walkingjinx

The house was eerily quiet the day after Sirius Black had ran out the front door and was blasted off the family tree. And Regulus hated it.

Regulus was used to silence; he was actually quite fond of it, but right then as he sat at the almost empty dinner table, he felt his skin itch and stomach twist. His mother sat across from him, his father off at work, and Kreacher washed the dishes in the kitchen. They did not speak a single word to each other and the air around Regulus went still and his lungs couldn’t quite take in a full breath and his heart was pounding much too loud in his ears but he kept his face still and unreadable because thats how a Black was supposed to act.

But Regulus wasn’t too sure he wanted to be a Black anymore. He would never say that though because he surely would have the same fate as his brother but it didn’t stop the thought from running over and over and over through his mind.

“Regulus,” Walburga’s voice rang stiffly.

“Yes?”

“You must not speak to or of that blood traitor again. You understand?”

Regulus knew who she was talking about.

“Regulus, do you understand?” she hissed, the tension in her voice rising.

“Yes.”

“Good boy.”

And the silence continued, and Regulus began to notice that during times like these, quiet could be much more deafening then actual noise.

“May I be excused?” Regulus asked, not making eye contact with his mother.

Walburga studied him hard. Then, “Put your emotions aside, Regulus. He’s not your brother.”

“I know,” Regulus murmured. He didn’t mean it. “May I please be excused? I’m not feeling well.”

“He dishonored the family name. You should know the importance of that. You are royalty. You aren’t dirt like those Mudbloods and blood traitors. You are much better than him.”

“I know,” Regulus replied again. He didn’t mean it. “I should really go study some of those curses. To make sure I impress the Dark Lord. To make up for Sir-... for him...”

Walburga sat stiffly and her cold, icy stare bore into him. He hoped she would stop because if she continued to do that he felt maybe he’d shatter into pieces. Perhaps that wouldn’t be such a bad thing...

She set down her fork she was holding and linked her hands together in front of her. “You’re dismissed.” She said it bitterly and her lips were pursed as if she ate something sour. She didn’t look as pretty as she had when Regulus was younger. Maybe it was the aging. Maybe it was all the nasty things he noticed about her. He didn’t know.

“Thank you,” Regulus responded and he stood from his seat, tucking his chair in quietly and rushed his way up the stairs, down the hall past Sirius’ door, and into his own room. Regulus couldn’t quite look at Sirius’ door anymore. It stirred up too many emotions and he didn’t want to seem weak so it was better to avoid it.

“Kreacher,” croaked Regulus after he had softly shut his door.

The house elf popped into the room with a CRACK! and he looked up at Regulus with big, round eyes. “Master Regulus called Kreacher, sir?”

Regulus didn’t know why he did. He supposed he just wanted someone there to feel less lonely.

“Master Regulus can take his time.”

“Thank you, Kreacher.”

So Regulus sat atop his bed as he felt a weird chill pass through him because the only good person in the house was gone. He tried to forget how Sirius would blast muggle music as loud as he could and how he put permanent charms on posters of motorcycles and half-naked women on the walls just to upset their parents. He tried to forget how Sirius had yelled at him when Regulus didn’t fight back against Walburga and Orion’s beliefs. He tried to forget how he could sometimes hear Sirius talking loudly to James Potter through that mirror he had found or when he could hear Sirius cry in the middle of the night, praying that he’d get out of that house or simply drop dead. Regulus tried to forget a lot of things but it didn’t seem to be working. All it did was make the silence much more loud.

- “Bloody hell... he’s so tiny... and he looks just like me... and look, love, he’s got your eyes! ... He’s so bleeding perfect.”

- “See, Harry? This is your uncle Moony, your uncle Padfoot, and your uncle Wormtail! They’d do anything for you and your mummy and me. They’re the best mates anyone could ask for.”

- “Oh, for goodness sake, James! Stop trying to feed Harry a bloody potato thats the size of his head! He’s only 2 months old!

- “Come on, Lil, he doesnt like sitting in highchairs!”

“James, you dont like him sitting in highchairs.”

“Why ever so would I not like it?”

“You havent let him out of your sight since he was born, darling.”

- “OH MY STARS, JAMES, HE JUST SAID IT! HE JUST SAID MY NAME! YES, HARRY, SAY ‘MUMMY’ ONE MORE TIME SO DA CAN HERE IT!”

- “Alright, Harry. I’m gonna need you to hold this plastic roach and act like your eating it—no, no, Harry dont actually eat it—okay, act like your eating it in front of Mummy. She’ll go mad and it will be hilarious.”

- “James Fleamont Potter, if I see one more scratch on the ceiling because of your antlers, you’re dead.”

- “You’re a brilliant dad, James. You’ve been since day one.”

- “If that kid pushes you over, Harry, push him back! I’m not letting my son get all beat up and all that tosh! I’ll drop kick that ickle toerag myse-!“

“JAMES.”

- “Oh, darling, look how adorable Harry looks in his sweatervest! Do you see how adorable he is?!”

“Yeah, yeah, I see, but am I adorable in my sweatervest?

- “We cant let him get near Harry. We just cant. James, we need to hide.”

- “I’ll fucking die before I let him lay a single finger on either of you. And I swear that on my dead body!”

- “Sirius, will you be our secret keeper?”

- “Peter... will you be the secret keeper...?”

- “Lily, get Harry and run! Run! Get out, run!”

james potter: a warm coat on a cold winter day, fuzzy socks with a hole on the big toe, smeared handwriting, messy oragami, dirty shoes with writing on the rubber sole, gold flakes, smelly gym lockers, dimples and a contagious laugh, the song “tongue tied”, screaming songs with friends

sirius black: the color red, fire thats on the brink of burning through the firepits borders, black fingernail polish, the smell of leather polish, elegance in a unrifined way, heavy boots, ripped pants, messily tied hair, pocket knives, a crumbled up piece of paper thats been flattened out

remus lupin: hot chocolate on christmas day, bitten nails that gone raw, old sweaters but in the best way, fingers delicately tracing scars, long eyelashes, scattered freckles, pencils with bite marks, ancient books in a different language, a rusted key, curly hair with snowflakes in it

I think that Remus Lupin would have totally been everyones favorite teacher. He put Severes Snape, the schools potions master, in drag, gave out chocolate, and he was just hilarious. He was most definitely the best DADA teacher Harrys year had ever had.

But I was also thinking. Did Remus ever take the old paths they had on the Marauders Map to Hogsmeade? In fact, I believe he did. When he was tired and it wasnt a Hosmeade weekend, he would go through paths (because of course he memorized all them) and he would get himself some chocolate. He was the owners best customer. It would give him fond memories of when he was young.

And speaking of fond memories, (did you like that smooth transition i did there?) What was Remus' most happy memory he used for Expecto Patronum? It was of James, Sirius, and Peter becoming Animangi for him. Remus had cried for a solid two hours because of how happy and greatful he was for his friends. Another memory, (probably just as powerful) was when he found out Lily was pregnant. He had a smile on his face for weeks because one, James was having a child, two, Sirius would be the Godfather, and three, he would be an uncle!.

⚠trigger warning⚠

Do you know how much the death of James parents must have had on all the Marauders? So much. It literally killed them all and for a few months, they did no pranks, and mourned and just kinda sat on the sidelines.

Like Sirius probably sat on the sidelines of fights, bc that's what Mrs Potter would have wanted him to do and he wanted to make her happy. And Remus would try not to pick at himself over his scars bc he remembered Mr Potter telling his was "one fine lad that deserved a girl" and Mrs Potter telling him to not comment on his scars and she told him they were beautiful. Peter would stick up for himself a bit bc Mr Potter told him to not allow others to get to him and push him around. And James just became even more motherly, but he didn't care bc they all lost their mother.

They all were affected by this whether they liked it or not and they all thought of the Potters are their first or second home.

It wasn't just James that mourned. Sirius was probably just as hurt or was worse than James. He got disowned, left to the Potters, was happy, then lost the only family he had left and it makes me angry when people say that James was the only one affected by this tragedy.

But I know what you're thinking and I agree. Sirius gets reckless when he gets depressed, angry, or embarrassed. And I totally think that Sirius was reckless during this time. He just did it in a way he usually didn't. He hurt himself with blades and fire and going out at night and standing on the top of the gryffindor tower. It was just not as noticeable. Of course the other Marauders knew what he was doing and tried to stop it, but Sirius is stubborn and you can't just stop someone's from being depressed. He would hide it and go missing for days on end.

But, one day, Sirius laid in the middle of the quidditch pitch, his eyes squeezed shut, tears prickling, and his fingers grazing the grass under him. He was tired, not just physically, but emotionally and mentally. His head was throbbing and his wrists were stinging with a pleasant feeling. Sirius wiped his wrists on his clothes, smearing blood, and opened his grey eyes slowly while he sat up. He felt sick and lonely and wanted to just run away from everything.

He wanted to die, but not with pain. He already was dying with with pain on the inside and had a few thoughts cross his mind that were not very good. He hated that he thought that way and didn't want to think that way. But he needdd to stay here for James, Remus, and Peter. Even Lily. They were going through the exact same thing he was going through but he didn't understand why he was the one who got affected the most. Shouldnt it have been James who should be doing the things Sirius did? But no, James wouldn't. Because he cares about them too much for that and he knew what he needed to do. He went to the infirmary for a while, getting a bit of anxiety medicine that helped him a lot. Maybe Sirius should go to the infirmary?

And that was the moment Sirius picked himself back together, piece by piece, with the help of his friends, and antidepressants, and anxiety pills, and therapy. It made him feel better, and made him feel less drained. He noticed sadness can really drain you.

A thought came to my mind of when the full moon of first year was. With the research that I got, I found out that the full moon of September, 1971 was on the 5th. The 5th. Remus Lupin had literally came to school 4 days before the full moon. He met James, Sirius, and Peter when he was bloody sick as frick. Remus was tired, aching, and in a pretty pissy mood. I bet you a million bucks Sirius probably had Remus get angry at him within the first hour of meeting each other. For instance I think Sirius probably was talking much to loud and Remus has ears that literally amplify sound by at least 4x because dogs can hear 4x as well as a human which, for Remus, is a pretty crappy thing.

Remus, of course, got annoyed and told tiny Sirius to bug off and shut it. But, Sirius being Sirius, didn't bc he's a A-hole. Remus again asked for him to shut up, but still, to his dismay, Sirius didn't. Finally after a hour of sitting in an overly loud compartment, Remus snapped and cuss out the lot of them.

I feel like at the beginning of the infamous marauder friendship, Remus and Sirius fought a lot. They both were stubborn and Sirius took everything personally and Remus couldn't handle his crap even though he was trying to be patient.

But after a while of hating each other, (maybe a month or two) they finally started to understand that 1) Remus didn't like loud noise and 2) Sirius had ADHD.

James:

I feel like James would kind of have a low voice. Not like super low but pretty low, you get me?

He sounds the same when he whispers and normally voice and yelling just at a different volume.

When he smiles, you hear the smile in his voice. It just has a light feel to it

His laugh is the best laugh ever

Its light and filled with energy and it just makes you so happy you want to bottle it in a jar and when you get sad you can open it and just feel happy and full

His laugh can bring a smile to anyone’s face

I mean anyone, like it even made Severes give a smirk

Thats pretty much it for james bc I don’t have many ideas for him

Remus:

Remus has just a super calming voice

Its soft and smooth and it doesn’t have any blemishes in it

But when he was hitting puberty, he wanted to die bc he voice cracked so badly

But since he got older it just was a perfect mezzo piano

When he spoke he sometimes clenched his jaw. There was no real reason that he spoke that way, he just did and it sometimes made him sound annoyed when he really wasn’t.

His laugh can either be super loud and great, where he scrunches up his nose or its a soft chuckle that’s just very calming

He has a beautiful singing voice but is too embarrassed to actually sing normally infront of anyone

Sirius:

Gruff

Can I emphasize that enough?

He has a raspy, bark-like voice, not just bc his animagus is a dog but bc he was born that way

He got made fun of a lot bc of how raspy it was

When he screamed, his voice would crack

When he gets angry or whispers his voice gets all low and quiet and raspier then it usually is and it feels like thunder vibrating everything around you

His laugh sounds like a wheeze and a bark and it makes him cough a lot of the time.

It literally sounds like, “HA HA HA HA” bc his laugh is choppy

Peter:

He has a soft and quiet voice most of the time

It kinda sounds like a squeak but he was first of the marauders to hit puberty

Even when he hit puberty, his voice didn’t change much

A lot of people bullied him over his voice

Peter was insecure already and it didn’t help much bc it made him talk more quietly

But once he knew you wouldn’t make fun of him, he spoke so much

ok i just found this out literally 10 minutes ago and i feel like i dont know who i am anymore

did you know that james potter didnt get glasses till his fifth year at hogwarts?

I AM IN ABSOLUTE AWE I FEEL LIKE I KNOW NOTHING. WHEN SIRIUS, REMUS, AND PETER MET HIM HE WAS PRACTICALLY BLIND I BET YOU A MILLION BUCKS OVER THAT. AND THEN WHEN IT WAS FIFTH YEAR AND THEY SAW HIM WITH GLASSES THEY ALL WIGGED OUT BC THEY ARE CHILDREN AND FRICKIN JAMES POTTER HAS GLASSES WHAT DO I DO WHO IS THIS MAN?

I ALSO THINK THAT WHEN JAMES GOT HIS GLASSES AND STUFF HE WAS REALLY EMOTIONAL OVER SMALL THINGS LIKE "OH NO IS THIS GONNA MAKE MY JAWLINE NOT LOOK AS SHARP?" BUT THE TOTAL OPPOSITE HAPPENED AND HE WAS EVEN HOTTER AND HAD AN EVEN MORE DEFINED JAW. AND THEN ALSO HE ALMOST STARTRD CRYING WHEN HE SAW HIS FRIENDS CLEARLY FOR THE FIRST TIME BC HE NEVER KNEW HOW THEY ACTUALLY LOOKED. HE KNEW THEIR FACE SHAPES BUT NOT THE SMALL DETAILS AND STUFF LIKE THAT.

So I was thinking. A lot of people I know believe that Sirius had long hair since before first year, but honestly, I dont think his parents would have allowed it. They wanted their kids to be nice and proper amd I don't think they would let their kids have long hair.

Personally, I think maybe a year or less before he got disowned he began to grown his hair out. Not much, but a little bit at a time so it wasn't as noticeable. I feel like the main reason he began growing his hair wasn't because he thought it was cool, but it was another way to rebel against his parents. It brought him joy to see them tell him to get a trim or how his mothers face would get red in frustration and his father comment on it everytime he would walk down the steps to dinner. He probably thought it was a show.

Thats also another reason why I think Regulus didnt grow his hair out. He was scared and hated getting punished by his parents and felt like he wasn't ready for that like Sirius was. Another thing is that I think Regulus was jealous over Sirius. Not because of how Sirius was treated by others but because he wanted to brave like him. To run away from home and be happy and have friends that actually cared about him and not for what he could do for Voldemort.