Mars + Venus = Human

Serba salah ya terlalu mandiri cowo males, terlalu menye menye gue yang gimana yaaa.

Tapi sepertinya gue dikelilingi cowo-cowo yang senang kalo pasangannya menye-menye bisa disayang-sayang. Hahaha!

Bukannya cewe mandiri ngga butuh disayang atau ngga butuh cowo yaa tapi selama masih bisa dikerjain sendiri ya dikerjain sendiri dulu.

Se simple buka botol mineral water selama masih bisa buka sendiri ya buka sendiri sih, tapi ternyata itu bisa bikin si cowo-cowo ini merasa diperlukan lho.

atau se simple bisa turun tangga sendiri tanpa pegangan cuma para gentlemen ini terlihat bahagia lho kalo cewe-cewe ini mengulurkan tangan untuk pegangan ke mereka.

cheessy memang tapi faktanya so sweet so sweet gitu, pengen ngalamin yang begitu tapi kayaknya susah ya karena udah template ngerjain sendiri dulu aja kalo udah ngga bisa ya baru deh ask for a helping hand.

Pernah sih sesekali nyobain jadi kayak ngga bisa melakukan sesuatu padahal bisa banget sendiri. Rasanya aneh aja.

Anyway gue sih berharapnya ketemu sama someone equal in terms i dont have to act weak just get a sweet gesture.

Here in the middle of starngers i do not feel alone at all. I feel surrounded. A bit bored more because i used to be alone in the crowd but now i don't feel alone at all in the land surrounded by strangers.

Here with him

I no longer wanna cry, no longer expeccting anything. I enjoy me and i don't mind with his presence by my side at all.

May be i on the next phase already.

2024 when i finally let things go, and i feel the changes to where i actually hope for all this long. The changes that surprises me, not something too much but for me this is something. Not for me to hope for something more but makes me happy. Thank you Allah.

I dont expect for anything, i dont hope for the butterflies in my tummy. Being able to see the changes in this human being relationship between me and him already makes me smile. I dont say it is enough because i am just a human being, but i dont want to put any hope.

Right now and right here, this for me just let it flow where ever it may lead.

then i find out he is communicating with someone i know just fine.

may be just may be my negative thoughts : he doesnt want to communicate anymore.

she said aku itu kesepian, perlu temen buat ngobrol dan didengar.

And i agree on that, i told her so do i.

And suddenly i talk to myself how i miss this person, the one that i could talk things. Anything, be heard.

i do find this on several man but they are not just for me there are boundaries that i need to make.

maybe he is busy but maybe he just forbid by the situation.

i know the condition and i have limited my expectation, im just happy having someone to talk to. but maybe i am not allowed to just have him as a friend or a brother.

he read the messages and im still hoping he will reply.

ternyata aku rindu, aku rindu menjadi diriku yang punya ruang sendiri yang hanya untuk bahagia ku tanpa perduli apa yang dipikirkan orang lain.

Here goes another September of my life.

September always been a special month for me. This is my birth month. Each years different things happen but whatever it is, it’s always special things that showered me with tons of love.

i just wanna say hi to September, thank you for always making me the way i am.