Brazen Confessions

constant mantra: letitgoletitgoletitgoBUTICANTjustletitgojustletitgo.

does it ever get any easier?

please tell me it does.

better to be conflicted, or to be sure? i don't know. haven't figured it out yet.

visits last weekend. i am the only one here.

get no introduction.

visits this weekend. i am not here, but my best friend is.

gets an introduction, they're texting, she walked her to the greyhound station.

and if i did, it'd be redundant and whiny and gosh, why am i being such a girl!

just stop it. cut it off. cold turkey. can you do it?

can you do it?

CAN you do it?

can YOU do it?

can you DO IT?

i don't know. i want to, but can i? do i even have the willpower to do so?

so why did you do it?

and you never even apologized. was i so naive to expect that?

i'm just hurt. and i want to roll into a ball and cry all the time.

how do i reconcile my feelings with reality?

it just seems everytime it seems ok, it's not

i'm not okay

we're supposed to go to church today, and they left me behind

and how can i not be mad? and hurt? and want to cry?

because it's you. it's you.

how can i let you go?

the fact that i bawled in my room alone today is a definite sign of that.

and how was your weekend?

filled with good food, good company, and good talks.

let's just say mine was the opposite.

i really did not need this weekend.

He is downstairs now vigorously cleaning his room...I can't even remember the last time he did that, probably a long, long time ago. Like he's cleaning the entire basement and vacuuming his room top to bottom. It's weird.

...went grocery shopping with my ex-boyfriend (who is also my housemate), my other housemate, and his girlfriend

we're talking about chewy chips ahoy since they are oh so good

i remember the time a couple years ago when i was really sick and my ex-boyfriend (then-boyfriend) bought it for me, along with a get well card and put it in my locker for the next day (since i didn't come to school)

so i glance over at him while we're talking about the cookies in the aisle because i remembered

and he notices and makes me blush, and proceeds to make a big deal out of it because he remembers too

I just want you to want to. Is that too much to ask for?