006. on self-sacrifice / mentality
one of the strongest aspects of irisviel’s character is resolution vs resignation. she was a woman who had been created with the purpose of her death; in all technicality everything about her personality is a fluke –––– she convincingly emulates a human being, and genuinely possesses the emotions and thoughts of someone who is human, but it is an immutable fact that she is a tool, likened even to a “beer mug” by her husband. hers is a meaningless, single-minded existence that, by a stroke of irony, she was able to give meaning via the fluke that is the personality she’d developed. however, because of the development of her ego she now has a great comprehension of pain that she’d otherwise been spared. most ironic, and paradoxical, is that she is incredibly strong of character at her own expense.
most important to note is that irisviel has her own wishes and goals that are separate from both her husband’s and her family’s. she admits to not understanding kiritsugu’s wish ( though she acts as if she does, since it’s easier for him if she was an ally dying for a shared goal, instead of a woman willing to die for her husband ), and she also has no interest in attaining the third magic. the latter differentiates her from her family, as she exists only to allow to descent of the greater grail and, in turn, the reclamation of that magic –––– that is to say that she has diverged from the sole existence as that of a “tool”. she does not view her fate as tragic or something to grieve over, because she has given meaning what should have been a routine, meaningless sacrifice. this enables her to accept her death with incredible grace. she views her death as “something that had to happen, and so i made it mean something”, as opposed to “something that had to happen, and so there is no point in doing anything.”
interestingly, her approach is not to fight fate, but to take control of the path that leads her to a designated end. she’s incredibly self-aware in regards to the fact that the curtain on her life has been closed from the start, and her goals align more in preventing the same ending from befalling those closest to her. this is the greatest contributor to her self-sacrificial tendencies.
because irisviel will always be the one who dies, any superfluous pain she takes onto herself is arguably trivial to her. those beloved by her take priority not only because of her love for them, but because they will live on. this sets her on a parallel with her husband, he who’s willing to commit the greatest evil to end all evil. irisviel wanted the 4th war to be the last; and likewise she intends for her suffering to be the same.
what makes this self-sacrificial is the fact that irisviel shoulders a great deal of personal pain throughout the duration of and leading up to the war and says nothing about it. the prime example of this is maiya’s presence and how it brings out a side of her husband that she does not know, and her vague feeling regarding kiritsugu’s infidelity ( which in and of itself had been a deliberate act for the sole purpose of distancing himself from her ).
on some level it’s reasonable to see this dedication as something to be admired, but in reality her self-sacrificing mindset is incredibly detrimental and self-destructive. it results in something of an anomaly because irisviel is not self-deprecating and is very aware of her strengths and is even assertive, but at the same time will allow herself to suffer without recompense. to quote a certain author, she will bear any pain if she feels it has meaning.
self-sacrificing but not self-deprecating, irisviel is in fact so acutely aware of the value of her life ( or rather, the loss of it ), that she is willing to destroy herself and enable her own suffering for the salvation of others. oddly and hypocritically, this is not something she tolerates of other people and especially not from them towards her -- this is testament to how deeply ingrained in her mindset the fact that her very existence is defined as “someone who dies” really is.