Video Sick

‘Deathgasm’ is alright, but I couldn’t help but shake the feeling that I’d seen every joke they attempted executed better in another movie.

While the influence of ‘Braindead’ and 'The Evil Dead’ reeks throughout the movie, the script, monster designs and death scenes are exactly the kind of thing you could piece together using bits and pieces of notebook scribble from angsty high school metalheads.

I guess that’s it, I enjoyed it, but it still doesn’t change the fact that metal is corny as Hell and that they went for the low hanging fruit every time when it came to the humour.

I was hesitant after the string of bad luck I’ve had with Anime/Manga film adaptations; Luckily, I felt my fears melt away quickly as the film starts with its greatest strength; it’s tremendous sense of style.

The stylish costumes stand out against some of the most beautiful backdrops the film produces. And when you’re in a scene surrounded by flowers and what looks like Wayne Manor behind you, to still notice the different pieces that make up your ensemble takes remarkable talent.

A problem some adaptations have is while they’re trying to fit the overarching storyline that originally took 24 or so episodes to tell into two hours, some things get lost along the way and it sometimes feels like you’re missing out on parts of the story.

‘Black Butler’ feels like a very complete mystery that plays out through the film’s duration. Honestly, it could be a standalone movie in and of itself. Sure, there are some characters I imagine got short shrift, but they don’t seem to need a bigger part in the story the film is telling. So, you’re not really missing a whole lot.

I’ll be honest, I had a hard time picking out anything I disliked as I watched the movie. The acting was good and while I don’t know much about the characters I’d have to imagine Hiro Mizushima who played Sebastian nailed his part. He was as powerful as he was smug and kind of reminded me of Tomoe from 'Kamisama Kiss’.

The action was well choreographed, the movie was expertly paced and the music added so much extra to the scenes without making itself obnoxiously obvious.

The little twists throughout the film keep you entertained, even though my wife guessed most of them correctly before they happened.

‘Devilman’ is the film adaptation of Go Nagai’s classic manga of the same name, but if the movie is any indication of how the manga is, I can’t imagine it took long before its readership stormed the publisher demanding for something a little more interesting.

I really hate railing against a movie, but when I’d rather do anything else but watch you while you’re right in front of me and have my full attention, I can’t help but blame you for my boredom.

Like a lot of Japanese films I’ve been watching lately, 'Devilman’ fills the first 10 minutes with story and attempts to build a character narrative, while leaving nothing of interest to play out for the majority of the film’s duration and then finally around last 20 or so minutes tries to pass off an okay ending as if it’s apologising for its middling midsection. I had the same experience with 'Kyofu’, 'Tokyo Zombie’ and 'Infection’.

The CGI is dated and more than once my wife mentioned how it looked like an older Tekken game. The dialogue doesn’t do a whole lot to keep you drawn in and while the acting was okay by the rest of the cast, the two actors in the main rolls couldn’t have had less chemistry with each other.

Now, I really dug monster designs, make-up and prosthetics and I believe they are brightest part of the movie, I just wish there were more of it. They even able to make Bob Sapp look human, sorta.

I had all but given up on writing my feelings on films as it felt like I was saying the same thing over and over again without any sort of progression, but I really need to properly put down my thoughts on ‘The Babadook’.

Before I get into it, I understand that my thoughts on the movie stem from my expectations going in. So, I’m sure this will be less about the movie in and of itself and more about the reaction the movie has brought out in people and the responsibilities those who write about movies should take into consideration before they feel the need to hyperbolise their feelings in hopes that it legitimises their hobbies. (This is mostly directed at horror movie fans)

Time and time again people who write, whether it be reviews or criticisms or any of the above, there’s a sense of hyperbole. Even to a ridiculous point in hopes that it legitimises their interests to… The mainstream audience? Other academics? Those who look down on video games, horror movies or anime because they’re seen as “low brow” or “childish”? The last time I saw this was when ‘The Last if Us’ came out and people started saying it was “The Citizen Kane of video games”. My personal opinion on the game aside. Who would say that with a straight face if they weren’t trying to legitimise their hobbies? 'Citizen Kane’ was a triumph in film and by this time 'The Last of Us’ is basically forgotten due to gamers and their tendencies of only caring for the new or nostalgic, anything in between is left by the wayside.

Enough about video games.

'The Babdook’ falls into the same point I was trying to make about 'The Last of Us’. Before seeing the film I’d read more than a few times how the analogy for schizophrenia and mental illness were strong and because if this it elevated the horror genre into some sort of academic realm due to these depictions.

What I got was a film with the same analogous depth of 'The Evil Dead’ and 'Beetlejuice’ when it comes to mental health issues. While I love both those movies, their depth is that of a kiddy pool.

Now, I can see where these people are coming from… I mean, if they want to downplay what people with schizophrenia and other mental health issues live with, then sure, I get it. Then again, if I’m being honest, reading how people are more than willing to throw around these descriptions and accolades to a movie that only skims the surface of the true horrors of these illnesses… It disgusts me.

Again, this is not a knock on the film. The film was okay at best. I just think people should be more careful when they’re trying to elevate their hobbies for their own selfish reasons.

Having never played a single Phoenix Wright game I’m not going to be able to pick up on the minutia and in jokes from the series, but I can say that if Ace Attorney is a good representation of the Capcom series, I will need to grab a copy of a game as soon as possible.

While the shell of Ace Attorney may turn some people off due to it being a film based on a videogame with over the top characters, I’d imagine there are also plenty of people turned away by the overly simplistic premise of “Who killed Phoenix’s mentor”, but what may surprise you is when you come to find an intricate courtroom drama with masterful narrative skills and twists & turns that would give M. Night Shyamalan a nose bleed.

In the director’s chair is Takashi Miike. And while my mind associates him with overly violent and sadistic films, seeing his adaptations of Ace Attorney and Yatterman show that Miike isn’t going to be pigeonholed into a certain style of film making. Which is great, his lighter movies are extremely enjoyable.

Alongside the colourful characters that populate the world of Ace Attorney, the hair and makeup, costuming and use of CGI, makes this film a feast for the eyes.

Monster Brawl takes an amazing premise and turns it into one of the most disappointing films I’ve seen in some time. And while I try to look on the bright side when it comes to lower budget films, I can’t help but feel that even with me turning a blind eye to some aspects, it won’t change the fact that Monster Brawl is a boring movie.

From the opening of the film, Monster Brawl shows no interest in giving an energetic performance. As it weakly goes through the motions between showing how the monsters came together for the titular competition along with scenes of Dave Foley delivering his lines in such a depressive tone, you may find yourself wondering in which scene does Dave attempt to find a quick and quiet way to shed his corporeal form.

There were other parts to the story, but you will quickly find that none of it matters; which is a real shame to say.

I’ll keep this short as I don’t have anything positive to say about Monster Brawl and people who tend to rally on and on about how bad a movie is are the worst.

It's rare for a movie to go from being a gross collection of clichés born from the ass end of the '90's to a very entertaining twist on the genre. It's even rarer to pinpoint the exact moment the change happens. With All Cheerleaders Die these both apply.

The first half hour of All Cheerleaders Die ranks as one of the most boorish film experiences I've ever been apart of. So, you can imagine that as the movie progressed, I wasn't holding out much hope for it to deliver any redeemable qualities.

All Cheerleaders Die crawls from the muck of 90's teen horror films with every trope imaginable bagged up and slung over its shoulder looking to either entertain you, or to capture another victim in its web of despair to torture for the films run-time. And while the first thirty minutes is a trial in the latter, it's the former that will keep you watching on.

Some may be mistaken and think they're getting a typical throwback horror movie, but what you're actually getting is a fairly humorous black comedy with some ridiculous supernatural elements thrown in. And if that doesn't sound like your cup of tea and you just want to see teens being slaughtered for whatever reasons the writer gins up, well, you get that as well!

As the final credits roll you may be struck with the feeling of incredulity when you realise that this has only been part one. Don't worry, this feeling is normal... Especially when you realise there's a good possibility that there will never be a sequel. Since, well... I'm pretty sure this movie didn't make enough money to warrant a second film. Which is a shame.

One of the best things about All Cheerleaders Die is watching how exceptionally unlikable every character is in the film, but still being able to care for the main group towards the end. Especially when it was only 40 minutes before when I was hoping for someone to nuke the high school and surrounding areas.

The DVD copy of Welcome to the Jungle is proof enough that nobody really cared for the movie once it was released. No, not the audience, the people releasing it.  As once the film goes directly to the menu, you're greeted by a single screen with 'Play' on it. That's right, No special features, no setup, and most astonishingly, no scene select.

I'd be fine if the poor DVD presentation was the only disappointment to come from Welcome to the Jungle... Wait, before I go any further, I just want to point out that the movie title is horrendous, it makes me wince every time I hear it. Which is a shame since the movie is pretty good in its own right

Like a lot of people, the first thing you notice is Jean-Claude Van Damme's leathery, withered mug smack bang on the cover. And while that might gather attention for the film, it's a shame that the focus isn't more on the main cast. Yes, JCVD is part of the supporting cast... Yet, he's the face of the movie. Go figure.

Luckily, you have Rob Huebel, Kristen Schaal and Adam Brody in the film to steer it from circling the drain of oblivion. It's nice that while the film has problems, there are some very bright spots in it. A good amount of scenes and one liners in Welcome to the Jungle should have you laughing enough to distract you from the disappointment you may feel once you realise the missed potential spewing forth during the film's length.

While the main characters and most of the support do a very good job, the glaring problem is JCVD attempting to lampoon his "bad-ass" image. You remember, the one he had in the late 80's and early 90's. The problem is that JCVD doesn't lean hard enough into the ridiculous parody that character should have been. Not saying it should have been a wacky Saturday morning character. Just saying if he were a little more amped up while oozing an eye rolling bravado, I feel like that would have set up the jokes better.

We've all been conditioned by major movie corporations to expect a film to ramp up in a certain sort of way. It's done slowly, incrementally and the ramps are placed methodically throughout certain sections of a film for maximum impact. Unlike Dead Sushi, where the ramping up tended to resemble the flurry of Kenshiro's hundred crack fist for an hour and a half.

  Dead Sushi decides to say "Nah, it's okay if the audiences succumbs to whiplash or suffers from a busted nose due to constant raising of the bar in rapid succession" and you know what? It worked. Sure, I may have been completely spent from all of the eye rolling, shaking of my head, and saying "Did that really just happen?" so many times as to where the sound of my own voice became monotonous, but I also laughed harder, was surprised and generally enjoyed myself more than I was ever expecting to.

  I've written about some of Noboru Iguchi's films here before and while enjoyable, I feel that Dead Sushi is in a league above the rest. Most things about it shouldn't surprise you, such as the tasteless juvenility of Iguchi's sense of humour, the poor CGI, the (still infuriating) usage of bad CG blood and the typically ADD nature of the film's progression. Like I said, things that you've come to expect.

  Now, I still can't put my finger on what appealed to me so much more than the others... The props were great, the dialogue was bad and the story was used as a stepping stone to craziness. So, not a whole lot out of the ordinary for an Iguchi film.

A person can only like a film series so much before the dregs hiding in the back rear their ugly head. And unfortunately, Godzilla: Final Wars has a real nasty mug.

Godzilla: Final Wars is a god awful mess of a movie that took so much energy from me to get through, that it could propel a bullet through my frontal lobe using nothing more than the flick of a wrist. Luckily, we’re not cleaning up head spaghetti off of the walls and I was able to make it to the end without doing anything drastic.

I know there are a lot of apologists out there who will defend anything from a series they love, because they’re not healthy people. So, let’s not kid ourselves and say that every film in the Godzilla franchise is flawless with most being bonafide Oscar contenders and certified five star romps. Now, with that said, here’s what I liked and disliked.

If you’ve read this blog even once (Ah’thank you) you probably know that I dig practical effects, no matter how much the Kaiju look like NECA Figures. So, it’s safe to say I was let down by how much Godzilla: Final Wars leaned on CGI to get them through the film. It wouldn’t normally bug me so much, but with the CGI being a low detailed mess it’s hard to not turn your nose up at it. I will point out that the costumes and props looked fantastic and made it easier to stomach the CGI.

The dialogue (even at the best of times is bad) is atrociously paced, leaving many scenes to be nothing more than an anchor for another uninteresting exposition dump.  All the while hand waving away parts of the film in a really poor and obvious manner. To the point where I’m undeniably sure the filmmakers stopped caring about the continuity, story and character build up during the making of the film in hopes people wouldn’t notice and instead focus on the dismal action.

“Dismal action” isn’t exactly fair, but when it never feels like there are stakes on the line during any point of the movie, the supremely choreographed fight scenes feel all for naught.  

I passed on The Grey for a long time. What I thought I was passing on was Taken in the snow. What I actually passed on was one of the most legitimately gritty, brutal and grim survival films I’ve ever seen.

If you have seen any of the advertising for The Grey you will understand what I meant when I said “Taken in the snow”. The commercials are two minutes of Liam Neeson kicking arse while the camera moves around frantically and then edited to look like an “exciting thrill ride”. You know, what every action movie trailer has become. This is a gross understatement of what an emotionally visceral survival tale The Grey ends up being.

Maybe I’m looking too deeply into what I originally conceived as a throwaway movie, but many of the scenes are tough to watch. Not to mention, the way Neeson delivers his lines can be downright frightening for a couple of reasons. The first is that incredible acting ability of Neeson’s makes me wonder why movie studios aren’t scooping him up to play more dramatic rolls instead of letting his skills go to waste in generic action movies. The other reason is how calmly he… I’d love to spoil the part for you, but I wouldn’t do the intensity displayed in the scene any justice.

The first thing you will notice with Persepolis is its striking visuals. The use of black, white and grey scale gives an emotional resonance to the characters and situation that I can’t be sure would have the same affect if it were in colour.

With the setting as grim as it is, it’s very interesting to see Persepolis’ ideas through the eyes and mind of a child. There are times where Marjane seems to have a grasp on what’s going on, but when the complexity and maturity of the situation slams her back down to Earth, you realise that she is still just a child.

I found it interesting how Persepolis’ beautiful animation could sweep away the complexity of Persepolis and what it revolves around. So, it’s easy to slip away from the reality portrayed in front of you, to the fantasy invoked by film. Only one other film has had this effect on me and that was Grave of the Fireflies. Trust me, it’s a sudden and shocking jolt when you realise that this is what some people had to live with.

The sense of humour scattered throughout Persepolis was handled masterfully. Like the way they showed Marjane growing up and her predilection for Punk and Metal early on; to name a couple. Having scenes like those with the brutal and disgusting backdrop she was living in behind the humour felt jarring, but it’s represented through Marjane’s view so well, it’s hard not to chuckle at a few of the interactions she has with people.

I understand there are much deeper themes in Persepolis, but I’d be a fool to try and tackle them. I just don’t have the ability to understand what Marjane fully went through and I’m not even going to pretend I can.

I was ready for this new ‘Godzilla’ film right from the start! Then having missed it at the cinemas and hearing a generally negative opinion on the film partly lessened my interest. I’m not annoyed at those who’ve talked it down, I’m annoyed at myself for giving these opinions any credence (As reliable as they usually are), because the enjoyment I felt while watching ‘Godzilla’ is near unrivalled for the best time I’ve ever had watching a movie.

If you have seen the film, you’re probably familiar with the criticisms waged against ‘Godzilla’. Hell, you might just be one of those poor souls spewing your painfully wrong opinions on internet message boards. And it all culminates from how sore you are, because you watched the film wrong, obviously.

Well, let me help you out.

1)      “Why name the film ‘Godzilla’ when Godzilla is in it for exactly .1 of a femtosecond!?”

Did you nod off during the film? Godzilla was in it for a sizable chunk. Also, there are these things called Pacing, Build Up and finally the Payoff. That means, if you have Godzilla kicking arse and wrecking the shop too early it ruins the payoff (See: Pacific Rim).

2)      “The actors were terrible!”

The actors did a good job; I’m not entirely sure what kind of Shakespearian nonsense you were expecting.

3)      “Bait & Switch! ‘Godzilla’ was shown as an antagonist in the trailer”

Where!? Just because the ‘Godzilla’ trailer didn’t fall into the modern trappings of spelling everything out for you as it ruins all of the best parts; did you think that maybe they wanted to keep the MUTO a secret?

4)      “It was too dark (thematically) for a ‘Godzilla’ film!”

You do know that the original ‘Gojira’ ’54 came from the bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki? Not sure you can get any darker than a story that came from the events where tens of thousands of people died!

5)      “The ’98 ‘Godzilla’ was better!”

Go home, you’re drunk.

There we have it, the top 5 complaints debunked for you. Now, go watch it again correctly.

Well, with that out of the way, I will tell you what I enjoyed about ‘Godzilla’.

The sound design and score is something to be reckoned with. While building the tension and adding to the bombastically destructive scenes, the score is one of the best set to an action movie, that doesn’t come with a catchy theme to hum or a memorable tune (Not including the original ‘Gojira’ ’54 theme). The sounds emanating from the monsters coupled with the screeching of twisting metal and broken concrete work so well in concert that it doesn’t drown out what’s happening on the screen, yet makes itself well known throughout the entire film.

A heart wrenching start to the film is not what I was expecting, but with that said, is something I’m thankful for, as it shows the motives of certain characters right there in front of you. And with Bryan Cranston’s masterful acting, pulls off what could have been trite and fuel for the cynical.

The fight scenes between the MUTO and the King of the Monsters Godzilla was expertly choreographed and animated for the most impact, which left me smiling ear to ear as I watch the colossal beasts beat the bejesus out of each other.

‘Godzilla’ is a film that I’m sure I’ll watch time and time again and stands second only to the original ’54 Gojira in my eyes.

It pleases me to know exactly how I feel about a film as soon as it ends. That’s not to say I don’t also enjoy the ambiguity that comes from open ended movies, or from those films that make you question exactly what it is you’ve just been witness to. I just like cut and dry movies because it makes it easier for me to write about them.

With that said Bride of Frankenstein was dumb. And not in the wonderfully dumb Godzilla way, I’m talking unnecessarily dumb.  With the original Frankenstein a classic to behold, Bride of Frankenstein is more akin to what people decry nowadays as a “pointless sequel” rather than something that should be looked back on with reverence.

I understand that they wanted to show the evolution of Frankenstein’s Monster as a beast that responds and learns as well as cares, but with the way a lot of old Hollywood movies were made, subtlety and grace weren’t usually present and instead would favour the hammy side of acting that would also accompany a rushed story. This will usually explain why a movie will suddenly finish without a proper wrap up and tend to be abrasively to the point.  Now, while I might sound dismissive of this type of filmmaking. I know that the style works, it just doesn’t work every time.

I don’t enjoy being negative about a film, or almost anything for that matter, because you can see the energy and work that went into the final product as you’re watching. Plus, I’m just some boob on the internet who writes poorly about movies he’s watched on a blog that no one reads. Who am I to judge?

There aren’t many positives to focus on, but I can say with a shadow of doubt that the makeup for the Beast and Mrs. Beast were marvellous.

What saves Bride of Frankenstein from being a complete waste of time and a disappointing finale to the Universal Monsters Blu-ray box set is the ending. Yes, the last 5-10 minutes of this movie did more to enthral me than the hour leading up to it. I really liked the ending.

I’d wondered if it was possible for me to ever get sick of Nicolas Cage. And Drive Angry just confirms that it will be a cold day in Hell before that happens.

I’ve seen Drive Angry around a lot during my search for movies to buy. Seriously, it was in nearly every discount bin I looked in. You may wonder why it took me so long to get around to watching it and that’s because I stupidly thought the movie was a cheap Drive knockoff. Yeah, I feel pretty silly.

My reasoning on that is because I have this problem. I can look at the cover over a thousand times without batting an eye, but I can’t stand to read the blurb on the back. You can probably imagine how many times I’ve watched a movie without any idea on what it’s about. Sometimes it’s a good thing and sometimes… yeah.

It’s not just me who’s annoyed with this little illogical misstep. My wife sits down to a movie she knows nothing about and asks me “What’s the film about?” and I usually answer “I have no idea, but the cover…” and then I go on to mention the actor, or director, or whatever has lead me to the film.

Even with my love of Nicolas Cage, I begrudgingly bought Drive Angry to fill out the 3 for $20 deal I seem to get sucked into every week. So, when we get home and down to business about what we are going to watch, my level headed wife asks if I want her to read the back cover aloud to me, I say yes and before she’s finished, my eyes widened with gleeful anticipation as if I was on my way to cracking the cure for cancer.

After going through my notes, I’ve noticed that the best parts of Drive Angry make up the entire reason to watch the film and to talk about them would completely ruin the experience. And while I would love to spoil the movie for you, I won’t. I will say that if the Academy were to make a top 10 list of ridiculous Nicolas Cage scenes, 3 of them from Drive Angry would appear near the top.

Something which surprised me the most about Drive Angry was how stoic Nicolas Cage was, which I feel fits the character more than the babbling nut-ball Cage (Bad Lieutenant: Port of Call, Ghost Rider 1 & 2, Face/Off) that we’ve seen many times before. It was also nice to see a female in a near lead role that was willing to kick some ass… I can’t remember the actresses’ name, but she was a great addition.

I like William Fichtner (Not enough to watch the new TMNT movie) and his character that had no idea how to act like a human for the first half of the film and whose social skills would rival that of an Aspie on a bad day almost steals the film, if he appeared a little more, he just might have.

I will admit that I thought Drive Angry was done on the cheap since the CGI was pretty SyFy looking, but hearing that it had a fifty million dollar budget leaves me stumped… what did they spend the money on? Did the cars really cost that much?

With that said, it fulfilled my expectations I had from hearing about a Nicolas Cage movie revolving around Satanic Cultists.