#just think

"tell me why we're watchin' barbie again?"

"because i think she's pretty gorg."

as you laughed at your own inside joke, simon looked at you like you were mental. he was peaceful while laying on your chest, his weight feeling like heavy blanket for you. but you got bored of the silence, and playing with his hair, so you opened barbie's dreamhouse.

you remembered how you use to hate her. i mean, who'd hate a girl who's such a diva? she's the kindest!! such a girls girl. you cannot help but think simon healed you in a way that you started liking barbie again, and pink.

"in a room full of girls—"

"nuh-uh."

his answer was too quick and firm that it made you giggle. "good answer." you hummed, continuing your lazy caresses on his scalp. he melted quickly, cheek pressing further on your chest, as he nearly drooled there. simon had an habit of drooling when he was too relaxed. and it was usually with you.

you laughed at the jokes—because holy shit, barbie is a funny show—and simon enjoyed the vibration of your chest under his cheek. he heard your laugh muffled since his ear was pressed against your skin, but he liked to hear what your laugh sounded like in your body, too.

"would you like a doll, doll?" simon murmured, smirking slightly like that was funny.

"a barbie doll? mhm. i'd love that." you smiled, ignoring his poor attempt to be funny as you, or barbie. then you imagined a simon stood so tall in the toys shop, in his gear and skull mask; and a small girl beside him with the prettiest dress, both of them trying to pick a barbie with an intense glare. the thought made you giggle.

"the hell you laughin' 'bout again?" he murmured, his large palm caressing your side under the shirt you're wearing.

"nothing. just make sure you pick the prettiest." you said, giggling at your inside joke again. he gave you a side eye, probably booking a therapist in his mind, before shaking his head and smiling against your neck.

"mhm. copy that."

But what about a Connor that struggles to not act like a manipulative cunt even in deviancy? Where he can't help but analyze every microexpression, the details hidden in someone's appearance, the weaknesses in their character, and use it all to his advantage. Who will switch from considerate and friendly to intimidating and terrifying on the drop of a dime, scaring those close to him, because if he can do a full 180 effortlessly, what's to say the way he behaves towards them isn't an act too?

A Connor who, while governed by compassion and goodwill for his people, still struggles on a personal level because he can't help but read and play on the emotions of those around him to a frightening degree. Who constantly sees the clear ruthless line from point A to B and has to reign in the impulse to act on it. Who has to deal with this compounding guilt, because even if he has good intentions, why do all his actions feel so calculated and exploitative?