blessing

Send “5 Times the Love” and I will write a drabble about the five times my muse fell in love with your muse

Getting to know Sulis isn’t awkward or rushed, theaffinity towards the new addition to the team is welcomed immediately — somemore than others, Meiko admits. Shin’s sister, Harumi, eyes the robot withcalculated gaze and elegance as an empress in her court but she rushes quicklyto Sulis’ side, enthusiasm sprinting on her steps and a swift apology to theKirijo’s daughter. Chatter comes out easy, easier than it’s been with others,Suzu included.

Before she knows, her hands are squeezing Sulis, ahappy smile spreading on her face.

She doesn’t know what’s love but this emotion feelslike it.

Questions of daily life, what does that mean andformalities are what they talk about.

Meiko doesn’t mind, had she not known better, she’dclaim nostalgia hits her when Sulis’ eagerness at discovering the world is encouraged.Years and years of reading and watching silently to other’s explanations allowher to tell Sulis all she knows, it isn’t much but the polite thanks from therobot fills her with joy and a very obvious grin when Sulis smiles. It’s a practicedone but Meiko feels like one day a true, born from inside smile will get out ofthe robot.

For now, answering anything that Sulis asks or iscurious about is more than she can wish for. Not wishing to know what’s goingon isn’t exactly what others that don’t have a wish to live do. And Meiko feelsdespite Sulis’ claims about being not human, life is touching her and expandingher way of seeing everything.

She loves Sulis enough to listen.

Contrary to popular belief, Meiko isn’t oblivious butbeing odd on her own leads to rumors around the school and she has grown usedat being stared for her ‘exotic’ appearance and weird, shameless aura. Theorphan status has become numb after years of apologies from strangers andteachers that ask if she needs anything to discuss of, she suspects that whilesome have good intentions, those are useless.

And it’s unsurprising the ones who speak behind herback move to the new student. Girls that spat obscenities and snorts over Sulis’strange mannerisms didn’t have any right to talk that way about, they didn’tknow how hard she tries to know about the world. Sulis wasn’t made of flesh andbone but no one in the team considered her anything less.

For anyone to treat her that way — Meiko simply smilesand stares at one of the girls, the inches of her grin turning up into acreepiness not meant to be shared. She doesn’t like scaring people away butthey said her smile — the one faked, on almost daily basis — is ominous andthey have talked wrongly about Sulis from the day she transferred. It doesn’ttake long to make them nervous and leaving with shaky shoulders.

Poking her cheeks from the exercise, she waits for themuscles of her face to stop hurting. But when Sulis calls her name, she turnsaround and an eased smile settles. It’s so easy to smile truthfully around therobot, so, so easy. Picking up her bag, grey eyes soften before grabbing herarm to go out and enjoy the afternoon.

She loves Sulis enough to support her.

The air is still and the grass is moped, humiditycaressing the atmosphere into mops of sadness and questions. Swallowing deepbreaths, Meiko looks at her bandaged arm and feels a need to laugh at the ironyof how human her body is. For a creature made of thoughts, it’s reassuring howwhat’s left of her faked humanity clings to her skin, keeping a pretense ofbeing a human girl a while longer. Uncle Junpei and Suzu try so hard to helpher with the chores as she’s unable to perform them with one useful arm but she’sworried for Suzume too.

No one came out of the incident without scars,physically and emotional.

And she doesn’t have to smile to fit in the crowd, notwhen everyone is feeling torn apart and her mask slips, allowing vulnerabilityslip into her body. It’s been many years since she put a happy, carefree façadeand to show her blunt, quiet side must surprise others. Days of freedom and joywith the girls seem so far away and it’s easier now to reject uncle Junpei’sinvitations to talk about how she feels — she only stares calmly and if it hadbeen a doubt of being her father’s daughter before, there isn’t one. Not anylonger.

Mimi’s conversations when they’re alone are worriedwhispers but one-sided ones. She’s learning again the need to be truthful toherself and not speak, especially not forced. Attentive, she makes only bodylanguages responses or one word responses, thoughtful. Supporting one of herclosest friends in those times isn’t easy, not when everything seems to havesnapped. She doesn’t have to ask for Mimi to allow her to visit Sulis at thelab but she asks for courtesy.

It isn’t a surprise to be rejected by the robot, herplea of not letting her inside the chamber she’s in. But one glimpse is enoughto make Meiko’s suspicions true. Her best friend is too still, too quiet andshaking and in a second, she sees pieces of herself into Sulis and everythingclicks. Tears start flowing from her eyes and she’s to choke back a sob,murmuring an apology to Mimi because she gets the feeling of understandingpushing everyone aside and be left alone.

She loves Sulis enough to understand.

Sulis’ eyes vibrate with emotions, too real and too vividto be faked.

It’s what she had hoped for after learning,discovering how the program works for the robot, she had wished for it, to notlet Sulis be clouded by her self-pity and self-inflicted punishment after theincident. But when those eyes look at her, the despair and grief shining andpouring out, it feels like a victory and a loss.

Is this what heartbreak feels?

How should she know when every single emotion she has felt is not hers?

She smiles gently, eyes soft and internally, a cry isheard like a beast trying to rip her apart. The monstrous, inhuman side ofherself wishes to wreck those circuits and laugh, laugh until her lungs aren’table to breath oxygen and only despair and tears and cries get out — that’s howthings are. Such a common selfishness like letting Sulis stay by her side asshe loses her mind more and more will lead towards death.

The hospital’s bed is a coffin she won’t wake up and the sounds of the machine monitoring a heartbeat are an imaginary she surrounds herself into. A landscape she never thought possible until recently but the white walls and the white furniture are those of a dead person. Meiko lets the white take over her and accepts how others with color should stay away from death. Sulis with her colorful, lively self shouldn’t be here but outside. There’s no need to be with a person that was never a person.

What her best friend needs isn’t a creature who issinking further into her own misery, and Sulis can’t get that from her.Friendship among one who was built as a weapon and a creature meant to beeradicated is unfathomable. Had she been a human, and not a pale imitation ofsomeone else’s soul, their circumstances would be different.

                                                         Love means letting another go.