diary entry

Waffle here! i decided to stay up late to finish this surprise for everyone!

As you know, i did some reporting for those who couldn't make it to Anime Expo this year. But during that time, i undertook a personal project!

The Valko Shrine Archive! During my time there, i went around and asked those who came to the shrine to sing a journal. and I've spent all day making sure the archive is as perfect as i can get it.

So, it is with great honor and excitement that i present to all of you the Book of Valko!!!

https://docs.google.com/presentation/d/1u4Sl-aUb7xTMuTuCXK6QsJ-MZsx03-IEprkx0urIBYo/edit?usp=sharing

I hope you all enjoy it!

I mean, it feels like yesterday we were running up and down the street in my mkms heels and dresses pretending to be princesses and trying to tay up late on new years to watch the countdown.

All those years spent together with my first ever best friend, my cousin. I was pink and she was purple. And now shes grwon up, flying to the other side of America to be apart of an amazing college because she's such an amazing person.

Asnd its not like i wont ever see her again, she'll be back for her birthday and holidays. But still it kind of hurts. Such an important person in my life is going away and we wont be able to hang out anymore.

I gave her one last hug before we left to let her finish packing, and i reallly didnt want to let go because wven thogh we arent that far apart in years, thats my baby man. My best friend. And im so proud and so happy. But i cant stop crying.

For a bit of context, when i stand, i sometimes keep my arms like a t-rex, tucked close to my chest but not so close i look odd.

So he holds out his hand and i think he's about to ask for money, but before i could say i didn't have any money, he just grabbed my hand. My hand was in a fist so he like shook it. Then i pulled away. He asked me "are you coming?" Before trying to grab my hand again.

I shook my head no and he didn't look happy at that, but he just grabbed my shoulder and told me to "not get in the way" the he got off.

Ok, i like cars. no, i LOVE cars so much to the point that i point out specific models on the street, i watch videos of car conventions and lowrider meetups, and i even put on freeway sounds when i get nervous!

Point is, cars are important to me, and you know what else is important to me? Valko! sooo i decided to make a slide presentation about what kind of car he'd have, then i figured why not add the other LADS!

Now something to note, this is my opinion and it is 100% unrealistic. but that's also what i love so much about it! also feel free to tell me what cars YOU think the guys have!

Enjoy!

HEY, I almost forgot! the movie my friends and i worked on for a month and a half is on youtube RIIIIGHT NOWWWW!

Do you like one shot movies? Stories inspired by manga? Cringy love confessions? The power of MUSICCCC? and more importantly YURI?

then you'll LOVEEEEE "please listen to the song", written and directed by the breakout director Jace Cotes!

Not only was this film nominated for The South Bay Film and Animation Awards Gala, it went on to win TWELVE awards. It would mean so much to me (the audio technician) if you could check this labor of love out!

Here's the link: https://youtu.be/mRaGqF8rZoM?si=b1SaG-Mq631C3Mno

HEY ALL, IM BACK! it's June, so first and foremost

HAPPY PRIDEEE

whether you're in the closet, have one foot out of the closet (like me), or you're fully out living and loving. i want to wish you a happy pride month. keep being you and doing you!

now that the important stuff is out of the way, let's talk about last month, shall we?

FIRST HALF OF MAY:

Ok, the first half of may was pretty hectic. first off, i went to my cousins sendoff for prom and yall, she looked LIKE A STAR! i got a little emotional because like, just yesterday we were playing with dolls and going to the park, what do you mean my little cousin is about to graduate!?!?!?!

As for the rest of the month, i served as an audio technician on a movieeeee! we spent all month and a little bit of last month- did i make an April update? hold on. ok i did, sorry.

Anyways the movie. MAN was this an experience it was really fun and a bit stressful. we restarted filming halfway through because our director wanted a new actor. then we got banned from filming at the train station (mind you, we weren't doing anything bad, we just needed like 4 shots) but we had to basically restructure the whole thing. But we did it! and guess what? we won 12 WHOLE awards! I'm so so proud of everyone who worked on this and we already (maybe, kinda, hopefully) are in the process of making more movies.

Aside from the movie, i went to a few birthday parties and...and...that's kind of it i guess.

OH, i was about to end it when i remembered my stepdad situation.

Get this, he isn't sending anymore threats, but he wont stop texting my mom about how he wants her back and begging. it's so laughable. This guy who I've been scared of for half a decade now has just been reduced to a spam texter. He doesn't even deserve that. this divorce cant happen any faster, i can't wait to forget about this guy. even if it takes a while, I've decided to not let him scare me anymore, no matter what he says or does. from now on, i live for me and not for fear of him finding me.

and with that final declaration, I'll leave you all until next month!

Sooo i like love and deepspace. yup, I'm being honest here! which i find to be a tad bit difficult to admit because when i was little, i used to get bullied for liking mystic messenger (a game i still love to this day). but that's not why you're reading this, You MUST be here to see my girls!

So, i present to you, my LADS characters (complete with lore oooo)

SLIGHT TRIGGER WARNING: skin picking is mentioned, if that unsettles you, you should skip Clementines 3rd paragraph. well, the second to last sentence of the 3rd paragraph to be specific.

EDITTTTTT (6-1-26)

hello, it's me. i decided to edit this. Reading this back, i realize how unhinged i made sel sound, i need to fix that. also remember when i said I'd add characters for raf and xave? my mind couldn't come up with anything cool for them. sorry, sorry. aside from that no real changes. okbye.

Meet Jezebel, Born of French decent, as she claims she is the definition of a calm and controlled leader. In high school she lead her fellow classmates as the student council president four consecutive years. In her adult years, she quickly climbed the ranks as a hunter, before being promoted to the leader of UNICORNS Covert Assault Team, or CAT for short (see what i did there?).

Not much is known about Jezebel as she keeps to herself. She has only ever trusted her teammates, mostly because they grew up together. But upon closer inspection, she is seen to confide in Dr. Zayne of Asko Hospital, who just so happens to be her primary care physician.

As calm and controlled as she may seem, she also holds an air of arrogance. She strong, capable and determined, and she absolutely is not afraid to show it.

But there's something else there, just under the surface. She refuses any and all kinds of mental evaluations and is known to fidget when not interacted with. Almost as if she's guilty of something...

Say hello to Selina, a real hot blooded individual who is prone to disobey orders more than she follows them. Born in the south, so she claims, Selina outspoken force of nature who serves as CAT's main striker. In her younger years, she didn't really listen to authority figures and always found herself in trouble, yet somehow, she would always find herself getting away with things scott free.

She's never ever been afraid to get her hands dirty, often times fighting with peers and superiors. But despite all of this trouble she gets into, she landed a prime spot on CAT's. Rumors say it's due to her growing up with Jezebel, but there's no denying that someone as dangerous as her deserves a spot like that.

Selina is the kind of woman to hold a grudge, she'll make your life hell if you cross her, but, if your close to her. If you really get to know her, you'll see that she can be sensitive. she's protective of her teammates and friends. a quiet sensitivity, like a feral cat allowing you to touch it.

You couldn't get her to talk about her life, she'll just change the subject if you mention anything about her life before high school just like the others. Aside from her other fellow CAT's members, Selina is often seen with a mysterious white haired fruit vendor. If you were to ask about him, she's shut you down immediately. For some reason, she seems to be highly possessive Protective of this man, and it seems to go both ways.

But under all of this chaotic energy and grit lies pure paranoia and adrenalin waiting to burst like a bubble. Selina has been mentally evaluated many times. And every evaluation, things seem the same. unstable, yet it's confusing how she still seems to "have it together", obviously this violates a few workplace guidelines, but UNICORNS has yet to relive her of her duties, citing that she's an integral part of her team, and stating that Selina has refused to leave her line of work. She' overprotective to a fault it seems.

Finally, we have Clementine. The shy yet strong communications expert of team CAT's. Born here in Linkon so she claims, Clementine is a rather soft spoken individual who is responsible for mission reports, guiding her teammates on and off the field, as well as serving as backup when needed. While not really much of a mark during her younger years, once she became a hunter, she quickly showed that she could hold her own. Successfully infiltrating many enemy bases and providing heavy backup.

Clementine tries not to take up space, she bakes, only really considers her teammates as her closest friends. But she is a topic of interest among her peers nonetheless. She's been seen on numerous occasions with a one, Colonel Caleb, who resides in Skyhaven. The very same colonel who UNICORNS has showed a...particular interest in, due to the supposed connections with his fleet and the shady company known as EVER.

Something to note about Clementine, is how easy she shuts down. how she quietly picks at her clothes and some times her skin. But once you point it out, she acts as if she was doing nothing of the sort. It's as if she was apart of something awful, and trying not to bring suspicion to herself. Although it seems that it's eating her up inside.

Clementine has only participated in a few mental evaluations, and it seems as though she's on a downward trend. She's become overly cautious and suspicious of those who aren't in her inner circle...and it may get worse.

TEAM DYNAMIC (what does CAT's do?)

CAT's works under Captain Jenna. All missions are received from her.

Jezebel is responsible for assigning tasks, accompanying Selina on missions as support, and small media appearances such as briefing the public on missions that aren't classified.

Selina is responsible for carrying out more dangerous and violent operations, as well as apprehending more dangerous suspects. She can get pretty messy with her job, but she doesn't seem to care.

Clementine is responsible for briefing the team before missions, writing mission reports for Captain Jenna, Briefing Jezebel before press conferences, and if absolutely necessary, serving as backup on missions.

SOOOO sorry for being late to update my diary. April was...difficult. So let's get right to it!

Ok, so April in the beginning was more than tough. During the first few days of April, i had gone to the mall with two of my closest friends. people i love with all of my heart. And the day after that, one of my closest friends told me about how he didn't like how i treated him the day prior, as well as anytime we hung out. It absolutely hurt my SOUL to learn that small jokes, gags, and actions hurt him, and it hurt more that he felt like he couldn't be honest with me.

So, our friend group decided to take a break from talking for a while. And to build on this, i decided to take a break from the internet as a whole. But i think that I'm the only one who took things so "drastically".

So what did i do with my time? did i go insane from lack of Instagram? Did i turn into a recluse from lack of social inter action? NO! (well, to the first one at least.)

From the 4th to the 16th, i didn't really talk to anyone but my mom. But, during that time, i worked on myself and my mentality.

I started to go to on walks with my mom and i began to roller skate again! I started to write again and I'm really glad i started back up with it. I really missed it. I only really used my youtube for music, but when i would see the occasional video that would remind me of my friends, I'd feel a huge wave of guilt.

I wasn't ignoring those feelings, i looked at myself everyday and asked what could i do today to be better? and as the days went on i did feel better. But i still carried that guilt. I talked with my mom about it, and to be honest, i cried a lot about it. and she told me that I'm not grieving a lost friendship, it's just a break. And she was right. That quiet guilt i had was a mix of grief and fear, and i had to let that go.

As the rest of the month went on, i knew i would have to reach out and return to the internet a SOME POINT, but i was too nervous. What if i said something wrong? What if i pushed them further away? I didn't even know what to say, so my mom recommended i put all of my words into a doc (ik, verry twitter drama codded) and verry slowly, i turned those words into a proper letter of apology to the person i hurt.

When i went onto Instagram for the first time, i talked to ALL of my friends. over my break from the internet, i wondered if i had hurt anyone else i loved. So when i returned, i made sure to apologize to everyone. I wanted to make sure all of my friends knew that i cared about them, weather we talked every day, or just talked once a month. It didn't matter, they were my family.

My friend accepted my apology. But it would still be a while before things were back to normal, just without all of the accidently insensitive acts.

And that was my beginning half of April. I still go walking somedays (not when it's windy, i hate the wind), and there are some days where i wont go online unless a friend messages me. And just a few days ago, i got to hang out with my two friends again! we had a lot of fun and i made sure to be careful with what i did and said.

Now, onto the rest of my April...boy was it a ROLERCOASTER

I re-registered back in college! I also enrolled in my classes.

I went back to the club i used to go to. I actually thought i wasn't allowed on campus because my classes don't begin until the fall. But i actually am able to be apart of my club!

I played SO MUCH TOMODATCHI LIFEEEE! I still am, i love it so much.

I celebrated some birthdays, went to my friends play, and i helped my mom enroll into classes!!! I'm so happy that she's furthering her education. i knew that my entire existence forced her to put her life on hold.

Ok, that's all the good. Now for the not so good, yeah?

Last Tuesday, i headed to campus for club activities. on the way, the bus had to stop. As i waited at the bus stop, i noticed the yellow tape and officers putting up a tarp. The bus i was supposed to catch had to go another way, so i had to go across the street. while crossing the street, the wind blew yellow tape at me and i freaked out.

As i freaked out in the wind, i saw what was behind the tarp. I'm not going to talk too much about it because it's disrespectful to do that. But what i will talk about is about the thing that happened after that pissed me CLEAN off.

After i called my mom to tell her about the bus delay, and to honestly distract myself from what i saw, there was a man. this man came out of NOWHERE, jaywalked across the street ALMOST getting hit by a car, and once he got on the sidewalk, he pulled put his phone and said "Hey meta, start recording!"

ARE YOU KIDDING ME!? RECORDING A CRIME SCENE, A BODY THAT ISN'T EVEN COLD YET AND ASKING OFFICERS AND BYSTANDERS QUESTIONS ABOUT SOMETHING YOU HAVE NO BUSNESS WITH????

And as he left, i saw him sending the video to someone on Instagram. ARE YOU FUCKING INSANEEE!? HAVE YOU NO RESPECT FOR PEOPLE???

I went to school quietly SEETHING about the situation. But i talked to my club leader about it and i calmed down a little. When i got home, i grieved for that stranger and i moved on. But i still can't believe someone could do something so jwfrvhwigjroigjoiaextd ugh.

Then came Thursday. Early in the morning, my mom woke me up to tell me she was going to work. She always does this, mainly because when i was little i was terrified to wake up alone in our apartment and I'd hide in my room until she called.

Anyways, she tells me goodbye and leaves for work. after that, i went back to sleep. About an hour later, she calls me. I miss the first call, but i pick up the second call.

The first thing i hear is "Leave me alone, I'm not going anywhere with you". And i immediately woke up. I kept asking where she was but she just kept repeating that phrase. Then she told me to pack my things, that we had to leave IMMEDIATELY. I was terrified y'know? So i got out of bed and packed all of my important items.

a while later, she called again and told me it was a false alarm and that she was coming home. When she got back to me, she told me what happened. My stepdad threatened me and my mom. He told her that he would come over with a weapon, and hurt us.

When she told me this, my heart sank. My stepdad is a scary man. for YEARS of my life, i was scared to do anything because he was such a loose cannon. And when we moved away from him, i had nightmares about him finding us for the first few nights. I lived the rest of high school in fear, i graduated in fear, i started college in fear.

And just when i was starting to feel ok, JUST when i started to feel safe in our new home, my mom confirmed one of my worst fears. My stepdad is a man with nothing to lose, i know that better than anyone.

I told my REAL dad, and he told me we were protected. My mom filed a police report and told me to go about my day. But how am i supposed to be normal after that??? I wont lie. I cried on the bus. I kept my head on a swivel the entire way to school. I even contemplated bringing a weapon, but i didn't want to get in trouble.

I didn't tell anyone at school, I didn't want to bring the clubs mood down. And i really did have fun, but in the back of my mind, the thought of him finding me was still there.

I went to my dads house afterwards and talked with him and my sister. They reassured me that things would be ok. But come on. You tell a person who's been scared of someone for most of their life "hey! this guy's got our address and he threated you, but just be calm about it" there's no way a person will be calm, or at least, they'll be paranoid.

I started to checking the locks again, i still look behind me and around me when i go walking, and i don't answer the door without something to protect myself with.

For all of the progress i made with my friendships, I've regressed with my mental health. I'm sorry this diary update isn't all sunshine. But i really don't know where else to talk about my fears. I absolutely will NOT bring my friends into this, i don't want them to potently get hurt.

HELLOOOOOOOOOO THREEEE! it's been a while! I totally didn't forget about you all, if anyone is even reading this. ANYWAYS. Lets get down to business!

FEBUARY (All of it): My February was...uneventful, as it usually is. that's right, no valentines for me, i didn't even get any chocolate strawberries for myself unfortunately. But it's no biggie. Anyways, aside from getting chased by a homeless man on my friends birthday, after being harassed by a man on the bus a while earlier, it was a pretty chill first half of the month. For the second half of the month, i went to the gym with some friends and put in more job applications and before i knew it, the month was over.

NOW ONTO MARCH!

FIRST HALF: I got a primary care physician! i hung with a friend, and i got my braces fixed! a few days after that, I WENT TO THE BEACHHHHH! and although it was all foggy and cloudy (like silent hill), i had a lot of fun hanging with my buddies! i put in more applications and i got a call back! tho we're at the end of the month and i still haven't been called in for an interview...but i haven't necessarily been rejected yet!

SECOND HALF: I got rejected from 2 out of the 50 jobs i applied for. i did some writing for the first time in about 6 months. and most recently i just fought off a HUGE ASS ROACH just a few hours ago. aside from all that, it's been a quiet month.

How this prompt goes is essentially:

All throughout the city, underground racing gangs have been getting bolder and bolder by the day. Racing during the day, racing in dangerous and restricted areas, and more importantly putting the general public in "danger" according to the news.

Because of this, the police have created a new branch of the police force, one specifically for catching these high speed "delinquents." They're fast, smart, and will stop at NOTHING to take these underground racers down.

This is where your two main characters come in: A is essentially a rookie in the new speed force, but climbing the ranks pretty quickly.

During a late night stakeout, A catches sight of B for the first time. A is immediately starstruck by the fast car with an unforgettable paint job, and goes after B.

From there it's a game of cat and mouse, B is cocky and always escaping A's grasp.

A is constantly chasing after B whenever they see that car, and constantly getting ticked off by B's taunting and tricks.

But as time goes on, things slowly change. Rage inducing taunts like "Your nothing without me." and "The minute you slip up, your mine."

Slowly turn into

"Things get boring without you." And "Im starting to look forward to these chases of ours."

But nothing lasts forever. A's boss notices this activity and decides to put A through a test of sorts. A now has to choose.

The badge, or B.

HELLOOOOOOO THEREEEEE! It's me, waffle. i promised to return at the end of the month with a recap, and here i am! to anyone who reads these posts, here's my January recap!

WEEK ONE: i celebrated my would-be birthday on the third, i played through frosty-fest and lost, and i got to hang out with some friends!

WEEK TWO(the chaos begins): i started looking for jobs because my mom has this insane plan to move into a hotel for 4 months(I'll explain in detail later), i got sick. thanks dad, continued to look for jobs while sick, once i recovered from being sick i did some voice acting auditions, i got the role! immediately after getting accepted for the role i got bronchitis, suffocated in the middle of the night and had to go to the hospital.

WEEK THREE(the breakdown): continued to look for work while sick, the pressure of my moms plan, mixed with my dad pressuring me to get a job so i can help my mom with rent, mixed with me being stressed because I've gotten no call backs from ANYONE/being sick caused me to have a full on breakdown where i did nothing but cry in bed and not eat until my mom yelled at me to eat something (she means well). mom and i had a one to one talk, i continued to look for jobs despite being in bad shape because i REALLY want to help my mom, still haven't found anything so i just focused on getting better.

WEEK FOUR: started feeling better, went outside for the first time in a while to get a pretzel, while outside i mayyyyy have brought a sewing machine on impulse (i absolutely love it though and i cant wait to do huge projects with it!), looked for more jobs, mom told me to stop and focus on college, started to stress because the classes i wanted to take are filled up, went up to the school and picked out random classes, met up with my dad to tell him about the classes i picked and he immediately got mad at me for not picking a trade, i tried to explain to him that those classes were filled up but he just kept going on and on and on, this just made me more mad and stressed so i dropped those classes.

WEEK FIVE(this week): stayed inside, looked for more jobs knowing i probably wouldn't get a response(i didn't to no ones surprise), stayed in bed sulking and barely eating, got to talk on the phone with friends, i guess mom noticed how dejected i was because she suggested we go out. and that's what we did today! we walked around the mall and i really enjoyed myself.

it was a pretty rocky January for me, and this is all WITHOUT mentioning current world events. i know with everything going on, i really shouldn't be complaining about my problems. but i don't want to burden my friends, my parents will just talk about how they had it harder when they were my age, and all of my siblings are busy with their own life and i don't want to bother them. so i figured I'd just dump it all here in my digital diary. again, I'm not exactly sure if anyone will read this, so why not just write it all out?

and about my mom's plan: basically, she want's to move out of our current place and live in a hotel for a few months, and during these months, she plans to save all of her money so she can move. while i understand why she wants to do this, and i even want to help her (which is why I've been looking for jobs), i find the plan as a whole kind of insane. she wants me to go with her and i want to to but i kinda maybe have a small fear of hotels (ridiculous i know). again, if she thinks this will work, I'm more than willing to go along with it and help her, but to do this i need a way to make money FAST (and preferably legally) so i can not only help my mom, but prove to my dad that i AM a competent 19 year old.

i love my dad, i really do, but he's a old and harsher than sandpaper. if i cant find a trade, i need a job, and if i cant find a job or do both, I'm a failure in his eyes. and if I'm a failure in his eyes, then I'm a failure to my family (the curse of being someone who wants to pursue art). so i have to do my best, or else.

Hey there! been a while, hasn't it? I've been meaning to come back and update this blog, but life has been Kicking. My. Ass. So i figured with the last day of the year, i can do one big life recap! and I promise to ACTUALY update this blog once a month from now on. That is, if anyone even reads these.

ANYWAYS, let's start from where we left off. June i believe?

JUNE - AUGUST: Graduated from high school and had a summer that felt like the movies! (minus the romance, more of a summer comedy with theater kids). I started writing for a visual novel I'm making. And the reality of adulthood came crashing down on me. :(

AUGUST - SEPTEMBER: I started collage! More like stumbled I joined a club full of super cool people. I dropped out of statistics because i had a mental breakdown and realized i don't want to be a nurse. I continued with my psychology class because it was fun and interesting. I picked up an ASL class out of curiosity and the possibility of becoming an interpreter. While not at school, i got back into cosplay and saw lots of movies with friends.

OCTOBER - NOVEMBER: I decided to drop out of my ASL class because while i did get the material and had been able to have full on conversations with my deaf teacher, i was dumb as all hell I failed a lot of the quizzes and could not keep up because is didn't have money for the book we needed. I hated that i had to drop the class because i genuinely liked the class and learned a lot, not just about sign language, but about deaf people in general. I missed Halloween for the first time (my favorite holiday EVER). I hosted my first ever party for Halloween and thanksgiving. Finished my Psychology class with a "C". Contemplated weather or not school was for me or not. Sent in 12 WHOLE job applications to one store and got no reply. Got back into cars and video games.

DECEMBER: I'm almost done writing for my game (i just need to learn to draw :P). Had a really bad breakdown about my place in the world and not wanting to be a failure to my parents. What they said did not make me feel better AT ALL. Found a childhood game i loved and started to play it again (yall should TOTALY check out sunset overdrive). I TURNED 19. On my birthday party my entire friend group crashed out on one of our "friends" because we found out that not only was she manipulating us, but a lot of other things I really want to talk abut but I'm already exhausted by the whole thing. Put in more job applications. Did some voice acting auditions. And I'm getting ready to take my drivers test! :)

Im at the beach! I collected a whole bunch of rocks with my friend "J". We were here celebrating our friend "Z's" birthday. I love the atmosphere of the beach, even if i dont get in the water. Watching the waves, the clouds, and the people walking by just makes me feel at peace (and not to mention the cool ass rocks i found). Maybe next time we all go to the beach i can bring my rollerblades.

-Waffle

UPDATE!

Here's some pictures i took today~

If you come across this post, or page, or whatever this is (it's been years since i used tumblr) you, internet person, have found my virtual diary! I'll most likely just post here to yap, tell stories and leave story concepts (that your diffidently free to use), and maybe even trauma dump a lil. until then, Tootles 8D