Pleasure and Pain

If these are here, then I’m off tumblr. For how long, I have no idea. It’s okay though. Whether a day, or forever, no matter. All we ever have is an instant anyway.

Here are some pictures of me. I like the idea of my silly face being here for however long they last. I had moments of frivolity, and moments of profundity. My life is/was a good one in so many ways. Even so, I look forward to what’s next.

It will be great to get past this, and I will. One way or another.

I have made some amazing friends while I was here. Found love and soul companions. That is a good thing.

My face may have been quite silly, but my ass was always serious!

Always tried to figure out why she’was in so much of my poetry, so much of my heart. Being with her was the closest to what I had always dreamed real love to be. Yes, we were both chameleons, we’re clueless and clumsy Butwanted to be the other’s light, though we we were afraid. Even so, there is so much more to it than that. At least for me. I can’t speak for her, and that truth took me many years to understand.

I was too damn afraid to do what I needed to do, to show her how overflowing my soul was with love for her. All she saw was me retreating, and I understand her reaction.

I’ve heard that the truth can’t be hidden. Eventually, all will come to light. I don’t think I believe that, anymore. There are more truths buried in the sands of this desert soul than there have ever been spoken. We all hide truth, in the deep recesses of our hearts. In one way, or another, we all live the lie sometimes. It builds, and it builds, pressure mounting like an angry god of fire. Until something breaks inside, and we explode, or kill a part of ourselves.

I have killed too much of me. A thousand thousand truths stepped on, shoved down down down, until...All that’s left are ashes, and pain. Even in the sunshine, all I feel is the dark.

This is my goodbye, my admission of every wrong committed, and every wound given and received. Probably there was a better way, but that is a path I did not, could not follow. So, I say goodbye to the laughter, and to the tears. Life is hard, yes, but it’s also so beautiful. I hope that some of that beauty comes with me where I go. Wherever that may be.

Been lost so long

heart bruised, using and being used

can't hear my own

own heart-song

Mouth of ashes, and dust

covered in the bridges I burnt

silver tongue now only rust

Still, I keep searching

searching for the voice that I lost

wounding, and being wounded

just add it to the cost

the cost of living is dying

no such thing as release

Still looking to find my voice

though all burns

when has come the day

winding down to the end

no matter what they do, or say

don’t weep for me my friend

there are some here

who feel too keenly the bleeding edge

holding this life, not so dear

Always walking so close

close to the ledge

weep not for those

who’s day has finally come

for none of us really knows

what happens when our day

when our day is done

Just think of me, from time to time

with a smile

perhaps a rhyme

let us sit for a while

when has come the night

a cooling balm to my soul

know, my love, that

all is right

that I am, finally,

we forget to remember

the nights of wondrous

reflection

that glorious November

under moon and stars so young

a moment of

perfection

caught, pressed ‘tween our souls

songs of praise and glory

dripping from your tongue

we remember to forget

behind masks cracked and broken

those halcyon nights of yore

every word or hearts had spoken

fly, they fly

but now the moon and stars have set

love will come...

Let me go

sweetest friend

struck loose from the bonds

of memory, and time

All we thought

what we did, or did not know

dissolve with no reason

and no rhyme

There is hope here

sunlight shining upon

an endless day

Nothing left of hate, nor fear

nothing left to say

though never will we see

or touch the other again

Let me go, my dearest love