vivianne 🌙

me when patchouli knowledge: haha patchouli knowledge!!!!!!!!!!

VOTIBOTANO 📍

TOMA SEQUÊNCIA DE DANMAKU NA DZ7 X TAMBOR CONGA 150 BPM (VUC VUC)

157 DO JACA

i can't talk to people. i can't look people in the eyes. it feels like i'm perpetually stuck in a constant state of anxiety and dread. most days i wake up feeling like i'm being pulled down by immense force and then i realize it is just my heart sinking fast to record-breaking depths. and then the unending pressure just makes it explode. all day long. i can't breathe. love is stored in the lungs and i'm constantly drowning. and i feel the need to choke myself with a thousand cigarettes at every waking moment. and i'm constantly cold. there is something severely wrong with me. i have been spiralling down for as long as i remember. i came back to take care of myself but things only got worse. i can't sleep anymore. i miss having nightmares everyday. the relief after waking up. now my brain tortures me with cheap tricks, showing me "happy dreams". glimpses into better days and better times that never happened. things that will never come true. i'm starving and it dangles crumbs in front of me. and it hurts. it hurts more than anything. and i don't really know how to "heal" or even what "facing your emotions" means. everything feels like a lesson in impermanence. i can't hold on to anything, not even to a sense of self. and there is something deeply wrong with me. but i don't want to be a downer. and i don't want to hurt anyone. and i don't want to cause trouble. or problems. and i don't reach out. i'm not around. i won't be. and that's okay. hope you're doing well.

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