Worse Than Reckless

Vin was pretty shocked, the high and the shock making it hard to even respond. “What? Anthony…I..you’re not gonna do that..” He shook his head, stepping towards his older brother. “Mom just got Anna Marie back you are not going to take Gabe away from her. He’s our brother we don’t hurt family. ”

“Yes, Vincent, I am going to do it - and you’re either going to help me or sit back and keep your goddamn mouth shut. If you tell mom…” He stopped, growled, he didn’t even want to finish that thought. “I don’t care that she just got Anna Marie back. Gabriel is a fuck up and he’s going to ruin this family. He may be our brother, but him being gone will benefit us all. He’s lost it, Vin, and he’s causing problems.”

“Why? Skydiving is just as easy of a way to die.” He said flatly, “I don’t want safer. I’m not an adrenalin junkie. I’m just a junkie. I wanna go numb not feel how awful everything is.” He didn’t want a rush, not really, he wanted to just forget, to not feel anything at all. “Yeah I want them to care…that’s why I used to crash my car. Get their attention. They always paid more attention to Gabe than me..” he sighed softly, shutting his eyes again. They were watering and he didn’t want to start crying. “Now I think I do it because I just don’t know what else to do. Now I just need the relief…”

“Stop it..and get off me.” Vincent said quietly, blinking hard to ty to get his vision to stop being so blurry. “What do you want?” He asked a little sharply, not really in the mood for CJ to be so close and so nosey.

“Yeah she’ll be alright to not see me…she’s got Francesca and Anthony’s boys to worry about this week.” That’s really why he didn’t want to be there, so he could shoot up in peace without worrying about his nephews seeing him. “Tomatoe sour sounds lovely Ro.”

“Alright.” Rowan nodded. She knew the kids could be a handful, or at least,  she could only imagine. She bought the tomatoes, putting them into her reusable plastic bag before looking over at Vincent. She could see how he was looking rough, even more apparent because it’d been a while since she saw him. Of course she would bring it up later, and he most likely knew that. She caressed his arm softly before continuing the walk, looking at what everyone was selling. “Thanks for taking time out of your business schedule to make time for me…”

“I know.” Vincent said again, a little more sharp this time. “I just…i don’t know what else to do. I can’t speed around anymore can’t crash my car, can’t race the way I used to. I can’t get that rush anymore. I had to find something to replace it…” he shrugged a little. “Everyone’s only saying it cause they care.”

“Well you need to find a rush elsewhere. Fuck, try skydiving or something. There so many other things that are safer.” Jesse shrugged. He didn’t understand but was trying his best at least to talk about it out in the open. He could only imagine how many just shamed Vincent instead of trying to talk about it, and he didn’t want to be that person. “well, that’s good. They care. Isn’t that what you want?”

Vincent nodded and gave himself a minute to relax before getting up and grabbing his stuff off the counter. “Okay cmon..” he mumbled, heading out of the bathroom and up to his room, letting chris follow along, hopefully to catch him if he ended up falling on the way.

Vincent that’s seeing Anthony like that, he was too much like their dad and it made him scared, made him scared and worried and nervous. Nervous Anthony would do more than just sound like his father. “Anth I’m sorry…I will I promise.” He said shakily, trying to stand up and compose himself but with the panic and the drugs it was hand to keep himself steady, and he had to grab onto the counter again to keep from falling into his brother.

Vincent had found himself with Rowan just wandering around the farmers market, keeping the young woman company as he didn’t have much to do anyways, and everyone else was mad at hm for one reason or another. “Dinner? I guess…I never go to family dinner anyways so they won’t miss me.”

Rowan shrugged her shoulders. “Are you sure?” She asked softly. “Last thing I need is Momma DeLuca angry because I took her baby from her for a night.” she put down the vegetable, looking for something else. She eyed tomatoes, picking some up once more. She felt used, and maybe she deserved that for her own job - services. She thought maybe she meant more to the family than that like a friend but that was proven difficult. It’d been so long since she even saw Vincent. “Let’s make some tomato soup - I have fresh bread.”

“I know…I know is all pointless. I’m not looking for a solution just…something to help. Something to make it hurt a little less. I know it won’t ever fix anything.” He sighed a little and leaned against Jesse again. “You don’t have to shut up…”

Vincent got quiet, sighing a little, “Sorry I didn’t mean to get so intense…i just..drugs are my therapy you know? They’re what makes me feel better when I feel so awful.” He sighed again, “I’m in a lot of pain physically..all the time. And emotionally too…and the drugs help numb that pain. Make me forever how awful everything is.”

Vincent got quiet, sighing a little, “Sorry I didn’t mean to get so intense…i just..drugs are my therapy you know? They’re what makes me feel better when I feel so awful.” He sighed again, “I’m in a lot of pain physically..all the time. And emotionally too…and the drugs help numb that pain. Make me forever how awful everything is.”

Vincent got quiet, sighing a little, “Sorry I didn’t mean to get so intense…i just..drugs are my therapy you know? They’re what makes me feel better when I feel so awful.” He sighed again, “I’m in a lot of pain physically..all the time. And emotionally too…and the drugs help numb that pain. Make me forever how awful everything is.”