The Virgin Diversion

This isn't really a tip... More my confusion. A man messaged me saying, "You're pretty, but I don't think we'd be good together. Good luck finding someone." 

Um, ouch. Thanks for that unnecessary tidbit, fella. 

And THEN: "Actually, I may have spoken too soon. After a further look at your profile, I think we would do very well together. This website is just really bad at matching people." 

Yeah... no. For many reasons, no, but here's three:

1) It's not up to you. You don't get to say, "Oh, I like you now. Now we're good."  2) You insulted me first by even mentioning we wouldn't be good together. If you felt that way, you shouldn't have messaged me in the first place.  3) You trusted the website to do your reading AND thinking for you. 

If you're going to message me, don't start off by calling me "hun," "baby," "sweetie," "beautiful," or any other weird pet names. 

Wanna know the secret of "Why? Why, Whore Maiden? Why can't I call you beautiful when you are? Why can't I call you honey when you're sweet? Why can't I call you any of these things when I know that's what I want you to eventually be?" 

Key word: Eventually. 

Even if I liked being called those things, I don't like being called those things by a stranger. And, good sir, that's what you are. A stranger. 

Whore Maiden's Tip of the Day

For you online dating men, don't ever say the following: 

"I'm very interested in you... Why? Well, for one, I love Asian women. :)" 

If you were a dog, I would hit you on the nose with a newspaper. 

Whore Maiden, checking in.

So I know I said I would write about my first date EVER (teaser: it was at the tender age of 19), but I happened to recently go on my second date so I figured I would write about it while it was still semi-fresh in my head. 

Kind of makes me want to take a notebook on these dates to write notes, but I'm preettyyy sure that would not be received well by the other party ("Excuse me, can you repeat that hilarious thing you said that wasn't actually hilarious, where I laughed just to be polite?")

But on that note, I went to go meet a guy I am going to call Journalist, because (whodathunkit) that's his occupation.

A little background info:  I met him on OKC, and the first time I went on his profile, he intrigued me. He seemed very intellectual and carried himself well. Our conversation online was actually pretty short before he suggested we meet, which I thought was odd at first, but not odd enough to say no.  Here's the oddest part:  That first time I went on his profile, he had no head. I mean, his profile picture was just of his body. And not one of those creepy body pictures either--just a guy chilling with all clothes on and you can't see his face. 

Ah, I thought. An experiment for myself. With online dating, I find that I have become a shallow person, despite the fact that I'm no raving beauty myself. Well, I'm not ugly, but I'm not a beauty. Even if I was beautiful, I'm pretty sure my crass personality takes care of that. 

I digress. 

So, wanting to think of myself as unshallow, I decided, "Why not?" He had a great profile, a great thinking brain, a non-perverted opener, able to punctuate and capitalize his sentences... Seemed like an online keeper to me. So I agreed to meet him for coffee. 

When I walked in, I went to the counter to order coffee, thinking he hadn't arrived yet. An Asian man came up to me and asked if I was ________ (No, I am not going to tell you my name). I got a sinking feeling in my stomach. To explain, I'm not that attracted to Asian guys. In my experience, I am very attracted to the white guys. It's not a racist thing. That's just who I'm attracted to. But then, giving him a second perusal, I wasn't disappointed. He had a very mature look. Not snobbish, but just... put together well. He dressed very well, probably because he had just gotten off of work, and he told me he would sit at a table and wait for me. I told him I would join him after buying coffee. 

Here's a touchy subject:  He didn't pay for me. 

Now, I'm an independent woman with a job. I shouldn't expect any man to pay for me and yet... The damn coffee was less than $3. If he took me to dinner, I might have insisted on paying for myself to establish my independence, etc. etc. I just don't want a guy paying for me all the time because it makes me feel beholden and I don't like that. But for goodness' sakes, it's just coffee. On a first date. Pay for the gal, would ya? 

When I sit down, that's when our conversation picks up. He talks, I talk, and our conversation is great. Downright fun. We talk about weird experiences we've had with strippers (or in his case, his "friend"), strangest interview questions we've gotten, and where we've lived. He talked about his dog, and I adore dogs so that's not a problem for me. For the 2.5 hours we were there, we were having a good time together. 

Somewhere in that 2.5 hours, he drops the bomb.  

He came out of a ten-year relationship 6 months ago. I can only blink in astonishment, and mouth reassurances. All I can think is, yikes. As we continue to talk, it just kind of circles my brain, like a kamikaze pilot looking for a place to land and explode. 

When we go outside to leave, I don't know if he is going to try to hug me, but it doesn't seem like it so I awkwardly wave and say bye. I parked pretty far, so I thought he might do the gentleman thing and walk me to my car. I'm also unprepared for cold weather and wearing a light jacket. 

I think him not doing that was the straw that broke the camel's back. 

I called Stranger Danger on my walk to the car in case I got mugged. I told her about my date, and I was actually excited because it went so much better than my other first date. I said I would definitely meet him for a second date, despite the paralyzed camel with its broken back, because at the very least I could get a good conversation out of it.

He texted me the next day and I texted him, and we texted for a little bit, but that kind of died off. He told me his schedule, since he is super busy, but the next available day I have for him is in March. Actually, it's in February but it's Valentine's Day weekend and... no. Just no.

I take that as a sign that us two busy souls are not meant to be. Plus, after talking to Stranger Danger further, I realized that although we talked a lot and had fun, the sparks that I want aren't there. 

Whew, sorry for the super long post. 

Let's take it back. Wayyyy back!

I first started online dating back in late 2011. I was living abroad and had befriended a couple of girl friends that would get together once in a while to do girly things like gossip... about boys. I remember it was around Christmas and they were all chatting about OKCupid. I also remember thinking that I would never do that. Why put so much information out there to meet strangers? Then you start thinking about it some more. Maybe this could be fun. 

So I took the leap. I wasn't meeting anyone the old fashion way anyways. I also figured there was always going to be the worst case scenerio. Oh, he's going to be psycho and kill me. Or, one could say the best case scenario where you meet the love of your life that you would have never met any other way. Have I told you that my best friend found her fiance via online right? Yeah, lucky bitch.

Anyway, my first experience was pretty awesome. I went from having no one really interested in me to a flow of men. Not to say that all of them were quality. If you've ever had the courage to post a profile of you online, you know what I mean. 

I do appreciate my first date with Weight Loss. I was 25 at the time and he was 22. I could tell he was a nice guy and what sparked my interest was that he had lost an abnormal amount of weight. He had even posted before and after pictures. Now, the bad part about this was that I pursued the conversation with him because I figured I looked a lot better. Horrible! It only shows how uncomfortable I was with my own looks.

The date was pretty stereotypical. We met for dinner at some high end Chinese restaurant and later went to continue our conversation at a coffee shop nearby. The whole time I kept asking myself why I had chosen him of all the people who messaged me to go on a date. 

I realized two things that day.

1. Dating someone my brother's age is not going to work. I read somewhere that women are an average 5 years more mature than a guy the same age. Oh my, how that was evident that day.

2. I need to develop my standards. What am I looking for? Going out with a guy because he lost a bunch of weight and thinking I had nothing to lose since he couldn't do better... What was I thinking? We were so incompatible that it was hilarious. He was still in school and living with his parents. I was graduated and living by myself, making my own way in life. No, there are way more important things to dating someone than feeling like you should date someone "less attractive" than you. It's also shows how low my self esteem was at the time. 

Lesson learned. Have some confidence. He may not be "the one", but don't waste your time on pity dates. Pity for you and him. 

I wish I could say that I chose to meet different types of people after, but I continued to seek men that was less attractive to me my first couple of months of online dating. 

Weight Loss didn't make it past date one and it was the first time I found myself having to decline further communication. Quite awkward. 

How funny that we set up this blog to document our adventures towards becoming devirginized and a couple of dates later... it happened. Well, to me anyways. 

Oh, Mr. Ninja Turtles! I knew there was something about him when I first  met him. The thought of him lingered and my girl friends said it was because we got a little physical on our first date. I agree, but I also realize that it's probably because he was the first person I had met that I was genuinely attracted to. It wasn't even his looks. It was just the mystery of him and how nonchalant his perspective on life was. 

Well, what the heck even happened? 

A lot and not that much. He left for a couple of weeks and reached out for a second meet up at a hookah bar. One thing led to another and I came home 3AM the next morning thinking, "What did I just do?". Haha. Interestingly enough, there was no regret. I still felt the same. I still want the same things, but I guess I could finally say I wasn't a virgin?

What's that even worth though. I'm still trying to figure it out. We met the next week and again, it happened. Yet, I still can't really comprehend it. I'm dissatisfied. 

Then you realize that the whole time the idea of being a virgin felt so suffocating, but really it's the idea of being alone. The idea that maybe, just maybe, you're one of those people that are meant to be alone. I know, sounds crazy. I guess I just thought that sex would bring people closer together, but it doesn't. 

Was it fun? Yes. Would I do it again? Probably. Am I happy? Not sure. 

He confuses me and I feel more vulnerable than ever. 

Ladies, sex is just not all that it has been hyped up to be. Then again, it's probably takes that special someone to make it that way.

Not sure what lies ahead now. Do I see other people or do I keep wishfully thinking. 

I'm a bit ahead of my fellow blogger, Whore Maiden, when it comes to the number of first dates I've been on. I am quite confident she'll catch up pretty soon though. Instead of starting from the beginning, I'm going to dedicated my first solo post on the blog to my latest experience -- Mr. Ninja Turtles!

What the hell does Ninja Turtles have to do with this date? 

One, I love to nickname every guy I've gone on a date with. Two, and most importantly, he wore a bright Ninja Turtles t-shirt on our date that pretty much was a huge symbol to what kind of person he was.

Tall, moderate build, wavy brown hair, plus a beard? I was definitely not disappointed. I love beards! I was already attracted to his pictures online and how he had a really creative job as a furniture designer. He was one of the only people I've actually gone out of my way to message first. 

One message turned into a couple messages and soon we had made plans to meet. He actually called me just get to know more about me and to set some plans for our date. Good sign. I found that pretty cute and very assertive of him. I like assertive. 

However, when it came to the day of the date, I still had no idea where or what time we were supposed to meet. Bad sign. After huffing and puffing to myself, I finally texted him that unless he tells me where to go, I wouldn't be able to meet him. Immediately he messages to meet him at a cafe near his house. Oh no problem, you only live about 40 minutes from me and I have to pay for parking too? I hate you, but I'll go anyways.

This is when the t-shirt becomes significant. The cafe he chose was super hipster and right when I saw what he's wearing, everything made sense. He's one of those super chill, whatever goes, why have rules kind of guy. Okay, I dig this. I actually found myself giggling because I found him pretty charming. 

Our date ended up lasting for a while. He was good at conversation and I knew it wasn't going to be a waste of time when we were starting build on our each other's jokes. 

After a bite to eat and playing around at the arcade (yeah, random), he walked me back to my car. It was a really cold night and he stuck pretty close to me, putting his arm around my back to guide me across the street. Throughout the date he was pretty good about touching me enough to show he was interested, but not too much were I wanted to shout rape. Perfect for me because if you haven't guessed why my pen name is Stranger Danger, you can probably guess now.

Which is why it's pretty hilarious that conservative ol' me was making out with Ninja Turtles right outside my car. More hilarious because although he was the one who pulled me in, I was the one who started dominating. My god, can we say I need to get laid?!

The verdict on him is still pending. We made out once more before we said our good byes. Unfortunately I haven't had a chance to see him again since I was out of training for a week and he left for Boston for three weeks. 

We've been messaging back and forth a little bit. It's made me feel like a stage 5 clinger though since the days after our first date I was being crazy paranoid about whether or not he liked me. I swear, I have the emotions of a 12 year old.

Fast forward to this past Saturday. He's back in town and we're supposed to meet soon."Supposed to" is key here. 

Wonder what shirt he'll wear this time...

Can I try to have attached, maybe some strings sex first? And even if I did, any sex with you is an automatic NO. 

Hello all, 

Whore Maiden here! First post! Just a warning, but this is probably going to be my most boring post.

Just had my first real date yesterday, and I gotta admit, it wasn't that impressive. Being my first date in... oh, EVER (my actual first date doesn't count. I'll post that up later), it was disappointing, to be honest. I don't know what I expected (not fireworks), but I had been sweating from nerves before. Surely, a first date would have some zing to make that sweat worth it. Of course, the lack of zing could have very well been my downfall in this date... Am I supposed to expect a zing? Does that hurt my chances more than the guy's?

Anyways, on with the date.

We’ll call him Cop, as that was his occupation and I just began to think of him that way even before we met. Plus, at the time, I felt he was trying to sell his job to me as well as himself. 

We met for almost exactly one hour, and sipped coffee during conversation. When he left, he expressed how he didn't want to leave but he had a prior engagement with his coworkers. 

When people asked how my date went, I can’t answer that it went badly. We just talked about ourselves a lot and we never ran out of conversation. He asked me a lot of intuitive questions, but it's all jumbled up.

Here’s the thing—nice guy, great personality, but if I were to have had to date him? I would kill him. 

He has conversational ADD, not letting me finish a story before we jump to the next topic. He randomly interrupted to tell me a random compliment (which was nice, but annoying). He told me the last girl he dated found him “too energetic.” All things I might have been able to live with, if the next part never happened. 

He thought of himself as worldly while I only laughed along. An example of this would be how he did his Vietnamese coworker's accent. I don't care how good your accent making skills are. This will kill any good feelings an Asian girl will have for you in a quick, efficient death. He also told me how his ex-girlfriend was Asian and how he held her hand in an Asian supermarket just to give old, innocent Asian people heart attacks over the "white man" and "one of our own." 

I think we could make great drinking buddies. But dating? Nah. 

My self advice: Consider that he might have been nervous to meet me, or that he was trying to sell himself in a short period of time. He might not be like that all the time. 

Seems strange to most, but sex has never really been a huge aspect of our lives. It never seemed like much of a "problem" until we graduated college. Our reaction being, "Uh, were we supposed to be doing that?!". 

Weird. Trust me, we've heard. 

So this is our way to change all that. Not so much about sex, okay, kind of about sex. But, we realized that we never even had a long term relationship. Actually... we have never been on a date!

Now you must think we're horribly deformed or we're one of those really odd kids sitting alone in the cafeteria that probably smells. Strangely enough we're not. We're both super social, have lots of friends and have no problems striking up a conversation. What we have realized however, we never made it a priority and quite honestly, it's starting to affect us. We finally realize that we want to find that special someone. Hell, we just want to know what it's like to have a boyfriend.

This is where the 50 first dates challenge comes in. We're going to throw ourselves in the ring aka hello,online dating! We're also going to take a step further and try to blog about the many random dating excursions we will partake in as first time daters.

Oh wait, we mentioned we were virgins right? Yeah.. apparently this adds a complex, yet hilarious element on our journey to relationships and sex.

Stay tuned and leave us a comment.