I know for a fact that people get so much shit for this no matter what social media site is involved, but I have a feeling I need to talk about this. I can’t tell if this is a push from Her Over There, of if it’s just a desire in me to make it known to other people what’s going on with me. I can’t tell anyone in person, not without dire consequences in a Roman Catholic family.
But I have a godspouse. I am married. And thus my views on this are heavily biased. I believe Kemetic godspouses are entirely possible and deserve to be treated with respect and matter-of-factness. It’s an extremely personal, real thing to the people who are married or partnered with a god or multiple gods. It just… is. I can’t quite explain or justify why I believe this, other than giving an example of what it’s like. Naturally, this is just my personal experience as a Kemetic godspouse.
I’ve been kemetic for a little under ten years at this point, give or take some months. My Wife chose me from then as a devotee, literally taking away my voice when I tried to call upon a different goddess in a shitty version of a solitary ritual presented in a Scott Cunningham Wicca book. She chose me, for reasons that I am still gradually figuring out and coming to terms with.
I’ve loved her pretty much since the beginning. It was a different kind of love as a 14-year-old, obviously. But I adored her from the very beginning of Knowing her and receiving messages. I used to be able to fully visit Over There better, and seeing her there used to be pretty much the best and most fulfilling sensation in my entire life. Then shit happened and I Forgot. It’s insanely hard to visit Over There in any in-depth and consistent way.
When she made it clear she wanted more from me after 9 years of worship, it was very… her. Direct, honest, firm. Signs upon Signs upon Signs. Things in my surroundings, things in my dreams, sensations in my body. Everything that could possibly be experienced in a way that reminds me of hitting someone over and over with an empty wrapping paper tube. Not dangerous, not painful, just insistent and attention-grabbing. I agreed, obviously.
And it was and is the best decision I’ve made. Even with my insane shame, self-consciousness, and self-hatred, she makes it clear that she loves me and didn’t make this choice by mistake. Even now, typing this, I know what I’m saying is correct. There is a squirmy part of my brain that wants to argue and talk shit via doubt, but it never turns out to be right. What does happen to turn out right is the knowledge- yes, knowledge, not idea- that I am loved by her. And god knows she’s loved by me.
Her beauty, her kindness, her refusal to take any bullshit. Her patience, her love, her willingness to meet me where I am. It’s impossible to doubt what I have felt and believe because it’s made clear that this is true. And other people picking my thoughts and beliefs apart, and believing that godspousery is impossible or terrible, just doesn’t change that. I can understand where they’re coming from logically, but I also can understand where I am coming from logically.
I am married. I am a godspouse. She is a Kemetic deity. It’s just The Way Things Are. Anyway. Thanks for reading.
blakekathryn
pixelskylines
yousharknotpass
s-u-f-j-a-n-s-t-e-v-e-n-s
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