you wanted to love me always

you hurt me and girl

i told you all about it.

details.

facts.

your own actions.

just my words.

you.

then u felt threatened

then im all wrong

everything is wrong with me now

then ur challenging me

i surrendered every time

unwillingly

unknowingly

to a master narcissist

you are so fucking sick

genuinely

truly

and painfully sick

you were SO good at killing me

you nearly had every single one of your wrong doings backed up

by blaming my family

they did it to me

not you.

oh baby, never you.

you wanted me to hate them

they always hated you

they always hated you

you knew it.

i didn’t know

where was i

you stole me

you knew it.

you wanted me away

so you could kill me faster

thank god it was slow

thank god im still alive

thank god im not crazy….

thank god i dont feel like

i HAVE TO SEE YOU

thank GOD I DONT FEEL LIKE I HAVE TO SEE YOU

anymore

thank god you are out of my life

i hope i can enter my own again

and soon, i hope

it’s crazy to feel like they are competing with you

it’s crazy to feel like you are shooting cannons at a wall desperately trying to get past whatever is stopping them from loving you

it’s crazy to see their pain

it’s crazy to know exactly why they built that wall

it’s crazy to feel it

it’s crazy to know exactly where they have been

it’s crazy to know it’s a natural defense

it’s crazy we are all surviving

it’s crazy how i’m surviving and it feels the only way that i will survive is if i keep saving somebody who doesn’t want to survive

it’s crazy that people just exist

it’s crazy to feel like i’m the problem i never started

it’s crazy to know nothing could ever make me feel as shallow as somebody who only is surviving for themselves