waltz the point

sometimes I feel like it's almost too late to find someone. all my paired-up friends did so when they were still "children".

why's it so easier to love someone when you're younger?

I was born on the 10th 🫪🥵

meeting my old classmates the other day really fucked my brains over. it's like looking in a mirror you haven't seen in years and realizing it doesn't make you look like the mirrors you use now do.

why did A. tell me she used to be jealous of me because she thought I was stealing her best friend? why did L. look at me in disgust when I said "sometimes I'm too vocally violent with the things I say? Why didn't E. move a muscle when I got his name wrong and just smiled at me before looking away? When and where did Z. get so cute and emotionally intelligent??

the biggest why's are always about me though. why do I feel so good and yet so bad now? why could I not stick with my best friend in that whole group during the night and just take it as a couple-challenge? why was I such a fucking faggoty social butterfly bitch? bore? did anyone really like me there?

A. asked to paint together at her house. R. asked the wind if it would go with him to the movie theatre. M. asked very little, he mainly spoke about himself.

I asked a lot, spoke a lot too. and that's okay, because I know why I'm this way. I think this is the point I was looking for. time to waltz it.

the sound of birds singing outside is keeping me up again

it might just be me refusing to sleep

why you may ask (because I know I do)

well, maybe this one time, it is because I'm happy

is too happy to sleep a thing?

sometimes I feel like we should feel, think and act the way we want to feel, think and act. hic et nunc, I feel like doing something productive while having fun

have You already asked yourself how You feel today?

To be cringe is to be free

I read this somewhere, sometime. Listening to cringe songs sometimes helps me. Maybe because certain cringe songs bring me back to easier times.

it's 4:29 am

I'm overthinking, thus I can't sleep

I'm tired, both physically and mentally

I'm trying to get better

I want to get better

I am getting better

La Haine, 1995

a movie I watched some time ago, while I was locked in a hotel room in a faraway country. translates to "Hate". I think it's also because of the hate that these three feel (towards themselves, each other, the world). Sometimes I hate stuff too. But watching them, I felt love, for them but also for myself.

if you're doing it,

this friend loves Daft Punk. I like them as well, their music tickles not just my body but my brain too. maybe I am a fan of tickles after all

I'll start with things I'm sure of.

my name is Mario

I'm male

I mostly wear b&w. I mostly think in b&w too

I'm trying to get better