★ ┊ venturingthestars.
The original intent of her words does find purchase, and he does illicit something of an amused smile at the thought.
Then, a hand extended to scratch at his shoulder, thoughtfully. She’d been very quick to cut herself off, to assure she meant it as a joke, which honestly made him more aware of the situation he found himself in. He was used to life-threatening situations and the black humor that came from them, but for someone to assure that they didn’t mean a joke… that was overwhelming in a way that he didn’t quite understand.
“I’m the same.” Cassian agreed honestly. “This sort of work.. it does not offer you the luxury of friendships. Very new.” He replied, giving a weak grin. “Scarier than taking fire from a Stormtrooper swarm.”
Cassian had never been one to trust, and that wasn’t his choice. Kill those that got close, do anything to keep the dream alive… he’d lost his morals along the way. And that had made his actions on Yavin IV and the subsequent actions on Scarif all the more baffling from the outside, considering his history of staying in line.
Perhaps it was a moral realization. Perhaps it was guilt. More likely, it was the inspiration of a woman so like him, and yet filled with hope.
“They have no intention of letting us be.” Cassian replied at her realization. His eyes quietly scanned the area, and immediately picked up at least one passerby that was trying their hardest to not to show that they were watching. Simply with his yes, Cassian motioned in the individual’s direction.
“But I doubt they will stop us. And… I’d like that.”
it is a hideous feeling to be under constant suverlliance. it feels sticky and uncomfortable like being covered in grime and gore, soaked in shame and fear under people’s judging sight. and jyn had spent much of her life not just running away but making herself small and invisible in order to go unnoticed from such dispariging eyes.
rent the smallest and cheapest room, do the lowest profile jobs, find a conspicious ride to the farthest planet and repeat the cycle all over again. she got so close to the outer rim back then, before being taken to wobani prison, only to be dragged all the way back to the eye of the storm that was the war against the empire.
❛ they can try and fight me. ❜ she mumbles only for cassian to hear, her nose scrunching in annoyance but the bitterness soon dissipates from her face and it’s replaced with an amicable smile instead. even jyn herself is surprised with the softness of her response.
❛ let me show you— ❜ jyn hastily reaches out for cassian grabbing him by the wrist as she walks off the medical wing, leading the way to the elevator.
it is also a hideous feeling of temptation harbouring in her chest when she entertains the idea of holding cassian’s hand again, of intertwining their fingers and feeling the warmth of his hand against her skin. the thought alone is comforting.
she’s less concerned with the possibility of strangers seeing such a scene and more so mortified of what cassian might think. because however dumb and lonely he could think she is for longing home and finding it in their conntection… he would be right. that’s the worst part, she knows he would be right.
❛ cassian, what’s your favourite colour? ❜ she asks out of the blue as the elevator door slides shut, swiftly pushing her mind far away from ininvited thoughts. she leans against one of the walls, waiting to be lifted to the highest floor of the tower. ❛ mine’s green. ❜
Cassian was used to being monitored. While he was out in the world, he always had to operate like he was being watched, even if he wasn’t. Going behind enemy lines, pretending to be what he wasn’t... there was nothing worse. The way it poisoned his heart and soul, blackened it with plaque and blotted out the light within it. The way paranoia grew like roots in his mind, hard vines growing over it’s every cell. But it was what it took to survive.
The hardest part was this, though. Them watching him here. The place he’d fought hardest to protect. The place he’d barely survived for. The embodiment of hope.
A weak smile crossed his lips at her mumbled words. He didn’t reply, of course. But it was nice to know a near-death experience hadn’t changed her. Which made it altogether more surprising when he felt her grab his wrist and pull him forward. At first, he was entirely taken off guard. It wasn’t that long ago that she might’ve thrown him out an airlock. Yet here, there was a strange comfort in the feeling of her skin. Tempered from a hard life, yet still soft to the touch.
As they reached the elevator, he found himself looking at her, in thought. It wasn’t that long ago they had been in this situation, either. Despite how dark the elevator was, he could still see the yellow tint against her skin from the catastrophic event that had nearly taken both their lives.
What had it taken for her to hold him, in that moment? To put aside the lies he’d told her, and comfort him in the face of oblivion itself? For someone who was so deadset on giving off a hard exterior, she was kind. Kinder than anyone he had ever known. And as he reflected on it, and thought of her face bathed in yellow, he was proud that he had thrown everything aside to be at her side.
“Strangely?” He replied, looking into her eyes. “Green.”
It was right about that time that Cassian became acutely aware of just how long he’d been looking at it. With a cough he turned his head away, regarding the door in front of them. Stupid. He thought to himself, repeating the word a few times over in his mind. He was letting his own thoughts get away from him. Go into flights of fancy. He was better than that. An hour back on his feet and he’d already made a fool out of himself, in front of the one person he actually cared enough to not want to do so in front of.
“Where are we heading?”












