D1

Hemingway had such a way with words...

person who genuinely hates themselves so much they can barely look anyone in the eye: i must remain humble lest my hideous ego spiral out of control

having anti role models is a beautiful thing. it's not easy to live up to someone else's behavior but it is easy to lasso yourself into behaving right when you realize you're reminding yourself of the worst person youve ever met in your entire life

My son gave me a card that said, "You are the best mom ever" so I asked him if he collected empirical evidence to back up that claim. He admitted to doing no research at all; therefore it's purely anecdotal and cannot be trusted. I have hung this sentimental atrocity on my office wall.

i don’t understand what this post is saying, why would i be leaving the theatre with uneaten turkeys. where did i get them from. what the fuck was i talking about.

You don't understand your own post?

i don’t understand anything

you dont have to be a parent to understand the horror of walking into a room to discover that the baby crawled out of his crib and onto that pottery wheel you forgot to turn off, and while the baby is spinning around and around, the dog is sitting there all calm, like a person, gently using his paws to fashion the babys soft cartilage head into something a little more modern.  it might be the classic tale of bad parenting, but lets see where the dog is going with this

This post is from 2013. It has less than 100 notes. Together we can revive this work of art that tragically ahead of its time. We’re ready for it now

pet play but its with insects

oh yeah baby youre my sexy little deer fly

Whatever. Cum my scarab.

drifted off briefly and had a dream which mentioned the concept of 'killing someone ascyter' in which 'ascyter' was an adjective meaning 'in concord with the landscape' hmmm