GOOD GRIEF

@teetakesmanhattan: I don't mind dropping you some food if you still are hungry. What about tacos?

@snixtana: You made it through the closet scene bored? Okay, so I guess "rocked" suggested you were going to be shocked about something, but I still liked it.

@snixtana: And that bitch Ruiz can go choke on a dick for what she did to my girl Gloria. Fuck her.

@mcmads: I was like, disturbed. I was SUPER DISTURBED. I can't lie. But until the last ten minutes of the finale, I was, like. Definitely bored.

@snixtana: Bitch.....what...? I split my marathoning between Friday and Saturday. The end is gonna rock you.

@mcmads: I completely forgot that OITNB came out until... right now. I will not be leaving this apartment for ANY REASON until I finish.

In the mean time, somebody entertain me? Send me your favorite song, tell me anecdotes from the old country (Ohio), Snapchat your nudes--basically anything that will break me from this vicious cycle.

And you know I don’t do the whole relationship thing. I tried, Mads, and it wasn’t what you wanted. What did you expect me to do?

The asshole who tried to give you something real. Shame on me, right?

You’d know all about being happy and solo.

Fuck you. You know me better than that. 

If you want a friendship, then sure. You can have that, but that’s it, Mads. Whatever we had before  –  that’s done. 

You’re the one who expected me to sit around and be the best dude friend, and I did for a long time. You wanted me to pack up and move to New York as your friend, and when I when I told you I wanted something more, you freaked. For a guy with commitment issues already under his belt, that’s fucked up. So, no, I’m not sorry I didn’t move here to be your wingman, or whatever it was you were wanting me to be.

Figured moving for a job seemed more logical than moving for someone who didn’t actually want me there to begin with. I’m a code editor, which still confuses the hell outta me. From Lima loser fuel attendant, to complex coding. Guess you never know what you’ll be good at until you give it a shot.

Yeah, yours truly finally followed through. Kitty called me about a job offer, and I figured it wouldn’t hurt to try it out. Not sure where else I could get this good of pay without college experience.

That might be fun. You might just have to talk to your roomie about that…

Ew. The fact that we’re describing men who actually exist is leaving a bad taste in my mouth that should be washed away with something stronger than sugar-free lemonade. I will. It’s crazy, Finn and I haven’t really talked about finding a babysitter or whatever and we still haven’t picked Godparents – all of the nitty gritty with dotted i’s and crossed t’s, but I’ve been in a state of zen since the 17th and I don’t think anything is going to stop that.

Might? Uhm, it’d be the most fun. Wait, what? Why?

A warm cup of herbal tea is certainly the best way to start the day! If anyone needs me, I’ll be standing outside the TKTS booth trying to score seats to the Hello, Dolly revival! 

Although tea is probably definitely a way healthier alternative than coffee, I’m afraid I can’t help but, like. Drink a thousand cups of coffee a day. RIP. Did you manage to get the tickets?

Guess it’s about time to break the ice, but yours truly is an official resident of the Big Apple. Gotta admit, it’s a hell of a lot better than pumping gas for a living.

My blog is not lame! There are pictures of me on it and those are always great. Also, the beach sucks and so do handstands. You’ll never get my email.

Not for me, dude. I gotta work and see my kid. I can’t sleep all day. I really wish I could. Kurt is totally a winner. I think I’m Dorothy. ‘Cause I’m tall and grumpy. Or maybe I’m Rose because I’m not very smart. Are you a Blanche?

Pictures of you? Oh, God. Your face is the lamest. Your social media presence needs some major CPR--take down the pictures of you, replace them with cute baby photos, talk about how you wish we were best friends. What? Just because you get a sunburn in .02 seconds doesn’t mean the beach sucks and you’re just jealous because you don’t know how to do handstands. Your email is probably [email protected]. 

Hacked. In. Boom.

Well, alright then, Mr. Responsibility ™. You’re definitely Dorothy. Why am I Blanche?

It is kind of crazy. I was just talking to Tina about how maybe we could all get together and have dinner or a quiet night in, or something. Just to catch up.

I feel like I’ve seen that guy on Tinder before. Gross – I just got shivers of the wrong kind. Merci. Unfortunately I’ve become quite a Mama Bear when it comes Little C, so it’s been hard for me to come to terms with the idea of separating from him. Here I thought I wouldn’t have the love necessary to raise a child and bam, turns out to be too much. When I finally bite the bullet I might just give you a call, though. 

I’m down for that. Honestly, we need a girl’s night. Not that it wouldn’t be great to see everyone, but y’know.

He seems like he’d be the kind of guy who swipes right on every profile because he thinks someone has to match with him statistically but no one ever does save for Ratchet Rhonda. Listen, I’m shockingly trustworthy with kids, but I also won’t fight you on it because a night with no babysitting means a night of partying, which we all know I won’t turn down. But when you change your mind, give me a buzz.