Back then when wars were not a business but rather events that made an empire, this book conceived strategies that shaped not only warfare but also countries themselves.

It was followed by prominent people - people known from ancient times through the infamous World Wars we studied in our history books.

Those people followed it, believed in it and won by the use of it.

They are the people who defended a city, won battles and even made a country.

It’s a book that became philosophy for others even today, modern leaders know it.

It is the Art of War.

Check out the 5-minute, summary video here for the book:

That's what it felt like. The longest quarter that I had in a year.

To the long followers, had-been followers or I-hope-soon-to-be-followers of this blog, this blog had been once a well of literature and I guess...experiments. Most of my articles here events of my life guised as poetry, etc. Some were pure inspiration and others I was proud of. I guess too, the whole online blogging thing for me was all experimental for me. And this blog had faded into a pseudo-journal for me with a literary post every now and then.

So, this year has felt long. Maybe because I was focused from the 2nd to the last quarter of the year. I had a purpose; a straight-up one. The 1st quarter that I had was, well, tragic but I'm sure now was necessary. We always act when its too late and that's the lesson. What I learned are two, important and great things; discipline and submission.

I submitted my dreams to my need. I didn't consider defeat but I considered what was necessary. I understood that I'm not that fortunate but I am capable. Someday, I will be and I should be. It will happen.

I disciplined myself to what is necessary. No more playing around and the past 4 years felt like life's masteral degree for me. It was the lesson that I needed, all of adolescent's little curiousities gone and answered for me. I didn't cutoff friendships but I lied low for those unnecessary events. Now, I'm only curious to what life will give to me with the preparation that I'm doing.

And maybe...maybe I learned a third thing. Faith. I learned how to trust my actions and decisions. I will not waiver and will always have conviction on all of the things that I do, even the little ones.

So I guess that's me for this year. Next year, I should learn consistency and maintain my discipline. I know I always throw out vague scenarios but I was hoping that for you, the reader, will make out some wisdom for it.

Thank you, to you who are able to finish until this article until this part. If you want to read more, I post sometimes on Instagram. Just look for:

the_grey_philosopher

Me and my special one had this poignant conversation and she mentioned this statement;

"...we should be creating more good memories. Because when the time comes and we lose this kind of spark, we can just reminisce those memories and everything can be good again."

The statement was so random that when I got home, it was only then that I realized it was true. And its the reality of a relationship also.

It secured me on some way also. I always had this thought that sweetness fade away through time and consistency is the hardest to keep on a relationship. On the back of my mind, I'm always thinking and have this question...what happens then if the sparks that flew just flew away?

Then the answer was already given. Sparks do fly but memories don't. People might leave and you might miss them but those good moment that you all created will always stay. The time that you two did all that you craved, wished, prayed, wanted, when you and your partner are more secured and comfort becomes your home, the magic will be rare but it will stay. Ultimately, we don't miss the person but rather the thought of creating good memories with them.

And it was then, here at home, I realized the answer that I should've given when she said that...

...reminiscing those moments that we had will always make everything better.

And that's the best part. Its not the time that was spent that will make you secure but rather the moments that you spent with that person. Good or bad, better or worse, the worst or the best...even if its just a matter of minutes, hours, days or weeks...even years or just a few seconds, time might be always considered but the more important thing is what was done on that moment. Its not what was said or how it was planned. Its not what was promised or what was imagined. Its not what was dreamt or prepared. At the end, it was always what was done and executed.

If you’re going to ask me

What I like about you

I would say liking you is too less

There is too much in you to miss

 If you’re going to ask me

What will I miss about you

I would say it’s not about you

It’s only about me, appreciating you

 If you’re going to ask me

If I have a question for you

I would only have more answers

And feelings that can’t be questioned

 If you’re going to ask me

Why I don’t approach you

It’s like walking to a cliff

And talking to you, is falling off

 If only I could ask you

If only you could answer

Then ifs will be may

And I will never ask

And you will never answer

You will be the “if” in my “may”

Hey, to anyone who is still reading and waiting for my writings...I will say bless you since you are still reading this.

 Clearly its been a long time. What I had was like another four-year course on life. Life taught me even though how fortunate you are, we are always directed to look at the unfortunate. Also if you had followed my writings for the past six or seven (?) years, this blog has been my semi-diary and a product of my college past...more of, rather, a product of one of the motivation of my ex-girlfriend. It came out good eventually. Writing has become my partner ever since, a place I can always go to and a friend that always listen. Story is...

 ...I was stuck on a job that I never wanted but needed. I was searching not only for maturity but also the reality that I cannot always do what I want and easily get what I need (I always speak on vague terms so a few can relate somehow). Those four years, I don’t know what drove me to stay on that industry for a long time but all I knew was that I was doing it for her. We had that promise that after her problem, we will be doing things together.

 So I took focus on working and enjoying things I never did before; I got drunk, got home late, bought things I never needed but always wanted, I got more friends and a few more closer friends than I expected and I even got promoted. I was already submitting at what I despised doing at that time but I realized its not too late to stop. So I did. I stopped and do what I wanted to do. I made a film, I returned to the theater industry, I wrote, I blogged, I talked to the people who are close to me and eventually got my spark back. Then she left me.

 Many writers became writers because of being heartbroken. And now matter what kind of emotion that is, as long as its strong, we feed on it. So don’t blame me.

 I already moved on. Or trying to. I guess. She was the last piece of what I had back in college. The glory I thought I had. The arrogance I thought I haven’t. The pride that kept me going even though I despised myself for the past few years. I realized that yeah, I was living on those times still.

 What I thought was, how to remove this toxic feeling? This memory that I was still living on? I am jobless for the past 2 months now and my family has been always supportive. Funny huh. When I said I was fortunate, I never realized that I am because of them. They were always here but I was too stubborn when I said I don’t need them. I was too prideful to admit that when I am lost, I will go back to them. You might lose everything but family should be your everything.

 So I escaped the job and now my past has left me. Now I am living with the left overs of how pitiful I am and how lonely life should be. I want to ask those who I have been with, those people who are still close to me...how were they able to move on? How were they able to accept the reality that they will never able to get what they really wanted in life?

 It was my glaring question at that time. How envious I am of it. It was answered nonetheless...I reconnected with my theater mentor and he showed me how it is. He has a family now, at his forties and still doing what he wants. Its never too late, what I said to myself.

 So the title...yeah, it was a long-time karma. Four years spent living on the life I thought I’m still living and the life that I never wanted. I did bad that time...worse maybe. I thought I had everything and things will come into place the way I always wanted it. I was eaten by reality and denied it but people showed me its part of maturity. Karma was supposed to be a religious thing and I’m not even religious. Point is, that is the best example I can have with my life right now. Maybe I’m still a bit religious. That I believe its a calling rather a sign to change the pace of my life. Accept things and focus on what I can do. Another course of my life, another road that I will take. And I will do good this time.

There’s no easy job, that’s for sure.      

           Hell, you’re the luckiest if your work is your passion but still, those people experience hard times on their job.

           It might be the workload, the workmates, the environment or the compensation, its never fair. You’re not alive unless there’s a problem to be solved.

           The toxic kicks in when its too much. The workload will be too heavy, too much to handle, the workmates will become an annoyance or disturbance, rather than a team mate, the environment will feel like a cage, a trap where it’ll still hurt even though you escaped and lastly, the compensation will feel like an insult to your hard work. Toxic then seeps into your very soul like a virus and you’ll be questioning yourself; what I’m doing here?

           The answer is thin back why you started in the first place. Did you take the job out of spite? Did you just do it because you’re bored? Did you even think twice before applying to that job?

           If all of the answers were negative, then just get out of there. If a tree will grow on a wrong place, it’ll never be productive. If you’re planning to grow then move out before your roots catch ground. You’ll never know how large the world is and if you think about it, we’re just tiny specks of being in this wide, ever-growing universe. See, even the universe is growing and what are you doing there?

Dead is the brain

Who takes no strain

Who let’s illusion reign

And no positive gain

Come on, let’s play

Problems to delay

The trap is lay

Your brain has no say

Oh hey

Did you hear what I say?

You brain is beat

Your spirit, no heat

Let the drugs take over

Let the games gain over

Let the shows move over

To your head, it’s over  

Reality ends and the dreams begin

The false truth will not be unseen

The poison is so keen

Cannot undone what has been

Goodbye, wisdom thinking

See your fantasies passing by

You’re hopeless

All the sin comes rushing by

That’s faithless

Intrusion of the mind at its best

Your weakness

Imagination takes no rest

It’s endless

As the skin bare

Its all fair

Temptation rising

Your body says it’s unfair

Lust is winding

Grinding, never-ending, all sweating

Creeps you out

Seeping and licking

Sucks you out

Defile the holiest, break the law

Never be caught

In your mind’s play, there’s no flaw

What you brought

Is the cursed and the most forbidden

Fruit, the most evil

You will never be forgiven

You are the devil

And there’s no angel

Perversion is your only gospel

They say the body is the temple

No, the body is the downfall

Desire on earth

If you’re collecting, be prepared of the consequences.

           Too much will never be enough. It’s an easier craft but the hard part is you know it’ll never be finished and you just can’t stop. Everything, anything, related to your collection must be put into your hands and in your hands its must stay. It’s a greed that will take your life completely, will devour your resources and will lead you to the inescapable pits of obsession. I might sound too grim about it but it’s the truth. It’s an endless spiral.

           Sometimes it’s fine to see them. Sometimes it’s just okay to remember them. The satisfaction of seeing, feeling or cramming the images, the ownership, and the effort in your mind satiates that overpowering greed that manipulates your sorry life. You just can’t be tired of it and you’ll always find a reason to do it even though it defies the necessary.

           Then you’ll realize you’re broke. Might be financially (most of the times) but it will feel like there’s a gaping hole somewhere around your chest. You’ll deny it as long as you can because you don’t want to see the collection as your regret.

It is

Dying while doing what you want

Dying when you finished your work

Dying with someone you love

Dying with someone you hate

Dying when everyone wishes you to

Dying filled with peace

Dying and thinking you escaped

Dying as the world falls apart

Dying and bringing everyone with you

Dying and everyone has peace

Dying with pride

Dying with the great lies they made

Dying with the greater lies they built

Dying for the country

Dying for another

Dying for a just cause

Dying for no reason

Dying

The last time you had one...when was it again?

           Maybe it was about for a thing...a hobby...perhaps an event...a place?A pet? Worst is, it might be for a person. Really?Worst? You’ll never know unless you experienced it.

           If I try to describe it, being infatuated is like being a kid. You feel happy because you discovered something wonderful. Then you will be overwhelmed by such wonder that you can’t contain it. You’ll try your best to keep it to yourself but you just want to share it with someone else, maybe with someone special, but you always have this thought that the other will also discover the wonder that you found.

           And what you found is something that will never be discovered by others.

           Its frustrating really...the feeling of struggle that maybe you want to get out of your chest. You want to pour it out but there is not such vessel that can take it. Then disappointment comes in followed by regret and most of the times, shame.

           The little kid inside of you dies in a suicidal attempt as bitterness struck its heart.

           Unfortunately and maybe preferably, it really needs to go to that process for it to realize that it is really a child. It needs to grow up and also not to forget that it discovered that strong feeling. It needs to remember all from the happiness to the hardship and believe me, it is a necessary transformation.

Stand at the top of your tower

Everything will feel the lesser

You thought you’re so high

And other else is nigh

Then feelings overflow

Hopeful thoughts grow

You look down, smile

You’ll be joining in a while

Then you jump, brave and joyful

Not thinking the bottom is sorrowful

Then there it is, waiting

Its always there predating

The higher you went up

The farther you fall

Your stakes are all up

You will lose it all

Your tower is a lie

Regret you can’t deny

You can’t climb back

Darkness you won’t hack

Nothing to return, nothing left

Its life’s most notorious theft

Shame, it already eaten you

“It's nicer to have you back you know.”

“By the way, if you have someone new...tell me immediately so I'll stop expecting and waiting...I'll be glad for you just so you know..”

“That goes without saying. I mean you don’t have to tell me that. Of course I will.”

“Thank you...and I hope this goes without saying...my heart is only dedicated to you.”

“Are you even sure about that?”

“Why the doubts? Why aren't you sure about me?”

“Its not whether am sure about you, but are you sure with yourself about that? Maybe something is blinding you right now...”

“Why? I couldn't see any reason why I’m being blinded...”

“Because you're a young man.”

“We are young. If we talk, I'll elaborate to you how life and love must be a masterpiece. You work hard for it to be perfect and the good thing is...you'll never stop working. Why? Because nothing's perfect you know that...that's love how should be.”

“Makes me laugh...the irony. We don’t speak of that word back then.”

“Sounds like a joke to you?”

“Nah. It's the irony...”

“Oh, don't think about back then. But of course, you can't help it...”

“Did you at least learn your life lesson from me?

“I think I'll just prove it. But you never know at least you give me the chance...”

“My question was answerable by yes or no. Anyway...”

“Are you giving me the chance right now? Why the question then?

“Oh man, the fact that I started talking to you again after our talk means I have never really dumped you. I know what you want from me...all these are chances.”

“And don't ask me anymore if I learn. You know that I'm giving everything to you yet you're not taking it all.”

“Do you have any regrets? Or some things that you think you should’ve done the other way?”

“The things I should've done? Well I've done it and doing it now! You know I regret taking you for granted. You have me and I had you in every way...worst to best that's why here I am. We got nothing else to prove or to discover...we have our differences, yes...but you know what i'm talking about. We are just one and I know it.

“...I don’t know what to say.”

“Take your time. Feelings always go without sayings.”