the broken, beaten and damned

first thing i've written in a while, and it's a ficlet about shane hollander's specific obsession with hockey stick-shaped birthday cakes...

shane hollander is nobody's bitch, but ilya rozanov's heart beats to the sound of *(badump) wife (badump) guy* and respectfully there's no chance in hell he's picking some pink screaming lump of clay over HIS SHANE

really i think a secret baby au would look more like ilya being pissed at secret baby for keeping THE SHANE HOLLANDER from him??? how could it do that. did it not even consider that shane's freckles deserve to be seen everywhere. and it has the audacity to not have endless voids of brown for eyes and freckles all over its face too. what a waste

and the only argument shane and ilya would ever have over it would be "ilya i kept this baby from you and i'm very sorry" and ilya going "my shane. how could you hide yourself away and do this alone. why would you do this alone, shane. i would've helped. i would've wanted to be there for you. why would you isolate yourself, my love" and grieving the fact that the love of his life didn't know that he could've had the whole world brought to his feet by ilya rozanov, much like a cat bringing a dead rat to its owner (accept it. i know you struggle, i know you suffer, i know you suck at things. i can be good at the things you suck at, my love. you own me. i owe you.)

while shane tries to deny and deflect and ilya finally shuts him up by kissing him all over his face and hands