Ines

i can never write a soulmates au cause i very quickly stop thinking about romance and start thinking about the sociological implications of a world where soulmates are a confirmed verifiable thing

is casual dating a thing in a world where everyone has a soulmate out there somewhere? is it frowned upon? is there a movement of people fighting for the idea that you don't HAVE to wait for your soulmate to find true love? is it considered queer to be in a non-soulbound relationship? how does polyamory function? how about aromantic people?

is it guarenteed you'll find your soulmate within your lifespan? are you drawn to find eachother even if you're born a million miles apart? if it's the kind of universe with physical soul marks (ie. matching moles, first words on skin), are there medical options to change or remove your mark? would it be considered a tabboo? could someone fake a soul mark? could you catfish someone by pretending to match them? isn't there some kind of inherent horror in knowing destiny has entwined you with a stranger?

It’s weird to grow up in a family where you know you’re loved but you don’t feel loved. And then later in adulthood you understand how almost impossible it seems to cross that distance and let yourself experience closeness, how otherworldly love feels now and how love feels unbearable at times. You flinch when someone tries to wholeheartedly love you. And over and over you see so clearly how you cannot be loved unless it's from afar and love is mixed with that familiar sensation of distance and coldness.

when Florence Welsh said "What a thing to admit that when someone looks at me with real love I don't like it very much / Kinda makes me feel like I'm being crushed"

who are you when you are not watching tv or movies? when you aren't playing video games or reading a book or fanfiction or listening to music or whatever other kind of media that you engage with? who are you when your mind isn't in another world or story, when you are forced to sit with yourself and the only experience you have is your own sensorial life? can you define yourself outside of what you consume? who is that person? do you like them? can you bear it? can you bear it?

these are value-neutral questions and i am not inherently implying anything in them. what you read into it is for you to decide. consider why your immediate reaction to being asked who you are outside of the tv shows you watch is to become defensive or angry or uncomfortable. what might that say about how you feel about your life? why are you reading judgement into my questions? your answers are not for me, they are for you. do with them what you wish.