ushijima must have been a very lonely child.
it's important to me that everyone knows that this is 2.2k words of haikyuu analysis in the big 26. there are spoilers for things both pre and post timeskip! i am so sorry. this is all i have to offer. please enjoy, there will probably be more
his bluntness is a defining character trait, and if you don't look close enough it seems like he holds people at length. i would argue he doesn't— the formality that he treats the people around him with varies a lot (i.e. he calls hinata by his full ass government name, but only uses last names for his team members), and even then, it's not reciprocated. the third years all call him wakatoshi. tendou makes fun of him (and i do think the rest of them do as well, given the comment about him being a volleyball idiot, though maybe to a lesser extent). they all sit together at lunch pre-timeskip, and are all still friends post.
we don't see that much of shiratorizawa? we don't see them nearly as much as karasuno, and so we have much less reason to be interested in their continued friendship over time, so i think that it's supposed to be at least a little important that we see them together after high school. it's thematically satisfying that ushijima and tendou are still friends, but what about the rest of them? what does that mean?
and i think it comes back to ushiwaka.
it is incredibly easy to paint him as cold, or overwhelmingly detached, or completely emotionally stunted, but the text (or the anime? lol) doesn't support that notion. yes, he's earnest, and yes, he doesn't mince words (and yes, there is textual support for him being neurodivergent or at the very least having struggles with social cues comma however that is not the same thing at allllll), but he does make a genuine (and continual! there's a reason why we see what we see post time skip for him) effort to be decent, if not kind. there are several characters in haikyuu who come at karasuno (or other teams) without regard for decency, and they make it quite obvious. that's not saying that anyone is genuinely bad, or truly mean in any way, but the characters that want to get in other characters' heads make that desire plain. there are characters that are genuinely arrogant— and while you can make an argument that ushiwaka is, i wouldn't say so? the way he interacts with others and the way he interacts with his team provides arguments to the contrary.
the narrative demands that the pressure of performance be put on ushijima. his coach demands it, his team demands it, the school demands it, his plans for the future demand it, he demands it of himself. part of the emotional core of ushijima is that he doesn't crack under pressure, not really— even the tiniest of fissures he makes up for rather quickly afterwards. there are several different ways of dealing with that pressure, and ushijima's method is just bearing it. he does it well, too— the entirety of the shiratorizawa match shows that, where he's being targeted the entire game and he still scores over 40 points by the end of it. the narrative demands that the people around ushijima, and even the reader, have insane expectations for him. those expectations extend to his personality— he is the unassailable eagle, the incredibly high mountain that karasuno has to cross in order to get to nationals. the team is made for him. it's a highly individualistic, highly self-centered play. he's self-centered, he has no regard for other people, he's haughty, stuck-up, unkind.
something that stuck out to me in my rewatch of s3 was a tiny, tiny moment in episode 9 where ushijima apologizes to tsukki for dislocating his finger. it's a split second, and it's silent, so it's easy to miss (i have missed it several times)— he just holds up a hand when tsukki lines up with him, and tsukki nods back at him to tell him it's okay. he seems to hold no qualms about apologizing— if he makes any mistake, if he misses any point, he'll turn around and say sorry. he prefaces his dismissal of hinata with an apology for any offense caused (which isn't really an apology, but i still think it speaks to his personality). after losing the match the karasuno, he initiates the 100 serves they have to do, despite literally handing off the team two seconds earlier. he very easily will bear the brunt of the responsibility for the team, but seems not to respond to the sense of glory or true arrogance at all. he is essentially the only person that speaks about shiratorizawa as a unit— washijou obviously projects on him, some of his teammates are competing with him (despite mutual affection), hinata and kageyama are personally competing with them, everyone is seeing the matches as ushijima vs the world except ushijima himself.
i do not doubt that we will win. i never do.
there's a common (mis)conception about shiratorizawa that i mentioned earlier. ushijima's character is revealed through the match, and if one thinks that the team is centered around or created for wakatoshi, it's easy to come to the conclusion that he is, in fact, the only man that exists as an island. but that's not necessarily true— the team is constructed to rely on wakatoshi. the same strength that he uses to hold karasuno down is the one that elevates shiratorizawa, that damn near singlehandedly pushes them into superstar status (hence, miracle boy! lol). he doesn't even seem to desire to be distinguished that much— he's contrasted with semi and goshiki, who do! who want praise, who want recognition, who are competing with their teammates as much as they're competing with the other teams, but when ushijima tells shirabu to give him the ball, when he talks to goshiki, he's not calling for attention—
and yes, his reservation is clear. there are a great many emotions he doesn't show. there is no great soliloquy about the spotlight. there is no overwhelming sense of inferiority that defines his every move. there is no fear of investing too much and receiving too little.
there is just his father.
ushijima's relationship with his parents is his relationship with volleyball. the aforementioned asymmetry between the distance he holds between him and the others and yet how close he lets them get, his willingness to work on their behalf and put his body behind that will, his genuine decency— ushijima exists in the tension between expectation and sentiment, and it's why he can breathe after losing. the expectation has washed away, and now there is only sentiment.
the one scene that we get of him at home is spliced between expectation and sentiment, as well. it starts with his mother saying that his left-handedness is something to be corrected, and his father standing up for him (rather emotionally, might i add). the expectation is that he conforms, the sentiment is split between protection and the hope that that protection allows him to blossom into something new and spectacular. the scene at the end of the movie where he gives pointers to every first and second year is split between expectation and sentiment— goshiki expects to be corrected on every little mistake he's made, he expects to be told off, but the only sentiments are the ones that ushijima showed him throughout the entire match. he's confident in him, he's confident in his talent, he's not bothered by his mistakes or what he has to learn, he genuinely encourages him to keep doing better, he accepts his dig (about being stopped by the first years) as constructive criticism and agrees with him.
he waves away all of that expectation with a simple "i'm counting on you."
from the reigning super ace to his heir, i'm sure could be no greater compliment.
we see what defined his volleyball journey in that small conversation that we're shown, where he's practicing bumps with his father. it's not about that ace's physique, or his height, or his strength— it's about his dependability and the confidence he inspires in others. literally—
he wasn't just all height though. he had this confidence about him. this air of absolute reliability! we all knew if we just put up the ball for him, he'd surely make it count! he could do everything! he did do everything for us! just watching him was so exciting…!
and ushijima very specifically models himself after the person his father admired, not his father. i think that's poignant, important— he modeled himself after someone his father already had affection for. he wanted his affection.
it's just i kinda hope you'll still like volleyball in some way. that'd make me happy.
ushijima's playing, for all of its bravado, for all of the brute strength, for all of the almost comical sincerity, is just a bid for connection.
the second part of the conversation highlights this— when utsui talks about how many people that ushijima will meet and get to know and learn from, he's telling him that volleyball will not only bring him closer to himself, but that it'll bring him close to others. it will connect him with the people around him, which he seems to have trouble doing— it will fill him with a sense of purpose and give him a bridge to the kind of warmth he seems to crave, if not, at least, constantly drift towards.
and he does crave it. every isolated moment of reassurance that ushijima gives is warm, in his own little odd way. he imparts an overwhelming and unfailing sense of confidence, in both himself and his team. he doesn't doubt them for a second, he says so! even after they lose, that sense of confidence is unshaken. even tendou doesn't realize how closely he's watching them, how well he knows them, because it's not ostensible but that scene after the match wouldn't be there if it wasn't saying that ushijima wants to know his team. he has no skin in the game anymore, there's no personal glory to be gained by giving them advice at the end of his time at shiratorizawa. but there is warmth to be earned. there is connection. there is the reveal of his attention and his care for them, even though i think it's super obvious during the match as is.
and there are a couple of moments in the anime and manga where the focus just lingers on him, even when his face doesn't change— one of those times is when tendou says that his father might see him if he keeps playing, to which he agrees, and another one is in chapter 186 where—
he's under ridiculous stress and has gotta be exhausted! don't tell me that isn't affecting him at all!
and it flashes back to him as a child, in the yard with his father. (before calling him crazy for volleyball).
ushijima's greatest moments have very little to do with the sheer amount of power that he has or the amount of control he has over the ball, and everything to do with the sentiment behind it, and though that is true for most characters in haikyuu (because it's a psychological ball manga, come on now), it rings loudest for him because he's constructed so simply and so earnestly. ushijima would be nothing without the moments where he longs for something sentimental— to be childish and crush hinata, to be dependable and to be relied upon, to be cool to children—
to be seen, and known, and loved.
and though his worst habits and his "power over everything" playstyle grow and shift over time, the underlying bid for connection never changes. it's why his relationship with tendou remains strong over the years. it's why a child calling volleyball boring bothers him. it's why he improves. it's why kuroo can bribe him with the very concept of children thinking he's cool. it's why he goes to the training camp after retiring as a third year. it's why his father shows up in his arc at all.
it's why he plays in the first place.
it's just a bid for connection.
i thought it might be nice to be someone like that.
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