Finding Micah

Hello ~¨

My name’s Micah :3

I am a nonbinary person who is trying their best finding their way through life and hopefully take steps towards a more authentic version of myself.

This blog is me trying to keep track of my journey by making a mini diary entry for every day around 500 digits per entry.

May do some of the entries as voice entries as well to keep track if there’s some voice changes.

> Main blog: MarcooftheMoon

> Entries 

Other tags (updates from time to time)

> Motivational 

> Mental health 

It has been a while. Just needed to rant a bit.

One thing I knew was a risk starting testosterone was hairloss, even more so since my grandfather on my father's side was bald at 25. Yet as many other transmasculine people I decided the pros was worth it.

The last month or so I have noticed a change in my hair texture. What has always been described by hairdressers as thick and lushious is now seemingly thin and frail. Yesterday I seemed to notice a bald spot for the first time. Today, using my phone in the fullbody mirror to look at the top of my head, it was proofed that it was indeed a bald spot.

I am in two minds about this: one is that I cannot really complain. I chose this path so I should earn it. Let nature run its course. Become good friends with beanies and caps. After all, I have so many hats after growing my hair out after surgery.

On the other hand I feel a lot of dread. I have always put a lot of myself into my hair. When I chose to buzz it short in preparation for top surgery I hated the look of it. Some days my discomfort felt like dysphoria (I blame my fluent gender identity). I have finally gotten my hair back to a length and a haircut I feel comfortable with only to now see it dissappear for good.

What is the solution (if there is any?)?

Bonus for 2,5 months (11 weeks) post op 🥺

Hi i am still alive 😆

Tied my appartment

Swept the floors

Packed my bag one last time

Took out the trash

Pracitced for choir

Drew some fanart

Travelled by train to my mother's house

Went to work at internship

Booked hotel for warszawa

Bought groceries

Booked new flight home from poland

Dyed my hair

Took a shower

Cooked dinner

Washed dishes

Recorded voice data for 53 weeks on hrt

Went to work at internship

Collected ideas for upcoming trip to ljubjana

Took a shower

Went to work at internship

Went grocery shopping

Cooked lunch

Trimmed my hair

Went to support group meeting

Got bonescan, blood test and muscle strength test as part of hrt test (one year follow up)

Went shopping

Called my contact person

Went grocery shopping

Went pottery painting with my sister

Took a shower

Wrote to secretary at Reformkliniken

Wrote to social worker and contact person about possible meeting (considering top op)

Made lunch

Went to work at internship

Went to tattoo appointment

Walked home (forgotten bike light)

Cooked dinner

Travelled home

Made a week day plan for the upcoming week

Took a nap

Went grocery shopping

Made drafts for e-mails to clinic, social worker and contact person

Another no word limit day!

After the pre-op consultation in Malmö today, I feel relieved yet slightly shaken up (the latter part because it was the first time since my ex I’d had tits out in front of somebody else and definitely the first time having to describe my feelings about them yet alone while half naked). Mostly I’m hopeful! They were so kind, supportive, professional, factual and thorough. I have a good feeling about this, and my friends agreed that it seemed to be a good place. Plus, they have no waitlist. They basically just told me to let them know when and we’d figure something out.