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Allowances

In this post I’ll be helping you figure out what your allowance should be.

An allowance is different from a PPM (pay per meet), which is when you are paid only upon meeting with a POT / SD. This is a lower amount (usually in the hundreds).

Pros:

• instant payment

• easier to negotiate, since it is a lower amount

• PPM is best suited for short term arrangements

Cons:

• inconsistent - if you or your SD ends up being busy for a few weeks, you won’t be receiving any money until your next meeting! And since it is a lower amount, that kind of sucks.

I will write separately about PPM in the future, but I am mainly going to be advocating for allowances for the reasons listed below.

An allowance is a regular payment from a sugar daddy on a weekly, biweekly, or monthly basis. This payment is for your time, companionship, and intimacy.

Pros:

• higher pay - allowances are usually in the thousands on a monthly basis

• consistent - allowances do not necessarily depend on how often you see your SD, which makes it a more consistent and dependable form of compensation

• allowances are best suited for long term arrangements

Cons:

• because it is a higher amount, it can be more difficult and scarier to negotiate (but I’m here to help with that 💁🏽‍♀️)

• I don’t necessarily see this as a con, but expect to spend a lot more time with an allowance daddy - that is what you are being compensated for, after all!

I am more of a fan of allowances because of the consistency and of course because of the higher pay. I also knew I wanted to have long term arrangements from the beginning. I will try to provide as much info as I can about PPM in the future or if you have questions about it, but my blog will be mostly focused on allowances and negotiating them.

By now you should know your financial goals and have an idea of how you want to be compensated and how much you want to be compensated.

So how much should a sugar baby’s allowance be? There are many different factors that determine this.

According to Seeking.com, the average sugar baby allowance is $3000/month, with a range between $1000 - $5000.

Factors that determine this are:

• your location - if you are in the city, you can expect to earn more. The cost of living is higher, and income is generally higher too.

• How much your SD earns, but most importantly how much he has to spend - even if he earns over $200K a year, he could be investing a great portion of it, or putting children through school.

• The details of your arrangement, including how often you two meet and if you also receive gifts and other types of compensation. If you meet more frequently, that means you are spending more time with him and should therefore be compensated more. If you are receiving other types of compensation such as gifts, your allowance may be on the lower end of the range because the gifts come with a price, too.

An ideal allowance covers your living expenses plus more.

Calculate your ideal allowance by adding up your current expenses, then adding a cushion for the cost of new outfits, nails and hair, cosmetics, waxing, etc. This figure is what you want to have in mind when discussing with your SD. This figure does not include gifts or other non-monetary compensation!

You can also find out how much your SD likely makes by looking up the salary of his job position. This won’t tell you how much he has to spend, though, but it will give you a ballpark idea of what to expect.

You should have a negotiation range that includes the lowest amount you are willing to accept. That way, if your SD cannot meet your ideal allowance, you can negotiate down to an amount that still works for you. So for example, if your ideal allowance is $X,XXX per month, and your low end is $Z,ZZZ a month, your negotiation range is between $Z,ZZZ and $X,XXX. You don’t accept anything lower than $Z,ZZZ.

Takeaway points: the average SB allowance is $3000 per month. Where you live, how much disposable income your SD has to spend, and how much time you spend with him throughout that month will determine if this monthly average is lower or higher for you. Calculate your ideal allowance, but have a lower range figure in mind so that you can negotiate within that range if needed.

On Friday I will write about how to negotiate your allowance with your SD 💕

Ways to accept money anonymously:

Bitcoin

I used to think bitcoin was super complicated and thought I would never use this route but I was able to research and understand it in just 30 short minutes. It’s pretty simple, just think of it as a way to send/receive money from any currency in the world. You can use coinbase.com they have an app as well. You can receive bitcoin and the sender will only have your username. You can then convert it to your currency and transfer to your bank account

Pros: it’s a great way to receive money from anyone in the world. So if you’re dating someone international this is a good option. You can get your allowance this way since he can send any amount.

Cons: you’ll need to tell him to get the app and some people who are less tech savvy (especially if he’s much older) may not feel comfortable when he hears the word bitcoin. If you can convince him to do this, it’ll be a great anonymous way to get money virtually.

Anonymous prepaid gift card

I have used giftrocket.com.

Pros: the sender only needs an email address so you can just make a fake email account. Great for accepting gift money.

Cons: there’s $1k limit so it would be similar to a prepaid card where you’re limited to a certain amount per transaction. Not great for getting an allowance

*Beware of scammers. If he’s telling you to buy a gift card (or anything for that matter) and promising to transfer money to you afterwards then HE’S A SCAMMER! Don’t ever spend your own money. Use your careful judgment when receiving gift cards, you don’t want to get scammed. I’d only suggest this route if you know the SD or have been in a relationship for a while.

Prepaid credit cards

You can have him send you a prepaid gift card.

Pros: if you’re using this as gift money then it’s a nice way to do shopping discretely. Most are visa/MasterCard so they are accepted virtually everywhere and you can do online shopping.

Cons: The problem with this is the amount is quite low (usually $500 max) if you’re wanting to receive play money, this is a nice option but not so much if you’re wanting to receive an allowance or funds of $1k+

*Same disclaimer as earlier. You also don’t want to do anything until you’ve made sure there’s money on the gift card if receiving a physical card. I’ve heard stories of women who got played and were intimate with the man but then later tried to use the card and there was no money on it. That’s why I suggested only going this route if you’re comfortable with the guy.

Cash= no trace

Pros: no virtual trace. Easy and straightforward payment method

Cons: you need to physically meet him

Rent a PO Box

It’s fairly cheap, check your local USPS for pricing in your area. I rent one and it’s priced by size/duration of rental.

Pros: he won’t know your address. You can receive money, money orders, or gifts easily.

Cons: he may not want to send money through the mail.

Venmo/Google Pay/CashApp/Apple Pay/PayPal (fake account)

If you can buy a second phone (you can get an iPhone 7 on amazon for $130 and then buy a prepaid T-Mobile card for $10) it makes keeping things in one place easier. You can use your SB name and create a fake email address as well as sign up for accounts using that email address. That way you won’t get your wires crossed and can keep your daily life separate.

Change your privacy to “private”

Pros: fast and secure. Ease of use. Simple and trusted so pretty much everyone has it.

Cons: If he was tech savvy and really wanted to find your info he could. But that honestly applies to anything virtual. The best way to keep completely anonymous so he doesn’t know your bank details is cash.

Always use tact when dealing with receiving money from men. Don’t get blinded by the amount. If it sounds sketchy or feels wrong, don’t do it. Never give out your personal information or “spend money to receive money.” You can learn more about money tactics at my website ✨💕

Many of you who have reached out to me on this blog have commented on how “sweet” I am, which always makes me laugh, because really I’m quite a sociopath. There are only a handful of people on this planet I care about; everyone else I have no problem (and sometimes even enjoy) fucking with or exploiting for my own personal gain. Today I want to cover two strategies I use to get regular men (not sugar daddies) to give me money, summarized by the following two mantras: 1. Trinkets are tools, and 2. Play poor.

I’ve seen posts on Tumblr circulate the notion to never let a man think you depend on him financially because he will take advantage of your vulnerability. This is great advice if you really are in broke city, but if you’re a little flush, it is actually advantageous to hide the fact you are financially comfortable. I am relatively financially stable and I always look expensive, but I make sure everyone around me believes that I’m actually really fucking poor even when I’m not. Men especially like to feel needed, and helping out a “damsel in distress” boosts their egos. Use this to your advantage.

Now, I don’t make myself a charity case because any negativity or pessimism is going to turn off the person I’m talking to. Instead, I always find a way to mention I don’t have health insurance. This is such a genius way of manipulating men that even when I do get health insurance, which will probably be very soon, I’m still going to lie and make sure every man I date thinks I don’t. I subtly mention this very early when I’m getting to know someone, and find ways to bring it up throughout our relationship. That way, later on when I use this card to finesse money out of a man, he has no inkling of suspicion that I’m lying. For example, when the man I met this weekend was telling me about a gruesome back surgery he had a few years ago, I strategically responded by saying, “Wow! That sounds brutal. I hope I never have to get a surgery like that. I don’t have health insurance; I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to me.” I’ll bring this up a couple more times to further solidify in his mind the fact that I unquestionably do not have health insurance. If later down the road I need to spontaneously and rather quickly ask him for a large amount of money for a doctor’s visit, he won’t have any doubts that I’m lying.  Lately, I’ve been pretty annoyed with Alan (who I introduced in this post). He hasn’t been texting me as much, and did not follow up with me about paying for my hair even though he had offered to do so a while ago (which is fine, I got Miami guy to pay for it). He only sent me money once in the month of July, and I was worried that I would no longer be consistently receiving money from him unless I did something soon to re-establish the financial aspect of our unspoken arrangement. As a remedy, I used the dentist appointment I had yesterday to spring into action.

This is where the mantra “trinkets are tools” comes in. See, a lot of these men will at some point give you a really bad gift. It’s a trinket; something trivial and random because they’re trying to be thoughtful. For example, when Ralph went to the Super Bowl this year, he brought me back a red and gold Super Bowl memorability t-shirt. I made the mistake of throwing it away when we broke up, thinking we’d never get back together. BUT I should have kept it because that’s exactly the kind of random, ugly gift that I’m talking about here. 

Before I left for Florida, Alan got me a pair of socks that he thought were cute and made him think of me, because they are patterned with comic book characters fighting each other (which correlates to my love of comic books and kickboxing). I strategically wore those socks to my dentist appointment yesterday so I could take this “silly” photo and send it to Alan, captioned: At the dentist, thinking of you, lol! 

How did Alan respond? He wrote back, “Jajajaja didn’t think u were gonna wear them 😘 ”. Exactly. My. Point. This is why the trinket is so useful! With one photo, I have introduced the fact that I’m at the dentist and I have made Alan feel special and valued. When I left the dentist, I texted Alan that I have a cavity that is going to cost $235 to fix (This is a lie!) and I asked him if he could help me out. Because of the photo I had just sent him, it didn’t seem random or awkward at all for me to be bringing it up. I could have asked for an easy 200 bucks, but I always ask for an amount that doesn’t seem “even.” Why? Because men are likely to round numbers up, so I end up with more money while preserving the impression that I’m not asking for a lot. Alan ended up wiring me $300 without any hesitation.

Name:

Age:

Location:

Job title:

Company:

Marital Status:

Kids:

Income:

Allowance:

Are Gifts Included:

Meets Per Month:

Method of Transaction:

Preferred Method of Communication:

Code words:

Long term/short term:

Hobbies:

Personality:

Turn-ons:

Turn-offs:

Drinks:

Smokes:

Travels:

Does He Know My Real Name:

Why A SB:

Did I Lie About Anything:

First and foremost- Pay attention to sales and promos. You can shop at higher- end stores but still save so much when you pay attention to these things

How to shop on a budget:

1) Start with the basics- buy simple pieces such as the plain white tee, little black dress, camel coat etc. Make sure to try them on and get them in any specialty sizes (petite/plus/tall) that you may need. The goal is to have them look tailored or like they were made for you. Avoid bold colors. If you like color then mustard yellow, reds, emerald green, cool tone blues, and millennial pink tend to look the most classy. Monochromatic outfits look like $$$. Stay simple with patterns.

2) Find a pair of inexpensive but convincing “diamond” studs and dainty pendants. Avoid anything gaudy or flashy and only do mixed metals if it matches the particular look you are going for.

3) For your makeup find a neutral tone eye shadow palette you can use everyday and for formal events (they last a long time and therefore save money), also get a nude lipstick, lip-gloss and a red lip.

4) For handbags stick to smaller size bags but regardless of the size go for structured preferably leather purses.

5) When it comes to shoes the classiest looks are pointed toe shoes, nude or black heels that are NOT super high, and for summer or casual days- espadrilles

6) Last but not least being well groomed is very important. So make sure to do your hair in simple and flattering hairstyles and learn how to do them yourself to save money. For instance, when I cant make it to the salon I know how to do pretty heat-less curls or a neat bun. Also groom your eyebrows- if you cant afford to get them waxed or threaded you can always buy an eyebrow razor from stores like sally’s. To keep your nails looking nice you can use the at- home acrylic method with glue or keep it simple and paint them nude (which looks classier). Most hair oils also double as cuticle oil.

The most important thing to note is where to shop. Mix the high with the low.

To keep from breaking the bank you can shop anywhere to get basics such as Primark , fashion nova, and forever 21. However when it comes to denim and outerwear pay attention to the quality of material.

Higher end stores such as Revolve or off Saks 5th have items that are amazingly priced down 

The best places to get affordable yet quality shoes are Macy's (who has sales basically everyday), Ross (shop in-store), and Steve Madden.

The best places to find affordable non-cheap looking jewelry is Francesca's, Charming Charlies, Brandy Melville, and Swarovski.

I get compliments the most on my handbags from Zara ( all under $100) and Aldo ( who also has cute affordable sunglasses)

It’s best to get makeup from Ulta than Sephora if you are on a budget. Maybelline and Makeup Forever ( concealers) has great affordable foundations. However I love Fenty.

A Few things to remember:

Quality over quantity (don’t just get a bunch of items because they are on sale get things you will wear and like, and don’t be afraid to splurge on must haves)

Size matters - don’t expect the body-con dresses to fit you like the do fashion nova models if you haven’t their shape. Pay attention to the cut of tops because fashion models are typically flat chested so a low cut top may look classy on them but be way more revealing on the average women. Also dress to flatter you body shape (you should make the clothes look great; they shouldn’t wear you)

Hello again, Baby face 👼

48 laws of power is a great book. All his books are must reads.

I love reading. I read all the time.

Read Forbes, Bloomberg ( Bloomberg Wealth covering finance, culture and billionaires’ lives!), the WSJ, the Robb Report. Read and study the lives of the ultra rich, their interests, hobbies, everything about them. It’ll help you immensely to deal with rich men. You need to be well prepared, be able to “read” them fast, find common topics to talk about. And btw successful men read a lot! E.g. almost every man I’ve met recently read and loved a book called “Bad Blood”. I highly recommend it.

I’ll post screenshots of the books I’ve read and absolutely loved, found very helpful and inspiring.

I’ll probably make another post about my book recs but for now will just post screenshots.

I met Audi on SA last year. I usually don’t entertain men under 45 - he was 39. However, he approached me respectfully, asking me more about my occupation and the hobbies I wrote about in my profile, as well as asking me about the type of arrangement I was looking for. He quickly set up a date for the following weekend at a steakhouse, and I gave him my Google Voice number afterward. We talked a little on the phone and he sent me some photos of himself. He’s black, light skinned, bald, overweight but muscular, about 5’ 10”, and has a very deep baritone voice with a Southern accent. He’s a QA director.

The first date went very well. I had to drive quite a distance for it, however, he reimbursed me twice over for my trip both ways. Dinner was lovely and I felt very comfortable with him. The portions were so large I got to take some back (I love me some leftovers!)

The restaurant was close to a mall, and he offered to take me to any store I wanted. I think it’s an excellent gesture for a guy to take you shopping after a dinner date. I made sure I showed gratitude but not that I was too impressed 💁🏽‍♀️ He got me a few electronics I wanted and a dress form - I work in fashion as a freelancer, and I have always had to make my own dress forms using duct tape lol. He got me a $350 adjustable dress form that I still use to this day, all on the first date.

He never at any point pressured me for pics or intimacy. Sex was something that came naturally and I initiated it after I received my first large payment from him. We started by talking about things we enjoyed in bed, things we were comfortable with, and things we wanted to try. We determined that we were both sexually compatible. A few months into the arrangement, I became comfortable enough to have him come over. He’d always bring me something for dinner. Him being on the younger side, intimacy was really tolerable and really good, actually 😏😉

A few weeks after that, he drove us up in the navy blue Audi about an hour away to one of the largest malls in my area and I went on a full day shopping spree 🤗 by that time, I was experiencing a high level of comfort and trust around him which was very important to me. I very much enjoyed being with him in person, whether we were in public or in private.

A few months later, he actually commissioned me to sew a dress for his young daughter, which he paid me very well for. I sewed it in her favorite color, and he recorded her reaction upon opening it! It was the sweetest thing. He got me a lot of business after that by sharing my work and website with his friends and relatives.

Audi definitely set the bar for how I wanted and expected to be treated not only as a sugar baby, but as a dating woman in general. I think the only thing I could have done differently was bringing up the allowance much sooner. I think I waited more than a month to bring it up, when it’s ideal to bring it up on the second date. Audi makes good money, but he has two young kids and pays child support. Because of this, my allowance is close to my low end, which I expected. I live 2.5 hours away from my state’s major city, so this does affect the allowance I can get as well. He enjoys taking me on shopping trips (we have an upcoming shopping trip in the next month or two), so that does make up for it somewhat. Of course, he’s also got my Christmas wishlist covered. But this is also why I have a second SD (who I will share more about on Friday!)

Just like Audi, I met BMW last year on SA. Although he works in a different industry than I do, he shares a passion in mine and he started our conversation by expressing this after reading my profile. When I asked him what kind of arrangement he was looking for, he told me he wanted a long term but casual relationship - something more than a hookup, but less than a girlfriend. Soon after we got to talking, he set up a date for a day that weekend at a very nice Asian fusion cuisine.

Because he didn’t have a photo on SA, I asked him for some and he obliged. He’s 49, black, full/overweight, bald with a salt and pepper beard. He actually reminds me of a darker skinned version of Uncle Phil from Fresh Prince, lol. He’s the regional director of a large and popular retail/department store in the US.

He travels weekly to visit the company’s franchises in different states, so he’s not a very frequent texter. He’d text me “Good morning - have a great day!” and sometimes not get back to me until later that evening - which works for me, as I’m a busy person too. I told him I had just moved to the area, and he offered to take me shopping for some house warming gifts after dinner ☺️

The date was very nice, probably the most enjoyable dinner date I’ve had with a POT so far. The conversation was great, as was the food, and he made me feel very comfortable. Afterward, we went to the mall close by. He took me to Pottery Barn and bought me enough items to furnish about 1/2 of my apartment! He got me a recliner, a dining table, a lamp with shelves, and things to fully furnish my bathroom (rugs, shower curtain and liner, shower shelf, trash can, laundry bag). I gave him a peck on the cheek before leaving.

The next day, I asked him for feedback on our first date. He said he thought I was beautiful and that we vibed well together, and that he’d definitely be interested in moving forward with an arrangement. We’d meet weekly, and after our meets, he’d Venmo me $250 - at this point, we hadn’t yet talked about an allowance.

Several weeks into our arrangement, we had eaten at the nice restaurants in my area about once a week, and gone to Cinebistro twice for the movies. He asked me what else I needed for my apartment and sent me a TV stand and a dresser. At this point, I still hadn’t been intimate with him. In fact, to this day, I still have not been intimate with him!

Again, I waited a bit too long to bring up the allowance, but it was brought up much sooner than with Audi. He told me this was technically his first official arrangement. He offered me the same weekly amount he was already giving me for my allowance. I told him I’d calculate my needs and get back to him. A few days later, I asked him for $100 more per week, and he accepted.

Last Sunday, he picked me up in the silver BMW and we had brunch the day before he traveled to the stores in NC. Afterward, I told him that the coat I was wearing had some tears at the seams, and could we stop by the mall to pick up another one? He agreed. He actually enjoyed shopping with me and picked out a purple fur coat for me, which I loved. I asked him if I could browse a jewelry store nearby and he said yes. He picked out a rose gold Michael Kors watch for me and I picked out a diamond ring.

I had sent him my Christmas wishlist a few weeks before, and before dropping me off, he pulled out a gift bag that included AirPods, a European Wax Center gift card, a nail salon gift card, and three store gift cards.

BMW is definitely a very generous gift-giver. I’m now at a point where I’m very comfortable asking him to stop by a store after our lunch or dinner dates. I always stroke his hand and put my hand on his thigh, but I’ve never given him more than two kisses on a given day. Starting next year, I’ll probably bring up intimacy 😉

Many of you who have reached out to me on this blog have commented on how “sweet” I am, which always makes me laugh, because really I’m quite a sociopath. There are only a handful of people on this planet I care about; everyone else I have no problem (and sometimes even enjoy) fucking with or exploiting for my own personal gain. Today I want to cover two strategies I use to get regular men (not sugar daddies) to give me money, summarized by the following two mantras: 1. Trinkets are tools, and 2. Play poor.

I’ve seen posts on Tumblr circulate the notion to never let a man think you depend on him financially because he will take advantage of your vulnerability. This is great advice if you really are in broke city, but if you’re a little flush, it is actually advantageous to hide the fact you are financially comfortable. I am relatively financially stable and I always look expensive, but I make sure everyone around me believes that I’m actually really fucking poor even when I’m not. Men especially like to feel needed, and helping out a “damsel in distress” boosts their egos. Use this to your advantage.

Now, I don’t make myself a charity case because any negativity or pessimism is going to turn off the person I’m talking to. Instead, I always find a way to mention I don’t have health insurance. This is such a genius way of manipulating men that even when I do get health insurance, which will probably be very soon, I’m still going to lie and make sure every man I date thinks I don’t. I subtly mention this very early when I’m getting to know someone, and find ways to bring it up throughout our relationship. That way, later on when I use this card to finesse money out of a man, he has no inkling of suspicion that I’m lying. For example, when the man I met this weekend was telling me about a gruesome back surgery he had a few years ago, I strategically responded by saying, “Wow! That sounds brutal. I hope I never have to get a surgery like that. I don’t have health insurance; I don’t know what I’d do if that happened to me.” I’ll bring this up a couple more times to further solidify in his mind the fact that I unquestionably do not have health insurance. If later down the road I need to spontaneously and rather quickly ask him for a large amount of money for a doctor’s visit, he won’t have any doubts that I’m lying.  Lately, I’ve been pretty annoyed with Alan (who I introduced in this post). He hasn’t been texting me as much, and did not follow up with me about paying for my hair even though he had offered to do so a while ago (which is fine, I got Miami guy to pay for it). He only sent me money once in the month of July, and I was worried that I would no longer be consistently receiving money from him unless I did something soon to re-establish the financial aspect of our unspoken arrangement. As a remedy, I used the dentist appointment I had yesterday to spring into action.

This is where the mantra “trinkets are tools” comes in. See, a lot of these men will at some point give you a really bad gift. It’s a trinket; something trivial and random because they’re trying to be thoughtful. For example, when Ralph went to the Super Bowl this year, he brought me back a red and gold Super Bowl memorability t-shirt. I made the mistake of throwing it away when we broke up, thinking we’d never get back together. BUT I should have kept it because that’s exactly the kind of random, ugly gift that I’m talking about here. 

Before I left for Florida, Alan got me a pair of socks that he thought were cute and made him think of me, because they are patterned with comic book characters fighting each other (which correlates to my love of comic books and kickboxing). I strategically wore those socks to my dentist appointment yesterday so I could take this “silly” photo and send it to Alan, captioned: At the dentist, thinking of you, lol! 

How did Alan respond? He wrote back, “Jajajaja didn’t think u were gonna wear them 😘 ”. Exactly. My. Point. This is why the trinket is so useful! With one photo, I have introduced the fact that I’m at the dentist and I have made Alan feel special and valued. When I left the dentist, I texted Alan that I have a cavity that is going to cost $235 to fix (This is a lie!) and I asked him if he could help me out. Because of the photo I had just sent him, it didn’t seem random or awkward at all for me to be bringing it up. I could have asked for an easy 200 bucks, but I always ask for an amount that doesn’t seem “even.” Why? Because men are likely to round numbers up, so I end up with more money while preserving the impression that I’m not asking for a lot. Alan ended up wiring me $300 without any hesitation.

What I mean by this is, I don’t recommend sharing exactly where your allowance is going. Whether that is your car bills, your rent, your savings, etc. unless they offer to pay for these things directly.

If your financial situation is dire (like mine was when I first started out), they can absolutely leverage that to try to get you to do things you are uncomfortable with, knowing that you are in need and will probably do *anything* to make ends meet.

In my first SD experience, I wrote that I shared my financial situation with him, and he told me I would have to please him sexually for him to take care of my needs. This is what I mean by him leveraging your desperation.

Conversation Examples With Potential Sugar Daddies

This post will be about navigating conversations with POTs, a continuation of my first post on the topic.

For the last two weeks, I have been using SA to see what prospects look like for you ladies/femmes who are using the site. The last time I was on the site was last year, and I wanted to see if things have changed.

Boy, have they.

It used to never take me more than a week to find several great potentials, but things seem to be … even saltier than I remember.

However, I have full confidence that my techniques for navigating conversations work no matter what website is used, because it’s mainly about attracting high-quality POTs and screening out POTs who are not serious, which should work on any site you choose. I did manage to secure a date after about four days.

As written in my first post, the primary purpose of this conversation is to set up a date. It should be written in your profile that if he is interested, he can contact you to set up a date. From this, you’ll be able to immediately tell who has read your profile and who has just gawked at your photos. If he asks for your number or asks you to text him, you should tell him that you prefer to exchange numbers after a date has been set in place. If he begins to small talk, the conversation needs to be firmly redirected to him setting up a date with you.

As written in this post, I never reach out to a SD first. Simply put, it makes you look thirsty and desperate to do so. These were my first five convos on SA. The date I secured wasn’t included here - I’ll share that one in a future post. Each of these convo examples below occurred as a result of a SD reaching out to me first. Locations and phone numbers starred out for privacy, and I’m only sharing a Google Voice #.

Example 1:

POT: you are adorable , visiting **** for a month, care to meet or converse?

Me: Thank you. It looks like my location was auto selected to **** because I visited over the weekend, I am actually in ****. If that distance does not bother you, yes I am glad to meet.

POT: cool . pls call me / text me ***-***-****. my name is ****

Me: In my profile it says I do not exchange contact information unless you have set a date for us. If you are interested in meeting with me and having my number, you will need to set up and plan a date for us to meet.

POT: Ok sure! i will be in ***** from 21st till Dec 15th or so, if u can come to ***** , we can meet for Lunch and of course your time will be paid for and i prefer to do it on 23rd or 24th at my town ! and before i meet up i like to hear your Voice on a skype or snapchat or some way to know that you are indeed a woman , and not a man imposing on behalf of a Women , ! i have seen “few good men” here , i can also prove myslef by sending you a Paypal with my name and email on it !

Me: ** is a far distance from me, so I would prefer if you pay for that transportation upfront, perhaps by purchasing the transportation tickets/Uber for me. If you are willing to do that, then I am happy to meet with you on November 23rd for lunch. And yes, I would like to video chat with you beforehand too. Let me know if that works for you, then I will give you my number so you can contact me before the date.

POT: Yes agreed ! i will send advance payment through online tools by Paypal. See you this weekend.

Me: Okay. My number: ***-***-****

As you can see, it’s clear he didn’t read my profile all the way through since he asked me to text him. But once I explained my stance, he agreed to set up the date immediately. That’s a great sign.

He did call me later that day and confirmed he wanted to continue with the date that weekend. Unfortunately, on the day of, I heard nothing from him, so I left him alone. A man should not need to be reminded of the date he set, and if he does, he was probably not that serious in the first place.

Example 2:

POT: Hey how are you?

Me: Hi, I am well, and you?

POT: I’m good,let’s text offline and see if we want the same thing,what’s your number?

$$$$

Me: My profile states that I do not give out my contact info unless you have set up a date with me. My profile is very detailed and you should have an idea of if we want the same thing by reading it.

After I sent that message, he left me on read. There is no excuse to contact me if you have not even read my profile. You should already know by my profile if we want the same thing, that is kind of the point of having a profile in the first place. This is what I mean by screening - I managed to avoid a time waster. Also, I don’t know what the money signs were for, did he think he had me in the bag or something?

Example 3:

POT: Hey I’m Jay how are you

Me: I am well Jay, how are you?

POT: Good I can’t complain just relaxing

Me: Great. I assume you’ve read my profile and you are messaging me to set up a date, is that correct?

POT: Sounds good

“Sounds good” is the last thing he sent me. What exactly is that supposed to mean? Quit wasting my time and set up the date. This is what I mean by men who are unserious. There is no point of even replying to nudge him to do what he knows he is supposed to do. These men aren’t stupid, they’re mostly just lazy.

Example 4:

POT: Hi, how are you?

Me: Hi, I am well, just got back from the cinema. And you?

POT: I’m cool

What did you see?

Me: I saw Ford vs. Ferrari. Interesting to get a glimpse of the knowledge and technique that goes behind being a racer - I’ll be honest and say I thought racing was just about driving fast, but apparently it’s also about knowing pretty complex internal and external physics and mechanics of cars. Very cool.

POT: Yeah that sounds interesting…yeah physics and mechanics matter lest you crash out or blow an engine

Are you really all the way down in *****?

Me: Indeed I am. I was in **** not long ago though.

POT: You travel often?

Me: I travel with my family about once a year. Other than that, not really, I’m quite a workaholic. I see you have a second location in Port of Spain, are you Trini?

POT: I’m American, but based in Trinidad for work

I travel to *** occasionally for meetings

Do you use WhatsApp?

Me: No I don’t, but I prefer to communicate here until a date has been set up.

POT: Why would I setup a date with you if we’ve never spoken?

Me: Are we not speaking right now?

POT: Hmmm…definite difference between speaking and texting. I understand if you’re uncomfortable speaking over the phone tho

I just tend to lose interest at this point

Me: I agree that there is a difference, however there are also differences between chemistry over text, over the phone, and in person. We could seem to have chemistry over the phone and vibe terribly in person. It is the in-person encounter that matters more.

He leaves me on read after this. First of all, if it takes you only 9 messages to lose interest, there is something seriously wrong with you. Secondly, understand that meeting in person is essential to assessing compatibility. You cannot form a full relationship over the phone. You need to evaluate each other’s body language, manner of speech, and other nonverbal cues present when two people are around each other in person. None of that can be done over text or phone calls. That’s why a date needs to happen soon to avoid a prolonged textlationship, which is a serious waste of time especially if you don’t end up vibing well in person.

Example 5:

POT: How are you doing? Any luck so far?

Me: Good evening, I am doing well, and yes I have been on a few dates. Not my first time on the site, just a new profile since I moved.

POT: Oh. Ok. You still in ****?

Me: Yes.

POT: Ok. Great. I can do long distance.

Me: Are you not in ****?

POT: Yes I m in ****. Some people have multiple locations. Thats why I asked

Me: I see. So you’re a small business owner, that’s awesome. I am freelance, but I am working on eventually becoming full-time.

POT: Nice. I have a full time job for benefits,401k and pension but nothing like being your own boss. Just lucky I can balance both

Me: I do too, trying to balance both and it’s very hard. Not enough time in the day. But I manage.

POT: Same here. To be successful have to make sacrifices but we all need a break and hve fun

Me: I agree. So I’m guessing you’ve taken a look at my profile and are interested in meeting?

POT: Of course I did and I do. I wouldnt have wasted your time if not.

Where in **** are you roughly located and wjat is your typical availablility to meet and also what is it if we wherr to hit it off and wanted to go forward

Me: ****. I’m available most weekday evenings, and weekend afternoons and evenings. I am not sure I understand your last question?

POT: I was jist wo dering your availability which yoi gave ne to make sure we would have time between your schedule and mine.

So when would you like to meet?

Me: I told you my availability, so that’s completely up to you!

POT: Ok. Could we me this evening?

Me: I need at least two days advance. So any day after Friday will work for me.

POT: Ok. Let me check my schedule and see about doing something this weekend

Me: Okay.

He has not reach back out to me. However, I was very pleased with this interaction. He was ready to set up a date, although I would never meet with a POT the day of, as I have discussed in the past (makes you look desperate.)

I have more convos to share including the one that led to a date, so I will do another post soon.

I would like to make the point that just because these convos did not lead to a date, that does not mean my convo techniques don’t work. You cannot force these men to follow through with the date. You can lead the horse to water, but you can’t force it to drink, as the saying goes. These techniques are simply meant to eliminate cheap guys, guys who aren’t serious about a sugar relationship, and guys who are resistant to boundaries (i.e., not sharing my number with men who haven’t planned a date with me.) They aren’t meant to guarantee you a date - that is not up to you or me, it’s up to the men. Men will do whatever they want to do with the people they are serious about. They will either step up if they are serious, or they will get lost if they aren’t. It’s really that simple. 

This is also why you cannot operate from a place of desperation when sugaring - it may take you quite a long time to find a good sugar daddy. You just need to keep at it - eventually, you will indeed get there. Imagine if these useless men had your number and you were spending your entire day “getting to know” all of them - that’s exhausting, and as you can see, it would have led nowhere.

It’s not as easy to find you through their tracking service, but they know where you are and can connect dots through things like wifi pings and purchases.

What to do after you’ve been contacted by someone on a sugar dating site and you want to see if he checks out?

Google his name

Google his name and city he claims to live in together (“John Smith Chicago”)

Google and TinEye Reverse Image Search: Save his photos to your computer, go to images.google.com and upload the photo to search it. Same with TinEye. Image searches only work on non-flipped photos so if you’re not getting any hits then flip the pic on your computer picture preview software and try again

Google his phone number

Search his phone number here: http://www.whitepages.com/reverse_phone

Do spokeo.com searches for his name, number, and email

Google his email address

Optional: Run his email address through various social networking sites. I recommend Facebook, Tumblr, Yelp, and LinkedIn

Google his email ID (ex: “JohnBoy1245” without the @yahoo.com) to see if he uses it as a login on any other sites

Google his sugar dating site screen name to see if he uses it as a screen name on any other sites

If you know where he works check the website for his company and take a look at the employee rosters

Using knowem.com runs his email address (the username, everything before the @ symbol) through every social network, blogging platform, and even dating websites. Even if he has [email protected] and it doesn’t show up on Facebook, he could have used [email protected] and it’ll show up.

Sit down and do this right now. This formula can be used by anyone including strippers & sugar babies

A/B=C

A= your yearly minimum salary - (minus) the minimum amount you need in order to live comfortably for the year. This figure should include taxes, all living expenses, and business related overhead. This amount could be larger or smaller than you imagine, depending on how familiar you are with your own finances.

B= the realistic number of billable hours per week you think you will work, multiplied by the number of weeks in a year you think you’ll work (be sure to include vacation time, or time off if you don’t intend to work during your period). Again, this number might surprise you. If you’re starting out, you have no real idea of how popular you will or won’t be. A goal of one billable hour per day (multiplied by how many days you think you want to work) is a reasonable starting point. If you’re going the high end route, total the number of billable hours per week you think you’ll have, whether with one client or more.

C= minimum suggested hourly rate. Even if you know you want multiple hour appointments, the suggested minimum still applies (multiply the number C by the number of hours in your minimum).

The formula in action:

If your goal is to make $70,000 a year (A) / 250 (B= 5 * 50) = $280. This means your minimum per hour needs to be $280.

$100,000 (A) / 260 (B= 5 * 52) = $385 c

$250,000 (A) / 520 (B= 10 * 52) = $481 c

$250,000 (A) / 320 (B= 8 * 40) = $781 c

The number C is to start you thinking. Your rate structure should not be something you pulled out of thin air or what everyone else is doing. If you want to create a certain image with your rates, then adjust accordingly.

Here’s a quick example of a rate structure: