Yogish, you harassed me till the end of this. When what I had for you initially was only pure love and good intentions you and your friends tortured me, yet I wanted to forgive you and see you in the outmost good light.
Everyday I wake up wanting to not feel this wretched pain but it never ends. I anticipate a call, a text, an unknown number trying to get to me and no matter how hard I try I am never prepared enough. Yet I can't give up, mostly because what I am afraid of isn't in facing such mixed dangers but accepting that your heart is truly one of the most unfathomable chambers of hate I've had to endure.
****
I try not to show that I am affected. My heart thumps out of my chest, blood rushes to the tip of my breasts, I think of taking the niph against me, and I think of my mother. My jaw seals shut and stays tight, I struggle to speak through my teeth, and it is not only because I'm saying white lies realising why I think of my teachers. My body starts shivering, my thick blanket suddenly doesn't cover enough, while needing warmth I think of my friends(even the metaphorically dead ones). The call finally ends, tear drops draw salty lines on my cheeks. I look up, then I speak to God.
****
But I wonder why? What made a previously admirable person so lowly in his current nature? What made him try to exchange my love for fulfilling his momentarily lust? What made him think I was the kind of person to let it slide without consequences? What made him think himself immune to his own action?
I only did what he I thought he deserved for what he did to me. It is not my fault that he thinks women are creatures of amity. I don't know who let these men think they can get away with so much.
My seesa note will have your name cause of how much pain you've etched into my heart. I will pass not at peace. But if you can, forgive me, for what i had done to you was out of pain that I knew I did not deserve. I'll try to forgive you too, even though it is close to nearly impossible.
