kill 'em with kindess

“Do I wanna toss a 25lb pumpkin again? I don’t know. I mean obviously I could do this all day but those pumpkin seeds really fly and— Yes.” Did he mean to say yes? “I mean- yes.”

Well, there was already pumpkin in his arms again, campers ushering him to get to it. Man, he was hungry. After this one he’d leave. What was one more pumpkin?

“Alright, so that’s- Again? Yes.” … Something was definitely not right. Kane didn’t even like pumpkin all that much. Maybe he was just really getting into the uh, Halloween spirit? Really, really.

Now that Kane is back in this universe, all is good in the world. Nothing can bother me anymore. I mean, it would be nice if I could remember where home was, but like? You can’t have it all, I guess.

Oh boy, my ears are burning and that can only mean one thing! I messed up in training. Kidding, I know you’re sweet talking me to anyone who’ll listen. Glass half full, my guy. If I knew disappearing into an alternate reality was gonna bring this side out in you, I would have fallen up through a hole ages ago.

Who wants to start a band? I’ll be the stereotypical girl that’s cute and can only hit a tambourine. 

But that was gonna be my position. I figure this isn’t up for negotiation? I mean, if we’re doing this then we’re going to have to go hard or go home. Bandmates for life. We haven’t gotten to the name yet but I’m sensing ‘Kane and the Pussycats’ is also a no?

“true i should definitely d–” she gets a text and quickly replies to it, “–or i can open up my own shop with my sisters and we can serve korean shaved ice there. do you know where i sign up to start a store?“

“Why did the gods let Hamilton get made? I swear people make playlists for the sole purpose of annoying me. Stop sharing them publicly. DM’s exist for a reason, guys. I know we’re demi-gods, and by nature we have to be bad with technology, but we aren’t idiots. Come on.”

“Tatiana, I never thought this day would come but on behalf of the theatre its very self, I have to be offended. One question though: what’s a DM?” He feigned confusion for a minute before letting out a laugh. “I’m just kidding, promise. But c’mon, don’t tell me your heart is open to a little shanana-yippity-dip-da-doop?” 

It should! If I’m gonna be stuck in it for the time being, it should know what a gift I am. Anyway, a strongly worded letter would be great if I could figure out who to properly direct my anger at. Is there a cheap cosmetics god?

Oh you mean this universe specifically. Because you’re not- Right, I’m there. Hey, you guys had some pretty awesome sandy beaches back through the hole. It was pretty paradise-like if you didn’t count that ah, whole monster thing. Wait, sorry. Was that insensitive to bring up? The island. I’m making a terrible impression here. I will find the god of cheap cosmetics to make up for my foolery, I swear.

“how can wasfic not have korean shaved ice and what do i have to do so they add it to their menu?”

I’m sorry, is it just me or is this concealer covering up nothing? Is it just my mirror? The off brand product? This universe itself conspiring against me?

I’m... Not really 100% on what the problem is here but hey, I’m here for you. Just tell me who I need to call to help you out. I have been known to write a pretty good strongly-worded letter in my time so... Just let me know what I can do. I’m sure the universe thinks you’re awesome.

aria-garcia:

assassin-anderson:

[ a wild Claire appears- there may be some legit jumping up to hug him properly and that totally isn’t happy tears you see ] Kane!

I will get you a million balloons and I’ll do my own solo fanfare on one of those shitty whistle lollipops if I have to! Just promise me that you’ll never disappear on us like that again. [ and she’s totally still hanging on him ]

Oh gods, Kane… I’m so glad you’re safe and you’re back and– I’d, uh, hug you too if there wasn’t a beautiful assassin still hanging off of you.

Missed you, kid.

Claire-bear, babe, you know I love you— But if you don’t make room, I’m gonna shove you out of the way, I swear to every god.

My one true love, light of my life… Kane… You’re not allowed to leave my sight ever again. Make room in the Hypnos cabin, I’m your new roommate.

Wh---- [ and yup, the life’s being squeezed outta him but ya’know- in a good way ] Hey, Claire-bear-hug. Aw, you’re too kind. But I think your lungs are gonna be kinda spent once we get out of this hug- if we ever get out of this hug, I might not let go. I--- I promise. I promise, okay? Morpheus’ honour.

That’s totally understandable, Jules. I missed you. I missed you too.

Oh, thanks gods… Oh thank gods… Everything and everyone is back and I just wanna… sleep for a little… Maybe a month.

Hey man, if it helps any... You definitely look just great for a guy who needs to sleep for maybe a month, maybe more. I figure you’re one of the kind folks I have to thank on my official ‘thankings tour’, yeah?

I can’t even see a balloon. Not a single balloon in sight. And just when I was starting to warm to you, Camp Half-Blood.

Not doing what? Yo, bargain brand, what’s your deal? Is everyone where you come from required to brood 24/7 or something?

Pretty sure I was clear enough so why are you still standing here, huh? You--- [ shakes his head ] Shit. That is exactly the kind of obnoxious ass thing that he’d say. Nah, man. Just the special few.

Maybe I’ll have to quit my day job. As long as you insist! You know, I’ve never been a fan of talking a ton, but anything for a friend. [ laughs ] Whatever you say, edgelord. I’m always serious. Besides, this place doesn’t seem so bad. It’s kind of cute, don’t you think?

Sure, follow your dreams. Other people deserve to be as thoroughly annoyed by you as I am. Well... Great. Thanks a ton, buddy. [ rolls his eyes ] Uh huh, whatever you say. Not a non-serious bone in your body, I’m sure. No, no I don’t think it’s “kind of cute”. It’s... Whatever. [ fidgets a lil ] It’s different. It--- ... Do you- Do you know anyone here? You know, from the island but they’re not from the island?

Don’t worry about me, I’ll be fine, so long as you cooperate.

Okay… Well, um, I’m Aria, obviously. Aria Garcia. I’m a daughter of Hecate and I… know you. Well, other you– my you. [sighs] This could take a while depending on how you choose to answer. I, uh, came here because of what you did. I don’t know if you know this, but I was one of the demigods who was attempting to open up a new portal, which you and Olivia saw fit to get in the way of. Considering you’ve barely spoken to anyone at camp, you could understand why this came as a surprise to us.

Sounds threatening. I’m kinda into it... [ lifts his hand up to flash his new power suppressing accessory ] Thought for a sec this was the best you guys could do.

Are you done? Like is the moody-broody-ness over? Also, don’t tell me what to do, okay, that isn’t how this is going to work. I get to be as mad as I want and you get to stand there and answer any question I have.

[tries to regain composure] Do you… Do you know who I am? I mean, not me specifically, but… I guess I’m asking if you have an Aria on your island.

... Yes. But for the record, I could go all day if I wanted. I’m just concerned you’re gonna pop some sorta blood vessel and then gods know what they’ll do to me then. Fine. Whatever. Ask away, Firecracker.