venzy

I have been scrolling NON STOP FOR THE PAST 40 MIN AND ALL I FIND IS SMUT

All I want to do is read some angst or other wholesome stuff AND NOT SMUT. Can I just for once enjoy crying in heartacke and not see a smut warning.

ARE YOU GUYS REALLY THAT HORNY!?!?😦💀

Tim: why me?

Jason: you were my replacement robin, why not red hood? also i know aswell as you that younwlukd make an excellent crime lord

Tim: your still like twice my size tho

Jason: you subbed in for bruce, you can sub in for me

Damian: i request more training with step-father to improve my blade wielding abilities.

Jason, looking up and blinking: wait is that me?

Jason:

Jason: cool.

Jason, turning to Talia: i don’t mind training my step-son.

Talia:

Talia: he isn’t your step-son.

Damian: yes i am.

Talia: Damian, no. he can’t be your father. he’s seventeen.

Damian: oh and that’s an issue is it?

Talia:

Damian:

Jason: *grinning in delight at the family drama*

-later, upon Damian’s arrival in Gotham-

Bruce: and these are your brothers,

Damian: ah yes, i am aware of them.

Damian, nodding at the batkids: Grayson, Drake,

Damian, turning to Jason: step-father,

Jason, solemnly: step-son. good to see you again.

What kinda curse is Slang, anyway?

“This is the best day of my life.”

“You thought you ate that.” Bruce physically feels a full body shiver, charged with nausea and cringe. “This is level 10 cringe. Can’t have shit in Gotham.”

Dick is his earth bound angel, but he laughs like a demon at him, holding onto Jason for support, pledging his eternal loyalty to Zatana and her pettiness.

—

“Hey, old bat, hook me up with an adrenaline shot.”

What he wants to say is Jay, do not try and fight with 6 bullets in your stomach.

What comes out instead, through Bruce’s grit teeth and intense, fierce glaring, “Not you trying to go back to your corpse era. See how I only took 2 shots? Very demure. Very mindful.”

Jason passes out from blood loss, but mostly laughter.

—

“Chat, is this real?”

Stephanie barely bites back a full belly cackle. “I think he just asked us if we copied.”

“I wish I was Jason, 15.”

—

“This is not a slay environment. Killing is flop behavior.” He keeps his eyes shut and buries his face in his hands. Trying to convince Damian not to stab someone doesn’t seem to work.

Damian gives him a pat like he’s a pitiful cat. “I’ll only stab the non lethal areas.”

Tim snacking on something he found in the foyer, working on a case while needing a nap, seeing Bruce enter: mh..

Bruce seeing him: hm?

Tim holding up the snack: Mhm.

Bruce: hmm…

Tim the next day, freshly awake from a 10 hour long coma nap, entering the foyer: WHAT THE FUCK?!

Said snack being the only thing on the first 10 shelves.

issue is Dick’s been hallucinating Jason for the past 6 months. not even in a particularly sad way, just in a ‘my little brother mocks me from the corners of the room daily and i can’t even do anything about it bcs he’s DEAD’ way. every time he calls hallucination-Jason an asshole the little prick says ‘ok but you didn’t come to my funeral’ and there’s really no good response to that. so when ALIVE Jason shows up in his apartment and in an emotionally constipated attempt to soften the blow of ‘im not dead, surprise!’ decides to just act casual and brotherly without any big displays or anything, Dick… responds in kind.

Jason: oh thank fuck we’re on the same page. no need for crying or annoying long conversations we can just work on. getting used to being a family again. this is ideal.

Dick: hey the asshole hallucination grew up. my subconscious is getting really creative.

Jason stays at Dick’s place for the next few weeks and they both settle into a comfortable cohabitation in which one brother is really relieved that he can focus on calming the Lazarus rage and being a younger brother without any over-emotional displays he isn’t comfortable with, and the other does not know he is living with a real life other person. it’s honestly the most they’ve ever gotten along before.

the realisation only hits when Jason wakes Dick up at 3 in the morning because he couldn’t sleep and made bbq ribs and wanted to know if he wanted any, and Dick in his barely conscious state was like ‘fuck yeah, hallucination ribs i can TASTE!’ and then the next morning he wakes up with sticky fingers and sauce all over his sheets and the dishes they ate off cleaned and put back in the cupboard, and Dick makes the connection of like. there is no way on earth his half asleep mind would even CONSIDER cleaning up the cutlery after eating. but Jason 100% would. which means Jason cleaned up last night. which means the ribs were real and so was he. which means-

holy fucking shit his brother’s alive

Mainly because I’m Batman.