STARTED ALL OF THE WARS.

BIO: 

The story of Remus Lupin is one known by many people – his friends, his family, but what people don’t know is what’s in between the cracks. The man in the monster, the boy who he was and the person he’s grown up to be.

There was a time when Remus felt more boy than burden, though he can hardly remember it now and his family cannot either, there was a time. The Lupins were a happy family, they had moderate means, they weren’t the highest class in Wizarding Society but they weren’t the lowest and they made up for that in love – as cliche as it might sound. Remus had one foot in the muggle world, and loved it, Hope would take him on adventures ( having been an adventurer herself ), teaching him about feminism & muggle politics but be back in time to make dinner for when Lyall came back from work. For five years, that’s how it went, an easy, happy cycle that Remus grew up knowing as home. It was home, and his parents were so in love that Remus could only sit back to admire their own admiration for each other. They thought that they’d go on like this until Remus was in Hogwarts, and they’d talk about it for hours on end.

The night Remus was attacked was the night everything turned upside down. Remus’ life might’ve been saved, but ever since then he’s wondered: was it worth it? Was he worth it?

The guilt that Lyall felt propelled him to forget about what his family actually needed and instead, what he needed to forgive himself for what he had done to his son. It was then Remus knew he would have to take care of his family just as much as they would now have to take care of him. No matter how many days of the month would be normal, young Remus would wake up after that full moon torn apart, hurting, crying, confused, and the guilt that he felt was something he could only learn from his father. Hope, like her name, tried to keep the family alive and normal but Lyall refused to let things go back to normal until his son was back to normal. The truth was, even if there was cure, Remus John Lupin was irreversibly changed – there was a whole part of the Wizarding World he came to know at a young age that was not magical in a positive way. Sometimes, Remus still thinks ignorance might’ve been bliss, or maybe if they had put him down like the animal he was his family would’ve learned to move on but his father never did. Lyall could also never accept that Remus was what he was and would continue to be that. The Lupins, a once beautiful household with a life like clockwork were broken – and Remus knew it was all his fault.

Hogwarts, while a nice reprieve, gave Remus a sense of fear and he was determined, absolutely determined to keep to himself. He would not be an affliction onto other children, he would not burden them, he would not form relationships only for them to be embarrassed & repulsed by what he was. But he didn’t seem to have a choice – James Potter, Sirius Black and Peter Pettigrew chose him and never let him go. His brothers, his family, his soulmates, he never knew he’d be able to feel such love for other people who weren’t blood. It was with that love that he got that he started to return, it was then people found that Remus had a sense of humor but an even greater capacity to love – everyone but himself. When his best friends became animagi for him, he cried, he cried because he was relieved that he wouldn’t have to be so alone. That people cared enough about him to do also transform themselves into animals so they could be with him. To this day he doesn’t understand it & is convinced he never will, but it doesn’t make him any less grateful. Without them, he knew he’d be much more miserable than he was, without them, he feared he’d be nothing but a problem his father made him out to be. That he’d be nothing but a monster. They, along with the friends he’s made are his humanity and it’s why the in this war he’s prepared to do whatever it takes to win because he can’t lose them. He’ll lose himself, his mind, his soul, before he loses the people he loves. 

LIL NOTES

WORLDS worst drug dealer, it started because he bakes an amazing pot brownie & other baked goods. People told him he could sell it and he made connections with a lot of people within the Wizarding world and otherwise that have ailments in which his weed brownies give them relief? So Remus just felt bad charging people, The person he gets his weed from loves his brownies so much, he gives Remus weed JUST so he can make them for him and his business. Plus, the person likes Remus and the brownies help his Grandma. If anything, he’s happy to be lending his existence and his skills to helping people in a real way -- he knows the Order is important work too but this brings genuine joy to people’s faces, something invaluable in the middle of a war. He’s a big intellectual stoner but uses it the most during the before and the aftermath of transformations. 

Remus is real fucking petty. He can be real passive aggressive. Intensely self loathing. Those are what I would say his worst traits are. If Twitter was a thing, he’d be getting into so many fucking fights and definitely the subtweeting petty arsehole friend. If you confront him about it, he’ll be calm and direct, sometimes, or he’ll feel STUPID for being called out because he knows whoever is right and storms out dramatically. 

The women and femmes in his life are the most important -- in regards to his gender, he’s always felt really traditionally feminine in a lot of ways and really loves leaning into those gender roles & stereotypes. He’ll come over to your house to tidy, he’ll make you a cuppa and some baked goods ( baking was something his mother taught him to do and she passed down an outrageously big cookbook to him ). When he lives with people, he’ll clean up a storm, he’s very much one to sit down and talk about feelings even though he’s shit at sharing his own. Remus will never be able to understand his gender though, because he doesn’t have the tools and sees himself as so much monster that it’s a lot to unpack. In modern times had he survived, Remus would’ve put himself in fucking therapy after the second war to be a better husband and father. In fact, he would’ve been a proud stay at home dad who could give some of those Real Housewives a run for their money when it came to drama and pettiness. Ugh, SCENARIOS MAN. 

Cheeky and sarcastic AF. 

I’m sure there are people within the Order, at least higher up, that know that he’s a werewolf like I can’t imagine they don’t? Dumbledore has sent him on missions with other werewolves, sure, but he’s not accepted and though Remus is willing to do just about anything for Dumbeldore -- he couldn’t stay away from his friends that long and has been focusing on being a soldier more than anything and taking as many dangerous missions as he can because when he’s not suffering™ through transformations he’s a quite useful soldier. 

emma comes from a big family. the vaynshteyn’s needed to rebuild after the holocaust and wwii. they changed their name to vanity, it was easier to pronounce and an even easier way to assimilate. their blood was muddy, with many muggles and halfbloods in their family but moving to wizarding britain was a sturdy choice. emma is one of ten, one of the  many middle children who grew up in a loving but competitive environment. everyone had to be good at something, little emma frankly didn’t care for it, she was their supporters, their number one fans in everything they did. quidditch wasn’t even on her radar until her family saw a natural talent she had for it during family pick up games. emma swore up and down, she wasn’t in it for the competition, it was exhausting, she just wanted to have fun. she was good at it though, they wanted to nurture it -- the whole family. 

during every shabbat it came up that emma should’ve been doing more than just their little pick up games, that they should put her on a league. emma always rolled her eyes, spitting out a comment with the dry wit & exhaustion of a 90 year old man. they wanted her to WHAT? with whom? often, on shabbas, she’d tsk them, throw a jab at her oldest brother jacob for being obviously jealous that his failed music career was becoming more tragic by the month so he had to pick on someone smaller with more promise, cross her arms, keeping relatively quiet the rest of the night. 

they were a loud, loving, chaotic family, they were proudly themselves, emma loved how she grew up even if she acted exasperated as all hell with them at times. family means everything to the vanity’s, they made their children with care, her parents would always say. emma would pipe up, we get it, you had sex, you made children. everyone would groan, then laugh. it was a serendipity that was untouched from tragedy again for a very very long time.

not long enough, but that’s later. 

racism was still a thing in the wizarding world, whether jkr wants to acknowledge it or not, and while there were poc -- the temple that emma went to was not as diverse as it could’ve been. some of the people she grew up with, though well meaning, were ignorant when it came to being jewish and being a person of color -- many just assumed that emma and the rest of her family were sephardic. the muggle world even in their own community was a little perplexed by this family, but let them have a place to pray and with time welcomed them. emma is no longer as religious as she was as a kid, especially when she started to attend hogwarts most of the year. her siblings only instituted that they had friday night dinners together, but how they chose to practice was up to them. 

hogwarts was an interesting transition for emma, being sorted into slytherin was unexpected and emma wasn’t really the biggest fan of her house going in -- many of her housemates didn’t help with making it a better place for her. she left them alone though, even when they sometimes didn’t leave her alone. when they fucked up her shit, she said her piece and got on with her life. for her first year, she didn’t try to rock the boat at all -- she just observed. some could say she was lying in wait. 

when a group of classmates fucked up her little sister’s shit in her second year, she hatched a plan. some of them happened to be on the quidditch team, right? they fucked up her family, they had tried to fuck her up her time at hogwarts, she’d fuck them up with her presence by trying to get on the quidditch team. when she showed up for try outs, eyebrows rose, a few snickers here and there. what is she doing? she’s just going to add fuel to the fire. when she got on the team in her second year, they were stunned into silence. there was a respect, sure, but there was an anger born from being bested -- emma felt proud but also noticed how she felt good on the field then, proving everyone wrong, not because she needed to but because quidditch was fun. it always had been. 

when her family found out, they freaked. she got three howlers, one from each of her parents and one from her oldest brother jacob saying he was only so bitter because he believed in her so much & emma heard her oldest sister, miriam, yell BULLSHIT in the background. her family came to every one of her games, they cheered her on until they lost their voices, embarrassing emma but there would be moments after games where the best part wouldn’t be actually winning or playing, but seeing her family come together the way they did. seeing her parents so passionate about her, seeing them all so proud. 

to this day, her quidditch is what brings them together being on puddlemere united as their seeker has been nothing short of a privilege, emma knows. but the question of whether or not she would’ve gone as far with quidditch as she did if it wasn’t for her families reaction to it hangs over her head constantly. she knows, she knows they’re being supportive, she knows they were just so unbelievably happy for her that they couldn’t contain it, she knows staying with quidditch was her choice - but god, her family is everything to her. they deserve happiness after everything, she was giving it to them, it had to be enough. 

plus, she was good at quidditch and with practice she was excellent. she gained respect from her housemates, even the prejudiced ones from whom she never wanted their respect because it meant nothing to her -- but they treated her family with more respect by extension, which meant everything. as the years passed, she became captain and emma could say that quidditch was something she enjoyed doing. not just because she was given respect, not just because it felt good to be good at something, but it was a good way to pass time, it improved her life in so many ways, why not dedicate herself to it? when her body gave out, whenever it did, she could find her passion, but this was what she was going to do when she left school -- this was her path -- for now. 

the war got worse, emma’s older siblings were members of the order ( only one at the time was an actual member, the rest were supporters ), but emma felt guilty when she wanted nothing to do with it. not because she didn’t believe in them. she did. her family knew the hard way what had to be done in war to survive & to win, emma couldn’t fathom being able to stomach it. what needed to be done. she felt angry at herself and weak, ever so conflicted, quidditch proved to be the best distraction as she graduated and got onto puddlemere united and she threw herself into the team, the life, the people. straying farther away from her faith, she missed at least one shabbat a month, she never came to temple anymore ( except for the high holidays ), she started to stray a bit from her family. they came to most of her games, still, but there was some tension as emma had been relatively quiet about the war in general -- a topic that the family brought up during almost every conversation. 

what was she supposed to say? she’d never been one to easily reveal her emotions, in fact, she was a private person because she wasn’t always one to talk about herself -- it was just how it was. she wasn’t closed, not really, just not welcoming. this subject brought her shame and guilt, she didn’t want it on display for her entire family because she knew she should’ve done more, that she could’ve. but she wasn’t built for war. she didn’t quite know what she was built for, but it wasn’t war. 

when her youngest sister adina was murdered in a death eater attack almost a year ago, the combination of guilt, grief, anger & trauma started to eat away at her. a small crisis began -- what was she meant for? what was she supposed to do with her life? her family reeled at the loss, they lost the youngest and perhaps the brightest ( in smile, in life -- she had so much more to life to live ) of their family, it was devastating. the love that had always been there was still there, sure, but things that you wouldn’t say to someone you loved no matter how true it was, were said. individual traumas and issues that they were working on, came to the forefront. they may have known how to rebuild, but rebuilding took blood, sweat and tears and they all felt bled dry.