Wading in Grace

IT’S IN THE WAITING. 

05.31.2018

John 6:40 “I will raise them up on the last day.” 

It’s in the waiting,

after we’ve looked to the son,

and believed in him,

God will raise us on the last day.

INVISIBLE FAITH

05.15.2018

“Faith is taking the first step when you don’t see the whole staircase.”

Ironice that the quote falls on this page. I have a word on my heart that I want to share and lay down a the feet of Jesus.

The last time that I fully surrendered my life plan to God, it was when I was feeling the most list and most excied, so many possibilities ahead, I just needed to trust God for my next steps after college. 

However, those next steps never came in large signs that smacked me in the face. They came in feelings, emotions, and moments of totally stepping out and hoping God would be there to catch me.

It’s only when I look back and see God’s provision and his faithfullness, everything the way that I know it, was all in his plan. 

It’s been such a long time since I’ve written but I felt God put it on my heart the other day because writing is when I can really dive into my feelings with him. So much has happened over the past year and reading all of my old posts shows how amazingly faithful God really is. 

One of my first posts talked about how God put it on my heart in February of 2016 to start my own business. Little did I know that business was something completely different than what I originally had in mind, but God gave me a better idea and continues to bless it everyday. I love my job and could not be more grateful for it. 

I also wrote about not knowing why I’m in Charlotte. I’ve met some incredible people here and really enjoyed living ‘down South.’ So much so that I don’t think I’ll ever move back North. However, I’m still not 100% sure why I’m in Charlotte. I sometimes feel disconnected as someone who works from home, it’s hard to meet new people and really have a friend group like I did before.

Sean and I are looking to move and trusting so heavily on God to put us where he wants us. I’m so incredibly proud of Sean for leaning on God to lead him instead of his own personal desires. We’ve grown so much spiritually as a couple, he even woke me up to pray with him the other night which was literally an answered prayer in itself. I have faith that God will work things out for his good, and I’m trusting him without resistance, but also just wondering, “what’s next?” 

It has been such a long time since I’ve written. So much has changed and while I feel lost along the way I know it’s not in vein. After spending months in the place I thought I was being called to be, life had me itching to return to a city. I moved to Charlotte without much thought. While I’m so grateful for this beautiful city and all of the genuine people I’ve met here so far, I am constantly asked “why did you move here?”

In reality, I don’t know the answer to that question. All I know was that I was itching to get out of the small town that I’d been trapped in for the past 7 months. I felt like I did what I was called to do by serving the college ministry, but soon everyone returned back to their daily routines and I realized that was not my journey. I’d visited Charlotte a lot and really felt at home, so I took the leap of faith and moved. 

While I don’t know why I’m here, I know God wouldn’t have allowed everything to fall into place if it wasn’t meant to be. Since I’ve moved here, I’ve had so many little “God moments,” such as my neighbor being my small group leader, out of anywhere in this big city, or running into a woman at church who lives in the town that I grew up in. The people that I’ve met here have all been so welcoming and I know that my move was not for no reason. 

Two girls specifically that I’ve met here have told me the amazing stories of how God has given them clear visions for their life. There was a time in my life where I felt that, and I pursued that, but I feel a little lost again. When I feel lost I tend to invest my time in finding meaning, taking on too much, and not being present. However, I need to remember that resting, abiding, and listening to God is the only way I’ll ever have that clear vision of his plan for me. 

“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall remain stable and fixed under the shadow of the Almighty.” Psalm 91:1

So today I was baptized for the first time. I wanted to reflect on the moment and what it means because baptism is supposed to mark a new beginning, freedom, and cleansing. 

This past year was one of the hardest of my life emotionally. I dealt with some very unhealthy situations which drove me to develop severe anxiety. Even after choosing to walk away from the situations, the shame and guilt of the time spent in those seasons continued to eat away at me on the inside. On top of that, major life changes left me feeling lost and without purpose. 

However, the past 3 months have been full of true joy, rest, and abiding in God’s plan for me. I was thrown into a new city, without knowing a single soul, and found a home at a local church here. The church itself offered tons of opportunities to serve the community and youth of the college town - a passion that I’ve developed over my own struggles with finding my purpose. Although the life I currently lead is not the one I would’ve pictured in my head years ago, I’ve come to realize that life will never go the way you’ve planned it. There is a greater plan, that is the best plan, and brings the most joy, peace, and fulfillment.