ᯠ. Ęđđ. Ęâ.á SYNOPSIS: After shooting down Grim Reaper Yang Jungwon's ego, he made sure he would never see you, a Soul Bearer, again. However, when the land is infected with freak accidents that seem too much like murder, everyone around him suggests following the centuries-old prophecy. It would be no problem if it didn't include uniting with the very person that he loathedââYou, and taking a life-altering gamble just to solve who is taking innocent lives. As much as you and him hold a grudge against each other, will duty keep you apart or will they see past each other's differences, and create a spark?
áŻ. Ęđđ. Ęâ WARNING: death, murder, eventual smut (but only 2 scenes lmao and nowhere in the beginning. Individual warnings will be given in the chapter), politics, arranged marriage, lots of angst if I'm honest, MAGIC. MDNI đč.á
áŻ. Ęđđ. Ęâ NOTES: The first chapter is out!!! I took too long to write this but, forgive me, I was deadass having the FATTEST writer's block. And I genuinely don't like some of this chapter. I hope you guys enjoyed it. I got inspired by that one picture, and I decided it was TIME to write a hot, angry Jungwon. Some of the stuff about souls and stuff is based on my own upbringing, but some of it i MADE IT UP. I am going on holiday, but I will try and write the other chapters, too!! ENJOY <3
Not before and especially not now, when everyone in his path repulsed his figure and became one with the walls of the courthouse.
And Yang Jungwon found it was the bare minimum if he wasnât so pissed about todayâs agenda.
Yang Jungwon was a Grim Reaper. Not just any Grim Reaperâhe was the heir to the highest-ranking Lineage of Grim Reapers.
Jungwonâs bloodline assembled the first-ever ancestors that held Death in the palm of their hands and delivered disconnected souls to a place far away. As one can imagine, descendants arrived, they became Reapers and gained top rank by the time other Death Lineages were introduced into the past century.
The lethal reputation was carved into stone, gifted everyone a deep fear around Reapers, and eventually created an expected division among those who didnât have a gifted Lineage.
Alas, Reapers had to do what they had to do.
As the newer century passed, the Grim Reaper AssociationâGRAâhad formed in hopes of organising and documenting the deaths taken, any prompt for investigation, or for court trials.
Yang Jungwon had the last oneâthe least exciting option.
The last thing he wanted to do was debate whether he could do his job of taking a soul. His whole life revolved around knowing when a body was ready for death, not for battling it. Jungwon could read a fading heartbeat when close, so getting a court case was an insult to his work.
In the case, a middle-aged man had a terrible accident and sustained injuries all over, enough for him to fall into the fragile hands of a coma. Six months was the monitoring period for a body to be observed, but after that? Grim Reapers would get involved.
Jungwon had his head straight and was happy to take the soul and gain a rank. But then, a dispute had landed in his office, infuriatingly so.
An abominable dispute challenged his objective. It meant having to go to court and contest whether to pull life support or keep the man steady in sleep.
It dampened his whole week.
Even now, as he left behind the crowd cursing him out at the front, Jungwon strolled by the court walls like it was his crafted path, knowing exactly where to go. The public meant nothing to him because, to them, he was a heartless monster that fed off peopleâs souls.
Of course, Jungwon didnât feed off souls. He had no care for who he took and what happened once he closed the doors, so he really felt all those insults bounce off his back.
He trained for that. Every acidic remark thrown, he learned to wash it off before it could ever burn. He had to. When being the heir to taking over the GRA, it was key to tune out everyoneâs useless opinions and go with his gut. And his gut was where his duty was shaped.
His father, Yang Jihoon, taught him that. He ingrained it in Jungwonâs head. And he was supposed to be here.
The hallway was filled with several court officials talking among clients, but none were his father. Despite the push to learn punctuality, his father never practised it.
Whatever. Jungwon sauntered to his assigned courtroom and pushed the doors open to the grand, brown interior.
There was a raised platform at the front for the judge, two long tables parallel to each other from opposite sides of the room, and the lower gallery consisted of seats arranged in rows until it hit the main door. The upper panel had glass windows to accommodate more secretive observers.
It wasnât empty. Among the lower gallery, a woman who matched the victimâs age sat with her shoulders hunched, eyes cloudy with grief. She looked as if she was curling into a seated, dejected ball. Beside her was an elderly couple, whom he only assumed to be the parents. In a mirroring figure, they leaned on each other, frowns anchored with apprehension.
Jungwon paid them no mind as he sat down, finally setting his eyes on who dared to dispute his claim. Except he paused the stream of thoughts when he saw you.
You sat with perfectly aligned shoulders controlled beneath the smoothest white shirt he had ever seen. Those were tucked into the baby blue skirt reaching the top of your knees. The pleats looked strictly ironed and straight. And he almost scoffed at the white stockings with matching pale blue bows delicately atop your knees like you were pulling attention in the little ways. Your shoes werenât dramatic. They were reserved flats that probably swallowed sounds before they made one.
You didnât stop writing. Your pen flew across the paper, writing some nonsense, he imagined, and didnât take a break. Not even to look at him.
Jungwon slowly frowned a fraction, his own index finger tapping the table methodically as he processed the strict line of your lips and how your eyes simply followed the flow of the ink. It felt unnerving. So, he tapped into your heartbeat.
Easygoing pace with a slight hitch, as if it knew it was being spied on. Jungwon couldnât spot the nervousness on your face if that was what your heart was translating. It confused him, so he glanced to where your right hand was adorned with a spiral of gems coloured baby blue and pink before it shaped a heart, and extended into rings that hugged each finger.
Jungwon tilted his head. On his own fidgeting hand, there was a metal cuff, running with black runes beneath that spoke of the deaths it aided. His own cuff grew out, extended into rings for each finger. It was where his scythe stayed when he didnât want it present. It gravely helped with walking around in public without conjuring fear.
The only difference between him and you was that you were a Soul Bearer.
The exact opposite to who he was.
Instead of taking life, they delivered them; instead of scanning heartbeats, they sensed emotion through the ripple and weight of energy; they also boosted souls and encouraged them back into bodies, bringing colour to cheeks again.
Jungwon loathed them because they brought him here. To this arid courtroom where it reeked of tears and bad news.
It didnât disturb you in the slightest. Uninterrupted, you kept scribing whatever nonsense, possibly breaking down whatever hurdle he was about to chuck your way. As if you knew.
How stupid.
Jungwon halted the finger tapping and opened his laptop, beginning to open his notes and read them with burning eyes. This particular time, he felt like he was going to have to recite everything verbatim to break through that stoic shield of yours.
Eventually, court officials lined the benches, had their notepads out, and the writers were organised. The judge had her glasses on, making everyone rise before it all commenced.
A flicker brewed in Jungwonâs nerves, making his fingers dance again. Cooling it down, he stood and walked around to present his argument. Only then did you meet his gaze.
Oh, you had this stupidly sweet gaze, scanning him so thoroughly as if he was a dream all in your head. But his feline eyes were heavy with his own judgement as it carved into your skin, taking in your features for memory. Finally, you surrendered back to rewriting the ink on your paper.
Jungwon refrained from a smug smirk and faced the judge instead of the grieving family. He learned the hard way that facing the gallery earned a strong tide of glares as a Grim Reaper.
âI will repeat the rule for everyone that the hospital has set forth,â Jungwon said, not bothering to face you, who probably knew this fact already. âThe hospital has a six-month period where the patient is monitored while comatose. After that, Grim Reapers are allowed to take the soul once it reaches six months.â
Someone sniffled in the room, and pens scribbled on paper.
âUnder the Grim Reaperâs Association, I argue that keeping him in the hospital will not benefit him any further.â He cast a final look at the judge. The heartbeats around him practically hammered with disagreement and hidden insults, but Jungwon sat back down and let his words sink in.
Logical and curt. His very way of working.
The counterargument started with you. The flats made no sound, gaze drifting to the crowd rather than to him. A tactic he found didnât work in his favour. For you, however, the elderly couple and wife had a sparkle in their teary eyes. In your hand was a pen, thumb repeatedly rubbing the lid to occupy your nervous tick.
Your heartbeat, he found, was still being restrained with great effort.
âMr Kim suffered several injuries in the car accident,â you began, the cadence of your voice reserved, a practised path with no gaps between. âHowever, over the months, he has displayed great improvement. His wounds are healing, and his vitals are stable.â
Repeating the caseâalso another strategy you put forth to remind everyone why you werenât the âbadâ one here.
âHis soul, as Reapers and Bearers can see, is still connected to him. Keeping him alive is a perfect opportunity to encourage his soul to return to the body. We have a specialised ward for it, which my family primarily work in,â you explained, growing more firm. Then, you finally hooked your attention on him, your thumb now harshly digging into the ridge of the pen lid.
His gaze was obsidian and endless, and staring would only lose your train of thought. Apart from his subtle frown, you squared your shoulders a little and faced the contempt sewn into his brows.
âI agree that six months is the observational period; however, with Mr Kimâs improvement, he can gain a sense of his soul again. It is the last step,â you said, trying very hard to stay on his gaze. It was like a black flame that you had never seen before, but you were too afraid to explore.
Jungwon didnât move to make a note. He was too busy dealing with your hidden audacity to spell this case out for him with baby steps. He understood all of this, of course, but keeping a corpse in a ward was hardly productive. The thought was cruel and strict, but he knew nothing other than that.
âFor patients that do not improve, it is another situation entirely. For Mr Kim, it is a chance. And, I think his family would be pleased that this last step is the one to take, and the one that could break his coma.â You finally swerved gazes to the judge, smiling a little before sitting down.
Jungwon felt like your argument wasnât even much. It was a few sentences bedazzled with empathy before being given to the gallery and court officials to write.
His heart began to drum with animosity. It was a speed he couldnât chain back, and it ran against his ribs. Not because you were better, but because he felt as if everyone else was going to side with you. There was no jury, but he had a gut feeling that wrapped ivy around his spine.
No. He shoved that whole feeling beneath soil and mentally stomped on it. You were just a glorified empath.
As the minutes ticked on, you and Jungwon were heaving arguments back and forth. You, however, had thorns gradually growing in your tone. Each piece he gave, you returned it with another sharp counterattack, and you were growing sulky, even. He had focused too much on the sunken brows that aided your frustration with him, and the way you met his gaze head-on with a crash when talking back to him.
That initial restrained heartbeat was slower now, but burned strong with annoyance.
âIf he wanted to come back to his body, his soul wouldâve returned and awakened him.â
âA wound does not heal so easily either.â
âThere are no specific steps to bring a soul back except by healing. And there is no guarantee there either.â Jungwonâs gaze narrowed.
âLord Yang, what benefit does taking a soul away do other than giving you an increase of rank?â You glared at him, all soft fury with a tone that skidded against his ears. Your heartbeat fluttered, sinking once more with the light downturn of your lip.
Jungwon had his comment ready. Leaning forward with those feline eyes full of hollow understanding, he spoke.
âLady Sim, I would love to give a lecture on my job and how it helps our nation, but the hour is coming to an end. All I have to say is that I abide by the rules given.â He sat back with his relaxed, intertwined fingers on his lap, smug. âThat is the strongest argument one can give.â
That last comment forced you to avert your burning eyes to the ink on the page, recalling the calm strokes you had written before getting all worked up.
Recess arrived shortly after that. It was a thirty-minute period that allowed Jungwon to sit in a room with bare, cream walls, a few couches, and a huge window broadcasting bobbing flowers and a trickling fountain in silence.
All too idyllic for such a place adopting stress, he thought.
The door opened behind the armchair he rested on.
âSon!â His fatherâs voice flinched him from the calm petals.
âFather.â Jungwon nodded. Jihoon was slightly taller and wore the routine blue blazer and pants with a jolly stroke of colour on his face. His features were a frame for innate joy and twin dimples.
âSoul Bearer case?â Jihoon asked, sitting down opposite Jungwon.
To that, he nodded, the initial exasperation filling his head with aggravating smoke. âA waste of time, really?â
âSheâs just doing her job, Son.â
âTaking up hospital beds with corpses is not productive in any sense,â Jungwon corrected, flexing his cuffed hand as if he could imagine his scytheâs hunger for a soul. Calming that pang into a gentle ache, Jungwon sighed, staring once more at the silent nature outside.
âDonât be envious, Won. It is not a good sight on you.â
âI always look like this.â Jungwon raised a bitter brow.
âExactly.â Jihoon raised his brows in return, making Jungwon realise that his parental figure was not so serious about this. Jungwon wished he could be as loose, but that was all before when expectations werenât premature, and when duty had a schedule.
âI was watching,â Jihoon added impishly.
âYou did?â Jungwon inquired. That didnât help alleviate the pressure to win.
âOf course. I wouldnât miss it,â he replied, face turning a little brave as he spared a glance at Jungwon. âAnd, I must say, she is quite a matchââ
âFather,â Jungwon said with a deep, contemptuous sigh. âNot this again.â
Jihoon pursed his lips, trying very hard to choose his words without it blowing a fuse in the process. âI never said anything about the prophecy.â
âYou were thinking it,â Jungwon exclaimed, gesturing wildly with a single hand. âYou made that face.â
âI did not.â
âYou did. You did that stupid thing with your lips,â Jungwon pointed out, eyes shiny with pins of refusal. Jihoon broke into a sigh.
âCan you blame me? You are the heir to the highest-ranking Death Lineage, and Lady Sim Y/n happens to be the highest-ranking Soul Bearer,â Jihoon explained, voice lowering from that joy to something stern. âI did my research in the session.â
Jungwon wasnât having it as his cuffed hand flexed into a fist, determined to cling to his refusal. âYou are depending on a centuries-long prophecy that has barely come to fruition. What makes you think it is me and⊠her?â
âYou two are alike,â Jihoon countered.
âWe absolutely are not!â Jungwon argued, suddenly on his feet. It was probably getting late. Desperate to escape his dad, he glanced at the clock and walked with relief when he noticed that recess was coming to an end. He yanked the door open.
âI need to go, Father. The Judge would have declared a verdict now.â
âI will come with you,â his father said, already on his feet and out the door before Jungwon could blink.
As Jungwon watched his jolly father walk further away, he prayed that he would win.
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
JUNGWON LOST.
The Judge kept going with his announcement. Jungwon was sure he hadnât heard it right, but then he glanced at the family cooped in the one row flooded with relief. They had burst to their feet, rushed to the barrier, and began to thank you profusely.
A heavy denial wedged in between his ribs and stayed like a sore thumb. However, he had the habit of watching.
You smiled gently at the family, shaking their hands. Underneath, your heartbeat was a swift flutter of disbelief and happiness all at once. It began to soar while Jungwonâs heart found the common, raging rhythm, bumping with that wedge of incredulity that the verdict stabbed him with.
You dipped your head to the family, barely glanced at Jungwon, and then smiled at the Judge. As quick as that, you slipped through the staff door, disappearing like smoke after setting his whole mind on fire.
What just happened?
Jungwon hadnât failed ever since his first trial. And that was when he was of ageâeighteen. Back then, he had been under the brunt of every learned rule, every cold emotion at his first trial. Ultimately, the lack of balance had tipped him off the scale, making his delivery messy.
He had learned from that. The mistakes were studied, then erased from history because he didnât lose one after that. Some trials consisted of investigations rather than tangling with the publicâs hearts. Regardless, he had a vow.
He never lost.
Now, it was unravelling because of you. A crack in the canvas.
Jungwon stormed into the hallway, pins pricking his spine that made him want to swallow a cigarette so he could numb his blood. His father appeared by his side, matching his furious pace.
They reached the glass exit to the sprightly city where, beyond the tree line, the city bustled under a clear, blue sky. People wandered in or out of the courthouse, navigating their own proficient jobs and lives.
Jihoon stopped Jungwon from abusing any more of the floor by hooking a gentle hand on his shoulder. âYou are taking this too harshly.â
Jungwon loathed that tone. It was bubble wrap for delicate situations, but Jungwon was not that. He preferred it if his father told him off for losing. He needed that lash of discipline.
âItâs not a success, is it?â Jungwon asked, sardonic as he met his fatherâs searching gaze.
âIt was not totally useless,â Jihoon said, resigned. Jungwon glared at his fatherâs gabble.
âYou are hopeless. This prophecyââ
âAre you saying it is fake?â Jihoon raised a brow.
Jungwon stayed silent, his jaw clenching gradually, teetering between telling his father off or being respectful. Then, he thinned his lips, glancing outwards again.
âI didnât say that.â
The prophecy his father was infatuated with was made by a man centuries ago, claiming that two opposites would unite. Specifically, it was Life and Death. And when they did have a union, it would unlock a secret ability.
What that ability wasânobody knew.
So, it was a dangerous gamble.
âI just think that being too optimistic about something so old will do no good. Save those prayers for useful things. It could have been for my trial, but that did not come true,â Jungwon said, tilting his head with knives glinting in his eyes.
Then, before his father could stop him, Jungwon descended the stairs to where his car pulled up. Black and sleek with tinted windows when the sun was too much.
âYou never know!â Jihoon said, chasing after him.
Jungwon entered the car and closed it in his fatherâs face.
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
âA little birdie told me you won against Death himself.â
Your brother, Jaeyun, was following around with sparkles for eyes, fluffy hair, and a bright smile. However, you had no time for him right now.
Currently, you were working a shift in the Healerâs ward of the hospital, holding your tablet at the reception counter. It was fairly quiet for now, but you knew someone was bound for an emergency, and you needed your mind set before it happened. It was a trait grown through months of doing this profession.
Jaeyun wasnât helping when he was constantly reminding you of that court trial. It was such a dream. Sure, you had delivered a stitched explanation, but beneath the mask, you were made of loose seams and tattered explanations. Usually, doing court trials didnât bring erratic nerves, but Yang Jungwon was a star in the universe of court trials. So, finding out you were against him had forced all your thoughts to be shot clean.
âDonât ignore me, Y/nie,â he said, leaning on the counter next to your tablet.
âWho was your birdie?â You asked, sparing a swift glance, but scrolling harder on the screen, barely reading the words.
âMy husband,â Jaeyun answered with a pearly smile.
That halted your scrolling, shooting a bewildered gaze at your brother. âPlease stop calling Heeseung that.â
Jake grinned, adjusting his glasses. âNope! Heeseung is my friend, brother, and husbandââ
Your brows sank with a thousand confused questions. âBrother and husband?â
âTrust me. Heeseung wouldnât even mind,â Jake affirmed before his gaze was over your shoulder, eyes lighting up with recognition.
Heeseung had burgundy hair flopping around his sweet, doe-brown eyes where starry thoughts were born. He wore the same, neutral uniform, white and baby blue, and his wand, which had been in his hand, began to crumble into a magic mist and slither back into a cuff atop his wrist. He leaned on the same counter your crisis was short-circuiting.
âI heard my name,â Heeseung said, leaning beside you. You frowned.
âYou told Jake about my trial? You were there?â You asked sulkily.
âI was actually in the upper panel. I told them I was a past client that felt too grateful to skip a trial,â Heeseung said proudly, brows raising. Jake was easily impressed, but you scoffed, nudging Heeseung with a soft palm.
âYou could have told them you were my friend?â
âI like the back storyâthe flair it gives me,â he replied, chuckling. Both men laughed at either side of you. It was disgustingly romantic.
âFine. I battled Lord Yang,â you began quietly, remembering the dips of anxiety you had fallen into through the court session.
âYou make it sound like he tried to take you out with his scythe,â Jake mused, impish.
âIt felt like it,â you shot back, nudging Jake away as he grinned like a daisy.
âYou actually did really well. I couldnât tell you wanted to die,â Heeseung commented casually. He recalled the sediments of control fueled into your straight posture, the tone of metal certainty, and your perfect reasoning. It was a win, he thought.
While you could tick the good points of the whole thing, Jungwonâs midnight glare distanced you the whole time. In fact, you were glad your skin was still intact after the whole thing. Mainly because you had lost the anxious edge in the last quarter of that argument. The rage shielded it.
Getting that exact verdict had switched the apprehension back on. You had never packed so quickly in your life.
âI never want to do that again. Nor meet him,â you admitted, rubbing the side of your head to erode the memory.
Heeseung made a sound of disagreement, crossing his arms like he just pulled a memory back into vision. You and Jake both glanced hastily.
âWhat?â You said, a twinge of horror twisting in your voice.
âSenior Lord Yang, his dad, by the way, was sitting across me in the upper panel. And he kept looking at you, Y/n,â Heeseung explained, eyebrows wiggling suggestively with a goofy grin.
This was going somewhere awful already. âSo?â
âDonât you know who Dada Yang is?â Heeseung asked, brows furrowed in a sudden second.
âDonât call him that, Seung.â You grimaced.
Jake completely ignored you. âDada Yang is the top Lord of Death. Lord Jungwon is his only heir as of now. And he is of age.â He glanced at your increasingly gloomy face. âLord Yang Jungwon is twenty-two.â
âAnd you are twenty-one,â Heeseung said like clockwork. This just went downhill easily.
Their talk made your smile stiff, the appreciation for their stupid facts dying on the spot. âGuysââ
âYou could be the oneââ Jake tried to say.
You slammed a tempered hand on the counter, flinching both Jake and Heeseung out of their seesaw of a conversation. Both turned with bewildered gazes, clearly lacking your perspective. You straightened with locked shoulders and exasperated brows.
âNo. I am not the âoneâ, okay?â You began quietly. âQuoting something so old and ridiculous is out of the question. You sound like our parents,â you chastised Jake, picking up your tablet.
It completely flew over Jakeâs head. âY/n, you canât deny that this could be real. We deliver souls to pregnant women with wands. I donât think anything is too âridiculousâ.â
âHow many times have Soul Bearers and Grim Reapers tried to come together, only for the lineages never to come to fruition?â You asked them, tablet held with paling knuckles. When you received silence, you resolutely continued. âRight. There has not been any circumstance like that. Because of that, there was never a successful union.â
Heeseung and Jake stayed silent, slowly deflating from their sky-high ideas. Mischief, however, danced in Jakeâs eyes as he leaned on the counter. You sulked.
âYou never know!â
âJake!â
He put his hands up in surrender. âIâm saying the truth!â
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
THE PARKS WERE A CONSTANT PRESENCE IN JUNGWONâS MANOR.
Specifically, Park Jongseong, who was witty and goal-oriented; those qualities clashed with his premature trigger that would act before he fully thought.
With him were his parents. Lady Somin and Lord Sehyun were a constant force existing throughout his life. For as long as Jungwon could remember, the Parks were a second set of parents from another tree. They were so closely entwined with the Yangs that they lived only yonder from the Yang Manor, separated simply by a cobblestone path.
Today, everyone gathered for tea in the Yang garden. It was behind the glorious manor that stood like a palace, underneath a cream marquee where manicured foliage was shaped up pillars, and where petals learned to keep off the path.
There was no use in these mundane tea moments. So, he was looking through some documentation on his tablet, still boiling from the court case from a week ago. He hadnât seen you again, and hoped it would stay like that.
The tablet was suddenly snatched out of his arms. Jungwon jumped momentarily before snapping his eyes up, only to soften when he saw his beamy mother.
âWon Bon, you know there is no work talk at tea time,â she chastised gently, her voice the weight of petals. She faced the tablet down on the table.
Lady Jiwon, his kind and sensitive mother, was someone he couldnât defy.
âSorry, Mother,â he murmured. Jiwon smiled a sweet thing before sitting next to him. He could never get anything past her these days. Not even work.
Tea time was a sacred time where family bonded. It was her routine to gather everyone around this white-clothed table and talk about the most recent treasures of their lives. But the treasures were boring life events.
The glass doors to the garden opened, revealing Jihoon talking to the Parks with troubled voices.
Lord Sehyun wore something casual and meaningful, with his clean shirt and pants; Lady Somin wore her smooth gown with pin-straight black hair; Jongseongâs hair was loose, wearing all black, like Jungwon.
âSomin, was my husband keeping you late again?â Jiwon doted sweetly with a pearly smile.
Somin scoffed, subtly jabbing a thumb in her husbandâs direction. âIt is not all yours. My husband and Son are the same. They talk about work everywhere.â
âJust like Won Bon!â Jiwon exclaimed, nodding at Jungwon. The nickname was embarrassing despite being a source of warmth. He never told her off for it anymore. The last time he told her not to, she did it again in the next breath.
He acknowledged the Parks with a casual, murmured greeting. Then, everyone sat down in their designated spaces, letting maids pour beverages into ceramics before being left alone. His fatherâs frantic heartbeat was chasing something unknown, too panicked to be about something unserious. The tension tangled his fatherâs brows, and Jungwon couldnât quite figure it out.
âWhat happened?â Jungwon asked first.
Jongseong quirked a half-impressed smile. âAs diligent as ever.â He leaned in, some of that amusement draining away. âThere have been bodies found near the border. And, Iâm seeing a pattern.â
There had been a few souls he himself picked up before the GRA collected the body, but all that was on his confiscated tablet. From memory, the people that died had done so in freak accidents: a crushed skull here, an impaled body somewhere else, and all away from the heart of the city to where rurality made most of the location.
âI remember recording such,â Jungwon said, lifting his gaze thoughtfully. âI thought they had normal causes, non-suspicious, that is.â
âI know.â Jongseong hummed. âBut all of them are near the borders. Suicide, accidentsâbut they all died near the same place.â
Good observation. The only detail was: where was Jongseong leading with this?
âWhat are you suggesting? Murder?â Jungwon asked, incredulous almost.
âItâs what the evidence dictates,â Jongseong affirmed, tension slithering into his brows. Another detail stabbed Jungwon out of the ludicrous conclusion.
Most of the people who died had nothing special to their name. They were people who barely belonged to a magical Lineageâwere normal workers. They werenât from the top of the economy or society.
âThose who died had completely normal lives. Who would want to murder them?â Jungwon let the question break the âno-workâ talk and displease his mother. She had gone quiet, but distaste radiated out of her tightly crossed arms.
âIf it is murder, we need to investigate,â Jihoon said, tone dipping with worry.
Jongseongâs eyes gleamed with an idea. âI could ask the foreign bordering land,â he suggested. Jungwon hadnât even processed it before Somin was nodding enthusiastically.
âThat is smart. I have researcher friends on the other side. Fire Lineages,â she said, laying down the plan. âI have been meeting them a lot. They would happily house you, Jongie.â
Jungwon had one tiny protest. That proposition was based on no leads, motive, or even victims, as dark as it sounded. It was crossing a road blind for an inevitable car crash before the investigation even began.
âBefore that,â Jungwon interrupted the Parksâ shared epiphany, âwe need to check the areas and find clues. If it is a cause for concern, we can get the court involvedââ
âSpeaking of court,â Jongseong said, whipping his eyes towards Jungwon with mischief. He leaned forward, grinning in a way that made Jungwon rub his one temple. âYou lost it against Soul Bearer Lady Sim!â
There it was. Jungwon exhaled something close to snapping as the Parks practically leaned over their spaces, gasping with too much curiosity for their own good. The avalanche of questions hit him instantly.
âI have heard of Lady Sim,â said Sehyun.
âShe was impressive against our Jungwon,â his father rejoiced with celebration.
âWon Bon did well,â his mother chimed with glittering praise.
âSomeone as powerful as her matchesââ Jay had tried to say before Jungwon abruptly stood, eyes of oblivion icing each of their excited interjections into a stunned silence. Then, he slowly exhaled again.
âWe are not going to talk about the prophecy.â Jungwon stabbed a stare into each person. âWe are going to have tea and forget this conversation ever came up.â
He was embarrassed to say the least. His ego had taken a step down a huge ladder, and that was enough to crumble his sense of duty.
Jiwon slithered over the icy defence and tugged him back to his seat. Obedient, he did, but her lips were in a slight pout.
âWon Bon, we can not reject that prophecy. It is important. A tradition almost,â she explained, voice somehow flattening the jagged refusal frozen in his chest.
âI know,â he said with a sigh. âBut centuries have passed, and nothing has flourished from it. Quite frankly, I am beginning to deny it.â
The table became smoky with a suffocating silence that drifted from his brittle confession. In that moment, Jiwon sent a desperate plea to her husband via their gazes. Jihoon exhaled, leaning forward with steepled fingers on the table.
âLook, Jungwon, it may not come true. I know. But if tension rises and we need a new ability, then it is going to have to be an option,â he declared in the voice that directed junior reapers to be merciless. Jungwon felt the small part of him shrink under his gaze.
He was of age. He always shaped himself for whatever form duty came as. But, marriage? To the person who sliced his ego within hours? It was a disturbing revelation he couldnât settle with.
Marriage itself scared him. Having to care and tend to someone other than himself. The furthest he doted on someone was his mother and father. If anything happened to them, it would be a failure of his whole existence.
The prophecy sat on his mind, perched like a crow ready to pick at him at a ready moment.
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
IT HAD BEEN NINE DAYS SINCE YOU WON AGAINST JUNGWON IN THAT TRIAL.
Ever since then, you were working shift after shift. That had only been because there was an influx of bodies coming in, and then dying a few hours later when no one could save them. Grim Reapers came and went, and that had been the reminder of what you had won, and who you had shot down.
It was normal for Reapers to come to the ward you worked in, but there had been a cluster at the beginning of the week, discussing in a secret huddle before departing the Healerâs ward again. Not a single word to you. And even your parents were sceptical as to why they kept coming and going.
Today was a Sunday and still an awfully productive day.
The Healerâs ward had pale blue walls, warm lights sprinkling down the rooms, and beds kept together with a curtain separating each other. The beds had referred, unconscious patients sleeping on them, their souls on a clear display for Bearers.
One man had just been wheeled into the curtain section, and you were there, scrolling on your tablet, examining his details. The man was in his twenties, had a clean-cut wound to his side, which was thankfully stitched up before the manâs condition deteriorated, and he was very much passed out.
But not dead. His soul, in your eyes, was a flickering ball of smoke that glowed silver and blue, floating over the man like it was confused. It connected to the main by a wispy string that emerged from his chest.
Placing the tablet down, you conjured your wand from your right hand, the bracelet shifting colours until it formed. Your wand was pale blue and pink, bedazzled with shimmering gems climbing the wood until it hit the core. There, two clear bands spanned to a heart shape, which had wisps shifting within them. At the centre of the heart, a pink mist gem glowed with life even in shadows.
You had just about clutched it when a cold prickle suddenly arose at the back of your neck. In an instant, you whipped around and flinched as Jungwon appeared like lightning.
In all his glory, he stood over you with broad shoulders fitted in his charcoal Reaper attire, silver adorning his torso in small chains. His hair was wavy, falling just above his feline gaze where obsidian sat heavily with scrutiny, taking you in wholly. He held a scythe as tall as him, sharp-bladed and curved at the top, while the snath had a glassy texture with shadowy storms shifting underneath.
You swallowed, clutching your wand like a weapon at your tight chest. âLord Yang?â You forced your shoulders to deflate.
Jungwon didnât blink as he tried to match your initial encounter to the one right before him. Except, he was confused because they didnât match at all.
âLady Sim.â He nodded once without straying from the scrutiny.
He was still judging you, you noted.
âCan I help you with anything? You are in the Healerâs ward,â you said, steadying your voice from the initial icy anxiety. Jungwon raised an amused brow as he noted your nervous tics that jumped into your heartbeat.
How did he lose to you, he wondered.
âYes. I assume you noticed the bodies coming into the hospital?â He asked, gaze travelling over the man behind you, and past the curtains, counting the exact number in this room alone without seeing them. His scythe was practically fuelling the innate urge to take the souls already.
Jungwon was a Grim Reaperâhe couldnât be blamed.
You nodded, trying to connect the dots. âYes. I assume you know something?â
âThere have been a few accidents recently. All around the border and without explanation. They died without witnesses and under abnormal circumstances,â he explained, nudging his chin to the man over your uniformed shoulder. The soul, to Jungwon, was a sphere carrying dark, shifting mist that he could gauge the weight of. More weight meant the soul bore too much to stay alive.
Jungwon wished it was, but you were right there with sympathy that he couldnât be bothered to understand.
âSo, are they victims of the same crime?â You asked curiously.
âFrom what I can see, possibly. Lord Jongseong and I are in charge of the case, but there hasnât been much progress.â He stepped closer to the man, and you followed until you and he faced the victim. âI can never seem to get an actual statement. A very empty file, you could imagine.â
âYou want to question him, then?â You inquired, wand already gleaming in your palms. Jungwon stood just at your shoulder, scythe distanced, and gave a simple nod for the go.
The tip of your wand levelled with the flickering, misty sphere, connecting to the threads of magic reaching your fingertips. The soul flickered again, hooking onto the wandâs core as you steadily guided it towards the manâs chest. The light disappeared into him, colour flourishing through his skin once more as you retracted your wand. The heart monitor was stable. You watched the manâs face intently for the slightest action.
After a few seconds, the manâs eyes fluttered open to the hospital ceiling with a foggy gaze. You were a blob of colour above him, shifting back to give him space. That movement itself exposed Jungwon and his friend. The mist left his vision when the dark, metal scythe undeniably came into view like an unsaid threat.
His eyes shot wide with panic, screaming.
Jungwonâs brows sank with offence. You gently pushed the man back into the bed, trying to hush his terror from reaching the other sleeping patients.
âSir, youâre in the hospital,â you said over his pitchy breaths. He sputtered, pointing a shaky finger in the same direction, and you realised he was terrified of the scythe.
Jungwon was stony, not seeing the problem. You shot a desperate look.
âCan you put that away?â You asked deftly, shoulders deflating.
Jungwon sighed at the hindrance, but let the scythe fall to dark dust that ran up his fingers and formed the cuff again. Crossing his arms, totally unimpressed, he approached the cowering man hiding behind his blanket.
You rolled your eyes. Empathy wasnât one of Jungwonâs pillars.
âLord Yang is only here to question you,â you assured the man, peeling the blanket back a little. Instantly, he pulled it back to his chin, staring with wide, unbridled fear at Jungwon.
âSo⊠Iâm not dying?â He croaked.
âNo, Iâm not here for that,â Jungwon spoke, his voice a low tone of ridicule. âI need a statement from before you passed out.â
The man swallowed hard, eyes fluttering profusely as he sorted through the memories. Even then, there was a foggy confusion in place as he slumped into the bed. His anxiety practically rippled over your skin like a tide.
âI was taking a walk. I l-live near that path. I always took that path. And then, I felt something cold when I was about to enter the forest area.â He shuddered, eyes screwing shut as he relived the pain. âSomething hit me from behind. And then⊠I woke up here.â
An attack, clearly. Aside from his initial theory of string suicides, this was the first person with an alternate reason. He wasnât exactly relieved because if someone were having it out for random civilians, then fear would erupt from every corner of the land. On the other hand, keeping it a secret was just as dangerous.
âWe shall let you rest, Sir,â you said softly before picking up your tablet and exiting his space. You drew the curtain shut behind Jungwon as he followed.
It was just you and him now.
His hand flexed, gaze drifting to the rest of the curtains within the room. A soul was dying. He knew you could feel it too. For you, it was a spark switching off in the circuit of your chest.
Jungwon glanced with a tinge of mockery. âCan I take the soul for death?â He asked, tilting his head in this infuriatingly smug way.
âYes, you can,â you replied, voice sharpening. âI do, however, think you are a bit salty, Lord Yang.â
Your brief boldness stirred something in his hollow gaze. Straightening to his height, Jungwon returned your haughty stare with a burning one of his own. âSalty? No, I just want to do my job, Lady Sim.â He leaned in slightly, making you tip your chin to follow his mirrored stubbornness. âYou wound me.â
Before you could react to his vain words, he walked past like a shadow, leaving you there with your own breath caught in the web of your chest.
What an asshole.
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
THE PARKS DID NOT HAVE GOOD NEWS.
âLady Yunah threatened you?â Jungwon sighed, trying to decrypt what Lady Somin was doing. His fingers dug into the side of the armchair, anxiety brewing in small doses. Methodically, his index finger tapped the fancy fabric. âI thought it was a friendly talk?â
Somin sighed, sitting opposite Jungwon and his parents. âIt was. But, you know how impulsive Jay is,â she explained with prickling guilt. It wasnât good enough. He jeopardised a whole route Jungwon planned, and now, he had to craft another as if the week wasnât busy enough.
âIt sounded like an accusation, I have to admit,â she said, fiddling with her Reaper cuff snug on her wrist. She was here alone since Jongseong was still in the foreign land of fire and water, out for investigations.
Jungwon didnât bother to focus on that. What he was focusing on was how the foundations of this murder case were already crumbling before he started.
Jiwon, beside him, tutted despite the softness brimming in her eyes. âSominâŠâ
âI know. They did not appreciate it, obviously, and denied having anything to do with it,â she explained, gaze dipping with worry.
âSo, we have gotten nowhere,â Jihoon clarified, voice also flooded with exasperation, rubbing his one temple.
It was nothing. After a week of potential murder victims, the only scrap Jungwon collected was the short statement that added nothing to the bigger picture. He had dust in his case file. Nothing was coming together.
The talk went bad as well. Tensions were arising. Jungwon felt the proposition ghost over the room before anyone said it. His guts twisted.
âWe still have the prophecy,â Somin reminded meekly.
There it was. Exhaling with denial bolted into his words, he spoke. âThere must be other options other than diving straight into marriage?â
âJungwon, what else can be done?â Somin interjected the way a mother would scold a child and harshly steer them in a direction. The sympathy was a feather in her gaze, and it reached his parents, tickling them into a contemplative silence.
He tensed, disbelief striking his spine into a straight pin.
âMother, Father, you cannot be considering marriageââ
âSonâŠâ Jihoon began in a tone that corroded the walls of his confidence. âIt has almost been two weeks since the murders have arisen in the city, and there is not one lead. Most of the victims are dead, there are no witnesses, and CCTV were absent in all places.â
Jungwonâs refusal and panic intertwined into a tight noose as he saw the direction of this. They were agreeing with Somin and the drastic jump to such a resolution. Contempt pricked him like shards. They always had to let the Parks have a say in a decision and colour the bigger picture where Jungwon didnât need them.
âWhat if you had a union with⊠Lady Sim, and unlocked an ability to help solve this?â Jihoon suggested, creeping into territory that had Jungwon clenching his jaw.
âIt is a gamble, Father,â Jungwon interjected, exhaling another stream of trapped protests.
âI know that, Son. But what if it worked? It would not be so bad,â Jihoon remarked with a softness that was overridden by Jungwonâs flaming disagreement.
Jiwon softly touched Jungwonâs arm, rubbing encouragement into his elbow. Jungwonâs gaze dipped before he could burn his family to ashes.
âEven if the prophecy does not work, you are of age, Jungwon,â said Somin. Jungwon chained his curt gaze to the table rather than the Park sitting before him, trying to convince him that this was normal. âAnd those bodies can be stored in my husbandâs freezer at the GRA mortuary.â
Jungwon nodded on the outside. On the inside, he wanted to die, but unfortunately for him, Grim Reapers held an inhuman strength that shielded them from Death.
âWon Bon, donât be so upset. Lady Sim could introduce a whole new perspective to you. And I would get a daughter!â Jiwon assured, smiling gently. Jungwon stiffened at those words. Ice hammered into his ribs, making it harder to breathe as he shut his eyes in the silence. Until his sternum cleared, he swallowed hard as it passed.
Jungwon had a duty, and this was his next one.
â
YOU WERE RUNNING.
Running from your parents, that was.
Through the winding hospital halls and bewildered patients, you just about made it to the reception when your mother snagged your elbow. It sent you yelping as she hauled you to the counter. On your other arm, your father steadied you and didnât let go. Both were breathing hard, disbelief staining their usual understanding.
âSim Y/n! How dare you run from your own parents?!â She exclaimed, thoroughly out of breath as she placed a hand on her chest.
âIt is not my fault when you are chasing me with an absurd proposal!â You frowned, shooting both of them an exasperated look. You tried to keep quiet, but your panic was clearly crossing the boundaries. âOf course, I am going to run!â
âThe Yangs contacted usââ
âAnd?â You retorted sharply, tugging at your arms, but they were stuck. âYou are listening to them over your own daughter?â You scoffed incredulously.
Both of your parents sighed in unison. Your mother was the one to huff. âYou are worse than Jaeyun at listening.â
You gaped. âI am notââ
âThe point is, Y/n, you are of age, the prophecy exists, and they sent us a proposal to meet,â your father interfered with your useless argument.
âDepending on a prophecy is a silly reason to wed. This is my life,â you bristled, voice dropping into deep lament, eyes desperate. It wasnât fair that they were unleashing this on you.
Your mother released your arm with a sigh to tuck a strand behind your ear. âI know, my love, but you are the highest-ranking Soul Bearer of age. I would advise Jake, butâŠâ Your mother trailed off, giving an uncertain sideways glance.
âHe likes Heeseung?â You sulked.
âYes, heâs hopeless.â Your father sighed. âHe must have been bewitchedââ
âYoon Darling,â your mother chastised with a sideways glare. Your father nodded, but that thought was still clouding his mind.
âJust give it a chance. Meet him, see if there is something, and if there isnât, then weâll let it go,â she explained, doing nothing to convince you. The anxiety still lingered around your chest, prickling you with everything that could go wrong.
Then came the thought that you werenât just a daughter anymore. You also had to act your part of the duty no matter how much you didnât want to. It was just that marriage was a level up from where you were now.
There was nothing you could do. Not when your parents were still stringing along this expectation so you could follow. Well, if meeting Jungwon, who was too salty for his own good, was the solution, then you had to try.
ââ âź ê°àŠ à»ê±ËËË âż
THE YANG ESTATE WAS TOO BIG.
It wasnât anything you hadnât seen before. Your own home was lavish and generous with its high ceilings and comfortable warm tones, but this was another level of luxury.
Jungwonâs home was different shades of golden and cream.
You and your family were sitting in a huge lounge with yellow patterned walls, with five floor-to-ceiling windows letting in the noon sunshine. The room was adorned with drawers and tables of delicate little knick-knacks that probably were touched once in their entire lifespan, and the camelback couch you were sitting on had pillows softer than a single feather.
You could feel it behind your back right now. Under your ivory dress with green embroidered leaves on the bodice, you marvelled at how soft everything was here. The dress you wore had fluttering sleeves that rippled down your legs, intricate lace details drawing attention to you like a cloud lone in a blue sky.
You didnât want to wear something so⊠formal and extravagant, but your mother ignored you and paired emerald earrings with a long chain to the back of your half-tied hair. In summary, you felt overdressed for such a meeting.
Your mother was on your right, your father on your left, and Jaeyun was sitting alone on another couch.
Thinking it over now, you wondered how you ended up here. You werenât great at talking to people. Your closest friends were Minju from your school life, and Heeseung, who had sunshine for a personality.
Heeseung would have beamed at you in this gown, and told you to go all in for the opportunity. He saw no wrongs in a situation, and found positivity in anything. Heeseung was as shy as you, so connecting was easier than with anyone else you had met. Other than the two of them, your own mind chained you away from socialising freely.
It was why, even now when Jungwon was imminent on entering the same space, you felt the steel anxiety drill into your joints, making it momentarily hard to move. You tried to sit straight. Then, you kept your eyes ahead and then dropped the strings when it felt too real like this.
âYou look like you are about to shit yourselfââ
Your mother glared at Jaeyun. âLanguage.â
âI was just saying.â He sheepishly smiled, fluffy hair already disobeying the earlier hair brushing. He was as serious as a marshmallow. You couldnât find comfort from him.
In the posh peace of this lounge, it hit you like thunder that you were about to meet with Death himself. You almost flinched back to reality.
The door handle jostled and opened at the thunder in your back. Entering was Lady Jiwon in a navy gown, Lord Yang Jihyun in a matching blue suit, and the main root of all your anxiety.
Jungwon wore pure charcoal with shimmering grey swirls woven into his blazer, with a fitted waist jacket that had a chain dangling delicately from the small breast pocket. A black tie nestled at the base of his honey throat, accentuating his stupidly broad shoulders.
It was his eyes beneath wavy hair that forced a memory of your first encounter into vision.
They were so dark, sitting like obsidian atop your face, like he wanted to carve the judgement into your skin. You had absolutely no idea what he was feeling in the void behind his irises.
His mother, you recognised as Lady Jiwon from surface-level research, approached with the most pearliest smile.
âI am so delighted everyone made it,â she exclaimed happily. Much more joyous than Jungwon. She brought Lord Yang forward, hands interlocked. âMy husband, Jihoon.â
Jihoon bowed his head a little, smiling with a dimple. Did Jungwon have a dimple? âPleasure to meet everyone.â
âWe are honoured,â said your father, getting up to shake Jihoonâs hand firmly before sitting. âI am Yoon. My wife here is Mei, and Jaeyun is our elder son.â
A fluffy smile slipped past Jaeyunâs lips like instinct.
Then, Jiwon brought Jungwon forward with a small, frantic wave of her hand. Obliging to her, he slowly walked forward and bowed his head in greeting.
âNice to meet everyone,â he murmured with a voice gripping onto control.
At your time to stand, Jiwonâs eyes sparked into fireworks as she smiled. She took your hands, thumbing over your knuckles. âYou must be Lady Sim Y/n, the one my Son met in court. You are such a beauty!â
Warmth hit your cheeks. Jihoon smiled. Jungwon, on the other hand, looked like he was verifying that last bit when his eyes dragged slowly over your features.
âThank you.â
Everyone sat down in their designated space, waiting as maids brought tea in expensive, untouchable ceramics and pastries made for display. You hadnât moved an inch, focused on itching the anxiety out of your thumb.
You were too focused on whether you were sitting straight or slouching. Or if Jungwon was waiting for you to do that. His gaze was practically carved into your face.
Jaeyun sent a discreet smile behind his teacup, wiggling his brows that conjured a violent wave in you from his deceptive facade.
âAs you know, there has been an influx of murders around the borders,â Jihoon began after a sip, dampening the atmosphere.
âYes, Y/n told us some of it,â Yoon said, his tone dissipating from that initial joy. Silence from your end as your gaze stayed locked on the table.
Jungwon sensed the hitch in your heartbeat. It was a constantly rapid pace ever since you got here. The meeting was well past brief impressions, so he knew it wasnât targeted at that. No. This pace had been troubling you for a while. Jungwon narrowed his investigative gaze as he sipped his tea.
In your place, your mother cleared her throat. âAnd, when we got the proposal, we were allâŠâ she gave a subtle sideways glance at your sulky, lowered eyes, â⊠very pleased.â
Jiwon grinned. âI am glad. Won Bonââ
âMother,â Jungwon grumbled, making Jiwon smile sheepishly. You caught the distaste when you briefly met eyes. Sheepishly, she smiled in a way that smoothed the anxious knots in your spine.
âMy Jungwon is so work-oriented. It took a while to convince him,â she said gently, ignoring Jungwonâs shrivelling nonchalance. Pink dusted his cheeks in a way that almost made him look⊠shy. You wanted to question how someone like him could do that.
âOh, we had to chase our daughter down,â Yoon added impishly. The room erupted in small laughter as you stiffened at the memory. Jungwon, from the other side of the couch, slowly raised a brow, trying to imagine you running away. Warmth drowned your cheeks again as his gaze dragged over your face with flames.
You turned back to your tea.
âJungwon is just as stubborn. When he lost the court caseââ
Jungwon straightened, gaze whipping to his father. âThe Prophecy⊠please.â
Jihoon smiled, expecting it. âRight. We proposed this because of the well-known prophecy. Currently, there are no leads, no evidence indicating a clear direction. We hoped unlocking the ability would possibly help solve it all,â Jihoon explained, too serious for the denial homed in your head.
âEven if the ability doesnât help the murder cases, it is still special if it is known to us,â Jiwon added with a signature smile.
None of this made sense to you. The protests were already burning your tongue, observing how they must have already made their decisions. It was unfair. However, you had to people-please everyone.
Delivering what they expected of you to gain a shred of validation. Working in the hospital as a Soul Bearer and handling the delicate packages of life meant no mistakes. The fragile version of yourself you crafted for them was nothing without being right. Soul Bearing made it clear that it shouldnât even be a scenario in your head.
The conversation droned on about union possibility, about working together, and new perspectives. Each one had you holding your voice as fate was strategised in front of you. Jungwon was silent as you were, his hand flexing momentarily because the whole thing strengthened his sense of duty again.
One more level for both you and him.
âWe shall let you two converse,â Mei said, squeezing your shoulder softly in encouragement. You felt anything but that.
Jihoon sent a look to Jungwon that said to âbe kindâ, and then was the one to close you and him into the lounge.
The door clicked shut. Silence hung between you since it was much more comforting than to confront whatever was going to happen in the near future.
Discomfort invaded your nerves and forced you to trace the neatly-cut portraits and sunlight peeking through the fluttering curtains. He was still probing your face from afar.
âDo you like summer?â Jungwon asked in a low voice, following your gaze to his sunny windows. He leaned back, a leg crossed over the other, a head tilted with increasing interest.
âI think so. However, I do not like it for so long.â You glanced away from the intense void sitting in his eyes. He raised an inquisitive brow.
âStrange words,â he commented dryly.
âMeaning?â You returned, gaze narrowing.
âMeaning what do you like then?â Jungwon crossed his arms, capturing your eyes within one second. A skip flashed through your heart at his attention.
You glanced at the glass windows once more. âEvery season, but not for a long period. Except Spring. It rains too much.â
Jungwonâs lips twitched in amusement at your absurdity, but he remembered he wasnât supposed to be laughing at you like a comrade. He was still petty over the lost trial, and that alone smoothed his emotions straight.
âI like Spring,â he stated, blinking in a way that was far too serious. âI like the rain.â
Your smirk was subtle and swift. âOf course you do.â
âWhat do you mean by that?â Jungwon now remarked quietly, his small glare carving into you.
âSpring rain never goes away. Like your grudges, Lord Yang,â you answered, letting go of decorum now. His face fell, nonchalance unravelling right before your eyes as he leaned forward, as if he could physically dig into your mind.
âThe Spring rain is a transitional period where the blooms are born after a hard winter.â Jungwon steepled his fingers.
âHow poetic.â You cracked the smallest, incredulous smile before reality pulled at your chest once more. This wasnât some enjoyable meeting with Death. It was a negotiation for marriage.
You hesitantly met his eyes. The hostility wasnât as present anymore, but there was still a boundary stopping you from seeing his emotions on the other side. He was staring too. There was no hiding about it.
âHow are we supposed to fulfil something almost imaginary?â You asked quietly, fingers digging into your lap.
âI donât know,â he replied after a few quiet seconds. It was a gamble, and he knew you knew it too. Some common ground there.
âThen, what does it entail? To⊠make this prophecy true?â You asked carefully. Your parents never told you in full how one connected to it. All you knew was that a wand and scythe were needed for it.
His gaze wandered a little before landing on you like he was trying to creep into the territory without scaring you. âMy parents have said it a few timesâŠâ He got to his feet, cautiously approaching with a generous slowness. âWe need to let the wand and scythe touch, and they say you fall into a âtranceââŠâ he stopped for a contemplative second, searching.
You spared a look at his shadowy cuff that shone. âOr?â
âSome say in bed,â he stated casually.
âWhat?â You exclaimed with pinched brows.
He shut his eyes regretfully before opening them. âNot like that. I mean, in a sleep state in bed. You know how sleep works, right?â
âWhen we sleep, our souls are detached from the body.â You nodded.
âThat means, outside the body, our souls can interact. That is one of the ways.â He watched as you stood and began to saunter to the big windows. Following, he scanned the curve of your waist, how your hair draped flawlessly behind your back, and the delicate jewel sat in the sea of your strands.
He strolled along until he lingered behind you.
You realised how stupidly tall he was. âWhat happens when you⊠take a soul for death?â
Jungwon was surprised at your interest, considering you wanted to burn holes into his head the other day, but he looked past your face and to the florals bobbing by in the wind outside.
âWhen Iâm delivering them to death, I go to this specific place. Death Meadow is what I call it. Dark, vastâa field, and itâs where Reapers go,â Jungwon replied, recalling the dim skies and the long grass brushing his knees.
You frowned. âIs that all it looks like?â
âDid you expect a castle?â He mused, his deep voice rippling down your spine.
âA field is hardly exciting,â you mumbled, crossing your arms almost in defence. He chuckled curtly.
âDeath is hardly exciting,â he said back quietly. Your profile exposed the curve of your nose, or your lips, which, he had to admit, complemented your⊠facial harmony.
âI know,â you muttered back, sighing. After a few terse seconds, you rolled out your right hand, letting the bracelet morph into the signature wand. âWe should try, shouldnât we?â
Jungwonâs chest swelled with the anticipation of it. If there was something, though he didnât know what, then a marriage was inevitable. A wedding. A life with you. The person he had nearly cursed out loud sixteen days ago. Thinking back to it, maybe he was overreacting, but then the thought crumbled as his ego ached.
You watched his face shift with thoughts, probably knowing how real this all was. The finality hammered through your chest until breathing felt tiring. This was it. And there was only one way to find out.
Wordlessly, you inched the wand forward towards his scythe, ignoring the apprehension twisting violently in your guts.
You shared a look that he mirrored: this would seal their fates into one path.
The scythe touched first. Blade met gem, and instantly, a heavy wave rippled from your chest to the base of your spine, activating some other part within you had no experience with. It thrummed in your ears and smoked the space behind your eyes. Bewildered, you glanced at Jungwon and froze when his irises glowed.
No void. His eyes had a corona of something white that haunted his now brown irises. He looked personal. Human. Normal.
Jungwonâs breath hitched as blue slithered and lit your own eyes homed the mist that felt as if they had always been there in the shadows. Inside, his body rattled like fabric shifting over one another, creating friction and warmth that was too energetic to handle.
You departed first, wand clutched to your chest with ferocity. Jungwonâs scythe fell back into a cuff, catching his curt breath that escaped his control. The silence was a sentence on both you and him before Jungwon sighed.
âYou felt that, did you not?â He asked, eyes averted.
You nodded once. âYes.â Your tone was eroded by anxiety.
âAnd you know what that means?â He glanced at you again, where acceptance was absent from your stance. Your shoulders were stiff when you tentatively returned his gaze, which was a void once more. âMy parents shall talk to yours. For a union.â
He turned, ready to walk out, but your uncertainty followed after him a few steps. âDo you want to get married?â You couldnât help it. This whole thing had to be turning his axis too.
That made him stop, shoulders shifting beneath like he was preparing a practised answer. It was a second late. A second of hesitance you spotted in yourself. You thought he would be real for a second, but he straightened like a stone wall again.
âI donât have to want to. I need to,â he answered in a resolved tone before continuing his stride towards the closed doors. His heart protested in angry stomps, which he ignored.
You felt it, however. His worth anchored his shoulders, fragile as it was huge on him. It curled, a monster he efficiently tucked away.
That was enough to tell you he wasnât going to back out.
ââ .⊠[NOTES]: okay, did yall like this? You can tell I gave up in the end with proof reading this. Also, I am on holiday, but I had no wifi for a bit, and now I do. So, I haven't written anything LMFAO. But, even then, I hope you guys liked this! <3
Iâve ONLY read this first part and to say I am blown away is an understatement. To reblog this after not even knowing what is gonna happen next shows how much this work has gone above and beyond. The imagery is other worldly and the plot is refreshing and new. Love it already. Cant wait to see whatâs next in store.
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Years after a quiet, painful breakup, you are assigned to write a profile on South Koreaâs most elusive figure skater, Park Sunghoon, who just so happens to be your ex-boyfriend. What was supposed to be a byline quickly spirals into a collision of unresolved feelings, buried emotions that are edging too close to the surface, and the slow thaw between two people who once meant the world to each other. With every step you take back into his orbit, the line between story and truth begins to blurâand the version of him you thought you knew starts to unravel.
word count: 44k (LMFAOOOOOOO)
pairing: figureskater!ex!sunghoon x sportsjournalist!afab!reader
featuring: yunah, minju, and moka from illit
genre: figure skating au, exes to lovers, the one that got away, sunshine x midnight rain, second chance romance, right person wrong time but also becomes right time(?), opposites attract, slow burn, ANGST
warnings: this story contains miscommunication at its PEAK, emotional distress, mentions of injury, past breakup, abandonment, and themes of regret, long-distance, sunghoon ice prince stereotype, mutual pining, girl putting more effort than guy, hopeless romantic core, emphasis on love language, usage of profanities, slight indication of intimacy (literally like one paragraph if you squint), angst, angst, angst, and oh! angst, also maybe slight inaccuracies to real life sports delegations(?)
disclaimer: this is a work of pure fiction. If any context is similar to any other stories, it's either inspired (in which credit will be given) or just a coincidence. the characters' personalities, words, actions and thoughts do not represent them in real life. any resemblance to any real life events or person, present or past, are purely coincidental. i apologise in advance for any spelling or grammar mistakes. characters are aged up for plot purpose.
notes from nat: ngl. i almost didn't want to put this out. but I know people have been waiting and I can be overly critical with myself sometimes... and 44k words is ALOT to just leave it in the drafts, so here you guys go! highly recommended to read with the playlist i curated in order! without further ado, enjoy!
The office is louder than usual for a Monday morning. Keyboards clatter like a percussion ensemble, and the faint hum of printers competes with the buzz of hurried conversations. The aroma of coffee lingers, sharp and bitter. You sit at your desk, staring at your laptop screen, fingers hovering over the keyboard but typing nothing.
Your new assignment email glares at you with a subject line you never thought youâd see: "Profile Piece on Park Sunghoon."
Park Sunghoon. Even his name feels heavy in your chest.
Memories surge to the surfaceâhis laughter ringing through late-night phone calls, the sparkle in his eyes when he spoke about skating, and the tension in his voice during those last arguments before everything unravelled. Itâs been years, but the ghost of him lingers like a song stuck in your head.
âY/N, youâve got the Sunghoon piece, right?â your editor, Yunah, calls out, snapping you out of your trance. Sheâs a whirlwind of energy, dressed in a sharp blazer with a coffee mug permanently glued to her hand.
âYeah,â you reply, trying to sound casual, though your voice wavers slightly. âIâve got it.â
âGood,â she says, striding over to your desk. âThe storyâs got legs. Everyoneâs buzzing about his reappearance and return to Korea. Olympic dreams, media darling, potential scandal⊠youâve got to dig deep on this one. Make it personal.â
âPersonal?â The word makes your stomach churn. âIsnât that more tabloidy than what weâre used to?â
âSports tabloids pay the bills, sweetheart,â Yunah says with a shrug. âAnd youâre the perfect person for this. Youâve got the knack for human stories, and Sunghoonâs story is nothing if not human. Besides, you went to the same university, right?â
The question hangs in the air, deceptively light. You hesitate for a moment too long, and Yunahâs brows lift, a knowing smirk tugging at her lips. âAh, I see,â she says teasingly. âWell, use it to your advantage.â
Of course. You forgot you're surrounded by people who read body language for a living. Thereâs no hiding anything from her.
She walks away before you can respond, leaving you with the sinking realisation that sheâs not entirely wrong. Who better to cover Park Sunghoonâs meteoric riseâand whatever personal demons heâs carryingâthan the girl who once loved him?
By lunchtime, youâve done enough digging to know exactly what youâre up against.
Sunghoonâs name is everywhere.
His faceâstill frustratingly photogenicâplastered across articles, feature spreads, and fan-edited clips with dramatic music overlays. They all show a polished, confident man, far removed from the awkward boy you used to know. His dark hair is perfectly styled, his tailored suits scream sophistication, and his trademark smirk has only grown more enigmatic.
You scroll through write-ups that gush about his triumphant return to the ice. They speculate whether heâll qualify for the next international season, drop cryptic mentions of a ânew fire in his eyes,â and cite sources that canât seem to agree whether his hiatus was due to injury or personal issues. Or both.
There are whispers about a reality show stint during his time in Spainâsomething lowkey, never officially aired, but leaked through blurry screenshots and strategically placed fan theories. A training arc in disguise, if you had to guess. Classic Sunghoon: disappearing, reinventing, and re-emerging like nothing happened.
And now? Heâs starting to make headlines again.
Which makes sense, you suppose. He hasnât been in the public eye for months. Not since that withdrawal from the Grand Prix final. Not since the buzz about that infamous tussleâthe one that sports reporters avoided naming outright but loved to allude to. The speculation only made him more mysterious. More magnetic. The kind of story that writes itself: the fallen star, re-forging his crown.
Yunahâs rightâthe storyâs got legs. You just wish you werenât the one chasing it.
You stare blankly at the screen, lips pressed together as your cursor hovers over yet another article about him.
You were supposed to be over this.
And yet, you canât deny the tightness coiling in your chestânot jealousy, exactly. Not regret, either. Just something far messier. The kind of feeling that comes from watching someone you once loved be glorified by the same world that never saw the nights you spent waiting for him to call. The world that didnât witness the quiet crumbling of a girl who poured so much of herself into someone who didnât know how to hold it.
You slam your laptop shut.
If heâs back on the ice, fine. Good for him.
But youâre not the same girl who used to cry over his missed calls and make excuses for his silence. You have a job to do. A byline to earn. And if this rink ends up being his comeback stage, then so be it.
Youâll be thereânot as the girl who once loved him, but as the reporter who can write his rise without flinching.
The first step is setting up an interview, which means reaching out to his management. This whole thing could very well end here. Youâll send the email, Sunghoon will reject the requestâjust like he does with every other news agency or tabloid that thinks they can score an exclusive interview with him. Yunah will realise youâre not some journalistic prodigy, and sheâll move on to the next big headline.
That should comfort you. When Sunghoon says no, itâs overâno awkward reunions, no dredging up memories youâve spent years trying to bury. And yet, you hesitate, fingers trembling as they hover over the keyboard.
The email stares back at you, every word perfectly composed, detached, professional. It doesnât betray the tangle of thoughts fighting for dominance in your mind.
From: You
Subject: Interview Request for Park Sunghoon Profile Piece
Dear Ms. Yoon,
I hope this email finds you well. My name is Kang Y/N, and Iâm a journalist with Manifesto Daily. Our team is planning a profile piece on athlete Park Sunghoon, focusing on his inspiring journey as a professional athlete and his return to Korea.
I would like to request an interview with Mr. Park to discuss his career, his aspirations for the future, and any personal insights heâd be willing to share with our readers. The piece aims to highlight his achievements and provide a deeper understanding of the person behind the athlete.
Please let me know a time and date that would work best for Mr. Parkâs schedule. I am happy to accommodate and can meet at his convenience. Should you require any further details about the story or our publication, please donât hesitate to reach out.
Thank you for considering this request. I look forward to your response.
Best regards,
Kang Y/N
Senior Journalist (Sports Division)
Manifesto Daily
+82 XX XXXX YYYY
You know the kind of person Park Sunghoon is. Youâve seen him at his most passionate, the fire in his eyes when he spoke about mastering a new routine, and at his most vulnerable, when doubts about his own abilities kept him up at night.Â
Youâve also witnessed him at his ugliestâthose moments when he seemed completely disinterested during your calls, only for you to catch glimpses of him laughing unabashedly in his training mateâs Instagram stories. When he sent curt, dry texts that cut to your insecurities, leaving you questioning if you were the problem. And yet, now here you are, facing the daunting question: Who is he today? A polished media darling, exuding poise and confidence, or a jerk who simply broke your heart?
Youâre not just writing a profile; itâs about untangling the complexities of the boy you once loved and the man he has become, all while confronting the version of him thatâs lived rent-free in your head for years.
When you finally hit send, you lean back in your chair, exhaling deeply. Itâs done. Now all you can do is wait.
The reply comes faster than expected.
For a moment, you stare at the screen, rereading the email as if the words might change.Â
He said yes. The one answer you hadnât prepared yourself for. A mix of relief and dread washes over you in waves, leaving you momentarily frozen.
From: [email protected]
Subject: Re: Interview Request for Park Sunghoon Profile Piece
Dear Ms. Kang,
Thank you for reaching out. Sunghoon has reviewed your request and is happy to make time to participate in the interview for your profile piece. We appreciate your interest in highlighting his journey and achievements.
The interview can be scheduled for this Thursday at 3:00 PM at the Olympic Training Rink in Seoul. Please confirm if this timing works for you. Additionally, let us know if there are any specific topics or questions youâd like Sunghoon to prepare for in advance.
Should you require further assistance, feel free to contact me directly.
Best regards,
Yoon Ji-eun
Executive Assistant, Park Sunghoon
+82 XX XXXX YYYY
âHappy to make time,â you mutter under your breath, staring at the email on your screen. A bitter laugh escapes before you can stop it. Does he even remember you? Or are you just another journalist to him now, a faceless name lost among the countless people chasing for a headline?
He must remember you. Right? After all, you were together for over four yearsâfour long, formative years that shaped so much of who you are. And out of those four, at least three were good years. Happy years. The kind of memories that even if you wanted to forget, you couldnât.Â
He isnât just part of your past; he is your past. From the moment you met him in freshman year college during orientation, to your graduation, and all the way up to the day he left for Spain to chase his dreams, Sunghoon was a constantâa gravitational force you couldnât escape.
Late-night study sessions that turned into early-morning phone calls. The excitement of travelling to watch his competitions, where his focus on the ice was matched only by the way his eyes would light up when he found you waiting in the stands. The quiet moments, tooâthe ones where heâd rest his head on your lap after a long day of training, eyes closed, his walls momentarily lowered.Â
You remember all of it, vividly. How could you not? Itâs etched into the foundation of who you are, whether you like it or not. He alone made up your youth.Â
And he alone crushed it.
The day of the interview arrives quicker than youâre ready for. The sky is overcast, mirroring the grey swirl of nerves in your stomach as you make your way to the Olympic Training Rink. The moment you step inside, a wave of cold air hits youâcrisp and unforgiving, seeping through your coat like a reminder of why you're really here.
The rink is quieter than expected. No coaches shouting instructions, no background music blaring. Just the sharp, rhythmic slice of blades on ice echoing through the vast, open space. The sound is hypnotic.Â
You spot him immediately. His movements are unmistakableâprecise, elegant, detachedâjust like the version of him the world sees now. Itâs surreal. For a moment, you're frozen. Heâs always been like this on the ice, as if he belongs to a world the rest of us can only watch from the sidelines.
When he finally notices you, he skates over, his expression unreadable. Up close, heâs both familiar and foreign. The boy you loved is still there, but heâs hidden beneath layers of polished professionalism and years of distance.
âY/N,â he says, his voice even. âItâs been a while.â
You force a smile, clutching your research papers like itâs the only thing tethering you to professionalism. âIt has. Thanks for agreeing to this.â
He nods, gaze unwavering. âAnything for the press, right?â
The faintest curl of his lip accompanies the words, not quite a smirk, but it lands somewhere between sarcasm and civility. Thereâs a hint of irony in his tone, and you canât tell if heâs mocking you, the situation, or himself. Either way, it stings in a place you wish was long numb.
You follow him as he skates toward the side lounge near the rink, where a table and chair have been set up for you. You set your things down, press the recorder button, and glance at your questions. But already, you can feel itâthe reckoning of something unspoken humming beneath every word, every breath.
The breakup was as cold and sharp as the ice he mastered so effortlessly. Sunghoonâs inability to express himself had always been a quiet undercurrent in your relationship, but distance magnified the cracks until they became impossible to ignore.Â
At first, you told yourself it was temporary. A phase. Just the price of loving someone whose dreams demanded everything of him. While he trained under the Spanish sunâchasing medals, perfection, legacyâyou remained behind, stuck in the grey stillness of routine. Every morning was a quiet scroll through his tagged posts: flashes of sunlight on ice, arms slung around new faces, effortless smiles captured in perfect golden-hour light. He looked happy. Free. And you⊠you were still waiting, clinging to half-hearted apologies and empty reassurances.
The timezone difference was a fact of life, yesâbut it wasnât the hours that made him feel far away. It was the way he spoke with one foot already out the door. Every call became more strained, the conversation shallow, like he was rationing his energy and you were the last on his list. His words were careful, rehearsed, as if emotional honesty was a risk he couldnât afford on top of training and public scrutiny.
Sometimes he wouldnât even call, and when they did come, they hurt more than the silence. His eyes flickered elsewhere on the screen, distracted by movement off-camera or the notifications lighting up his phone. His voice was flat, barely warm, like he was speaking to a colleagueânot someone who used to fall asleep to the sound of his heartbeat. The nickname "Ice Prince" had once made you laugh, made you tease him during post-practice ramen dates. But it wasnât funny anymore. It became a prophecy fulfilledâhe had built walls you could no longer scale, frozen over the places you used to call home.
When the arguments came, they were frigid and brittle, snapping under the weight of unspoken frustrations. You started to memorise the pauses in his speech, the way he hesitated before saying your nameâas though he wasnât sure how to feel about it anymore.
It wasnât just the miles between you that drove you apartâit was the glacier of his guarded heart, one you couldnât thaw no matter how hard you tried.
And then one night, wrapped in a hoodie that still smelled faintly of him, you sat curled up on the steep edge of your windowsill, your knees pulled tight to your chest, eyes scanning the city like it might offer you answers. The lights blinked on like constellations you couldnât name anymore, and you realisedâwith a crushing, reluctant clarityâyou were holding him back.Â
But more importantly, he was holding you back.Â
Your lives had become separate timelines that only intersected on screens and stilted calls, and even then, it felt like you were orbiting each other with no gravity left to pull you close again. The connection you once cherished had thinned until it became a thread you had to squint to see, and even then, it felt like a lie.
So you did the one thing that felt more honest than any of your recent conversations: you typed out the words youâd been avoiding for weeks, hands shaking, eyes blurry.
âMaybe weâre both better off letting go.â
And hit send.
Just like that, another four years passed without him.Â
Time, as always, moved in quiet, unremarkable waysâthrough the steady ticking of clocks and the dull rhythm of workdays blending into each other. You had slowly, stubbornly, climbed the ranks of your publishing company, carving a name for yourself as a senior reporter. It wasnât glamorous, but it was yours.Â
Unexpectedly, you had found yourself swept into the whirlwind of sports journalismâironic, in retrospect, considering how closely that world is being tied to him. But you told yourself it was coincidence. That it was your choice now. That your world, your career, your interests, were no longer shadowed by Sunghoon's orbit or shaped by the way he used to talk about the thrill of competing and nailing six-minute routines like they were sacred.
You insisted you were free. And maybe that was true. But in the quiet spaces between deadlines and press boxes, in the few spare seconds before interviews began or crowds broke into applause, you couldnât stop that lingering, almost shameful thought from blooming: that maybe, just maybe, some part of you had always hoped to run into him again.
Not to rekindle anything. Not to reach for what had already slipped through your fingers.
But to show him. Show him that you had thrived. That you were still standing after everything. That the girl he left behind was long gone, replaced by someone sharper, stronger, more whole.
But nowânow that you find yourself in this predicament, frozen in place on the edge of a rink you never expected to be at, watching the familiar curve of his form cut across the ice with the same breathtaking graceâyou feel like a fool for ever thinking you were ready.
You want nothing more than for the ground beneath you to crack open and swallow you whole. Because seeing him again doesnât fill you with triumph. It doesnât validate anything. It just hurts.
Worse than it should.
And it terrifies you how easy it is to fall back into that ache.
âHello? Earth to Y/N.â
You blink, startled out of your reverie by the sight of Sunghoon waving a hand in front of your face. You hadnât even realised you'd spaced out.
âSorry,â you murmur, clearing your throat. Your fingers fumble with the papers you had so meticulously preppedâhighlighted, annotated, sorted in orderâyet now you pretend to look for something among them, just to avoid his gaze. You know itâs a weak cover. And karma hits fast.
A gust of air from the heater overhead flutters your stack of papers, and before you can react, a dozen sheets slip from your grip and scatter. Some land across the floor. Others fly dramatically over the rinkâs low barricade, drifting like paper snowflakes onto the pristine ice.
âOh, shitââ you hiss, already scrambling to gather them, crawling after loose pages that slip under chairs and along the skirting of the rink. Youâre mumbling curses to yourself under your breath as you pick up the pieces of paper off the floor when your eyes zone in on a particular page that landed upright. Your breath catches.
Reference 4: Compilation of Netizensâ Impressions on Athlete Park
+62 -12 wow as expected park sunghoon! young, rich and handsome. must be a dream to date someone like him
Dream or nightmare? Not really sure but okay.
+120 -24 kyaaaa heâs so handsome!! Iâm a fan!
Whatâs the point of being handsome? Heâs a jerk!
+82 -4 wow how can someone look so perfect⊠he looks like a disney character
Correct. More specifically, that giant ice golem from Frozen -.-
+32 -6 i wonder if he has a girlfriend. There must be so much pressure dating someone as perfect as Park Sunghoon. Itâs okay, iâll volunteer!!
No pressure. He doesnât open up enough for you to feel pressure. Still, may the odds be ever in your favour.
Your stomach drops. Youâd forgotten those were even thereâyour sardonic, late-night annotations scribbled in red pen. Bitter, sharp, personal. And littered all over your research stack.
You snap your head up, and horror freezes your limbs.
Sunghoon is on the ice leaning casually against the rink barricade, one of the annotated pages in hand. His expression is a cocktail of amusement and disbelief, and worst of allâa hint of knowing. He reads aloud in a slow, deliberate tone, his voice dripping with mockery.
ââPark Sunghoon is a block of ice personified. If you want to know what it's like dating a block of ice, 10/10 recommend.ââ
He scoffs, dropping the page slightly to meet your eyes.
âInteresting research.â
Your blood rushes to your ears. You feel exposed, raw, like someoneâs just peeled the skin back from every nerve ending and left them pulsing in the open air. You canât even remember writing that annotationâbut of course itâs in red, underlined, and impossible to ignore. One of many off-handed comments scrawled across your notes, never meant to be seen. Certainly not by him.
âIâI didnât mean for that toââ You falter. What can you even say? You were angry when you wrote those, bitter and alone at 2 a.m., trying to turn pain into sarcasm.
Sunghoon studies you, his expression unreadable again. But thereâs something in the way he watches youâlike heâs trying to figure out if youâre the same girl he once knew, or someone entirely new. Someone just as guarded now as he once was.
âDidnât mean for what?â he drawls, raising an eyebrow. âYou mean you didnât mean to write all these berating comments in bold red ink all over your research paper?â He plucks up another sheet from the scattered pile, the corners of his mouth twitching. âLetâs see what else weâve got.â
You instantly recognise that one. Your heart sinks. Itâs that pageâthe one where youâd printed promotional shots of him modelling for an active sportswear brand. Not only had you annotated it with snide remarks about his âunnecessarily photogenic jawline,â but youâd also drawn little devil horns and moustaches across his face like a deranged kindergartener with a vendetta.
âOh my god, give me that!â you blurt out, reaching instinctively over the rink barricade in an attempt to snatch it back. But of course, Sunghoon is Sunghoonâa whole seven inches taller and built like someone who only lives and breaths protein. He easily keeps the paper just out of reach, lifting it higher with an infuriating flick of his wrist.
And then thereâs the bloody barricade. Cold, unyielding metal pressing against your ribs as you lean further than you probably should. Youâre close enough now to see the faint smirk tugging at the corner of his lips, the smug glint in his eyes that says heâs enjoying this far too much.
âWow,â he muses, inspecting the doodles with mock appreciation. âYou even gave me fangs. Thatâs new.â
âSunghoon, I swear to Godââ
âRelax.â He folds the paper with exaggerated care and waves it around in the air, taunting you. âIâm flattered you still think about me. Even if itâs in your own⊠special way.â
You feel a slow, rising heat on your cheeks, accompanied by the realisation that youâre no longer sure whoâs in control of this interview anymoreâyou or the boy you once loved who is now laughing at your annotated emotional breakdowns.Â
Youâre burning with embarrassment. Mortification. But more than that, youâre furiousâat him, at yourself, at the stupid page still clutched in his hand like a golden ticket. Without thinking, you shove open the rinkâs side gate and step onto the ice.
âY/Nââ he calls, warning laced in his voice. But you donât listen.
Your flats hit the ice and your body immediately regrets the decision. Youâre not dressed for this. The soles of your shoes slip against the surface, and gravity betrays you in a matter of seconds.
âShitâ!â
You yelp as your foot skids out from under you. The papers in your hand fly upward in a dramatic arc, and your arms flail as you lose balance completely. A part of you braces for the impact, the cold bite of ice against your back and the guaranteed humiliation thatâll follow.
Four years since youâve seen your ex-boyfriend, and youâre about to face-plant onto the very place that drove him away from you.
Damn this ice rink. Damn you, Park Sunghoon.
But the fall never comes.
Instead, thereâs a sudden blur of motionâfast, practiced, effortless. Arms wrap around you just in time, steadying your momentum as your body lurches forward. You slam into something solidâsomeone solidâand for a moment, all you hear is the rapid pounding of your heart and the low whoosh of his skates cutting against the ice.
You look up.
Sunghoon stares down at you, jaw tight, one arm around your waist and the other gripping your wrist where he caught you. The smirk is gone now, replaced with something quieterâunreadable.
Youâre close. Too close. You can feel the steady rise and fall of his breath, the lingering warmth of his touch against your coat sleeve. He steadies you like muscle memory, like no time has passed at all.
âYou never change,â he mutters under his breath, but thereâs something indecipherable in his toneâannoyed, maybe. Or amused. Or maybe he just doesnât know what to feel either.
You pull away quickly, too quickly, slipping again slightly before you regain your footing with a shaky huff. Your palms are planted against his chest, and you can feel the familiar beat of his heart under all that armour of fabric and calm. It rattles you more than the near-fall did.
You open your mouth to snap something bitingâmaybe about how you didnât need his help, or how youâd rather eat the ice than owe himâbut then you see it.
A flicker of pain across his face. A wince.
Itâs subtle. So quick that anyone else mightâve missed it. But not you. Youâd studied that face for years. You know what his mask looks like when it slips.
He straightens a little too stiffly, his jaw tightening as he shifts his weight from one leg to the other. Itâs slight, but telling. Your brows draw together as a thought rises, uninvited and stubborn.
The rumours about his injury.
It wasnât reported officiallyâjust whispers that circulated through the sports journalism grapevine. A rumoured altercation in Spain with another figure skater. A "tussle," they called it. No names, no details, just speculation buried in a few poorly sourced articles and message board threads that vanished almost as quickly as they appeared. Some even said it was the real reason he disappeared from competition for two entire seasons.
At the time, it had seemed like nothing more than gossip. Now, watching the way he stands with deliberate caution, the rumour doesnât seem so far-fetched.
âYou okay?â you ask before you can stop yourself.
He pauses, then gives a short nod, not meeting your eyes. âFine. Youâre the one slipping all over the place.â
You bristle. âWell, maybe if you didnât dangle incriminating evidence over the ice like a Bond villainââ
He actually laughs at that. Itâs quiet, caught off guard, and so startlingly familiar that it sends a jolt through your chest. For a second, just a second, you forget everything elseâthe sarcasm, the history, the sharp wordsâand remember how that laugh used to feel like home.
But it fades quickly. And in its place is that wall againâthe carefully constructed version of him the world sees.
You dust yourself off, avoiding his gaze as you mutter, âThanks. For not letting me faceplant.â
âDonât mention it,â he says, voice neutral again. âWouldâve been a liability issue.â
You roll your eyes and crouch to pick up another page, trying to focus on your scattered notes rather than the ache settling low in your chest. He doesnât say anything, but you can feel his eyes on you, can feel the weight of everything unsaid pressing down between you.
Your mind also lingers on the way he wincedâon the possibility that something deeper still lurks beneath the polished exterior.
âIâm on a tight schedule today. Letâs get the interview started, shall we?â Sunghoon says coolly, handing you the last of your scattered notes.
You take it from him, eyes briefly flickering to the page. Another cringe ripples through youâmore scribbled sarcasm in the margins, barely legible under your rushed handwriting. Fantastic. But you school your expression, swallowing the urge to snatch it back and set it on fire.
âThanks,â you say evenly, forcing composure into your voice as you tuck the page into your folder. âLetâs begin.â
You sit back down, smoothing the creases from your notes as you click the recorder on again. Your pen hovers above the page for a second too long.
âAlright,â you begin, adopting your neutral reporter tone, âletâs start with something simple. Youâve been back in Korea for a little over three months now. How has the transition been, returning after so long abroad?â
Sunghoon leans forward slightly, arms crossed in that easy, guarded posture you remember all too well.
âBusy,â he says. âFamiliar, in some ways. But the pace here is different. Everyoneâs watching. Everyone expects something.â
You jot that down, even though it doesnât say much. Itâs a good warm-up answer. Controlled. Polished.
âDoes that pressure ever affect your performance?â you press gently, eyes flicking up to catch his expression.
He shrugs, gaze fixed somewhere over your shoulder. âPressureâs part of the job. If it affects you, you donât belong here.â
You resist the urge to raise a brow. There it is againâthat edge in his voice, so calm it almost passes for indifference. Almost.
You move to your next question. âYouâve recently partnered with Belift for their new activewear line. What drew you to them over the other offers on the table?â
A pause. A flicker of amusement tugs at the corner of his mouth. You realise too late that this is the same line of questioning printed on the devil-horned page still sticking out of your folder.
âI liked their vision,â he says, but the glance he gives you is pointed. âSomething about... sharp lines and ice tones. Felt on-brand.â
You cough lightly, ignoring the jab. âAnd the photoshoot?â you ask, pen poised again. âYou received quite a response online. Some say it marked a shift in your public imageâless âIce Prince,â more...â
ââDevilishly handsome and emotionally unavailableâ?â he offers, arching a brow.
You shoot him a look. âThatâs not exactly what I was going to say.â
âSure it wasnât.â
A beat of silence passes before you recover. âLetâs pivot. In Spain, you were training under Coach Morales. How did his style compare to what you were used to in Korea?â
Sunghoon exhales, shoulders dropping slightly. For the first time, his answer comes without a filter.
âHe was tougher. Stricter, but less traditional. He didnât care how I was perceivedâonly what I delivered. And if I didnât deliver, he made sure I knew it.â
Something flickers in his eyesâsomething heavy and lived-in. You donât push. Not yet.
You scribble a note before asking, softer this time, âWas that hard for you?â
He pauses. âNo,â he says after a moment. âWhat was hard was unlearning everything I thought I already knew.â
The sentence lands with a thud in your chest.
You nod slowly, tapping your pen against your notebook. âUnlearning can be the hardest part,â you say, and youâre not sure whether youâre talking about figure skating... or each other.
You glance at your next question, fingers tightening slightly around your pen. The rhythm of the interview is shiftingâbalancing between surface-level poise and the weight of everything that hasnât been said.
âYour return to Korea has been a hot topic amongst our readers,â you begin, tone level. âItâs been a solid three years since the last time you were in the country for the Winter Olympics. Naturally, people are curiousâwhat brought you back? Especially considering the new season is starting soon.â
Sunghoon leans back in his seat, arms loosely crossed. âI can't give away too many details,â he says, gaze cool but not unkind. âLong story short, Iâm in the country for some personal reasons that I'd prefer not to disclose.â
You nod, jotting something down even though itâs barely usable. Your next question hovers on your tongue, heavier than the others. âI see. Well, there have been some rumours⊠surrounding an altercation with another figure skaterâsomeone else under Coach Moralesâ regime. Do you have any comment on that?â
His eyes flick to yoursâsharper this time. He doesnât respond right away. You hear the faint rustle of paper, the soft crunch of his skates shifting on the ice. âIs that part of the interview? Or just personal curiosity?â
You look up at him, your expression unreadable. âDoes it matter?â
âWell, I assure you there was no altercation,â he says smoothly. âJust minor disagreements.â
You tilt your head slightly. âCare to elaborate?â
âNot really.â
The tension in the air thickens, more palpable than the chill radiating off the ice behind him.
You clear your throat. âAlright. Then what about your injury? Howâs recovery? Two seasons is a long time to disappear. Many fans were concerned when you missed the CS Lombardia Trophy in Italy last year. That was a pretty high-profile absence.â
You donât even know where that came from. The question is not on your listânot even in the margins. But the words slip out anyway, fuelled by instinct more than intention. A part of you just wants to know. Wants to see if heâll flinch again, if heâll tell the truth, if heâs still capable of letting someone inâeven if itâs just for a moment.
At first, heâs stoic. But then you see itâthe shift in his posture, the twitch of tension in his jaw. He doesnât deny it. Doesnât even flinch.
Instead, he says, âThatâs not the story youâre here for.â
âMaybe not,â you murmur. âBut itâs the one people would care about.â
A long silence stretches between you, taut as a drawn wire. Heâs no longer smirking. No longer deflecting. Just staring, as if weighing something inside himself.
âI donât believe I ever mentioned being injured,â he replies, with a short, hollow laugh. âThese rumours get way too out of hand and invasive sometimes, donât you think, Reporter Kang?â
That tone againâplayful on the surface, barbed just beneath.
You lower your pen slowly, your professionalism fraying at the edges. âLook,â you say, voice quieter, firmer. âIf you're not going to give me anything to work with, why'd you even say yes to this interview in the first place?â
The recorder is still running. The room is still silent. But something in the air has shiftedâsubtle, but irreversible. The space between you no longer feels professional. It feels personal.
Not reporter and subject.Â
Just you and him. Two people orbiting the same history, waiting for someone to say the next honest thing.
He moves first. Exhales through his noseâalmost a laugh, but not quite. âYouâre still the same.â
âNo,â you say softly. âIâm really not.â
He studies you at that, eyes narrowing slightly like heâs trying to read a story written in a language he once knew by heart. âYouâre bolder now,â he admits. âSharper around the edges.â
âAnd youâve learnt how to talk like a press release.â
He huffs a short breath, amusement flickering in his eyes. âComes with the territory.â
âRight. Just a clean-cut, polished professional athlete now.â You tuck a paper into your folder, but your eyes linger on him a moment longer.
Still so familiar. Still so far.
You slide the last paper into your folder, but your hands donât move to close it. You just sit there, the silence pressing down between you again. Your gaze drops to the recorder, still blinking softly.
âDo you want me to turn it off?â you ask quietly.
Sunghoon doesnât answer right away. His jaw tenses, like heâs debating something with himself. Then, slowly, he nods.
You reach forward and press the button. The soft click echoes louder than it should.
For a while, neither of you speaks. Itâs not awkward, but itâs weighty. Careful. Like standing on a frozen lake, knowing one wrong move could crack the surface.
âI didnât come back for a sponsorship,â he says eventually, his voice lower than itâs been all day. âOr to prep for the season. Not really.â
You glance up, meeting his eyes.
âI came back because I didnât know where else to go,â he admits. âI needed to feel... something familiar. Just for a while.â
His fingers tap a slow rhythm against his thigh, a nervous habit you remember well. The same one from when he used to sit beside you during exams, whispering under his breath that he was going to flunkâonly to ace the paper every time.
You just nod, not sure how to respond to this sudden vulnerability. Truthfully, throughout your four years of dating, he had never truly let himself be vulnerable in front of you. Not fully.
Sure, youâd seen him tired. Youâd seen him frustrated. Youâd seen the cracks on the surface when pressure pushed too hardâbut he always wore his pride like armour, always bounced back with a smirk or a shrug, always insisted he was fine, even when you knew he wasnât.
But thisâthis quiet confession, this barely-audible tremor in his voiceâit feels different.
Feels like he's reaching out to you.
And it guts you more than youâd like to admit.
You shift slightly in your seat, unsure if youâre meant to comfort him or just bear witness. âIs that why you said yes to this?â you ask. âTo the interview?â
His eyes flick toward you, then away again.
âI wasnât sure,â he says after a beat. âMaybe I just wanted to see you.â
Your breath catches. The words arenât said with romantic flourish, not laced with sweetness or longingâbut they still land squarely in your chest, knocking something loose.
You donât know what to say. For once, your head isnât filled with questions or comebacks. Just the ghost of a hundred conversations you never had, and the echo of all the things that could have been different if either of you had said the honest thing first.
But itâs too late for that now.
You glance down at your folder, lips pressed into a thin line. âThanks for your time,â you say, and itâs so formal, so distant, it might as well have come from someone else entirely.
"I'm assuming I'll hear from your legal representative if I use any of these in my piece."
Your voice is calm, steadyâtoo steady. The sentence lands like a wall slamming back into place between you, brick by brick. You donât say it to be cruel. You say it because you need to anchor yourself in something safe, something distant. Because the moment felt too raw, too real, and you donât know what to do with the part of you that wanted to reach across the table instead of retreat.
Sunghoon stiffens. Just slightly.
âNo,â he says after a moment. âYou wonât. Off the recordâs fine. Not like it matters now, anyway.â
You nod once, curt. âGot it.â
And just like that, the spell breaks. The weight in the room doesn't lift, but it shiftsâmuted now, buried again beneath layers of detachment and professionalism. The kind youâve both grown too good at.
You donât look at him when you stand. Donât give yourself the chance to. Your hands move on autopilotâclosing the recorder, tucking your pen away, zipping your coat with fingers that tremble ever so slightly. And then youâre moving, steps brisk and deliberate, the sound of your boots against the concrete floor too loud in the quiet.
Behind you, you hear nothing.
No apology. No explanation. No plea.
Just silence.
Sunghoon opens his mouthâhis hand halfway raised, like heâs about to call your name. But the words never make it past his lips. He watches you go, jaw clenched, the moment slipping through his fingers before he even realises he still wanted to hold onto it.
For him, seeing you again was something he knew he would never truly be prepared for, no matter how many times he rehearsed this conversation in his head. Because you were never a script he could memorise.
You were always unpredictable. Slipping through moments like sand through his fingersâtoo quick, too sharp, too full of feeling. He remembers how your emotions came in layersâsome loud and impulsive, others quiet and impossible to decipher. And maybe thatâs what scared him the most.
Because he never quite knew how to meet you where you were.
You made decisions faster than he could process. You said the things he only thought about. And you demanded a kind of presence, a kind of emotional honesty, that he had spent most of his life trying to avoid. A part of him had admired that about you. Another part? It drove him insane.
Now, as your figure disappears through the doors without so much as a backward glance, he feels that same ache blooming in his chest againâfamiliar and bitter.
He told himself that this would be closure.
But it doesnât feel like the end. It feels like a page he never finished reading.
And youâre already gone.
You spend the next few hours drafting the profile piece that was supposedly meant to âprovide a deeper understanding of the person behind the athlete.â Though with the material youâve managed to gather, itâs unlikely youâll even graze the surface.Â
Whatever. Just give them the Sunghoon they want: the enigmatic comeback king, the prodigy turned recluse turned headline again. Youâll quote his stats, mention his precision, maybe even throw in a poetic metaphor about how the ice has always been his canvas. Youâll do your job. Professionally. Neutrally.
Youâve done harder things. Covered messier stories. Interviewed athletes who could barely string a sentence together. Sat through twelve-hour matches just to get three lines of gold. Writing about Sunghoon, someone you knowâknewâshould be easier. Right?
Wrong.
So incredibly, painfully wrong.
Because the moment you sit down to outline your first paragraph, every sentence you draft sounds clinical. Distant. Like youâre trying too hard to keep your voice out of it. But your voice is in it. Itâs everywhere. Between the lines, in the phrasing, in the careful omission of details only you would know.
You stare at the blinking cursor on your screen like itâs mocking you. Because no matter how objective you try to be, thereâs no deleting the fact that the man skating his way back into the spotlight is the same one who once skated straight out of your life.
And now you have to write about him like heâs just another assignment. Like he wasnât the one story you never really finished.
Still, youâre a professionalâand Park Sunghoon is nothing if not a compelling subject. Enigmatic, polished, untouchable. Every photo released of him looks like itâs been run through three rounds of edits and an entire PR teamâs approval. His public image is a masterclass in controlled narrative, curated to the last detail, but his backstory remains a blank canvas to most.
Well, not to you.
You have a folder of photos from when he was still just Sunghoonâbefore the endorsements, before Spain.Â
Sunghoon also never said you couldnât dive into his university life. And itâs not like he gave you much to work with anyway.
Thatâs fair game.
No media-trained responses, no glossy interview clipsâjust a black hole of the years he spent quietly grinding through lectures and training sessions, tucked far from the spotlight.Â
To the public, itâs a blank space. But to you? Itâs fertile ground. You were there. You knew the version of him who lived off convenience store food and energy drinks, who stayed up late tweaking final projects and icing swollen ankles at the same time. You knew the boy who forgot to reply to emails but remembered to text you good luck before your presentations.Â
You know the difference between the way he smiles for cameras and the one that used to slip out mid-yawn, when his guard was down. You know the scar above his ankleânot because itâs ever been mentioned in press, but because you were there when he got it, wrapping it in gauze while he hissed through gritted teeth. You know how he taps his fingers when heâs nervous. How he tightens his jaw before speaking truths he doesn't want to admit. How his laugh used to crack in the middle when something really got to him, how his voice used to trip over words when he was excited or flusteredânot like the carefully paced cadence he gives the media now.
He may have grown into a mystery, but once upon a time, he was the most knowable person in your life.
So yeah, you dig. Not out of spite. Not exactly. Youâre just doing your job. Sourcing old event flyers, class photos, public records, and a few strategically placed emails to former professors and classmates. You tell yourself itâs just researchânothing personal. Just building a fuller picture for the piece. The audience deserves depth. Authenticity. A glimpse of the man behind the athlete.
Besides, itâs not like youâre digging for scandal. Youâre just⊠revisiting old ground.
Still, there's something undeniably sharp about the way your fingers move as you pull up archived yearbooks and student publication blurbs. How your lips twitch at the memory of him stumbling through a group presentation in first-year psych, cheeks red, voice shaking as he tried to explain semiotics with a skating metaphor. The same boy who once dropped his cue cards and muttered, âIâm better on ice, I swear,â to a room that actually laughed with him.Â
And maybeâjust maybeâit wouldn't hurt to slip the story into the draft. Tactfully. Casually. A humanising touch. A reminder to the world that he wasnât always so untouchable.
You add a line about his time at university, his balancing act between training and lectures, the quiet discipline that preceded his fame. And though itâs not in your style to get sentimental, you let yourself write one soft line, just one.
You keep it sharp. Clean. Balanced. The words come easily, like muscle memory. You stitch together the facts, layer in the charm, and add a sprinkle of speculation where itâs appropriateâjust enough to give readers something to chew on. You reference his decorated track record, his quiet re-entry into the spotlight, the way his name is starting to echo through rinks again like a whispered rumour of greatness returning.
You even write about the growing murmur among commentators: that Park Sunghoon might just be gearing up for a full-blown comeback.
Even though he told youâspecifically, clearlyâthat he wasnât prepping for the season.
But facts donât sell as well as fantasy. And heâs always been better as a myth than a man.
So you keep your voice light. Objective. Not too close, not too distant. Just enough ambiguity to make it seem like youâre on the outside looking in. Just enough plausible deniability to protect you from the truth threaded beneath every line. You write him like a legend resurrected. Like someone who left the world breathless, disappeared, and is now daring to return.
Before you know it, you're signing it off.
And as you read over the final draftâflawless, well-paced, and entirely detachedâyou canât help but feel the faintest pulse of something beneath your skin.
Because this isnât just a story about Park Sunghoon.
Itâs a story about how well you still know him.
And how expertly youâve learned to pretend you donât.
You donât even attempt to read it over another time. You just hit send.
The email whirs off to your editor, and with it, the story. Not the whole one. Not the one you carry in your chest like an old wound. Just the one the world gets to see.
And if he reads itâ
Well.
Let him wonder how much of the truth you chose to leave out.
[MANIFESTO EXCLUSIVE]
The Ice Doesnât Melt: A Closer Look at Park Sunghoonâs Return to Korea
By Kang Y/N, Manifesto Daily
Three years since his last appearance on home soil, South Koreaâs beloved figure skater Park Sunghoon has returnedânot with the fanfare some expected, but with a quiet presence that speaks volumes. After a two-season absence from competitive performance, Park, now 27, has chosen to settle in Seoul again, sparking both curiosity and speculation among fans and professionals alike.
âI needed something familiar,â he said during our brief but telling interview, when asked about his decision to return. He didnât specify more than that, and true to form, left the rest hanging in the air unsaid.
Park Sunghoon has always been a study in restraintâon and off the ice. From the moment he first captured public attention as a prodigious teen gliding across the rink with terrifying precision, he has maintained an image both pristine and impenetrable. Nicknamed âThe Ice Princeâ by fans and media alike, Park built a reputation not just on technical skill, but on his ability to keep the world at armâs length.
His return to Korea comes on the heels of years spent overseasâSpain, to be exactâwhere he reportedly trained under a discreet but rigorous programme with world renowned Coach Alex Morales.
Park was last seen in competitive skating during the 2023 Grand Prix, where he shocked the world by abruptly withdrawing from the final. At the time, he was considered a strong contender for the gold, making his sudden exit all the more startling. The incident was never formally addressed by his management, and Park himself has avoided discussing it altogether. The silence that followed only fuelled speculationâinjury, burnout, conflictâbut no answers ever came. Just absence.
Still, those whoâve recently spotted him during early morning solo sessions at the Seoul Ice Arena report that his technique is sharper, cleanerâalmost startling in its control. But what truly draws attention is the absence of spectacle. No press conference, no sponsor-driven welcome, no grand statement announcing his intentions. Just quiet re-entry.
âHe doesnât skate like someone preparing for a comeback,â one former coach, who requested anonymity, shared. âHe skates like someone trying to remember why he loved it in the first place.â
Yet, itâs not just his time abroad that shaped the man returning now. Long before the endorsements and Olympic buzz, Park had quietly juggled his dual identity as both athlete and student. Few fans are aware that between competition seasons, he completed a degree in media and communication at a local university. Classmates from that time recall him as a quiet presenceâalways punctual, often reserved, but not unfriendly. He kept to himself for the most part, but those who got close remember his dry humour, his encyclopaedic knowledge of classic film, and a surprising tendency to ramble nervously during group presentations.
âHe once tried to explain a semiotic theory using a skating routine as an analogy,â one classmate laughed. âIt didnât make much sense, but he was so earnest about it, we just let him finish. After that, he was known as the âsemiotic boyâ among our coursemates.â
Those stories paint a softer, more human picture of the man the public still views as near-mythic. But those who knew Park Sunghoon before the spotlight remember someone more boy than mythâequal parts unsure and brilliant, like he hadnât quite figured out how to carry the weight of his own potential. Just a young man balancing essays and exhibitions. Late-night editing sessions and early morning ice drills.
This return has reignited questions about what Park wants nowâwhat comes after the medals, the global tours, and the silence that followed. His name still commands weight, still trends with the slightest public appearance, yet thereâs a noticeable shift in how he carries it. Less prince. More person.
Thereâs been no official word on whether Park will rejoin the competitive circuit, though murmurs within the skating community suggest heâs been quietly invited to participate in the upcoming 2026 Winter Olympics team tryouts. Whether he intends to accept remains unclearâPark has neither confirmed nor denied the rumours, keeping his future as intentionally unreadable as ever.
And perhaps thatâs the story. Not a triumphant return. Not a redemption arc. But presence. The act of being. The quiet audacity of choosing stillness in a world that only ever celebrated his movement.
In many ways, Park Sunghoon remains an enigma. But for those whoâve followed his journey, that isnât new. Whatâs new is the version of him that doesnât seek to melt the iceâbut instead, has learned to live with it.
Only time will tell what that means for the future of figure skatingâs most elusive son.
âOur dear Y/N, youâve done it again.â
Applause breaks out the second your foot crosses the threshold of the office. Itâs 9 a.m.âtoo early, too loud, and at least three hours behind the amount of sleep you need to properly function. You blink, trying to place what exactly youâre being celebrated for.
âBravo. That was an excellent article,â Minju, the teamâs ever-enthusiastic publicist, grins as he pats you on the shoulder in passing.
Oh.
That was going out today?
You didnât even have your morning coffee yet.
By the time youâve dropped your bag onto your desk and opened your laptop, your inbox is already a mess. The subject lines blur together:
[RE] Manifesto Exclusive â Park Sunghoon
IS HE BACK FOR REAL??
The Ice Prince has feelings??
Thank you for this. I cried.
You open a few out of morbid curiosity. Fans are flooding your public inbox with praise, speculation, andâbecause the internet is the internetâseveral unsolicited theories about a secret marriage and a love child. Your copy editor, Moka, forwards you one with the subject line: âif he doesnât want to melt, iâll melt FOR him.â
On social media, itâs even worse. Or better. Youâre not sure yet.
His name is trending. #ParkSunghoon.
Followed closely by #IcePrinceReturns, and the truly cringy #TheColdDoesntBotherHoonAnyway.
Tweets fly across your feed:
@/ice_princess: this article just made me want to lie face down in the snow and whisper Park Sunghoonâs name to the frost
@/manifesto_daily_stan: Kang y/n iâm free on thursday if you want to do godâs work again
@/plscomebackhoon: she said he doesnât need to melt. he just needs to exist. do you HEAR that??? DO YOU.
And somehow, thatâs exactly what everyone needed.
Editors are thrilled. Readers are emotional. Former skaters are sharing it. Someone on Twitter even called it âthe most human thing written about an athlete in years,â and you donât know whether to be flattered or panicked.
Because it wasnât meant to be that personal.Â
Not really.
And yetâhow could it not be?
You told the truth, sure. The visible one. But between the lines, there were pieces of you too. Tiny, hidden echoes of everything you remembered and everything you refused to say. And now itâs out thereâimmortalised in print and pixelsâbeing consumed by people who will never know what you left out.
Youâre halfway through scrolling a tweet thread titled â25 Times Park Sunghoon Looked Like a Heartbroken Studio Ghibli Protagonistâ when a new email notification pops up.
You open it, already bracing yourself for either legal threats or sarcasm.
Hey.
Took your email off the internet, hope you don't mind.
Nice article. Although, I don't think I approved any of those pictures you used in it. Especially the one where Iâm mid-blink and look like I just saw God. Bold choice.
P.S. You really quoted my classmate calling me âsemiotic boyâ? Thatâs... deeply unnecessary.
You stare at the screen, lips twitching despite yourself.
Itâs so himâpassive-aggressive, smug, and annoyingly charming. The kind of email only Park Sunghoon would send instead of just texting like a normal person.
At the bottom, thereâs no sign-off. No best regards, no sincerely, not even a name.
Just one final line, added like an afterthought:
You still overuse em-dashes, by the way.
You exhale a laugh. God, of course he noticed that.
You stare at the screen, blinking. Once. Twice.
Of all the emails you expected todayâfrom eager fans, nosy editors, one conspiracy theorist convinced Sunghoon is a time travellerâthis was not on the list.
You lean back in your chair, arms crossed, rereading the message like it might change if you blink hard enough. But no. Still the same. Still signed off with zero punctuation, zero emotion, and 100% Sunghoon.
You scoff.
[email protected]. You canât get over it. You donât know whatâs worseâthe fact that he still uses the nickname heâs allegedly ânot fond of,â or the fact that he sent this at 9:46 in the morning, as if heâs just casually emailing his accountant and not the ex-girlfriend who roasted his public persona to poetic effect.
Bold choice, he says.
This, from the man who once wore leather gloves indoors during summer and called it âa vibe.â
And semiotic boy? That quote was gold. If anything, he should be thanking you for making him sound like an emotionally tortured academic with cheekbones.
Still⊠your fingers hover over the keyboard.
The sensible part of you says to delete it. Or at the very least, archive it and go refill your coffee. You already got your exclusive. You did your job. The storyâs out there, and itâs done.
But the curious part of youâthe one that still knows how he takes his coffee, still remembers the shape of his laughâcanât help but wonder what this email really means.
You donât respond. Not yet.
But you donât delete it either.
You just stare at the screen, lips pressed together, and whisper to yourselfâ
You exhale, shoulders easing slightly when you notice the queue is short. You move toward the counter, already calculating how much espresso you can legally ingest in one sitting, when a voice calls out from the seating area.
âDidnât get my email?â The tone is casualâannoyingly casual. âOr did you read it and purposely decide not to respond?â
You freeze mid-step.
No wayâŠ
You turn, slowlyâlike you're afraid if you move too fast, the moment will solidify into something real youâre not ready for.
And there he is.
Park Sunghoon.
Heâs standing just a few feet away, leaning with practiced ease against the edge of a table like he belongs there, like he hasnât just completely upended your morning, looking frustratingly well-rested for someone who supposedly prefers early ice sessions. Heâs dressed casuallyâblack coat draped over a fitted charcoal jumper, those black-rimmed glasses he used to wear in university when he was trying to be invisible. But he was never very good at that.
His gaze locks with yoursâcalm, steady, unreadableâand it takes everything in you not to let your expression betray the punch of memory hitting you square in the chest.
âYouâve got to be kidding me,â you mutter, half under your breath.
âSorry?â he says, feigning innocence.
âNothing,â you say quickly, crossing your arms, trying to compose yourself. âJust⊠surprised...â
âSurprised to see me,â he says, finishing the thought as if heâs been rehearsing it in his head.Â
âYeah, at my coffee spot,â you sneer, narrowing your eyes. âWhat, are you stalking me?â
He gestures lazily toward the table behind him, where a half-drunk latte sits beside a copy of some obscure paperback youâre certain heâs only pretending to read. âI was here first. Technically.â
You smile, tight-lipped, the professional mask slipping neatly into place. âWell, I apologise if you felt like I had something against you. I get thousands of emails every dayâyour mail mustâve just gotten lost in the flood of junk mail. If it was really that urgent, you couldâve just texted.â
Itâs a big, fat lie. You wonât even pretend otherwise. You read it. Multiple times. But youâre not about to give him the satisfaction of knowing that.Â
His response is immediate. âYou changed your number a few years ago. Didnât leave much choice.â
The way he says it is deliberate, a little too sharp around the edges, like heâs been holding onto that fact longer than heâd care to admit. And what is he implying? That heâs tried contacting you over the years? What for?
You raise an eyebrow. âRight. And instead of, I donât know, asking your assistant for itâyou know, the same assistant I literally emailed last weekâyou thought it would be less invasive to go digging through old contact forms and hope I still checked my public inbox?â
He shrugs again, shameless. âIt was surprisingly easy. And I figured itâd be less awkward than asking someone for it directly.â
Then, mercifully, the barista calls out for the next person in lineâthatâs you.
You move instinctively toward the counter, but before you can even begin to open your mouth, heâs already there, casually stepping beside you.
âLong black,â Sunghoon says, voice smooth as ever. âMake it a double shot.â
You turn your head slowly, eyes wide. âYou remember my order.â
He doesnât flinch. âSome things are hard to forget. Especially if it's the most atrocious coffee order known to mankind.â
And just like that, youâre thrown. Not by the gesture, but by the way he says itâlike it means something. Like maybe he's not just here to pester you about emails and profile photos. Like maybe thereâs something else behind those carefully guarded eyes.
But you're not ready to unpack that. Not here. Not now.
So instead, you nod stiffly, and say nothing.
Not because you have nothing to sayâ
But because you know, with Park Sunghoon, even the smallest word might start something youâre not sure youâre ready to finish.
Youâre still reeling from the fact that he remembers minuscule detailsâlike the exact way you take your coffeeâwhen he casually steps in front of you and pays for it before you can even open your mouth to protest.
âYou didnât have to,â you say, surprised but keeping your voice neutral.
He waves it off, already pocketing the receipt like itâs no big deal. âStill have no idea how you even drink that shit,â he mutters, eyeing the dark brew with a look of theatrical disgust. âBut consider it a compliment. For the article. It was⊠good.â
You glance up at him over the rim of your cup as you take your first sip, letting the heat hit your hands before the taste even registers. âJust good?â
He shrugs, nonchalant, but thereâs a flicker of amusement in his eyes. âYou didnât use my best angles.â
You pause, lips curving slightly. âOh, donât worry,â you reply smoothly. âIâm saving those for the next feature: Park Sunghoonâs Top 10 Most Smug Expressions.â
That earns a laugh from himâgenuine and unguardedâand it catches you off guard. Not the manufactured chuckle he gives in interviews. Not the polite, PR-approved smile. This is real. Honest. The kind of laugh you havenât heard in years, the kind that used to sneak up on you in moments that felt weightless.
It hits you like hearing a song you forgot you lovedâfamiliar and warm, laced with a nostalgia you werenât ready for. A reminder of the version of him that existed before all the distance, before the silences, before the press statements and polished answers.
You donât say anything in response. Just shoot him a look over the rim of your cup. A quiet donât push it.
He meets your gaze, and for a beat, neither of you speaks. Then he nods, like he understands exactly what youâre not saying.
And somehow, that nod feels like the most honest thing exchanged between you all morning.
He knows he probably shouldnât have emailed. The moment he hit send, there was a part of him that regretted it. But then again, heâs never been particularly good at letting things go quietlyânot when it comes to you. Not when the silence between you has always felt more like a wound than a clean break.
Itâs been years since the breakup. Long enough, he thinks, that you should both be able to function like civil adults. Maybe not friends, but at least... acquaintances. Whatever that word means when itâs wrapped in history and the kind of silence thatâs never quite neutral.
His phone buzzes once against his chest, and he lifts it almost automaticallyâmore out of habit than hope, not expecting much. Maybe a curt response, a one-liner soaked in professionalism, something non-committal that closes the loop without opening any new ones.
But what he finds isnât quite that.
His eyes skim the message quickly the first time, catching on your usual clipped humour, your dry phrasing. Then he sees the P.S.âand it stops him cold.
He stares at the line, the digits at the end anchoring his attention. His thumb hovers over the screen, then lowers.
He reads it again. Then again.
It takes him a moment to process that you didnât just replyâyou invited a reply. Not in so many words, but you didnât have to.
He blinks, the message still glowing softly in the palm of his hand, and feels something shiftâsubtle, but undeniable.
You had tried to play it off with that lineââonly if itâs urgentââlike it was a formality, a throwaway detail tossed in for the sake of convenience. But Sunghoon knows you better than that.
You donât do anything without intention.
Even back then, when things were good, your words were measuredânever careless. Whether it was drafting an essay or choosing what to say during a fight, you always calculated the weight of your words before you let them go. He used to admire that about you, even when it frustrated him. Especially when it frustrated him.
So no, he doesnât believe the number was a casual addition. Not from you. Not after all this time. You wanted him to see it. You wanted him to know.
He sits up slowly, the email still open in his hand, thumb brushing absentmindedly over the edge of the screen. For a second, he considers calling. Just to hear your voice againâto see if it sounds any different now that everything between you has changed.
But he doesnât.
Instead, he just quietly saves the number into his contactsâY/N, no emojis, no titles. Just your name, plain and familiar, like itâs never really left his phone at all.
His thumb hovers for a moment as the screen confirms the entry, and then he leans back, eyes flicking toward the ceiling, letting his mind wanderâalmost involuntarilyâthrough an absurd list of scenarios.
He snorts softly.
What counts as urgent, exactly?
Would âit was raining and thought of youâ qualify? Or maybe, âaccidentally bought your favourite chips at the convenience store and theyâre expiring tomorrowâ?
His mouth twitches at the thought, the corner of a smile he doesnât let fully form.
Heâs not going to reach outânot tonight. Whatever this fragile, undefined space is between you now, he doesnât want to risk crowding it too soon. He knows better than to force something still learning how to exist.
But the number is there now, quietly saved, tucked away like a folded letter waiting for the right moment to be opened. And thatâsimple as it isâis more than he had before.
So he stays where he is, stretched across the quiet of his apartment, letting the silence lingerânot as a weight, but as something strangely tender. Something almost sacred. Because it no longer feels like the end of something.
It feels like the pause before a beginning.
And he waits.
Just like you did for him all those years ago.
The airport is chaos, as airports always areâthe dull roar of overlapping conversations, the mechanical drawl of flight announcements overhead, the clatter of suitcase wheels rolling over the slick, polished floors. But somehow, in the middle of it all, it feels like thereâs a bubble around the two of you, a quiet space carved out by the sheer force of everything youâre not saying.
Sunghoon stands a few feet away from the security gate, backpack slung over one shoulder, his boarding pass crumpled slightly in his hand from how tightly heâs holding it. Mr and Mrs Park are with him, tearfully fussing over their sonâMrs Park tugging at the hem of the jacket that's too big for him, hanging awkwardly off his frame in a way that makes him look both older and younger at the same timeâlike heâs already halfway into another life and trying to pretend he isnât scared.
You stand nearby too, arms crossedânot out of defiance, but because itâs the only way you can keep yourself from falling apart. You donât trust your hands otherwise.
When Sunghoon finally turns to you, you force yourself to smile.
âYouâll do great,â you say, forcing your voice to stay steady even though the lump in your throat makes it hard to breathe.
He smiles at thatâa soft, tired thing that doesnât quite reach his eyes.
âI donât know about that,â he says, laughing under his breath, glancing down at his shoes like the words he really wants to say are hiding somewhere in the scuffed leather.
Your heart twists painfully at the sight.
And then he steps closer, close enough that you have to tilt your head back to look at him properly, close enough that you can see every crease of worry etched into his usually smooth expression.
âCan youâŠâ he starts, then falters, running a hand through his hair the way he always does when heâs nervous. âWill you wait for me?â
The words hang between you, raw and clumsy and completely un-Sunghoon-like. No flourish. No ice. Just a boy asking for something he doesnât know how to promise in return.
You look at him thenânot the rising athlete, not the polished skater everyone else seesâbut the boy who once spent three hours helping you build a wobbly IKEA desk, who remembered exactly how you take your coffee, who mumbled useless astronomy facts at two in the morning when neither of you could sleep.
And you nod.
Because how could you say no?
âOf course,â you say.
He exhales, and for a moment, it looks like he wants to say something moreâsomething that could make this easier, something that could anchor you to the idea that this distance will be temporary, survivable. But whatever it is, he swallows it down.
Instead, he squeezes your hand once, quick and clumsy, like heâs afraid that if he holds on any longer, he wonât be able to let go at all.
Then he steps back. One step. Two. The space between you widens in a way that feels irreversible.
You stand there, rooted to the spot, as he turns toward the security line, his figure blending into the tide of travellers wheeling suitcases and juggling passports. He doesn't look back, and you tell yourself thatâs a good thingâthat itâs easier this way.
You donât realise youâre holding your breath until his silhouette finally disappears around a corner, swallowed up by the sterile white lights and directional signs pointing toward Departures.
Only then do you let yourself breathe out, shaky and slow.
The airport continues moving around youâannouncements, crying babies, the low thrum of engines preparing to carry people across oceansâbut somehow, it feels like everything inside you has stilled. Like the moment he walked away, something small and quiet inside you went with him.
You watch another plane lift off in the distance, disappearing into the clouds. And even after his parents insists you go home, you stay a little longer, long enough for the ache to settle, long enough to be sure you wonât cry until youâre safely back in the taxi home. Pretending that saying âof courseâ didnât cost you more than you could admit at the time.
Because if thereâs one thing you promised him, and yourself, itâs that you would be strong enough to wait.
Except you didnât know what waiting would mean at that time.
You were confident this long-distance thing could work.
After all, at that point, you and Sunghoon had been dating for over three years. You knew each otherâs routines, each otherâs moods, each otherâs silences. You had weathered exams, competitions, internships, stupid fights about stupid thingsâsurely, you thought, an ocean between you couldnât undo what you had built.
You believed that love, real love, was supposed to be enough.
But love, you will learn, isnât always louder than distance.
And sometimes, people leaveânot because they stop loving you, but because their dreams need a bigger sky than you can give them.
You told yourself the time difference was just an inconvenience. That the occasional missed calls, the shorter texts, the longer silences were normal. That he was just busy. Tired. Adjusting.
And for a while, you made it work.
You sent each other photosâyour morning coffee, his late-night practices. You had clumsy video calls where the signal dropped and youâd laugh and call each other back like it was no big deal. You celebrated tiny victories over Wi-Fi connections, reassured yourselves that the months would pass quickly, that this was temporary.
You even started saving for plane tickets, bookmarking dates and circling holidays on your calendar, telling anyone who asked that yes, it was hard, but yes, it was worth it.
You meant it.
You meant every word.
But what they donât tell you about long distanceâthe thing you only learn the hard wayâis that sometimes love isnât enough when the other person starts building a life youâre no longer part of in the daily, ordinary ways. When your names are still tied together but your days stop overlapping. When missing someone becomes part of your routine instead of your exception.
And Sunghoonâsweet, steady, ambitious Sunghoonâwas chasing a dream that required all of him.
There wasnât much left over.
Not for you. Not for the late-night phone calls he stopped picking up. Not for the promises that started to stretch thinner and thinner until they broke without either of you realising it at first.
You waited.
You waited longer than you should have.Â
And even now, some stubborn, aching part of you still remembers how sure you were at that airport when you said, of course.
Because you werenât just waiting for him to come back. You were waiting for the version of him that leftâto stay the same.
But some things, youâve learned, arenât meant to be held in place.
And some people, no matter how tightly you hold onto them, will always belong to a future you donât get to walk into with them.
Now, sitting at your desk, staring at the faint glow of the monitor, you canât help but drag a hand over your face in frustration. God. What was I thinking?
You lean back in your chair, the cheap leather groaning under the movement, and close your eyes for a moment, wishing you could rewind the last ten minutes and snatch the email back before it left your outbox. Before it could make you look like the fool you swore you wouldnât be again.
Because re-reading it now, all you can see is desperation threaded between the lines. You might as well have stamped please still care about me in bold at the bottom.
You told yourself it was nothing. A witty reply. A polite thanks for the coffee. A number offered up casuallyâas if you wouldnât notice whether he used it or not.
But you know better.
And so would he.
The truth is, no matter how many years have passed, no matter how much you've convinced yourself you've moved on, a part of you still folds too easily around him. Still softens at the memory of a boy who once asked you to wait for him, and the girl you wereâthe one foolish enough to believe that waiting would be enough.
You hate that about yourself sometimes. Hate that a few casual words from him, a coffee, an email, still have the power to make you feel like youâre standing in that airport all over again, arms crossed against your chest, watching him walk away.
You open your eyes, exhaling slowly. The office hums around youâphones ringing, fingers tapping on keyboards, Yunah shouting about deadlines across the bullpenâand youâre struck by how absurd it is that your life has continued without him, and yet he still feels like an unfinished chapter you never really closed.
You tell yourself itâs fine. That heâll probably ignore the number. That heâll chalk it up to courtesy and leave it at that.
But deep down, you know itâs too late for pretending.
Because no matter how you dress it upâwitty, polite, indifferentâyou handed him a door. And now, whether he steps through it or not, youâll have to live with the fact that you opened it first.
The days pass, slow and uneven, the way they always do when youâre waiting for something youâre trying to pretend youâre not waiting for.
You throw yourself into workâchurning out profiles, editing pieces that arenât yours, picking up assignments nobody else wants just to fill the spaces in your mind. You sit through endless editorial meetings, nodding at all the right moments, scribbling half-hearted notes in the margins of your planner like it matters. You grab late-night convenience store dinners with Minju and Yunah, laughing at their jokes even when your chest feels hollow.
You live.
You function.
You check your email more often than necessary, always under the excuse of work, even though you know exactly what youâre hoping to find. You flick through your phone sometimes tooâhalf-scrolling through newsfeeds, half-wondering if maybe, just maybe, thereâll be a notification that isnât there.
But Sunghoon doesnât reply. No email. No text. No missed call.
Nothing.
And slowly, inevitably, you start to fold the hope away. The way you fold an old jumper you know youâll never wear again but canât quite bring yourself to throw out.
You told him he could reach out only if it was urgent. And clearly, youâre not urgent.
Maybe you never were.
And you take it as a signâmaybe the only sign youâre going to getâthat you should finally do yourself a favour and move on.
Because apparently, you havenât. Not really. Not after all this time. You didnât expect his return to unravel you like thisâto pull at threads you thought you had stitched up long ago. But it has. And you canât pretend anymore.
So youâll move on for real this time. Not the half-hearted version where you paste on smiles and throw yourself into late nights at the office, where you tell your friends youâre fine while secretly checking your phone at red lights, while pretending you donât still wonder if he thinks about you too. Not the kind where you fold the memory of him into smaller, quieter compartments of your mind, pretending it's just nostalgia, not hope.
No, this time, you tell yourself, it will be the real kindâthe clean break, the neat ending.
And for a while, you almost believe it.
Until your phone buzzes, cutting through the quiet.
Just a single, unremarkable vibration against the desk, one you almost ignoreâbecause itâs late, because youâre tired, because youâre used to the world asking for pieces of you at all hours now. You glance at the screen without thinking, already preparing to swipe it away like a dozen other notifications.
But then you see it.
Unknown Number.
For a moment, your brain stalls, fumbling for a rational explanationâmaybe itâs a delivery update, maybe itâs a scam, maybe itâs one of those automated text from some subscription you forgot to cancel.
Still, your hand moves on instinct, betraying every rational excuse you try to conjure.
You unlock your phone.
And you read:
Hey. Itâs me.
Not sure if this counts as urgent.
But... I saw something today that made me think of you.
Do you have time?
Your breath catches in your throat, sharp and sudden, and the world around you blurs for a secondâthe hum of fluorescent lights overhead, the muffled buzz of printers, the distant tap-tap-tap of someone typing across the officeâall of it fading under the weight of those few simple lines.
You read it again. And again. As if the words might rearrange themselves into something else if you look long enough.
But they donât.
Itâs him. Sunghoon.Â
Reaching out not because he had to. Not because it was "urgent."
But because he thought of you.
And even though your mind races ahead with every reason you should be cautious, with every reminder of how long it took to rebuild the parts of yourself he once splintered, you already knowâdeep in your chest, in the place you don't let logic touchâthat youâre going to answer.
You donât let yourself overthink it this time.
No typing, erasing, retyping. No staring at the blinking cursor until it mocks you into silence. You just move your thumbs over the screen, letting instinct take the lead before the part of you thatâs scared has a chance to intervene.
You type:
You:
You should probably introduce yourself next time.
"Itâs me" doesnât really help if I donât already know how you text.
And depends.
Is it something worth hearing about?
You barely have time to set your phone down before it buzzes again.
Sunghoon:
Iâm free tonight if you are. Just coffee. Nothing crazy.
If you want.
There's also a favour I'd like to ask.
You sit there, blinking at the last line, reading it twice as your mind scrambles to catch up.Â
A favour?
It throws you off more than the coffee invitation itself. Coffee is easyâcoffee is surface-level, casual, the kind of thing you can chalk up to old acquaintances being civil. But a favour? A favour means intention. A favour means heâs thought about this. About you.
Your fingers hover over the keyboard, your pulse quickening in that annoyingly familiar way you wish you had outgrown by now. Youâre not naive enough to think this is anything more than it is. He probably just needs help connecting with someone, getting a contact, maybe even needs something for the press if heâs easing back into the public eye.
Still, a part of you hesitates.
Not because you donât want to go. But because youâre not sure if you trust yourself not to want more.
You take a breath, steadying your thumb over the screen.
You type:
You:
Where and what time?
The message sends before you can talk yourself out of it, and you drop your phone onto the desk, face down again, like itâs too hot to hold onto for even a second longer. You exhale a long, slow breath, staring up at the ceiling, trying to calm the restless beat of your heart.
Because tonight, you realise, youâre going to see him again.
Not as professionals. Not as a lingering what-if. Not as a name floating in your inbox or coincidental meetings.
But real. Present.
And no matter how much you tell yourself that youâre readyâthat youâre different nowâyou know a part of you is still bracing for impact.
Itâs your spotâhe knows that now. He also knows you probably donât come here because the coffee is any goodâyou always made that clear with a scrunched nose and a dry comment about âcaffeine being caffeineââbut because itâs close, convenient, easy to fold into your day without having to think too hard.
He settles into a table near the window, where the soft spill of the sunset stretches across the tabletop in muted golds and pinks. He sits with his backpack slung over the back of the chair, a cup of hot tea resting untouched in front of him, and for a brief moment, he looks less like the man youâve been writing aboutâand more like the boy you used to know.
He wasn't a hundred percent sure you'd say yes to meeting him. When he sent that message, part of him assumed it would disappear into the void, swallowed up by everything unsaid between you.Â
But you answered. And you did in the way you always didâdry, sharp, a little guardedâbut underneath it all, you answered.
He glances at the door again, even though he knows itâs still early. His knee bounces under the table, betraying the nervous energy he canât shake, no matter how carefully he tries to hide it under indifference.
Maybe tonight wonât fix anything. Hell, itâs not meant to.
But youâre showing up.
And somehow, that already feels like more than he deserves.
The bell above the door chimes, sharp and familiar, cutting through the low hum of conversation and clinking cups.
Sunghoon feels a tight tug in his chest, something that pulls and aches all at once, because he remembers.
He remembers how you used to tease him for always choosing the seats against the wall, how you said he acted like a cat looking for the best vantage point, somewhere he could see everything without being seen himself.
He remembers you pretending to sulk when he dragged you to the corner booths instead of the bright window seats you preferredâand how, secretly, you never really minded.
And now, without even thinking, youâre still looking for him in the places where you remember him being.
And without even realising, he had chosen a place where he remembered you liking.
He doesnât call out to you.
He just watches.
Watches the slight purse of your lips when you donât spot him right away. Watches the way your fingers tap lightly against the strap of your bagâan old nervous habit heâd forgotten he rememberedâlike your body is leaking out the anxiety you refuse to show on your face.
And God, you lookâ
You look pretty.
Not in the polished, deliberate way people try to look when they know theyâre being watched.
You look real.
Soft in the fading light, like the world around you hasnât quite caught up to you yet. Your hair a little mussed from the breeze outside, your cheeks flushed with the leftover heat of the setting sun. Thereâs a quietness to you, a rawnessâlike youâre still made of the same stubborn hope and sharp edges he used to love, except time has worn them softer, gentler, more dangerous in ways he doesnât even have the words for.
You look like a memory heâs been trying not to miss.
You look like the version of you heâs been carrying around all these yearsâ
Real. Tired, maybe. A little guarded. But still luminous in a way he canât describe without sounding ridiculous, without pulling old, unfinished feelings up from the place he thought heâd buried them for good.
Something shifts in his chest, painful and sweet all at once.
Because in the handful of minutes heâs spent sitting here convincing himself to stay calm, convincing himself that this was just coffee and nothing moreâyouâve walked through the door and reminded him, without trying, exactly why forgetting you had never really been an option.
He straightens slightly in his chair, the leg of the table bumping softly against his knee.
And for a momentâjust a momentâSunghoon forgets why heâs here at all.
Sunghoon watches the hesitation flicker across your faceâthe way you linger a fraction too long at every corner booth, the way your fingers brush nervously against the hem of your jacket, like youâre grounding yourself without even realising it.
And thenâfinallyâyour gaze catches his.
The moment stretches, taut and delicate, like a held breath.
You blink, as if to double-check itâs really him. Your lips part slightly in surprise, a faint hitch of breath visible even from where heâs sitting, and for a second, neither of you moves, both suspended in that thin, brittle space where time slows down just enough to make you feel the weight of it.
You glance at the window beside him, your eyes catching the reflection of the streetlights bleeding into the glass, and for a moment, confusion flickers briefly across your face.
Thatâs why you didnât spot him immediately when you walked in.
You werenât looking by the windowsâyou never had to.
And without him saying a word about it, you realise itâanother small, unconscious version of Park Sunghoon you were still holding onto without even realising it.Â
A version you thought was set in stone, carved into your memories.Â
A version you never prepared yourself to outgrow.
Sunghoon doesnât smile. He doesnât look away.
He just meets your gaze head-on, steady and quiet, letting the moment settle between you without rushing to fill it with anything easy or safe.
You square your shoulders after a heartbeat too long, forcing your body into motion, and start making your way towards him. Your steps are measured, careful, almost cautious, but thereâs no mistaking the way your fingers clench slightly against the strap of your bag, no hiding the guarded look in your eyes that says youâre still ready to turn around and walk away if this goes wrong.
He stays seated as you approach, watching you close the distance between you, something tight and aching lodged in his chest, something heâs too afraid to name yet.
When you reach the table, you donât sit down right away.
You just stand there, staring at him for a moment longer, as if trying to gauge how much of the boy you used to love is still sitting there, underneath the polished surface heâs learned to wear like a second skin.
âYou found me,â he says, voice low and almost shy, like he's not sure if he's allowed to sound relieved.
You shrug, shifting your weight onto your other foot. âDidnât think youâd make it so easy,â you reply, your tone light, almost teasing, but thereâs no real bite behind the wordsâjust a tired kind of fondness that feels too familiar, too stubborn to shake.
And just like that, some of the tension splintersâ
Not all of it.
Not enough to call this easy.
But enough to remind both of you why youâre here.
Wordlessly, you pull out the chair across from him and sit down, setting your bag carefully by your feet.
Sunghoonâs hand twitches slightly against his cup, the tea inside long cold by now, but he doesnât seem to notice.
You fold your hands in your lap, lift your chin just a little, and say, âAlright. Youâve got my time. Letâs hear it.â
âYouâre not even curious what reminded me of you?â Sunghoon asks, one brow lifted, his voice dipping into that familiar, teasing cadence you used to know so well.
Of course youâre curious. Of course your mind has been spinning endless possibilities from the second you read his first text. But youâre not about to hand that over to him so easilyânot when youâre still trying to convince yourself youâre not sitting here half-holding your breath.
You lean back slightly in your chair, crossing one leg over the other in an easy, breezy posture you absolutely donât feel, and shrug. âWhat reminded the oh-so-charismatic Ice Prince of me?â
The corner of his mouth lifts into a smirkâthe same infuriating, boyish smirk that once had the power to completely undo you, the one you thought time and bitterness would have dulled. It hasnât. Not even a little.
He doesnât say anything right away.
Instead, he reaches into the inside pocket of his coat, moving slowly, drawing out the suspense just because he knows itâll get under your skin.Â
When he pulls out a small box and sets it gently on the table between you, you blink down at it in surprise.
Itâs a Popmart blind box.
The exact kind you used to collect like trophies after long study sessions or bad days, back when you needed small, ridiculous joys to get you through.
You stare at the familiar design, the cutesy pastel art printed on the cardboard, the gleaming plastic seal still unbrokenâand for a second, itâs like the years peel away and youâre back in a different time, a different version of yourself. One who used to drag Sunghoon to random mall kiosks and lecture him on the probability rates of getting the secret rare figure, completely oblivious to how patient he was being with you.
He watches your reaction carefully, elbows propped lazily on the table, but his eyes are sharpâsearching.
âYouâre kidding,â you murmur, finally breaking the silence, your voice somewhere between disbelief and something softer, something a little too close to fondness.
He shrugs, that infuriating smirk deepening. âSaw it at a convenience store on my way to practice this morning.â
You shake your head, the smallest, almost unwilling laugh slipping out of you. âYou used to roast me for buying these.â
âAnd yet,â he says, tapping the box lightly with one finger, âI bought one almost every time I passed that Popmart near my place. For research purposes, obviously.â
You roll your eyes, but you canât fight the smile pulling at your lips, nor the way your chest tightens at the thought of itâhim, in another city, another life, still thinking of you in the small, quiet ways that mattered when words werenât enough.
For a moment, neither of you says anything. The box sits between you, unopened, full of some stupid, mass-produced trinket that somehow feels heavier than anything else in the room.
You glance up at him, and heâs already looking at youânot with expectation, not with the smugness you were half-braced forâbut with something quieter. Something careful.
âThank you,â you say, the words slipping out before you can overthink them, barely more than a whisper, but somehow steady. Itâs the only thing you can conjure in the moment, the only thing that feels honest and real enough to offer. Youâre a little surprised you manage to say it out loud at all, your throat tight with all the other things youâre not ready to admit.
Sunghoon leans back in his chair, his eyes bright with something that looks dangerously close to amusement as he tilts his head at you.
âItâs the least you could say,â he teases, tapping the box again with his fingertip, âafter I spent almost twenty dollars on that.â
The exaggerated grumble in his voice cracks the tension like a hairline fracture, and before you can stop yourself, a laugh escapes your lipsâshort, surprised, but real.
The sound of it seems to hit him harder than you expect.
For a second, he just stares at you, like heâs been momentarily stunned, like some long-frozen part of him is trying to remember how to breathe properly.
And if you werenât so caught up in trying to pull your own defences back into place, you might have noticed the way his posture softens, just slightly, as if the laugh is something fragile heâs afraid of shattering.
You smirk, shaking your head as you reach out and nudge the box with two fingers, sliding it just slightly toward you.
âYou bought this to bribe me into helping you with that favour, didnât you?â you say, lifting your gaze to meet his fully now, your voice laced with teasing accusation but your heart still hammering too hard against your ribs.
He has the audacity to look mock-offended, clutching his chest like youâve wounded him. âBribe?â he echoes. âWow. No faith in me at all.â
âYou literally showed up with a Popmart like some kind of peace offering-slash-negotiation tactic,â you point out, arching an eyebrow.
âAnd yetâŠâ he trails off, a slow grin tugging at his mouth, âyouâre still sitting here. Youâre still talking to me.â
You roll your eyes, but you canât help the way the corner of your mouth betrays you, tilting upward just enough for him to catch it.
He sees it.
Of course he does.
And somewhere, buried deep under the layers of sarcasm and half-healed scars, you know he feels it tooâthe tiny, reckless flicker of something that neither of you is quite brave enough to name yet.
âSo?â you prompt, your fingers idly tracing the rim of the coffee cup in front of you, the casualness in your voice a little too forced even to your own ears.
Sunghoon shifts in his seat, the easy smirk fading just slightly as he straightens, as if the weight of what heâs about to say demands a little more gravity.
âI wanted to ask if you could help me write another article,â he says, the words slow and deliberate, like heâs weighing each one carefully before letting it leave his mouth.
You blink, surprised but trying not to show it. âWhat about?â
He leans back, exhales once through his nose, and says it:
âIâm going to be participating in the Olympic tryouts.â
The announcement hits harder than you expect, knocking the air from your lungs for half a second. You sit up a little straighter, your mind racing to process it, because the last time you talked he was adamant he wasnât preparing for the season. He said it so easily, so convincingly, that you hadnât thought to press harder.
Sunghoon must catch the flicker of confusion across your face, because he adds quickly, almost defensively, âItâs not a comeback. Not really.â
You narrow your eyes slightly. âWhat do you mean?â
He pauses.
You can see itâthe hesitation. The way his shoulders tense just the slightest bit, the way he looks down at his hands like the answer is written somewhere in the faint lines of his palms.
âIââ he starts, then stops, chewing the inside of his cheek in frustration. His fingers curl lightly against the table, the same nervous tic heâs had since he was a teenager trying to explain why he bombed a practice session.
âI just need you to write the article for me,â he says instead, voice softer now, almost tentative. âPlease?â
Hereâs the thing about Sunghoon.
Heâs always been good at giving you just enoughâjust enough smiles, just enough softness, just enough quiet promises without ever saying the words aloudâto make you feel like maybe, just maybe, there was something sturdy here.
Something real.
Something worth holding onto.
And then, just when you reached for it, just when you let yourself believe you were on solid ground, he would pull back.
Carefully.
Effortlessly.
Leaving you standing there, empty-handed, wondering if you were the one who had leaned in too far, if you had asked for too much, if you had misread all of it from the start.
It wasnât cruelty.
It was worse than cruelty.
It was kindness, just enough to hurt. Just enough to make you doubt whether it was ever real.
You lean back slightly, arms crossing over your chest, not because you want to be defensive but because you need the distance, need something to ground you against the sudden rush of old feelings. âWhy me?â you ask, genuinely. âThe last time I wrote something for you, you were too busy complaining about the photos I used to actually say thank you.â
Itâs a weak jab, but you both know the real question youâre asking has nothing to do with photos.
Itâs why now?
Itâs why me, when you could have gone to anyone else?
Sunghoon meets your gaze without flinching, his expression surprisingly earnest.
âBecause,â he says simply, âI trust you.â
You open your mouth to say somethingâsomething sarcastic, something to deflectâbut he cuts you off before you can.
âI trust that you wonât spin this into something else. I trust that youâll tell it the way it is. Not the way people want to hear it. Not the way the sponsors or the federations want it dressed up.â His voice stays calm, but thereâs something raw underneath it, something that edges dangerously close to vulnerability. âJust⊠the truth. Thatâs all I want.â
You stare at him across the table, your fingers curling slightly around the rim of your cup, and for a moment, you don't say anything. You just sit there, letting the request hang in the air between you, heavy and trembling like a thread pulled too tight.
Part of youâthe part that's bruised and still sore from all the years of learning the hard wayâwants to say no. Wants to lean back in your chair, laugh it off, tell him to hire a better PR team like every other professional athlete with something to prove. Wants to remind him, and maybe yourself, that youâre not the same girl who would have dropped everything the moment he asked.
Because you know better now. You know how this story goes. You say yes, you step closer, you open the door just a crackâand he slips through, quietly, effortlessly, until you're standing in the wreckage again, wondering how you didnât see it coming.
But another part of youâthe stubborn part, the hopeful part you haven't managed to kill off no matter how hard you've triedâcanât quite look away from him. From the way heâs sitting there, tension riding his shoulders, fingers tapping a restless rhythm against his cup. From the way he askedâno bravado, no posturing, just a simple, almost clumsy honesty that feels so rare you almost don't know what to do with it.
You glance toward the window, watching the way the last blush of sunset catches against the glass, and for a moment you imagine what it would feel like to say yes.
Not because you owe him. Not because youâre chasing the past.
But because, somewhere deep down, you still believe in telling stories the way they deserve to be told.
You still believe some promises are worth making again, even if it terrifies you.
Your stomach twists, your chest aching with the sharpness of it, but you find yourself already knowing the answer before your mouth even moves.
You inhale slowly, letting the silence stretch for just a beat longer than necessary, then exhale through your nose, pushing aside the complicated tangle of feelings you don't have the energy to unravel tonight.
"Fine," you say at last, voice even, businesslike, like you're trying to convince both of you that this is just another assignment and not something heavier slipping under your skin. "Get your assistant to email me the details. Iâll personally send over the draft before pushing it to the editorial team."
You reach for your cup as you say it, needing something to do with your hands, something to anchor yourself to this new line youâre drawing in the sand.
But before you can even take a sip, Sunghoon leans forward slightly, resting his forearms on the table, his expression soft but firm in a way that pins you in place more effectively than anything else could.
âDon't bother,â he says simply. âYou can just publish it directly.â
You pause, the cup poised halfway to your mouth, his words hanging there between you like an invisible thread youâre not sure you want to pull. You lower the cup slowly, setting it back down against the saucer with a faint clink, buying yourself a second to think. To breathe. To understand.
You search his face for the catch, for the usual hesitation he so often laced into moments like thisâthose little cracks where you could see him calculating the safest move, the one that let him stay just close enough without ever being vulnerable.
But this time, thereâs none of that. Just him, sitting there, arms folded over the table, looking at you like heâs already decided.
"Are you sure?" you ask, the words slipping out lighter than you feel them. "No proofread? No management red flags?"
Sunghoonâs lips twitch into a smileâsmall, wry, but not mocking. If anything, he looks... relieved that you asked. Like he was expecting the pushback, maybe even hoping for it, because it means youâre still cautious enough to take this seriously.
"Iâm sure," he says simply.Â
A muscle ticks once in your jaw, the urge to press further bubbling up, but you force yourself to stop. And in itâs place, a lump forms in your throat, sharp and unexpected, because if thereâs one thing you didnât expect to find tonightâcertainly not here, not like thisâit was trust.
Not just trust in your professionalism. Not just trust in your writing.
Trust in you.Â
Because whatever else has changed, you can feel it: This matters to him.
Not the article. Not the media coverage.
This.
Reaching out to you.
Trusting you with the fragile, unfinished thing he's trying to build for himself again, knowing full well you could burn him with it.
And somehow, hearing him say itâso plainly, so quietlyâmakes it harder to breathe for a moment. Because even after everything, even after the distance and the silences and the growing pains you both carried separately, some part of him still sees you as the person who would protect his story. The way you once protected his heart.
And you donât know what terrifies you moreâthe fact that he still trusts you, or the fact that, deep down, you still want to be the person worthy of that trust.
It rattles something loose inside youâthe version of yourself you thought you had to kill off to survive him once.
You shift slightly in your seat, trying to hold onto your composure, trying not to let him see the way those simple wordsâthose few inches of offered faithâshake the foundation youâve been standing on for years.
"Alright," you say at last, keeping your voice light, controlled, even though your hands tremble ever so slightly beneath the table.
"But don't blame me if you don't like how candid I get."
Sunghoon smiles at that, the edges of his mouth curling in that way that makes your chest hurt for reasons youâre too tired to name.
"I wouldnât ask if I didnât mean it," he says simply.
You let out a soft breath you hadnât even realised you were holding and glance down at your watch, the second hand ticking steadily forward. Itâs getting late. And even though neither of you says it, you both know this fragile truce youâve built tonight can only stretch so far before it snaps under the weight of everything youâre still not ready to talk about.
You stand, gathering your bag with slow, deliberate movements, and Sunghoon rises too, out of habit more than necessity. Always the gentleman, even when he had no right to be.
You sling your bag over your shoulder, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear, and look at him one last time.
Thereâs so much you could say. So much you shouldnât.
So instead, you just offer a nod. Small. Measured. Almost formal.
"Iâll be in touch," you say.
And before he can say anything that might make this harder, you turn and walk toward the door, the cool night air rushing in as you step outside.
You donât look back.
But you feel itâthe weight of his eyes following you, lingering in the space you leave behind.
Youâre back in that tiny, overheated apartment off campusâthe one where the windows always fogged up too easily and nothing ever really dried properly unless you left it near the fan. The scent of burnt popcorn still clings faintly to the air from earlier that evening, and the dull hum of traffic bleeds in through the thin walls, but even that doesnât distract from the tension steadily rising in the room like pressure before a storm.
Sunghoon is slouched on the couch with one hand tangled in his hair, exhaling yet another sighâhis fifth in the past ten minutes. Youâve been watching him carefully from across the room, patiently waiting for him to reach out first. But after three years together, you know better. Park Sunghoon doesnât do well with vulnerability. He never has.
"Somethingâs on your mind, isnât it?" you ask, finally breaking the silence as you settle down beside him on the couch. He flinches at your sudden proximity, as if this isnât your apartment, as if heâs only just realised youâre still here.
He doesnât look at you when he answers. "No, Iâm just tired from training, thatâs all."
You let out a breathânot quite a laugh, not quite a sigh. âYou know, three years is a long time. Long enough for me to know when youâre lying to me. Just because I donât call you out on it doesnât mean I donât see it happening.â
That makes him freeze. His hand stills in his hair, and his jaw goes tight.
âPark Sunghoon,â you say slowly, letting each syllable settle like a weight between you. The name sounds foreign in your mouthâformal, distant, pointed.
He flinches. Not visibly, not dramaticallyâbut you see it. A slight stiffening in his posture. The barest flicker of guilt behind his eyes. Because he knows what it means when you use his full name.
You only ever say it like that when youâre done waiting.
âYouâre keeping something from me.â The words come out flat and exhausted, with none of the softness youâve been clinging to for weeksâbecause whatever this thing is, whatever heâs hiding, itâs starting to rot the air between you.
And youâre too tiredâtoo frayed around the edges from all the late-night phone calls that ended too early, the dinners where he barely looked up from his plate, the countless conversations that brushed against the truth but never quite touched it.
He blinks at you like youâve just blindsided him. "Babe, what are you talking about?"
"Donât do that," you snap, your voice rising before you can stop it. "Donât act like Iâm imagining things. Youâve been distant for weeks. You barely look me in the eye when we talk, and every time I try to ask whatâs going on, you throw me the same half-hearted excusesââIâm tired,â âTrainingâs been intense.â You expect me to just accept that forever?â
His jaw flexes, and this time you see itâclear as dayâthat flicker of guilt he canât hide fast enough.
Your stomach sinks.
You soften your tone, even if it cracks on the way out. "Sunghoon, weâre supposed to be in this together. I want to be there for you. Please."
He hesitates, swallowing hard like the words are caught in his throat. "IâI received a training offer."
For a second, you just blink at him, caught off guard. "Thatâs great, Hoon. Why would you hide that from me?"
He doesnât answer right away, and for a second you thinkâmaybe itâs nothing. Maybe he really is just tired from training and youâre overreacting.
But then, almost reluctantly, he says it.
âItâs in Spain.â
The words land heavy between you.
Spain.
Not just a different city. Not even just another country. Another continent. Another time zone. Another life.
The air leaves your lungs before you can stop it. Not in a dramatic gasp, not in a theatrical wayâbut in a slow, silent collapse, like something inside you just quietly folded in on itself.
If the offerâs in Spain⊠then itâs not just about training. Itâs about moving.
Leaving.
Staying gone.
âWhen were you planning on telling me?â you ask, your voice cracking at the edges despite your best effort to keep it steady. âWere you going to let me find out through someone else? Or just⊠let me sit here, waiting for you to come clean?â
He winces, just slightly. âI didnât know how.â
And thatâs when it really hits you. The worst part isnât the distance. You could handle distance. Youâve done long hours. Late-night calls. Time apart.
Noâthe worst part is that he didnât tell you. That heâs been sitting with this, carrying it silently, while showing up in your apartment like nothingâs changed.
Because this isnât just about fear or nerves or awkward timing.
This is about trust. About the fact that somewhere, deep down, he didnât believe youâd understand. Didnât believe youâd stay.
You feel the sharp sting of that realisation clawing at your chest. Youâve always known Sunghoon wasnât great at talking about hard things, but you thought⊠you thought you were past that stage. You thought you were partners.
âI didnât want to make you worry before I even knew if it was real,â he adds, and the moment stretches thin between youâjust long enough for the ache to settle in properly.
Your voice comes out quieter this time, more hollow. âHow long ago?â
He hesitates. Again. And you already know the answerâs going to hurt.
âA month.â
You blink. Once. Twice. Trying to understand what kind of person holds onto something that big for thirty daysâsharing meals, messages, kissesâwithout so much as a hint.
"A month,â you repeat, because you need to say it out loud to believe it. âYouâve known about this for a month, and you didnât think to tell me?â
He doesnât answer.
And in that silence, your mind fills the blanks for him: You werenât part of the decision. You werenât part of the plan. You were just⊠something temporary. Something not worth factoring in.
You want to yell. You want to cry. You want to disappear.
But instead, all you can do is ask, barely above a whisperâ
âHow long would you be gone?â
âI donât know,â he says. âThe contractâs renewable. Season by season.â
So not just gone.
Possibly gone for good.
Your vision blurs for a momentânot from tears, but from the force of everything hitting you at once: the betrayal, the loneliness, the terrible, gnawing possibility that heâs been slowly easing himself out of this relationship long before Spain ever came into the picture.
"I'm sorry for not telling you earlier... I was scared.â His voice is low, almost breathless, like heâs only just admitting it to himself. His hand reaches out, tentative at first, before settling over yours where it rests on the couch. And you hate itâhow that simple gesture, plain and quiet and embarrassingly overdue, still makes something inside you soften. The bare fucking minimum, and it still sways you.
"Hell, Iâm scared too, Sunghoon," you whisper, not bothering to hide the shake in your voice. "But you shouldâve told me. I deserved to hear it from youânot from the silence thatâs been stretching between us for weeks."
His other hand comes up to run through his hair, eyes squeezing shut for a second. "I donât even know if I want to take it up. I mean, I could stay. I could keep training here in Korea."
You shoot him a lookâsharp, disbelieving, almost angry.
"Are you crazy?" Your voice wavers on the edge of breaking, not because you donât mean it, but because meaning it hurts more than you want to admit. "Itâs a good opportunity, Sunghoon. One youâve worked your whole life for. You should go for it."
He doesnât answer immediately. Just stares at you, searching your face like it holds the answers to every impossible question he hasnât dared to ask. And you know the moment he finds itâthe flicker of fear. The tightness in your smile. The regret you tried so hard to keep buried shows in every inch and crease of your face and he sees it as clear as day.
"I love you, Sunghoon." You say it firmly. Desperately. "And loving you means being there for you. Supporting your dreams. Thatâs what this is. It's not like weâre breaking up, right?"
He reacts instantly. "No! God, no.â
His grip tightens over your hands, voice urgent, pleading.
"I love you too, and I never want to lose you."
You hold his gaze. Let yourself believe himâfor now. Because in this moment, with his hand wrapped around yours and his eyes wide and scared and filled with something real, you need to.
"Thatâs all I needed to know," you say softly.
And it is.
At least, thatâs what you tell yourself.
You eventually came to terms with itâbecause youâre good at rationalising things that hurt. You tell yourself that dreams come with sacrifice. That love, real love, isnât always about staying closeâitâs about staying with someone, even when theyâre far away. That maybe love isnât about convenience, but compromise.
But still⊠you guess, even then, even in that moment where you let him go with your blessingâa part of you already had that small flicker of doubt gnawing quietly at the back of your mind.
Did he see you in the life he was chasing? Or were you just the thing he had to let go of to chase it faster?
The cursor blinks at you, tauntingly. A small, persistent beat on a completely blank page. Like itâs waiting for you to figure out how to write about someone youâve spent years trying not to think about.
Itâs not like this is your first article about him. In fact, the last one made the rounds faster than you expected. People called it raw, honest, even moving. They praised your ability to write âauthentically,â like youâd peeled back layers no other reporter had dared to touch.
Like you knew him.
And you do. Or at least you did.
Canât be that hard to churn out another article about him.
Your gaze drifts to your desk, where a small, unopened box sits tucked to the sideâinnocent, pastel-coloured, with a soft shimmer under the lamp light.
The Popmart.
You blink at it, then let out a quiet laugh. Not bitter. Just tired. Surprised.
Of course he didnât know. Youâd already completed this series over a year ago. Bought the final missing figure off some reseller at a ridiculous markup. Youâd even double-sleeved it in plastic wrap and stuck it on the corner of your shelf, not because you still cared about the collection, but because it had started to feel like proof of something.
Proof that you could finish something on your own. That you could love somethingâand walk away when you needed to. That you didnât need anyone else to give you closure.
And yet⊠here it is. Sitting unopened on your desk, brought to you by the very person you spent years training yourself not to miss.
A memory in a box. A joke you both once shared, delivered too late and too gently.
You pick it up slowly, turning it over in your hand, and smile to yourselfâsmall, worn, a little sad. He still thinks he knows you. Still buys you things like heâs allowed to remember you this closely.
And maybe thatâs the problem.
Because part of you still wants him to.
You're back at the ice rink, your breath catching slightly as the cold air settles into your lungs the moment you step inside. The familiar scent of ice and rubber greets you, sharp and sterile. Itâs quieter todayâno full team practices or busy skaters gliding across the surfaceâjust the soft, distant hum of the facility and the occasional sharp cut of blades against ice.
You texted Sunghoon earlier this week, asking for a favour. A simple photo op, you saidânothing serious. You needed fresh shots for the article. Every news outlet had been recycling the same tired gallery of him from years agoâarms raised in victory at the 2022 Winter Olympics, a candid smile from a post-win press conference, that one dramatic shot with his head bowed in slow-motion grace during a routine. Beautiful images, sure, but outdated. You needed something that showed the version of him now. And if you were being honest with yourself, a small, treacherous part of you just wanted to see him in motion again.
To see the Sunghoon that only existed when he was skating. The one who couldnât hide behind polished interviews and measured words.
He agreed with barely a pause.
Sunghoon: Sure. Come by Thursday. Iâll block the ice for an hour.
So youâre here. The camera you borrowed from your illustrator slung over your shoulder, scarf tucked under your chin, fingers already tingling from the cold. You set your things down near the boards, scanning the empty rink until you spot him.
And there he is.
Sunghoon is already on the ice, warming up with long, fluid strides, his blades carving out familiar patterns beneath him. He hasnât seen you yet. Or maybe he has, and he's just letting you watch first.
Either way, for a moment, you forget youâre here to work.
Because seeing him like thisâalone on the ice, body moving like muscle memory itselfâit tugs something loose in you. Something old and buried but not entirely gone.
And you remember: this is what he was born to do.
Even if it broke both of you along the way.
Without wasting another second, youâre already moving to unzip your camera bag and pull your gear out. You work methodically, slipping off the lens cap, adjusting the settings, checking the battery with a practiced flick of your thumb.
Itâs almost muscle memoryâthis part of you that lives in quiet attention. The last time you held a professional camera like this was for a university project, one that had taken weeks to prepare and execute. Back then, Sunghoon had been your muse tooâsharp lines, steady movement, that inexplicable sense of stillness in motion that made him impossible to look away from.
And now here you are again.
The lens finds him at centre ice, where heâs stretching out a tight muscle in his leg, movements slow and careful, like he knows youâre watching now. Maybe he does. Sunghoon always had a sixth sense for thatâfor when eyes were on him, especially yours.
You angle your lens slightly, tracking the curve of his body, the set of his jaw. Click. The shutter snaps.
He glances over at the sound, a half-smile tugging at his mouthâmischievous, unbothered, almost like heâs posing without trying. But thatâs just how heâs always been. You used to call it his camera face. He used to call you dramatic.
Click.
Sunghoon starts skating again. He doesnât ask for direction, and you donât offer any. You donât need to. You track him through the lens as he glides through a spin, body coiled and precise, before he launches into a clean double axel that lands with barely a sound. The shutter clicks with each motion, capturing his lines, the angles, the fleeting expressions that flash across his face like sunlight through a curtain.
You capture the way the light reflects off the ice, how the blade flares white against the surfaceâitâs all a picture youâve seen before, but never quite like this. Never with this strange ache nestled beneath your ribs.
Thereâs a momentâbetween the leap and the landingâwhen he looks directly at you.
And it almost knocks the breath out of you.
Because in that split second, it feels like the ice disappears, the years disappear, and itâs just you and him again, the version of him that used to look for your eyes in every crowd. The version that used to skate not just for medals, but for you.
You lower your camera slowly, heart thudding a little louder in your chest than it should.
âDonât tell me that was your good side,â you say, aiming for lightness, adjusting your grip on the camera as you lower it from your eye. The teasing is automatic, familiarâthe kind of banter you used to toss back and forth like a tennis ball, soft enough not to bruise, sharp enough to mean something.
Sunghoon coasts to a stop near the boards, blades carving a soft arc in the ice, his breath visible in the cold air. His chest rises and falls steadily, not from exertionâheâs not pushing himself yetâbut from the kind of focused calm he only ever shows on the ice.
âIt was all my good side,â he replies, deadpan.
You roll your eyes and let out a soft, incredulous laugh, more fond than you mean it to be. Of course it was. Heâs always been like thisâsmug and quietly self-aware in the way only someone who knows theyâre good can be. You roll your eyes, but your lips are already curling upward.
You glance down at the display screen, reviewing the shots, already knowing youâve got what you came forâand maybe a little more than you meant to take.
âTell me I donât look good,â Sunghoon says, a quiet challenge in his voice as he raises an eyebrow, still watching you.
You scoff, lifting the camera again mostly to hide the expression threatening to spread across your face. âJust try not to look like youâre holding a grudge against the ice,â you reply, letting the words land somewhere between playful and pointed.
âI donât,â he says, and this time, thereâs something else there. Something softer. A hesitation in the space between his words. And for a second, it sounds like he means it.
You lower the camera slightly, eyes on him through the frame but not taking the shot. Your voice drops without you meaning it to, just a notch lower, quiet like a memory surfacing. âYou always looked best when you werenât trying,â you murmur, mostly to yourself. A truth youâve always known but never said aloud.
But he hears it.
And he doesnât say anything. Doesnât laugh. Doesnât tease.
He just turns back toward the centre of the rink, pushes off without a word, and starts skating again. You track him as he speeds into another combinationâa triple toe loop followed by a clean step sequence, blades carving elegant arcs into the ice. Youâre almost lost in it, the way the movements catch light, the shutter syncing to the beat of his pace like muscle memory.
Then it happens.
Itâs subtle. Barely a misstep. But you catch itâthe way his landing falters, how his right skate wobbles just slightly before he corrects. It wouldâve been imperceptible to most. But not to you.
Your fingers freeze on the camera, instinctively holding your breath as you watch him pull out of the sequence early, gliding to the boards instead of continuing.
You take a step forward. Itâs instinct more than decision, your feet moving before your pride can catch up. The edge of the rink is cold against your palms as you lean over the barricade slightly, just enough to close the space between you. He looks like he might flinch againâlike heâs caught somewhere between preparing to argue or retreat.
But you donât raise your voice.
You just say, quietly, firmly, âDonât do this.â
His eyes flickerâjust barely. But you see it.
âDonât shut me out like Iâm just another reporter,â you continue. âDonât feed me lines like âitâs nothingâ when you know I see through that better than anyone.â
Still, he says nothing.
So you press harder, voice trembling nowânot with anger, but with the weight of everything youâre holding back.
âI watched you limp, Sunghoon. I saw it. And you think Iâm just going to nod and take your word for it?â
He exhales slowly, but you can tell heâs holding his breath in all the places that matter.
You shift again, trying to find steadiness in your words, even as your chest tightens. âIf the rumours were trueâif youâve been skating on an injury this entire timeâwhy wouldnât you just tell me?â
A pause. A breath. A crack.
âDo you really think I wouldnât have cared?â
That lands.
Because his eyes dropânot in shame, but something closer to fear. Not of you. But of what his silence mightâve already cost him. He doesnât answer, not yet. He just stands there, your words still echoing in the space between you.
He opens his mouth, but nothing comes outâjust a soft, frustrated exhale. His jaw works like heâs chewing on the words, trying to force them out, but they keep getting caught somewhere between his chest and his throat.
Itâs like heâs standing at the edge of somethingâsomething terrifying and unchartedâand he canât bring himself to take the final step. You can almost see the war going on inside him: the urge to speak versus the instinct to protect himself, to guard the parts of him that still feel too raw to share.
For a moment, you think heâs going to brush it off the way he always doesâwrap it up neatly with a nonchalant shrug and a quick change of subject. Like heâs too proud or too scared to let you see that raw, unguarded part of him. It wouldnât be the first time. After all, thatâs what heâs always doneâdeflect, dodge, build walls where there should be bridges.
He couldnât be honest with you when you were dating. What makes you think heâd be any different now, when thereâs even more distance between you?
You almost let him off the hook. Almost open your mouth to tell him itâs fine, that you donât need him to explain himself. Youâre already bracing yourself to swallow the ache, to bury it with everything else thatâs gone unspoken between you. Youâve become good at thatâpretending it doesnât hurt. Pretending the disappointment hasnât lingered all this time, festering quietly just beneath the surface of your every breath.
And Sunghoon sees it.
Sees the way your eyes begin to glaze over, the way your posture shiftsânot quite closed off, but tilting in that direction. A half-given-up look that reads like surrender. Like youâre moments away from letting go completely.
And something in him panics.
A wave of it crashes through his chest, sharp and suffocating. Because if he fucks this upâif he lets you walk away now, after everythingâitâs really over. No more second chances. No more waiting.
He feels the weight of it settle on him all at once. That thisâyouâis the moment he canât afford to lose.
So, unexpectedly for you, he speaks.
âA year after we broke up,â he says, his voice quiet but steady, like heâs forcing himself to stay composed. âI was sent onto a new reality programme in Spain. Kind of like a training feature-slash-documentary series. Mostly for sponsorships.â
He swallows hard, his jaw clenching as he gathers his thoughts. He doesnât look at you when he speaksâhis eyes fixed on some far point beyond the rink, beyond this moment, as if the memory itself is something he canât look at head-on.
âDuring our break⊠there was this skater, Hugo.â
The name clicks instantlyâHugo Franchez. Youâve heard of him. Heâs one of Coach Moralesâ other students, known for his flamboyant public persona and his tendency to stir up drama both on and off the ice. Brash, talented, and unapologetically loud. The kind of guy who thrives on attention, whether itâs positive or negative.
Before you can fully process what that connection means, Sunghoon cuts through your thoughts, almost as if he knows exactly whatâs running through your mind.
âDoesnât matter who he is,â he mutters, voice sharper now, almost defensive. âOne day during practice, that prick made a comment. Said my standards had dropped since you left me.â
âI didnât care at first,â he says. âIt was petty. Stupid. Iâve heard worse. And honestly, he wasnât wrong. I was a mess back then. I didnât care what anyone said.â
Thereâs something tight in his expression, like heâs forcing himself to stay detachedâto treat it like a story heâs telling rather than a wound heâs reopening. You stay silent, but you feel your stomach twist into a knot, cold and heavy. The words settle like stones in your chest, bitter and suffocating. You donât know what to sayâdonât know if anything you could say would make a difference.
âBut then he said something else,â Sunghoon continues, and his voice tightens like itâs physically difficult to push the words out. âHe started talking about you. Jokingâif you can even call it that. Said maybe heâd try you out next. That someone like you didnât need love, just a goodââ
He cuts himself off, hand flexing slightly at his side.
You donât need him to finish. Your breath catches in your chest, a mix of disgust and disbelief building behind your ribs. Your hands tighten on the rinkâs barrier, knuckles turning white. You canât seem to move, your mind struggling to make sense of the sheer audacityâthe venom laced into words that shouldnât even exist.
Sunghoonâs fingers drum restlessly against his thigh, a telltale sign that heâs more upset than heâs letting on. His mouth presses into a thin, unforgiving line, and for a moment, he just breathesâdeep and controlled, like heâs trying not to let his frustration seep through, but thereâs a tremor in his voice that betrays the anger still simmering under the surface.
âHoonâŠâ you whisper, your voice barely audible, raw with sympathy and anger that doesnât know where to land. Sunghoonâs heart leaps at the familiar nickname, but the feeling doesnât last long as heâs reminded of the story heâs telling.
âThatâs when it happened,â he continues, finally lifting his gaze to meet yours. Thereâs something broken there, vulnerability seeping through the cracks in his usual calm. âI snapped. Took a swing at him. Next thing I know, weâre being pulled apart. Cameras everywhere. People yelling. Coach Morales losing his mind. The programme was discontinued after that.â
You take a small, steadying breath, unsure of whether to feel relieved that he defended you or angry that it came to this.
âAnd your injury?â you ask, the words careful, soft, like youâre afraid of breaking whatever fragile, rare occurrence is happening between you.
He hesitates, the tension in his posture growing taut again. âWhen we went down, I didnât even notice it at first. Adrenaline, I guess. I thought it wasnât a big deal. It hurt, yeah, but I could still skate. I figured itâd pass. I didnât want to make it anything more than what it was.â
You watch the shift in his expressionâthe shame, the defensiveness, the echo of pain heâs tried so hard to bury.
âThatâs why you pulled out of the finals,â you say, the pieces clicking together all at once.
He nods.
âTurns out I tore a ligament when I landed wrong. I didnât realise how bad it was until I couldnât even put weight on it. Rehab took months. Had to retrain my whole posture. Thought Iâd never land a clean jump again.â
The silence that follows isnât emptyâitâs heavy with everything unspoken. You can feel the ache settle in your chest, not just for him but for the both of youâthe version of him who tried to hold it all together, and the version of you who never knew.
You want to scream at him for being reckless. For not telling you. For carrying all of this alone when he didnât have to.
But instead, you just stare at him. And he stares back.
Both of you standing there, in the middle of a truth that neither of you asked forâbut one thatâs been waiting, quietly, to be told.
âBut youâre better now, right?â Your voice comes out more hopeful than you intended, a tight, almost desperate note clinging to the words. âI mean⊠youâre skating fine. Youâre prepping for the tryouts, right?â
Sunghoon hesitates, his eyes dropping to his hands where his fingers are still restlessly drumming against his thighs. He swallows hard, and the tension in his jaw doesnât ease.
âBarely,â he admits, the word thick and reluctant. âThe injury relapses whenever I overexert. Some days itâs fine, and other days⊠itâs like Iâm right back to square one. Thereâs no pattern. No warning. Just pain.â
You feel a hollow ache forming in your chest, and you canât help the frustration that bubbles up alongside the worry. âWhy didnât you tell me?â
He looks up at you then, a flicker of something pained and conflicted crossing his face. âBecause it wasnât your problem to deal with. You didnât need to know. I couldnâtââ He breaks off, running a hand through his hair in a way thatâs almost angry. âI couldnât stand the thought of you worrying about me. Not after Iâd already messed things up between us.â
You open your mouth to argue, to tell him thatâs not how this worksâthat you wouldnât have seen him as a burden. But you canât find the words, because deep down, you know Sunghoon has always carried things alone. Itâs just who he is. Protecting people from his own mess, even when it tears him apart.
Heâs still watching you, shoulders tense, waiting for the backlashâlike heâs already bracing himself for the worst.
And you canât help itâyou laugh. Not a happy laugh. Not even a bitter one. Just a short, exhausted sound that slips out before you can stop it.
âThatâs it?â you murmur, shaking your head. âThatâs the reason you didnât tell me? Because you didnât know how to believe that Iâd want to help you?â
Sunghoonâs jaw clenches, and his eyes flicker with something like hurt. âYou donât understandââ
âNo, I donât,â you cut in, and your voice wobbles despite your best efforts to sound composed. âI donât understand how the guy who always told me to be honest, to be open with him, just decides on his own that I wouldnât care? You didnât even give me the chance, Sunghoon.â
He doesnât respond. Just lowers his gaze, looking at his own skates like they might hold an answer.
You take a slow breath, forcing yourself to ease back the frustration threatening to spill over. âYou think I wouldnât have cared? That I wouldâve justâwhatâwritten you off as some failure because you got hurt? After everything?â
His silence feels like an admission. And it hurts more than it should.
âWas I really that easy to leave behind?â you ask, softer now. Your hands curl tighter around the edge of the boards, knuckles turning white. âDid I make it that easy for you?â
He finally looks up, and his expression is raw, stripped down to something you havenât seen in years.
âNo,â he says, almost too fast. âIt wasnât easy. Nothing about leaving was easy. I justâI didnât know how to handle it.â
You swallow the lump in your throat, letting his words sink in. Youâre speechless, your mind a whirlwind of the why and the how and the what ifs that heâs not giving you. Then you zone into what he said: Not after Iâd already messed things up between us.
Heâs aware that the reason for your falling out was because of him.
âNever mind after we broke up. In the last few months of our relationship, why were you so distant then? Why wouldnât you tell me anything? Why did we break up, Sunghoon?â
His head jerks up, eyes widening. For a second, he looks like he didnât expect you to ask, like he thought youâd just let it stay buried. But you canât. Not anymore.
âI didnât mean to lose you,â he whispers, like itâs something heâs only just now realising. âBut by the time I figured out how to come back⊠it felt like I didnât deserve to. Not after everything.â
You open your mouth, then close it again, the words heavy on your tongue. Thereâs a long pauseâweighted, expectant. You shift slightly, pressing your palms against the edge of the rink as if to steady yourself.
And then, quietlyâbecause you need to understand, because you deserve toâyou ask:
âWhat happened in Spain? Please, I need to know.â
Sunghoon meets your gaze and for a second, it really felt like he was finally meeting you halfway. He lets out a shaky breath before he speaks again, voice low and unsteady.
âWhen I left Korea, it was like everything just⊠fell apart. I thought skating would fix it. That if I just pushed through, everything would fall into place. It was going to be worth it, Iâd feel like myself again.â
His voice is quieter when he continues, almost like heâs talking more to himself than to you. âAfter we broke up, I kept telling myself it was for the best. That I needed to focus on skating. But⊠after a while, it didnât matter anymore. I wasnât happy. I wasnât even skating because I loved it. I was just⊠doing it. Because I didnât know what else to do. Because I didnât know who I was if I wasnât moving forward. And without you⊠I just felt stuck.â
The weight of his confession presses down on both of you, heavy and unforgiving. You let your hands fall from where theyâve been gripping the rink barrier, flexing your fingers like youâre trying to shake off the coldâor maybe just the ache creeping into your chest.
Sunghoon skates closer, not enough to close the gap entirely but enough that you can see the way his eyes are glossed over, the pain heâs too proud to let fully show. âI lost you. I lost skating. And I didnât know how to come back from that.â
You donât know how to respond. You donât even know if thereâs anything left to say. So you just stare at him, taking in the vulnerability on his faceâthe way heâs finally, finally letting himself be seen. And despite the anger, despite the sadness, a small part of youâthe part that never really stopped missing himâstarts to unravel.
Because this isnât the Sunghoon you remember leaving.
This is someone whoâs been tryingâfumbling, falling, but tryingâto find his way back.
You donât move, but you donât push him away either. You just stand there, caught between wanting to reach for him and wanting to protect yourself from being hurt again. And Sunghoon sees itâthat hesitation. He takes a shaky breath, his hands falling to his sides, fingers flexing like he doesnât know what to do with them. Heâs still looking at youâeyes wide, raw, like heâs afraid of what your silence means.
Finally, he forces the words out, voice rough and unsteady. âI know it doesnât mean much now, but Iâm really fucking sorry, Y/N.â
His eyes drop again, like he canât bear to see your reaction. âI was an emotional wreck when I realised I was falling out of love with skating. It felt like I was losing the only thing Iâd ever been good at, and I didnât know how to handle that. And in the middle of that mess⊠I didnât know how to give you the love you needed.â
The admission hangs between you, heavy and unguarded, and itâs like youâre seeing the cracks in him for the first timeânot the public figure, not the professional skater, but the boy who had once loved the ice so much that he didnât know who he was without it.
You bite the inside of your cheek, fighting the tremble threatening your voice. âYou should have just⊠told me. You didnât have to go through it alone. I was right there, Sunghoon. I would haveââ
âI know,â he cuts in, voice almost desperate. âI know you would have. But I didnât know how to let you. I kept thinking if I just pushed harder, trained longer, it would click again. That the love for it would come back. But it didnât. And the more I kept failing, the less I could bring myself to tell you.â
You swallow down the hurt lodged in your throat, forcing yourself to stay steady. âSo instead, you just shut me out? Kept me in the dark?â
âI couldnât handle it,â he says, a bitter edge cutting through his tone. âAll of it. You being so damn supportive. Telling me I could do it when I knew I couldnât. I was falling apart, and you kept telling me I was going to make it. It justââ He shakes his head, lips pressing into a tight line. âIt made me feel like a fraud. Like I was dragging you down with me.â
You stare at him, disbelief and frustration mixing with the ache in your chest. âYouâre kidding. And suddenly it's my fault? That I cared too much?â
âNo! I didnât mean it like that,â he says quickly, voice hoarse, trembling around the edges of regret. âGod, thatâs not what I meant at all. Fuck.â
He grips the back of his neck like heâs trying to ground himself, eyes flickering everywhereâwalls, floor, ceilingâanywhere that isnât the firestorm in your gaze.
âI meantâŠâ he finally forces out, lowering his hands. His shoulders sag. âI meant I didnât know how to handle it. You gave so much and IâI didnât know how to match it. I was scared Iâd ruin it. So I pulled back. I shut you out instead of admitting I couldnât keep up with the way you loved me.â
Your heart clenches, torn between anger and sympathy. You take a deep breath, forcing the words out even though they taste like heartbreak. âYou didnât have to make that choice for me. I wouldâve stayed, Sunghoon. Even if it hurt. Even if you were falling apartââ
âThatâs why I didnât tell you!â
The words burst out of him, louder than he meant them to. The sound echoes slightly in the quiet of the rink, raw and cracked at the edges.
You flinchânot because youâre afraid, but because itâs the first time heâs raised his voice with you in a fight.
Sunghoonâs expression falters the moment it leaves his mouth. His chest rises and falls unevenly as the weight of what heâs said settles between you. He blinks fast, and for the first time, you see the glassiness in his eyesâthe way his lashes tremble under the strain of holding everything in.
âI didnât want you to feel guilty,â he says again, softer this time, like heâs trying to undo the sharpness from before. âOr worse⊠like you had to fix it. I couldnât bear the thought of becoming something you felt responsible for instead of someone you just⊠loved.â
He swallows hard, gaze falling to the floor as if heâs ashamed of the outburst, the truth, or maybe both.
Your chest tightens at his words, but not out of anger. Not even sadness. Just this overwhelming ache for the boy in front of youâthe boy who thought love was something that had to be earned only when he was okay.
You exhale slowly, trying to steady the crack in your voice. âYou think I loved you because you were strong all the time? Because you had it all together?â
He doesnât answer, but the tension in his shoulders says enough.
âSunghoon, I didnât want to fix you. I just wanted to be there with you.
For a moment, he just stares at you, like heâs trying to understand why youâre still here, still fighting to know the truth. And in that silence, you realise that heâs never really stopped carrying the weight of that decisionânever really forgiven himself for it. The guilt. The loneliness. The fear. Itâs all still there, buried under years of trying to pretend it didnât matter.
And it hits you thenâhow much of himself he gave up just to make sure you didnât drown with him.
Youâre not sure whether to scream at him for being so stupidly self-sacrificing or cry because he thought pushing you away was protecting you.
His next words come out in a whisper, like heâs afraid of breaking the fragile truce between you. âI wasnât trying to hurt you. I swear. I just⊠didnât know how to love you and love skating at the same time. And when skating stopped feeling like love, I didnât know how to love myself either.â
Something inside you softens, and you feel the fight drain out of your body. You lean back, exhaling shakily, trying to process it all. Maybe you thought the anger would feel good. Like if you just yelled loud enough, it would drown out the ache thatâs been festering since he left.
But now, standing here with himâraw, exposed, finally admitting the truthâyou just feel tired. And maybe, just maybe, a little relieved. Because at least now you know. It wasnât that he didnât care. It was that he didnât know how.
Without thinking, you reach out over the barricade, your fingers brushing against his. When he doesnât pull away, you take his hand in yours. His shoulders slump, the fight draining out of him, and for the first time in what feels like forever, he lets himself lean into youâno walls, no distance, just the raw truth of it all between you.
He lets out a rough, almost bitter laugh. âFunny, right? I spent so long trying to protect you from my problems that I ended up creating a whole new one.â
You squeeze his hand gently, feeling his warmth seep into your skin. âYou didnât have to go through it alone,â you whisper. âYou didnât have to push me away just because you thought you were sparing me.â
His eyes dart down to your joined hands, but he doesnât pull away. âI know that now,â he says quietly. âBut back then, I thought keeping you out of it would make things easier. For both of us.â
You swallow the knot in your throat, wondering how many more pieces youâd have to unearth before you finally made sense of everything that went wrong between you.
âBut it didnât, did it?â you murmur, half a statement, half a question.
Sunghoonâs shoulders sag, like the weight heâs been carrying finally buckles under your words. He breathes out slowly, shaking his head, a rueful, almost self-deprecating smile tugging at his lips. âNo. It didnât.â
Sunghoon takes a deep, trembling breath. The kind that rattles from somewhere deep in his chest, like heâs holding back more than just words. Slowly, carefully, his fingers slip from yours. The absence of his touch is immediateâsharp, cold, like the air around you shifted.
He stuffs his hands into his pockets, like maybe thatâs the only way to keep them from shaking, from betraying just how unsteady he really feels. His gaze drops to the ice at your feet, avoiding your eyes with an almost boyish kind of shame, as though looking at you would only make the truth harder to say.
âAnd I didnât reach out to you after my injury becauseâŠâ He pauses, swallows. His voice when it comes out is brittle, like heâs forcing it through a throat full of glass. âBecause I didnât want you to feel like you were a second option. Like I was only coming back to you because skating was no longer viable.â
Your breath catches.
The words hit in a place you didnât expect, a sharp, unexpected pang that lodges deep beneath your ribs. You blink, startled, searching his face like maybe you misheard him.
âWhat?â you whisper, barely audible. The word is soft, too soft. It slips from your lips like a secret, afraid to make the moment any heavier than it already is.
He lets out a laughâbut itâs dry, hollow, laced with bitterness and self-loathing. âItâs stupid, I know. But I didnât want you to think that⊠that I only wanted you because skating didnât work out. I thought if I showed up after everything fell apart, youâd look at me and think I was just using you to fill the gap.â
You shake your head slowly, the motion dazed, your thoughts struggling to keep pace with the revelation.
âSunghoon⊠I neverââ
âI know,â he cuts in, quickly, almost harshly. His voice cracks, raw and unfiltered. âI know you didnât. But I was so fucking lost, Y/N. I didnât know who I was without skating. And the idea of crawling back to you, looking for comfort when I had nothing left⊠it felt selfish. Like I was just dragging you into my mess because I couldnât handle it on my own. You deserved better than that.â
Thereâs a silence that followsânot the empty kind, but the kind that weighs down the air like fog. Heavy. Still. Unavoidable.
Your arms fold in tightly against your chest as if bracing for something colder than the rink air. Thereâs a tightness there, something fragile pressing hard against your ribs, and it takes you a moment to recognise it for what it is.
Itâs the part of you that never really stopped caring.
âYouâre an idiot,â you say, voice thick, the words catching on the knot in your throat. You almost choke on it, the mix of pain and tenderness. âA complete idiot.â
He finally looks up.
And itâs the way he looks at you that undoes you. Eyes rimmed red, glassy with unshed tears, but wide openâunguarded in a way heâs never let himself be. The vulnerability in them is devastating. It makes your own eyes sting, and you press your lips together hard, willing yourself not to break down in front of him. You canât afford to. Not after everything. But the way heâs looking at you, the way heâs baring his heart after years of hidingâit hurts.
The ice rink is eerily quiet now. The distant hum of the arena lights above buzzes like white noise around you, but everything else is still. Time feels like itâs slowed down, like the two of you exist in a bubble suspended in grief, in truth, in the aftermath of everything that wasnât said when it mattered.
You donât know what to sayâdonât know how to put into words the mess of emotions clawing at your chest. Itâs tangled and bruised and beating far too loudly. Thereâs relief, yes. A bit of anger too. But mostly, thereâs just this deep, aching sadness for the boy who thought he had to fight his battles alone.
But eventually, you find your voice. Quieter. Softer.
âI never needed you to be perfect, Sunghoon.â Your voice wavers despite how hard you try to steady it. âI just needed you to be honest.â
He closes his eyes for a moment, like the words hit him physically. The mess inside his chest doesnât have clean edges. Itâs tangled and bruised and beating far too loudly.
His brows pull together, and his shouldersâalways so tight, so high, like heâs been bracing for impact for yearsâfinally sink. The tension in him melts, slow and subtle, like heâs deflating under the weight of finally letting the truth out.
Then he nods. Once. Barely.
But itâs enough. Enough to know that he heard you. And that alone makes your heart ache.
You know you shouldnât give in. Not this easily. But youâve never been one for restraint.
Itâs always been your fatal flawâfeeling too much, too fast, letting your heart speak before your head can catch up. And maybe thatâs why this moment feels so inevitable. Because despite everythingâdespite the heartbreak, the silence, the yearsâyou still want to close the distance.
Itâs a mystery how you and Sunghoon even started dating in the first place, how two people so fundamentally different found their way to each other. You, all fire and instinct, and himâquiet, composed, like he was always walking a tightrope with his heart tucked out of reach.
You were sunshine, and he was midnight rain. You wanted comfort, but he was chasing medals and glory.
Well⊠he used to.
Back then, he didnât know youâd come into his life. Didnât expect that your laughter, your stubborn heart, your ability to see straight through him would start to matter more than medals ever did. Didnât realise that somewhere along the way, it wasnât skating he was chasing anymore.
It was you.
And by the time he figured it outâby the time he realised you were the thing heâd always been reaching forâyou were already slipping through his fingers.
Not because you didnât love him. But because he didnât know how to stop running.
Not for the crowd. Not for the gold.
But from someone who wouldâve stayed if only heâd asked.
Maybe thatâs why it worked for a while. Maybe thatâs why he never stopped yearning.
His eyes are still fixed on the ice, refusing to look at you, like if he stares hard enough, he can will himself invisible. His posture is closed in, like heâs trying to shrink himself, like if he folds in far enough, he can disappear into his regret.
You take a step forward. Then another.
Your shoes click softly against the rubber mats until the last one slips onto the smooth, glinting surface. You cross the threshold onto the ice without thinking, heart first, fearlessâlike always. The cold greets your ankles instantly, the faint burn of it rushing up your calves.
Your feet come into his view, and he startles slightly, blinking as he realises how close you are now.
âWhat are youâ?â His brow furrows, alarm flickering in his expression. âCareful, youâre gonna fall again ifââ
You hug him.
Thereâs no warning. No speech. No careful calculation. You just move, because your heart gets there before anything else can stop it.
Your arms wrap around himâfirm, groundingâand his breath stutters as if the contact knocks the wind out of him. He stays frozen for a second, like his body doesnât believe itâs real, like he thinks if he moves, youâll vanish.
"It's okay," you murmur against his shoulder, your voice soft but steady. "I know you'll catch me even if I fall."
And somehow, thatâs what does it. That quiet faith in himâeven now, after everythingâcracks something open.
He exhales, the breath hitching on its way out, and you feel the tension leave his body piece by piece. Slowly, hesitantly, he melts into you. His chin dips to rest against the curve of your shoulder, and his armsâthose shaking, unsure armsâwrap around your back and hold on.
Not tight. Not desperate.
But like someone whoâs been cold for far too long, and finally, finally found warmth. Like your presence alone is something he's relearning how to deserve.
You close your eyes, steadying yourself with the quiet rise and fall of his chest against yours. Then you speakâgently, but with purpose.
"Donât take this the wrong way," you say, your fingers curling slightly into the fabric of his jacket. "This isnât forgiveness. Iâm not there yet. This is just⊠me showing you that I still care. As a friend."
He stiffens slightly, but you donât let go. You press on.
"Iâm sorry this happened to you," you whisper. "I know skating meant the world to you."
Sunghoon doesnât answer. Not out loud.
But his arms tightenâjust a littleâand his breath shudders, and the thought echoes in his mind with a force that nearly brings him to his knees:
You mean the world to me, still.
He doesn't say it. He doesnât need to. Itâs thereâin the way he holds you now, in the way he leans into your warmth like itâs the first real thing heâs touched in years.
And for a moment, you let him. You both do.
Not as the people you once were. But as the broken, rebuilding versions of yourselvesâstill trying, still reaching, still here.
This quiet moment.
You remember this feeling.
The stillness. The unspoken. The way the world seems to hush when youâre in his armsânot because everything is perfect, but because somehow, even in the mess, it feels safe.
You used to crave more. Words. Reassurance. The kind of affection you could point to and name. But as time passed, you learned to understand him in these smaller, quieter ways. The way heâd wait for you after late classes just to walk you home, even when he never said why. The way heâd leave extra pairs of gloves in your bag before competitions. The way he never quite let go first.
Itâs the way Sunghoon has always shown love to you. Not through grand gestures or flowery words, but through presence. Through the way he leans in, silent and steady. Through the way he holds you like you're something heâs afraid to break. Through the quiet weight of his hand resting at the small of your back, like a promise heâs never quite been brave enough to say out loud.
This right hereâthis silence filled with meaningâhas always been his way of saying Iâm here. I care. I love you.
And thatâs why, when his presence stopped feeling like loveâwhen the silence turned from comfort to distanceâyou felt discarded. Unwanted. Like love had quietly exited the room and no one bothered to tell you.
His inability to say what he felt, to put to words what you meant to him, only made it worse. Because you were still there, waiting for somethingâanythingâto hold onto, while he kept retreating behind walls you couldnât climb.
But now, standing here, with his arms around you once again, you feel it. All of it. Even if he still hasnât found the words.
You realise thenâhe never stopped caring for you, too.
The silence. The omission of truth. The way he held everything in, thinking he was protecting you by keeping you out. You used to mistake it for distance, for disinterest. But maybe that was just the way he loved you.
Complicated. Flawed. Quiet in all the places you needed noise.
It wasnât the way you lovedânot loud and vulnerable, not open and all-consumingâbut it was still love. Just⊠his version of it.
And youâall heart before reason.
You loved like it was oxygen, like holding back would be the same as holding your breath. You said too much, felt too deeply, asked for honesty even when he didnât know how to give it. You needed presence, yesâbut you also needed words. Needed something solid to hold onto when his silence left too much room for doubt.
And stillâthat was the way you loved him.
Messy. Unfiltered. Brave in all the ways he wasnât ready for.
You offered him your whole heart without a safety net, while all he wanted was to protect you from his fall.
And it hits you then, in a way thatâs both soft and sharpâthis was always the story. The gaps, the miscommunication, the mismatched ways of showing up.
It was never about not feeling enough. It was about feeling too much, in entirely different languages.
You, speaking in open wounds and raw confessions.
Him, answering in silence and distance.
Two people standing on opposite ends of a love that was realâjust not always right.
And maybe thatâs the tragedy of it.
Not that you didnât love each other. But that you did.
Just in ways the other didnât know how to hold.
You and Sunghoon spend the next few hours sitting on the cold bleachers, catching up on the last four yearsâwhat was said, what wasnât, and everything that existed in between.
Itâs not an invitation to get back together. That much is clearâspoken and understood without the need for awkward disclaimers.
This is something else entirely. A truce, maybe. An unspoken agreement to lay the past to rest without erasing it. An invitation to let go of the bitterness. To make sure the four years you spent loving each otherâmessy and imperfect as they wereâdonât go down the drain as nothing but regret.
And anyway, nobody ever said ex-lovers couldnât stay friendsâŠ
You learn that Hugo SĂĄnchezâthe skater Sunghoon had that infamous tussle withâwas caught up in a drug scandal just a few months later. It never made headlines, swept under the rug with hush money and quiet handshakes behind closed doors. But word still got around. Coach Morales blacklisted him, and by extension, so did every major name in the circuit.
âGuess karmaâs real after all,â you mutter, brows raised as Sunghoon nods.
âHe got what he deserved,â he replies quietly, but thereâs no real satisfaction in his tone. Just a kind of weariness. The kind that says it still wasnât worth what it cost me.
You offer a small, understanding smile, then shift the conversationâgently.
You tell him about your career. How you fell into sports journalism by accident, how you hated it at first. How you stuck with it anyway. About the sleepless nights, the thankless deadlines, the rush of chasing a story and the heartbreak of killing one. You tell him how strange it is, writing about athletes when you once dated oneâhow sometimes you catch yourself comparing their routines, their postures, their voices to his.
You donât mean to say that last part. But it slips out, unfiltered.
Sunghoon glances at you then, a soft crease forming between his brows, and for a moment, you think he might say something. But he doesnât. He just listens, the same way he always used toâquietly, intently, like your voice alone is enough to anchor him.
Youâre halfway through telling him the story about your first major reporting slip-upâsomething about mistaking a gold medalist for a retired curling coachâwhen Sunghoon breaks into laughter.
Real laughter.
Not the polite kind. Not the breathy exhale heâs used to giving when heâs holding too much in. But the kind that lights up his whole face. His head tips back slightly, shoulders shaking, eyes squinting in disbelief as he nearly doubles over from how hard heâs laughing.
âYou what?â he wheezes, clutching his stomach. âPlease tell me you didnât salute him and ask about his war medals too. He probably thought you were calling him a grandpa, not an Olympian!â
Youâre laughing too, unable to help it. âListen, the man had a beard and a windbreaker and that very âI peaked in Vancouver 2010â vibe.â
âAnd that screams retired Olympian to you?â he chokes, still catching his breath. âYou probably set athlete-media relations back a decade.â
âI was nervous, okay?â you defend, wiping at your eyes, the kind of laughter that makes your ribs hurt already fading into little aftershocks.
You lean back against the bleachers with a sigh, finally calming downâonly to notice heâs gone quiet. You turn to find him just⊠looking at you. Not with amusement anymore, but something softer. His expression has shiftedâgentle, open, a little vulnerable in a way that makes your breath catch.
Heâs watching you like he forgot what it was like to see you laugh like that. Like heâs trying to memorise the shape of your smile and hold onto the sound of it.
You raise a brow, playful. âWhat? Do I have something on my face?â
He blinks, startled, like you caught him in a secret. âNo,â he says, quickly averting his gaze. Then, quieter, âJust... forgot what that sounded like.â
âWhat did?â you ask, even though you already know.
âYou. Laughing like that.â He shrugs, keeping his eyes on the rink.
You pause, suddenly aware of how close youâre sitting. How his knee brushes yours every so often when he shifts. How the warmth between you lingers even in the chill of the arena.
âWell,â you finally say, nudging his shoulder with yours, âdonât get used to it. Iâm a very serious journalist now. No more giggling.â
He glances at you with a crooked smile, eyes full of mischief. âSure. Iâll believe that when you donât snort the next time you laugh.â
You gasp, scandalised. âI do not snort.â
Sunghoon leans in slightly, teasing. âYou literally just did.â
You stare at him, lips parted, fully ready to argueâuntil you realise heâs right. And then youâre laughing again, shaking your head as you gently shove his arm.
âAsshole,â you mumble through your grin.
And just like that, the weight between you both lightens againâstill present, but tucked neatly beside something warmer. Familiar. Almost like the beginning of something new. Or maybe just the gentler end of something old.
Either way, itâs something.
That night, when you finally reach home, your cheeks are still warm. Youâre still smiling a little too easily at nothing in particular. The chill of the ice rink has long worn off, but Sunghoonâs laughâlow, genuineâlingers in your ears like a recent vocal stimulation. Itâs been years since that sound last came from him, at least directed at you, and it sits somewhere in your chest now, unexpectedly soft and stubborn.
You kick off your shoes, shrug off your coat, and collapse onto your couch with a sigh thatâs half-exhaustion, half-daydream. Your mind is foggy, a little giddy. Like youâve just had caffeine on an empty stomach or youâve stepped into some alternate version of your lifeâone where the worldâs been tilted just a few degrees off-centre and nothingâs quite the same anymore.
Then your eyes fall on your laptop. Still open. Still glowing. And suddenly, reality tugs you back down.
Youâd forgotten about the article. The one you had barely started drafting. The one with Sunghoonâs name in the headline. The one meant to announce his participation in the Olympics tryout.
You sit up straighter, the comfort in your muscles draining fast as a chill crawls up your spine. Because all you can think about nowâover and over, like a stuck recordâis the way he said it:
âThe injury relapses whenever I overexert.â
Heâd said it so casually, like it wasnât a big deal. Like it was just a fact of life now. A quiet asterisk next to his name.
He said he wasnât planning a full comeback. He said he wasnât sure. But heâs still showing up to tryouts. Still skating. Still pushing.
And suddenly, what once felt like a career milestoneâthis exclusive, this rare chance to write the first profile on Park Sunghoonâs inevitable return to the iceâfeels... invasive. Too sharp. Too personal.
Your fingers hover over your phone, the urge to text him immediate.
You type somethingâdelete it. Type again.
Hey. Are you really okay to skate?|
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Are you sure youâre not pushing too hard?|
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Let me know if thereâs anyway I can help.|
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But none of them feel right.
Because you barely just started talking again. Because one evening of laughter on a set of cold bleachers doesnât erase four years of silence. Because youâre not sure if checking in now would cross a line you donât have permission to step over anymore.
So instead, you lock your phone screen and place it face down on the table.
And you sit there in the quiet, trying not to worry. Trying not to think of the pressure on his leg, the sting in his joints, the way heâd smiled when he told youânot proud, not hopeful, just... resigned.
But worry, of course, doesnât ask permission. It settles in the pit of your stomach like lead. Because you know him. And you know heâll keep skatingâeven if it breaks him again.
And worst of all, heâll do it without ever asking for help.
[MANIFESTO EXCLUSIVE]
Park Sunghoon Announces Participation In 2026 Winter Olympics Tryout
By Kang Y/N, Manifesto Daily
Itâs been nearly two years since figure skating prodigy Park Sunghoon last performed on Korean ice.
Once heralded as one of South Koreaâs most technically refined athletes, Park disappeared from the public eye following an abrupt withdrawal from the 2023 Grand Prix Final. No formal statement was ever released. No interviews, no explanationsâjust a silence that, for a time, swallowed even his most devoted fansâ questions.
Until now.
This week, Parkâs name quietly reappeared on the athlete roster for the upcoming 2026 Winter Olympics tryouts. And in an exclusive conversation with Manifesto Daily, Park has officially confirmed his participation.
Parkâs return marks a significant moment in the national figure skating circuit. Known for his precision, control, and signature composure on the ice, his performances have long drawn praise from both domestic and international judges. His participation is expected to bring renewed attention to the men's singles category in the upcoming season.
Tryouts are scheduled to take place early next month, where top-ranked skaters will compete for coveted spots on South Koreaâs Olympic delegation. While Park has kept a low public profile in recent years, anticipation surrounding his return remains high. His past record includes a gold medal finish at the Four Continents Championships, a bronze medal at the Beijing 2022 Winter Olympics, and consistent placements in the Grand Prix circuit, making him a strong contender as the nation gears up for Olympic selection.
Fans and officials alike will be watching closely as Park takes the ice againânot only for his technical capabilities, but for what his presence brings to a new generation of skaters: legacy, poise, and a renewed standard of excellence.
Further details regarding the tryout schedule and national team lineup are expected to be released by the Korean Skating Union in the coming weeks.
For now, one thing is clear: Park Sunghoon is officially back in contention.
When you used to wait by the edge of the rink with a scarf and a warm drink. When heâd skate over to you before practice just to tap your forehead with his finger and say donât blink this time. When he was still learning how to balance pressure and affectionâand you were still learning how to love someone who rarely said what he felt.
The way heâs looking at you nowâitâs not loud. Not grand.
But itâs enough to pull at the thread of every memory you thought youâd neatly tucked away.
Sunghoon exhales slowly, eyes trained on the centre of the rink as the announcerâs voice fades into the cold, echoing silence. The blades of his skates feel heavy beneath himânot because theyâre any different, but because he is.
His heartbeat thrums steadily beneath the layers of his costume, fast but controlled. A familiar rhythm he used to draw comfort from. Now, it only reminds him of everything riding on this final run.
He flexes his fingers once, then again. The nerves are thereâno point pretending they arenât. Theyâve settled deep into his bones, coiled tight like springs. But thereâs no fear. Not of falling. Not of losing.
Because he already did that.
He already lost the version of skating that once consumed him. Already stepped away from the spotlight, already let go of the expectations. What remains now is something simpler. Smaller.
This isnât about medals anymore.
This is the end of something. Or maybe the beginning of what comes after.
He guesses thatâs the one thing he was keeping from you.
Not because he didnât trust you, but because saying it out loud wouldâve made it realâthat the dream he built his life around had slowly started to unravel. That somewhere along the way, skating stopped being love and started feeling like obligation.
You think heâs here to chase after redemption. To reclaim what was lost. To silence the whispers, the speculation, the question marks that trailed behind his name for years. You think heâs here to prove that he still has itâthat the boy wonder of South Koreaâs figure skating circuit never truly fell from grace.
But youâre wrong.
Because redemption implies he owes something to someone. And Sunghoonâs done with owing.
This tryout isnât about reclaiming his reputation. Heâs not here for the judges. Not for the headlines. Not even for the crowd that once screamed his name.
Heâs here for something far quieter. Something far more difficult to earn.
Closure.
Not the kind that comes with medals or press conferences, but the kind you feel in your chest when you finally stop running. When you stop skating to meet expectations, and start skating to meet yourself again.
This is not a comeback. Itâs about reclaiming why he ever skated in the first place.
Itâs about the quiet mornings on empty rinks. The way cold air fills his lungs and clears his thoughts. The ache in his legs after hours of training that no one ever saw. Itâs about the pieces of himself he left scattered in every routine he never got to finish.
He shifts his weight slightly, grounding himself. This routine isnât built for spectacle. It doesnât chase applause. Itâs clean. Honest. Unforgiving in its simplicity.
And if this is the last time he performs under Olympic lightsâif this is the closing chapter of a decade-long pursuitâthen he wants to be the one who chooses how it ends.
Not the injury. Not the press. Not the silence.
He takes one last glance toward the bleachers. And there you are. Watching. Just like you used to---back then, when his world was still laced with possibility, and your quiet presence was the only constant that ever kept him sane.
And with this last performanceâwith this one final actâitâs not about the world. Itâs not about redemption.
Itâs about himself. About stepping onto the ice one final time not to impress, but to release. To mourn. To honour everything this love once was
And maybeâjust maybeâitâs for you too. The girl who believed in him before the world knew his name. The one who stayed long after the spotlight dimmed.
He wishes he could say that. Wishes he could turn and tell you: This is for you.
But Sunghoon has never been fluent in the language of declarations.
So instead, he skates,
The music beginsâsomething classical, restrained, just a touch mournfulâand Sunghoon moves. No flourish. No dramatic opening gesture. Just a quiet push forward, blades slicing into the ice with the same precision you remember from years ago.
But this time, thereâs something different. Thereâs stillness in him. Control so complete it doesnât screamâit whispers.
He doesnât rush. Doesnât force it. He lets the music carry him, lets the silence in the arena wrap around him like a second skin. One edge. Then the next. Arms extended, posture flawless, his body slicing through space like he belongs to it.
His first jumpâa quad toe loop. Clean. Effortless. His landing doesnât so much hit the ice as it touches it. The blade barely sings as it connects. The motion is seamless, and for a second, no one breathes.
Not the judges. Not the staff. Not even the other skaters whoâve trained beside him years ago and know just how good Sunghoon really is.
They fall quietâeveryone doesâbecause what theyâre seeing isnât just a routine.
Itâs artistry.
His movements are elegant, measured. Each spin folds perfectly into the next, centre tight, shoulders relaxed, neck lengthened. His step sequence flows like waterâno excess, no hesitation.
And then the triple axelâthe jump that sidelined him years agoâcomes out of nowhere.
He lands it perfectly.
Not a wobble. Not a check. Not even a breath out of place.
Someone in the stands exhales sharply, as if they forgot they were holding their breath. One of the younger skaters watching from behind the boards drops their phone in shock.
Even the coachesâstoic, experienced, always hard to impressâexchange glances. Subtle, but wide-eyed. No one expected this. Not from someone who hasnât competed in years. Not from someone they assumed was skating on borrowed time.
But there he is. Moving like the ice never betrayed him. Like the injury never happened.
Like heâs not returning from anything, but arriving exactly where he belongs.
The closing spin beginsâslow, low, deliberate. He lowers into a final sit spin so clean it looks animated, the motion a perfect blur. Then he rises, centres himself, and ends in silence.
No dramatic bow. No fist in the air.
Just Sunghoon. Standing still, chest rising, eyes closed. Like he just let go of something heâs been carrying for years.
And for a momentâjust oneâno one claps. Not because it wasnât brilliant.
But because brilliance demands reverence.
The applause comes late. Staggered. And then all at once. But even then, it feels too small for what they just witnessed.
Because what Sunghoon gave them wasnât just a performance. It was a goodbye disguised as grace.
The moment the tryouts conclude, the applause still echoing faintly in your ears, you donât hesitate. Youâre already halfway down the stands before your brain catches up with your legs. You weave through rows of folding seats, shoulder past lingering staff and curious onlookers, scanning the crowd of skaters, coaches, and judges now spilling onto the ice and rinkside floor.
Your heart is racing. Not from excitement. From urgency. Like if you donât find him now, this momentâhis momentâmight slip away before you get to say anything.
And then you spot him.
Near the far side of the rink, his posture relaxed now, his jacket back on and unzipped. Heâs speaking to someone.
You recognise the man instantly: Coach Im, his university coach. Stern but warm. Always had a thermos in hand and a stopwatch around his neck, even when he wasnât timing anyone. You saw him oftenâback when you used to sit through Sunghoonâs practice sessions, bundled in jackets, pretending to read while keeping your eyes on the ice.
Sunghoon laughs at something the coach says, his shoulders shaking with a lightness you havenât seen in years. You feel something stir in your chest as you step closer.
Coach Im spots you first. His eyes light up in recognition as you approach, his voice lifting cheerfully over the din.
âOh heyâisnât this Y/N?â he says, clapping a hand on Sunghoonâs shoulder. âSo lovely to see that the two of you are still going strong!â
The words hit you like an unexpected gust of wind, warm and jarring all at once.
Sunghoon startles slightly, glancing quickly in your direction with wide eyesâlike even he didnât see that coming.
You blink, then laughâjust a breath, soft and awkward. âOh, um⊠itâs not like that. Weâre notââ
But Sunghoon doesnât say anything right away.
He just looks at you. Not surprised. Not embarrassed. Just⊠thoughtful. A crease forming between his brows like heâs considering what to say nextâif he should say anything at all.
Coach Im looks between the two of you, clearly confused, then lets out a warm chuckle. âEither way, itâs good to see you again. I remember you always being there in the bleachers during Sunghoonâs training sessions. It was nice knowing he had someone by his side. Kept him grounded, you know?â
You smile politely, heart doing a strange little dance in your chest. And as the coach excuses himself to greet someone else, you and Sunghoon are left in a bubble of silence.
Just like old times. Only now, everything feels different.
And yetâsomehowâexactly the same.
You clear your throat, stepping a little closer, nerves fluttering at the base of your spine. "Hey, I just wanted toâ"
"I'm sorry, Y/N," Sunghoon cuts in, his tone gentle but clipped. He avoids your gaze, already half-turning away. "I promised to meet some old friends from uni to catch up."
You pause. Blinking. The words take a second to land.
"Oh. Right. Yeah," you say, forcing a small smile as you nod, even though your chest tightens. "I'll... see you around?"
"I'll text you, yeah?" he offers, already moving backwards, already fading into the crowd.
You nod again, slower this time. "Huh? Oh. Yeah. Okay."
And just like that, heâs gone.
Swallowed up by the familiar buzz of coaches, skaters, and congratulations. You stand there a beat longer than you should, the cold of the rink creeping back into your fingertips. The moment you thought you were chasing slips quietly through your handsâunfinished.
And all you can do is exhale. Pretend it doesnât sting. Pretend it isnât you whoâs waiting for him againâwhoâs standing here with something halfway between closure and hope tangled in your chest.
You tell yourself itâs fine. That he skated beautifully. That this day wasnât about you.
But beneath all that composure, you feel itâthe ache of almost. Because maybe you expected too much. Or maybe, for a second, you forgot you were just someone he let in againânot someone he kept.
But the truth is, Sunghoon didnât know how to face you without tearing up.
Didnât know how to walk toward you without pulling you into his arms and asking you to stay, to say somethingâanythingâthat might ground him after what just happened on the ice.
But the moment Coach Im said your name, smiled like it was still you and him, like time hadn't split everything in half, Sunghoon panicked.
Because heâs not sure what this is. Not yet.
And heâs not sure youâre open to confronting it, eitherâwhatever it is, this delicate thing hanging between you like a conversation neither of you has found the courage to start.
Maybe he read too much into your eyes during warm-up. Maybe the way you looked at him wasnât about wanting him back. Maybe it was just nostalgiaâsoft, forgiving, but not something you wanted to carry forward. Maybe you were just proud of him. Maybe you were just letting go.
He doesnât blame you.
Because deep down, Sunghoon knows he never really forgave himself for the way things endedâfor the silence, the confusion, the months where he let you carry the weight of a love he couldn't name, let alone hold properly. He knows he hurt you in the worst way: by making you feel like you had to ask to be chosen.
And though time has passed, and the ache has dulled, another part of him still isnât sureâstill isn't confidentâthat heâs capable of giving you the kind of love you deserve.
But then againâthis.
This miscommunication. This habit of circling around instead of stepping in. This assumption of what he thinks you wantâwhat you donât wantâitâs what drove the two of you apart in the first place.
All the things he never said. All the things you tried to. All the maybes that built a house out of hesitation and called it home.
He thought silence would spare you. You thought silence meant indifference. And somewhere along the wayâbetween protecting and pretending, between misreading and mistimingâyou both forgot how to meet in the middle.
And now here you are again.
You, still waiting.
Him, still too afraid to walk closer.
Each of you assuming the other doesnât want more. Each of you convincing yourselves that almost is close enough.
Even when it never was. Even when it never could be.
And as usual, the text he promised never really came.
At first, you gave him the benefit of the doubtâtold yourself he was probably just busy, caught up in post-tryout formalities, in media briefings, in reconnecting with old friends or navigating the aftermath of a performance that stunned everyone in the arena.
But deep down, you knew the silence wasnât unfamiliar. It never had been. After all, the foundation of your relationship in those final months was built on this same cycle
Sunghoon giving just enough. Just enough warmth, just enough apology, just enough softness to keep you waitingâto keep you hoping that maybe if you held on a little longer, heâd choose you fully, finally, without hesitation.
And youâGod, youâwith your foolish heart that had only ever known how to love in full measure, never halfway, never with one foot out the doorâyou waited.
You waited like you always did.
And maybe thatâs why, when the Korean Skating Union releases the official roster of Olympic athletes and his name is printed boldly at the very topâlike it never left, like it was always meant to be thereâsomething in you shifts.
You feel it, a spark lighting in your chest, sharp and sudden and wild, and before youâve even thought it through, youâre already reaching for your coat, already grabbing your keys, already walking out the door with your heart hammering too loudly in your chest.
You couldâve texted him. Couldâve called. Couldâve sent a simple message like âcongratulations,â couldâve played it safe the way people do when theyâre pretending not to care as much as they do.
But you donât.
Because something in you needs to see himâneeds to see his face, his eyes, the way he stands now that the weight is off his shoulders, now that heâs done it, now that heâs reclaimed skating the way he always wanted to.
Because if any part of what you shared still mattersâif any part of him still looks at you the way he used toâyou want to be there to see it.
Not through a screen. Not in a message thread that never starts.
But in person.
So you go. Because maybe this time, you're done waiting.
You stand just inside the entrance of the skating arena, the cold air hitting your skin like a memory. The official delegation is supposed to make a public appearance todayâan Olympic tradition of sorts.
Which means Sunghoon should be here. Somewhere.
Your eyes scan the crowd. Clusters of athletes in sleek national jackets, coaches and press weaving through them like old threads. But it doesnât take long before you spot him.
Tucked away in a corner, half-shadowed by the edge of the bleachers.
Heâs deep in conversation with one of the national Olympic coachesâCoach Baek, if you remember correctly. The older manâs expression is tight, gestures sharp with frustration. You canât hear whatâs being said, but the energy between them is tense.
Sunghoon stands there, arms crossed, nodding slowly, his jaw tight but unreadable. He doesnât argue. Doesnât flinch. Just listens. When the coach finally exhales, the tension softensâbarely. A few more words are exchanged, and then a hand lands on Sunghoonâs shoulder, firm and final. A goodbye, or maybe a warning softened into encouragement.
Then the coach walks away.
And as Sunghoon turns slightly to see him offâshoulders still drawn tight from the conversationâhis eyes land on you.
You freeze for half a second, caught mid-step, unsure whether to wave, speak, or turn back the way you came. But before the indecision fully settles, he starts toward you, closing the distance with a familiarity that shouldnât feel as natural as it does.
âHey,â he says, breath a little visible in the rinkâs chill. âI was just about to call you.â
You arch a brow, tilting your head. âYou were?â
His mouth lifts, half a smile, half something else you canât quite name. âYeah,â he says quietly, like heâs testing the weight of his own words.
You cough, trying to mask the genuine surprise, and maybe joy in your tone. âWhat was that about? He looked like he was about to throw you back into juniors. Training hasnât even started and youâre already pissing the coach off?â
Sunghoon laughs, and for a second, it lightens his whole face. âYeah⊠about thatâŠâ
You narrow your eyes. âWhat now?â
He takes a small breath, then meets your eyes. âWhat do you think about writing another exclusive?â
You blink. Once. Twice. âWhat, that you made the Olympic team? Thatâs hardly exclusive.â
His smile fades into something more serious. âNo, thatâs not it.â
You watch him carefully now.
âIâm retiring.â
Your breath catches. âWhat? When?â
âEffective immediately,â he smiles as he says. âIâve officially pulled out of the Olympic delegation.â
You just stare at him, stunned. âButâSunghoon. You worked so hard for this. Recovery took years. Youâve been training nonstopââ
âI know,â he says, not unkindly, but firm. âAnd thatâs exactly why.â
Youâre still trying to catch up, your brain scrambling to make sense of it. âI donât understand. Then why did you go through the tryouts? Why fight so hard just to walk away?â
He exhales, like heâs been carrying the answer for a while. âBecause I needed to know it was still there. The feeling.â
His eyes meet yours, steady. âI wanted to remember what it felt like to skateânot for medals, not for judges, not for anyone elseâbut just for me. To feel that I could still love it, even if it no longer loved me back the same way.â
Then, softerâalmost apologeticallyâhe adds, âIâll never be able to skate like I used to, Y/N. Iâve already accepted that.â
It hits you thenâthat his silence, the tension with the coach, the performance that felt too clean, too perfectâit was all part of a farewell.
Youâre quiet for a moment. âSo this was⊠what? A planned goodbye?â
He nods once, steady. âMaybe not from the beginning. But somewhere along the way, yeah. I think I knew I needed to end it on my terms. Not when the pain told me to. Not when the judges did. When I decided it was enough.â
âButâskating. It meant the world to youââ
Your voice comes out softer than you expect, the disbelief tangled with something else. Not anger. Not disappointment. Just the ache of watching someone walk away from something that once lit them up from the inside out. Ironic, since you were once someone that lit him upâmaybe still is.
Sunghoon doesnât flinch. He just looks at you, eyes steady, voice calm in a way that tells you heâs already made peace with it.
âIt did,â he pauses, breath curling in the cold, as if he's choosing his next words carefully.
And in that moment, you realise that his performance wasnât a comeback.
It was a love letter.
And a goodbye.
âWhich is why,â he continues, quieter now, âthis is the last thing I can do for myself. To leave it the way I want to. I didnât want my last memory of skating to be hospitals, setbacks, or walking away because I had no choice. I want to remember it the way Iâve always loved it. For what it gave me. For who I was when I first stepped on the ice.â
And youâre hit with a painful ache in your chest as he says itâsharp, sudden, the kind that lodges itself between your ribs and blooms quietly like grief.
Because if this is the ending he chose for skatingâon his own terms, with love and clarity and closureâthen what about you?
Where is your ending?
Where is your closure?
The question surges up before you can catch it, before you can bury it under composure or timing or prideâand it spills out of you, raw and quiet and too honest.
âIn that case, what do you remember me by?â
Sunghoon freezes.
His shoulders tense, breath catching so subtly that only someone whoâs known himâreally known himâwould notice.
âY/NâŠâ he says, and you can hear it in his voiceâhow he didnât expect that. How he doesn't know what to do with it.
You didnât even realise youâd said it out loud. The weight of it lingers in the air between you, heavy, uninvited.
You straighten your posture, instinct snapping back into place. Professional. Controlled. Detached, even if your pulse is anything but.
âI should go,â you say briskly, already taking a step back. âIâll email your management the article draft. Or⊠do I not need to?â
He opens his mouth, but nothing comes out fast enough.
âAnyway,â you continue, your voice clipped but polite, a shield you know too well, âfeel free to have your assistant text me. Thanks.â
You donât wait for his reply.
You turn.
And this time, youâre the one walking away from something that once lit you up from the inside out. Even if it hurts to do it. Even if every step feels like itâs tearing something open again.
Because you canât keep standing in spaces where youâre only half-held, half-answered, half-remembered.
That evening, you write the article.
You sit at your desk long after the sun has dipped below the skyline, long after the city has quieted into its nighttime hush, and you start typing with steady fingersâtrying, desperately, to be as professional as you can be.
Because this is big news. A world-class athlete pulling out of the Olympic delegation at the peak of national anticipation. A retirement no one saw coming. Itâs the kind of journalism that gets you recognised. That fills portfolios and lands bylines in places that matter.
But none of that crosses your mind.
Because all you can think aboutâdespite the ache still blooming in your chest, despite the lingering bitterness of unanswered questions and things left unsaidâis how to honour him.
You still feel the weight of him on the page. Still feel the obligation to present him in the best light. To tell the truth, yes, but also the quiet partsâthe parts no one else saw. The discipline. The years of pain. The choice to walk away, not out of defeat, but dignity.
You write him with care. With empathy. With the kind of understanding that only someone who once stood in the inner orbit of his world could ever give.
And no matter how hard you try, you canât stop your heart from leaking into the words. Because telling his story means telling yours, too.
Not the public version. Not the headlines.
But the quiet history of two people who once thought love alone would be enough. The version of you that sat in cold arenas, waiting for him to look up. The version of him that carried the weight of a dream too heavy for his body to bear. The version of both of you that was too young, too scared, too stubborn to survive it back then.
Itâs almost midnight when you finish the piece. And when you read it back, you realise itâs not just about skating.
It never was.
Itâs about letting go of something beautifulânot because it wasnât enough, but because it ran its course. And for the first time, you understand what he meant.
To end it your way.
To remember the love, not the loss.
So you click send.
And in doing so, you decideâquietlyâto let it go.
To let him go.
Ms Yoon (PA):
Reporter Kang sent over the article draft. PR said it was good, but thought you might want to read it for yourself.
[Attachment: 1 File]
Sunghoon is mid-workout when the message comes in. His hands are chalked, his hoodie damp with sweat, breath still recovering from his last set of strength drills.
The notification buzzes faintly against the speaker where his phone sits docked, half-muted beneath the beat of the music pulsing through the rinkâs private training gym. He almost ignores itâfigures itâs a reminder or scheduling updateâuntil he catches the preview of the senderâs name: Ms. Yoon.
He wipes his palms on a towel, walks over, and unlocks his phone, chest still rising and falling in slow recovery. The file is there, bold and unopened.
His fingers hover over the screen a moment longer than they should, suspended in a strange quiet.
Heâs not sure what heâs expecting to feel. Pride? Closure? Guilt, maybe.
But whatever it is, he taps the file.
And begins to read.
FINAL DRAFT
[MANIFESTO EXCLUSIVE]
The Final Bow: Park Sunghoon Withdraws from Olympic Delegation and Announces Retirement
By Kang Y/N, Manifesto Daily
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.
In related news, Parkâs withdrawal comes just days after the delegation announcement, and in his place, 19-year-old rising star Han Jihoon has been selected to represent Korea in the menâs singles category. Han, who placed fourth at the national tryouts, is widely regarded as one of the most technically gifted athletes of his generation, with a growing fanbase and a reputation for innovation on the ice.
As for Park Sunghoon, he leaves behind a legacy not of statistics, but of stillness. Of dignity. Of skating that always seemed to say what words could not.
His career was never loud. But it was unforgettable.
Goodbye, Park Sunghoon,
And thank you for everything you didnât have to say.
Before he knows it, heâs halfway out the doorâkeys clenched in one hand, the other rapidly typing a message to his assistant.
Sunghoon:
Do you happen to know Y/Nâs address? Forward it to me asap. Thanks.
The article is still echoing in his head, playing back in quiet waves he canât shut out. Lines that hit too close. Lines that cracked open things he thought heâd buried for good. Words that sounded like truths he never gave you the spaceâor the safetyâto say out loud.
Because was it just himâor did your article sound like a defeat? Not the kind written in bitterness, but in surrender.
An epiphany dressed in grace.
Like you had finally laid everything downâyour hope, your waiting, your quiet what-ifsâand decided that telling his story was the only closure you were ever going to get.
His heart pounds harder now than it did during his entire workout. Not from strain. From urgency. From the sudden, all-consuming fear that he might be too lateâtoo late to explain, to show up, to fix the way silence unraveled everything.
Too late to ask for something he didnât know he was still allowed to want. Something that had always lingered just beyond his reachânot because it wasnât there, but because he never dared to reach out and take it.
That you were still willing to give after all these years, If only he had asked. If only he had trusted that maybe, just maybe, love wasnât about timing or pride or silenceâbut about the courage to choose it anyway.
And now, with your words still ringing in his head and the ache of what-ifs pressing into his ribs, he runs.
Because for the first time in a long time, he isnât afraid of falling.
Heâs afraid of missing the chance to fall with you.
A notification lights up his screen, and itâs from his assistantâyour full address, no questions asked.
Sunghoon doesnât waste a second. He tosses his phone onto the passenger seat, starts the engine, and drives like his heartâs pacing himâfast, frantic, barely keeping rhythm. The city blurs past in streaks of gold and grey, and his knuckles grip the steering wheel like itâs the only thing holding him together.
By the time he reaches your apartment, he doesnât bother fixing his hair, or the way his hoodie clings to him, soaked from sweat and adrenaline. Or the fact that its well-past midnight and heâs here at your apartment building. He takes the stairs two at a time, too restless for the lift, too afraid the silence will make him second-guess what heâs come here to say.
You open the door mid-knock, eyes wide, mouth parting in surprise.
âSunghoon?â your voice is a mix of concern and disbelief. âHow did you know I lived here?â
You stare at him, bewildered, heart stammering against your ribs.
He looks at you like youâre not real. Like heâs been chasing something impossible and suddenly, impossibly, itâs standing right in front of him. Thereâs yearning in his eyesâraw and unguardedâand when he takes a step closer, you notice it.
The limp. Subtle, but there.
âDid you run here? Godâyour injuryââ
But you donât get to finish.
Because he closes the distance and pulls you into himâarms wrapping around you in one fluid, desperate motion, like his body moved before his mind could catch up. There are no words. No explanations. Just the solid, trembling weight of him anchoring himself to you, like heâs been carrying the absence of this moment for too long, and can no longer bear it.
You stand frozen, caught off guard by the heat of him, the quiet urgency in his embrace, the way he fits against you like heâs spent the past four years trying to unlearn the shape of thisâand failing.
âSunghoon,â you say, your voice fragile, unsteady, trembling at the edge of disbelief. âWhat are youâ?â
But he doesnât let go.
âDonât leave me,â he chokes out, the words low and fractured, muffled into the fabric of your t-shirt. You feel his breath at the side of your neck before you hear his next words.
âPleaseâŠâ
You feel it thenâhow hard heâs shaking. How tightly his fingers clutch at the back of your shirt like a lifeline. The weight of his body pressed against yours isnât just exhaustionâitâs grief, longing, guiltâall of it simmering under the surface and spilling out in a single, vulnerable plea.
Your hands hover awkwardly at your sides, unsure where theyâre allowed to go. Unsure if theyâre still his to reach for. And somehow, that hesitationâyour silence, that flicker of doubtâit splits something open inside him.
âIâll wait,â he blurts suddenly, pulling back just enough so he can look you in the eye. His own are red-rimmed, glassy, but thereâs a sharp kind of clarity there too. âIâll wait for you, Y/N.â
âSunghoonâŠâ you whisper, your voice unsteady, caught somewhere between confusion and something that feels dangerously close to hope. âWhere is this coming from?â
His chest is rising and falling against yours, uneven. He swallows hard, and you see itâthe way his jaw flexes like heâs trying to keep himself steady. His eyes flicker, not away from you, but like heâs searching for the words heâs never learned how to say out loud. His breath catches once, then again, before he finally forces himself to speak.
âI read the article,â he says, quiet but clear.
And immediately, you understand. Because you know exactly what part heâs referring toânot the skating analysis, not the announcement of his retirement. He means the parts laced with goodbye. The parts where your words stopped being objective and became soft, tired farewells tucked between the lines that only he would recognise.
It was a goodbye to skating.
But more pressinglyâfor Sunghoonâit read like a goodbye to him.
âLet goââ you start, trying to get some space, to breathe, to make sense of the tangle youâve both fallen into.
But his grip only tightens.
âThat articleââ You pause, biting down the rush of emotion rising in your throat. âThat article wasnât meant to change anything.â
âI know,â he says, his arms still around you. âBut it did. It made me realise just how much Iâve tried to pretend I could move on from you.â
You freeze. Not because you donât understand him, but because you do. Too well. And that terrifies you.
âLet go,â you say quietly, voice strained, like you need to put space between you before you drown in everything heâs saying. âJust⊠let go so we can talk.â
He hesitates, then releases you with reluctance, his hands falling to his sides like he doesnât know what to do with them now that they arenât holding you. You catch the way his shoulders rise, tense and uneasy. How his hands shake slightly at his sides. And when he blinks, thatâs when you see itâhis eyes glossing over, the shimmer of something threatening to spill.
âI never stopped loving you,â he says, his voice cracking at the edges. âEven when I left. Even when I convinced myself it was better that way. I still loved you. I just⊠didnât know how to be with you and still be okay with myself.â
âNow suddenly youâve figured it all out?â you ask, and the bitterness in your tone surprises even you. But itâs real. Youâre not trying to punish himâyouâre just scared. Scared of falling back into something that once left you hollow.
âNo,â he says immediately, and thereâs no defensiveness in his voiceâjust quiet truth. âNot suddenly. But Iâve had time. And space. And it turns out neither of those things taught me how to forget you, Y/N.â
You look at himâreally lookâand it hits you just how much effort itâs taking him to say these things. How his shoulders are drawn tight, how he canât keep still, how his fingers twitch like they want to ball into fists but wonât. Heâs not used to thisâexposing himself, risking the quiet between you.
And you hate how much you want to believe him. How even now, your heart betrays you by leaping at his words, melting at the sound of your name in his mouth like it still belongs there.
You press your lips together, trying to swallow the ache building in your throat. You want to scream, to cry, to ask why heâs doing this nowâwhy he always waits until itâs too late. Why he only finds the words once your heartâs already been rearranged around his absence.
But all that comes out is, âYouâre saying everything I wanted to hear back then, Sunghoon. But thatâs the thingâitâs back then. Iâm not the same girl you remember. Iâm not the girl who was always waiting for you to show up.â
And yet, even as the words leave your mouth, you know that was a blatant lie. Because the truth is, you were that girl. For far longer than youâd ever admit.
âYou asked me then,â he starts, voice barely above a whisper, âWhat do I remember you by.â
You freeze.
Itâs not the sentence itself that gets youâitâs the way he says it. Careful. Almost reverent. Like the question has been haunting him all this time, long after you threw it into the air thinking it would vanish unanswered.
âI remember you as the girl who poured her entire heart into everything she touchedâyour academics, your friendships⊠me, even after I left for Spain. You were relentless in the way you showed up for people, even when they didnât always know how to show up for you.â
He doesnât look at you immediately. His gaze drifts somewhere over your shoulder, like the weight of the memory is too tender to hold eye contact just yet.
Your heart clenches. You hate how easily those memories come flooding backâthe all-nighters, the deadlines, the way you clung to structure and control because it was the only thing you could manage while everything with him felt like trying to build a home on sand.
âI remember our first day. Freshman orientation. You couldnât even look at me properly when we got paired up. I thought you hated me,â his lips twitch, faintly, like heâs caught between a smile and something sadder. âBut then you offered to carry half the pamphlets because I looked tired from training, and I realisedâyou were just shy. You were this quiet, nervous girl who still somehow managed to be kind when she was uncomfortable.â
Now his eyes return to yours, and thereâs something in them that makes your chest ache. Heâs remembering you, in detail, like he carried those moments with him even when he left you behind. And that shouldnât make you feel warm. But it does. And you hate that.
âI remember the blush on your cheek when you asked me out for the first time,â he says, smiling faintly. âYou were so nervous I thought you were going to change your mind halfway through. But you didnât. You stood there, eyes wide, hands shaking, and still said it anyway.â
You hate how clearly you remember that moment too. The way your heart had raced. The way he smiled at you like youâd surprised him in the best possible way.
âI remember you sitting in the bleachers,â he continues. âHead down, focused on your notes, your laptop. But you were watching me, too. Even when you didnât say anything, you were always there. And God, that meant more than I ever told you.â
Your grip tightens over your sleeves, arms crossed to stop your hands from shaking.
âI remember how your eyes would light up when you opened those Popmart boxes, like it was magic every single time. Youâd show me the little figurine like it was gold. And youâd smile at me like you wanted me to be excited with you. I didnât always get it. But I remember thinking, I hope she knows how loved she deserves to feel for the rest of her life.â
Your eyes sting.
He shifts, like the next words are heavier, harder to pull from his chest.
âI remember your words,â he says now, gaze locked on yours. âThe ones you gave so freely when I was too buried in pressure to ask for them. I remember your voice when you encouraged me, when you believed in me, when I didnât believe in myself.â
âI remember the warmth of your hugs. I remember the shape of your lips when you kissed me. And everything in between.â
His eyes lower for a beat. His tone changesânot dimmer, but honest in a way that hurts.
âAnd I remember the fights too. The arguments. The silences. The doors that closed too hard, and the words that came out sharper than we meant them to. I remember how frustrated you got. I remember how I pulled away. And I remember that, tooâbecause even those moments mattered. Even those were you loving me in the only way you knew how: by fighting for us.â
He looks back at you now, fully, like heâs trying to hand you all of itâevery memory, every piece. Your chest tightens, breath caught between inhale and collapse.
âYou loved me enough to care. Even when it got messy. Even when I made it hard. You cared when I didnât know how to. You stayed when I didnât make it easy to be around me.â
The tears come then. They track down his cheeks slowly at first, then faster, like somethingâs come loose inside him that he canât hold back anymore. He doesnât wipe them away. He just stands there, crying in front of you like heâs spent years trying not to.
âAnd I think about that version of us all the time,â he says. âNot just the good. Not just the beautiful. But all of it. The whole you. The real you.â
âThatâs how I remember you, Y/N. I remember you as the girl who loved me when I didnât know how to love myself. And even now, Iâm still trying to figure out how to be someone who was worthy of all that love."
Your breath catches, but you donât let it out. Not yet.
Because something in you knows that if you exhale, if you react, you might fall apart entirely.
His words are still hanging in the air, soft but sharp, like silk laced with barbed wire. Theyâre gentleâbut they hurt. Because theyâre real. Because theyâre him. The him you waited for. The version you wanted to hear from long before all the damage was done.
And now heâs here, finally saying all the things you once begged for in silence. And you donât know what to do with it.
You feel a tear slip down your cheek before you even realise itâs there. Your heart is making too much noise in your chest. Every beat sounds like a memoryâof those bleacher nights, of ramen cups shared between lectures, of the small, quiet joy of feeling seen, even when he never said it out loud. You remember all those things too.
And thatâs the problem.
Because part of you wants to believe it. Wants to step forward. Wants to reach for him and say, I remember you, too. Not the public figure. Not the Ice Prince. But the boy who once laid his head in your lap after a long day and asked you to stay, even if he couldnât say the words.
But another part of youâolder now, wearierâpulls back. Because love wasnât enough the first time. Because his silence hurt. Because you were the one who waited. Who stayed. Who forgave and forgave and slowly lost parts of yourself trying to hold everything together while he figured out who he was without ever asking who you were becoming.
And now, here he is. Saying the right things. Crying real tears. Standing still when he used to run.
But what does that mean now, when youâve taught yourself to survive without him?
You feel your throat tighten, your arms crossed like a shield, like maybe if you just hold yourself hard enough, the years between you will stop trembling through your spine. You want to speakâbut nothing comes out.
Because how do you respond to something so tender when all youâve learned since him is to protect yourself from softness?
You blink up at him, your eyes burning, and part of you whispers, He means it this time.
And another voice, quieter but steady, asks, But is that enough?
So you say nothing for a moment. Just stand there. Your whole body a battlefield between memory and survival.
And then, softly, you speak.
âI donât know what to do with this,â you admit, eyes flicking away from him. âI donât know how to trust what youâre offering. You hurt me, Sunghoon. You left. And I carried that.â
You see the hope falter just a little in his eyes. But he nods.
âIâm not asking you to do anything,â he says. âI justâŠÂ I couldnât let your words be the last thing between us. I needed you to know that I remember you. That I never stopped loving you.â
You donât respond right away. You donât know how to. Your heart is loud in your ears, screaming all the things youâre too scared to say. Because this feels like standing on a cliff again, and this time, youâre not sure if thereâs anything on the other side to catch you.
âIâll wait,â he says suddenly, voice rough, but steady with something fierce. âIf you need time, Iâll give it. If you need space, Iâll step back. But justâpleaseâ
Your throat tightens. âAnd what if I donât have anything left to give you?â
âThen Iâll understand,â he says, voice rough. âIâll carry that. But I had to say it. I had to try. And I know it doesnât make up for anything, but itâs all Iâve got. Iâm standing here, telling you I love you, and I will waitâfor however long it takesâbecause I donât want to live the rest of my life wondering if you ever wouldâve said yes.â
And just like that, you feel the air leave your lungs in one long, shaking exhale. Not from panic. Not from pain. But from a bittersweet relief.
The sincerity in his voice is unmistakableâstripped bare of pride, of performance, of everything he used to hide behind. This isnât the Sunghoon who pulled away, who stayed silent when it mattered. This is the boy who finally understands what it means to show up.
After four years of silence, a leg injury that will never truly heal, and a heart broken into a million piecesâyours, his, bothâshattered by time, by distance, by everything neither of you had the words to fix back then.
And Sunghoonâyour Sunghoon, the one who knows you better than youâd like to admitâwatches you carefully, like heâs afraid youâll misinterpret everything heâs just saidâafraid youâll think this is another case of bad timing or misplaced nostalgia.
Then, after a long, tentative pause, his voice softensâbut thereâs no doubt in it.
âAnd I know we already talked about this the other day,â he says, his voice careful. âBut just so weâre clear⊠I need you to hear it again.â
You look up, heart thudding as he meets your gaze head-on.
âThis⊠us⊠me being here,â he says slowly, deliberately, âitâs not because skating didnât work out. Itâs not some knee-jerk reaction because the ice stopped being kind to me.â His throat bobs as he swallows, blinking back the weight behind his words.
âI fell out of love with skating a long time ago,â he continues, âbut I never fell out of love with you, Y/N.â
The silence that follows is immediate. Heavy.
Because no matter how hard youâve tried to bury the thoughtâor pretend it never crossed your mindâit still lingers in the quiet, persistent and sharp: If he hadnât lost skating⊠would he have come back at all?
But now, with that truth laid bare between you, your breath catches.âand for the first time in a long time, you donât feel like someone he remembered too late. You donât feel like the consolation prize. Or the safe fallback.
You feel chosen.
Heâs here. He finally ran to youânot out of impulse, not out of guilt, and most certainly not because he had nowhere else to go.
But because he wants to stay. In the mess he created. In the aftermath. In whatever comes next.
He made sure to communicate that clearly to you.
And for the first timeâheâs the one offering to wait. Heâs not asking for guarantees. Heâs not walking ahead, expecting you to catch up.
Heâs right here.
Meeting you halfway.
The same halfway that, truthfully, youâve never walked away from. Not really. Not fully. Because even in the silence, even in the years you spent convincing yourself youâd moved on, there was always a part of you standing in placeâwaitingâin every version of yourself you tried to become without him, wondering if heâd ever meet you there.
Now he has.
And the truth is, you still want him just as much as he wants you.
You donât know the exact moment the clarity came.
Maybe it was the way his voice cracked when he said your name, like it physically hurt to speak it aloud. Maybe it was the way he remembered every tiny, unremarkable piece of youâthe girl who sat in the bleachers, who lit up at Popmart figurines, who loved so loudly it scared him. Maybe it was the way he criedâopenly, without shameâor how he waited for your silence like he was willing to carry whatever your answer might be.
But when it hit, it was quiet. Gentle. Unmistakable.
You still love him. You never stopped.
You tried. God, you really tried. You built a life without him, crafted a version of yourself that didnât flinch at his name, convinced yourself you were fineâthat you could breathe without the weight of his absence crushing your ribs. But even on your best days, there was always that ache. That dull, ever-present ache that no one else ever quite touched.
âIâm sorry for making this complicated for you,â Sunghoon says suddenly, voice so soft it nearly gets swallowed by the quiet. âIâll give you time to think.â
He starts to turn away, the line of his shoulders already retreating, his eyes cast to the ground like heâs ready to disappear again.
You should say something.
But you donât.
You just moveâmore instinct than anything. One step, then two, and wrap your arms around him from behind like youâre anchoring yourself to the only thing thatâs ever felt simultaneously this terrifying and this right.
Sunghoon freezes. Completely still.
You feel it first in the way his shoulders tense, tension rippling through his body like your touch startles something buried too deep to nameâthen the slow, excruciating way he exhales, as if heâs been holding his breath the whole time.
You press your forehead lightly into his back. Heâs warm. Solid. Real.
Sunghoon shifts, beginning to turn toward you but your grip tightens ever so slightly. âNo. Donât turn around yet,â you say, your voice trembling. âNot yet. Just⊠listen.â
His breath catches again, but he nods, hands limp at his sides, letting you press your heart against the shape of his back like it might finally say all the things your mouth never could.
You close your eyes and let the words comeâraw and unpolished, everything youâve buried for far too long.
âI hated how you shut down when things got hard between us. I hated how I always had to be the one to reach out, to fix things, to guess what you were feeling when all I wanted was for you to just say it.â
His shoulders flinch slightly. You can feel the guilt settle into the line of his spine. His heartbeat picks up, echoing between you like thunder. Still, he doesnât move.
âI hated how you always made decisions on your ownâlike I wasnât part of the picture. Like love was something you had to protect me from instead of something we couldâve fought for together.â
Your voice cracks on the last word, but you push through.
âI hated how you walked away without telling me the truth. How you let me believe I wasnât worth holding onto.â Your grip loosens as your voice softens. And as you do, Sunghoonâs fingers twitch near yours like he wants to reach for your hand but doesnât know if heâs allowed.
âAnd worst of all I hate that even after all of thatâafter the silence, the heartbreak, the wonderingâI still canât forget you.â
His fingers curl slightly, not quite fists, but as if holding himself in place. As if your words are the only thing keeping him from falling apart.
âI love the way you lace your skates, the way you scrunch your nose when you laugh, the way you never let go of your childhood dreams even when they broke you. I love how you tried to protect meâeven if it hurt. I love how you remember everything about me, even the things I thought didnât matter. Even the things I was sure you forgot.â
You speak.
âI love how you cuddled me in my sleepâI hate how you let the quiet speak for you. I love how you loved me, even when you didnât know how to show it. Even when I hate the fact you didnât know how to show it.â
He listens.
And with every word you spill, every confession you finally give voice to, something in him unknots. His spine softens against you, leaning back into your embraceâjust enough for you to feel the weight of him, the way he surrenders to the moment. His heartbeat thrums steadily beneath the fabric of his hoodie, loud and alive where your cheek presses lightly into the space between his shoulder blades.
âAnd I hate how I still love all those parts. The beautiful ones, the difficult ones, the ones that tore me apart.â
Sunghoon doesnât speak right away. Doesnât even move until heâs sure youâre done.
âI never stopped loving you, Sunghoon. Thatâs the problem.â
When you whisper those words, you swear he stops breathing altogether. You feel it rush out of him, like the weight of that truth floors him where he stands.
âI donât need time,â you add, barely audible. âI just needed to be sure this was real. That you were.â You take a shuddering breath, close your eyes, and press your cheek more firmly against himâhoping, in some impossible way, that you can feel him even closer than he already is.
âIâm scared,â you admit. âI donât know how to do this again. I donât know how to trust what we were, or what we could be. But I know I still care. I know I still want you.â
âAnd Iâm tired of pretending I donât.â
God, you want to laugh. Or slap yourself in the face because of how terrifyingly easy it was to believe him again. How a few trembling words and tear-soaked confessions cracked through years of hurt like they were never there to begin with.
How your heart, traitorous and stubborn, still knows the shape of him like a story it never stopped rereading.
And your stupid, foolish heartâbruised from all the almosts and maybesâis choosing to continue writing that story.
You donât say anything more.
And thatâs when he moves.
Slowly, cautiously, Sunghoon turns in your arms, and the look in his eyes nearly shatters you. Hope. Guilt. Wonder. All of it, all at once.
His eyes are glossy, lips parted in disbelief. His hands rise, trembling as he cups your faceâso gently, like heâs afraid youâll slip through his fingers if he blinks. You feel the pulse in his fingertips where his thumb brushes your jawâstill racing, still loud. Like your presence alone is enough to send it surging. Like heâs never been more alive than in this quiet, fragile moment with you.
He gently rests his forehead against yours, the space between you shrinking until it barely exists. His hands are trembling, but his touch is impossibly tenderâthumb brushing against your cheek, catching a tear, and then another. You hadnât even realised you were full-blown crying until his fingers found the evidence.
And thenâjust when you think your heart canât take any moreâhis next words knock the air from your lungs like a punch and a prayer all at once.
âCan I kiss you?â he whispers, voice hoarse and breaking with every syllable. âPlease⊠tell me I still can.â
The plea hangs between you, fragile and breathless.
His chest is rising and falling in shallow, uneven rhythm, his pulse frantic beneath your fingertips as you reach upâslowly, instinctivelyâand wrap your fingers around his wrist. You can feel it there: the raw, aching thrum of his heartbeat, louder than words. Like your touch alone is enough to undo him.
Heâs never looked more vulnerable. Never more real. Thereâs no mask, no distance, no practiced calmâjust him. Just Sunghoon, standing in front of you with nothing left to offer but his whole heart, held out in both hands.
You let out a shaky breath, the corners of your lips lifting despite the tears still wet on your skin.
And thenâsoft, quiet, but certainâyou say, âYes.â
As soon as the word leaves your lipsâsoft, breathless, and trembling with everything youâve held back for yearsâSunghoon moves.
Thereâs no hesitation. No time wasted.
The moment he hears your yes, he closes the distance like a man starved for something he thought heâd never taste again. His hands frame your face with a yearning so delicate it makes your heart ache. And thenâheâs kissing you.
It isnât hurried or rough. Itâs deep and devastating, like an apology and a promise all wrapped into one. Like heâs trying to pour four years of silence, of longing, of every missed chance into a single touch.
He kisses you like itâs the first time and the last time all at once.
And youâgod, you melt into it. Into him. Into the feeling of home rediscovered, of time folding in on itself. Your fingers find their way into the hem of his hoodie, clinging onto him like youâre afraid he might vanish if you let go.
But he doesnât.
He stays.
And so do you.
When you finally find it in you to pull away, you do so slowlyâreluctantlyâas if your body hasnât quite caught up with your mind yet. As if some part of you still isnât ready to let go. Your foreheads stay pressed together, breath mingling in the narrow space between you, warm and uneven.
Youâre both breathless. Messy. His hair is damp at the edges, your cheeks are flushed, and your eyes sting with the remnants of unshed tears. His thumb lingers at your jaw, gently tracing the skin as if to memorise the feel of you all over again. You feel the tremble in his breath when he exhales, feel the soft thud of his heart still racing beneath your fingertips.
He doesnât speak right away. Neither do you.
Because in that moment, thereâs nothing to say that could possibly match the weight of what just passed between you.
Youâd been broken once. Both of you.
But right nowâin this quiet, tangled stillnessâit feels like the pieces are finally trying to come back together.
You lean in again, lips parted, drawn to him like gravityâlike your heart still hasnât had enough. But just as your breath brushes against his skin, he gently places a hand on your shoulder and eases you back.
The moment stalls. You blink, startled. A flicker of panic rises in your chestâwas this a mistake? Did he change his mind?
But then he smiles. Soft. Steady. The kind of smile that anchors you.
He pulls you into his arms, wrapping you tight against his chest, one hand cradling the back of your head like heâs afraid youâll shatter if he holds you any less carefully.
âBelieve me,â he murmurs into your hair, voice thick with restraint, âI want you so bad.â
He pulls back just enough to look at you, thumb tracing your cheek, his gaze unbearably tender. âBut not like this. Not when your heartâs still racing and your thoughts are a blur. I donât want this to be another moment we look back on and wonder if it was real.â
His forehead rests gently against yours again, breath fanning over your lips.
Youâre stunned by his honestyâby the weight of his restraint, the care in his voice. And you canât help but compare him to the Sunghoon from four years ago. The boy who never quite knew how to sit still in the presence of raw emotion, whoâd grown so used to skating past vulnerability that he forgot how to let someone in.
Back then, he wouldâve kissed you anyway. Not out of selfishness, but out of fearâfear of the silence that might follow, fear of what waiting might reveal. He didnât know how to confront intimacy without flinching.
But thisâthis Sunghoon in front of you nowâisnât running from the stillness. Heâs standing in it. Letting the quiet settle between you like a promise.
Heâs not rushing. Heâs not deflecting. Heâs choosing you with intention.
âI want to do this right. Slow, if thatâs what it takes. With all of youânot just the part thatâs still reeling from the fall. â
You nod. âYou can stay the night if you like⊠on the couch, of course.â
He grins, eyes flickering with something fond, something teasingâbut there's warmth behind it, restraint. âStarting from ground zero, I see.â He lets out a breath, gentle and steady. âIâm grateful. Really. But I wonât overstay tonight. I thinkâŠâ he pauses, gaze dropping to the floor for a brief second before finding you again, more grounded now, âI think we both have some thinking to do too. And frankly speaking, if you look at me like that any longer, I might actually lose my shit.â
You laugh, soft and disbelieving, the sound muffled by the sleeve you raise to your mouth. And as much as your heart aches to keep him close, to fall back into the comfort of familiarity, you both know tonight canât be about slipping into old rhythms too soon. Not when everything between you is still new and fragile in its honesty.
He reaches out and brushes a hand over your arm. âLet me put you to sleep,â he says, voice lower now, softer. âAnd then Iâll go.â
And you donât fight him on it. Because for the first time, he isnât leaving to run.
Heâs leaving to give you room to choose.
The moment your head hits the pillow, and you feel his lips press a gentle kiss to your forehead, your body sinks into the mattress like it's exhaling. You're not sure if it's the exhaustion from everything thatâs unravelled between you earlier, or the undeniable familiarity of having him close againâhis scent, his warmth, the quiet hum of his breath near yoursâbut sleep finds you almost instantly. It's as if your body remembers him. Trusts him.
Sunghoon lingers. He sits by the edge of your bed, watching the rise and fall of your chest, the soft creases of worry smoothing out from your brow now that you're resting. A small, breathy chuckle escapes him as he leans down, brushing a few strands of hair from your face. âSo peaceful,â he whispers, almost to himself, âand still somehow managing to look like you carry the weight of the world.â
He stays a second longer than he should. Maybe two.
And then, quietly, he stands to leaveâonly to catch the soft glow of your laptop screen still open on your desk. He walks over, intending to shut it, give you the rest you deserve. But as his eyes flicker toward the screen, he recognises the subject line immediately. It's the email to your editor. The article draft.
The cursor blinks steadily at the end of the draftâthe same paragraph that started it all.
Goodbye, Park Sunghoon,
And thank you for everything you didnât have to say.|
The words land like a quiet echo in his chest.
He glances back at your sleeping form on the bed, a faint, solemn smile tugging at his lips. Then he turns, quietly taking a seat at your desk. His fingers hover above the keyboard for a moment.
And thenâbackspace.
Letter by letter, he deletes the final paragraph. In its place, he types slowly. Carefully. Like each word is a stitch trying to mend whatâs been frayed for too long.
When heâs done, he hovers for a moment, rereading every wordâthen clicks âSend.â The email spins off toward your editor. He stands, casts one last look in your direction, and quietly lets himself out.
The next morning, you wake groggy but oddly clear-headed, like your body is still catching up to the storm of feelings it weathered the night before. The room is quiet. Sunlight spills in softly through the blinds, casting golden slats across your blanket. For a moment, you wonder if any of it was realâif he really came, really stood in your doorway, cried in your arms, asked to kiss you like it meant everything.
But the slight indent on the couch cushion. The mug he used. The scent that still lingers faintly in the airâall of it confirms: he was here. It was real.
Your heart thumps at the memory, but itâs interrupted by a harsh vibration rattling on your nightstand. You blink at your phone, screen flooded with notificationsâdozens of missed calls, texts, and pings from your editorial team.
Chase headlines, not men. Catch exclusives, not feelings. âïž
Yunah:
@/you I know you're off today, but I just wanted to say CONGRATS on your story!! See, I knew you could pull this off.
[Attached: 1 Link]
Moka:
The internet is LOSING it over the article!!!
Minju:
Still canât believe you landed exclusive on top of exclusive with Park Sunghoon. Legend behaviour.
Yunah:
Iâm equally shocked heâs been hiding that injury all this time đ
Minju:
I donât want to stress you out but⊠our public inbox is full of people sending selfies of themselves crying. Literal tears.
Moka:
I mean did you READ that last paragraph??? I sobbed too.
You blink at your phone, stunned. Messages keep pouring inâsome from colleagues you barely know, others from strangers outside your publication, all echoing the same thing: the article hit them hard.
Which is⊠strange. Because you donât remember sending the draft.
Brows furrowed, you scroll up through your texts until you find the link Yunah sent. You tap it.
The article is live.
You hold your breath as you read through the bylineâyour name, front and centre. The formatting. The intro you agonised over. The quotes, the story, the soul of it. And then you scroll to the end.
A smile tugs at your lips, and you pull up your chat with Sunghoon.
You:
[Attached: 1 Screenshot]
Was this your doing?
His reply is almost instant.
Sunghoon:
Good morning :)
Maybe? PR said they wanted to switch it up.
You:
And by PR you mean... you?
Sunghoon:
đ
I meant every word.
Itâs what I wanted to say to you and to the world.
Why⊠was it too corny? Iâm sorry if I overstepped.
You bite your lip, heart stupidly fluttering as you reread his words.
You:
No no. Just kinda mad I didnât think of that myself đ
Sunghoon:
Well, you canât beat years of media training đ€·ââïž
You:
Sunghoon, I WORK for the mediaâŠ
He replies almost immediately, like heâs been waiting for your comeback.
Sunghoon:
Let me make it up to you for one-upping you.
Dinner tonight? My treat.
Your fingers hover over the keyboard for a beat before you reply.
You:
I would not accept otherwise.
You set the phone down, unable to contain the quiet laugh that escapes you. Because despite everythingâthe heartbreak, the years apart, the mess of it allâyouâve never felt more like you were exactly where you were meant to be.
The two of you walk slowly along the riverbank, hands gently entwined, his thumb occasionally sweeping across your knuckles like he's still making sure you're real. The evening is still, like even the world has paused to listen. A breeze brushes past, gentle and cool, carrying the scent of spring and something sweet that lingersâsomething that smells like beginnings.
You glance down at your interlocked fingers, how naturally they fall into placeâlike no time has passed at all. The rhythm of your footsteps syncs without effort, the silence between you not heavy, but full. Comfortable. Honest. Familiar in all the ways that matter.
âThis feels like our first date,â you say, smiling without meaning to, the corners of your lips tugged by something warm and indescribable.
He laughs under his breath, a soft, breathy sound that makes your heart swell. âMaybe it is,â he replies. âThe first one where I finally know what Iâm doing.â
You donât reply. Not because you have nothing to say, but because every part of this moment already says it for you.
The sky above is endless, dark velvet speckled with stars. The world moves quietly around youâboats drifting in the distance, couples passing by, the faint sound of laughter from a nearby cafe. But for the first time in a long time, it doesnât feel like youâre watching it all from behind a glass wall. Youâre here. Present. With him.
And heâs here tooâreally here, not as a shadow of a memory, not as someone you're chasing or mourning. But as a man who's finally choosing to stay beside you.
And you thinkâif the world ended right now, if the river froze and time stopped stillâyou would not ask for more than this. Not more than his hand in yours, his voice low beside you, his presence finally steady after years of disappearing acts and empty spaces.
You look at himânot the athlete, not the headline, not the boy who once walked awayâbut the man who returned with no armour, no excuses, only truths. Who stood in front of you trembling, terrified, and still chose to stay. And when you speak, your voice is quiet but certain.
âYou couldâve come back with promises, with charm, with all the right words at the wrong time. But you didnât.â
Thereâs a small beat of silence where he stops walking and you do too, feet planted at the edge of the path where the river glistens. He faces you fully now, his hand still holding yours.
âYou came back to me with everything I ever needed,â you continue.
He opens his mouth, but no words comeâjust the subtle tremble of his chin, the storm of emotions flickering behind his eyes. You take a step closer, pressing your forehead against his, feeling his breath shudder out as though even now, this is too much to believe.
âThis,â he says, almost to himself, âis what I shouldâve fought for back then.â
"All that matters is you are now," you whisper. "You left, and then you learned. You grew. And then you came back.â
And thatâs the difference. Thatâs everything.
This isnât about returning to the past. This is about two people, standing in the aftermath of everything they werenât ready for then, finally finding each other in a version of the world where they are. Choosing to begin againânot from scratch, but from everything theyâve carried and learned and lived through.
His hand stays in yours, steady and warm, like a vow made without words.
You kiss him.
And this time, the kiss isnât a promise or an apology. Itâs not an act of desperation or regret. Itâs a homecoming.
It tastes like relief. Like forgiveness. Like all the years that tried to pull you apart finally surrendering to the truth that you were always meant to find your way back.
When you pull away, he doesnât say anything right away. He just holds you closer, like letting go would unravel the universe itself.
You rest your head on his shoulder, and in that embraceâquiet and undramatic, warm and steadyâyou finally understand what it means to be loved not just in the way you wanted, but in the way you deserved.
Because he loves you now in the way that matters most.
Not as the boy who left. Not as the echo of a love lost to time. But as the man who finally came back to put every broken piece back together with his own hands.
This isnât the love you spent years waiting for.
Itâs the love he had to fight to grow into. The kind born from mistakes, shaped by time, and strengthened through absence. Itâs messy. Flawed. Earned. Real.
It's the kind of love that's loud in his words as much as it is in his presence.
Itâs the kind of love that sees all of you. Not just the polished, loveable parts, but the fractured ones tooâand stays anyway.
And for Sunghoon, this is the love he has worked to deserve. The kind of love that took almost losing everything to understand.
Skating. Himself. You.
Skating was his first loveâthe kind that demanded everything and gave just as much, until it didnât. And like most first loves, it burned bright, glorious, then quietly slipped beyond reach.
And when he said he fell out of love with it a long time ago, something inside you aches.
Because you remember. God, you remember how much he loved it. How much it meant to him. You were there for the early mornings, the ice-burned skin, the sacrifices. You watched him speak with his body when words failed, carve art into frozen ground like it was the only way he knew how to breathe. Skating wasnât just something he did. Itâs his compass. His language. His sanctuary.
You mourn the love he lostâbecause it was beautiful. Because it made him who he was. Because you can only imagine what he mustâve gone through to lose that love. To say it out loud. To bury it. And because it hurts to know that even something so beloved can slip away.
And yet⊠here he is. Standing in front of you, offering up the ashes of what once fuelled him, just to prove that loving you never burned out. That you outlasted the thing that defined him for most of his life. That somehow, someway, you came out on the other sideânot as a consolation, but as a constant.
Even now, you donât know what to do with that kind of love. A love that gave up the world just to come home to you.
Because you know what it cost him. What it cost you.
And even though some part of you swells at the thought that he never stopped choosing you, thereâs another part that grieves for everything he lost along the way.
But one thing is certain:
While skating may have been his first love, Sunghoon intends for you to be his last.
So youâll love him with both hands open. With reverence for the boy he used to be, with gratitude for the man heâs become, and with tenderness for all the versions of him in between.
You will carry the echoes of the boy who once chased gold on the ice and hold space for the man who let it go.
And thatâs the way youâll love himâ
The way he loves you.
[MANIFESTO EXCLUSIVE]
The Final Bow: Park Sunghoon Withdraws from Olympic Delegation and Announces Retirement
By Kang Y/N, Manifesto Daily
In a move that has taken the sports world by quiet surprise, South Korean figure skater Park Sunghoon has officially withdrawn from the 2026 Olympic delegation and announced his retirement from competitive skating.
Park, who recently stunned audiences with a breathtaking performance at the national Olympic tryouts, was widely anticipated to lead the menâs singles category for Team Korea. His name sat at the top of the final athlete roster released by the Korean Skating Union, cementing his spot after years spent away from the competitive spotlight.
However, behind the seamless technique and poise he displayed during the tryouts, Park had been skating through pain. After sustaining a severe tendon injury to his right leg during training abroad in 2023, he underwent a long and difficult recoveryâone that, according to the athlete, never fully restored his capacity to train at the level he once held. Despite managing the condition in silence, Park made the decision to step away before risking further damage to his body.
Having spent the last few years recovering and training quietly overseas, Park re-entered the national circuit not to chase medals, but to rediscover what skating meant to him beyond the pressure of podiums and public expectation. His performance at the tryouts was not only a technical feat but also a statement. A reclamation. A reminder that skating, at its core, was always more than a career. It was a language of feeling.
In his official statement, Park expressed gratitude for the opportunity to return to the ice one last time: âI want to remember it the way Iâve always loved it. For what it gave me. For who I was when I first stepped on the ice.â
Parkâs career has never been defined by loud declarations. He was known for his quiet discipline, his ability to translate stillness into power, grace into precision. From his early victories on the junior circuit to his more introspective, mature performances in recent years, he has remained one of the few athletes whose artistry often spoke louder than any press release.
Though his departure from the delegation was unexpected, it wasnât without intent. Parkâs decision to step back at the height of anticipation is a reminder that not all victories are won under stadium lights. Some are claimed in the quiet resolve to walk away on your own terms.
In related news, Parkâs withdrawal comes just days after the delegation announcement, and in his place, 19-year-old rising star Han Jihoon has been selected to represent Korea in the menâs singles category. Han, who placed fourth at the national tryouts, is widely regarded as one of the most technically gifted athletes of his generation, with a growing fanbase and a reputation for innovation on the ice.
As for Park Sunghoon, he leaves behind a legacy not of statistics, but of stillness. Of dignity. Of skating that always seemed to speak in the spaces where words fell short.
And maybe that was the point all along. Maybe it was never about the podium. Maybe the real victory was simply finding your way back to loving something you once thought you had to leave behind.
holy shit. I think my entire trajectory of life has changed just reading this. The way you were able to convey the emotional sense of literally everything has me reeling and rethinking how I look at the world.
I like how you didn't make the relationship between them superficial and you included real life struggles in most relationships. More fics like this need to be written, where emotion runs raw and becomes unfiltered if left unchecked for too long.
This is genuinely amazing and I'm so glad you put time and effort into this because 44k is not easy and I'm so proud of you! Thank you
this PHYSICALLY invoked emotions within me. my chest tightened and these charged sentiments poured out beautifully from the screen to my heart. and Iâm not even being dramatic.
synopsis: It was supposed to be a joke. a simple experiment after one too many 'but what if we could' questions. but now the college golden boy is convinced he's in love with you, and you have to figure out a way to remind him he's not. unless, of course, the experiment isn't the reason he can't seem to leave you alone.
wc: 22.1k
warnings: romcom, fluff, humor, hockey captain!sunghoon, a lot of chemistry nonsense that is not realistic or accurate, slow-burn (i did not mean for that to happen but it did so sorry), love potion (?), severe yearning, reader is a bit oblivious, reader is a woman in stem, reader AND sunghoon are down baddd, one scene inspired by âbetter then the moviesâ // p in v, fingering, oral f!receiving, multiple orgasms, soft dom!sunghoon, super sweet and giggly sex (theyâre in love your honor), praise kink
ab thinks... i rewatched descendants and this came to me...so thank ben's rendition of "ridiculous" for this LOL. also the chemistry plot kind of got away from me towards the end but i promise the concept is there! this fic meant so much to me to write. it's one of the longest I've ever wrote, and i seriously think that despite how much i complained about writing this, it helped me fall back in love with writing. special thanks to @arischacco @ickbite @ewstain @heedimples and @clearlyhoonie for listening to me complain while also supporting all my ideas. ily guys ok?
the playlist: "black magic" - little mix / "if only" - dove cameron / "slut" - taylor swift / "supernatural" - ariana grande / "ready to love" - seventeen / âtoo closeâ - enhypen
Itâd sounded like a good idea at the time.
But now, as you watch Park Sunghoonâcampus golden boy and the boy youâve been (secretly) in love with for three yearsâliterally drink your experiment, youâre starting to think you might have messed up somewhere.
Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
âOkay, but, like, what are the odds a person could make a real life potion? Or something like it?â Jungwon asks, eyes racing back and forth on the screen as Harry Potter brings back Cedric's dead body.
Yunjin shoots him a glare, her eyes brimming with tears. âAre you seriously asking that right now? Cedric just died!â
He blinks, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "Weâve seen this movie, like, a hundred times.â
âThat doesnât make it any less sad!â She scoffs, reaching for the throw pillow behind her head and tossing it at him.
It hits him square in the chest, but he barely reacts. Just lets it fall into his lap like it'd always been there. âIâm being serious, though!â
Beomgyu hums, popping another pretzel in his mouth. âIâm pretty sure youâre just thinking of chemistry.âÂ
Jungwon rolls his eyes, shifting in his seat so he can better face the three of you. âI mean like an actual potion. Like ones that make you fall in love or something dumb like that.â
You finally decide to speak up, tucking your feet under yourself and pulling your gaze away from the glowing screen. âYou want to know if itâs possible to make a love potion?â You ask, voice laced with disbelief.
But Jungwon doesnât laugh. If anything, he just looks ten times more serious. âExactly.â
The three of you go silent, glancing between eachother like Jungwon might reveal heâs joking and he knows something like that isnât possible.Â
Right?
See, there's a lot of issues with being a Biochemistry major. Some of the more obvious being that youâre a woman in a male-dominated fieldâwhich is a problem in and of itselfâand the other being that itâs extremely difficult.
But the one people donât talk about is your extreme crave for knowledge. Even if that knowledge has to do with finding out whether or not itâs possible to make a fucking love potion.
And you should shoot the idea down as soon as it comes to your head, really, you should. But thereâs that little flicker in the back of your mind, the one that usually gets you into trouble, that has you saying: âIt wouldnât hurt to try, right?â
(Newsflash: it really, really would.)
Three weeks. Thatâs how long it takes the four of you to work out numerous formulas, some which nearly exploded in your face, others that did nothing at all. It wasnât until you suggested using a bit less magnesium does the whole thing seem to be less far-fetched.
Despite her initial scepticism, Yunjin was insistent on finishing it as soon as possible so that she could make Jayâher second situationship of the monthârealize he was in love with her and finally ask her on a proper date. You couldnât help but feel like maybe that was a little unethical.
Besides, youâd already agreed you werenât actually going to use the substance on real people. Youâd test it on rats, see if it worked, and then go to sleep feeling completely and utterly satisfied.
That was the plan, anyway.
You crossed your legs, pencil tapping against your chin as you read over the equations in your notebook. The experiment was nearly completedâbut you just couldnât figure out how to make sure its effects wore off. Beomgyu had suggested maybe substituting the sodium for something else, but you just werenât sure what.
Jungwon groans next to you, letting his forehead rest against the desk. âRemind me again why electives insist on giving more work than necessary? Like, why do I have to write a 15,000 word essay on the history of the internet?â
You snort, shaking your head slightly as the eraser of your pencil rubs furiously against your paper. âRemind me again why you chose to take a class on the internet?â
He lifts his head up, glaring at you the entire time. âI wasnât aware the curriculum included 15 page long think pieces on the significance of Damn Daniel.â
You really laugh at that, lips curling up in a cheeky smile.Â
You and Jungwon usually had nightly study sessions at the campus library. It was a good way to unwind while also getting some work done. Well, more like you were getting work done and he was decoding Vineâs cultural significance.Â
Itâs hard for you to focus though.
Park Sunghoon is considerably the most beautiful man youâve ever had the pleasure of seeing, with raven hair and a smile that stops girls in their tracks, he has officially claimed the title of Campus Golden Boy and local heartthrob.
So how can you be expected to focus when heâs sitting in front of you, looking like that?Â
Heâs wearing glasses, something you werenât even aware he needed, slightly hunched over his glowing computer screen with an adorable knit in his brow. The sight should be illegal, honestly.Â
You donât even notice youâre staring until Jungwon nudges your foot with his, a knowing smirk on his face. âIf you keep staring at him like that he might think thereâs something wrong with you.â
You immediately flush, forcing your gaze back onto your notebook and trying to ignore the fact that your ears have begun to burn something mean.
âI hate you.â You mumble, fully expecting Jungwon to reply with something witty, but it never comes. Instead, when you lift your gaze up, Sunghoon has left his table and begun to make a beeline for you.
Your eyes widen, throat already closing up and panic swelling deep in your chest. Youâd definitely been caught and now he was going to confront you about your stalker-like behavior. You briefly wonder how long it takes for the police to arrive when theyâre called, because he was definitely coming over to inform you that heâd done just that.
âStop looking like your five seconds away from combusting.â Jungwon whispers, tone strangely serious.
You do your best to straighten your posture and make it look like there werenât three-week-old eye bags under your eyes or a mysterious stain on your sweats, but itâs all futile when he flashes you that smile. The one he gave everyone when he was being friendly, something youâd been on the receiving end of before. But, for some reason, this time it feels different.
This time it feels like the start of something new.
He stops at the other end of your table, hand shooting up in a brief wave. âHi,â He breathes out, âWe have chemistry together.â
You blink. Once. Twice. Jungwon kicks your shin and you remember that you should probably reply. âUhâYeah!â Your voice cracks, tone pitching up higher than you meant it too. You clear your throat with a slight wince, doing your best to give him a smile. âYes. Yeah. We do.â
He chuckles, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. And, wow, maybe Jungwon was rightâyou really are about to explode.
âI was having trouble with this last assignment,â He sighs, clearly exasperated, pointing a thumb back at his computer. âWhat are the chances you might be able to help me?â
Okay. This is fine. Amazing, actually. Youâd finished that assignment the other night and you understood it pretty well, so helping him should be a piece of cake.
At least it would be if you didnât seem to forget everything in his presence. Because you can definitely smell a bit of his cologne right now, sharp and clean, and you think youâre going to die. Yep. Youâre going to pass away from cologne.
âYes,â Jungwon answers for you, already ushering you out of your chair. âShe can help you. Trust me, sheâs crazy smart.â
Your eyes widen, staring at your friend in horror as he practically pushes you out of your chair and closer to Sunghoon.
âI know.â Sunghoon replies easily, tone light. Two words, but theyâre enough to nearly send you melting into the floor.
You do your best to stay composed as Sunghoon leads you back to his table, but you arenât entirely sure youâre even going to be able to think next to him. Which is definitely a little pathetic when you think about it, but seriously, look at the man. You are not ashamed in the least.
Jungwon shoots you two thumbs up, dimples showing as he smiles like heâs just won the fucking lottery. You donât return the sentiment, instead shooting him a harsh glare.Â
Sunghoon pulls out the chair next to his computer for you, and you sit down shakily. Your nerves feel completely shot, face on fire and your palms becoming uncomfortably moist.
He gestures to the problem on his screen, murmuring something about how heâd been stuck on it for the last hour.
You nod along, chewing on your bottom lip. The equation he was stuck on was thankfully something you knew how to do, so after taking a breath and reminding yourself that he is simply a boy and you are a very smart woman, you manage to explain it to him.
âYou put a negative there, but the equations actually positive,â You explain, voice still shaking the tiniest bit, but stronger than it was earlier as you gain back some confidence. âYou also wrote the wrong unit over here.â
Sunghoon listens as you explain everything to him, your hands gesturing wildly and words going a mile-a-minute. Itâs obvious to anyone watching you that youâre passionate about the subject.
By the time you finish, heâs already fixing his mistakes and taking the steps needed to get the right answer.
He shifts closer to you, finger dragging over the paper with a light touch, âIs this right?â He asks, voice barely above a whisper. He says it loud enough that only you hear, eyes flickering over the side of your face.
You feel that familiar flush building when his knee brushes yours under the table, but do your best to swallow it down. âUh, yeah. All you have to do now is figure out the correct configuration, which youâre pretty close to doing, and youâll be good to go.â
He hums, leaning back in his seat and flexing his palms. âHow are you so good at this stuff?â He asks with a laugh, eyes raking over yours like heâs trying to fully understand you.
You swallow, playing with your fingers in your lap. âItâs just always interested me, I guess. Like, the fact that we breathe in air and breathe out carbon? And the earth needs carbon to survive, so really weâre helping power the world. Itâs all just so fascinating to me!â Youâre smiling now, talking animatedly, âItâs difficult, yeah, but itâs also rewarding. Like, watching your experiment work is such a rush and Iââ
You cut yourself off, realizing youâre rambling about fucking chemistry like youâre in love with it. He must seriously regret even asking.
âSorry,â You mumble, nervous laughter bubbling out of you like a defense mechanism.
He shifts, leaning forward onto the table now, face turned so heâs still looking at you. âDonât be sorry,â He reassures, eyebrows lifting slightly. âI was listening.â
Okay, wow. You are seriously either about to throw up and die orâŠyeah thatâs it. There arenât any other options.
By the time you make your way back to your table youâre practically shaking, breaths coming in shallow and rushed, your entire body on fire. You feel like youâre in some weird kind of fight or flight.
Jungwons bouncing in his seat, bottom lip sucked into his teeth. He practically pulls you down next to him, beginning to ask you a million questions, but you canât see him.
All you can focus on is the subtle glance Sunghoon gives you when he leaves.
You shouldâve known something was going to go wrong the moment Beomgyu called you.Â
âI swear Iâve almost figured it out,â He sighs into the phone. You canât see him, but you can tell his nose is scrunched up the way it always is when heâs thinking too hard about something. âI think we got the units wrong, but if we can figure out the correct ones it should work.â
You kiss your teeth, bumping your silverware drawer with your hip and letting it slide shut. Your phone rests snugly between your shoulder and ear, your head tilted uncomfortably to accommodate it. âAre you in the lab right now?â You ask.
Beomgyu hums, âJungwon and Yunjin are here too, but I donât really know why considering neither of them are doing anything to help.â He says sharply, and you can hear the subtle cries of retaliation from your two friends in the background.
You snort, rolling your eyes slightly. âOkay, well,â You sit on your couch, attempting to get comfortable and placing your plate of food in your lap. âIâm gonna eat this and then Iâll be over, okay? Try not to blow anything up before I get there.â
âNo promises.â He groans, tone laced with annoyance, but you know itâs all out of love.
You get there twenty minutes later, hair thrown up and sweats hanging off your body. Very professional, you know.
When you push the metal doors open the first sight that greets you is one youâre quite familiar with. Jungwon and Yunjin fighting with each other over something stupid, and Beomgyu ignoring them like they're his children. Nothing says friendship quite like that.
Yunjin immediately shoots up when you enter, her eyes narrowed with anger. âCan you please tell him that Jay is in love with me before I kill him?â
Jungwonâs quick to follow her, knocking his shoulder with hers so that his frame blocks her from your view. âCan you please tell her sheâs known him for a week?"
You roll your eyes and scoot past them, making your way over to Beomgyu. Heâs diligently writing down formulas; bottom lip sucked between his teeth. He's giving off a mad scientist vibe right now. Or maybe just a stressed-out university student vibe. Both are interchangeable.
You nudge his shoulder to get his attention, but he barely even glances at you. Just continues mumbling out questions like he's expecting the universe to answer him.
âWhat can I help with?â You ask, throwing on your lab coat and snapping on a pair of medical gloves.
He groans, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He gestures lazily to the counter top, where a small gatorade bottle is sitting where the glass test tubes usually do. âThose two idiots broke the glass tubes I was holding the liquid in so now I have to use this janky bottle,â He mutters, throwing a glare at Yunjin and Jungwon.
Your experiment was currently sitting in a Blue Crush Gatorade bottle, floating around the bottom unsuspectingly. You snort at the sight, rolling your eyes slightly. âI think they have some extra next door,â You sigh, turning on your heel to go grab them.
But before you can even think about pushing the door open, Sunghoon reveals himself on the other side.
Heâs still in his hockey uniform, helmet hanging from his hand and cheeks flushed a lively pink. You both stand there for a moment, blinking like youâre waiting for each other to make the first move. Jungwon and Yunjin even stop bickering, the both of them staring at you with wide eyes and cunning smiles.
Sunghoon clears his throat, gripping his helmet just the tiniest bit tighter. âSorry for bothering you,â He murmurs, âI, uh, forgot something in here. Just stopping by to grab it.â
Youâre silent for a moment too long, trying to string together a sentence without sounding itâs your first day on earth. It turns out, itâs a bit difficult to do that when Sunghoon is staring at you like that.
Like heâs trying just as hard as you are to not burst at the seams.Â
âCan I scoot past?â he asks, tone small and light, a shy smile playing on his lips.
You swallow, managing a small nod and moving to the side weakly. His fingers brush yours when he scoots past, sending a cool shiver down your spine, one that shouldnât feel as electric as it does.
He waves at Jungwon and Yunjin, who both give him polite smiles, but you can see the way their eyes shine at him. Like they know something he doesnâtâwhich they doâbut still.
Yunjin hurries over to your side as soon as his back is to you, giving you the brightest smile you think youâve ever seen. She grabs your bicep with her manicured hand, squeezing it so tightly you have half the mind to think itâll bruise.
âOh my God,â She whispers, eyes flickering between you and Sunghoon, whose eyebrows seem to be narrowed in confusion as he looks for whatever it is he left. âDid you see the way he looked at you?â
You immediately flush, smacking her lightly on the shoulder. âShut up.â You grumble.
âIâm being serious!â She defends, wiggling her eyebrows. âEven I got butterflies.â
You run a hand over your face, head shaking slightly. âYunjin, seriously, stop talking.â
She laughs, but you canât find it in yourself to laugh with her. Even if Sunghoon was looking at you a certain way, it didnât mean anything. Not when Sophia was still around.
Sophia was the complete opposite of Sunghoon. A rude party girl who assumed the world revolved around her and her perfectly blown-out hair. And somehow, someway, sheâd gotten the dark-haired man wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger.
Their relationship was constantly off and on, mostly because Sophia could never seem to make up her mind on what man she was interested in that week. And Sunghoon, poor, beautiful Sunghoon, always went back to her. Sometimes you wondered if she had some kind of blackmail on him. Or maybe he was just a secret masochist. Both answers were equally concerning.
They seemed to be on one of their breaks right now, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before she's showing up at his games again. You hate that the thought of it fills your chest with green smoke.
You turn around on your heel to continue your walk to the classroom next door, but the sound of Beomgyu shrieking stops you.
You whip around, half expecting something to have exploded, but instead the sight youâre met with is worlds more alarming.Â
Sunghoon, the campus golden boy and secret love of your life, is drinking your experiment. Literally. Lid to mouth, chugging it like it's water.
Beomgyu rips it from him, but itâs too late. Almost all of the liquid, aside from a few measly drops in the bottom, is gone.
The four of you freeze, watching Sunghoon like heâs grown three heads. But the boy in question just blinks at you with confusion. His tongue flicks out to lick a drop off his bottom lip, eyes flickering between the three of you. âWhat?
Beomgyu takes a cautious step towards him, arm held out like heâs worried Sunghoon might go rabid and lunge at him. âDo you feel anythingâŠstrange?â
Sunghoon swallows awkwardly, lips curving into a concerned smile. âUm,â he murmurs, letting out a nervous laugh. âShould I?â
You share a glance with Jungwon, who just shrugs his shoulders. The four of you are in different stages of shock, because why would somebody drink a mysterious liquid in a lab? What is the thought process behind that?
Yunjin looks like she's holding back a laugh, which isn't that shocking since she always laughs at the most inappropriate times. Meanwhile Jungwon looks nearly amused, like he'd known this would happen, and Beomgyu just looks pissed.
âSunghoon,â Jungwon murmurs, circling the ravenette like heâs studying him, a hand on his chin. âWhy did you drink out of that bottle?â
Sunghoon watches him, head twisting around his shoulder every time Jungwon makes his way out of his line of sight. âBecause itâs mine? I left it here last night.â He answers casually.
Your eyes snap to Beomgyu, watching as his eyes trail down to the bottle in his hand.Â
âYou guys alright?â Sunghoon asks, tone laced with suspicion. Not that you can really blame him.
Yunjinâs the first to answer, a honey-sweet smile on her face. âOh, yeah, weâre good! JustâŠdeadlines. You know how people get.âÂ
Sunghoon nods, eyebrows knit together. âRight,â He mumbles, pursing his lips slightly. His eyes flicker between all of you once more, like if he stares at you long enough one of you might break.Â
When his eyes land on you, he pauses. Itâs just a moment, something you wouldnât have caught if you werenât paying attention, but something you arenât quite sure how to place flashes in his gaze. Something far too real and confusing.
âI should, uh,â He swallows, gesturing lazily towards the door. âI should go.â
You nod, lips parted slightly as he slips past you.Â
Beomgyu clearly wants to stop him and ask more questions, maybe try and keep him for observation, but you shoot him a look that tells him to let it go. Your experiment being gone sucks, yes, but if he seems fine then there isnât any reason to scare him. And if he isnât fine later then you can deal with it then.
Sunghoon glances back at you before he leaves, lips parting like he wants to say something more, but he decides against it. Instead, he pushes the door open and steps back outside, leaving the four of you to try and come to terms with what happened.
Theres a pregnant pause, mostly because you think nobody really knows how to approach the situation. How do you move on with your day after your personal campus celebrity drank your fucking experiment? It's seriously a valid question.
Yunjin clears her throat, arms crossing over her chest. âSo... does this mean I canât use it on Joshua?" She asks, expression completley serious.
Beomgyu lets out a large sigh, fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose like it might ground him. âYunjin,â He murmurs, âShut up.â
She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "It was a genuine question."
Your lips tighten, hand reaching out to give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "You weren't going to be able to use it on him anyway."
"You don't know that!"
You canât help but feel on edge when you walk into your Chemistry lecture the next day, hands gripping your computer tighter than necessary.
Would Sunghoon be here? Would he be okay? Did he die sometime in the night and the campus just wasnât aware? What if the police were waiting for you so they could question you?
What would you even say? Well, you see officer, he kind of drank my experiment. So sorry it killed him! Yeah, no. That wasnât gonna work.
To your relief, there arenât any police officers waiting for you in the lecture hall, and Sunghoon seems to be perfectly fine.
Except, heâs sitting in Yunjinâs usual seat right next to yours.
You immediately pause, heart dropping to your stomach. This has never happened, ever, and you already know it must mean bad news.
Heâs writing something in his notebook casually, hair curling over his forehead in a way that makes him look hand-sculpted by the Gods themselves. Your mouth goes dry, eyes flickering across the room until they land on a sly looking Yunjin. She curls her fingers at you in a sultry wave, like she knows exactly what sheâs doneâwhich youâre sure she does.
And, conveniently, every other seat in the room is full. Which means you have no other choice than to sit by Sunghoon.
Which is perfectly fine. Yep. Itâs fine.
You force yourself to make your way to your seat, feet dragging the entire way, head hanging so that your hair covers your face. Is it a little pathetic? Yeah, definitely. But youâre way past caring.
You try to sit down as incredulously as possible, making sure your body is conveniently facing away from him. And for the first few minutes it works! Sunghoon doesnât glance at you when you open your computer and pull up the assignment, doesnât even blink when you sneeze right next to his ear.
And when you think youâre finally in the safeâfinally feel like you can let yourself relaxâit happens.
Sunghoon turns to you, his cheeks flushed a strange shade of pink, eyes strangely bright and pupils blown, and says in a scarily serious tone, âHow are you, beautiful?â
You donât even register it at first. It feels so absurd, so out of reach that he could even be thinking about saying that to you, that you completely ignore him. You assume he must be on the phone with Sophia, because there is absolutely no way Park Sunghoon just called you beautiful. It just wasnât possible.
But then his foot finds yours under the table, and he starts trying to play fucking footsie with you. You freeze momentarily, brain trying itâs very hardest to catch up with whatever the hell it is thatâs going on right now.
You swallow, finally forcing yourself to look at him. For a moment you really wish you hadnât, because heâs got this cheeky smile going on, like heâs content just being in your presence.
You clear your throat, looking around once more for confirmation that he isnât talking to anyone else. Your pointer finger comes up to point at yourself hesitantly, voice coming out in a small whisper when you say, âAre you talking to me?â
His foot stops nudging against yours now that youâve finally answered him, and his smile widens. âWho else would I be calling beautiful?â
You nearly choke on your own spit, hand flying up to your mouth as you fall into a coughing fit. Sunghoons hand comes up to rub soothingly on your back like heâs done it a million times.
âWhat are you talking about?â You manage between coughs, eyes wide like youâve just seen a bomb go off.Â
Well, this certainly feels like one has.
Your mind can't even make sense of what he's saying. It almost feels like he's speaking another language and you're using google translate to try and communicate with him.
Sunghoon laughs, head shaking as his hand travels up to ruffle your hair. âYouâre so funny sometimes, really. Did you know that? Honestly, Iâve always thought you were the funniest girl Iâd ever met. And the prettiest.â His eyelashes flutter, leaning his cheek onto his hand like heâs got some type of school-girl crush. âI want the whole world to know just how perfect you are.â
Youâre too shocked to even respond, lips opening and closing while you rack your brain for anything to say. This is so out of character for Sunghoon. Not just because his admiration is aimed at you, but because youâve gone to university with him long enough to know he doesnât act like this.
And then it hits you.
The fucking experiment.
You are so screwed.
You clear your throat, glancing around warily. Your professor started lecturing a few minutes ago, but you were so busy with Sunghoon you had no idea what it was he was even talking about.
You suck in a shaky breath, âOkay, listen, I know youâre probably confused right now." You attempt, voice quiet as to not draw any attention to whatâs going on. âBut you drank something you shouldnât have yesterday, which isnât your fault! Me and Beomgyu just have to figure out how to reverse its effects! Unless, of course, it wears off by itself. That would definitely be ideal.â You mumble the last part, bottom lip finding its way between your teeth just like it always does when youâre thinking too hard.
Sunghoon watches you with a dopey smile on his face, clearly not caring about anything that youâre saying. The sight makes your heart stutter, which you know shouldnât happen. Personal feelings about Sunghoon aside, he doesnât actually feel anything for you. He just thinks he does.
âYouâre so cute when youâre focused.â He murmurs, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
Your breath catches when the tips of his fingers brush against your cheek, the touch soft and intentional. He's gazing at you with so much love, so much genuine feeling, it breaks your heart the tiniest bit.
And you wonder for the briefest moment what would happen if you let yourself indulge in this. Even if just for a day. Would it be so bad?
He pulls away from you slowly, the tips of his ears pink and his lips curled into a shy smile. âYouâre beautiful,â he murmurs again.
You sigh, letting your head fall into your hands. âSunghoonââ
He stands from his seat abruptly, his chair scratching against the floor obnoxiously. You wince, head whipping up to figure out what the hell it is heâs doing.
âEveryone!â He announces, voice booming through the lecture hall. You immediately scramble to stop him, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt to try and pull him back down. He just ignores you, instead choosing to continue to address the whole class like heâs giving some big speech.
âIâm in loveâ!â
Yeah, no.
You practically wrestle him into his chair, pulling on his arm so hard he nearly collapses into your lap. You push him into his chair, a shaky smile on your face.
The class stares at you with unamused frowns, all clearly annoyed at having the lecture interrupted by Sunghoons near-declaration.
You clear your throat, hands waving in front of you. âHeâs just not feeling well,â You attempt nervously, a humorless laugh bubbling out of your lips like it might save you from embarrassment. It doesnât.
Your professor fixes you with a stern look, one that youâd never been on the receiving end of until this moment. Now, youâre starting to understand why people say sheâs so icy.
You murmur out apologies to the room, hoping to ease at least some ofthe growing tension between you and your peers. Yunjins looking at you with genuine shock, her hand covering her mouth like sheâs hoping to spare you any kind of embarrassment. It doesnât work.
You turn your attention back to Sunghoon, whoâs giggling in his chair like heâd just witnessed the funniest thing ever.
âWhat is wrong with you?â You hiss, beginning to pack your stuff as well as his. Youâd thought youâd wait until class was over to go find Beomgyu, but after that stunt youâre starting to think your social life might go down if you donât figureout how to fix this ASAP.
Sunghoon shrugs, fingertips tapping against his thigh. âIs it a crime to tell people about the girl I love?â
You tense for a moment, but donât stop gathering the rest of your things. âYou donât love me.â You manage out, voice cracking slightly. âYouâre just confused.â
Sunghoon grabs your wrist and stops you from closing his notebook, his thumb hovering over your pulse point. âIâm not confused.â He insists, and, God, for a second you almost believe him. Itâd definitely be easier to.
But you know he doesnât know what heâs saying. Heâs confusing his emotions for you with something elseâsomething that isnât there.
Something that will never be there.
You pull your wrist out of his grip, a sad smile on your face. âCâmon,â You manage, throwing your bag over your shoulder. âLet's go talk to Beomgyu.â
The walk to Beomgyuâs apartment is filled with endless yapping from Sunghoon and mostly silence from you. You arenât sure how you should reply to his advances considering he doesnât actually know what heâs saying. You keep telling yourself to imagine heâs on some weird drug that makes him more open than normal. And ten times more flirty.
Beomgyus apartment is just on the cusp of campus, close enough that it wasnât a long walk, but far enough to get some sense of individualism. Youâd been there a thousand times, whether it was for a casual hangout or to catch up on homework, but never in a million years did you imagine youâd be knocking on the door with Park Sunghoon staring at you like youâd hung the moon and the stars.
âStop,â You mumble, fist rapping onto the door again. You know Beomgyuâs home right now.
Sunghoon raises a brow, arms crossed as he leans against the wall next to you. âStop what?â He asks, maintaining his false facade of innocence.
You shoot him a glare, hands gesturing at him wildly. âStop looking at me like that!â
He just hums, like heâs amused at your reaction. And you know none of this is technically his faultâwell, it is but it isnâtâbut thereâs a growing annoyance in your chest that you canât seem to get rid of. If you were going to be subjected to another public embarrassment like what heâd pulled in your lecture you think youâll die.
You huff, fist tapping against the door again. âI know youâre in there, Beomgyu! Stop trying to pretend you arenât there so Iâll leave!â
Thereâs a momentary silence, and then the door clicks open and an unamused Beomgyu stares at you from the other side. Heâs wearing a white stained shirt, hair sticking up in numerous places.Â
Heâs a sight for sore eyes, honestly.
âWhat?â He sighs, staring at you like youâve interrupted his very busy schedule.
You point over at Sunghoon with your thumb, âWeâve got a massive issue.â
Beomgyuâs eyes trail towards where youâre pointing lazily, like youâre somehow inconveniencing him. He looks Sunghoon up and down, lips twisting into a frown. âI donât see the problem.â He mumbles.
You sigh, running a hand over your face and letting it slap back down to your thigh. âIt worked.âÂ
Beomgyu raises a brow. âWhat worked?â
You groan, âThe experiment worked.â You hiss, nodding towards Sunghoon slightly. âAnd now heâs convinced heâs in love with me.â
Beomgyu blinks, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he processes what you said. Heâs been your closest friend for long enough to know that under different circumstances, Sunghoon confessing his love to you wouldâve had you over the moon. He knows you wouldâve had a much different reaction to the one youâre giving now, at least.
He licks his lips, glancing around the hallway like heâs expecting someone to jump out at you, and then ushers the both of you into your apartment. Sunghoon tries to grab your hand when you go inside, but you pull away and shoot him a sharp glare. He just smiles back, like your annoyance is the most amusing thing in the world to him.
Beomgyu gestures to the couch, mumbling out a hasty sit before disappearing into his room. You sigh when you plop down onto it, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursued.Â
You know itâs not Sunghoons fault. This whole thing was a complete accident. ButâŠsome part of you couldnât help but feel like this entire thing was only going to end one wayâwith you getting hurt. Sunghoon doesnât love you like he seems to think. The issue is, you arenât sure just how long youâll be able to resist him before you finally start believing him.
Thatâs why you need to figure out how to reverse this before it gets to that point.
And what about the effects it must be having on Sunghoon? Sure, you were taking emotional hits, but what if you had accidentally seriously messed him up mentally or physically? What if he never recovered and then youâd have to live with the fact that youâd indirectly messed him up for life?
Sunghoon sits down next to you wordlessly, hands shoved in his pockets. His eyes trail over the living room, eyes pausing on a framed picture of you and Beomgyu from highschool. In it, the both of you are laughing at something on the other side of the camera, your hands clenching your stomachs and wide smiles on your faces. You donât remember what exactly had been so funny at the time, but your heart still melts all the same every time you look at it.
Sunghoon hums, nodding towards the picture. âYou look happy.â
Even though you donât mean to, and there's definitely no reason to do so right now, you crack a small smile. âYeah,â You mumble, âThat was a good day.â
The space between you isnât uncomfortable, it never really has been despite everything, but itâs tense. Like thereâs some sort of gravitational force pushing you towards him, and the harder you resist, the more it wants to persist.Â
Sunghoon must feel it to, because his tongue darts out to wet his lips, his adams apple bobbing slightly. For the first time since this entire fiasco started, he looks almost unsure, like thereâs something he wants to do or say, but he canât.
You frown, hand instinctively coming up to rest on his bicep, âSunghoon,â You murmur, eyebrows furrowing in concern. âAre you alrightââ
âOkay, here's the plan,â Beomgyu interrupts, finally emerging from his room. He looks much more put together now and not like heâd just rolled out of bed. He points to himself, âIâm going to figure out how to fixâŠâ He gestures to Sunghoon warily, âThis as soon as possible. You,â He points to you next, âAre going to watch him while I do.â
Immediately, alarms go off in your head. You canât watch over Sunghoon. You just canât.
You sit up straighter, arms crossing in an X over your chest. âI canât,â You blurt, heat rising to your cheeks. You slowly lean back again, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. âI haveâŠplans.â
Itâs a lame excuse, you know. And you know neither of them believe you. (Honestly, does Sunghoon even understand whatâs going on?)
Beomgyu rolls his eyes, âOkay, first off, no you donât. And if this is like, a one in a million time in which you actually do have something going on, cancel it.â He lowers his voice slightly, hand covering his mouth so Sunghoon canât see what heâs saying. âHe canât be alone right now, and Iâm guessing youâre the only person heâll willingly go with. So, either take him or deal with the repercussions.â
You hate that heâs right.Â
Maybe, if you had any energy left in you youâd fight with him on it. Or maybe youâd just deal with the consequences of sending Sunghoon out there on his own. But one glance at the man in question, and you immediately cave.
Heâs gazing at you with hopeful eyes, his head tilted slightly to the side, like heâs hanging onto every word you say. It really shouldnât tug at your heart strings like it does. It shouldnât make you want to say yes until the word doesnât sound like a word anymore.
You sigh, forcing your gaze to the ground. âFine,â You huff, âIâll watch him. Whatever that means.â
Beomgyu grins, glancing between you and Sunghoon cheekily, like he knows something you donât. âGreat,â He rolls his neck, letting it pop once. âNow get out so I can get to work.â
Campus is never busy on Mondays. You think itâs because most people donât like the idea of morning classes on the first day of the week, which you canât really blame them for. But that also means that itâs just you and Sunghoon on the street, and while it feels completely awkward for youâhe looks like he just won a million bucks.
Heâs smiling, as if the harsh winds blowing across your faces is anything to smile about. As if anything about this situation is something to smile about.Â
And you know you shouldnât be upset. Anyone in your situation right now would probably be ecstatic. The man youâve been secretly in love with for the past three years is finally returning your feelings, even if they arenât completely genuine.
But thatâs the issue, isnât it? He doesnât really feel this way towards you, he just thinks he does. And it would be so easy to let yourself indulge in itâto let yourself forget that none of this is actually real.
But you canât. You know you canât.
Sunghoons arm brushes against yours, a complete accident, but you still flinch and pull away like heâs burned you.
He glances at you, eyebrows furrowing. His breaths coming out in uneven puffs of white fog. âEverything okay?â
You clear your throat, trying to act like the shiver that goes down your spine is from the frosted air and not because his smooth voice makes your body flush with heat. âIâm fine,â You murmur, âJustâŠhungry. Tired.â
He hums, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. âYou know,â He drawls, trying to keep up a nonchalant front. âWe could go eat. Together. Just me and you.â
You blink, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. Is he asking you on a date right now? If the past two hours hadn't happened, you probably would've been more surprised.
You sigh, shaking your head slightly, âIâm not going on a date with you Sunghoon.â The words nearly don't make it out of your throat, feeling more artificial and practiced than anything else. If you would've told yourself a week ago you'd be rejecting Sunghoon, you probably would've slapped yourself for even thinking about it.
He shrugs, eyes glinting with mischief. âWho said anything about a date?â He asks, looking at you like you've just uggested the craziest thing he's ever heard. âWe're just two friends eating lunch together, right? Even if I am irrevocably in love with you.â
He throws the word love out like he's saying hello, not like he's pulling at the strings of your heart every time it leaves his lips. It almost sounds fucking natural, like he'd been saying it to you for years, which makes it even worse.
You pause in the street, pointing an accusatory finger at him. âOkay, I get that your brain isnât in the right place right now, but stop saying things like that.â
His head tilts slightly to the side, eyebrows raising in amusement. âWhy?â He asks, tone innocent, but you know better. You know heâs finding this funny. Itâs frustrating and annoying and your heart fucking stutters every time he looks at you like he knows exactly what makes you tick.
You stumble over your words, hands gesturing wildly in front of you. âBecause Itâs annoying! And weird! How would Sophia feel if she knew you were saying all of this?â
The air goes still at the mention of Sophia, like the thought of her is enough to push away the sun. Sunghoons expression hardens, his jaw tightening for a moment before he releases it. Itâs almost like the sound of her name has sucked all of the joy out of him. âWhy would I care what she thinks?â He mutters.
You blank, unsure of how to respond to that. You know the two have always had a more than toxic relationship, but youâve never seen him have so much distaste towards her before. Youâve never seen him have so much distaste towards anyone before.
âI don't know, maybe because sheâs your girlfriend?â You attempt.
His eyes harden as he looks away from you, like he doesn't want to point his annoyance towards you. âSheâs not my girlfriend.â He mumbles.
Your neck cranes up so you can look at him, arms crossing over your chest in a silent defense. âBesides,â He continues, taking a small step closer. âWhy would I care about her when youâre right in front of me?â
You feel that familiar heat rush up your neck, the one you know you have no right to feel. And itâs strange how something good on the surface can cut you so deeply. How something you hoped to hear from him for years can suddenly feel like the biggest insult.
But, you are hungryâyou werenât lying about that, and Beomgyu has already assigned you to practically be his babysitter anyway, so might as well get something out of it, right?
You let out a breath, kissing your teeth as you do. This is a very bad idea, and you know it. âWe can go to lunch as friends, but thatâs it, okay? And no more flirting.â
His lips curl into a grin, eyes flashing like heâs just won a prize. âPerfect, because I already made a reservation for us off campus.â
Of course he did.Â
You open your mouth to argue, or really say anything, but his hand makes its way onto your lower back so he can lead you away and you suddenly forget how to speak. Because, yes, youâre still a strong woman who would rather die than ever be rendered speechless by a manâbut Park Sunghoon is an exception. One that you know you shouldnât indulge, but doesnât it feel oh, so good when you do?
Thatâs how you find yourself thirty minutes later in the nicest restaurant in a fifteen mile radius, wearing jeans and an old ratty t-shirt. You cross your legs, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in your stomach at being so underdressed.
Sunghoon doesnât look the least bothered by it though, reading over the menu with sharp eyes and a slight furrow to his brows. He asks you your opinion occasionally, mumbles about calories and his protein intake. All things youâd never really felt the need to look at yourself before. Maybe hockey people have to worry about that stuff? Youâd always assumed it was just wrestlers and weightlifters.
âDo you like Alfredo sauce or marinara? I like both, but I want you to be able to pick off my plate.â He mutters, saying it so casually. Like ordering his own food based on what you like is just common sense. If any of this was real, he would make the perfect boyfriend.
It makes you wonder again how Sophia could just let him go so easily.
Your eyes flicker up from your own menu, heart stuttering in your chest. âJust get whatever you want,â You sigh, âYou donât need to ask me.â
Heâs silent for a moment, the gears in his head turning. He slowly sets his menu down, and then plucks your own from your fingers.
Your eyebrows furrow as you go to reach for it, âSunghoonââ
âWhy are you so set on rejecting me?â He asks, keeping his eyes on yours. The eye-contact nearly makes your throat close up from how intense it is. âI know you think none of this is real or whateverââ
"Because it isnât.â You interrupt. You wish you understood how this experiment worked, because then maybe you'd know how to get it through his thick skull that none of this was real. You run a hand through your hair before continuing, âYou drank an experiment, Sunghoon. Everything youâre feelingâeverything you think youâre feelingâit isnât real.â Your voice cracks slightly, like itâs a manifestation of your own hurt.Â
Sunghoon, for the first time since this entire thing started, goes silent. His jaw ticks, breathing going slightly uneven. The air crackles between you, tension that neither of you really want to admit is there.
And then, without even so much as a stutter, he says, âIâll prove it then.â
You falter, lips parting as a laugh bubbles out of your throat. You donât mean to laugh, really, you donât, but Sunghoon's insistence is almost admirable. And, unfortunately for you, his stubbornness only makes you fall for him the tiniest bit more.
âWhy are you so set on this?â You ask, mimicking his question from earlier.Â
He shrugs, leaning forward and placing his chin in his hand. âDoes it matter?â
Yes, it does matter. But you know thereâs no way youâre going to get an actual answer from him, so you wonât push anymore. So, instead you just shrug, fingers tapping against the table. âI guess not.â
Sunghoon grins, his tongue poking against his cheek slightly. âAtta girl.â
You should drag him out of the restaurant and back to Beomgyuâs apartment after that. Should refuse to even speak to him until Beomgyu figures out how to reverse this whole thing. Should protect your heart from the hurt that you know is coming.
But you donât do any of that. Instead, you laugh along to his jokes. You donât protest when he pays for your food. You let him walk you home like heâs your boyfriend and try to ignore the deep ache beginning to bloom in your chest every time he looks at you like he loves you.
And when you lay in bed that night, sheets tucked to your chin and green glowing stars shining on your ceiling, you let yourself believe that all of it was real. That all of it meant something.
Even if that was only true for one of you.
You arenât sure what youâre expecting the next morning, but it certainly isnât sunghoon at your door with a jersey in one hand and hockey stick in the other.
You blink at him, still in your pajamas with leftover mascara flakes covering your cheeks. Youâre sure you look the picture of attractiveness right now. You sigh, rubbing your eyes with your knuckles. âWhat are you doing here?â
Sunghoon holds the jersey out to you, and itâs then that you realize itâs his. Or, at least, one with his number and name on it. âThis is for tonight.â He says casually, like youâre supposed to know what that means.
Your eyebrows furrow as you cautiously take it from him, inspecting it like it was a bomb and not a piece of fabric. âUh,â You chuckle humorlessly, âWhatâs tonight?â
The jersey is your size, but the only other people you can think of who wear these are family members, die-hard fans, andâŠgirlfriends.Â
But thereâs no way thatâs why heâs giving this to you. Besides, youâd seen Sophia wear the same exact thing enough times to know what wearing it would mean--to know what it would make you, as well as everyone else on the campus, aware of.Â
That you were Sunghoons.
That is not happening.
He leans against your doorframe, arms crossed against his chest. His hockey stick pokes out from under his armpit awkwardly, and the sight nearly makes you crack a smile.
âFor the game,â He says, âYouâre coming.â
You immediately shake your head and attempt to shove the jersey back into his arms. âYeah, no, Iâm not going to that. Thanks for the offer though.â
You turn on your heel after forcing him to take back the shirt, and while you know you should tell him to leave, you let him follow you into your apartment.
He trails behind you like a lost puppy, a slight pout twisted onto his features. âYou have to go,â He insists, âYouâre my girlfriendââ
You whip around and glare at him, âI am not your girlfriend.â
His lips curl up into a shy smile, a hand coming up to brace the back of his neck. âThatâs a technicality.â
You give him a look before finally turning back around and continuing your walk to your bathroom. He tries to follow you in, but you quickly shut the door in his face. You half expect that to finally be the hint he needs, but of course it isn't. Instead, he just keeps talking to you through the door. âOkay, fine, youâre not my girlfriend.â He sighs, voice slightly muffled. You just roll your eyes and throw your hair up, grabbing your toothbrush from its place in the barbie cup on your sink.
âBut you said I could prove to you how serious I was,â He continues. You can hear his body slide down to the floor, and you assume heâs sitting with his back against the door. Heâs silent for a moment, before mumbling out so quietly you nearly donât hear him, âLet me do what I said I would. Please.â
You are a weak, weak woman. Youâve always known this. When it comes to school and things of that nature youâd always known you excelled. But, people? That was something that was way out of your league.
Your mom used to call you a people-pleaser. Said itâd end up in you getting hurt if you didnât learn how to step away from things before they got out of hand. And you thought you had.
But maybe you hadnât.
You sigh, finishing up brushing your teeth and washing your face. By the time you're finished the ends of your hair and the sleeves of your shirt are soaked, but you donât care. He wouldnât care what you looked like right now anyway. His brain is all jumbled up and you doubt you looking like a hot mess is the thing that'll fix it.
You open the door cautiously, and just as youâd expected heâs sat on the other side with his knees tucked into his chest. He looks so small here, so boyish. Not like the Park Sunghoon youâd seen from the spotlight, not like the school's star player and pride and joy. From here, he looks like a boy trying to find himself in a world too big for him.
You tug your bottom lip into your teeth, eyes choosing to look everywhere but at him. âIâll go,â You finally mumble, voice smaller than you wanted it to be. âBut Iâm not wearing the jersey.â
He smiles, shoulders sagging in relief. He tilts his head up so he can see you. âJersey?â He smirks, crumbling up the fabric and shoving it behind his back. âWhat jersey?â
You grin despite yourself and nudge your foot into his lower back. âWhatever. Go home so I can get ready.â
He stands, knees popping as he does. He grabs his hockey stick from where it leans against your wall, fingers wrapping around it and giving it a firm squeeze. âSix pm, alright? Iâll get you and your friends a spot up front.â
You shake your head, âYou donât have to do thatââ
He grins, and before you can even think about swerving him, leans in and places a gentle kiss at the crown of your head. You freeze, body flushing and eyes going wide.
His lips are softer than you thought theyâd be, coated with a scentless chapstick that youâd seen him carry around with him for years. He pauses for a moment, his spare hand lingering at your waist. He never touches you directly, doesnât even attempt to. But you can still feel the slight heat emitting from his hand, and it almost feels more intimate than if he'd just taken that final leap.
He swallows, taking a step away from you. Thereâs a slight pink blush dusting his cheeks, like heâs shocked by his own actions, but heâs quick to clear his throat and pretend like there was nothing out of the ordinary about what heâd just done. Like the entire thing was a regular occasion for the both of you.
âIâll see you there, okay?â He mutters, raising a brow. Like he needs more reassurance that youâll stick to your word and show up.
Your tongue darts out to wet your lips for a moment, eyes searching for any indication that maybe he understands what he did. That maybe the experiment's effects are starting to wear off. But when you look at him, you see the same exact thing youâve been seeing since yesterday morning.
Pure, unbridled, love.
You suck in a breath, nodding your head slightly. âYeah,â You manage, though your voice comes out low and breathless. âIâll be there.â
He smiles, mumbles out a soft goodbye, and then leaves you in the middle of your hallway, body flushed and mind jumbled.
Yunjin, to your dismay, comes over as soon as you ask her too.
She looks ecstatic. Youâd called her last night and explained the entire situation, but she, of course, couldnât see how it was a very bad thing.
âWhy are you so upset?â Sheâd asked over the phone. You didnât have to see her face to know she was practically beaming. âThe guy youâve been secreltey obsessing over like some kind of stalker is in love with you! That sounds like a complete win to me!â
Youâd winced, bottom lip tugged between your teeth. âYeah, It sounds great! But he doesnâtâŠâ You swallowed uncomfortably, âHe doesnât actually feel that way for me. He just thinks he does.â
You heard her take a drink of something before she sighed out, âHow do you know that?â
You went silent, unsure of how to answer. What did she mean how did you know? It was obvious. Sunghoon accidentally drinks a love potion and now thinks heâs in love with you. Thatâs what had happened.
You tucked your legs under you and adjusted your phone against your ear. âI think thatâs obvious, Yunjin.â You murmured.
She hummed, âI donât know, [Y/N].â She said, tone strangely teasing. âMaybe heâll surprise you.â
So, when youâd called her and asked her to help you get ready for tonightâs match, she was ecstatic. And you appreciated her support, of course, but you werenât sure she really understood what was happening here.
You and Sunghoon are nothing. When all of this was over, youâd go back to being two strangers who sometimes smiled awkwardly at each other out of obligation. And you needed to be able to be okay with that. You had to be.
âOkay, I think you should wear something super sexy so that Sunghoonâs knocked on his ass.â Yunjin quips, scouring through your closet and inspecting everything you own like it owes her something.
You sigh from where you lay on your bed, staring up at the stars on your ceiling like maybe theyâll save you. âWeâre going to his game, Yun. I donât want him to fall on his ass.â You chuckle, throwing up air quotes around the end of your sentence.
Yunjin rolls her eyes and throws another pair of jeans onto your desk chair. âI donât mean literally. I just mean maybe it wouldnât hurt to wear something different."
You sit up, bracing yourself against your elbows. âWhat's wrong with my usual clothes?â You ask, eyebrows raising teasingly.
Yunjin pauses, cautiously turning around so youâre face to face. âThereâs nothing wrong with it," She attempts, lips twisting thoughtfully as she tries to come up with the softest way to say it. âBut I donât think a pair of sweatpants and some random shirt you got in middle school is quite the look weâre going for.â
You scoff, flopping back down onto your bed and pushing the palm of your hands into your eyes until white dots fill your vision. You donât think thereâs anything wrong with what you usually wear, even if it isnât the nicest clothes ever.
But you canât lie and say there isnât a part of you that wonders how Sunghoon would react. Would he even care? If he did, would it even be real?
âI think that youâre blowing this way out of proportion.â You mutter, letting your arms wrap around yourself.
Yunjin snorts and tosses a shirt at you. You cautiously inspect the fabricâa blue long sleeved top with a deep neckline that youâd bought to make your ex-boyfriend jealous and then never wore. You scrunch your nose slightly at it and then toss it back at her.Â
âThereâs no way Iâm wearing that.â You snort.
Yunjin nods, grabbing a pair of dark jeans from your closet. âThatâs what you think.â
The hockey arena, to no one's surprise, is full to the brim with die hard fans and half-way drunk college students. You, personally, have never been to a game before. Mostly because you know what they consist of, and youâd rather skip watching men fight over a puck on ice when you could be doing much more important things. Like rewatching New Girl.
But, alas, you, Yunjin, and Jungwon all find your seats right at the barricade. Beomgyu had chosen to skip so that he could keep working on some kind of fix for your current situation, but you had half the mind to believe it was because he simply didnât want to come.
Jungwon takes a sip of his fountain drink, letting the red straw rest on his lip. âSo, youâre telling me that Sunghoon drank the experiment, thinks heâs in love with you, and invited you here because he wants to prove to you that itâs real?â
You nod, shrugging your jacket off and laying it across the back of your seat. The players are warming up in front of you, their skates scratching against the ice as they yell instructions at each other. You can see Sunghoon talking to another boy with a serious expression, his hands moving admittedly as he does. You can tell heâs being stern with him, but the boy doesnât look upset or scared in the least. If anything, heâs taking his lecture with prideâlike getting told off by Park Sunghoon is a privilege.
And you think that goes into show just the kind of person that he is. He's kind, and funny, and defientley doesn't deserve what you're putting him through.
"Um," You sniff, adjusting yourself in your seat. âThatâs pretty much it, yeah.â
Jungwon hums, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. âIs it weird that that isnât the strangest thing thatâs happened to us?â He asks.
You furrow your brows, âWhat could possibly be weirder then that?â
âRemember freshman year?â Yunjin chimes in, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. âThere was that full two weeks where Beomgyu was stained pink.â
âOh,â You draw out, chuckling at the memory. âI do remember that.â
You giggle at the memory. Beomgyu had had a rouge experiment blow up in his face--literally--and spent two weeks looking like he'd just stepped out of the Barbie movie.
Jungwon shrugs, âI would argue that seeing Beomgyu walk around campus like a real-life monster high doll was definitely weirder than this.â
You donât respond, instead turning your attention back towards Sunghoon. He still hasnât noticed youâwhich youâre mostly grateful for, but it also makes you anxious for when he does.
While youâve never been to one of the matches in person, you have seen them online. You know that they can get heated and violent. Youâve seen Sunghoon walk into class with the occasional black eye or scabbed over knuckles.
It makes worry build in your stomach, thick and strong and nearly overwhelming. And you know you shouldnât care. Sunghoon isnât your boyfriend, even if he seems to think he is. But, still, the thought of him getting hurt makes you want to throw up.
You lean back in your chair, leg bouncing anxiously, and then you see it. Itâs a subtle movement from the corner of your eye, but you catch it nonetheless.
Two seats down from you, Sophia sits down with her friends, all of them looking like they just stepped out of fucking vogue. And Sophia, with her perfectly blown-out hair and sickly sweet smile, is wearing Sunghoons jersey.
Your heart drops, stomach becoming an endless pit as you stare at her. Youâd assumed they broke up, but what if they hadnât? That was the only explanation you could think of for why she was here wearing that. What if you had accidentally ruined her relationship with Sunghoon?
Not to say that their relationship wasnât already on the brink of disaster, but still.
You nudge Jungwon with your elbow, forcing your gaze onto the rink. The other team has come onto the ice now, and you can see Sunghoon's jaw tick. But he isnât watching the other team, no, heâs searching the stands.
Searching them for you.
You suddenly feel a wave of guilt at what youâve done, even if it was an accident. Youâve inadvertently forced yourself into the middle of a relationship that was never any of your business. Does this make you a homewrecker?
âJungwon,â You mumble, âTell Yunjin weâre leaving.â
âWhat?â He asks, eyebrows knitting together. âThe game hasnât even started.â
You sink into your seat as you watch Sunghoons gaze get closer and closer to you. âSophiaâs here.â You say through your teeth, âAnd sheâs wearing his jersey.â
Jungwons gaze shifts past you, lips parting when he spots her. âOh.â
âYeah,â You murmur, âOh.â
Jungwon turns and tells Yunjin, and you watch as her head pops out from behind him, her lips pulled into a frown. âOh, this is so fucked.â
You cover your face with your hands and groan, âIâm a homewrecker!â
âOkay, no,â Yunjin scoffs, still eyeing Sophia like maybe if she stares at her long enough sheâll disappear, âThis is all just a really small misunderstanding.â
You groan again, dropping your hands to your lap and looking back onto the rink. Sunghoon finally spots you then, a smile curling onto his lips as he skates over. Your stomach churns, letting yourself steal a glance to Sophia, who is also smiling at Sunghoon.Â
You sink further into your seat.
âY/N!â He calls once he approaches, placing a hand in the glass separating you. You can practically feel Sophiaâs gaze burning into your skull, and for once, you canât even be mad that youâre on the other side of her icy glare.
âUm,â You manage, clearing your throat and cocking your head as subtly as possible towards Sophia. âSunghoon, you should probably go say hi to your girlfriend before you say hi to me.â
You can feel Jungwon and Yunjin holding their breaths, like theyâre scared any sudden movement will set off some kind of bomb. But Sunghoon either doesn't notice the tension, or heâs actively choosing to ignore it.
He cocks his head to the side, smile faltering a bit. âWhat are you talking aboutââ
âHoonie!â
Thereâs something very distinct about Sophiaâs voiceâjust the right amount of feminine to be cutsey, but still bordering on the edge of nails on a chalkboard. Normally, the sound of it would make you roll your eyes and resist the urge to pull your hair out, but now it just makes you feel sick with guilt.
Sunghoons expression immediately shifts, his smile curling downwards, eyes narrowing slightly. When he spots Sophia, he almost looks bored. Like the sight of her is nothing special.
She climbs over the people next to you, a mom and her toddler, both of whom she doesnât apologize to when she steps on the tips of their shoes.
âHoon,â She sighs, adjusting her skirt. âI missed you.â
She doesnât even spare you a glance, which youâre partially thankful for. But, you also canât help but wonder if itâs because she doesnât even see you as a threat.
Which, youâre notâbut still. Itâd at least be nice to be considered one.
Sunghoons jaw ripples, gaze icy and nearly angry. âWhatâre you doing here Sophia?â He asks. His gaze falls downwards, onto the blue jersey she wears proudly across her chest, and scoffs. âAnd why are you wearing that?â
Sophia doesnât even flinch at his tone, if anything she seems to revel in it. âWhy wouldnât I be here, silly?â She giggles, âIâm supporting my boyfriend!â
Jungwon glances over at you, but your eyes stay on the floor. What are you supposed to say? Actually, youâre boyfriend thinks heâs in love with me, so sorry! Youâd just sound crazy.
Sunghoon leans closer, voice lowering an octave. âAre you forgetting that I caught you fucking my roomate last weekend?â He spits, gripping his hockey stick so hard youâre convinced itâll break. âOr am I supposed to just get over that like everything else?â
You canât help the gasp that leaves you. A small sound, but itâs enough to catch her attention. She whips her head around, dark eyes catch yours, nose scrunched like sheâs staring at the trash on the side of the sidewalk and not a person.
You half expect her to apologize for having such a private conversation in front of you, but she doesnât do that. Why would she? Instead, she barks, âCanât you see weâre having a conversation? Go somewhere else.â
You blink, lips parting as you try to come up with something to say. But, Sunghoon beats you to it.
âDonât talk to her like that.â He defends, eyes blazing something nearly protective. It makes your heart flutter and heat fill your stomach for all the wrong reasons.
Sophia takes a moment to process, but when she does, you wouldâve thought Sunghoon had just told her heâd made out with her mom.
âWhy are you defending her?â She asks, letting out a humorless laugh. She really takes you in then, eyeing you up and down. You sink into yourself instinctually, arms wrapping around your stomach like a shield. âDonât tell me this is my replacement?â She chuckles, like the thought of you even being near Sunghoon is amusing.
You shake your head, hands shooting out in front of you. Even though she doesn't deserve it, you don't want to be the other woman. âNo, no, thatâs notââ
But Sunghoon doesn't let you finish. âShe canât be a replacement when thereâs nothing to replace.â He mutters, tongue leaking venom.
Sophia, for what youâre sure is the first time in her life, is rendered speechless. Her glossy lips part, eyes widening a fraction. âSunghoonââ
He turns to you then, completely ignoring her like her prescense isnât even a blip on his radar. His eyes soften, cheeks flushing the lightest shade of pink. âMeet me after the game, okay?â He mumbles.
A buzzer sounds, and both teams on the ice skate over to their respective coaches to get ready for the game. Your lips part as you wrack your brain for a response, but itâs hard when Sophia is sneering at you like youâd just said the dumbest thing sheâd ever heard.
Sunghoon sighs, throwing you a final glance before pushing off the glass and beginning to skate towards the rest of his teammates.
His jaw ticks once, throwing Sophia an icy look over his shoulder. âGo home, Sophia.â He mumbles.
Sophia doesnât say anything else, just shoots you a glare and then stomps back to her waiting friends. They all look sympathetic when she tells them what happened, shooting you not-so-subtle death glares. As if you did something. Well, you didâyou unintentionally home wrecked her relationship, but still, it was all accidental!
Yunjin lets out a low whistle, crossing her leg over her knee and clasping her hands around it. âCan we make more of those love potion things?â She asks with a chuckle. âThis is reality tv kind of entertainment.â
Jungwon nods, âRivals love island, honestly.â
You pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes shut, âThis isnât a reality tv show.â You mumble.
Yunjin shrugs, popping a piece of candy into her mouth. âWe know, but it might as well be. Or maybe the plot of some super bad fanfiction.â
And, well, you canât really argue with that.
But youâd never been good at confrontation, and Sophia keeps looking at you like youâd owe her something. Her lips pulled tightly together, friend whispering in her ear like she knows your deepest darkest secrets.
And somewhere in the back of your mind, thereâs a subtle prick of insecurity. One that forces you deeper into your seat and into your own head.
The game goes by in a blur, one that you barely pay attention to. Itâs not that you donât want to, but itâs a little difficult when Sophia keeps glancing over at you and laughing with her friends.
You arenât stupid. Youâve been laughed at before--been the victim of bullies who thought they had the upper hand for whatever reason. But that had been in high school, never in college. And even though you try to push it awayâtry to block it outâthose awful thoughts still crawl their way from the depths of your mind. Thoughts that you hadnât had since youâd sat alone in a chemistry classroom in tenth grade, back before youâd met Beomgyu.
So, when the game is over (Sunghoon led the team to victory of course, because why wouldnât he?), you donât hesitate shrugging your jacket back on and climbing your way over people to get to the exit.
Yunjin and Jungwon stumble behind you, calling your name in an attempt to get you to slow down, but you donât. Canât, really.
You didnât sign up for any of this. Didnât sign up to be the target of Sophiaâs stares, didnât sign up to be the girl Sunghoons convinced heâs in love with.
You just wanted to go back to your life before. When you were still just in the background with your select circle. You wanted to go back to watching Sunghoon from afarâto being the girl heâd never look twice at.
Because this? This was too much for you.
And you know none of it is his fault, but that almost just makes it worse. He has no idea how much all of this is really hurting you. How much it breaks your heart every time he looks at you like you mean something to him.
The wind hits your face when you step outside, neon lights of the stadium lighting up the parking lot around you. You finally let out a breath, eyes glassy and lips chapped. Maybe youâre being dramatic, but you really donât care.
â[Y/N]!â Yunjin calls, jogging slightly to catch up with you. Her jackets hanging off her arms awkwardly, purse dangling from her elbow. âWhere are you going?â She presses, grabbing your bicep gently and forcing you to a stop. âWhatâs going on?â
You force your gaze to the ground, shoving your hands in your pockets. âIâm going home,â You tell her, voice raw. âThis was a mistake. I shouldnât have come. If I had known he was still with Sophiaââ
âWoah, hold on,â Yunjin interrupts you. Jungwon approaches then, his blonde hair blowing over his forehead awkwardly. âDid you not hear Sunghoon? Theyâre broken up.âÂ
You scoff, rolling your eyes. âTheyâre always broken up.â
Yunjins lips pull in tight, annoyance flashing in her eyes. âIs this because she was here?â She asks you, tone serious and deadly. "You know you don't need to care about whatever it is her and her friends think."
Itâs rare for her to speak to you so seriously, always the one looking towards humor to lighten up situations. So when she does, you tend to listen.
âSophia is a bitch, plain and simple. Sunghoon is not. And heâs actively trying to prove to you that he wants you, and youâre not letting him.â She insists.
You pull your arm from her grip at that, eyebrows knitting together. Does she seriously think anything Sunghoon is doing he actually means? If that were the case, you wouldn't even be in this situation.
âYunjin, he doesnât know what heâs doing!â You spit, tone harsher then you mean it. You donât mean to aim your anger towards her, but she just keeps pushing and pushing until you finally explode. âDonât you get it? He doesnât feel like that towards me.â Your voice breaks, eyes brimming with tears. âHe doesnât feel anything towards me.â
Jungwon swallows, his eyes downcast. He was usually good in situations like this, usually the one to take the lead and get you laughing again, but now he canât even meet your eyes.
Yunjin reaches for you again, sympathy written all over her face, but you pull away. You donât want her comfort right now, even though you know it comes from a place of love.
You suck in a shaky breath, forcing your gaze onto the sidewalk in front of you. The pavement is wet from rain earlier in the day, collecting in small puddles below your feet. âIâm just going to go home, okay? Tell Sunghoon Iâm sorry.â
â[Y/N]âŠâ Yunjin mumbles, but youâre already walking away, arms wrapped around yourself and bottom lip trembling.
Is it pathetic to be crying over a stupid boy and a mean girl? Maybe. But you also know that having feelings is human, and sometimes, when the time is right, itâs okay to cry.
And you think right now is one of those times.
You donât cry hard. Not full, chest-heaving sobs, just occasional hiccupsâa steady stream of tears flowing down your cheeks that you stain your sleeves with every time you wipe at them.
Your apartment is cold when you enter, the air brushing harshly against your face. You shrug your jacket off and toss it onto the couch, padding over to your room with exhaustion sinking into your bones.
You peel off your clothesâthe top Yunjin had insisted you wear for Sunghoon suddenly feeling suffocating and tight. It isnât often you let yourself wallow in self-pity like this, but tonight was going to have to be an exception.
You change into a stained t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants with a rip in the knees and collapse onto your couch. You wonder if Sunghoon said anything when he noticed you werenât there. Was he disappointed? Or had he finally realized it wasnât you he should be chasing after?
Your heart hurts at the thought, aching and heavy in your chest.
It isn't fair to him that you feel like this. It isn't fair to you that he's unknowingly playing with your heart. The entire thing is a bad dream you wish you could just wake up from.
You barely register the knock at your door at first, too stuck in your head while trying to pretend youâre paying attention to whatever sitcomâs playing on the TV.
But then it comes again, not harsh, just louder. More insistent. Like whoeverâs on the other side is desperate to see you.
You roll your eyes, wrapping your blanket around your shoulders and forcing yourself to pad over. âYunjin,â You sigh, clicking the lock and swinging the door open. âI donât want to talk to you.â
But it isnât Yunjin standing on the other side. Itâs Sunghoon.
His black hair is a mess, bangs covering his eyes in a way you know canât be comfortable, a pair of black-rimmed glasses resting against his nose. Heâs not wearing his jersey anymore, but the black compression shirt he wears under it is still there, a pair of gray sweatpants laying dangerously low on his hips.
He looks dangerously handsome without even trying.
Your breath catches before you can stop it, gaze falling down his body like youâre commiting it to memory. Youâre both silent, just staring at eachother, waiting for the other to cut through the tension first.
It shouldnât hurt seeing him right now as much as it does. You donât have any claim on him. He loves Sophia, youâve known that from the start.
So why does it feel like tonight was just one big slap in the face? Like the universe was reminding you of exactly what your place with him really is?
Sunghoon swallows, eyes shaky as they try to search your own. You donât let him though. You know if you look him in the eye right now, youâll break, and thatâs the last thing you want him to see.
âYou left,â He whispers, tone low. You can hear the hurt seeping through his voice, but itâs masked by a weird kind of warmth. Like even though you hurt him, he canât physically be mad at you.
You think thatâs probably a side effect.
You shift your weight uncomfortably, twiddling your thumbs in front of you. You canât look at himâtoo scared of what youâll find if you do.
âSunghoon,â You start, voice trembling. âYou donât want me.â You don't say it like a question, instead it's a statement.
His fingers tighten into fists at his sides, knuckles going pale. âWhy do you keep assuming you know what I want?â He asks.
You shake your head, âYouâre just confusedââ
âStop,â He interrupts, taking a small step towards you. âStop saying that when I know I've never been more clear headed in my life.â
You stiffen, unsure of how to respond. You know for a fact he has no idea what heâs doing or talking about. And thatâs what makes it hurt the most. He genuinely believes he loves you, and fuck, youâd give anything for it to be real.
His hand reaches out, but he hesitates and drops it back to his side. "Let me prove it to you, okay? Just like I said I would. No games. No Sophia. Just me and you.â
You force your gaze up then, eyes narrowed. You shouldnât say yes, not when your heart is already on the brink of collapse. But Sunghoons staring at you like heâll break into pieces if you say noâlike the thought of you rejecting him is too much to handle.
You lean against the doorframe, lips twisting slightly. âI don't know,â You attempt, âitâs already so late and I look a messââ
âPlease,â he breathes out, voice wrecked. âStop thinking so hard and let me show you how much you mean to me.â
Your knuckles tighten until your fingernails dig into your palms, forming little crescent-shaped marks into the soft skin. Everything inside of you is telling you to say no. To tell him to go home and lock himself in his room until Beomgyu figures out how to fix this.
But thereâs still that small part of youâthe part that wonders if maybe he really did mean every sweet word that fell from his perfect lips. If maybe, just maybe, all of this was real.
And that part of you wins.
Sunghoon doesnât let you changeâjust ushers you into your jacket and leads you with a hand on your lower back out of your apartment and back towards the rink.
You donât notice thatâs where youâre heading at first, not until the lights outside the parking lot come into view. Your stomach twists at the memory of your last conversation with Yunjin and Jungwon, but you push it away. Youâd fix things tomorrow.
âWhy are we here?â You ask, glancing up at the raven-haired boy. His palm hasnât left your back since you started walking, almost like he was staking his claim there. Imprinting the shape of him into your skin like itâs second nature.
He shrugs, mischief flashing in his smile. âYouâll see.â
Youâve never seen the stadium empty before, but now that you are, it makes you realize just how daunting it really is. The lights pointed at the rink are still on, reflecting off of the ice and glinting across its surface. You can see the slight scuff marks and dents from numerous skates, small puddles forming in their wake.
Sunghoon jogs in front of you, pulling out a set of keys and opening the gate that the hockey players use to get onto the rink. He holds an arm out to you, gesturing for you to come over to him.
You do so cautiously, arms wrapped around yourself. The ice from the rink makes the air frigid, crawling up your spine like a garden snake. Menacing, but not dangerous.
âI donât have any skates.â You mumble.
Sunghoon smiles, reaching out and wiggling your hand out from where it rests under your arm, âThatâs okay,â He says softly, intertwining your fingers. His hands are large, this is something youâve always known. Itâs hard not to notice when he makes his pencil look like a fucking mini-brand every time he writes down his notesâbut now you realize just how much they dwarf your own. âWe don't need them.â
He pulls you onto the rink then, and feet immediately slip on the slick ice. You yelp when you feel your foot begin to slide from beneath you, back arching and spare arm flinging to your side, but Sunghoon grips your hand and pulls you to his chest like heâd been expecting it.
You huff when your face meets his chest, heat crawling viciously up your neck from embarrassment. Sunghoons chest vibrates with laughter against your cheek, his other hand coming up to cup the back of your head and pull you closer to him.
âFinally falling for me?â He teases.
If only he knew.
You scoff and cautiously step away from him, tightening the muscles in your legs so you donât slip again. âYou wish.â You say, meaning for it to come out harsh, but instead it sounds soft. Playful. Everything it shouldnât be.
He rolls his eyes and drags you to the middle of the ice, careful not to tug too hard or walk too fast, instead matching his pace with yours.
You look around at the thousands of seats surrounding you, the blinding lights on the ice. There isnât even anyone here, and you still feel slightly intimidated. It makes you wonder how heâs able to deal with all of it so efficiently.
He stops suddenly, forcing you to as well. For a split second, you think he almost looks nervous.Â
He sucks in a breath, brown eyes finding your own. You just raise your brows, staring at him expectantly. You assume he mustâve brought you here for somethingâitâs just whatever that is that puts you slightly on edge.
âDo you remember that glass duck you carried around at the beginning of the year? The one with the weird monocle and pink jacket?â He asks, releasing your hand and shoving it into his coat pocket. You can see something round in there, you just have no idea what it is.
You frown. You do remember that duck. Youâd found it on your trip with Yunjin to Europe over the summer in some rundown antique shop. It was stupidly overpriced and honestly kind of ugly, but youâd fallen in love with it for whatever reason. Maybe because it was a little different then the other ducks, with a weirdly shaped beak and slightly bigger beady eyes. But it was perfect to you.
At least, it was until Jungwon accidently broke it on Halloween weekend. Heâd drunkenly slammed into you and knocked it loose from its place on your bag, and it ultimately shattered as soon as it hit the floor. You remember youâd been devastated and refused to talk to Jungwon for a week after, but that was it. You hadn't really thought twice about it for a while now.
But, how did Sunghoon know about it? Why was he asking you? Youâd never talked about it with himâhell, you barely said two words to him back then.
Your chin lowers slightly in suspicion, âI do, yes. Why?â
He swallows, and you can see his free hand twitch. âWell, I saw it break at that party on Halloween. And you looked so sad. AndâŠI really hated it. So,â He takes a breath, finally revealing whatever it was he had in his pocket. âI fixed it.â
You blink. Once. Twice. Heâs holding out the duck to you, cracks from where it'd shattered all over its little glass body but ultimately put back together.
It takes you a second to fully process whatâs going on, but once you do your lips part in a gasp and you take it from him. You hold it up to your face, cradling it in your hands. âHow did youâwhat? Why? I-I donât understandââ Youâre talking so fast you barely even understand yourself, but Sunghoon just laughs, and you notice the way his shoulders slowly relax in relief.
He shrugs, like this is any other day and he didnât just reveal to you heâd fixed your most prized possession. âI didn't want you to lose it,â He admits, taking a careful step towards you. âYou donât deserve to lose things you love.â
You glance up at him then, and you realize just how close he really is. The last time youâd been in this position heâd placed a soft kiss on your hairline, and although your heart feels like itâs skipping a beat, itâs not out of fear this time.
Itâs something more dangerous, something you shouldnât be allowing yourself to feel. Not with his condition. You glance back down to the glass duck, hesitation gnawing at your stomach.Â
Ultimately, you know that what you feel for Sunghoon is not returned. But this... this changes things. Heâd taken the time all those months ago, before the experiment was even thought of, and fixed something youâd deemed unfixable simply because he didnât want you to be sad. Usually, youâd think that meant something.
But isnât that also just the kind of boy he is? Kind, golden-hearted Park Sunghoon. Campus golden boy. Star hockey player. Everything you could never have.
âSunghoon,â You breathe out shakily, still holding the duck in your palm. âThank you.â
Although you're feeling conflicted about where he really stands with you, you know you're overall grateful. You've never had someone do something so kind for you simply because they can.
He doesnât respond, just gives you a shy smile. Itâs the first time youâve seen him look so bashful. Itâs cute. âIt wasnât any problem.â
You hum, tapping your nails against the duck's glass tail. âCan I ask why you needed to bring me here to give me this?â You question, a teasing lilt to your voice.
He shrugs, âItâs more romantic here then in the middle of your living room.â
You laugh aloud at that. For once, the mention of romance with him doesnât make you want to throw up and die all at the same time. Instead, it leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy and all the things you know are going to hurt you in the end.
Because while this entire illusion is going to be over at some point, right now, in this moment, Sunghoon is in love with you. And youâre starting to wonder just how wrong itâd be to let him.
Your heart is heavy in the morning as you fidget with the duck. Itâs hanging off your purse again, safely locked into place with a keychain. Youâd asked Jungwon and Yunjin to meet you for coffee so you could talk, and both had agreed easily.
You guys never really did well with bad blood. Any arguments you had were always resolved fairly quickly, because otherwise it would simmer until you thought too hard about it and ended up doing something you regretted.
And you know you owe them an apologyâYunjin, especially. Sheâd only been trying to help, and youâd spat venom at her like sheâd done something wrong. You didnât want to be like that, and it was important to you that she knew how sorry you were. That they both knew.
They arrive together, steps slow as they approach the table youâd saved. You shoot them a sad smile, unsure of just how angry they were.
They sit next to each other across from you, sharing a glance that makes your stomach churn. You suck in a breath, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. âIâm sorry,â You start, choosing to skip the awkward pleasantries and getting straight to the point. âYou guys didnât deserve that. At all. And Iââ
âStop,â Yunjin sighs, not letting you finish. Your heart drops, immediately assuming she's about to end your friendship. But she doesn't--instead, she points between herself and Jungwon and says with a quiet finality, âWe should be the ones apologizing.â
You raise a brow at that, spine straightening in your seat. âWhat? Noââ
âYes,â Jungwon interrupts now, his eyes full of concern. âYou were rightfully upset with everything going on, and we pushed it aside simply because we didnât understand how you were feeling.â He sniffs, head tilting to the side slightly. âI didnât realize how hard this must all be for you. Having the guy you like constantly telling you heâs in love with you, and then not even know if he means it? Itâs unfair to you.â
Youâre silent, a wave of relief and guilt crashing over you at once. Youâre relieved that your emotions are being validated, but you also feel guilty that they think they need to apologize to you when you yourself are struggling with what you should feel. Before last night, you would've agreed with them wholeheartedly, but now you werenât sure. You glance down at the figurine hanging from your bag once, heart filling with so much warmth you think it may burst.Â
âYouâre right,â You murmur, leaning back in your chair. âIt is unfair, but Iâm starting to wonder if maybeâŠmaybe I was wrong.â
Yunjinâs eyes widen, confusion written all over her face. âWhat?â
You smile softly, reaching for your purse and spinning it around so they can see the once-broken glass duck. They both study it for a moment, and you watch as recognition flashes in their eyes.
Jungwon frowns and looks back at you. âI thought I broke that ugly thing?â
âItâs not ugly,â You scoff, snatching your bag back and carefully unclipping the little duck from where it hangs. You place it in the middle of the table with a small shrug. âHe fixed it.â
The three of you stare at it, studying the cracks the run along itâs surface.
âWhat do you mean he fixed it?â Yunjin asks.
âI mean,â You sigh, âHe saw it break on Halloweekend, and took it upon himself to fucking glue it back together.â
A beat. And then, âAre you serious?â
You donât laugh, even though you want to. It is entirely ridiculous, but it happened. Youâve spent the last twelve hours mulling it over in your mind, and you can only come to one conclusion.Â
Maybe Sunghoon noticed you more than you thought.
And if that were true, what did it mean now?
You manage a soft smile, picking at the skin around your fingers mindlessly. âYep,â You hum, popping the P. âGave it to me last night.â
Yunjin squeals, gripping Jungwon's bicep and shaking him. He huffs and rips his arm from her grip. âQuit!â He hisses.
Yunjin just ignores him, her full attention on you. âI know I shouldnât be feeding into this anymore, but that,â She gestures towards the duck, âThat is more than some stupid experiment.â
You sigh, voice small when you say, âI know. I justâŠI donât know what the right thing to do is anymore.âÂ
And for the first time, youâre starting to feel like youâre finally being honest with yourself.
âWell,â Jungwon shrugs, leaning back in the booth. The waitress comes around and drops off three milkshakes, vanilla for yourself, and chocolate for Jungwon and Yunjin. âMaybe it wouldnât hurt to try it out.â
Your eyebrows furrow, âTest it out?â You repeat, taking a small spoonful of whipped cream and stuffing it into your mouth. You'd always been a sucker for ice cream.
Jungwon nods, âThereâs a party tomorrow night to celebrate the hockey team's win last night. Sunghoon will obviously be there, and maybe you can test out what he does when itâs not just the two of you.â
Yunjin sucks in a sharp breath, âBut,â She draws, âSophia will be there too.â
Jungwon snaps his fingers, âMy point exactly.â
You arenât really understanding where heâs trying to go with this. âSo what?â
Jungwon continues, âWe donât really know if heâs still under the influence of the experiment,â He explains, nodding towards the duck, âthat changes things. So, I think we should see if his feelings are real or not at the party.â
Your lips twist in thought, âHow do you plan to do that?â You push. It's not that you don't understand what he's trying to say, it's just hard for your head to fully wrap around it.
He smiles then, that same mischievous smile heâd given you all those weeks ago when heâd initially suggested this whole disaster, and itâs then that you know you shouldnât listen to anything that comes out of his mouth.Â
âSimple,â He shrugs, taking a sip of his milkshake. âWe ask.â
Your lips part to respond, but your phone ringing in your pocket interrupts you. Beomgyuâs name flashes across the screen, bold white letters that usually bring you comfort, but strangely are now doing the opposite.
You clear your throat, âHello?â
Beomgyuâs voice sounds from the other side, exhausted and groggy, but heâs got that spark he always does when he says, âI did it.â
You glance up at Yunjin and Jungwon, stomach twisting low. âDid what?â
âI figured it out,â He swallows, âIâve got the cure or whatever weâre calling it.â
And while it should be relief that floods your chest, instead what youâre met with is a cold pinch of disappointment.
Youâd never been one for parties. Even now, dressed in some slim black dress Yunjin picked for you, a vial of something you arenât even sure works in your purse, youâre reminded just why you donât like them.
Theyâre overcrowded, filled with college students all looking to either pass out drunk or find someone to fuck until they forget why they were even there in the first place. It wasnât your crowd, and youâd found peace with that a long time ago.
And yet, you're still here.
Beomgyu nudges your shoulder, eyes searching around the crowd of sweaty bodies. He wasnât one for parties either, but when you explained to him just why you were coming, he insisted on joining. Of course, Yunjin and Jungwon had been ecstatic and you had to explain to them that you were not coming just to have a good time.
You were coming to find out the truth, and that was it.Â
âAre you sure heâs here?â Beomgyu asks.
You nod, âHe texted me earlier and invited me. Said heâd meet us here.â
Sunghoon had been slightly surprised but happy when you confirmed you already planned to come. Heâd told you he might get a little busy with people trying to talk to him, but heâd make sure to try and come find you at some point. You'd scoffed, in disbelief that you seemed to have to schedule a time to talk to him. You knew he was popular, but people here seriously treated him like some celebrity and not a normal college student.
Yunjin smiles next to you, plucking a drink from the countertop. She tips it back against her mouth and chugs it, wiping off the small droplet that spills from her lips.
Beomgyu makes a disgusted face, âYou donât even know where that came from.â
âDoes it matter?â She asks, grabbing another one and shoving it towards you, âIt all ends up in someone's stomach.â
You push her hand away and take a cautious step back. âIâm good, thanks.â
She just shrugs like sheâd been expecting that and hands it to Jungwon, who happily accepts it. âSuit yourself.â
You donât respond, instead unknowingly floating closer to Beomgyu. Your eyes rake along the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar head of black hair, but instead youâre met with the one person you didnât want to see.
Sophia is wearing a soft baby pink skirt and a white top that make her look like the picture of innocence, lips red and tempting. The guy sheâs flirting with clearly isnât immune to her strategy, because his eyes keep falling down to her soft neckline like heâs hoping heâll suddenly develop x-ray vision.
Normally, the sight of her wouldnât bother you. It really shouldnât considering you havenât interacted with her at all outside of the hockey incident. But, for some reason, all you can see when you look at her is Sunghoon.
Sunghoon looking at her like sheâd hung the moon and stars. Sunghoon dragging her to his games. Sunghoon fixing things for her simply because he didnât want her to be sad. Sunghoon telling her he loves her.
You have no right to feel it, but jealousy curls deep in your stomach.Â
You recognize the boy sheâs talking to. Jay, The hockey teams co-captain, and Sunghoons roommate. The same roommate who youâre assuming slept with Sophia.Â
You donât know any of the detailsânever thought it appropriate to ask, really. But you do know that if Sunghoon saw this, heâd probably be pissed. You wonder if thatâs why sheâs flirting with him so openly, because she wants Sunghoon to see. You wouldnât put it beneath her.
The night continues like that, with you and Beomgyu hanging around awkwardly while Yunjin and Jungwon drink until their vision goes blurry. You keep catching glimpses of Sophia, and each time sheâs talking to a different guy. A different pawn, actually.
You haven't even seen Sunghoon once, which is kind of strange considering this party is kind of for him. Youâd even texted him, a quick "you here?" and had gotten no reply.Â
The antidote feels heavy in your purse for reasons you canât exactly explain. You were going to give it to him tonight no matter what, youâd already decided that. Even if you found out that this entire thing meant more to him then you thought it did, you were going to give it to him. Your heart flutters in your chest at the thought, forcing yourself to bite back a smile.
You know you shouldnât get your hopes up, but itâs hard. The duck had to be proof that this whole thing wasnât just a massive fuck upâmaybe it was exactly what youâd needed to finally lead the both of you to each other.
And then, as if itâs fate throwing it in your face, you see Sunghoon.
Heâs laughing at something someone's saying, his cheeks flushed and hair falling over his forehead like heâd deliberately placed it there. He looks goodâbut when does he not?Â
You nudge Beomgyu (Yunjin and Jungwon are too busy on the dance floor) and nod your head towards the black-haired man.
Beomgyu exhales lowly and grips the strap of your bag. âNo matter what he says, he has to drink this.â He insists, âI know it might be easier to keep up with the lieââ
âI know,â You interrupt, placing your hand atop his. You give it a light squeeze, âNo matter the outcome, he has to drink it.â
Beomgyu physically exhales and then shoots you a small smile, âFor what itâs worth,â He murmurs, âI donât think you have anything to worry about.â
âYeah,â You reply, âNeither do I.â And you really mean it.
Sunghoon doesnât notice you approach at first, not until you push past one of his friendsâHeeseung, you think his name isâand his attention snaps to you.
The look he gives you isnât one youâre used to seeing from him. Itâs softer. Like light rain on a warm day. Like the beginning stages of a love that lasts a lifetime.
Every other time itâs been strong. Fierce. Like a house fire at its peak. But nowâŠnow it makes your heart melt just like it did when youâd seen him for the first time three years ago.
âHi,â You breathe.
âHi.â He replies.
His friends have dispersed now, leaving just you and him in the sea of bodies. The moonlight filters through the windows, reflecting across his face in a way that really should be illegal.
âYou came,â He says after a moment, but he doesnât sound surprised.
âI did.âÂ
The air crackles between you in a way it never has before. Real and raw and entirely strange. It should scare youâit does scare youâbut you lean into the feeling. Because if thereâs one thing youâve learned the past couple of weeks, itâs to embrace the fear.
You reach into your purse and pull out the vial. Itâs small, with a few drops of a see-through pink liquid that you donât think anyone should ever be drinking.
âI need you to do something for me,â You tell him, voice shaking slightly. Embrace the fear, you remind yourself. âI need you to drink this.â You say, pushing the vial towards him.
His eyes flicker down to it, and then back up to yours, and for a moment you think he looks guilty.
âLook, [Y/N]ââ
âHoonie!â Your blood feels like it goes cold. Sophia approaches from behind you, shoving past and making her way in front of you like werenât even there.Â
âI got your text,â She grins, voice sweet. But you know she knows what sheâs doing. You know sheâs doing it on purpose to upset you, but youâre not going to give her that satisfaction. âI knew it was only a matter of time before you came to your senses.â
Oh.
Your eyes widen slightly, something mean twisting in your stomach. Your heart feels heavy in a way that physically hurts. Of course. The experiment mustâve worn off, and he was trying to figure out the best way to tell you that he hadnât meant anything heâd said. Thatâs why the air between the two of you had been so different.
You look at the antidote in your hand, and suddenly it feels pointless. Beomgyu did all that work just for it to wear off on its own. But youâd promised that youâd get him to drink it no matter what, and you werenât planning on breaking that.
Sunghoon shakes his head, âSophia, thatâs not why I texted you.â He practically spits, âStop trying to spin this into something you know itâs not.â
She looks genuinely taken aback for a moment but recovers swiftly. âIâm not trying to do anything,â She laughs, but thereâs no humor in it. âYouâre the one who asked me to meet you, yes?â
His eyes flicker to yours, like heâs begging you to hear him out before you jump to conclusions. âI did, butââ
âThen what else am I supposed to assume? Unless,â She turns back to you then, finally acknowledging the fact that youâre there. The sneer on her face when she looks at you is nearly enough to make you feel small. âYou didnât want to say it in front of your rebound.â
Sunghoon visibly bristles, âSheâs notââ
But you've heard enough. âItâs fine,â you say, not letting him finish. You manage a small smile, but it feels like poison against your skin. âI just need you to drink this so we can make sure everything goes back to normal without any hiccups.â
You push it back towards him, but he refuses to take it. â[Y/N], just let me explain.â He begs.
âYou donât need to explain to me.â You reply, and you mean it. Youâd done the exact thing youâd been afraid of since the beginning, and that wasnât his fault. It wasnât his fault that youâd taken everything too seriously despite knowing it was all manufactured by your own hands. Heâd just been an accidental victim. âJust drink it and then we can pretend none of this ever happened.â
When you let your eyes meet his, it hurts so bad you think youâll collapse right there and then. He looks genuinely devastated, eyebrows pulled taut and lips parted. But you canât for the life of you understand why. He was getting what he wanted, right? He was getting Sophia back. He was getting his life back. And so were you.
So why does it feel like nothing will ever be the same again?
He looks like heâs going to protest again, but holds back. Whether itâs for his own sake or yours, you arenât sure.
He takes the vial from you with shaky hands, unscrewing the cap and swallowing it down in one gulp. He doesnât make a face, even though youâre sure it canât taste pleasant.
Once itâs done, you donât bother saying bye. You just nod at him and turn on your heel, ignoring the smirk you can practically feel growing on Sophiaâs face.
Sunghoon got what he wanted. So did you. Thatâs all that should matter.
But you still canât stop the tears from flooding your eyes.
You don't look for your friends, you just get out of there as fast as possible. You knew this would happen, it was exactly why you'd been so worrued at first. And you did exactly what you said you would, you got too involved. You let his words seep through the cracks in your walls instead of strengthening them.
And now you weren't sure they'd ever be fully put back together again.
You spend the next few days locked away in your dorm. You skip class, even though you know you shouldnât, and spend your time watching reruns of New Girl and eating bowls of Lucky Charms.
Usually, hiding away for a few days and letting yourself marinate in your ugly helps. But itâs been days since the party, and the ache in your chest hasnât subsided at all.
Sunghoon tried to text you once, just to check up on you since you hadnât shown up to class, but you didnât respond; just shut off your phone and shoved it in between the couch cushions.
Youâd known this would happen when it started. Knew youâd end up hurt, and the worst part was that it wasnât even anyoneâs fault. There was no one you could shift blame onto; no one you could justify being angry with.
Itâd all just spiraled out of control before you could fix it.
The following Monday you finally decide to suck it up and go to class. You werenât going to let a boy get in the way of your schooling, even if the thought of seeing him made you sick to your stomach. (Also because Yunjin had threatened to call your mom if you didnât show up again, and you really didnât want to have to deal with that.)
Your feet drag when you get there, head hanging low. Youâre expecting Sunghoon to have gone back to his spot before, but when you look up, heâs still in the chair next to yours. He looks different. Tired, almost. Like he hasnât gotten proper sleep in days. You doubt you look any better.
You approach cautiously, hoping and praying that he wonât try and say anything to you. Does he even remember everything that happened? Was memory loss a symptom? You werenât really sure, and you werenât that interested in finding out.
You feel his eyes on you when you sit down, pulling out your computer and crossing one leg over the other. Youâre hoping you look the picture of casual, not like your heart was just unknowingly crushed by the boy next to you.
Sunghoon, for what its worth, doesnât talk to you for the majority of the lesson. Just shakes his leg anxiously and sneaks not-so-subtle glances your way. He keeps biting his bottom lip like he wants to say something, but stops himself before he can. Truthfully, it takes everything in you to not look at him. Itâd be so easy to look into those brown eyes and remember everything heâd saidâto remember every almost-kiss and every i love you that spilled from his lips like oil spilling into an endless clear blue sea.
Itâd be so easy to pretend that nothing had changed between you. That the last two weeks had never happened and things were still how they were beforeâwhen he was the moon and you were the star blinking just for him, hoping for just a sliver of attention.
But, you know things will never be the same.Â
You barely even register the lesson ending, not until you feel Yunjin at your side. She mustâve known youâd need her support right now, and that much you can appreciate.
âYou good?â She mumbles, glancing over at Sunghoon. The lecture hall has begun to clear out now, only a few stragglers remaining. Everyone must be ready to get out of this weather.
You nod, but itâs not sincere. âYeah,â You manage, stuffing your laptop into your bag. It clinks against the glass duck softly, and your heart twists again. âIâm all good.â
Yunjin gives you a look that says she doesn't believe you, but she doesn't push. You stand, starting to make your way down the stairs and finally away from himâbut he stops you.
â[Y/N].â
You almost donât hear him at first, but youâd recognize that tone anywhere. The same one heâd used when he asked you to come to the rink with him. Insistence teetering on the edge of pleading, but there's something that underlines it. Something youâve been recognizing within yourself a little too much lately.
You make the mistake of turning to look at him, and your breath catches in your throat. That look in his eyes is one youâve seen before, the same one youâd convinced yourself meant nothing.
Pure, unfiltered, love.
Except now there isnât any experiment to fall back on.
âCan weâŠâ He glances back at Yunjin and clears his throat. âCan we talk?â
Everything inside of you screams at you to say noâto turn around and ignore the way your body feels like itâs being pulled towards him. Like the world has tilted on its axis and he is your only source of gravity.
Against your own will, you hear yourself say, âOkay.â
Youâve only ever felt genuine fear three times in your life.Â
That time in the second grade when your dad thought itâd be funny to take you on a roller-coaster despite your fear of heights, and youâd cried so hard you ended up throwing up onto the lady in front of you. Then, there was the time youâd accidently switched up a water bottle and literal acid your freshman year of college and watched as your professor drank one of the liquids (Itâd been the water, thank God). And, of course, the time you watched Sunghoon drink your experiment.
But now, standing in some empty corridor with Park Sunghoon, you think you might have to add this to the list.
Embrace the fear, you remind yourself.
He doesnât say anything for a long moment, just stares at you with this unreadable look in his eyes. His hands are shoved in his coat pockets, posture slightly slumped. He doesnât look like the put together golden-boy youâd fallen in love with. He looks more vulnerable; more like a person instead of an idea.Â
He sniffles and juts his chin towards the duck hanging off your bag, âYou arenât scared itâll break again?â He asks softly.
You glance down at the cracked glass, reaching out and holding it between your fingers. âI guess I wasnât worried,â You mumble, âBecause last time it shattered someone put it back together.â
You hear his breath catch at that, and he takes a small step towards you. Heâs close enough now that you can smell his cologne, can feel the ghost of his lips on the crown of your head.
âDo you know why I fixed it?â He asks.
You swallow, having to lift your head slightly to see him. âBecause youâre a nice person, Sunghoon.â You murmur, forcing yourself to take a small step back. Enough distance that his presence doesnât feel like itâs consuming your very soul. âYou wouldâve done it for anyone.â
He breathes out a disbelieving laugh, âThatâs not true.â
âWhat do you mean?â
His eyebrows knit together, âI know youâre smarter than that.â Even though his words are harsh, his tone is soft. Like he canât even conceptualize the concept of being upset with you. Like it's an emotion heâs never even experienced.
Heâs right, you are smarter than that. But last time you let yourself believe, youâd ended up exactly where you knew you would beâwith a broken heart and tear-stained cheeks.
âYou donât understand,â You manage, voice breaking slightly. âYou donât feel that for me. I know you donât.â
âHow do you know that?â
You pause, bottom lip finding itâs way between your teeth. âYouâve been with Sophia for so long, and Iâm just-just me. Sheâs beautiful and popular and I spend more time watching fucking Harry Potter with my friends then I do actually socializing andââ
Sunghoon cuts you off, voice level. âExactly.â
You blink. âWhat?â
âSure, Sophia is popular and objectively beautiful, but she isnât you.â
It takes you a moment to fully process what heâs saying. But still, all you can find in yourself to manage is a quiet, âWhat?â
He takes another step closer, enclosing in on your personal space like he's always belonged there. âShe isnât you.â He repeats.
Youâve only felt genuine fear four times in your life. But only once has it ever melted into something so genuineâsomething so raw and real that your heart has felt like it was bursting at the seams.
âThat night Jungwon shattered your duck, you said something. Do you remember what it was?â
You shake your head softly. All you remember from that night is how upset youâd been that itâd happened and trying to find it in yourself to forgive Jungwon.
Sunghoonâs lips twitch softly, âYou said you loved it because it was different. You said you didnât care that it was a little strange on the outside, because you knew it had a good heart.â
You donât even remember those words coming out of your mouth. Honestly, you donât even remember Sunghoon being close enough to hear them.Â
âI think thatâs when I fell in love with you,â He admits quietly. âI didnât know it at first, but it was there. Everytime you sat down in class and tried not to laugh at something Yunjin said, everytime I saw you and Jungwon studying at the library, I felt it.â He sucks in a breath, âAnd then I drank the experiment.âÂ
You shudder at the memory, lips twisting slightly in discomfort. Youâre expecting him to say that it made him realize his feelings for you werenât actually thereâthat this was all just an elaborately cruel way to reject you.
But then, without even blinking, he says, âBut it didnât work.â
Your world stops for a moment. Thereâs no way thatâs possible. Youâd seen him with your own two eyes acting like a fool to get your attention. Constantly following you around, texting you late into the night, tucking your hair behind your earâall things heâd done because the experiment gave him the confidence to. But, if that wasnât true and the experiment hadnât worked then that meant that all of it had been real. Thereâd never been any pretend. Thereâd never been any accidents.Â
Itâd all been real.
Your eyes widen, hands gesturing in front of you. âBut that doesnât make any sense.â You insist, âYou were acting like youâŠâ Love me. The words linger in the air, like mistletoe teasing you.
You think at first, part of you still didnât believe that he loved you even with him standing here pouring his heart out to you. It just didnât make any sense in your head. But now it was undeniable. It was a burning truth that had forced its way into the light without so much as apologizing.
âBecause I do,â He murmurs, âAnd maybe it was stupid to go about it this way. I wonât argue with you on that. But, can you blame me? Do you know how hard it was to approach you?â
You scoff, âMe? What about you? And what about Sophiaââ
He shakes his head, âThatâs done. Has been for a long time now. Thatâs why I texted her at the party, I wanted to make sure she finally got it through her head that there was nothing there.â
âOh.â
Sunghoon chuckles, voice deep and soft. âYeah,â he mumbles. âOh.â
You look up at him now, into those swimming pools of chestnut. His pupils are slightly dilated, light reflecting off of his irises in a way that looks serene. The air around you fills with a soft tension, one that youâd have to focus on to even really notice.
You donât miss the way his eyes glance down at your lips, silently asking for a permission youâd given him years ago.
He leans in closer, breath warm against your lips. âI really want to kiss you right now,â He murmurs. Your skin tingles when his fingers brush the apple of your cheek, before cupping it softly.
You lean into him, reaching a hand up to cover his own. âWhatâs stopping you?â
He smiles, a big toothy grin that shows off his canines, and then leans forward slowly.
It isnât really a kiss at first, more like he's just lingering there, letting your breaths intermix. His hand travels from your cheek to the side of your neck, gently holding you in place.
And then he surges forward, mouth moving against yours like heâs trying to memorize you. Heâs gentle, holding you like youâre something fragileâlike heâs terrified youâll disappear if he pushes too hard.
He pulls away slowly, grinning from ear to ear like heâs just won the lottery. âYou have no idea how bad I've wanted to do that.â
You giggle, heat crawling up your stomach and swirling around your cheeks. âMaybe you should do it again just to make sure it sticks.â
Sunghoon doesnât hesitate then. His hand finds your waist and pulls you into him, lips colliding with yours in a way that makes your head spin. You think colors swirl behind your eyes, but you canât find it in yourself to care.
âI love you,â Sunghoon murmurs against your lips, âI love the way your nose scrunches when youâre focused,â He kisses the tip of your nose. âI love how kind you are even when people donât deserve it,â Another one to your cheek. âI love that youâre unapologetically you.â
Your heart stutters, laughter bubbling out of your chest uncontrollably.Â
âYou sure it isnât because you accidentally drank a love potion?â You tease, reaching a hand up to tangle in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck.
He huffs, finally pulling away so he can get a good look at you. âI donât think Iâd need a love potion to find my way to you.â He says, voice so sincere it nearly makes tears spring to your eyes.
So, yeah. The thing about Biochemistry is that itâs extremely difficult and sometimes shows you that maybe you should let your curiosity remain exactly thatâcuriosity.
But sometimes, if youâre lucky, it can lead you to exactly where youâre supposed to go.
Sunghoons hand traces down your arm until it finds your hand, and he easily intertwines your fingers like he was always supposed to fit there. âLet me take you home?â
For the first time, you see no reason to argue. No reason to protect your heart or turn him away. So, without a single protest, you say, âOkay.â
You arenât sure exactly how it happened. One minute Sunghoons walking you home, smiling like a kid in a candy store, and the next heâs kissing you like heâll die if he isnât touching you. Your apartment door shuts softly behind you, leaving just the two of you in your space.
You remember the last time heâd been in here, how heâd kissed the crown of your head with tender care. Heâd seemed nervous then, like the action was scandalous. Now, it was nearly the opposite.
He isnât rough, no, heâs deliberate. Fingertips tracing across the curve of your waist, teasing against the hem of your shirt. He kisses you like youâre the oxygen he needs to survive, like he's an addict and your lips are his fix.
It steals your breath away and breathes the air into your lungs all at once.
âTell me to stop and I will.â He grunts against you, hands tugging at your waist and pulling you closer against him until youâre flush against his body.Â
âSunghoon,â You gasp when you feel the growing bulge in his pants brush against your thigh. âDonât you ever stop.â
Thatâs all it takes before heâs tapping your thigh once and lifting you into his arms. His hands take up half your thighs, kneading the skin as he carries you to your bedroom. Youâre giggling the whole way there, hearts in your eyes and cheeks flushed.
He places you down on the bed gently, your hair fawning out around you like a halo. He sucks in a breath and crawls over you, eyes trained on your face. His knuckles brush your cheek, and you lean into it on pure instinct.
âYouâre so beautiful,â He murmurs, voice tender. âCanât believe youâre letting me love you.â
You smile, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. âThereâs no one in this world for me except for you, Park Sunghoon.â
He grins, burying his face in the nape of your neck like heâs embarrassed. âYeah?â
âYeah,â You answer, not even having to second guess yourself. âIâm so in love with you it hurts.â
He whines at your words, lips tracing across the skin of your neck, the length of your jaw, the space behind your ear, tongue darting out occasionally to mark you as his.
He tugs gently at your shirt and you arch your back so he can pull it over your head and toss it across the room, but it gets stuck on your elbow and he has to tug it loose. You laugh when it finally comes off, your hair falling in places it isnât supposed to.
Sunghoon giggles and pecks your lips. âYouâre making this difficult," he teases.
You just shrug and settle back down, ignoring the way his fingers trail over your bare stomach and pop open the button of your jeans. âI have to make you work for it.â
He smirks, devilish and no longer with any of that boyishness heâd had earlier. âYeah, baby?â He whispers, voice husky. âWant me to beg you to let me taste you?â
Your breath hitches, bottom lip finding its way in between your teeth. Suddenly, nothing is funny anymore.Â
He unzips your jeans and slowly drags them down your legs, tossing them to the floor and out of sight. âWant me to beg you to let me fuck you?â He continues.
You whimper, the sound escaping you without your permission. Youâd be lying if you said the idea of Sunghoon on his knees for you doesnât make something burn deep in your belly, but the thought of admitting that to him make your nerves spike with embarrassment.
He chuckles, sinking down to his knees until his face is level with your cunt. You canât help but squirm in place, because even though your panties still cover you, you feel completely exposed. If you wouldâve known this was going to happen today, you wouldâve worn something much cuter. Not your days of the week pantied and an old bra that was a pathetic excuse for lacy.Â
Sunghoons breath ghosts against your growing slick, and you know your panties are already damp. âYou gonna let me touch you, baby?â He asks.
You nod your head insistently, hips searching for any kind of relief. He just chuckles and places a hand on your tummy to hold you down. âNeed to hear you say it.â He murmurs. You can feel his lips brushing against your core, his nose nudging in the junction of your hip. Heâs so close to giving you what you want, but he wonât. Not until he hears it coming from your own lips.
âPlease,â You gasp. Your own voice sounds so needy, completely foreign to your own ears. âWanâ you to touch me, Hoon.â
He groans, but immediately obliges. He doesnât devour you at first, just lets his tongue lick small little kitten licks over your panties. You jump at the feeling, but he uses his spare hand to grip your hip and hold you down.Â
Heâs messy with it, even when heâs being gentle. He licks you open until youâre teary eyed and your panties are so drenched they look nearly see-through. He just sighs dreamily, like heâs enjoying some five-star meal and not like heâs eating you out like his life depends on it.
Pretty soon though you get over feeling everything without actually feeling it, because yes, it feels fucking insaneâbut you want to actually feel his lips against your bare folds. Want to feel him suck against your clit while his fingers get you ready to take him. Itâs just actually admitting that thatâs the hard part.
âSunghoon,â You whine, hips stuttering slightly. âStop teasing me.â
He pulls off of you, tongue darting out to lick his lips. âIâm not teasing you, baby.â He chuckles, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the skin of your hip.Â
You huff, âYou are.â
He raises a brow and begins to stand, and your stomach immediately drops. âYou want me to stop then?â
âNo!â You cry, shaking your head furiously. âGod, no, donât-donât stop.â
He nods slowly, finding his place on his knees in front of you once again. âThen be a good girl and tell me what you want.â
It shouldn't be as embarrassing as it is. Youâre a twenty-something year old woman with a sparkling GPA and enough experience under your belt that asking for something like this should be easy. But Sunghoons looking at you so tenderly, his hair a slight mess and eyes fucked out without even having been touched, and youâre finding it difficult to get the words out.
âI wantâŠâ You suck in a shaky breath, forcing your gaze to the ceiling. âI want you to eat me out. Properly.â
He grins and presses a chaste skin to the inside of your thigh. âSee?â He hums, âthat wasnât so hard was it?â
You don't bother giving him a response, because heâs already pulling your panties off your legs and plunging back in like a man starved. His lips wrap around your clit and suck the bud into his mouth, causing your back to arch and a loud moan to fall from your lips.
He doesnât stop after that, licking and sucking with such expertise you wonder how Sophia could ever want anything else. She had all this and genuinely thought she was going to get better? What a fucking joke.
âS-Sunghoonââ You gasp, fingers tightening into fists in his hair. He groans when you tug lightly, and you swear you see his hips roll against nothing.Â
The hand on your belly travels down until he reaches your fluttering hole, gently pushing his middle finger inside of you. The stretch isnât intense, more like just a subtle pressure between your hips, but itâs drowned out by the stimulation against your clit.
His fingers arenât abnormally large, but they are long. So long he finds your g-spot with ease and curls his finger against it until you swear youâre seeing stars. You let out a choked whimper, hips stuttering against him.
He seems to take that as a good sign because heâs slipping another finger inside now, intensifying the stretch and making your eyes roll back. His fingers move in tandem with his tongue, licking and thrusting until your vision starts to blur at the corners. Youâre close, you know itâcan feel it tightening deep in your stomach.
âGonna-gonna cum, fuck, mâcummingââ
Sunghoon hums, and the vibrations are exactly what you need to reach your peak. Your back bows off the bed, mouth falling open and eyes squeezing shut. You release with a silent cry of his name. He fucks you through it, and you can feel his eyes on you as he does. Watching the rise and fall of your chest, the way your legs shake slightly with aftershocks. Heâs studying this image of you, fucked out and empty-headed, like heâs committing it to memory.
When he finally pulls away your vision is slowly starting to come back to you. You barely register him maneuvering to come up next to you until you watch him rid himself of his shirt and you come face-to-face with the hard plains of his chest. His skin is soft and milky, the soft lines of his abs rising and falling as he takes in breaths of air.Â
You reach for him and he complies, falling over you until youâre chest to chest. You donât waste any time before youâre kissing him again. You can taste the saltiness of your own slick on his lips, but you donât careâinstead, you kiss him deeper.
His tongue slips until your mouth, brushing against your own. Itâs wet and gross and fucking perfect. âSunghoon,â You manage between pants, âFuck me.â
A beat passes as his eyes find yours, âYeah?â
You nod, and thatâs all the answer he needs. He wastes no time ridding himself of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance. He pushes in slowly, taking in every expression you make like heâs scared heâll hurt you. And, yeah, heâs big. Like, bigger than anything youâve ever taken. But the stretch is also perfect, filling you so completely your eyes nearly roll back.
âFuck, youâre warm,â He mumbles, words slurring together. He sounds drunk on you.Â
When he bottoms out, you swear youâre seeing soundwaves and hearing colors. His tip nudges against that spot in you perfectly, curved at just the right angle.
He takes a moment to let you adjust, but you can tell heâs holding himself back. His fingers drip the sheets with effort, bottom lips in between his teeth. You roll your hips once, testing the waters, and the pleasure that floods through you forces a moan out of the both of you.
âDonât do that,â He says breathily, voice on the verge of collapse. âFuck.â
It takes a second, but his hips slowly start to push into yours. His thrusts are shallow at first, just little pushes that help you to accommodate his size, but itâs not long before they turn rougher.
He pulls out halfway just to slam back in, and your breath actually gets ripped from your lungs. Stars swim behind your eyes as he finds his pace, âFuck,â You breathe.
Sunghoon gasps, burying his face in your neck. âI love you,â He groans, âFuck, I love this pussy. I love the way you sound. Love the way you fucking feel. Youâre perfect,â He babbles.
You part your lips to reply, but all that comes out is a sob when he thrusts particularly hard. You tighten instinctively around him, and he falters for a split-second before heâs finding his tempo again.
He fucks you like youâve been denying him for years, like heâs spent every night dreaming of this. Tears of pleasure begin to streak across your cheeks; each he kisses away without so much as a hum.
Itâs so intimate, so perfect, so full of love that you donât even notice youâre approaching your climax until it crashes over you.
âFuck, just like that,â Sunghoon whimpers, reaching down and rubbing light circles over your clit. âYouâre so perfect. Such a good fucking girl. My good girl.â And then heâs releasing inside of you, hot spurts of cum painting your insides.
He stays inside of you after he comes, both of you panting hard, sweat and fluids leaking from your bodies. He eventually pulls out and lays down next to you, his arm across your middle.
Youâre silent for a moment, collecting your thoughts. You just had Sex with Park Sunghoon. Not only that, but Park Sunghoon is in love with you. Heâd said it enough times tonight for you to finally really believe it.
âYou okay?â He asks softly, reaching up and tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. The gentleness in which he treats you now is such a stark contrast to the brutalness of which he just fucked you that you nearly laugh.
âYeah,â You hum, voice a bit raspy. âIâm perfect.â
Sunghoon grins and pulls you into him. He kisses you again, but there arenât any intentions behind it. Instead, itâs slow and sweet, like heâs hoping to convey every emotion heâs ever felt into the kiss.
âGood,â he says, pulling away slightly. âBecause Iâm going to remind you of how much I love you as much as I can.â
You laugh, âAre you asking to fuck me again?â
He shakes his head, âNo,â He whispers, âIâm asking if I can make love to you again.â
And it doesnât take much for you to say yes.
Youâve been dating Park Sunghoon for nine months and fourteen days. Nine months of hockey games, late night study session, and weekly dates (all of which he insisted he pay for). Nine months of surprise gifts, of sweet words, and daily reminders of just how lucky you are to have him.
Yunjin groans next to you, typing away furiously on her phone. âI canât believe this is happening again!â She whines.
âI told you that a man you met on snapchat quick add wasnât going to end up the love of your life.â Beomgyu sings knowingly, shoveling popcorn in his mouth.
âFor what it's worth, he really wasnât even that cute.â Jungwon adds.
She shoots him a glare, âShut up, you donât know what youâre talking about. Jiung was fucking beautiful and now heâs ghosting me!â
You shiver slightly, watching Sunghoon glide on the ice. Heâs instructing his teammates to do something; you arenât really sure. Heâd tried to explain the rules of hockey to you months ago, but your brain was very clearly made for science and not sports.
âTry not to worry about it, Yunjin,â you say sympathetically, placing a comforting hand on her back. âYou just havenât met your person yet.â
She scoffs, gesturing at your shirt. âEasy for you to say when youâre already practically married to, like, the most perfect guy on the planet!â
You glance down at what youâre wearingâa blue jersey with the number 23 sprawled in the middle. Sunghoons hockey number.
You would argue with her, maybe try to make her feel better, but your eyes lock with Sunghoons across the rink for just a moment, and you stop yourself.
Because, well, sheâs right. You did get lucky. You glance down at the duck hanging off of your bag, the very thing that had unknowingly started this entire thing.
âYeah,â You shrug, âYouâre right.â
And when you go home that night, listening to Sunghoon ramble about scoring the winning goal, you know that there's nowhere else you'd rather be.
thank you guys so much for reading đ„Č this story took everything out of me but iâm mostly happy with how it came out. ily guys <3
synopsis: in which you post about the most insufferable guy in your class on an AITA thread, only to find someone in the comments defending him a little too passionately.
genre: enemies to lovers??
pairing: insufferable!sunghoon x menace!reader
warnings: sexual tension, so many gawddamn arguments, some eye fucking from sunghoonâs behalf, lowkey bratty!reader, dom!hoon, semi-public sex, washroom sex, spitting, choking, oral (m rec.), fingering, biting, mirror sex, so much degrading, begging, spanking, slapping, teasing, unprotected p in v (donât do itâŠ), creampie, light cum playâŠi think thatâs itâŠ
wc: 13k
a/n: i love me some enemies to lovers i feel ashamed đđ anyways after almost 3 months ya gurl is back w anotha banger đđ warning, this isnât edited properly i did like a quick read over or 2 and ran out of patience. ill sit down months later to revise it (no i wont). as always, notes, reblogs and comments are always appreciated. enjoy :p
Ëđ·Ë
the literature lecture hall buzzed quietly with the usual sounds of a monday morning classâkeyboard typing, coffee lids snapping shut, chairs dragging lazily across the floor.
rain streaked against the tall windows beside you, grey light spilling across rows of half-awake university students while professor choi clicked through his lecture slides at the front.
this class was your last pick and you were barely listening until the next discussion question appeared on the board.
what does meursault's emotional detachment represent?
professor choi adjusted his thick framed circle glasses.
"thoughts?"
and then, unfortunately, park sunghoon raised his hand.
you already knew this was about to piss you off. your face twisting into one of pure disgust before the man even opened his mouth.
sunghoon sat three rows ahead of you, posture relaxed, one arm slung over the back of his chair like he owned the lecture hall. he didn't even look interested in the discussion, which somehow made it more annoying whenever he spoke and everyone listened anyway.
professor choi nodded toward him."go ahead."
sunghoon spoke evenly, like a corrupt politician who was going to promise world peace. like he was delivering some groundbreaking intellectual revelation instead of absolute nonsense.
"i think the novel critiques performative emotion more than emotional detachment itself."
you narrowed your eyes immediately. all you could hear was blah blah blah meh meh meh.
sunghoon continued, his tongue jutting out to wet his lips so the bullshit he was going to spew would come out smoother.
"society condemns meursault not because he committed murder, but because he doesn't react the way people expect him to emotionally. he refuses to fake grief, guilt, remorseâ"
"because he doesn't have any," you interrupted flatly.
a few heads turned instantly, students giving each other knowing looks. sunghoon glanced over his shoulder at you.
not irritated. oh no no, worse. he was amused.
"that's an oversimplification." he clicked, leaning his head back to the front to give professor choi a lazy look that basically said 'you see what's happening here?'
"no," you said. "you're just romanticizing emotional incompetence because the author used fancy wording."
a quiet snort came from somewhere behind you causing sunghoon to turn fully in his seat now. "you think the entire point of the novel is that he's a bad person?"
"i think the point is that detachment isn't inherently profound just because a man is quiet."
that got a reaction, small and subtle. a couple students trying not to laugh, their binders going up to hide their facial expressions as professor choi gave them a warning look.
sunghoon's eyes narrowed slightly for the first time.
finally.
"you're reducing existentialism to a personality flaw."
"and you're treating basic human empathy like it's optional."
professor choi opened his mouth and closed it again. probably deciding it was safer not to interfere yet.
sunghoon rested his arm against the desk beside him.
"the novel literally argues that societal expectations of emotion are artificial."
"okay, but there's a difference between rejecting social performance and acting like a disconnected freak."
sunghoon gave you a look at the last word, "interesting choice of wording."
"oh please," you scoffed. "you're acting like meursault is some misunderstood visionary when really he's just emotionally constipated."
someone coughed to hide a laugh and sunghoon's jaw ticked slightly.
barely noticeable, but you noticed. because you notice everything about park sunghoon, the good and the bad. unfortunately, more of the good which was all physical. nothing mental of course, the man had an IQ of a turnip.
arguing with park sunghoon had become a skill you'd accidentally perfected over the past two years. he always looked composed, always calm. but there were little tells and small cracks. tiny expressions that appeared when you pushed hard enough.
and right now? he was getting annoyed.
good.
"you're too emotionally reactive to engage with the text objectively," he said, his dark eyes boring into your own as if he was trying to get under your skin.
which, to be fair, he was. you knew that, and he definitely knew that.
you let out a short laugh. "and you think sounding detached makes you intelligent."
his gaze held yours for a second too long. steady and sharp. "maybe i just know how to separate emotion from analysis."
"maybe you just enjoy hearing yourself talk."
sunghoon tilted his head slightly, "you've interrupted me four times."
"because every sentence somehow gets worse."
a few quiet laughs spread through the room again. you saw professor choi pinch the bridge of his nose from the corner of your eye.
sunghoon looked entirely unbothered by the class watching. if anything, he looked more focused now.
like he enjoyed this, he enjoyed the attention he was receiving. the perfect spotlight to argue with a classmate. which made you irrationally angrier. "you're intentionally ignoring nuance."
"and you're intentionally making this deeper than it actually is."
"literature is supposed to be analyzed deeply."
"not every quiet man with a god complex is philosophically revolutionary, sunghoon."
that one landed, hard. his brows lifted slightly and the room went quieter. you could practically feel everyone pretending not to listen now.
sunghoon leaned back slowly in his chair. still staring at you, not daring to break eye contact.
"you know," he said lightly, "for someone who claims i'm insufferable, you spend an impressive amount of time thinking about my opinions."
your stomach flipped in annoyance. strictly annoyance.
"trust me," you replied sweetly, "criticizing you is not a difficult intellectual exercise."
the corner of his mouth twitched, almost a smile. which only irritated you more because why did he look entertained right now?
"you get weirdly passionate whenever i disagree with you."
"because you say insane things with unnecessary confidence."
"and yet you always argue back."
you opened your mouth immediately. "because someone has to humble you."
sunghoon's eyes flicked briefly down toward your mouth before returning to your eyes so quickly you almost thought you imagined it.
almost.
then he said quietly, "you've been trying for two years."
your heartbeat stumbled once, completely involuntary by the way. and judging by the sudden silence in the lecture hall, several other people noticed the shift too.
professor choi finally sighed loudly enough to cut through the tension.
"well," he muttered dryly, "this has certainly been more engaging than most of your discussion contributions."
a few students laughed softly.
you tore your gaze away from sunghoon first, reaching for your pen like your pulse hadn't just betrayed you for absolutely no reason.
meanwhile, across the room, sunghoon leaned back in his chair again.
looking entirely too pleased with himself.
Ëđ·Ë
by the time professor choi dismissed the class, the atmosphere in the lecture hall felt weirdly charged.
like everyone had just witnessed something they definitely shouldn't have.
chairs scraped against the floor as students packed up their bags, conversations immediately erupting around the room.
you shoved your laptop into your tote aggressively, muttering curses about the boy who shall not be named.
mostly because you could still feel park sunghoon's smug expression somewhere in your peripheral vision.
you hated him and his stupid fucking beautiful face.
the worst part was that he never even looked genuinely angry during your arguments. no matter how heated things got, sunghoon always stayed calmârelaxed posture, steady voice, slightly amused expression like he was watching you self-destruct for entertainment.
it was infuriating.
sunoo appeared beside your desk, slinging his bag over one shoulder. "you know," he said casually, "that was kind of the highlight of my week."
you glared at your so called best friend, "you're sick."
"no seriously," sunoo grinned. "when you called him emotionally constipated i almost started clapping."
you huffed, standing up. "he deserved worse." together, you and sunoo started toward the lecture hall doors with the crowd of students funneling out into the hallway.
exceptâsomeone was standing near the exit.
waiting, wearing a black hoodie. arms crossed loosely.
park sunghoon.
of course he was, because the argument that had erupted during class just wasn't enough for this troll doll. your steps slowed instinctively and sunoo noticed immediately, his smile widened, ear to ear.
fucking traitor.
sunghoon's eyes found yours through the crowd almost instantly. calm as ever and annoyingly unreadable.
then, as you got closer, he pushed himself off the wall.
you already knew he was about to say something irritating, you could feel it.
sunghoon stepped aside just enough to let other students pass before leaning slightly closer toward you.
close enough that you caught the clean scent of his cologne beneath the lingering smell of coffee and rain.
"for someone who hates my opinions," he murmured quietly, "you seem obsessed with hearing them."
you stopped walking and slowly turned your head toward him. you hated how you had to crank your head up to make eye contact with him, the height difference between you two surrendering your loss.
"and for someone who claims to be emotionally detached," you replied sweetly, "you sure spend a lot of time trying to get my attention."
sunghoon's mouth twitched, that stupid almost-smile again. he looked down at you at with this look that you couldn't quite identify.
"see you monday." you hope one of you don't make it to monday, preferably him.
you stared at him for one long second, really stared. at his stupid face. his stupid sharp jawline. his stupid pretty mouth that constantly said the most unbearable things imaginable.
then you walked away before you committed a felony.
sunoo was already laughing beside you. "OH my god," he breathed. "you two are unbelievable."
"he's unbelievable," you snapped immediately, a faint flush covering your face and neck.
sunoo hummed, clearly unconvinced. he was your best friend since elementary school, he knew exactly what this was.
the hallway buzzed with students moving between lectures while rain hammered softly against the windows lining the corridor. you shoved through the doors toward the outside courtyard, irritation simmering hotter with every passing second.
"i genuinely cannot wait until i graduate," you muttered. "the second i get my degree i'm never seeing that freak again."
sunoo snorted, looking at your pink tinted cheeks with a grin. "you still have two years left."
your eye twitched at the realization.
right.
two more years.
two more years of literature classes and discussion boards and seeing park sunghoon sitting three rows ahead of you looking annoyingly composed all the time.
you groaned dramatically. "i can't do this anymore."
sunoo bumped your shoulder lightly. "you've survived two years already."
"barely."
the more you thought about him, the angrier you got.
because sunghoon was the exact type of person that's easy to hate.
too calm. too smug. too aware of how intelligent he was.
and worst of allâtoo attractive for absolutely no reason.
everything about him irritated you.
his stupid perfect smile whenever he thought he'd won an argument. his stupidly long fingers tapping against his desk during lectures. the way his hoodies stretched across his broad shoulders.
the fact that he somehow looked composed even when everyone else looked exhausted during midterms.
it was deeply, deeply annoying.
you physically smacked yourself in the forehead.
sunoo blinked at your sudden outburst. "what was that for?"
"nothing."
sunoo narrowed his eyes. then slowlyâdangerouslyâhe smiled. "oh my god."
you frowned immediately, not liking the way he was smiling down at you. "what."
"i think you might be the issue."
you stopped walking so abruptly someone nearly walked into your shoulder. "excuse me?"
sunoo shrugged innocently. "i'm just saying."
"how the hell am i the issue?"
"you do start a lot of the arguments."
you stared at him in betrayal. "because he says ridiculous things."
"sometimes."
"all the time."
sunoo hummed thoughtfully, not agreeing, which was offensive. why is your best friend not blindly supporting you even when you're probably wrong, which you aren't, but even if you wereâthe fuck?
you scoffed loudly. "sunghoon is literally the one who started this whole thing."
and he had, freshman year. first semester.
he'd corrected one of your points during a class discussion with that calm, mildly condescending tone of his and something inside you had immediately gone:Â absolutely not.
listen you can take criticism, just not from that man specifically.
ever since then, every interaction between you had turned into some kind of competition. you couldn't help it. sunghoon always acted so composed, so polished, so annoyingly perfect that it made you want to knock him down a level, or several.
sunoo shoved his hands into his pockets. "okay but maybe if you stopped interacting with himâ"
"impossible."
"you didn't even let me finish."
"because you're wrong."
sunoo laughed softly, knowing damn well that nothing he was going to say would penetrate through your thick skull. "you could just ignore him."
you looked at him like he'd suggested murder.
ignore park sunghoon? absolutely not.
that sounded suspiciously like losing. sunoo noticed your expression immediately and burst out laughing. "see? that's exactly what i mean."
you crossed your arms. "i am not the problem here."
sunoo just gave you a look. one of those deeply irritating best friend looks that implied he knew you better than you knew yourself.
which, unfortunately, he probably did.
you pulled your phone out of your pocket causing sunoo to raise a brow.
"what are you doing?"
"i'm getting unbiased opinions."
"from who?"
you opened reddit with complete confidence and sunoo immediately groaned.
"oh no."
Ëđ·Ë
your dorm room was suspiciously quiet except for the aggressive tapping of your keyboard.
sunoo sat cross-legged at the end of your bed eating gummy bears straight from the bag while watching you with the exact same expression people have witnessing a public breakup.
concern mixed with entertainment.
you ignored him. because right now you were busy crafting the most objectively accurate reddit post ever written.
the glow from your laptop lit your face as you reread the title for the fifth time.
AITA for telling a guy in my class to shut up because he thinks he's always right?
perfect. concise. truthful.
you cracked your knuckles dramatically before continuing to type. sunoo snorted from the other side, picking out all the red gummies before stuffing them into his mouth.
-
there's this guy in one of my university classes and he is genuinely one of the most irritating people i've ever met.
he's quiet but in a pretentious way? like he thinks being emotionally constipated makes him intelligent. he corrects EVERYONE during discussions and somehow always sounds smug even when he's technically being polite.
the worst part is that he's annoyingly good at everything. presentations? perfect. essays? perfect. participation? professor's favourite somehow.
one time i got a question wrong during class and this man literally smirked at me. SMIRKED. like a disney villain.
today we got into an argument during lecture because he was saying some pseudo intellectual nonsense and i told him to shut up because nobody cares about his superiority complex anymore.
now some people are saying i overreacted but i genuinely think he needed to be humbled.
AITA?
-
you hit post.
then immediately grabbed your phone while bouncing slightly in your seat.
sunoo stared at you with mild distaste. "you look like you just launched a cyber attack."
"i'm right and soon the public will confirm it."
sunoo snorted. "you're insane."
the first comment appeared almost instantly.
you gasped dramatically. "OH MY GOD." sunoo leaned over slightly as you opened it, rolling his eyes as soon as he read the first word.
-
NTA
this guy sounds like if a philosophy podcast became a person.
-
you slapped sunoo's arm excitedly."SEE?"
another comment appeared.
-
girl stand UP. why are you letting a man who's probably named after a victorian disease humble you in public
-
you folded over laughing, sunghoon was a disease alright. a disease that would rot and corrupt your brain before leading you to your own destruction.
sunoo grabbed your laptop before you dropped it off the bed. "okay that one was funny."
more comments flooded in rapidly and sunoo watched as your expression morphed into one of pure joy. like a kid who had just walked into a candy shop with an unlimited budget and no parental supervision.
-
NTA
he sounds insufferable.
-
ESH
you both sound annoying but in a sexual tension way.
-
you frowned, "what does that even mean?"
sunoo looked away suspiciously fast, hiding his smirk.
another one.
-
i know EXACTLY the type of man you're talking about. probably wears silver jewelry and thinks eye contact is a personality trait.
-
your jaw dropped. "THEY GET ME."
sunoo popped another gummy bear into his mouth, eyeing you. "or maybe you're describing every business major ever."
you ignored him because the comments were getting better by the second.
-
does he perchance look like this:
đż
-
"OH MY GOD." he totally does.
-
girl he likes you.
‷
no literally this sounds like academic enemies to lovers fanfiction.
-
"okay why does everyone keep saying that," you muttered, a deep frown now etched on your face. you were beginning to not like where these comments were headed.
sunoo made a noncommittal noise. you narrowed your eyes at him briefly before scrolling again.
-
i'm crying at "emotionally constipated." please cook him again.
-
next class hit him with "you're not beating the pretentious allegations."
-
ask him if he learned emotional intelligence from patrick bateman edits and sigma bro podcasts lol.
-
you physically wheezed, your body folding over in laughter. sunoo shook his head slowly, watching you upvote every single comment that dissed sunghoon.
"you're enjoying this way too much."
"because i'm finally being validated."
you pointed accusingly at him. "unlike SOME people."
sunoo rolled his eyes before muttering, "whatever bitch."
another comment appeared.
-
INFO: is he actually arrogant or are you just threatened because he's smarter than you?
-
your smile vanished instantly. "BOOOOO."
you downvoted it immediately, sunoo burst out laughing. "you are NOT supposed to interact emotionally with the comments."
"they interacted emotionally with ME first."
you kept scrolling, feeling increasingly euphoric as strangers across the internet continued confirming what you'd known all along: park sunghoon was deeply irritating.
the comments only got more ridiculous from there.
-
"he smirked at you after you got a question wrong" oh huny he wants you BAD.
-
this sounds less like hatred and more like unresolved yearning.
-
enemies to lovers ahh post.
-
"unresolved yearning?" you repeated aloud in horror.
oh fuck no.
sunoo was smiling now. not laughing. no no, he was smiling.
which was somehow worse, you turned your head slowly to shoot him a glare, "what."
he shrugged. "nothing."
you narrowed your eyes suspiciously then looked back at your screen.
another comment. this one longer.
-
honestly i think you're leaving out context. from your own description, it sounds like he was trying to engage in discussion normally and you took it personally because you already dislike him.
-
your smile faltered slightly.
who the fuck was this? and why the fuck do they think they know the situation?
the comment continued:
-
correcting people during literary discussions isn't arrogance if he's contributing meaningful analysis. also, calling someone "emotionally constipated" because they interpret a book differently than you is kind of ironic.
-
you scoffed loudly. "OH BROTHER." get a load of this guy, why don't they just go and suck sunghoon's dick at this point.
sunoo leaned closer, reading the comment out loud "wait that one kindaâ"
"no."
you clicked reply immediately, your fingers flying across the keyboard.
-
if you defend people like this i just KNOW nobody likes you in real life.
-
sunoo let out a disbelieving laugh. "you're fighting civilians now?"
"they started it."
your reply posted and within less than thirty secondsâ
the person responded.
-
bold assumption coming from someone who wrote an entire essay about a classmate because he annoyed her.
-
you froze and slowly sat up straighter. you felt your face tense in what you can only identify as pure raw anger.
sunoo noticed instantly when your face went from. mildly annoyed to baboon ass red. "what."
your eyes narrowed at the screen. something about the reply irritated you immediately. the tone. calm. slightly condescending. annoyingly articulate.
...absolutely not. no way.
you started typing again with renewed aggression. you stared at the username with pure hatred.
notniceprince02
your eye twitched, something about it already annoyed you. the reply sat there on your screen like a personal attack.
calm and smug. condescending in a weirdly articulate way that made you want to throw your laptop across the room.
sunoo leaned closer from beside you. "what happened?"
you pointed aggressively at the screen. "this person thinks i'm the problem."
sunoo made a face. "well..."
you slowly turned toward him eyes like slits and your mouth scrunched. "choose your next words carefully."
sunoo immediately looked back down at his gummy bears.
fucking coward.
you cracked your fingers dramatically before typing a response.
-
sorry i didn't realize his defense attorney was in the comments section. should i call you next time he starts acting like a rejected sherlock holmes adaptation?
-
you hit reply with satisfaction, finally letting out the breath of anger you had taken earlier,
sunoo blinked. "you type like you're in a duel."
"because i am."
less than a minute laterâanother response.
-
maybe people correct you often because you're wrong often.
-
you gasped so loudly sunoo nearly dropped the gummy bear bag. "OH this bitch."
you didn't know who this person was but you are not the one to be fucked with like this. your fingers flew over the keyboard with new found passion.
-
and maybe you defend emotionally detached weirdos online because you see yourself in him.
-
reply posted and the response came back almost immediately.
-
emotionally detached = calm
emotional instability = writing reddit essays because a guy disagreed with you in class
-
sunoo physically leaned forward now the gummy bears had been abandoned.
"okay wait," he said slowly. "this is getting good."
you ignored him, mostly because your blood pressure was rising.
-
if being calm means acting like a pretentious AI generated philosophy quote then congratulations i guess.
-
reply and instant response.
-
if being intelligent sounds pretentious to you that might be a personal issue.
-
your jaw dropped. "PERSONAL ISSUE?"
sunoo was trying not to laugh, badly. you glared at him before pushing at his shoulder hard enough to have him almost fall of your bed. unlucky for you, he managed to catch his balance and stay seated next to you with a dumb grin on his face.
"i'm sorry but they kinda cooked you there."
"whose side are you on?"Â fucking twink.
"the entertainment's."
traitor.
you sat up straighter on the bed, narrowing your eyes at the screen like notniceprince02 had personally wronged your entire bloodline.
-
you sound exactly like the guy i'm talking about btw. same superiority complex. same "i think i'm the smartest person in every room" energy.
-
the response appeared almost immediately, which somehow irritated you more. did this person have no life? fighting with strangers on the internet like a loser.
this doesn't apply to you of course.
-
maybe you're just intimidated by people who challenge you intellectually.
-
you stared at the screen in disbelief.
sunoo let out a quiet whistle. "they hit a nerve?"
"i'm going to hit THEM."
you typed furiously, your thumbs cramping up but you don't let weak things like this stop you.
-
intellectually challenge me? please. this man raises his hand in class like he's announcing a new world order then says the most pseudo intellectual nonsense you've ever heard.
-
response.
-
interesting. you seem to remember his class participation very vividly.
-
you froze for like half a second and then scoffed loudly.
because it's TRAUMATIZING. not because you care enough to remember, but because it's shocked itself into the crevices of your brain.
sunoo snorted while you kept going.
-
he literally smirks when people get answers wrong. do you know how deeply punchable that is?
-
response.
-
maybe he smirks because your reactions are dramatic.
-
you narrowed your eyes dangerously. this conversation, more like argument, felt more natural that you'd like to admit.
-
okay now i KNOW you're him.
-
sunoo's brows shot up immediately. hold on...
you pointed at the screen frantically. "LOOK AT HOW HE TYPES."
sunoo leaned closer, the two of you stared silently at the replies for a moment. thenâsunoo slowly looked at you. "that actually does sound like him."
"THANK YOU." validation surged through your body instantly. you pointed aggressively at the laptop. "RIGHT? the annoying calmness? the fake intellectual wording? the superiority complex?"
sunoo tilted his head, a shit eating grin plastered on his porcelain face. "you know him disturbingly well."
"unfortunately."
another reply appeared.
-
i think it's funny how much attention you pay to someone you supposedly dislike.
-
you barked out a laugh, completely humorless.
-
oh my god. you ARE him.
-
response.
-
and if i was?
-
you sat there, staring. sunoo sat there too, also staring.
the room suddenly felt strangely quiet as you squinted at the screen.
"why did that make me mad."
sunoo was smiling again, that knowing smile. you hated that smile.
"because you think it might actually be him."
"it's not him."
"mhm."
"it's just some annoying reddit user." another response appeared before you could keep ranting.
-
for the record, if this guy really is as arrogant as you claim, why do you keep engaging with him?
-
you rolled your eyes instantly.
-
because someone has to humble him.
-
reply.
-
sounds more like obsession.
-
you gasped, like actually gasped. you? obsessed with sunghoon? out of all the people in this world? fuck no.
sunoo folded over laughing. "OH MY GOD."
"OBSESSION?" you typed so aggressively the keyboard started clacking violently.
-
you people see a man and woman arguing and immediately think there's romantic tension. have you considered that i simply think he's irritating and unfortunate-looking?
-
sunoo looked at you, slowly. "unfortunate-looking?"
you avoided eye contact because unfortunately that part wasn't true. at all. which was deeply annoying. you hated how you couldn't get away with dissing his appearance because as much as you hate to admit it, there was nothing to pick at.
another reply.
-
unfortunate-looking yet you described his facial expressions in detail.
-
you froze. sunoo froze. your eyes slowly widened as you stared at sunoo who looked equally as surprised as you.
"..."
sunoo pointed at the screen. "THAT IS ABSOLUTELY HIM."
"SHUT UP."
Ëđ·Ë
by the next morning, your hatred for user notniceprince02 had evolved into something genuinely concerning.
your phone had been vibrating nonstop since eight in the morning.
every. two. seconds.
ping.
ping.
PING.
another reply. another argument. another smug paragraph typed in that calm, annoyingly articulate tone that made your blood pressure spike on sight.
you sat in the student lounge with your laptop open and your phone in your hand simultaneously, responding across two devices like a woman fighting in active warfare.
sunoo sat across from you, fully invested now. having the thread opened on his laptop as he watched you type out responses like it was war.
classes? irrelevant.
education? secondary.
this reddit argument had become the main event.
"you've replied to him thirty-seven times just in this past hour " sunoo said.
"thirty-eight." you hit send aggressively and sunoo blinked in pure shock.
"that was immediate."
"because he's wrong." your phone buzzed again and you looked down instantly.
-
notniceprince02:
"you keep proving my point by reacting emotionally to everything."
-
you scoffed so loudly the two people at the next table glanced over.
"OH my god." your fingers slammed against the keyboard.
-
sorry i forgot being emotionally unavailable is apparently a personality trait now.
-
send.
and would you look at that, a response within seconds.
-
no, but making hating one guy your entire personality definitely is.
-
you stared at the screen with a scowl etched on your face. offended, deeply offended.
sunoo leaned over your shoulder to see you clutching your phone was a grip that would shatter your screen.
then immediately started laughing. "okay no because why does this genuinely sound like sunghoon."
"it's NOT him."
"__."
"it's just some weird sigma male ass kisser who probably listens to podcasts hosted by divorced men."
you ignored him because your phone buzzed againâanother reply.
-
you seem weirdly committed to misunderstanding him.
-
you rolled your eyes so hard it physically hurt. at this point you wondered how many people at the library thought something was mentally wrong with you.
-
and you seem weirdly committed to defending him. is this his burner account or are you just in love with him?
-
send.
sunoo nearly choked. "OH?"
"what?"
"you're spiraling."
"i'm WINNING."
sunoo pointed at your screen, a thread of reddit beef that's exceeded an appropriate limit. "this does not look like winning."
you frowned at the ongoing thread. unfortunately, it had become one of the top comments under your post. people were fully invested now with random users jumping into the argument just to spectate.
some were taking sides while others were making it worse, much worse.
-
y'all are literally flirting.
-
this is the most enemies to lovers thing i've ever read.
-
somebody invite me to the wedding.
-
"irl academic rivals is CRAZY."
-
you physically recoiled at the thought of being shipped with that garden troll of a man. "what is WRONG with people?"
sunoo looked way too entertained. "they kinda have a point."
"they absolutely do not."
another comment:
-
at this point just kiss and get it over with.
  ‷
i would rather chew denim.
-
you typed immediately, brows furrowed and jaw clenched. this was the last thing you had expected as an outcome when you posted on reddit.
sunoo burst out laughing. "chew denim?"
"i'm emotional."
your phone buzzed again.
-
notniceprince02:
"that's dramatic."
-
your eye twitched as you read the message out loud. "HE KEEPS SAYING THAT." people had now physically turned on their seats to look at the two of you with curious and annoyed looks in their eyes.
sunoo pointed accusingly at you while gives others a apologetic smile. "because you ARE dramatic." he whispered to you harshly all while motioning you to shut the fuck up.
"you're both against me."
"no," sunoo corrected. "i just think this is the funniest thing that's happened all semester."
you glared at him before standing abruptly, grabbing your phone. "i'm going to the washroom."
if sunoo wasn't going to appreciate this properly, then some girl in the stall next to you will. sunoo hummed absently. "tell your boyfriend i said hi if he replies again."
"die."
you walked off before he could keep talking.
the hallways buzzed with students moving between lectures, conversations overlapping with the sound of footsteps and lockers shutting nearby.
your phone buzzed again and without looking up, you immediately started typing.
-
no, because at this point you're defending him like you want him carnally.
-
send.
you turned the corner toward the washroomsâand slammed directly into someone.
hard.
your shoulder collided with a solid chest and your phone nearly flew out of your hand.
"shitâ"
steady hands caught your arms before you stumbled backward. familiar hands. long fingers curling briefly around your sleeves.
your stomach dropped instantly, because of course.
of fucking COURSE.
park sunghoon looked down at you with mild surprise, dark hair slightly messy like he'd been running his hands through it all morning. a pair of headphones rested around his neck, black hoodie sleeves pushed to his forearms.
and unfortunatelyâunfairlyâhe looked really good today.
which immediately irritated you, because how dare he have a shit personality and look good while ruining your mood by just breathing in your vicinity.
sunghoon glanced at your death grip on your phone before meeting your eyes again, a small smirk playing on his pink plush lips.
"you should probably watch where you're going." his voice was calm, low and slightly amused.
you narrowed your eyes instantly. "maybe people would move if they weren't standing in the middle of hallways like decorative statues."
one corner of his mouth lifted slightly. there it was, that stupid almost-smile. you hated that stupid almost-smile.
sunghoon's gaze flicked downward briefly. to your phone screen which was still open to reddit. your heart stopped for half a second because the thread was visible. very visible. and at the top of the screen sat a fresh notification fromânotniceprince02 replied to your comment
sunghoon's eyes lingered on the notification then slowly lifted back to yours.
silence. your brain short-circuited instantly, no. absolutely not. there was no way. sunghoon looked at you for one long second before asking casually, "still fighting with strangers online?"
your entire body went still, just for a second. because there was absolutely no wayâno actual way.
sunghoon stood there holding your arm loosely, thumb brushing the fabric of your sleeve while your phone screen glowed between you both like evidence in a criminal investigation.
notniceprince02 replied to your comment.
your brain was buffering. loading. malfunctioning.
sunghoon's expression remained frustratingly neutral but there was something there. something subtle: amusement.
your eyes narrowed immediately. "why are you looking at my phone?"
smooth. good recovery. yup yup.
sunghoon let go of your arm slowly, way too slowly. "hard not to when you almost tackled me with it."
you scoffed, "you were standing in my way."
"you walked directly into me."
"semantics."
sunghoon hummed quietly as his gaze flicked toward your screen again and then back to you.
"so," he said lightly, "what stranger online managed to upset you this badly?"
your grip tightened around your phone instantly. absolutely not. you were NOT about to entertain sunoo's ridiculous theory.
"nobody."
sunghoon raised a brow, "you look homicidal."
"maybe that's just your effect on people." you retorted back almost automatically. you wonder if you've ever responded to sunghoon in a normal way.
that stupid almost-smile appeared again. small and annoyingly attractive. you hated it, like actually hated it.
sunghoon tilted his head slightly. "you know," he murmured, "you get strangely defensive whenever i ask simple questions."
your stomach flipped in irritation, strictly irritation. "and you get strangely nosy for someone who acts emotionally detached all the time."
his eyes held yours for a second longer than necessary, steady and focused. like he was trying to figure something out.
the hallway around you blurred into noise and somehow you were still standing there.
too close to him, way too close.
you noticed stupid things at the worst possible times, like the faint scent of his cologne or the tiny mole near his neck. or the fact that his hair fell into his eyes slightly when he looked down at you like this.
deeply irritating.
sunghoon's gaze flicked briefly toward your mouth before returning upward so quickly you almost thought you imagined it.
almost.
"what?" you snapped immediately. you could feel a small flush cover your cheeks and neck at the thought of sunghoon sneaking glances at your lips. maybe he thought you looked really slapable right now, or really kissable. it hurt your ego to think that either one of those things were deemed acceptable to you.
his brows lifted slightly. "nothing."
liar.
you narrowed your eyes harder. "you're being weird."
"you say that every time you don't know how to respond."
your jaw dropped at his audacity. "i always know how to respond."
"mhm."
that stupid calm tone again. you wanted to bite him. whichâbad wording. very bad wording.
sunghoon watched your expression shift in real time and something in his face changed slightly. like he noticed the exact moment your thoughts betrayed you.
horrifying. absolutely horrifying.
you recovered immediately, sort of. "why are you even talking to me right now?" you asked. "don't you have some freshmen discussion group to intellectually terrorize?"
sunghoon laughed quietly under his breathâactually laughed. and it caught you so off guard that you momentarily forgot to stay angry.
which made you angrier. "you're the one who ran into me."
"unfortunately."
"yet you're still standing here."
you opened your mouth then closed it. sunghoon noticed, of course he noticed. the only thing he doesn't seem to notice is his mouth opening and closing with cow noises spilling out during class.
the corner of his mouth twitched again. "that's new," he said softly.
"what is?"
"you being speechless." your face heated instantly, not because of him.
obviously.
you crossed your arms defensively. "you're unbelievably annoying."
"and yet," sunghoon said calmly, stepping slightly closer, "you keep talking to me."
your heartbeat stumbled. just once. which was unacceptable.
because now he was close enough that you could see every tiny detail in his expressionâthe faint curve of amusement in his eyes, the way his lips kept threatening to smile fully.
he looked way too pleased with himself. you hated that too. a group of students walked past nearby and one of them whispered: "there's no way they're not dating."
you whipped your head around instantly. "WE'RE NOTâ"
sunghoon's hand suddenly landed lightly against the wall beside your head. not trapping you, but enough to make your words catch awkwardly in your throat.
his expression remained perfectly calm which somehow made the gesture worse. "you're loud when you're flustered," he said quietly.
your brain short-circuited. flustered? FLUSTERED?
you stared at him in disbelief. "i am not flustered."
sunghoon hummed, completely unconvinced as he reached into his pocket to slip out his phone. your pulse was going insane now for reasons you refused to examine.
thenâyour phone buzzed loudly between you both.
the notification lit up the screen and your head snapped down, unlocking your phone to see something that only made your heart drop to your gut.
-
notniceprince02:
"you still haven't answered my question."
-
silence.
sunghoon looked down at the notification then slowly back up at you. and this timeâthis time he smiled properly.
small. sharp. dangerous.
your stomach dropped straight to hell. because suddenlyâsuddenly you knew.
oh my god.
it WAS him.
your soul briefly left your body. there was no other explanation for the horrifying full-body shutdown you experienced standing there in the middle of the hallway.
because park sunghoon was smiling at you. actually smiling. not the tiny smug almost-smirk he usually wore during arguments.
a real smile. sharp at the edges. dangerously entertained. and your phone was still glowing between you both with the notification from: notniceprince02
oh my god. OH my god.
you stared at him, sunghoon stared back. this fucker was playing with you this entire time and he had the audacity to look calm, composed and completely evil all at the same time.
your voice came out accusing immediately. "you're insane." sunghoon's smile widened slightly. which honestly should've been illegal because why did he suddenly lookâno.
absolutely not.
"that's a strong reaction," he said mildly.
"you've been fighting with me online for like fourteen hours."
"thirteen, actually."
you blinked up at him, horrified.
sunghoon tilted his head slightly. "you stopped replying around three in the morning."
your jaw physically dropped. "YOU KEPT TRACK?"
"you type aggressively when you're tired."
you looked genuinely offended. "that is such a weird thing to notice."
"you notice weird things about me too."
silence. dangerous silence. because unfortunatelyâunfortunately he was right. and judging by the look on his face? he knew he was right too.
you recovered immediately or at least attempted to. "okay first of all," you started, pointing at him aggressively, "using a burner account to argue with me on reddit is psychotic behavior."
sunghoon crossed his arms loosely still way too relaxed. "you made an entire public post about me."
"i didn't SAY your name."
"you described me like a wanted criminal."
"because you're irritating."
"it was weirdly detailed."
your eye twitched. "you're unbelievable."
sunghoon leaned slightly closer, close enough that your stupid heart started acting weird again. "you wrote three paragraphs about my facial expressions."
heat crawled up your neck instantly. because in hindsightâmentioning the smirking might've been a mistake.
"that was for CONTEXT."
sunghoon hummed not buying it for a second. "right....right"
you hated how calm he sounded. like this entire situation entertained him more than anything else. which made sense, considering the man apparently spent his free time anonymously provoking you online.
actual freak behavior.
"and YOU," you shot back, "were defending yourself in the comments like a loser."
sunghoon's brows lifted. "i was defending myself because you compared me to a podcast for divorced men."
"because you talk like one."
"you literally accused me of wanting attention 'carnally.'" your face heated instantly, sunghoon looked way too pleased saying that out loud. "that was BEFORE i knew it was you."
"does that make it better?"
"a little."
his mouth twitched again. you wanted to throw him into traffic. respectfully.
sunghoon glanced down at your phone screen where the reddit thread was still open. hundreds of notifications flooded the post now. people were still replying, still arguing and still shipping you both for reasons you refused to acknowledge.
sunghoon read one of the comments over your shoulder, then laughed quietly. "someone said we have 'academic rivals to lovers tension.'"
you looked horrified, shooting him a quick glare before downvoting on the comment. "don't read those."
"why not?" he asked lightly. "they seem passionate about us."
"there is no 'us.'" you snapped back.
sunghoon's gaze flicked back to yours, steadyâfocused.
"you sure?"
your stomach dropped. hard. something about the way he said it felt unfairly intentional. like he knew exactly what he was doing now. whichâhe probably did.
you crossed your arms tighter, defensive. "you're enjoying this way too much."
"you started it."
"you kept replying."
"so did you."
"because i don't lose arguments."
sunghoon stepped closer again, just slightly. enough that your back nearly brushed the wall behind you.
"is that what this is?" he asked softly.
you frowned. "what."
"you needing to win." his voice had gotten quieter somehow, lower and suddenly the hallway noise around you felt distant again.
students walked past constantly but it barely registered.
because sunghoon was standing too close and looking at you like he'd figured something out.
you swallowed once, annoyed at yourself for even noticing. "obviously," you replied.
sunghoon watched you for another second. then, "i think you just like arguing with me."
you let out a disbelieving laugh immediately. "that is genuinely the dumbest thing you've ever said."
"is it?"
"yes."
"then why do you always look excited before you disagree with me?"
your mouth opened. closed. opened again. nothing came out. because that wasâthat was not the point. like fuck, you caught me i guess.
sunghoon noticed your silence instantly, of course he did. his expression shifted into something smugger and more dangerous. "there it is again."
"what."
"speechless."
you hated him, like actually hated him. especially because he looked so unfairly good right now standing there with messy dark hair and that stupid smug expression like he'd won something.
you narrowed your eyes. "you know what? maybe people only think you're smart because you say things confidently."
sunghoon leaned one shoulder casually against the wall beside you. completely cornering you now without actually touching you.
"maybe," he said calmly, "you only argue with me because i'm the only person who argues back."
your heartbeat betrayed you again. you stared at him, sunghoon stared back. thenâyour phone buzzed loudly again between you both.
another reddit notification, sunghoon glanced down before taking your phone into his own hands then read aloud: "'just kiss already and save us all the trouble.'"
you lunged for your phone instantly. "give me that."
sunghoon lifted it out of reach easily and your eyes widened. "park sunghoon."
he looked down at you with blatant amusement. "that's the first time you've said my full name without sounding homicidal."
"i AM homicidal."
"mhm."
you reached for your phone again, sunghoon caught your wrist lightly before you could grab it. everything stopped. your breath. your thoughts. your functioning nervous system.
his fingers wrapped loosely around your wrist, warm and firm. and suddenly you became painfully aware of how close he actually was.
sunghoon looked down briefly at where he was holding you and then back at your face. his expression changed slightly, less teasing and moreâdangerous.
your pulse went absolutely insane. then quietlyâway too quietlyâhe said, "you know... you're a lot less mean when you're flustered."
your brain completely stopped functioning. like genuinely. because park sunghoon was still holding your wrist, still standing way too close, still looking at you with that horribly calm expression while your pulse was actively trying to kill you.
and the worst part? he knew. you could tell he knew. his thumb shifted slightly against your wrist and your stomach flipped so violently it made you angry.
sunghoon's eyes flicked briefly to your mouth again. then back up, slowly and deliberately.
"you know," he murmured, "the comments might be onto something."
your brows furrowed instantly. "what comments."
his mouth twitched. "'just kiss already and save us all the trouble.'"
you stared at him in disbelief. "absolutely not."
"why not?"
"because i'd rather die."
sunghoon hummed thoughtfully. "dramatic."
"you make me dramatic." that slipped out before you could stop it, the silence was thick.
sunghoon's expression shifted almost imperceptibly. something darker settling beneath the amusement. your face heated instantly. great. excellent. love that for you.
you tried pulling your wrist back but he didn't let go. not fully, he just loosened his grip slightly. enough to remind you he could let go if he wanted to, but wasn't.
"you know what i think?" he asked quietly.
"i don't care."
"i think you enjoy this."
you scoffed immediately. "arguing with you is psychologically damaging."
"yet you keep doing it."
"because someone needs to humble you."
sunghoon smiled slowly, that smile should've come with a warning label. "you've been saying that for two years, i don't think you're making much progress, __."
your stomach twisted, you hated how softly he said it. like he'd been thinking about it too, absolutely disgusting.
you crossed your arms tighter, or tried to. hard to look intimidating when he still had your wrist trapped loosely in his hand. "you're weirdly obsessed with me for someone who acts emotionally detached all the time."
sunghoon tilted his head slightly. "says the girl who wrote a public essay about me." at this point the both of you were repeating yourselves for the nth time, none of you progressing anywhere.
"because you're irritating."
"and handsome?"
you nearly choked. "WHEN did i say that?"
"you didn't have to."
you looked genuinely appalled, sunghoon laughed quietly under his breath. the sound went straight through you in the most irritating way imaginable.
you hated that too, everything about him irritated you. his stupid voice, his stupid face, his stupidly long fingers still wrapped around your wrist.
"you're insufferable."
"you like that word."
"because it applies to you constantly." you say sweetly, batting your eyelashes in the most dramatic way you could possibly pull off.
sunghoon leaned closer, close enough that your back finally brushed against the wall behind you.
you swallowed hard, annoyed. deeply annoyed.
"you know," he said softly, "for someone who claims to hate me, you stare at me a lot."
your jaw dropped. "you stare at ME."
"because you're loud."
"and you're annoying."
"yet here we are."
your heart was beating so hard you were convinced he could hear it. which was humiliating, especially because he looked entirely unaffected.
calm. steady. composed. which is what his heart monitor would read after you ran him over with your car. you wanted to ruin that composure so badly. sunghoon's gaze dropped to your mouth again, this time slower and less subtle. your breathing hitched involuntarily and that smug bastard noticed immediately.
his eyes darkened slightly. "there it is," he murmured.
"what."
"that look."
"what look?"
sunghoon smiled faintly. "the one you get before you start losing an argument."
you pushed against his shoulder instantly, hard. or at least hard enough to make a point but sunghoon barely moved. which only irritated you more. "i never lose."
"sure."
"i'm serious."
"mhm."
you glared at him, sunghoon stared back. then quietlyâ
way too calmlyâhe said, "maybe we should give people what they want."
your stomach dropped. "what."
his fingers tightened slightly around your wrist before he stepped closer again, completely boxing you in now.
"the comments seem very invested in us."
"there is no 'us.'" you repeated for the nth time.
"you keep saying that."
"because it's true."
sunghoon looked at you for one long second, then his voice dropped lower, dangerously soft. "then how about we start with the kiss?"
your brain short-circuited so violently you physically stopped breathing. "excuse me?"
sunghoon's expression remained infuriatingly calm. but his eyesâhis eyes looked anything but calm now. "you heard me."
heat exploded across your face instantly. "you are OUT of your mind."
"probably."
"i would never kiss you."
sunghoon leaned down slightly, close enough that his voice brushed against your skin. "you keep saying things your body language disagrees with."
your stomach flipped violently. you hated him, because he sounded so certain, so unfairly confident. you opened your mouth to argue again but footsteps echoed nearby and a group of students rounded the corner laughing loudly.
both of you glanced over instinctively, the moment broke slightly. just enough, except sunghoon didn't move away. instead, his gaze flicked briefly down the hall toward the nearby family washroom.
then back to you and your pulse spiked instantly. "sunghoonâ"
before you could finish, he tugged lightly on your wrist.
your breath caught as he pulled you forward down the hall.
"what are you DOING?"
sunghoon glanced back at you once, that same dangerous almost-smile pulling at his mouth.
"proving a point."
your stomach dropped straight to hell. your sneakers squeaked slightly against the floor as sunghoon pulled you down the hallway.
not fast enough to look suspicious, which somehow made it worse. his hand stayed wrapped around your wrist the entire timeâwarm, firm, steadyâlike he already knew you wouldn't actually pull away.
which was irritating, deeply irritating. "park sunghoonâ"
"you say my full name a lot when you're nervous."
"i'm not nervous." he glanced back at you briefly, that smug look again.
"sure."
you swore out his entire bloodline at this moment as your heart was currently beating like you'd just sprinted across campus. sunghoon stopped outside the family washroom and pushed the door open casually before looking back at you expectantly.
your eyes widened immediately. "oh my god."
"what?"
"you're insane."
"you've said that already."
"because you keep proving it."
sunghoon's mouth twitched then he gently tugged your wrist again. you should've walked away, seriously. you should've told him to go to hell and left immediately.
insteadâyou followed him inside. which honestly felt like a personal failure.
the door clicked shut behind you.
the washroom was too bright and too small. and now sunghoon was standing directly in front of you with nowhere to escape to, hoodie sleeves pushed up his forearms and dark hair slightly falling into his eyes.
you became painfully aware of every inch of space between you both, which unfortunately (fortunately) wasn't much.
your pulse went insane. sunghoon leaned back lightly against the sink counter, still watching you with that same unreadable expression. except now there was something sharper underneath it, something heated.
you crossed your arms immediately, defensive. "if you murder me in here i'm haunting you."
sunghoon laughed quietly, the sound bounced softly off the tiled walls. "you think i'd need to drag you into a bathroom to kill you?"
"probably not. you'd do it in a psychologically manipulative way."
"interesting that you've thought about it."
"i think about punching you constantly."
sunghoon hummed. "violent."
"you bring it out in me."
his gaze held yours for a second too long. then, "i know."
your stomach flipped, you hated how low his voice sounded in here. hated how every tiny expression felt amplified now that you were alone. you needed to regain control of this conversation immediately.
"so what exactly was your master plan here?" you asked. "corner me in a public washroom and continue being annoying?"
sunghoon tilted his head slightly. "you came willingly."
well, he got you there. "against my better judgment."
"yet still willingly."
you rolled your eyes aggressively. "you're obsessed with having the last word."
"that's rich coming from you."
"i'm right most of the time." sunghoon smiled slowly, there it was again. that stupid smile that made you irrationally aware of how attractive he was.
you hated that too, everything about him was annoying.
the way he stood, the way he talked. the way his hands and forearms looked resting against the sink behind himâokay.
you needed to stop thinking immediately. sunghoon noticed your brief lapse in concentration. his eyes narrowed slightly, amused.
"what happened?" he asked softly. "lost your train of thought?"
"i'm deciding how much jail time i'd get for assault." good cover up!
"probably less if you looked this cute during the mugshot."
your brain completely blue-screened, you stared at him.
sunghoon stared back. completely calm after saying the most insane thing imaginable.
"youâ" nothing, your thoughts evaporated.
sunghoon pushed off the sink slowly, one step closer.
then another. your back instinctively hit the door behind you.
oh my god.
"what?" he asked quietly. you swallowed hard, annoyed at yourself.
"you can't just say things like that."
"why not?"
"because it's weird."
"you're flustered again."
"I AM NOT FLUSTERED."
sunghoon looked down at you for a long second then his gaze flicked to your mouth again. slowly and deliberately. your stomach twisted so hard it physically hurt and you wondered what would happen if you just threw up your guts onto him. how pretty would he look with a bacon egg and cheese splashed onto him?
"you know," he murmured, "for someone who claims to hate me, you let me get very close to you."
"you cornered me." you snap.
"you could move." you opened your mouth then closed it. becauseâwell technically. he wasn't wrong. you absolutely could move, but instead you stayed exactly where you were.
sunghoon noticed immediately, that smug look returned. "there it is."
"stop saying that."
"then stop proving me right."
you glared at him, he stared back. neither of you moved.
the tension in the room felt ridiculous now. thick enough to choke on.
and the worst part? sunghoon still looked calm. slightly amused, even. like he was waiting for you to figure something out.
your phone buzzed loudly in your pocket. both of you glanced downward instinctively. another reddit notification, causing sunghoon laughed softly. "they're probably asking if we kissed yet."
your face heated instantly. "they're delusional."
"mhm."
"stop doing that."
"doing what?"
"looking at me like that."
his brows lifted slightly. "like what?"
you gestured vaguely, frustrated. "like you know something i don't."
sunghoon stepped closer again, barely any space left between you now. his voice dropped lower, quieter.
"maybe i do."
your breath caught, his hand lifted slowly toward your face. you froze up, completely. sunghoon's fingers brushed lightly against your jaw, gentle and careful.
somehow that made it worse. your heartbeat was so loud you were convinced the entire campus could hear it.
sunghoon looked at you for one long second. then quietlyâalmost teasingâhe murmured "still think you'd rather die than kiss me?"
your brain was screaming because park sunghoon's hand was on your jaw right now. his thumb resting lightly against your skin while he looked at you like this âcalm on the surface, but with something much more dangerous underneath.
and the worst part? you still hadn't moved away.
your back pressed against the door behind you as your pulse absolutely lost its mind. sunghoon waited patiently for an answer.
that smug bastard. "well?" he murmured softly. you swallowed hard. "you're very confident for someone who uses reddit burner accounts."
the corner of his mouth lifted immediately. there you were, finally talking again.
"deflecting already?"
"i'm not deflecting."
"mhm."
you hated that sound. hated how he kept looking at you like he could see directly through every thought in your head. because right now those thoughts were actively betraying you.
you were suddenly hyperaware of everything, the warmth of his hand, the faint scent of his cologne, the way his hoodie sleeves stretched around his forearms when he shifted closer.
deeply irritating. you narrowed your eyes, trying desperately to regain control of the situation.
"you know what your problem is?"
sunghoon hummed softly, looking down at you with an unreadable glint in his dark eyes. "you think everyone secretly likes you."
"not everyone."
his thumb brushed your jaw slightly as he spoke and your stomach flipped violently.
"just you."
your breath caught embarrassingly fast. sunghoon noticed instantly and his eyes darkened slightly. suddenly the teasing atmosphere shifted into something heavier, quieter.
you hated how good he was at this. "you're unbelievable," you muttered.
"you've said that too."
"because you keep acting insane."
sunghoon leaned down slightly, close enough now that his voice felt warm against your skin.
"you haven't told me to stop."
your brain short-circuited. becauseâbecause technicallyâyou hadn't. you opened your mouth immediately. "stop."
sunghoon smiled faintly, but didn't move. "that sounded forced."
you glared at him. "you're annoying."
"and yet you're still here." he kept doing that. kept pointing out things you didn't want to acknowledge.
like the fact that you could absolutely shove him away right now if you wanted to.
except you didn't, which felt like a massive personal failure. your phone buzzed again in your pocket making sunghoon laughed quietly under his breath. "persistent audience."
"they need hobbies."
"says the girl who argued with me online for thirteen hours."
"because you were WRONG."
"about what exactly?"
"everything."
sunghoon's brows lifted slightly. "including the part where you're obviously attracted to me?"
your jaw dropped. silence. violent silence. your entire nervous system shut down. "youâ"
nothing came out and sunghoon looked way too pleased with himself. "there it is again."
"if you say 'speechless' one more time i'm calling campus security."
he laughed again, soft and genuine. and it hit you in the chest in the most irritating way imaginable because you'd never heard him laugh like this before.
not during class, not during arguments. this was different, warmer, more relaxed. like he was actually enjoying himself.
you stared at him suspiciously, sunghoon noticed immediately. "what?"
"why are you smiling like that."
"like what?"
"like you're having fun." his gaze held yours for a second, then, "i am."
your stomach twisted again, it felt as if your body was actively betraying you . you looked away first this time, suddenly very interested in the tiled floor beneath you. sunghoon's hand shifted slightly, fingers brushing gently beneath your chin.
guiding your attention back to him and your heart nearly exploded.
"don't do that," you muttered weakly.
"do what?"
"that."
"very descriptive."
you glared at him, or attempted to. hard to look intimidating when your face was hot and your heartbeat sounded like a construction site.
sunghoon studied your expression quietly for a moment.
then smiled slightly, smaller this time and less teasing. "you know what i think?"
"i think you should stop thinking entirely." you spat out weakly.
"i think," he continued calmly ignoring what you just said, "you've spent two years picking fights with me because it's the only time you stop pretending not to care what i think."
your stomach dropped straight to hell you stared at him only to see him look at you with a look you were afraid to identify. and somehow that was worse than the teasing, because he sounded genuine now.
which felt unfair.
you recovered immediately through anger, your favorite defense mechanism.
"oh my god you are SO full of yourself."
"am i wrong?"
"yes."
"then why are you blushing?"
you slapped your hands over your face instantly, and sunghoon actually laughed. fully this time and the sound was so unexpectedly attractive it made you want to walk directly into traffic.
"stop laughing."
"you're cute when you're angry."
"you're making me angrier."
"i know." his voice softened slightly on the last two words, your hands slowly lowered from your face.
sunghoon was still standing impossibly close. still looking at you like he wanted to see what you'd do next.
your heartbeat wouldn't calm down and neither would your thoughts.
and then his gaze dropped to your mouth again, slowlyâintentionally.
your breath caught again and sunghoon noticed. again.
his hand slid lightly from your jaw to the side of your neck.
you completely stopped functioning. "sunghoon," you whispered, first name only this time. this was probably the first time in the two years you knew him that you had said his name with such softness.
something shifted in his expression immediately and his eyes darkened. his thumb pressed lightly against your neck.
"yeah?" he murmured.
oh.
oh this was bad.
his thumb pressed gently against the pulse hammering in your throat. that single point of contact felt like a live wire.
"yeah?" he murmured again, his voice dropping into a register you'd never heard, low and rough and utterly dismantling. you had no witty retort, no clever insult. your brain was static, every neuron firing toward the heat of his hand, the dark focus in his eyes.
he saw the surrender you hadn't even voiced. his other hand came up, fingers threading through your hair to cradle the back of your head, and then he was closing the last inch of space.
his mouth was on yours.
it wasn't tentative. it wasn't a question. it was a firm, smooth claim that stole the breath from your lungs and the strength from your knees. his lips moved against yours with a confident pressure that was instantly dizzying. he tasted like mint and something darker, something uniquely him.
a soft, surprised sound escaped you, swallowed immediately by his kiss. he angled your head, deepening it, his tongue sweeping past your lips to tangle with yours.
it was an argument you couldn't win, a debate settled with a devastating, sensual finality. your hands, which had been balled into fists at your sides, came up to clutch at the fabric of his hoodie.
he broke the kiss just long enough to whisper against your swollen lips, "finally." then he was moving again, his body pressing you firmly back against the cool door. you felt your heart pounding in your chest like you had ran a mile, his one word stealing the strength from your legs.
in one fluid, shockingly strong motion, he captured both your wrists in one of his large hands and pinned them above your head. you gasped, a thrill of helplessness shooting straight to your core. his other hand returned to your throat, not squeezing, just holding, a dominant, possessive weight.
"always so loud," he breathed, his lips trailing down your jaw. "so much to say." you could feel the hard, undeniable ridge of his dick pressing against your stomach through both your clothes. the evidence of his desire was a shockwave that made you whimper. he smirked against your skin. "what's wrong? no clever comeback?"
he leaned in again, but instead of kissing you, he hovered. his gaze locked on yours, dark and intense. then he gathered a bit of saliva on his tongue and let it fall, slow and deliberate, past his own lips and onto yours.
the warm, wet intimacy of it made your eyes flutter closed for a second. "open," he commanded softly. dazed, you did. he sealed his mouth over yours again, sharing the wetness, the kiss turning filthy and deep.
you drank him in, your earlier defiance melting into a desperate, aching need. you could feel your underwear stick to you uncomfortably, shifting slighting only to have sunghoon's large body pin you against the door harder. his bulge pushing into your stomach firmer, you could feel him grind against you.
he pulled back, his breathing slightly ragged, and began to mouth down the column of your throat. his teeth scraped lightly, then bit down, not hard enough to truly hurt, but enough to make you cry out and arch against him. he soothed the spot with his tongue before sucking hard, leaving a brand you knew would bloom purple.
he admired his work, then the dizzy, wrecked look on your face. "look at you. all that fire, reduced to this."
his free hand slid down, grabbing the hem of your shirt. "all those essays about my emotional incompetence," he said, tugging the fabric up. you shivered as cool air hit your stomach.
"all that time you spent thinking about me." the shirt went over your head, discarded somewhere on the floor. his eyes raked over your bra. "and for what? to end up here."
"you'reâyou're still insufferable," you managed to pant, even as you pressed your chest toward himâurging him to take it off.
"i know," he said, his fingers deftly finding the clasp of your bra. it came undone. "and you're still obsessed." the bra straps slid down your arms, still trapped in his grasp. he let go of your wrists just long enough to pull the garment away and toss it aside. immediately, his hand returned, clamping back down.
you used your momentary freedom to grab the bottom of his hoodie, pushing it up. he helped, releasing you to yank it and his shirt off in one impatient move.
then he was back on you, skin to searing skin. he was a biter, just as you'd imagined. his mouth latched onto the swell of your breast, teeth grazing your nipple before he sucked it deep.
you cried out, your head thumping back against the door. "if you can do it," you gasped, twisting to reach his shoulder with your mouth. you sank your teeth into the hard muscle there, a retaliatory claim. "then i can too."
"fuck." he groaned, the sound vibrating through your entire body. you think you just gushed and ruined your panties.
a competition of marks began. he left a trail of bruises and blooming red patches down your chest, over your ribs. you reciprocated on his neck, his collarbone, his pectoral, each bite earning a sharper gasp or a low, approving growl from him.
the pain was a bright, sharp pleasure, a physical manifestation of all your tangled, furious energy.
suddenly, he was pushing you down. a firm hand on your shoulder guided you to your knees on the cold tile.
you looked up at him, dazed. he loomed over you, his expression one of dark, predatory amusement. he undid his belt buckle, the click obscenely loud in the small room.
"i wonder," he mused, his voice thick, "how much shit you can talk with your mouth full of me."
he popped the button of his jeans, lowered the zipper. the outline of his cock straining against his boxers made your mouth water. "hands behind your back," he ordered.
you hesitated, glaring up at him. with a frustrated noise, you reached for his waistband. he caught your wrist instantly. "ah-ah." his other hand came up and delivered a firm, almost casual pat against your cheek. it wasn't a hard slap, but it was a stinging, dominant correction that made your eyes widen and your clit throb. "i said, no hands."
swallowing your pride, you leaned forward. you nuzzled against the fabric of his boxers, feeling the hard heat beneath. using your teeth, you caught the elastic waistband and tugged it down, revealing him.
he was thick and fully hard, the tip already glistening. you licked a slow stripe from base to tip, looking up at him through your lashes. his jaw tightened as you took him into your mouth, slowly, relishing the salty, clean taste of him, the way his hips gave a tiny, involuntary jerk.
he let you set the pace for a moment, his hands fisting in your hair. "that's it," he breathed, his composure fraying. "all that attitude... fucking gone." you hollowed your cheeks, taking him deeper, until he hit the back of your throat.
you relaxed, letting him slide further, tears pricking your eyes. the rhythm became faster, harder, driven by the soft, choked sounds he was making above you. his grip in your hair tightened, guiding you.
you could feel his hips shudder and his pace falter as he peered down to see his cock disappear in your mouth. he felt his chest swell just at the sight of you, eyes watering and face red.
"gonna cum," he warned, his voice ragged. you didn't pull away. with a sharp, guttural groan, he spilled hot and bitter over your tongue and across your chest, painting stripes over your skin.
he took a second to admire the mess he had made of you, your skin flushed a pretty pink with his cum coating you like icing on a cake.
he pulled you to your feet, his own legs seemingly unsteady. he pushed your pants and panties down in one rough motion, his fingers immediately finding your slick heat.
he pushed your soaked underwear aside, sliding two fingers through your folds. "so wet," he laughed, a dark, triumphant sound. he brought his glistening fingers to your lips. "and for me. after all that."
he turned you around, bending you over the sink. your reflection was a shockâflushed face, bruised lips, hair a mess, his marks covering your skin. he positioned himself behind you, one hand wrapping around your throat again, pulling you back against his chest. the other hand rubbed tight, demanding circles over your clit.
"look," he whispered harshly in your ear, nodding at the mirror. "look at how silly you look. falling apart on my fingers when just hours ago you were calling me a 'rejected sherlock holmes adaptation' on the internet."
the overstimulation was maddening. pleasure coiled tight in your belly.
"the comments... were idiots," you panted, even as you pushed back against his fingers trying to get him to slip them inside your needy weeping hole.
he chuckled, the sound vibrating against your back. "they saw right through you." he pushed a finger inside you, then another, curling them. you gasped, your knees buckling. "admit it. you wanted this every time you picked a fight."
"i wanted to win," you moaned, the words torn from you. he hooked his fingers in you, rubbing your gummy walls while his thumb continued to rub circles against your needy clit.
"you are winning," he breathed, nipping your earlobe. "look at you. you won my full, undivided attention." he removed his fingers, and you felt the blunt, hot pressure of his cock at your entrance.
he pushed in, slowly, inch by devastating inch, filling you completely. the stretch was divine. he held you there, both of you panting, watching in the mirror. he almost came at the sight of your fucked out face, his hands gripping your waist with pressure that would surely bruise.
he began to move, a slow, filthy grind that had you seeing stars. his hand on your throat kept you upright, the other hand sliding around to rub your clit in time with his thrusts. "beg for it," he murmured, his eyes locked on yours in the reflection. "beg me to let you cum."
you didn't answer, trying to avoid his gaze in the mirror only for a particularly rough thrust and his blunt nails digging into your face to swiftly put you back in your place.
"no," you gritted out, even as your body shook.
he spanked you once, hard, on the ass cheek. the sharp sting made you cry out and clench around him. "beg."
"sunghoonâ"
another spank. his fingers on your clit became relentless. you were so close, teetering on the edge, but he held you there, his thrusts measured and deep.
"you're so stubborn. just like online. all that typing." he punctuated each word with a thrust. "just. give. in."
the pleasure was a tidal wave, held back by his will alone. you were so overstimulated, so desperate, your pride the only thing left. he leaned forward, his mouth at your ear. "come on, sweetheart. let go. tell me you need it."
as much as it killed you to beg, it also killed you to not cum all over his stupidly thick cock. you could feel the coil in your stomach tighten up as you try to push yourself back to meet his strong and unrelenting thrusts.
sunghoon smirks when he notices your desperation, slowing down on purpose. "c'mon, sweetheart. you don't wanna cum f'me?"
the pet name, the raw need in his own voice, broke you. "please," you sobbed, the word barely audible. "please, sunghoon, let me cum."
"good girl," he purred, and his rhythm became punishing and his fingers began to rub punishingly against your swollen clit. "now."
the orgasm ripped through you, blinding and violent. you screamed, your body convulsing around him as he fucked you through it, his own groans joining yours.
you felt his warm cum flood your cunt as you twitched with the aftershocks of your high. he watched you fall apart in the mirror, his expression one of fierce, possessive satisfaction.
as your spasms began to subside, he slowed, still buried deep inside you. he was breathing heavily against your neck.
he planted soft kisses on your shoulder blade and neck, his dick still in youâtwitching. your body trembled slightly, refusing to look into the mirror because then you would see the aftermath of what sunghoon had done to you.
the silence afterward felt strange.
not awkward. not exactly.
just... different.
like something between you had shifted permanently and neither of you quite knew how to deal with it yet.
the fluorescent lights buzzed softly overhead while rain tapped faintly against the tiny washroom window. your heart still hadn't calmed down properly, which was deeply irritating considering park sunghoon looked entirely too composed standing in front of you when you had finally found your guts to look.
his dark hair was messy now, lips pink from kissing you. his body was covered in a thin layer of sweat that gave his pale skin a beautiful glow.
whichâyou immediately looked away.
absolutely not.
sunghoon noticed, of course. he noticed everything.
"you're quiet," he said softly.
you scoffed weakly, body twitching when you feel sunghoon grow hard in you. "this is emotionally traumatic for me."
the corner of his mouth lifted, that stupid almost-smile again. except now it looked softer somehow and less smug.
you attempted to move only for his body to keep you caged between the sink and him. you looked down for a moment to see his cum that had escaped from you dripping down your thigh, a shaky breath leaving your bruised lips.
"don't look at me like that."
"like what?"
"like you just won something, you didn't win shit."
sunghoon leaned back lightly against the door of the washroom eyes still fixed on you. "maybe i did."
your stomach flipped and you frowned immediately, just because you two fucked doesn't mean that you would admit defeat to sunghoon and his annoying antics. "you're so annoying."
"you keep saying that."
"because you keep being annoying."
sunghoon laughed quietly under his breath, shaking his head slightly. the sound hit you straight in the chest in the most irritating way imaginable.
silence settled again for a moment, except this time it didn't feel sharp or tense like your usual arguments.
it felt warm, which was arguably more terrifying.
your eyes narrowed suddenly. "sunoo is never letting me live this down."
sunghoon's smile widened immediately. "he already thought you liked me."
"he's delusional."
"mhm."
you pointed at him instantly. "stop doing that."
"doing what?" he snickers as he finally pulls out, a small whimper escaping your parted lips and sunghoon swears he could cum from that little sound alone.
"that fake calm thing."
"it's not fake."
"that somehow makes it worse."
sunghoon pushed himself off of you before turning you around so your back faced the mirror and stepped closer again.
not cornering you this time, just close enough that your pulse started acting stupid all over again. his gaze dropped briefly to your mouth, then your thighs that were trembling before returning to your eyes.
"so what now?" he asked quietly, his hands coming out to grab on to your hips.
you folded your arms tighter, defensive reflex.
"what do you mean."
"are you still gonna argue with me in class?"
you stared at him like that was the dumbest question ever asked.
"obviously."
sunghoon laughed softly. "figured."
"just because i fucked you doesn't mean your opinions suddenly got better."
"ouch."
"you still sound pretentious."
"and you still interrupt me constantly."
"because you're wrong constantly."
sunghoon shook his head, smiling now. his hand reaching down to push the cum that was trailing down your inner thigh back upârubbing your swollen cunt with his remnants.
you squeaked out at the feeling, grabbing a hold of his wrist as he watched you with a lazy smile. you hated how much better he looked when he smiled properly.
your phone buzzed loudly against the counter beside you.
then again and again.
you looked down at the endless reddit notifications flooding your screen and groaned dramatically.
"i genuinely hate everyone on that app." sunghoon glanced at your phone before looking back at you, his fingers leaving your cunt to rest back on your hips again much to your dismay.
amusement flickered across his face immediately. "they were pretty accurate though."
"don't start."
"'enemies to lovers' seemed popular."
"they're unemployed."
sunghoon laughed again and you stared at him suspiciously for a second, then narrowed your eyes. "you know this is all your fault."
"interesting argument."
"you replied first."
"you made the post first."
"because you're irritating."
"and yet here you are."
your face heated instantly, sunghoon noticed. his expression softened slightly after that, teasing fading into something quieter.
more careful, he looked at you for a long second close enough that your heartbeat immediately betrayed you again. then, with that same smug little smile returning to his mouth, he tilted his head slightly and murmured, "so."
you narrowed your eyes immediately. "so what."
sunghoon's gaze held yours, steady, amused and dangerously warm.
"do you still think i'm the asshole?"
â enjoy this fic? check out my other ones right here!
THE LAST THING YOU REMEMBERED WAS THE BLARING HORN, the sound of screeching tires, and a truckâs grille filling your entire world. Thenâ
ânothingâŠ?
You woke up to the pleasant smell of expensive linen and the feeling of your face pressed into a pillow softer than any cloud youâd ever imagined. Your head throbbed dully, and you groaned, pushing yourself up on elbows that felt strangely delicate, blinking against the morning light filtering through gigantic windows that showcased a city skyline you didnât recognize at all.
What the hell?
The room looked like something from a spread from a luxury magazine. A chaise lounge in dove grey sat in the corner, next to a vanity table littered with crystal perfume bottles and jewelry boxes spilling over with gold chains and diamonds that glittered even in the soft light. You swung your legs out of the bed, your feet sinking into a plush, cream-colored rug. You were wearing silk pajamasâsilk fucking pajamas!âa matching set in a blush pink that felt alien against your skin.
A full-length mirror stood opposite the bed. You stumbled toward it.
The reflection staring back was yours, and yetâit wasnât. Your face, but perfected, hair that you usually kept in a hurriedly-brushed ponytail fell in artful, salon-fresh waves. Even your skin was flawless, glowing with the kind of health that only comes from expensive facials and a complete lack of real-world stress.
âOkay,â you whispered to the stranger in the mirror. âOkay, breathe. This is a dream. It has to me. A very, very detailed dream brought on by that last glass of soju and that novel you stayed up way too late finishing.â
The novel. Melting the Cold CEOâS Heart. It was a trashy, addictive romance youâd read on a whim, and the male lead, Park Sunghoon, was cold, ruthless, and unfairly handsome, trapped in a business arrangementâan engagement with a shallow, gold-digging socialite named⊠your blood ran cold as you remembered.
Y/N.
Your namesake, and the villainess of the novel. The one who was pathologically obsessed with Sunghoonâs money and status, who made the female leadâs life miserable, and who was unceremoniously dumped when Sunghoon finally broke free of his familyâs shackles to be with his one true love, the sweet and humble wedding planner, Soojin.
You looked at the room around you. You looked at your perfect, manicured hands. You remembered the truck.
âOh, you have got to be kidding me,â you said, your voice echoing in the cavernous room.
Your old life, by comparison, had been pleasantly predictable. You worked a mid-level office job at a small logistics firm, a job you were competent at but which offered no real passion. Your days were a blur of spreadsheets, lukewarm coffee from the breakroom machine, and polite, surface-level conversations with colleagues youâd never see outside of work hours. Your apartment was a snug, lightly cluttered one-bedroom. Your social life was limited to your best friend, Abby, who you only got to see about once a month for dinner when she wasnât busy with her boyfriend, Heeseung. Weekends were for laundry, grocery shopping, and maybe a movie if you could muster the energy. It was fine, by all means. Safe. And, if you were being brutally honest with yourself in your most vulnerable moments, a little bit boring.
The thrill, the color, the feeling in your life came from elsewhere:
Webnovels.
They were your escape. During your lunch break, hunched over your phone at your desk. On the subway ride home, packed between strangers. Late at night, curled under your blankets with the screenâs glow the only light in the room. You devoured them. Regency romances, fantasy epics, modern-day dramas. You loved them all, but you had a particular, guilty fondness for the tropiest of the tropey: the cold, domineering male lead and the plucky heroine who thawed his heart.
You knew the formulas by heart. The accidental touch that sent sparks flying. The possessive glare across a crowded room. The misunderstanding that drove them apart for three agonizing chapters before the grand reconciliation. It was comfort food for your soul. In those pages, you could experience earth-shattering love without the risk of a broken heart.
Now, standing in this silent, opulent bedroom, the irony almost made you laugh. Youâd fantasized about being in a story like this a thousand times, butâyouâd always imagined yourself as the heroine, not the villainess slated for a spectacular downfall.
A soft knock at the door made you jump nearly a foot in the air.
âMiss Cha?â a polite, older womanâs voice called through the wood. âYour breakfast is ready. The car will be here in one hour to take you to Mr. Parkâs office for the wedding planning consultation.â
Wedding planning. You felt, suddenly, very awake. That was today. Chapter Four, if you recalled correctly. The first official meeting between Cha Y/N, Sunghoon, and the wedding planner, Lee Soojin. The scene where the villainess would size up her rival with thinly-veiled contempt, make snide remarks about her choice of clothing, and generally establish herself as the obstacle to Sunghoon and Soojinâs true love.
Your stomach churned. You couldnât do that. You physically couldnât. The thought of being cruel to some innocent woman just trying to do her job made you feel ill.
But what was the alternative? If you werenât the evil Cha Y/N, then who were you? A random office worker from another world, trapped in a fictional characterâs body. If you started acting completely out of character, what would happen? Would the universe correct itself? Would you be thrown into a mental institution? Would Sunghoonâs powerful family have you quietly disposed of for being an unpredictable variable in their business merger masquerading as a marriage?
Panic, sharp and acrid, rose in your throat. You gripped the edge of the vanity table, your knuckles turning white. Think, Y/N. You have to think.
The original Cha Y/Nâs fate was bankruptcy and social ruin after Sunghoon cut her off. Sheâd tried to fight it, to cling, to scheme, and it had only made her fall harder and more publicly.
So you had to survive. You couldnât be that person. You wouldnât. It was simple: do no harm, collect the checks, and get the hell out. Let Sunghoon and Soojin have their epic romance. Youâd take the alimony and live quietly on a beach somewhere, far from this world of cutthroat socialites and emotionally constipated CEOs.
It was a cowardâs plan, sure, but it was the only one that seemed to offer a path through this nightmare that didnât end with you being publicly eviscerated.
You took a deep, shuddering breath and looked at the reflection again. âOkay, Cha Y/N,â you said to her. âLetâs do this.â
An hour later, you were in the back of a sleek, silent sedan, watching the city blur past. Youâd chosen an outfit from the walk-in closet that felt the least like a costume and foregone most of the jewelry, wearing only small studs in your ears.
The driver held the door open for you in front of a towering glass skyscraper that seemed to pierce the clouds. The logo was etched into the side.
The lobby was cold and elegant, people in sharp suits moving with purpose across the vast marble floor, footsteps echoing everywhere. The receptionist, a woman with a smile as polished as the granite desk, took one look at you and nodded.
âMiss Cha. Mr. Park is expecting you. 67th floor, please.â She gestured to a private elevator whose doors were already sliding open.
The ride up was smooth and swift, and you watched the numbers climb, your heart doing a nervous tap-dance. The doors opened directly into a corner office.
The view was breathtaking, a panoramic sweep of the city and the river beyond. But the room itself was as cold as the man standing before the window, his back to you. He was tall, with broad shoulders tapering to a narrow waist, silhouetted against the bright sky. He wore a charcoal grey suit that looked like it had been tailored directly onto him.
âLooks like I am.â you managed, your own voice sounding too small.
He said nothing, just looked at you for a beat longer than was comfortable. Then he gestured with a faint tilt of his head toward a large meeting table off to the side. âSit. The planner will be here shortly.â
You walked to the table, hyper-aware of the click of your heels on the polished concrete floor. You sat in the chair heâd indicated, folding your hands in your lap to keep them from trembling. He didnât sit. He remained standing by the window, the picture of impatience and disinterest.
The silence stretched, and you studied the grain of the table, the way the sunlight caught the edge of a glass water pitcher. Anything to avoid looking at him.
Youâd read about his coldness, of course you had. Youâd found it thrilling in the abstract, a challenge for the heroine to overcome, but experiencing it firsthand was different. It was isolating. It made you feel invisible, inconsequential. You understood, with sudden, painful clarity, why the original Cha Y/N had become so obsessed with his wealth and status. If you couldnât have his warmth, youâd settle for the things his name could buy. It was a pathetic, hollow consolation prize, but it must have been something to hold onto.
Another soft knock at the door.
âEnter,â Sunghoon said, not moving from his post.
The door opened, and a woman stepped in. She was around your age, maybe a year or two younger. She wore a simple, professional cream-colored blouse and a black skirt. Her hair was pulled back in a neat, low ponytail. She carried a large portfolio and an iPad.
Lee Soojin.
Your pulse quickened. The female lead. The woman who, according to the plot, you were supposed to torment.
She bowed slightly. âMr. Park. Miss Cha. Thank you for having me. Iâm Lee Soojin, from Ever After Planning.â
She was exactly as described, warm and beautiful. She had a kind, fresh face, warm brown eyes, and a smile that seemed genuine, though right now, it was tinged with nervousness as her gaze darted between you and the imposing figure of Sunghoon. She clutched a large portfolio to her chest like a shield.
âPlease, come in,â Sunghoon said, and his voice was different, softer.
The meeting was awkward, to say the least. Soojin presented floral arrangements and color palettes, her voice occasionally trembling. You, desperate not to play the villain, said nothing except, âThat looks lovely,â or âWhatever you think is best, Miss Lee.â You kept your eyes on the swatches, avoiding Sunghoonâs probing stare. You could feel it on you, a laser of suspicion. The real Y/N would have been picky and dismissive, finding fault with everything to assert dominance.
Sunghoon, surprisingly, engaged. He asked practical questions about logistics, timelines, vendor reliability. His questions were sharp and intelligent. Soojin, after a few stumbling starts, began to answer with growing confidence, her passion for her work shining through. You saw the exact moment he noticed it: a slight tilt of his head, a fraction of a second where his gaze lingered on her animated face instead of the brochure.
There it is, you thought, a strange pang hitting you square in the chest. The beginning. The plan was working.
But then he turned that gaze on you. âYouâre not yourself today.â His tone was neutral, but the question in it was clear: Whatâs your deal?
You met his eyes for the first time that day. âWell,â you said, your voice quieter than you intended. âMs. Lee seems very competent. I just trust her expertise.â
He stared at you again, then gave a curt nod, turning back to Soojin, and the rest of the meeting passed in a blur.
THE MONTHS THAT FOLLOWED WERE A BIZARRE SORT OF DANCE. You attended obligatory social events on Sunghoonâs arm, fit the role of a silent, smiling accessory perfectly. You learned the rules of this world: who to nod to, who to ignore, which fork and knife to use where and why. And through it all, you were forced into proximity with Park Sunghoon.
At first, it was nothing but ice. Silent car rides, silent meals. You didnât think there was ever a way to hold a conversation with Park Sunghoon. But survival instinct was a powerful thing when it kicked in, and the more nervous you got, the more your immediate instinct to be yourself began to show, especially once you moved in together.
The incident that started the thaw was, of all things, congee.
It was three weeks in. A late-night business dinner had left Sunghoon looking paler than usual, the sharp lines of his face drawn tight. Youâd heard him return, the quiet click of the door, then nothing. An hour later, a faint, pained sound from the kitchen. You found him leaning against the island, one hand pressed to his stomach, staring into the empty fridge with blank eyes.
âStomach ache?â youâd asked, hovering in the doorway.
Heâd just grunted in response.
The real Y/N would have called for a maid, despite the ungodly hour. You, on the other hand, having grown up middle-class, were a veteran of questionable street food and late-night stress-eating, so you simply nudged him aside with your hip and rummaged through the pantry. âSit,â you said, your tone brooking no argument. âYouâre blocking the rice.â
Heâd watched, silent and wary, as you boiled the rice into a soft mush, shredding the leftover roast chicken from yesterdayâs dinner and adding slivers of ginger. The kitchen filled with a warm savory scent, and when you slid the bowl across the island to him, he looked at it like it was a foreign artefact.
âItâs just congee,â you said, suddenly self-conscious. âMy mom used to make it when I was sick.â
He took a cautious spoonful. Then another. You had never cooked for someone before, but seeing the almost imperceptible relaxation of his shoulders, the way the tension drained out of his body, made you realize why your mother had loved it so much. When he was done, he placed the spoon neatly in the empty bowl and met your eyes. âIt was nice. Thank you.â
Youâd snorted. âHigh praise, coming from you.â
A brief flicker of a smile touched his lips. âDonât let it go to your head.â
That was the crack in the ice, and after that, indifference became harder to maintain. The silent car rides began to fill with your commentary on the city passing by, or his dry observations about the people youâd just met at some function. Once, you found him one evening in the library, staring blankly at a contract, his tie loose. Youâd placed a cup of tea next to his elbow without a word. Heâd looked up, surprised, then nodded in thanks. Another time, youâd gotten locked out on the massive balcony during a sudden rain shower. Heâd found you, drenched and laughing, and instead of chastising you, heâd handed you a towel with a shake of his head, a genuine, if exasperated, smile on his face. âOnly you,â heâd muttered.
Then came the charity gala for the Seoul Arts Foundation. It was a stuffy, black-tie affair, and the champagne was flowing too freely. You, nervous under the scrutiny of a hundred socialites who knew the real Cha Y/N, drank more than you should have. Sunghoon, for reasons unknown, matched you glass for glass.
It was no surprise that the car ride home, inevitably, was filled with giddiness. You were slumped in the backseat, giggling at nothing, the city lights streaking past the window like liquid silver. He was beside you, his posture less rigid, a soft, unfocused smile on his face as he watched you.
âYouâre different,â he said suddenly, his voice a low rumble in the dark car.
âAm I?â you hiccupped, turning to him. His face was so close. The sharp angles were softened in the shadows.
âMm. Before. You were so⊠loud. Demanding. Everything wasâall about money for you.â He reached out, his finger hovering near your temple, not touching. âBut nowâŠâ
âMaybe I just grew up,â you offered, the lie tasting bitter.
He shook his head slowly, his eyes searching yours with an unnerving intensity. âNo. Itâs not that. Itâs like youâre a completely different person.â He leaned closer, his breath warm and faintly sweet with champagne. âWho are you?â
Your heart hammered in your chest. The truth was a wild, desperate thing clawing at your throat. In your tipsy state, it slipped out, covered up in a joke. âMaybe Iâm from a different universe,â you whispered, a playful, dizzy smile on your lips. âOne where Iâm not a horrible person.â
He stared at you. Then, to your utter astonishment, his lower lip pushed out in the faintest, most fleeting pout. You had never seen an expression so disarmingly childish and vulnerable on his face, but it was gone in a second, replaced by a slight scowl. âStop messing with me,â he murmured, but there was no heat in it. He leaned back against the seat, closing his eyes, a small sigh escaping him.
The hangover the next morning was brutal, but at least it was a shared misery. You found him in the kitchen, grimacing over a glass of water, still in his rumpled dress shirt from the night before. You wordlessly made tea, and when you handed him a mug, your fingers brushed. He didnât pull away.
Then you got sick.
It was a brutal flu, a personal betrayal from your own immune system. One day you were fine, the next, you were a shivering, aching heap buried under the duvet in your room. The maids fluttered in and out with tea and towels, but the apartment felt cold.
You drifted in a feverish haze, only semi-aware of the passage of time. But thenâ
You heard the firm, quiet tread of leather soles on parquet. The room darkened as a tall silhouette blocked the light from the hallway.
Sunghoon stood there, still in his work suit, his tie slightly loosened.
âThe staff said you havenât eaten,â he stated, his voice softer than usual.
âCanât,â you croaked, turning your head into the pillow. âEverything hurts.â
You heard him set something down on the bedside tableâa small tray. Then, to your shock, you felt the bed dip near your hip as he sat on the very edge of the mattress. You kept your eyes closed, pretending to be asleep, your heart hammering a frantic rhythm that had nothing to do with fever.
For a long, long while, all you could hear was your congested breathing. Then, a touch. Light, hesitant. Fingertips, surprisingly cool, brushing the sweat-dampened hair back from your forehead. The gesture was so tender, so utterly at odds with the Park Sunghoon you knew, that your breath hitched. His fingers stilled for a second, thinking heâd woken you. When you didnât move, they continued, tucking the hair gently behind your ear.
He didnât say a word. He just sat there, his hand eventually coming to rest, palm down, on the duvet beside your shoulder. Then, after what felt like an eternity, he stood up. You heard the faint clink of a spoon against ceramic. âThereâs broth here when you can manage it,â he murmured.
He worked from the armchair next to your bed that day, the quiet tap of his laptop keys a strangely comforting sound. Heâd glance over every so often, refilling your water glass without being asked. It was the most mundane kind of care, but it made your heart squeeze. No one in this glittering, fake world had taken care of you like that. It felt more intimate than any kiss the novel had described between him and Soojin.
Life settled into a strange, peaceful rhythm that was nothing like the plot you remembered. You werenât friends, not exactly. But you were⊠something. Allies due to the nature of your situation, perhaps. Your conversations became longer. You discovered he had a dry, wicked sense of humor that only emerged when he was truly relaxed. You learned he hated mint chocolate and loved coffee-flavored ice-cream. And then, one evening, you were in his study, looking for a book heâd said was in there. Your fingers trailed over the spines on a high shelf when you knocked a small, ornate wooden box to the floor. It sprung open, spilling its contents: not jewelry or documents, but a handful of old, laminated badges and a single, well-worn ice skate blade guard.
Curious, you picked up a badge. Seoul Junior Figure Skating Championship, 1st Place, Park Sunghoon, Age 12. Another: National Youth Competition, Finalist. There were photos, too. A young boy with solemn eyes and a shock of dark hair, poised on the ice, his arms outstretched. The resemblance was unmistakable.
You were staring at a photo of him, gap-toothed, holding a trophy with a rare, bright, unguarded smile, when his voice came from the doorway.
âWhat are you doing?â
You jumped, the photo fluttering from your hand. He was leaning against the doorframe, his expression closed off, but you saw the flicker of somethingâembarrassment? pain?âin his eyes before the shutters came down.
âIâm sorry,â you said quickly, gathering the items with clumsy hands. âI knocked the box over. I didnât mean to pry.â You held up one of the badges. âYou were a figure skater?â
He walked in, taking the badge from your fingers. He looked at it for a long moment, his thumb tracing the raised lettering. âIt was a long time ago.â
âWhy did you stop?â The question was out before you could stop it.
He didnât answer immediately. He carefully placed the badge back in the box, his movements precise. âMy father,â he said finally, his voice flat. âHe decided it was a frivolous pursuit for the heir of Park Holdings. That it wouldnât build the ruthlessness required for business.â A humorless twist of his lips. âI suppose he was right, in a way.â
The sadness in his tone made you inexplicably upset. You thought of the cold, ruthless CEO youâd read about, the one who only melted for one person. You were seeing the fossil of the boy who had been melted down and reforged into that man.
On an impulse you didnât fully understand, you spoke. âWhen was the last time you were on the ice?â
He looked at you, startled. âI donât know. Over ten years?â
âWe should go.â
He blinked. âWhat?â
âIce skating. We should go. Thereâs that new private rink at your country club. We could rent it out. No one would have to know.â
He stared at you as if youâd suggested flying to the moon. âThatâs absurd.â
âIs it?â You pressed, a sudden boldness rising in you. âYou loved it once. Donât you ever⊠you know, miss it? Just the feeling of it?â
A muscle twitched in his jaw. He looked from your face to the open box, to the photo of his younger, smiling self. The conflict in his eyes was a war you could almost see play out in front of you. Finally, he let out a slow breath. âThatâs a pointless thing to do.â
But he didnât say no.
Two days later, his assistant quietly booked the rink for a private two-hour session at midnight. He didnât mention it to you. You only found out when a note, written in his sharp, elegant script, was left on the kitchen island next to your keys: 8 PM. Dress warm.
An hour later, you were in the empty rink, feeling utterly ridiculous in brand-new thermals. Sunghoon was already laced up, moving with a natural grace as he carved a slow circle on the pristine ice. He made it look effortless. You, on the other hand, sat on the bench, fumbling with the laces. Your fingers felt thick and clumsy. After a minute of struggle, you felt the bench dip beside you. He didnât ask. He just took the skate from your hands, his fingers brushing yours.
âYou have to tie them tightly. Ankle support is everything.â
He bent his head, his dark hair falling slightly over his forehead as he began to lace the boot for you, his movements sure and careful. You watched, mesmerized by the sight of Park Sunghoonâs elegant, powerful hands, the ones that signed countless deals, meticulously tying a double knot for you. It felt impossibly tender. Then he did the same with the other foot, his knuckles accidentally brushing the sensitive skin of your ankle. A shiver that had nothing to do with the cold raced up your spine.
âThere,â he said, looking up and meeting your eyes. âNow, stand up. Slowly.â
You did, taking one wobbly step onto the surface, and immediately felt your legs betray you. You windmilled your arms, a squeak escaping your throat.
âCareful, careful,â A strong hand closed around your elbow, steadying you. âBend your knees. Not at the waist.â
âEasy for you to say,â you grumbled, but you bent your knees. His hand stayed on your arm, a firm, warm anchor.
âNow, glide. Donât step.â
You pushed off, lurching forward. He moved with you, a silent, steady presence at your side. For the first ten minutes, it was a comedy of errors. You wobbled, you slipped, you clutched at his forearm with a grip that probably cut off his circulation. And through it all, he was patient. Surprisingly, infuriatingly patient.
âYouâre thinking too much,â he said, a hint of amusement in his voice as you stared at your feet in concentration.
âIâm thinking about not concussing myself on this ice!â
âLook at me. Not at your feet.â
You dragged your gaze up to his face. In the cool, bright light of the rink, he looked younger. The usual severity in his expression was softened.
âBetter,â he said. âNow, just move with me.â
He took your hands in his, skating backwards and pulling you along. It was terrifying and thrilling. The world narrowed to the sound of blades on ice, the puff of your breath in the cold air, and the solid, reliable grip of his hands. You started to find a shaky rhythm.
âSee?â he said, and you realized he was smiling. A real, proper smile that reached his eyes and made them crinkle at the corners. It transformed his face completely. Your heart did a funny little stutter that had nothing to do with skating.
âDonât let me fall,â you said, the words coming out in a soft, breathless rush.
His grip tightened almost imperceptibly. He never looked away from your eyes. âI wonât.â
He guided you around the rink until your legs burned and your cheeks were numb with cold and laughter. Then, he demonstrated a simple spin, a blur of controlled motion that left you gaping. When he stopped, perfectly centered, he was breathing slightly harder, his face flushed.
He looked alive.
âShow-off,â you called, pushing off the wall to glide clumsily toward him.
He caught you easily when you overbalanced, his hands coming to rest on your hips to steady you. You were suddenly, acutely aware of the closeness. The heat of his body through the layers of clothing. The way his thumbs were pressing just above the waistband of your leggings. His face was inches from yours, his breath warm against your cold skin. His eyes were dark and searching.
You looked up at him, your own laughter dying in your throat. The rink was silent except for the hum of the chillers. For a heartbeat that felt like forever, neither of you moved. You could see the faint scar on his brow, the dark fringe of his lashes, the part of his lips as he breathed.
Then, a distant door clanged. The spell broke. He released your hips, his hands falling back to his sides as he took a small half-step back. âYouâre getting the hang of it,â he said, his voice returning to its usual register, though it was a shade rougher and, if you listened hard enough, breathier.
All the way home, you replayed the moment at the rink over and over, the feel of his hands on you. It sparked a low, restless heat in your belly that was becoming frustratingly familiar.
That very heat continued to follow you, and it was driving you crazy. In the mornings, when heâd emerge from his bathroom, a towel slung low on his hips, his hair damp, his torso a landscape of lean muscle and faint scars you itched to trace. Youâd mutter a good morning and flee to the kitchen, your face hot. Once, you came out of your room in just a thin camisole and pajamas to get water, forgetting he was working late at the dining table. The look he gave youâa slow, sweeping gaze that felt like a physical touchâhad you scurrying back to your room, your skin prickling with awareness. Youâd lie in your bed, in the dark, and imagine him in his room just down the hall. Was he asleep? Reading? Thinking about the company? Thinking about⊠you? Your mind would wander, unbidden, to the feel of his hands on your waist at the rink. To the solid heat of him when youâd stumbled against his chest. To the way his sweatpants hung on his hips. And then a slow, aching warmth would pool low in your belly, and youâd press your thighs together, frustrated and aroused in equal measure.
A WEEK LATER, SUNGHOON INFORMED YOU, OVER A BREAKFAST OF PERFECTLY POACHED EGGS, THAT YOU WOULD BE MEETING HIS FRIENDS.
âFriends?â youâd echoed, nearly choking on your toast. The novelâs Sunghoon had only business associates, rivals, and sycophants. Friends were never part of it.
âYes,â he said, not looking up from his tablet. âPark Jongseong and Shim Jaeyun. Theyâre very insistent. They want to meet you badly.â He said it dryly, but you caught the slightest tension in his shoulders. âItâs a dinner on Friday, at Jayâs.â
Friday arrived, and with it, a low-cut dress that felt both too much and not enough. Sunghoon was silent in the elevator ride up, his profile sharp in the dim light. But when the doors opened into a sprawling, modern loft filled with the smell of gourmet food and the sound of jazz, his posture shifted. He placed a light, guiding hand on the small of your back.
âSunghoon! You made it!â A man with a charming, lopsided grin and artfully messy hair bounded over, pulling Sunghoon into a brief, back-slapping hug. Jake, you guessed. His eyes, warm and curious, immediately landed on you. âAnd you must be the infamous Y/N.â He winked.
Another man approached, slightly taller, with a more composed elegance but a friendly glint in his eye. Jay, of course. He shook your hand firmly. âA pleasure. Come in, make yourself at home.â
The evening was nothing like the functions youâd gotten used to over the last few months, and you found that your initial nervousness bled away easily. Jay was dry and witty, Jake was sweet and genuinely funny. They teased Sunghoon mercilessly about anything and everything, and to your astonishment, he took it. He even smiled a real, relaxed smile that made your heart do that stupid little flip again.
He had turned quiet, observing from his seat on the plush sofa, a glass of whiskey cradled in his hand. At first, you thought he was just back to being his usual reserved self. But as the night wore on and your laughter grew more frequent, you began to feel itâa tension emanating from him. When Jake leaned in to refill your wine glass, his hand brushing yours as he pointed to a particular album cover on the shelf, you felt Sunghoonâs gaze on you like a hand.
A few minutes later, when you got up to admire the view of the rolling countryside from the windows, Jake followed, standing close beside you to point things out. âThere,â he said, his shoulder almost touching yours, âthatâs where Sunghoon and I got hopelessly lost on a school trip. He was too stubborn to ask for directions. We nearly froze to death.â
You laughed, turning to him. âI can picture that.â
âPicture what?â
Sunghoonâs voice was quiet, right behind you. You hadnât heard him approach. He slid between you and Jake with a smooth, deliberate movement. His arm came around your waist, his hand settling on your hip, pulling you back against him.
âJust reminiscing about your navigational failures,â Jake said, his grin not fading, but his eyes flicking between Sunghoonâs face and the hand on your waist.
âMm,â Sunghoon murmured, his breath stirring the hair near your ear. His thumb moved, a slow, unconscious stroke against your dress. âDonât believe a word he says. He was the one who dropped our map in the mud and got us lost in the first place.â
Despite the conversation not dying out, Sunghoon kept you anchored to his side, his fingers splayed on your hip, the warmth of his chest against your shoulder. Sunghoonâs interjections became more frequent in your interactions with Jay and Jake, his dry remarks steering the conversation away from anything that involved you and his friends directly interacting.
You couldn't say you didnât expect that the journey back would be shrouded in a heavy silence. Sunghoon stared out the window, his jaw tight.
âDid you have a good time?â he finally asked, his voice devoid of inflection.
âI did,â you said carefully. âTheyâre lovely.â
âThey seemed to think the same of you.â The words were clipped.
You turned to look at his profile. âIs that a problem?â
He didnât answer. He just kept looking out at the passing lights, the muscle in his jaw working. The possessiveness heâd shown at the penthouse was gone, replaced by this cold, withdrawn sulk. It was so childish, and so utterly at odds with the man in the novel, who wouldnât have batted an eye if the original Y/N had flirted with an entire football team. Heâd found her disgusting, but he hadnât cared. Heâd been indifferent.
This wasnât indifference.
The realization sent a dangerous thrill through you, followed immediately by a wave of guilt. You were messing with the script, and you had no idea what the new plot was.
Back at home, he headed straight for his study without a word. You stood in the grand living room, feeling unmoored. The heat from his touch still lingered on your skin, but the silent treatment felt worse than any cold remark. You took a deep breath and followed him.
He was standing by the window, a dark silhouette against the cityâs glitter.
âSunghoon.â
He didnât turn.
You walked closer, your heels silent on the rug. âAre you angry with me?â
âNo.â The word was short, final.
âYou seem like it.â
He finally turned. In the dim light from the window, his expression was unreadable. âIâm not angry. I just donât appreciate yourâŠâ he pretended to think. âActing.â
âActing?â
âThe laughing. The leaning in. The wide-eyed interest in everything they said.â His tone was low, edged with something you couldnât understand. âIt was a bit much, donât you think?â
A flash of irritation burst through you. âI was being polite. And for your information, I was genuinely interested. Theyâre good people, it was a normal conversation.â
âIt didnât look normal from where I was sitting.â He took a step closer. The air between you crackled. âLooked like you were enjoying their attention a little too much.â
You closed the remaining distance between you, stopping just an armâs length away. You looked up at him, at the storm in his gray eyes. âSunghoon,â you said, your voice tender. âTheyâre your friends. I was nice to them because theyâre important to you. Thatâs all.â
But if anything, your softness seemed to make it worse.
A low, frustrated sound escaped him. He finally turned, but not to look at you. His gaze swept over his desk, the neat stacks of papers, as if searching for an escape. âThatâs not the point,â he said, his voice clipped and cold.
The aching in your chest curdled into a sharp spike of annoyance. Youâd spent the entire evening navigating his unpredictable moods, from his possessive display at Jayâs to this petulant silence. Youâd offered an olive branch, and he was swatting it away.
âThen what is the point, Sunghoon?â you asked, the calm in your voice beginning to fray. âBecause from where Iâm standing, you invited me to meet the only people in your life who seem to actually like you, I had a genuinely pleasant conversation with them, and now youâre treating me like Iâve committed some kind of crime. So, please, enlighten me. What exactly did I do wrong? Was my laugh too loud? Were my interests too provocative?â
He flinched, just a tiny tightening around his eyes, but it was enough. He looked at you then, and the storm in his brown eyes was now a cold front. âYou know exactly what youâre doing,â he said, the accusation falling like a blade. âYou have thisââ he ran his hands through his hair. âThis way. You turn it on and off. For the press, for my employees, for my friends. That wide-eyed fascination. That laugh that makes men feel like theyâre the wittiest person in the world. Itâs an act. And a very convincing one, apparently.â
The accusation was so absurd, so wildly off-base, that for a second you were speechless. He was describing the original Y/N. Not you. Youâd forgotten to act tonight.
That was the whole problem.
Your own frustration boiled over. âYou are impossible, Sunghoon,â you stated, the words leaving your lips before you could temper them. âAnd youâre not even making sense. Youâre jealous of your own friends for having a regular conversation with me. Do you hear yourself?â
You didnât wait for an answer. The conversation was going in circles, spiraling into a void where his logic couldnât follow. The warmth of the evening, the feeling of connection with Jake and Jay, the heat of his hand on your hipâit was all being poisoned by this stubborn, childish sulk. You were tired. The emotional whiplash was exhausting.
âYou know what? Forget it,â you said, turning on your heel. The silk of your dress whispered against your legs as you strode toward the study door. âIâm going to bed. You can stand here and brood at the skyline all night for all I care.â
You reached for the polished brass handle, your fingers closing around the cool metal. You pulled.
The door didnât budge.
A large, warm hand was splayed flat against the dark wood, just above your head, holding it shut. You hadnât heard him move, but he was right there behind you, his body warm. The scent of his cologne enveloped you. You froze, your breath catching in your throat.
âWait.â
His voice was close, right by your ear. It had lost its icy edge. Now it was just rough, scraped raw.
You didnât turn. You stared at the grain of the wood, at his long fingers pressed white-knuckled against it. âLet me go, Sunghoon.â
âI said wait.â The hand on the door slid down, his arm now caging you in, his chest not quite touching your back but you could feel the heat of him through the thin layers of your dress and his shirt. âJustâplease. Wait a moment.â
The fight drained out of you, replaced by a shaky, breathless awareness. You leaned your forehead lightly against the door, closing your eyes. âWhy?â
A long pause. You could hear his breathing, slightly uneven. âBecause youâre right,â he said, the words so quiet you almost didnât hear them. âIâm being impossible.â
You blinked, your eyes still closed.
Huh?
He continued, the words coming out in a reluctant, stilted rush, as if being forced past a great internal resistance. âIt wasnât an act. I could see that. Tonight. With them.â He took a deep breath, his chest expanding behind you. âYou wereâyourself. And they liked you. Jake was practically hanging on your every word about that absurd painting with the floating clocks.â
âDali,â you murmured automatically.
âYes, Dali.â he echoed. He shifted, his arm brushing against yours, sending a shiver down your spine. âThe point isâŠâ he cleared his throat. âIâm not used to it.â
âTo caring if they do,â he admitted. âTo watching it happen and feeling like IâŠâ He trailed off. âItâs unfamiliar. And I handled it poorly. I apologize.â
The formal, stiff apology was so like him, yet the vulnerability laced through it was entirely new. The annoyance melted away, leaving that strange, aching tenderness in its place.
You finally turned, slowly, under the arch of his arm. You had to tilt your head back to look at him. In the dim light, his handsome face was all sharp angles and shadow, but his eyes⊠they held a turmoil youâd never seen before.
âYou were jealous,â you said, not as an accusation, but as a simple, gentle observation.
He held your gaze for a long moment, then looked away, his jaw working. A faint, almost imperceptible flush touched the high points of his cheeks. âI was. It was⊠illogical.â
âA little,â you agreed, a small smile touching your lips. âTheyâre your best friends. Jake looks at you like you hung the moon. Jay clearly adores you. They were just being kind to me because Iâm with you.â
He looked back at you, searching your face. âYouâre not upset?â
âI was annoyed,â you said honestly. âBecause you were being a grumpy, silent statue and it was confusing. But Iâm not upset.â You reached up, tentatively, and placed a hand lightly on his chest, over his sternum. You could feel the steady, strong beat of his heart beneath your palm. âItâs okay to feel things, Sunghoon. Even if theyâre messy and confusing and donât make sense.â
He stared down at your hand on his chest, then his gaze lifted to yours. His brows were knitted upwards. âI donât know how to do this,â he said, the words so quiet they were almost swallowed by the room.
âDo what?â
âAny of it.â The admission seemed to unlock something. The words started to tumble out, low and rushed. âThis. Having someone here. Someone whoâwho argues with me and really listens to me and doesnât look at my friends as potential social climbing opportunities. Someone who gets annoyed when Iâm being an ass instead of just simpering. And then seeing you with them, so natural, so easy⊠it felt like you fit. You fit into a part of my life that has nothing to do with mergers or board meetings. And I didnât know what to do with that. I still donât. Itâsâwell, itâs kind of unsettling. Itâs ridiculous. I know itâs ridiculous. Jay would laugh himself sick if he knew. Heâs probably already guessed. Heâs annoyingly perceptive about these things. Which is another problem, because now Iâll have to hear about it for weeks, and heâll make some comment about me being emotionally stunted, which is technically accurate but still rude to point out, especially when Iâm the one usually paying for his overpriced whiskeyââ
He was rambling. Park Sunghoon, the master of terse, cutting remarks, was rambling.
You let out a breathy, incredulous little giggle.
He stopped mid-sentence, his brows drawing together again. âWhat?â
You shook your head, your smile widening. âNothing. Itâs just⊠youâre cute when youâre flustered.â
He blinked. Cute. You were certain no one had ever used that word to describe Park Sunghoon in his entire life. A series of emotions flickered across his face: disbelief, offense, and then a dawning, bewildered wonder. The faint blush on his cheeks deepened.
âI am not,â he stated, but the protest sounded almost petulant.
He stared at you, utterly disarmed. The hand that wasnât braced against the door came up, hesitated, then gently brushed a stray strand of hair away from your face. His touch was feather-light, tentative. âYouâre the most infuriating woman Iâve ever met,â he murmured.
âI know,â you whispered back.
Your eyes dropped to his lips, then flicked back up to his. His gaze was locked on your mouth. For one heart-stopping second, you thought he might kiss you. The air grew thick, your breath coming shorter. His head dipped slightly, his eyes darkeningâ
âbut then he stopped. He closed his eyes, took a deep, shuddering breath, and straightened. The moment shattered.
His hand fell from your face, and he took a small, deliberate step back.
He cleared his throat, looking anywhere but at you. âGo to bed,â he said, his voice rough, scraping over the words. âWe have the drive to my parentsâ estate tomorrow.â
THE PARK FAMILY ESTATE WAS LESS A HOUSE AND MORE A DISPLAY OF WEALTH. It was all severe lines, imported stone, and meticulously manicured gardens that looked like no one was allowed to walk in them. The air itself felt several degrees cooler when you stepped out of the car.
Sunghoonâs father, Chairman Park, was exactly as the novel had foretold: a man carved from glacier ice, a crueller, harsher version of Sunghoon. His greeting was a curt nod, his eyes assessing you. His mother, on the other hand, was far more complex. She was elegant, with a smile that reached her eyes but didn't quite warm them, and she welcomed you gracefully, complimenting your dress, asking after the wedding plans with a tone of mild interest.
Dinner was a silent, formal affair. The clink of silverware against fine china was deafening. Chairman Park grilled Sunghoon on work, dismissing his answers with grunts. He ignored you completely. Mrs. Park attempted lighter conversation, asking you about your family, your interests. You answered as blandly as possible, sticking to the script you imagined the original Y/N would have used: mentions of charitable boards, designer names.
âYou must be so excited for the wedding, dear,â Mrs. Park said as dessert was served, a fragile porcelain cup of tea placed before her. âItâs such a wonderful opportunity to solidify your future.â
You nodded, forcing a smile. âYes, of course.â
âSunghoon tells me youâve been spending a lot of time together since youâve started living together. Getting to know each other.â Her smile remained, but her eyes were sharp and beady. âThatâs good. A strong foundation of⊠understanding is so important in these arrangements.â
At the word âarrangementâ, Sunghoon, beside you, went very still.
After dinner, Mrs. Park suggested a walk in the garden. âThe roses are in bloom, Y/N. Come, letâs get some air.â
It wasnât a suggestion. You followed her out into the twilight, the scent of roses indeed thick and almost cloying. She walked in silence for a while along a gravel path that wound past sculpted hedges and a large koi pond.
âYou are a very different girl from the reports I received,â she began, her voice conversational. âThe Y/N we researched was rather more acquisitive. I thought that before, you knew what this marriage was.â She turned to you. âA strategic alliance for your familyâs benefit and for the stability of ours.â
You kept your eyes on the path, your stomach knotting.
âBut it seems this new version of you,â she continued, stopping by the pond to watch the orange and white shapes glide beneath the waterâs surface. âIs quite confusing for my son, I think. He is a man who values clarity. He understands transactions.â She turned to you, her smile still perfectly in place. âYour job, my dear, is to be a compliant partner and an asset to him. Not to⊠confuse him by making him question the nature of the transaction.â
The gentleness in her tone made the words cut deeper. âIâm not trying to confuse him,â you said, your voice barely above a whisper.
âArenât you?â she asked, tilting her head. She let out a soft, pitying sigh. âYouâre forgetting your place. This is a business arrangement. When the time is right, and his position is unassailable, you will both go your separate ways with the agreed-upon compensation. Any emotional complication is a breach of contract.â She placed a cold, delicate hand on your arm. âDo not make the mistake of believing this is a love story, Y/N. Remember who you are. And more importantly, remember who he is.â
Your head was spinning.
She gave your arm a faint pat. âIâll leave you to enjoy the pond. Do find your way back before it gets too dark.â
She walked away, her footsteps silent on the gravel, leaving you alone by the darkening water.
The dam broke.
Tears, hot and shameful, welled up and spilled over. She was right. Of course she was right. You were an imposter in every sense. An imposter in this body, in this life, and now, an imposter in your own feelings. You were muddying the waters of a simple deal, risking everything for a man who was made to love someone else. The sobs came then, quiet and wrenching, your shoulders shaking as you stared blindly at the koi, your tears making small splashes in the pond.
You didnât hear his approach. You only sensed a presence, and you quickly wiped your cheeks with the backs of your hands, turning your face away.
âIâm fine,â you choked out, your voice thick. âJustâum. Admiring the pond. Give me a minute.â
âLook at me.â
âNo, really, Iâmââ
âY/N.â His voice was low, but it was a command nonetheless. âLook at me.â
Slowly, you turned. The last of the twilight caught the tracks of your tears, glistening on your skin. His expression, which had been carefully neutral when he found you, shattered. His eyes widened, then darkened with fury.
âWhat did she say to you?â The question was a soft, deadly thing.
You shook your head, fresh tears falling. âNothing. She didnât say anything that wasnât true.â
âTell me.â He took a step closer.
âShe justâjust reminded me of my place,â you whispered, the words tasting like ash. âThat this is just an arrangement. That I shouldnât⊠forget what it is. That IâmâIâm confusing you. And sheâs right, Sunghoon, I am. Iâm messing it all up, and Iâmââ you sniffed. âIâm so sorryââ
âStop.â The word was a whip-crack. He closed the final distance, his hands coming up to frame your face. His thumbs brushed the tears from your cheeks. âShe has no right. No right to speak to you like that.â
âShe does,â you cried, the frustration and heartbreak pouring out. âThis is her world! These are her rules! Iâm just a temporary fixture, and Iâm acting likeâlike Iâm something else. Iâm sorry for being confusing. Iâm sorry for the skating and the congee and for talking to your friends and for just⊠for just being here all wrong!â
You were babbling, tears streaming freely now. You tried to pull away, but he didnât let you. Instead, he pulled you into his chest.
One arm wrapped tightly around your shoulders, the other hand cradled the back of your head, his fingers threading into your hair. He held you firmly, securely, as you cried into the crisp cotton of his shirt. He didnât shush you. He didnât tell you it would be okay. He just held you, his chin resting on the top of your head.
âY/N,â he murmured into your hair. âYou are the only thing that has made any sense in a very, very long time.â
You clung to him, your fists bunching in the fabric of his shirt. His hand moved from your head to stroke your hair, slow, calming strokes. You could feel the steady, strong beat of his heart against your cheek, and the last of your resistance melted away, and you sank into the embrace, letting him hold the pieces of you together.
You stood there for what felt like an eternity, wrapped in the silence of the garden and the sanctuary of his arms. The tears eventually subsided, leaving you hollowed out and shaky. He didnât let go until finally, you took a ragged, shuddering breath. He leaned back just enough to look down at you, his hands moving to cup your face again. His thumbs wiped away the last of the moisture on your cheeks. His eyes searched yours.
âWeâre leaving,â he said.
He kept one arm around you, guiding you firmly back toward the monstrous house, not to say goodbye to his parents, but straight to the car. He opened the passenger door for you, got in the driverâs side, started the engine, and pulled away from the estate without a backward glance.
You looked out the window, watching the dark countryside blur past, feeling the ghost of his arms around you, the sensation of his fingers in your hair. Your skin still tingled where heâd touched you. Then you snuck a glance at his profile, lit by the dashboard lights. His jaw was set, his gaze fixed on the road ahead, but the cold fury had settled into a deep, simmering resolve. He had chosen a side. And for tonight, at least, he had chosen yours.
Though, of course, life humbled you. Confusion had to come from the other side of the equation: Lee Soojin.
The wedding planning continued as normal. You made a point of being pleasant, supportive even. You praised her ideas, deferred to her taste. You were the dream client, and her initial nervousness around you melted into a warm, professional respect. You liked her. She was kind, hardworking, genuinely talented.
And Sunghoon always noticed her. It was natural that he didâthat was how it was meant to go. In meetings, he was engaged, asking questions, offering solutions. Youâd catch him watching her as she meticulously arranged sample centerpieces, a considering look on his face. Once, when she dropped a binder, he was out of his chair in an instant to help her gather the scattered papers. Their hands brushed. You saw the faint pink that tinged Soojinâs cheeks, the way she couldnât quite meet his eyes afterward, and the jealousy brewing in the pit of your stomach almost became acidic.
It was exactly as the novel said. The cold CEO, melted by the genuine warmth of the commoner. Youâd see them talking quietly in a corner of his office after a meeting had officially ended, and that strange pang would hit your chest again.
THE WORST WAS THE DAY OF THE FINAL VENUE WALKTHROUGH. Youâd arrived separately from Sunghoon, caught in a snarl of downtown traffic.
The location was a stunning, glass-walled conservatory overlooking the river. By the time you rushed through the arched entrance, the late afternoon sun was casting long shadows across the polished floor.
You saw them before they saw you.
They were at the far end of the conservatory, standing on a temporary wooden platform that marked where the altar would be. Lee Soojin was pointing towards the ceiling, explaining something about hanging floral installations, her face animated with passion. And SunghoonâŠ
Sunghoon was listening. Not just listening, but absorbing it all. He stood beside her, his hands in the pockets of his trousers, his head tilted slightly toward her. The sunlight streamed through the glass panes, catching the dust motes in the air and painting them both in a soft, golden glow.
It was a perfect picture. The ambitious, brilliant CEO and the creative, warm-hearted wedding planner. He was asking a question, his expression serious but open, and Soojin smiled, gesturing with her hands as she answered.
You could see it, the rows of chairs filled with Seoulâs elite. The live music swelling. Soojin, in a simple, beautiful dress that wasnât the one youâd picked, walking down this very aisle. And Sunghoon, waiting for her right there, on that platform, his brown eyes fixed only on her. The image was so vivid that it stole the breath from your lungs. Your chest constricted, a sharp ache that had nothing to do with the hurried walk from the car.
This was it. The real beginning of the end for Cha Y/N.
Sunghoonâs gaze finally flickered away from Soojin and landed on you, standing frozen in the doorway. The open, engaged expression on his face closed down, smoothed into the more familiar, neutral mask. He straightened up.
âYouâre late.â
âTraffic,â you said, your voice sounding brittle and thin to your own ears. You forced a smile, directing it at Soojin, who had turned and was now offering you a polite, slightly nervous bow. âSorry, Miss Lee. Please, show me what youâve finalized.â
You walked forward, your heels clicking a sharp, lonely rhythm on the stone. As you passed Sunghoon to join Soojin by the platform, he did something unexpected. He reached out and briefly, almost absently, tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear. His fingers were cool against your heated skin. âYou look flushed,â he murmured, his voice low enough that only you could hear. âDid you run?â
âJust the heat,â you lied, pulling away slightly, your smile feeling more like a grimace.
The rest of the walkthrough was agony. You nodded and agreed to everything Soojin proposed: the arch of white orchids, the string quartet placement, the timing for the sunset ceremony. But you felt like a spectator haunting your own life. Your responses were automatic. âLovely.â âPerfect.â âWhatever you think is best.â
You watched Sunghoon and Soojin discuss the practicalities. Lighting cues for the photographer, the route for the caterers, backup plans for rain. Their rapport was seamless. Heâd ask a sharp, logistical question, and sheâd have a thoughtful, prepared answer. Heâd nod, a flicker of approval in his eyes, and suggest a minor refinement. Sheâd consider it, then agree with a bright, âYes, thatâs much more efficient!â Every shared titter over a hiccup, every moment of unspoken understanding as they examined a floor plan, felt like a tiny paper cut on your heart. A hundred small, insignificant slices that left you feeling quietly, profoundly bloody.
As she got to her binder, Soojin tripped slightly on a loose cable snaking across the floor. Sunghoonâs hand shot out, steadying her by the elbow. âCareful,â he said, his voice soft.
âOh! Thank you, Mr. Park,â Soojin stammered, her cheeks flushing a pretty, delicate pink again. She quickly righted herself, but her gaze lingered on his face for a second too long before she busied herself with her clipboard.
You looked away, your throat tight.
A little while later, as you were examining sample table linens, Sunghoon stood close behind you, leaning over your shoulder to point at a fabric swatch in Soojinâs hand. His chest brushed against your back. âI like the ivory better, not the stark white,â he said, his voice a soft rumble near your ear. âItâll be less harsh under the lights.â
You stiffened, every nerve ending hyper-aware.
âYes,â you managed to whisper. âOkay. The ivory is better.â
He stayed there for a moment longer than necessary, and then he straightened up, the warmth leaving your back.
The walkthrough concluded with polite bows and assurances. Soojin promised to have the revised layouts emailed by the morning. Sunghoon gave a curt nod. âYour work is impressive, Miss Lee. Thank you.â
The praise, so directly given, made Soojin beam. âThank you, Mr. Park! I wonât let you down.â
No, you thought, the ache in your chest deepening. You certainly wonât.
That night, back in the penthouse, you were curled on the vast living room sofa, a book (decidedly not a romance) open but unread on your lap. You were replaying the image of them by the window, trying to quash the hollow feeling it left behind. This was the plan. This was what you wanted. For them to fall in love, for the story to proceed, so you could leave.
So why did it feel like this?
You heard his footsteps first, then the subtle shift in the air as he entered the room. He didnât sit. He came to stand behind the sofa, looking down at you. You kept your eyes on your book, but you could feel his gaze like a physical touch, tracing the line of your shoulder, the curve of your neck where your hair had fallen away.
âWhatâs wrong?â he asked, his voice dropping into that lower register that seemed reserved for these late-night moments.
You swallowed. âNothing. Just tired.â
The lie hung in the air. He was quiet for a long moment. You could almost hear him weighing his next move. Then, you felt the cushion dip slightly as he leaned forward, his hands coming to rest on the back of the sofa, one on either side of you.
âYouâve been quiet since the venue,â he stated, his voice a soft rumble near your ear. âWas it something Miss Lee said?â
The mention of her name was like a splash of cold water. You closed your book with a soft snap. âNo. She was perfect. Everything is perfect.â You made to get up, to escape to the safety of your room.
A hand, firm and warm, landed on your shoulder, gently pressing you back down. âY/N.â
You froze. He almost never used your name. It was always âyou,â or âMiss Chaâ in formal settings. The sound of it in his voice, so close, did something dangerous to your insides.
âLook at me.â
Slowly, you turned your head to look up at him. He was leaning over the back of the sofa, his face serious, his storm-cloud eyes searching yours. The distance between your faces was less than a foot. You could see the faint stubble along his jaw, the slight pulse at the base of his throat. Your breath caught.
âI donât believe you,â he said softly
Fine, you wanted to say. Something did happen. The entire plot of a trashy romance novel happened. And I saw you smiling at her, and itâs supposed to happen, but it feels all wrong now.
âI mean it,â you said instead. âItâs nothing. Really.â You offered him a weak smile. âJust pre-wedding jitters, I guess.â
He studied your face for a long moment, his own unreadable. Then he nodded slowly, not looking convinced. He reached out, and for a heart-stopping second, you thought he might touch your face. But his hand just brushed a stray strand of hair from your forehead, the contact brief.
âOkay. Get some rest,â he said, his voice quiet. He stood and left the room, leaving you alone with the echo of his touch and the churning confusion in your gut.
Here lay the entire problem: the more you saw of the real Park Sunghoon, the more the fictional version paled in comparison. The attraction youâd felt for a character became a terrifyingly real pull towards the living, breathing man. Youâd catch yourself watching him, a hollow ache blooming in your chest, before violently shoving the feeling down. Heâs not for you. This story isnât yours. His happiness is with Soojin
The pang in your chest was no longer alien, it was a constant, dull companion. And it was your cue to exit, stage left.
Enough. You had played your part. You had been harmless. You had, against all odds, built something resembling a civil friendship with the male lead. Now it was time to give him his freedom, take your cushy payout, and vanish. You had your lawyer draw up a simple, clean, no-fault dissolution of the engagement agreement, and then you requested a meeting in his office. The same office where youâd first met Soojin.
HE WAS AT HIS DESK, BUT HE WASNâT WORKING. He was waiting for you, leaning back in his chair, watching you as you entered. The afternoon light slanted across the room, splashing everything in gold and shadow.
âYou wanted to see me,â he said. His voice was deceptively casual, but his posture was alert.
You managed a nod, your throat suddenly dry. The leather folder in your hand felt like it weighed a thousand pounds.
He pushed off the desk and closed the distance between you in a few unhurried strides. Before you could step back or offer a handshakeâany kind of businesslike gestureâhis arm slid around your waist, pulling you gently against him. He dipped his head, his nose brushing the hair at your temple as he inhaled softly. âItâs nice to have you here,â he murmured, the words a warm puff against your skin.
You forced yourself to relax into the half-embrace, your mind screaming at the contradiction. This was the man whoâd taken care of you when you were sick, who taught you to skate. This was also the man whose destiny was written in ink, intertwined with another womanâs name. The hollow ache in your chest expanded, threatening to swallow your resolve.
âI just needed to talk to you about something,â you said, your voice steadier than you felt. You extricated yourself from his hold.
He frowned, returning back to his desk. âIs that right?â
âYes.â You placed the sleek leather folder on the desk between you. âI need you to sign these.â
He didnât look at it. His eyes stayed on your face. âWhat is it?â
âThe termination of our engagement.â The words came out steady, practiced. âMy lawyers have already reviewed it. Itâs very straightforward. The settlement terms are there, and I think youâll find them reasonable.â
For a long moment, there was nothing but silence from him. The gold light glinted off the edges of the folder, off the sharp line of his cheekbone.
He didnât move. He didnât blink.
Slowly, so slowly, he leaned forward. He didnât reach for the folder. He placed his palms flat on the desk, his knuckles white. When he spoke, his voice was a low, controlled vibration.
âWhat?â
âIâm calling off the arrangement,â you repeated, your own voice sounding thin in comparison. âItâs for the best. We both know this was never a realââ
âFor the best,â he echoed, cutting you off. The control was cracking. You could see it at the edgesâa muscle jumping in his jaw, a storm gathering in those dark eyes. He pushed back from the desk and stood up, the movement fluid and predatory. He loomed over the desk, over you. âFor the best? Are you serious? You come into my life, youâyou change everything, you act like a completely different person for months, and now you just⊠you just drop this on my desk and say itâs for the best?â
âSunghoon,â you startled at the emotion in his voice, taking an involuntary step back. âWe both donât want this. Itâs a business deal thatâs run its course. You can be withââ
âWith who?â he snapped, his voice rising. He came around the desk, stopping a few feet from you. The space between you crackled with his fury. âWho is it that you think I want to be with? Tell me.â
âSoojin!â you blurted out. âLee Soojin! Itâs obvious, Sunghoon. Youâre good together. Sheâs sweet, sheâs genuine, sheâs everything thatâthat this arrangement isnât. You should be with her. Youâre meant to be with her.â
He stared at you as if youâd started speaking in tongues. The anger seemed to freeze, then shatter into pure, unadulterated disbelief. âSoojin,â he scoffed, the name a flat, incredulous syllable. âOur wedding planner.â
âYes! You talk to her, you laugh with her, you look at her likeâŠâ You trailed off, the memory of those looks twisting inside you.
âLike a competent professional whose work I respect?â he fired back, taking another step closer. You could see the faint flecks of gold in his irises, the rapid pulse at the base of his throat. âIs that the crime? Is that what this is about? Youâve decided, based on God-knows-what, that I have feelings for our wedding planner, and so youâre, what? Nobly stepping aside? Is that it?â
It was too close to the truth. You floundered. âItâs logical. This engagement is a farce. We should both be free.â
âFree?â he laughed, a sharp, bitter sound. âAre you fucking with me?â He was right in front of you now, close enough that you could feel the heat radiating from him, smell the subtle, clean scent of his cologne. His gaze bored into yours, searching for something you were desperately trying to hide. âFor months, Iâve been trying to understand you. I thoughtâI actually thoughtâŠâ He broke off, shaking his head, a hand raking through his perfect hair in a gesture of utter frustration. âAnd now you hand me this. Did I do something? Did I upset you? Is this some new, elaborate game? Because if it is, I need you to tell me the rules right now, because I canât keep up.â
The pain in his voice, the sheer, bewildered hurt mixed in with the anger, was your undoing. This wasnât in the novel. The Sunghoon in the novel would have taken the papers with relief, maybe a cutting remark. He wouldnât be standing here, looking at you like youâd just reached into his chest and pulled out his entire heart.
âItâs not a game,â you whispered, your own resolve crumbling. âAnd you didnât do anything wrong. Youâve beenâyouâve been lovely. Thatâs the whole problem.â
âThatâs the whole problem,â he repeated, his voice dropping to a deadly whisper. âIâve been lovely, so youâre leaving.â He ran his hands through his hair. âThat makes no sense. None of this makes any sense, Y/N, I donât accept this.â
âYou have to sign the papers,â you said weakly.
âI donât have to do a damn thing,â he said, and the final shred of his control vanished. His eyes blazed with conviction. âYou donât get to do this. You donât get to walk in here, change every single thing, and then just walk away because youâve decided whatâs for the best. You donât know whatâs best for me.â He leaned in, his face inches from yours. His breath was warm against your skin. âThe only thing I know for certain right now,â he said, each word deliberate, hammering, and emphasised, âis that I am not signing those papers.â
âYou have to,â you insisted, your voice trembling despite your resolve. âSunghoon, this isnât real. What we have is a contract. Youâll get over this. In a month, youâll look back and be grateful I let you go to be with someone you actuallyâsomeone who actually means something to you. Soojin isââ
âEnough.â The word was a guttural snarl that vibrated in the marrow of your bones. His hand, still hovering near your arm, finally closed around your wrist firmly. âEnough about Lee Soojin! You think this is about her?â
He pulled you closer, the motion so sudden you stumbled a half-step forward. The storm in his eyes had broken.
âYou want to know what Iâve been thinking about?â he demanded, his voice a ragged scrape of sound. âWhen Iâm in a meeting so boring I want to put my head through the glass, I think about coming home. Not just to this place. To wherever you are. Thatâs home. I imagine walking in and finding you asleep on the sofa with a book on your chest. I think about picking it up, reading the page you dog-eared, just to know what was in your head before you drifted off. If youâre in the kitchen, I think about you humming to yourself, that off-key little tune you do when youâre making tea, and I wonder what would happen if I came up behind you and put my hands around your waist.â
Your breath hitched, trapped in your throat. This wasnât happening, it couldnât be. This was a deviation, a crack in the universe.
âAnd you think Iâve beenâbeen thinking about her?â He let out a sharp, disbelieving laugh. âBefore you, this place was just a building. Iâd work until I couldnât see straight just to have an excuse not to come back.â His eyebrows were drawn together. âYouâve fucked me up, Y/N. Now I find myself watching the clock like some pathetic highschooler, inventing reasons to wrap things up early. Because youâre here.â
He leaned in, his forehead almost touching yours. âYou want to know when I think about Lee Soojin? I think about her when sheâs emailing me timelines and invoices. Thatâs it. Sheâs a good planner, and sheâs doing an excellent job planning a wedding that I donât want with anyone but you.â
âYou donât mean that,â you whispered, a last-ditch defense. âItâs just⊠the arrangement, Sunghoon. Itâs confusing your feelingsââ
âY/N,â He released your wrist, but only to bring both hands up to frame your face, his thumbs stroking over your cheekbones. The touch was devastating in its tenderness. âYou think I donât know what I feel? You think this is confusion? This is the only thing that has ever been clear to me.â
âSunghoon, pleaseââ
âNo.â The word was soft, final. âItâs you. Itâs only you. It has only ever been you.â His voice broke on the last word, the raw vulnerability of it slicing through you. âDo you understand? There is no one else, there will never be anyone else for me.â
The world tilted. The solid ground of the plot, of your predetermined escape, crumbled into dust beneath your feet. He was looking at you like you were the sun, but you were just a thief standing in its light.
âYouâre wrong,â you choked out, tears spilling over now, matching his. âYou have to be wrong. This is a trick. I tricked you. I didnât mean to, but I did. Iâm not her, Sunghoon. The person you think youâthe person you feel this for, itâs not me. Itâs a lie.â
His brow furrowed, bewildered concern overtaking his features. He wiped a tear from your cheek with his thumb. âWhat are you talking about? Of course itâs you. Who else would it be?â
âThe real Cha Y/N!â you cried, the words tearing free from some deep, secret place of panic. âThe one who was supposed to be here! The person I was a year ago! Thatâs who you were supposed to be engaged to. Thatâs who you were supposed to hate. And IâI came in and I messed it all up. I was nice to Soojin. I made you congee. I laughed with your friends. Iâve been pretending to be someone,â you sniffled. âSomeone better, and you fell for the act. You fell for thisâthis character.â You were sobbing in earnest now, the guilt and fear and desperate, unwanted hope pouring out of you. âYouâre a good man, Sunghoon. Youâre justâyou feel responsible because Iâve been kind. Thatâs all this is.â
For a long, suspended moment, he just stared at you, his hands still cradling your face. The anger had drained from his expression, and, to your surprise, he wasnât looking at you like you were crazy. He was looking at you like he was finally, finally putting the pieces together.
âA character,â he repeated slowly. His thumbs stilled on your skin. âYou think youâve been playing a part.â
âYes.â
âAnd the real Cha Y/N⊠you believe she was someone else. Someone I was meant to despise.â
âYes.â
He took a deep, slow breath, his gaze searching every inch of your face as if seeing it for the first time. âThe night in the car. After the gala. You said you were from a different universe.â he said slowly. âI thought you were joking.â
You couldnât speak. You just looked at him, your eyes wide with terror.
His voice dropped to a whisper, filled with awe and a terrible, heartbreaking softness. âYou werenât joking, were you?â
The last of your resistance collapsed. You shook your head, a tiny, helpless movement.
âOh, Y/N,â he breathed. The sound was full of wonder. His grip on your face gentled even further. âMy impossible, ridiculous girl. Do you really think it matters to me?â A faint, incredulous smile touched his lips, though his eyes were still wet. âDo you think Iâm some honorable hero from one of your books?â
You flinched at the accuracy of it.
His smile faded, replaced by that same conviction. âI told you. Iâm not a hero. Iâm a selfish man. I want what I want. And I have never, not for one second since you woke up in this world, wanted anyone but you.â He leaned closer, his gaze dropped to your lips, then back to your eyes, dark with a hunger that stole the air from your lungs. âI have spent the last few months in a special kind of hell, Y/N. Do you have any idea what thatâs been like? To have the woman Iâm contractually bound to be the only woman I canât fucking have? To watch you walk around in those little sleep shorts, with your hair messy in the morning, and have to pretend I donât see it? To sit across from you at breakfast and want to clear the entire table with my arm just to get my hands on you?â He leaned closer, his lips brushing the shell of your ear. His voice dropped to a vicious whisper that scraped over every nerve ending. âIâve thought about bending you over this very desk. Iâve thought about pinning you against that glass and watching the whole city see who you belong to. Iâve thought about your mouth, your thighs, the sounds youâd make if I finally stopped being a gentleman. Iâve fucked my own hand more times these past few months than in my entire life before you, and every single time, it was your name I bit into my pillow to keep from shouting.â
A dizzying wave of heat crashed through you.
âSunghoon,â you started, but you had no words.
âNo,â he growled, pulling back to look at you, his gaze scouring your face. âListen to me.â He released your wrist only to bring both hands up to frame your face, his touch searing. âYou are not leaving me. This engagement is not ending. The only thing thatâs ending is this pathetic charade where we pretend this isnât real.â
He released you so suddenly you swayed. In one fluid, violent motion, he snatched the leather folder from the desk. You watched, hypnotized, as his hands searched for the papers. He tore them in half, then quarters, then let the pieces flutter to the floor.
âThe only paper youâll sign next,â he said, his voice low and final, âis our marriage certificate. Do you understand me?â
He didnât wait for an answer. His attention was already on his tie. With a sharp tug, he loosened the knot of his silk tie, the dark fabric slithering free. His eyes never left yours as he began to stalk toward you, a predator with its prey finally cornered.
You took a step back. Then another. Your heart was a wild drum against your ribs. The heat between your legs was a throbbing, insistent ache. Your back hit something cool and unyieldingâthe massive floor-to-ceiling window. The panoramic view of the city sprawled behind you, a dizzying drop of steel and glass. You were trapped between the cold glass and the furnace of his body.
He closed the final distance and planted his hands on the glass on either side of your head, caging you in.
âNow,â he breathed out. âTell me you donât want this. Tell me you havenât thought about it. Lie to me.â
You couldnât. Your breath hitched, your lips parted. A small, desperate whimper escaped you.
That was all the answer he needed.
He kissed you like he was starving, and you were the first thing heâd had in a lifetime. He kissed you like he was trying to erase every word about leaving, every mention of another personâs name. His teeth grazed your lower lip, a sharp sting of pleasure-pain that made you cry out against his mouth. Your hands flew up to clutch at the crisp fabric of his shirt. A low groan rumbled from his chest into yours.
He swallowed the sound, his tongue tangling with yours, deep and filthy. When he finally broke for air, it was only to drag his lips along your jaw, his breath hot and ragged against your skin.
âYou think I could look at anyone else,â he growled, his voice a scrape against your ear as he bit your earlobe. âWhen youâre in my house? In my bed? Fuck.â His hands left the glass and gripped your hips, fingers digging in through the thin fabric of your dress. âEvery night. Every goddamn night, Y/N.â
âSunghoonââ you whimpered, the explicit confession flooding your system with heat.
âY/N,â he breathed out. He spun you around, your front pressing against the cool, unyielding glass. The city sprawled below, and your breath fogged the window. His body covered yours from behind, his erection a hard, insistent line against the curve of your ass. He pushed your hair aside and buried his face in the crook of your neck, inhaling deeply. âI couldnât stand it,â he whispered, the words a dark, delicious sin directly into your ear. One hand slid around your waist, splaying possessively over your lower belly. The other hand yanked at the hem of your dress, gathering it up around your waist. The cool air kissed your bare thighs, and you shuddered. âTell me you thought about it, too. Tell me you touched yourself, thinking about my hands on you.â
âYes,â you breathed, the admission torn from you.
âGood.â The word was a satisfied rumble. His fingers hooked into the lace of your panties. With a sharp tug, the delicate fabric tore, and he palmed your bare ass, then slid his hand between your thighs.
You were soaked. Achingly, shamelessly wet for him.
He groaned, a deep, pained sound. âLook at this.â He dragged two fingers through your slickness, circling your clit with a pressure that made you cry out and press your forehead to the cold glass. âAll that talk of leaving,â he breathed out, his voice thick with lust, âbut your body knows the truth. It knows who it belongs to.â
He pushed a finger inside you, then a second, curling them expertly. Your inner muscles clenched around him, a pulse of pure need. You moaned.
His other hand slid up your torso, roughly palming your tits through the silk of your dress before finding the zipper at the side. With a sharp tug, he pulled it down, the fabric gaping open. He shoved the material off your shoulders, baring you to the waist. The cool glass met your feverish skin, your nipples pebbling into tight, sensitive points against the smooth, unyielding surface.
âSee?â he whispered hotly against your ear, his fingers still working inside you, stretching you, preparing you. âSee how pretty you look? Pressed against my window. My view.â He bit down on the junction of your neck and shoulder, not hard enough to break skin, but enough to brand you. âI want the whole city to see. I want every man in every building to look up and see my pretty little wife getting fucked by her husband. To know youâre taken. That youâre mine.â
A shudder of pure, wanton heat racked your body. âWeâreâweâre not married yet,â you gasped out, a feeble defense as you ground your hips back against his hand. âWeâre justâhngh!âbusiness partners.â
His fingers stilled. Then, slowly, he pulled them out. You whimpered at the loss, the emptiness. You heard the rustle of clothing, the clink of his belt buckle, the slide of a zipper. Then the replacement of the hot, heavy weight of his erection pressed against the cleft of your ass with the velvety head of his cock nudging against your soaked folds.
âIs that so?â
His voice was a low, dangerous purr against the shell of your ear. He held his cock there, just brushing your pussy, his hips making tiny, maddening circles that smeared his pre-cum against your sensitive folds.
âIf weâre not married,â he continued, his tone deceptively light, almost conversational, as his hands gripped your hips, âthen I suppose this would be improper. A breach of our purely business arrangement.â He pulled back slightly, the loss of his heat a physical pain. âMaybe youâre right. Maybe we should stop.â
âNo,â you gasped, the word torn from you. You tried to push back against him, but his grip was iron, holding you still. âSunghoonââ
âNo?â he echoed, mock-thoughtful. One hand smoothed over your bare hip, his thumb digging into the sensitive dip. âBut you were so clear about the terms just now. About it being just business.â He leaned in, his lips brushing your ear. âBusiness partners donât do this, do they, Y/N?â
You were trembling. Your muscles clenched around nothing, aching. âSunghoon, please.â
âPlease what?â he purred, his other hand coming up to circle your throat. âUse your words. Tell me what you need.â
You were beyond pride, beyond the script of the novel, beyond everything but the pounding of your blood and the empty, throbbing want between your legs. âI need you,â you gasped, your forehead grinding against the cool glass. âI need your cock. Please. Please, just⊠fuck me. I need it. I need you inside me.â
âWhere inside you?â he demanded, his voice dropping to a filthy whisper. One hand slid from your hip, around to your lower belly, pressing down. âHere?â He rocked his hips, the blunt head catching on your entrance, pushing in just a single, devastating inch before retreating. A broken cry of agreement left your lips. âYou feel that? Thatâs where I belong. Thatâs where Iâm going to fill you up.â
âPlease,â you sobbed, shameless now. âPlease, Sunghoon, I need it so badââ
He sheathed himself to the hilt.
The world dissolved into a white-hot shock of sensation. The stretch was immense, breathtaking, a burning fullness that stole the air from your lungs completely. You screamed, the sound muffled against the glass. He was so deep, you could practically feel him in your womb.
âFuck,â he groaned, his body going rigid against yours, his forehead dropping to your shoulder. âGod, youâre tight. Youâre taking me so well, baby. So perfect for me.â
He didnât move for a long moment, letting you feel every inch, letting your body adjust to the overwhelming intrusion. You could feel the heavy throb of him inside you, the way your own muscles fluttered and clenched around him, trying to pull him deeper.
Then he moved.
He pulled out slowly, almost completely, dragging it out before slamming back in. A choked cry was punched from you with each relentless thrust thrust that jolted you forward into the window, your palms squeaking against the glass. The sound of skin slapping against skin, of his ragged breaths and your desperate moans, filled the silent office.
âYou thought you could leave?â he panted, his pace increasing, becoming less controlled, more frantic. He wrapped one arm around your waist, hauling you back onto him with every drive of his hips. âYou thought you could walk away from me?â He slammed into you, and a sharp cry was punched from your chest. âIâd have found you. Iâd have torn the world apart to bring you back. Youâre mine.â
âBig words,â you managed to taunt, your voice shaking. âFor a man whoâah!âneeded a contract to get a wife.â
âYou have a smart mouth for someone getting split open on my cock,â he snarled. The arm around your waist tightened, and his other hand came down in a sharp, stinging slap on your ass.
The shock of it made you clench around him harder.
âFuck,â he hissed, his thrusts becoming harder, more erratic. âYou like that?â He spanked you again, on the other side, and you moaned, pushing your ass back into the contact, into his thrusts. âThis perfect cunt,â he hammered into you, âthis perfect body. All mine. In a month, youâll be my wife. Then itâs forever.â His breaths were shaking too, now. âYouâll carry my children. Youâll wear my ring and my marks and my cum every single day until you forget there was ever a time you werenât mine.â
Your nails scrabbled against the smooth glass. âYouâreâyouâre insane,â you gasped out.
âFor you,â he growled, nipping at your shoulder. âItâs all for you.â His pace became brutal, a piston-like drive that had you seeing stars with each impact. The tightness in your belly wound faster, faster, a spring of sensation ready to snap. You could feel the sweat slick between your bodies.
âThatâs it,â he whispered, watching your desperate, pleasure-twisted expression in the darkening reflection of the glass. âSee how beautiful you are? Taking all of me. Made for me. My perfect girl.â He slid a hand around your hip, his fingers finding your swollen clit, rubbing tight little circles. âYou want me to put a baby in you, donât you?â he breathed. âYou want to be so full of me you canât forget for a second who you belong to.â
Your hips rocked back, meeting his thrusts, seeking more, deeper. âYes,â you whimpered. âYes, Sunghoon, please.â
In one brutal, fluid motion, he spun you around. Your back hit the glass with a soft thud, the city lights a dizzying backdrop behind him. Before you could process the new position, his mouth was on yours, swallowing your gasp. His tongue mapped the interior of your mouth as his hands gripped your bare thighs, hiking them up around his hips. He entered you again in this new, face-to-face angle, and it was somehow deeper. You could see his faceâthe dark flush on his cheekbones, the sweat beading at his temples, the madness in his eyes.
His cock sank back into your soaked pussy with a slick thrust, stretching you wide in this new angle that let him grind right against that spot deep inside. Sunghoon groaned low in his throat, his forehead pressing to yours as he started moving again, slow at first, savoring the way your walls clenched around him, pulling him in like you were made to milk every inch. "Fuck, youâre incredible," he rasped, voice rough with awe. "So tight, so wet for me. âS like your body's begging to keep me forever."
You clung to his shoulders, nails digging into the taut muscles of his back through his shirt as he picked up the pace, hips snapping forward. Each plunge drove him deeper, the head of his cock dragging along your inner walls, hitting that sensitive bundle of nerves that made stars burst behind your eyelids. The cool glass bit into your spine, his pelvis grinding against your clit with every thrust. All you could focus on was Sunghoon: his breath hot on your neck, his hands bruising your thighs as he held you open, fucking you so hard you were sure youâd forget your own name by the time he was done.
"That's my girl," he murmured, lips brushing your ear, his rhythm turning relentless. He loved it, the way your pussy fluttered around his thick length, the obscene wet sounds of him sliding in and out, the way your tits bounced with each thrust. He shifted his grip, hiking you up higher so that one hand could slide up to cup your breast, thumb flicking your hardened nipple while he lowered his mouth to the other.
Your head fell back against the window, a series of punched-out moan and whimpers tearing from your throat. His thrusts grew harder, faster again. You could feel him everywhereâhis cock throbbing inside you, his hands on your body, his mouth on your tits, and the tightness climbed further and further, your clit pulsing under the friction of his bodyâuntil it snapped. You cried out his name as you rode the waves of your orgasm, legs trembling in his hold.
Sunghoon followed seconds later, burying himself to the hilt with your name on his lips. His cock pulsed, hot spurts of cum flooding your depths, marking you from the inside out. He held you there, grinding deep as he emptied himself. Then slowly, carefully, he pulled out. A hot trickle slid down your inner thigh. He released you from his grip gently, his expression utterly shattered. He looked at youâyour flushed face, your kiss-swollen lips, your dress rumpled around your waistâas if you were a miracle.
He leaned down and kissed you softly. âIâm in love with you, you impossible woman,â he whispered against your lips. âI think I have been since you shoved me out of the way to make congee.â
A watery laugh-sob escaped you. You wrapped your arms around his neck, holding on.
He kissed your forehead, your eyelids, the tip of your nose. Then his expression grew serious again, though the tenderness remained, and he reached for his discarded suit jacket, draped over his desk chair, and wrapped it around your shoulders. Then looked at the scattered shreds of the termination agreement on the floor, then back at you, a dark gleam in his eye. âAnd just in case you get any more noble, self-sacrificing ideasâŠâ He placed his large hand over your lower belly again, thumb stroking the skin. âWeâre not done here. Weâre going home, and you can forget about work tomorrow.â
THREE YEARS LATER, THE SOUND OF GLEEFUL SHRIEKS WAS BETTER THAN ANY ALARM CLOCK.
You stirred, a soft smile already on your face before you even opened your eyes. The early morning sun filtered through the gauzy curtains of the bedroom in the penthouseâyour penthouse, your bedroomâcovering everything in warm, honeyed light. The space beside you in the vast bed was empty, but still warm. You could hear the distant, deep complaints of Sunghoonâs voice mixing with the high, piping laughter of your daughter, Via.
You pushed yourself up on your elbows, one hand automatically cradling the gentle, firm swell of your belly. Twenty weeks along with your second. A little brother for Via, the ultrasound had confirmed.
Padding out to the open-plan living area, you leaned against the doorframe, watching. Sunghoon, dressed in soft grey sweatpants and a worn t-shirt, was on his hands and knees, being conquered by a two-year-old warlord in ugly green dinosaur pajamas. Via was perched triumphantly on his back, tiny hands fisted in his shirt, shouting âDaddy, horsey! Faster!â
âI am a CEO,â Sunghoon grumbled, but his voice was full of laughter as he obediently crawled a few more feet across the rug. âI negotiate several deals before you even eat breakfast. I am not a horse.â
âHorsey!â Via insisted, shrieking.
âYou heard the boss,â you called out, grinning.
Sunghoonâs head snapped up. His face, which still took your breath away, softened instantly when he saw you. Even with sleep-tousled hair, he still made your heart do that stupid flip with a smile that reached his crinkled eyes. âLook, Via, Mamaâs awake,â he said, carefully rolling so he could scoop your giggling daughter into his arms as he stood.
âMama!â Via reached for you, and Sunghoon carried her over, depositing a wriggling, warm bundle into your arms before leaning down to kiss you, slow and sweet.
âGood morning, baby.â he murmured against your lips. âHow did you sleep?â
âPerfectly,â you said, meaning it. You kissed Viaâs dark hair. âUnlike someone who was apparently running a rodeo at 7 AM.â
âShe has her motherâs energy,â Sunghoon said, his hand coming to rest on your belly, his thumb stroking the curve. âAnd her motherâs terrible sense of timing.â he mock-frowned. âWhyâd you have to get up now? I was just about to bring you breakfast in bed.â
âMm, no,â you leaned into him. âThis is much better.â
my first long-ish fic...thats why i used dividers but wow its lowkey too many sweats anyway she is my baby this took me so long (literally over a month lol) but i hope u like her....... to be honest with u guys,,, i dont like it đ i was super excited abt this idea but i dont like at all how it came out and i honestly think i could have done so much better but i just wanted to get this done even if it was shit i cant lie im sorry đ it felt so weird to finish off after everything,, im still pretty torn up about it so if anything at all came off a little weird thats my bad đ„Čđ„Čđ„Č anyway i hope u liked it tho, and i hope ur all doing good and keeping healthy (and boycotting belift !!) <3 much love from ur mona heedimples đ
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Synopsis: At Hogwarts, you were golden. He chose darkness and shattered you. Years later, you hesitate to kill him. He kills for you instead. Now you teach at Hogwarts, trying to forget him. But Park Sunghoon never forgot you, now he has decided he wonât lose you twice.
a/n: Welcome to the first part of this series. It occured to me very late that it became too long to be a oneshot, so i had to cut it up. Now this first part is.. almost like an epilogue, but more detailed. So enjoy! REBLOGS AND COMMENTARY IS APPRECIATED!
Your father always called you a handful.
Not cruelly. Never cruelly. It was usually said with a tired sigh and the faintest hint of pride in his eyes, like he couldnât decide whether to scold you or applaud you.
âYouâll go far,â heâd tell you, hands clasped behind his back as he watched you duel older cousins twice your size. âBut that appetite for danger of yours will drag you down if youâre not careful.â
You always brushed him off, always laughed it off.
Because you were extraordinary.
Top marks. Impeccable wand control. A natural duelist. Pure-blooded and well-bred, raised with old magic. Professors at Hogwarts praised your essays, your reflexes, your instincts. You wanted to be an Auror â and you had the discipline to get there. Your grades never slipped. Your ambition was steady, focused, sharp.
But there was that other side of you.
The side that liked testing spells just to see how far they could stretch. The side that found creatures with too many teeth fascinating instead of frightening.Â
You liked teeth and claws and things that could kill you if you made one wrong move.
You liked danger. And yes, maybe you liked chaos just a little too much.
You were exceptional with hexes â quick, creative, controlled. You knew the difference between harmful and humiliating, and you preferred the latter. There was an art to embarrassment. A craft.
Filch and Mrs. Norris simply happened to be easy canvases.
Their patrol routes were predictable. Their reactions were theatrical. Their paranoia made everything better.
And then there was Peeves.
Peeves adored you.
You were one of the few students who could keep up with him â who could invent chaos instead of merely react to it.Â
Tonightâs prank had been meticulously planned.
You had enchanted one of the suits of armor near the third-floor corridor â the one Filch always passed during his late-night rounds. A simple trigger charm. Once activated, the armor would screech accusations at him in a booming, dramatic voice while releasing a cloud of bright purple smoke and a cascade of glittering sparks that clung stubbornly to fabric.
Harmless.
Humiliating.
Perfect.
You crouched behind a stone pillar, wand tucked into your sleeve, heart beating with anticipatory delight. Peeves hovered beside you, vibrating with barely contained excitement.
âHeâs coming,â Peeves whispered, grinning wide enough to split his face. âOh, this will be deliciousââ
Footsteps echoed.
Measured. Even.
Not the shuffling, irritated stomp of Argus Filch.
But you were too excited to notice.
The suit of armor detonated into sound.
âFIIIIILCH YOU MISERABLE CAT-OBSESSEDââ
Purple smoke burst outward in an impressive plume. Sparks rained down like cursed confetti.
And instead of wheezing outrageâ
There was a sharp intake of breath. A cough. And a distinctly masculine voice snapping in surprise.
Peeves vanished. Justâgone.
âCoward,â you muttered under your breath, heart plummeting straight into your shoes. You stepped out immediately, because unlike poltergeists, you had dignity.
âI am so sorry â that was not meant for you, I thought you were Filch, I swear I would neverââ
The student turned.
Your apology died mid-sentence.
Park Sunghoon.
He stood in the fading smoke like something carved from it â tall, composed, dark hair slightly mussed from the magical blast. Purple glitter clung to the shoulders of his robes and dusted the sleeve near his wrist. The torchlight along the corridor caught in his eyes, sharpening them into something almost metallic.
You had seen him before. Everyone had.
Pure-blooded. Ravenclaw. Top of the year in nearly everything. Brilliant. Ruthless. Quiet in a way that didnât invite pity but demanded space.
You had seen him across the Great Hall, sitting alone at the Ravenclaw table with a book open. You sharedâwhat? Two classes? Advanced Charms and Ancient Runes. You were almost certain you had never actually heard his voice before.
Not properly. Not directed at you.
And now he was staring at you. Not angry in a loud way. Just⊠displeased. Assessing.
Your pulse began behaving very unprofessionally.Â
âIâm sorry,â you repeated, softer now, suddenly hyperaware of the distance between you â or lack thereof.
He blinked once.
âItâs fine,â he said.
Merlin.
You had not been prepared for that, not prepared for how the sound slid down your spine.
You had not expected that voice.
âIt was meant for Filch,â you added quickly, because for some reason you felt compelled to defend yourself.
âI gathered,â he replied dryly.
There it was.
A faint twitch at the corner of his mouth. Not amusement. Not quite. Something restrained.
Up close, he was unfair.
Sharp jaw. Dark lashes. Eyes that looked like they held thoughts he would never share, like they held too much thought and too little mercy. There was something composed about him, something restrained â like he was constantly holding something back.
And he was tall.Â
You had to tilt your head slightly to maintain eye contact, and that realization alone sent your traitorous heart into a frenzy in a way that was deeply inconvenient.Â
He didnât fidget. He didnât brush the glitter off his robe. He didnât even look embarrassed.
He simply stood there, taking you in like you were the unexpected variable in an equation he hadnât planned for.
âYouâre in Advanced Defensive Theory,â he said.
Not a question.
You blinked. âYes.â
âYou argue with Professor Whitmore.â
âI contribute,â you corrected immediately.
âYou interrupt.â
You scoffed softly, folding your arms over your chest like you were in the middle of a casual debate instead of standing inches away from a boy who made your pulse behave irrationally.
âIn my book,â you said breezily, âthatâs the same thing.â
His eyebrow lifted slightly.
You pushed on, brushing him off with a careless tilt of your head. âIf someone is wrong, I correct them. If someone is vague, I clarify. If Professor Whitmore insists on explaining defensive counter-curses like weâre first years, I improve the lecture.â
A faint curl of satisfaction settled in your chest. You were used to winning arguments. Used to people reacting â either with amusement or exasperation.
Sunghoon did neither. He just stared at you.Â
It wasnât a blank stare. It wasnât empty. It was sharp and focused, like he was dissecting your words instead of responding to them. His gaze didnât flicker away when you shifted your weight. It didnât falter when you met it head-on.
If anything, it deepened.
âYouâre not going to argue back?â you asked lightly, attempting to reclaim some of your usual confidence.
He didnât answer. He just continued staring.
And Merlin help you, but that was worse. Because it felt like he was waiting for something. Watching for something. As if he already knew how you would react and simply wanted to see it unfold.
Your fingers fidgeted slightly at your side before you forced them still. âAnyway,â you said, shifting gears, âI really am sorry. That wasnât meant for you.â
Still nothing. Just those dark eyes, steady and unrelenting.
For someone so quiet, he had a presence that was almost suffocating. Not loud. Not overbearing. Just⊠intense.
It made your skin feel too tight.
âI didnât expect anyone else to be walking through here,â you added, softer this time.
His gaze flickered â just barely â to the enchanted armor, now standing innocently against the wall as though it hadnât just screamed obscenities.
Then he looked back at you.
âHow did you do it?â
You blinked.
ââŠWhat?â
âThe trigger,â he clarified calmly. âHow did you bind it?â
For a second, you simply stared at him.
That was not the question you expected.
âIââ You faltered, thrown off. âIâm sorry?â
His expression didnât change. âThe suit of armor. You hexed it to respond. How?â
Confusion washed over you, followed quickly by something like surprise.
He wasnât angry. He wasnât offended. He was curious.
âYouâre asking about the enchantment?â you said slowly.
âYes.â
The simplicity of it unsettled you.
You glanced back at the armor instinctively, as if expecting it to answer for you. âItâs not complicated,â you said after a moment, though your tone lost some of its usual teasing edge. âItâs a layered charm.â
He didnât interrupt.
You found yourself explaining before you consciously decided to. âI used a modified auditory trigger,â you said, gesturing vaguely with your hand. âThe armor only activates when it detects âFilchâ spoken within a certain radius.â
âAnd the smoke?â he asked.
âBasic dispersion charm. Non-toxic. Stains fabric for about an hour, though.â You winced slightly. âI may have overdone the glitter.â
His gaze flicked to his shoulder again. Then back to you.
âYou stacked the enchantments,â he observed.
âYes.â
âIn sequence?â
âOf course.â
âYouâre not supposed to be able to layer that many minor charms without destabilizing the trigger,â he said evenly.
You blinked at him, surprised despite yourself.
âI stabilized the core,â you replied automatically. âAnchored it to the armorâs existing ward structure.â
His eyes sharpened. âHow?â
âWhy do you care?â you asked quietly.
âBecause it worked.â
It shouldnât have felt like praise. But it did.
Your pulse skipped.
âI adjusted the matrix,â you admitted after a beat. âThereâs a binding symbol carved inside the base. It redirects excess magic back into the object instead of letting it disperse.â
Another stretch of silence.
You expected him to challenge it. To critique it. To tell you it was inefficient. Instead, something shifted in his expression.
Interest.
âYou modified the runes yourself,â he said.
âYes.â
âHow long did it take you?â
âLike one minute.â
His gaze lingered on you in a way that made your stomach flip.
âIt was just for fun,â you added. âI wasnât exactly writing a thesis.â
âYou shouldnât waste that on pranks.â There was no condescension in his tone. Just a fact.
Your chin lifted instinctively. âI donât waste anything.â
His lips twitched almost imperceptibly. âI can see that.â He glanced once more at the armor, then back at you. âNext time,â he said calmly, âtell me before you try something like that.â
âWhy would I do that?â
âSo I can see it up close.âÂ
You stared at him, thrown off balance in a way you didnât appreciate. âYou want to supervise my rule-breaking?â you asked lightly, trying to regain control of the moment.
âI want to see how your mind works when youâre not being graded.â
That did something to you. Because most people liked you for what you produced. Your scores. Your boldness in class.
But Sunghoon wasnât impressed by results. He was curious about process.
You tilted your head, studying him the way heâd been studying you.
âYouâre strange,â you decided.
A faint flicker of something â almost amusement â passed through his eyes.
âSo are you.â
And somehow, that felt like agreement.
After that night, he didnât disappear back into quiet observation.
He sought you out.
The next time you entered Advanced Defensive Theory, the seat beside you was occupied.
By him.
He didnât acknowledge it. Didnât look at you when you sat down.
He never made a spectacle of it. Sunghoon didnât do spectacle.
He existed beside you like a shadow that chose to stay.
You found yourself looking for him.
In the Great Hall, your eyes would drift to the Ravenclaw table without permission. In the library, youâd pretend not to notice him already seated near the section you favored. In corridors, youâd sense him before you saw him.Â
By fifth year, people had started noticing how Sunghoon was always there. Always just slightly behind you. Or beside you. Close enough that the space between you felt claimed.
He didnât touch you often in public. But when he did, it was obvious.
A hand at the small of your back when a corridor grew too crowded. Fingers brushing yours briefly before class began. Standing half a step in front of you when someone he didnât like tried to linger in conversation.
He never raised his voice. He never made scenes.
He didnât need to.
People felt the quiet warning in his stare. The calm certainty in the way he said, âSheâs busy,â without asking your permission â but somehow knowing you didnât mind.Â
And you didnât.
Because it wasnât suffocating.
It was grounding.
You liked knowing someone that sharp had chosen you.
The Yule Ball was when everything shifted.Â
Until then, whatever existed between you and Sunghoon had lived in the spaces between words â in shared glances across classrooms, in late-night study sessions that stretched a little too long, in the way he always seemed to appear at your side without being asked.
But the Yule Ball made things visible, bringing it to the light.Â
You had agreed to attend with a boy from your house â charming, well-liked, perfectly acceptable. The kind of boy your parents would approve of. The kind that smiled easily and didnât carry storms behind his eyes.
Heâd asked weeks in advance, red-faced but hopeful. You had said yes because it was simple.
Because Sunghoon hadnât asked.
In fact, he hadnât said anything at all when invitations began circulating. No jealousy. No claim. Not even curiosity. Just that same unreadable expression he always wore when he was thinking too much.
You told yourself it didnât matter.
The night of the Yule Ball, the Great Hall was transformed â floating candles suspended beneath an enchanted winter sky, snow drifting lazily along the ceiling, frost-kissed trees lining the walls. Music swelled from the corner where instruments played themselves in elegant harmony. Students glittered in dress robes and jewel-toned gowns, laughter echoing against marble floors.
You felt beautiful. Confident.
Your date was attentive, polite. His hand rested at your waist as you danced, guiding you through the rhythm.
And yetâ You felt it.
Across the room. A weight.
Your eyes found him without trying.
Sunghoon stood near one of the ice sculptures, half-shadowed by flickering candlelight. Dark robes tailored perfectly to his tall frame. Hair pushed back just enough to reveal the sharp lines of his face. He wasnât smiling. He wasnât dancing. He was watching.
Not the room though. No he was watching you.
You looked away first.
The music shifted into something slower. Your dateâs hand slid lower on your waist â just slightly. Enough to be noticeable. Enough to feel presumptuous.
âYou clean up nicely,â he murmured near your ear, breath warm against your skin. His fingers pressed a fraction too firmly against your hip.
You stiffened.
It wasnât overtly inappropriate. But it wasnât respectful either.
Across the ballroom, Sunghoon went very still. The kind of stillness that meant calculation.
You barely saw the movement. Just a subtle shift of his wrist. A controlled flick.
Your dateâs foot caught on absolutely nothing. He pitched forward, balance vanishing beneath him as though the floor itself had betrayed him. Robes tangled. Shoes scraped uselessly against polished marble.
He went down hard.
A ripple of gasps. Then laughter.
Your date scrambled upright, face burning crimson, muttering something about slick floors.
You excused yourself with an apologetic smile and crossed the ballroom, ignoring curious stares. The music swelled behind you, but it felt distant now.
You found him near the edge of the Hall, partially obscured by the silver branches of an enchanted tree.
âYou hexed him,â you said quietly.
âYes.â No hesitation. No attempt to deny it. âHe was inappropriate.â
Your brows lifted. âI couldâve handled it.â
âI know.â
That answer threw you.
You expected defensiveness. A justification. Instead, his voice remained calm.
He stepped closer. Close enough that you felt the warmth radiating from him despite the winter air drifting through the enchanted doors.
âI didnât want you to,â he said. âHe touched you like he thought you owed him something.â The possessiveness wasnât loud. It was precise.
âAnd you think I owe you?â you challenged softly, though your voice lacked bite.
His gaze locked onto yours.
âNo.â A pause. âI think youâre mine.â The words werenât playful. They werenât flirtatious.Â
Your heart hammered so loudly you were certain he could hear it.Â
âYou donât get to decide that,â you whispered.
âI already did.â
You should have stepped back. You should have bristled. Instead, warmth flooded your chest. It wasn't like he wasnât claiming control over you, but like he was claiming commitment to you.Â
The difference mattered.
He leaned down slowly â giving you time to move if you wanted to.
You didnât.
When his lips met yours, it wasnât rushed. It was controlled intensity. Like he was memorizing the feeling.
Your fingers curled into the front of his robes, pulling him closer without thinking, while his hand slid to your lower back, anchoring you there.
When he finally pulled back, his forehead rested briefly against yours.
âYou shouldâve told me,â he murmured.
âTold you what?â
âThat he asked you.â
Your heart skipped.
âYou never asked me.â
His jaw tightened slightly. âI donât compete,â he answered quietly.
You smiled faintly. âThatâs arrogant.â
From that night on, there was no ambiguity. You were together. And together, you were formidable. You loved him. Not because he was gentle. But because when he chose something â or someone â he never did it halfway.
You didnât see the warning signs. You didnât question the intensity.
You were young and in love.
And completely unaware of how dangerous it would become when the world outside Hogwarts demanded something darker from him.
The change began in the summer before sixth year, subtle and insidious, like ink bleeding slowly across parchment.
You didnât notice it immediately â how could you, when you were separated by distance and the obligations of separate worlds? Letters had always been your bridge. His used to arrive heavy with detail: sharp observations about Ministry decrees he found illogical, notes on experimental charm variations heâd tested in the quiet of his family estate, even the occasional dry remark about a tedious pure-blood gathering where politics masqueraded as polite conversation. He wrote in that precise, slanted script, filling margins when the page ran out, as if he couldnât bear to leave anything unsaid.
Then the replies grew shorter.
Not colder, exactly. Still polite. Still him in their careful construction.
Iâm well.
Studying.
Family obligations are tedious.
Donât do anything reckless.
You stared at the sparse lines, turning the parchment over as though more might appear on the reverse. You told yourself it was the pressure of summer â pure-blood families demanded appearances, alliances, endless dinners where every word was weighed like galleons. You knew that life. You lived echoes of it yourself. So you wrote longer letters in response: the Kneazle at your creature assessment internship that nearly took a chunk out of your sleeve, the new hex variation youâd been perfecting (more elegant containment, less backlash), how the days felt longer without him near.
He never acknowledged those parts.
The train ride back to Hogwarts should have felt like returning to solid ground.
The platform at Kingâs Cross thrummed with familiar chaos â trunks clattering over stone, owls hooting indignantly from cages, students calling greetings across the steam. The scarlet engine huffed impatiently, ready to pull away.
You stepped onto the Hogwarts Express with that old thrill sparking in your chest, scanning the corridor instinctively.
There he was.
Sunghoon stood near the far end, posture rigid, dark robes immaculate. He looked⊠honed. Leaner, sharper, as though the summer had stripped away anything soft. His features stood out more starkly â high cheekbones, jaw set in quiet tension, dark hair pushed back.
Your heart lurched forward before your feet did.
You wove through the crowd.
âSunghoonââ
He turned.
For the briefest instant, something flickered in his eyes â relief, perhaps, or recognition so raw it almost hurt to see. Then it disappeared.
âYou look well,â he said. The words sounding practiced, like lines from a script he didnât entirely believe. No smile. No step toward you.
You tried for lightness. âYou look like you forgot how to write more than two sentences.â
His gaze flicked down the corridor â scanning faces, checking distance â before returning to you.
âI was busy.â
âWith what?â
âThings.â
The train lurched into motion. Compartments filled with chatter. You reached for his hand out of long habit.
He let you take it. But his fingers didnât curl around yours the way they used to. The grip was there â present, but restrained. Distant. Like he was permitting contact rather than returning it.
You told yourself it was nothing.
The first weeks of sixth year unwinded in small fractures.
He still walked beside you to classes. Still claimed the seat next to yours in shared classes. Still dismantled questions with that same surgical intelligence. But he no longer lingered.
After lessons, he rose quickly. âI have something to handle.â
âWith who?â youâd ask, keeping your tone casual.
âIt doesnât concern you.â
The phrase settled between you like a wall, repeated often enough to feel rehearsed.
He stopped the small touches, no idle tracing of your wrist while you read side by side, no hand at the small of your back when corridors grew crowded. He stood near, but the space between felt hollow. Air where warmth used to be.
When another student flirted with you â bold, harmless â he didnât react. No sharpened stare. No quiet step forward. He simply watched, detached, expression unreadable.
That detachment cut deeper than any flash of jealousy ever had.
One night in the library, the air thick with dust and candle smoke, you couldnât hold it in any longer.
âYouâre distant.â
He didnât lift his eyes from the page.
âIâm studying.â
âThatâs not what I mean.â
Silence.
You reached across the table and gently closed the book in his hands.
âTalk to me.â
His jaw flexed, then he looked up at you. His eyes werenât cold. They were exhausted â shadowed beneath, darker than you remembered, as though sleep had become optional. His shoulders carried perpetual tension, braced for impact.
âYouâre overthinking,â he said quietly.
You searched his face for the boy who once told you he didnât underestimate you.
âAre you pulling away from me?â The question landed heavy.Â
For a heartbeat, vulnerability cracked through, then it vanished, sealed behind composure.
âNo.â
But he didnât reach for you. Didnât soften the line of his mouth. Didnât offer the reassurance you ached for. The absence of those things hurt more than any denial.
You began noticing the edges of something larger.
Whispers among certain pure-blood circles. Quick glances exchanged in corridors. Conversations that broke off when you approached. Sunghoon spent time now with people he once dismissed â sons of old families, names that lingered in the darker corners of wizarding news.
âYouâve made new friends,â you said once, trying to keep it light.
âTheyâre useful.â
Useful. The word landed like a curse.
You worried. But pride and trust kept you from chasing.Â
Sunghoon had always been intense. Maybe this was simply⊠evolution. Family pressure. Sixth-year expectations. The weight of futures already mapped out.
You decided to give him space.
You stopped reaching first. Stopped asking where he disappeared to. Stopped pressing when he drew the line with âIt doesnât concern you.â
You smiled in public. Threw yourself into studies, into Auror training, into anything that filled the hours without requiring you to name the growing silence.
At night, though, alone in your dormitory, the questions returned.
You would lie awake, staring at the ceiling as moonlight spilled through the window, replaying every small shift: the way he flinched â just barely â when your fingers brushed his forearm once; the way he scanned corridors before speaking your name; the gradual cooling of his voice.
Love didnât vanish overnight, you told yourself. People changed under pressure. Brilliant minds bent strangely under strain.
But distance, once offered, sometimes refused to take root.
You tried. Gods, you tried. In the weeks that followed, you became an expert in finding ways to avoid most interactions. You arrived to class three minutes late so the seat beside him was already taken by someone elseâusually a wide-eyed third-year who didnât know better when you smiled apologetically and claimed the far end of the row. You lingered in the library only until the candles burned to half-height, then packed your things with brisk efficiency before he could suggest walking back together. In the corridors you kept your eyes forward, chin high, laughter a little louder when your friends surrounded you, as if volume alone could fill the hollow space he used to occupy.
You told yourself it was kindness. Space. The gift he seemed to want.
He never thanked you for it. Instead, the opposite began to happen.
At first it was small things, easy to dismiss as coincidence. He appeared at the entrance to the Great Hall just as you were leaving breakfast, falling into step beside you without a word, his shoulder brushing yours once, twice, before you could widen the gap. When you chose a different table in the libraryâtucked and out of sightâhe was already there the next evening, book open to the exact page you needed, as though heâd known your research schedule better than you did.
You tried harder.
You stopped going to the Astronomy Tower at midnight, the place that had once been yours without discussion. You joined a study group for NEWT-level Potions that met three evenings a week in the dungeonsâloud, crowded, safe. On the fourth night, you slipped out early, expecting an empty corridor.
But it wasnât.
He was leaning against the stone wall opposite the dungeon stairs, arms folded, silver prefect badge catching the torchlight like a warning. The same unreadable expression, but something sharper beneath it now. Tension in the line of his jaw. A muscle ticking once, twice.
âYouâre avoiding me,â he said.Â
You paused mid-step, heart lurching against your ribs. âIâm giving you space. You saidââ
âI didnât say disappear.â His answer came faster than usual.Â
The corridor felt suddenly narrower. Torch flames flickered as though the air had shifted. You swallowed. âIâm not disappearing. Iâm⊠respecting your boundaries.â
His eyes narrowed fractionallyâthe only crack in the composure. He pushed off the wall in one fluid motion and closed the distance until only a handspan remained between you. Close enough to see the faint shadows under his eyes, the way his lashes cast spidery lines across his cheeks in the low light.
âMy boundaries,â he repeated, tasting the word like it was foreign. âIs that what you think this is?â
You lifted your chin. âYou flinch when I touch you. You vanish for hours and come back smelling like rain and smoke. What else am I supposed to think?â
For a moment he said nothing. Just looked at youâreally looked, the way he used to when the whole world narrowed to just the two of you. Then his hand moved, slow enough that you could have stepped away. His fingers brushed your wrist, then closed around it.
âI donât want space,â he said. The words were barely above a whisper, but they landed like a spell. âI never asked for space.â
âThen what do you want, Sunghoon?â Your voice cracked on his name despite every effort to keep it steady. âBecause youâre pulling away and holding on at the same time and I canâtâI canât breathe in the middle.â
His thumb traced once over the pulse point at your wrist, feeling the frantic beat there. Something fractured in his expressionâbrief, almost invisible, but you caught it. The same flicker youâd seen on the train platform the first day back. Relief edged with pain.
âI want you here,â he said. âEven when I canât⊠even when I shouldnât.â His free hand lifted, hesitated, then tucked a stray strand of hair behind your ear with a gentleness that contradicted every sharp line of his posture. âI need you close enough that I can still see you. Still know youâre safe. Stillââ He stopped. Swallowed. âStill feel like Iâm not completely gone.â
You could feel the tremor in his fingers against your skin, the way his breathing had shallowed. This was the boy who never made spectacles, never raised his voice, never admitted weaknessâand yet here he was, confessing in a dungeon corridor that smelled of damp stone and old potions, that the distance youâd offered was carving him open.
You should have pulled away. Should have demanded answers. Instead your free hand rose of its own accord and settled against his chest, right over the place where his heart hammered beneath layers of wool and restraint.Â
âYouâre scaring me,â you whispered.
âI know.â His forehead dropped to rest against yours. âIâm scaring myself.â His gaze traced every line of your face as though he were memorizing it again: the arch of your brows, the curve of your mouth. He looked at you like you were the last solid thing in a world that had begun to slip through his fingers.
His handâthe one still wrapped around your wristâlifted slowly, until his fingertips grazed the edge of your jaw. He tilted your face up the barest fraction, the gesture was so careful it almost hurt.
Then he closed the distance.
His lips brushed yours onceâsoft, testing, almost a question. When you didnât pull away, didnât push away, he pressed again, firmer this time. Still slow. But the restraint was fraying; you could feel it in the tremor that ran through his fingers, in the way his breath hitched against your mouth.
You didnât kiss him back.
You let him have thisâlet him pour everything he couldnât say into the careful press of his lips, the way he lingered at the corner of your mouth as though afraid to demand more. His other hand came to your waist, fingers splaying wide, anchoring you against the cold stone wall at your back without caging you. He kissed you like he was apologizing. Like he was asking permission with every slow slide of his mouth over yours.
And thenâhe pulled you closer.
One decisive tug, erasing the last sliver of space between your bodies. Your chest pressed flush to his, the hard planes of him meeting the softer give of you, and something inside you simply gave way.
You melted.
The resistance youâd been clinging to dissolved in a rush of heat and want and relief so sharp it bordered on pain. Your lips parted on a soft, involuntary sound, and you kissed him back.
Your arms moved without conscious thought. Up. Around his neck. Fingers sliding into the dark silk of his hair at the nape, threading through the strands he kept so ruthlessly neat. You tuggedâjust enoughâand he groaned.
The sound vibrated against your mouth, low and rough and wrecked. It sent a shiver racing down your spine. His control snapped another fraction; the hand at your waist tightened, the other sliding up to cradle the back of your neck. Long fingers curled around the column of your throat, guiding your head exactly where he wanted it so he could angle deeper.
The kiss turned molten.
His tongue slipped past your lips, slow at first, exploratory, tasting you like he was relearning every inch. Your fingers tightened in his hair, pulling him closer still, and he answered with a low sound that made your knees threaten to buckle.
His free hand began to wander, skimming up your side, thumb brushing the underside of your breast through fabric before continuing, mapping the line of your ribs, the dip of your waist, the sharp edge of your shoulder blade. You arched instinctively into the touch, and he took advantageâpressing you harder against the wall, thigh sliding between yours just enough to make you gasp into his mouth.
Your palms slid down from his hair to the broad span of his shoulders, feeling muscle that hadnât been quite so defined last year. Heâd always been lean, elegant, precise. Now he felt lethal. Like a blade that had finally been sharpened to its full edge.
Another groan rumbled through him when your nails dragged lightly down his back. He retaliated by sucking your bottom lip between his teethâgentle, then firmerâuntil you moaned, the sound swallowed by his mouth.
Sunghoonâs mouth left yours only long enough to drag hot, open kisses along your jaw, his teeth grazed the sensitive spot just below your ear and you arched.
You retaliated by sliding your hands under his robes, over the crisp white shirt he always kept buttoned to the throat like armor, his abdomen contracted under your touch, a sharp inhale escaping him when your nails scraped lightly just above the waistband of his trousers. He was breathing unevenly now. You felt the evidence of how much he wanted you pressing insistently against your hip, and the realization sent a fresh wave of heat pooling low in your belly.
His fingers found the first button of your shirtâpopped it open with a deft flick. Then the second. Cool air kissed the newly bared skin of your collarbone, your sternum, and he followed it with his mouthâkissing a slow path downward until your head tipped back against the wall with a soft thud. Your shirt hung half-open now, one side slipping off your shoulder with your robe. His hand slid inside, cupping the soft swell of your breast through the thin fabric of your bra, thumb brushing over the peak until it hardened under his touch and you whimpered his name.
âQuiet,â he murmured against your skin, voice wrecked, but the command lacked its usual steel. It sounded more like a plea. âSomeone couldââ
You cut him off by tugging his shirt free of his trousers and dragging your nails down his sides, harder this time. He bucked against you onceâinstinctive, helplessâand then his mouth was back on yours, tongues sliding together in a rhythm that matched the frantic press of hips. His free hand dropped to your thigh, hitching your leg up around his waist so he could settle more firmly between them. The friction was devastating. You rocked against him without thinking, chasing the pressure, and he groaned so deeply it felt like it came from the center of his chest.
His belt buckle clinked softly as he shiftedâfingers fumbling for the zipper of his trousers with less grace than usual. You helped, impatient, your hand brushing over the hard length of him through fabric before he managed to free himself. The sound he made when your fingers wrapped around himâlow, broken, almost painedâsent a shiver racing through you. He thrust shallowly into your grip once, twice, forehead dropping to your shoulder as though the sensation had short-circuited every thought heâd ever had.
You were both lost in it nowâclothes askew, breaths mingling, bodies straining toward the same desperate edge. His hand slipped beneath your skirt, fingertips teasing along the edge of your underwear, pressing just enough to make your hips jerkâ
A sharp, indignant meow.
High-pitched. Close. Too close.
You both froze.
Mrs. Norris stood at the end of the corridor, tail lashing, yellow eyes gleaming with accusation in the torchlight. Her thin, mangy frame was silhouetted against the flickering flames, ears flattened, mouth open in another warning yowl that promised Filch wasnât far behind.
Reality crashed in like ice water.
Sunghoon swore under his breathâviciousâand released you so fast you nearly stumbled. You scrambled back against the wall, hands flying to your shirt. Fingers shook as you fumbled buttons back into place, missing the first one twice before managing to close the top enough to look halfway decent. Your bra strap had slipped down your shoulder; you yanked it up, cheeks burning.
Sunghoon moved with the same frantic efficiency. He tucked himself back into his trousers with a wince, zipped up, fastened his belt in one swift motion. His shirt was still untucked, hair mussed beyond repair, lips swollen and glistening. He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand like that could erase what had just happened.
Mrs. Norris hissed again, louder.
âBloody cat,â Sunghoon muttered, voice hoarse. He grabbed your wrist and tugged you toward the nearest darkest alcove, pressing you both into shadow just as distant footsteps echoed from the stairwell. Filchâs wheezy voice drifted down, calling for his infernal pet.
You held your breath, heart hammering so loudly you were sure it would give you away. Sunghoonâs chest rose and fell rapidly beside you, his hand still locked around your wrist like he couldnât bear to let go even now. His thumb stroked onceâunconscious, soothingâover your racing pulse.
The footsteps paused. Mrs. Norris yowled once more, then trotted off toward the sound of her ownerâs voice. The corridor fell silent again.
Neither of you moved for a long moment.
Then Sunghoon exhaledâshaky, almost a laugh.
âWeâre going to get expelled one day,â he said quietly, voice still rough around the edges.
You turned your head just enough to meet his eyes. They were dark, pupils still blown, but the corner of his mouth twitched in something dangerously close to a smile.
âWorth it?â you whispered.
He looked at your mouth then back to your eyes. âEvery damn time.âÂ
He leaned in, pressed one last, slow kiss to the corner of your lipsâsoft this time, almost tenderâbefore stepping back and straightening his robes with shaking hands. âCome on,â he murmured. âBefore they return.â
You followed him on unsteady legs, shirt still crooked, hair a disaster, skin still burning where heâd touched you.
From that night onward, he kept you close.
It felt, at first, like a gift. Like the calendar had flipped backwards, to when every glance carried promise and every brush of shoulders felt like a secret. In the days that followed, he was thereâalways thereâwhenever you came to him.
You slid onto the bench beside him at the Ravenclaw table in the Great Hall one morning, still half-asleep, and before you could even reach for the pumpkin juice, his arm had already draped casually around your shoulders. Just close enough that the warmth of him seeped through your robes, close enough that anyone looking would see the claim without him ever needing to speak it.Â
In the library, he had already claimed your usual table, you came and sat beside him, greeting him lovingly. When your quill rolled off the edge, he caught it mid-fall and set it back. When you leaned over to point out a note, his head tilted toward yours until your temples nearly touched, breath warm against your cheek. Perfect. Attentive. Exactly the boyfriend who once memorized the rhythm of your pulse.
It should have felt like coming home.
But the more it happened, the more you noticed the pattern beneath the perfection.
He never came to you first.
Never.
Not once.
You were always the one to seek him out. You were always the one to slide onto the bench beside him, to claim the chair across from him, to walk the extra corridor to where he usually studied. If you didnâtâif you waited, testingâhe simply⊠wasnât there. He didnât appear at breakfast looking for you. Didnât linger outside your common room. Didnât send an owl asking where youâd gone. He existed in his own orbit, precise and self-contained, and only intersected with yours when you crossed into his path.
And when you did, he became flawless.
Strategic.
The word lodged in your chest like a splinter.
You began to watch him more closely.
His social circle hadnât changed since the summer. If anything, it had tightened. The same cluster of pure-blood studentsâtall, pale, impeccably dressedâ always murmuring in low voices when professors passed. Names that carried old weight: Malfoy, Zabini, Nott, Greengrass, even a Lestrange boy two years above whoâd returned for his NEWTs with a permanent sneer. They spoke of blood status the way other people spoke of Quidditch scoresâcasual, dismissive. Half-bloods were âadequate, at best.â Muggle-borns were âa temporary inconvenience.âÂ
Sunghoon sat among them.
Not loudly. Not performing. But he was thereâlistening, nodding once in a while, offering the occasional dry comment that made them laugh in that sharp, knowing way. When one of them sneered at a Gryffindor first-year whoâd tripped over their own robes, Sunghoon didnât join in. But he didnât correct them either. He simply looked away, jaw tight, and changed the subject.
You hated it.
Every time you caught him at their table, something cold twisted in your stomach. You hated the way their eyes slid over you when you approachedâlike you were an interesting specimen rather than a person. You hated the way Sunghoonâs posture shifted fractionally straighter when you were near. You hated most of all that he still let you pull him away from themâlet you thread your fingers through his and lead him toward the doorsâwithout ever once apologizing for where heâd been sitting.
Because he was smart. Brilliant, really.
He should know better. He did know better. And yet he stayed in their orbit.
You told yourself it was survival. Pure-blood politics were a chessboard, and Sunghoon had always played three moves ahead. Maybe he was gathering information. Maybe he was protecting himself. Maybe he was protecting you.
But the doubt had taken root now, small and poisonous. Because when you werenât thereâwhen you didnât cross into his pathâhe didnât reach for you. And when you did, his perfection felt less like love and more like compensation. Like he was trying to keep you tethered with touches and kisses and murmured promises so you wouldnât look too closely at the company he kept when your back was turned.
One evening in the library, you watched him from across the stacks.
You hadnât meant to hide. Not really. Youâd come looking for a specific volume on advanced counter-curses and the section had offered the perfect vantage. You could see without being seen. Or so youâd thought.
Sunghoon sat at the long oak table near the center of the room, flanked by Nott and Zabini. The three of them formed a closed triangle: heads bent over the same length of parchment, quills moving in lazy unison. From this distance their voices were a low murmur, punctuated by the occasional soft scrape of ink on paper and the rustle of turning pages. They looked like any other group of sixth-years cramming for NEWTs.
Except they werenât.
You noticed it in pieces.
First, the way their eyes flicked outwardânot randomly, but with purpose. A Hufflepuff girl with ink-stained fingers and a second-hand robe walked past, head down, hurrying away. Nottâs lip curled, just enough. He leaned in and muttered something. Zabiniâs shoulders shook once in silent laughter. Sunghoon didnât laugh. But the corner of his mouth twitchedâsmall, almost imperceptible. Then he added something under his breath. Whatever it was made Nott snort outright and Zabini cover his mouth with the back of his hand.
Next came a Ravenclaw boyâlanky, glasses perpetually slipping, the kind of student who always answered questions too eagerly in class. He passed within ten feet of their table, arms full of books. Zabini tilted his head, murmured something about âeager little half-bloods thinking they belong here.â Nott smirked. And then, almost casual Sunghoon spoke.
âCareful,â he said, voice carrying just far enough for you to catch it. âHe might hear you and start crying to McGonagall again.â
The words were dry. Detached. But they landed like a spark on dry tinder. Nott barked a short laugh. Zabini leaned back in his chair, eyes gleaming. The Ravenclaw boy faltered mid-step, cheeks flushing, then hurried faster without looking back.
You felt your stomach turn over.
Sunghoon had instigated it.
Not in the theatrical way some Slytherins liked to perform. But heâd fed it. A single sentenceâperfectly timedâand the others had latched on like wolves scenting blood. He didnât join in the laughter. He simply returned to the parchment, expression serene, as though heâd commented on the weather.
You pressed your back harder against the shelf, heart thudding unevenly. The candle closest to you threw long shadows across your hiding place. You told yourself to leave. To walk away before you saw anything else that would make the splinter in your chest dig deeper.
But you stayed.
Another student passedâa Muggle-born Gryffindor fourth-year, red tie askew, laughing too loudly at something her friend had said. Zabiniâs gaze tracked her like a hawk. He opened his mouth.
Before he could speak, Sunghoon lifted his head slightly.Â
And looked directly toward you.
A tiny, involuntary squeak escaped you, barely audible, swallowed instantly by the libraryâs hushâbut it felt deafening in your own ears.
He couldnât see you⊠could he?Â
You were hidden. Well hidden. Tucked behind two rows of towering tomes on goblin rebellions, half-obscured by a ladder and the angle of the shelf. Your robes blended with the shadows. There was no wayâŠ
And yet his gaze had locked exactly on your position.
For one frozen second his eyes narrowedâsearching, assessingâthen softened in recognition. The faintest curve touched his lips. Not a smile. Something private. Something that said I know youâre there.
Your pulse roared in your ears. Why would he look here? How could he possiblyâ
Nottâs voice cut through the silence, casual and amused.
âOi, Park. Youâve gone soft staring at the shelves again?â He followed Sunghoonâs line of sight, squinting into the gloom. âOr is that your little flower lurking back there?â
Sunghoon didnât flinch. Didnât look guilty. He simply leaned back in his chair, arms crossing loosely over his chest, and let one brow lift in mild interest.
âSheâs not lurking,â he said evenly. âSheâs studying.â
Zabini chuckled low. âStudying us, more like. Must be thrilling, watching the future of wizarding society at work.â
Nott grinned, sharp and lazy. âLucky bastard, though. Perfect girlfriend, isnât she? Loyal. Pretty. Doesnât ask too many questions.â He nudged Sunghoonâs elbow. âBet she melts every time you look at her. Must make the rest of it easier.â
Sunghoonâs expression didnât change.
But you saw itâthe micro-second tightening at the corner of his eye. The way his fingers flexed once against his sleeve. He didnât answer right away. When he did, his voice was quiet. Almost gentle.
âSheâs more than that.â
Nott opened his mouth for another quip, then closed it again when Sunghoonâs gaze slid sideways to him. Something cold and unreadable passed over Sunghoonâs face.Â
Zabini cleared his throat, suddenly very interested in the parchment again. Nott shrugged, smirk fading into something more neutral.
Sunghoonâs eyes returned to the shadows where you stood. He didnât beckon. Didnât call your name. Just held your gaze across the distance until the weight of it became unbearable.
Your heart hammered against your ribs so hard you were sure the sound would carry.
You sighed.
It slipped out before you could stop itâsoft, defeated, the sound of someone who had already lost the argument with themselves. Your shoulders dropped a fraction. The book youâd been clutching like a shield felt suddenly ridiculous in your hands.
And then you stepped out.
One foot, then the other. Candlelight caught on the edges of your robes as you emerged from the alcoveâs gloom into the open aisle. You kept your chin up, eyes locked on his, refusing to shrink even as heat crawled up your neck.
Sunghoonâs gaze sharpened the instant you crossed into the light.
It wasnât the soft, private look heâd worn a moment earlier. This was something elseâsomething honed, possessive, almost predatory. His eyes narrowed fractionally, with the faintest tilt of his head, like a predator acknowledging movement in the grass.
Then he lifted a hand.
Slow. Elegant. Palm up, fingers relaxedâexcept for the index one.
He crooked it.
Once.
A single curl of his finger.
Come here.
The gesture was small. Insignificant to anyone watching who didnât know him. But to you it landed like a spellâsilent, binding, impossible to ignore. Your feet moved before your mind could catch up. One step. Another. Crossing the open floor toward their table as though pulled by invisible thread.
Nott and Zabini noticed. Nottâs smirk widened into something lazy and approving. Zabini leaned back in his chair, arms crossed, watching the exchange like it was private theater staged just for him.
Regret hit you like cold water the second your body obeyed.
Why did you do that?
Why did you let one crooked finger pull you across a crowded room like a summoned house-elf?
Youâd walked to him. In front of them. Because he crooked a finger.
Like you were his. Like youâd always been his.
Nott let out a low whistle, soft enough not to draw Madam Pinceâs attention. âMerlin. That was almost poetic.â
Zabini chuckled under his breath. âShe comes when called. Convenient.â
Sunghoon didnât acknowledge either of them.
You however turned your head just enough to side-eye them.
Nott firstâlounging with one elbow propped on the table, chin resting on his fist, dark eyes glittering with amusement. The smirk hadnât faded; if anything, it had deepened into something smug, satisfied, as though your obedience had confirmed some private bet heâd made with himself. Zabini was worse in his stillnessâarms crossed over his chest, one brow arched in faint, mocking approval. Neither of them said anything more. They didnât need to. Their silence was loud enough: Look at her. Look how easily she folds.
Heat crawled up the back of your neckâanger, embarrassment, a sharp twist of something you refused to name. You let your gaze linger on them a second longer than necessary, letting them see the edge in your expression. Not fear. Not submission. Just cold, quiet warning: I see you too.
Nottâs smirk only widened at the challenge, lazy and predatory, like he found your defiance amusing rather than threatening. Zabini tilted his head, dark eyes gleaming with detached interest, as though you were a particularly interesting exhibit in a glass case.
Before either of them could open their mouths again, Sunghoon moved. Without looking away from your face, without so much as shifting his shoulders, he extended one long leg under the table. The motion was casual, almost lazyâuntil the toe of his polished shoe connected with the side of Nottâs bench. A single, firm push.
The bench scraped back and Nottâs balance vanished.
He pitched sideways with an undignified yelp, arms windmilling for half a second before he hit the floor in a sprawl of robes. A soft thud, followed by the unmistakable clatter of ink bottle rolling under the table. A few nearby heads turned; someone stifled a laugh behind a book.
Nott scrambled up almost immediately, face flushed crimson, mouth already opening on a retort.
Nott recovered quickly, righting himself with exaggerated nonchalance, but the smirk faltered for half a second. Zabini raised both brows, amusement flickering, though he said nothing.
Sunghoonâs attention never wavered from your face.
âSit,â he said. Low. Quiet.Â
You glared at him.
The look you gave him was pure venomânarrowed eyes, lips pressed into a thin line, every line of your body screaming donât you dare think this fixes anything. You wanted to turn on your heel. Wanted to leave him there with his smug friends and his carefully curated distance. Wanted to prove you werenât the girl who came when called.
Your jaw tightened. Your hands curled into loose fists at your sides.
He didnât flinch.
Instead he reached out and hooked two fingers through the belt loop at the side of your skirt. One gentle tug. The impact was soft. Cushioned. Because the second you were close enough, his arm slid around your waist. He drew you in until your side was flush against his, until the length of your thigh pressed along his, until there was no space left for doubt. His hand settled at the dip of your waistâthen drifted lower. Dangerous. The heel of his palm rested just above the curve of your ass, fingers splayed wide enough that the tips brushed the upper swell through your skirt. Not groping. Not crude. Just a claim so blatant it made heat flare low in your belly despite everything.
His scent washed over you in the next breathâcedarwood, clean parchment, the faintest trace of winter air that always clung to him after flying. It curled into your lungs like smoke, familiar and devastating. Your shoulders wanted to drop. Your spine wanted to soften. You hated it.
You let yourself halfway melt anyway.
Your head tippedâjust a fractionâuntil your temple brushed his shoulder. Not forgiveness. Just exhaustion. Just the bone-deep relief of being held when everything else felt like it was slipping.
Nott, back on the bench now, robes askew and pride clearly bruised, let out a low, mocking whistle.
âMerlin, Park,â he drawled, leaning back with renewed amusement. âYouâve got her trained better than a Cruciatus curse.â
Zabini leaned forward, elbows on the table, chin resting on laced fingers. His voice was silk over steel.
âShe looks good like that, though. All flushed and obedient.â His gaze slid over youâslow, appreciative, lingering a second too long on where Sunghoonâs hand disappeared against your side. âIf you ever get tired of the brooding Ravenclaw routine, love, my bench has plenty of room.â
You stiffened.
Sunghoonâs arm tightened around you, then his head turned. When his eyes met Zabiniâs, the temperature in the immediate radius dropped ten degrees.
âShut. Up.â
Nott opened his mouthâprobably to push, because that was what Nott didâbut Sunghoonâs gaze slid to him next. One look. That was all it took. Nott closed his mouth again. Shrugged. Picked up his quill like nothing had happened.
Zabini exhaled through his nose and leaned back, pulling his own book toward him.
âFine. Touchy tonight, are we?â
They both bent their heads over parchment.
They werenât studying. Not really. Quills moved in lazy strokes. Eyes flicked sideways every few secondsâwatching, waiting for the next crack in composure. But they kept their mouths shut. Kept their teasing leers to themselves.Â
Because the message was clear:Â
Sheâs mine. Back off.
You felt the tension in his frameâthe way his fingers flexed once against your side, the way his breathing stayed even despite the storm you could sense coiling beneath his skin.
His thumb stroked onceâslow, soothingâalong the line of your waist.
A silent promise. Or maybe a silent apology.Â
You werenât sure which.
For weeks you triedâreally triedâto give him the benefit of the doubt. You told yourself the library incident was a one-off, a momentary slip under pressure from Nott and Zabiniâs goading. You reminded yourself that Sunghoon had always been sharp-tongued when cornered; it was part of what drew you to him in the first place. The way he could dismantle someone with a single sentence and never raise his voice. You loved that about him. You still did, in the private moments when it was just the two of you and the rest of the world felt far away.
But the moments werenât private anymore.
You watched it happen again and again.
In the corridors between classes, when a nervous Hufflepuff fourth-year dropped their books in front of himâSunghoon didnât help pick them up. He stepped over the scattered parchment, glanced down at the trembling kid, and murmured something low enough that only the cluster of pure-bloods around him caught it. Whatever it was made them laugh loudly. The boy flushed scarlet and scrambled to gather his things alone.
You loved your boyfriend.
You did.
You loved the boy who once hexed your date at the Yule Ball because his hand had rested too low. You loved the boy who kissed you like you were oxygen in a room without air. You loved the way he memorized spell structures and shared them with you in late-night whispers, the way his fingers traced protective runes on your skin when he thought you were asleep.
But not when he was like this.
Not when he let those words slip so easily. Not when he chose silence over correction. Not when he fed the cruelty instead of starving it.
You tried to bring it up.
The first time was in the empty Charms classroom after curfew, moonlight spilling through tall windows, turning the desks silver. Youâd waited until the castle quieted, until it was just the two of you and the faint hum of sleeping portraits.
âSunghoon,â you started, voice low. âThe things you sayâthe things you let them sayââ
He turned from the window where heâd been staring out at the dark grounds.
His expression was unreadable.
Then he crossed the room in three strides.
Before the next word could leave your mouth, his hands were on your waistâlifting, turning, pressing you back against the nearest wall with controlled force. Your breath caught. His mouth crashed into yours, hard and claiming, swallowing whatever protest youâd been forming.
You tried to push backâpalms flat against his chestâbut his body caged you, pinning you in place. His hands roamed. Under your shirt. Along your ribs. Cupping your breasts through fabric until your nipples peaked and you gasped into his mouth. Fingers digging into your hips hard enough to bruise. Drowning every coherent thought.
When he finally pulled backâjust enough to let you drag in airâyour mind was already fogging. Eyes glassy. Lips swollen. Knees trembling.
He looked down at you, smirkingâslow, dark, victorious. âCanât even finish a sentence without melting for me.â
The words should have stung. Should have made you shove him away. Instead heat flooded your core. Your thighs clenched around nothing. A soft, broken whimper escaped before you could stop it.
He chuckledâlow, cruelâand kissed you again. Slower this time. Deeper. One hand sliding down to palm your ass, squeezing hard enough to make you arch. The other fisted in your hair, tilting your head so he could devour your throatâteeth grazing, then biting, marking you in places your collar wouldnât hide.
By the time he let you go, you couldnât remember the exact shape of your argument. Only the taste of him. The ache between your legs. The way your body betrayed you every single time.
It happened again the next weekâŠ
And the week afterâŠ
Every time you tried to confront himâabout the comments, about the company he kept, about the way he let poison seep inâhe turned it into this. Into something so intense it erased everything else.Â
Into him winning. Always winning.
You started coming to class late.
Lips bruised and swollen. Shirt buttoned crooked, collar barely covering the fresh hickeys blooming purple along your collarbone, the faint crescent of bite marks peeking above your tie. Your hair mussed in ways no brush could fix. Eyes still glassy, cheeks flushed, walking with that careful, slightly bow-legged gait that made your friends exchange knowing glances and then look away.
One of them caught your wrist once in the corridor, voice low and worried.
âAre you okay?â
You forced a smile. Nodded. Lied.
âIâm fine.â
You werenât.
You were exhausted.
Torn between the boy youâd fallen in love with and the one who was slowly disappearing into something darker. Torn between the way your body still craved him and the way your heart ached every time he chose silence over standing up.
You stopped trying to bring it up. Not because you agreed. Not because you stopped caring.
You told yourself one day youâd find the strength to surface. One day youâd make him listen without letting him turn your body against your mind.
One day.
But for nowâŠ
For now, you just tried not to look too closely. Tried not to hear the quiet cruelty in his voice. Tried not to notice how the boy you loved was slowly being replaced by someone colder.
Tried not to notice how the relationship tilted, into something slow, insidious, and toxic at the edges. Not broken. Just⊠off-balance. Like a potion left too long over flameâstill drinkable, still sweet in places, but with a bitter aftertaste that lingered no matter how much honey you tried to stir in.
And then the showing-off began.
It started small. A hand on the small of your back as he steered you toward the Slytherin table during free study. Sunghoon didnât ask if you wanted to stay. He simply guided you to the center of the group, sat you beside him on the bench, and rested his arm along you back like a king displaying his favorite trophy.
âLook who I brought,â he said, voice smooth as polished obsidian. His fingers traced idle circles on your shoulder, right where everyone could see. âMy girl.â
The title landed like a claim. Not girlfriend. Not even your name. My girl. Possessive. Proud. Delivered with that quiet, effortless arrogance he wore so well now.
You flushed instantlyâcheeks burning, gaze dropping to your lap. You wanted to shrink. To disappear behind Sunghoonâs shoulder. But he wouldnât let you. His hand slid lower, fingers splaying across your ribs, pulling you closer until your thigh pressed flush against his.
Whenever you tried to pull awayâwhenever the discomfort crested and youâd whisper, âNot here, Sunghoon, pleaseââheâd turn it around so smoothly you almost believed him.
âYouâre ashamed of me?â heâd ask, voice low and wounded, eyes wide with feigned hurt.Â
Youâd shake your head, throat tight, but the words would tangle. Because part of you did want the dark thrill of being claimed so publicly by the boy everyone else feared a little. And he knew it. That's why he used it.
He started taking you to their private gatherings. Heâd walk in with you tucked under his arm like a living accessory, robes slightly askew from the way heâd kissed you breathless in the corridor beforehand. Heâd seat you on his lap in front of everyone, one hand resting casually on your thigh under the table, fingers pressing just enough to make you squirm while they discussed bloodlines and loyalty and power.
You wished you could have spoken up.The words had burned on your tongue. This is wrong. They were right there, heavy and sharp: Blood doesnât decide worth. Everyone at Hogwarts has the right to be here. To learn. To become something greater than the families that birthed them. Muggle-born, half-blood, pure-bloodânone of it matters when a spell lights up the same way in every wand.
You wanted to say it out loud. Wanted to cut through the laughter when they sneered about âmudbloods cluttering up the good seats in Potions.â Wanted to look them in the eye and ask how many generations of âsuperior bloodâ it took before cruelty became tradition. Wanted to stand upâliterally push Sunghoonâs hand off your thigh and standâand remind them that the castle didnât check blood status at the gates. How the Sorting Hat never asked for a family tree.
But Sunghoon wouldnât let you.
It was like he could read the exact moment the rebellion formed behind your eyes. Every single time. His fingers would tighten, a hard press against the inside of your thigh under the heavy oak table, thumb stroking once, twice, right where the hem of your skirt met skin. A silent donât. His other hand would slide up your spine beneath your robes, fingertips tracing the knobs of your vertebrae until you shivered, until your breath caught and the words dissolved on your tongue.
Or worseâheâd kiss you. Right in the middle of someone elseâs sentence. His tongue sliding against yours until your mind blanked and your fingers curled helplessly into the front of his shirt. When he pulled back, your lips would be glossy, your cheeks flushed, and the conversation would have already moved on. The moment was gone. Your courage with it.
He always knew.Â
Sometimes heâd rest his chin on your shoulder, eyes half-lidded, and murmur against your neck, âYouâre thinking too loudly again.â As if your thoughts were something he could taste in the air between you. As if heâd already mapped every moral line you were trying to draw and had decided, long ago, exactly where to blur them.
You started falling down the rabbit hole.
Late at night, alone in your dormitory, the questions gnawed at you like gnats.
Were you even better than them?
You were pure-blood. Old family. Wealth that meant your vault at Gringotts had its own dragon on retainer. Your parents had rooted connections at the Ministry, kept a summer manor where portraits of ancestors sneered down. On paper, you belonged in their circle. You had the blood, the money, the connections.
But your family had never spoken like that.
Your father valued the house-elves with please and thank you. Your mother hired Muggle-born tutors for advanced Arithmancy because âtalent is talent.â You had grown up believing Hogwarts belonged to everyone who could make a feather float on their first try. Blood status was a footnote, not a verdict. You had never looked at a first-year with patched robes and thought lesser.Â
Never.
Yet here you were.
Complicit.
Every time you watched a Hufflepuff girl fall when Nott âaccidentallyâ tripped her in the corridor, you said nothing. Every time Zabini drawled about how âcertain bloodlines dilute the magic,â you bit your tongue so hard it bled. Every time Sunghoon added his quiet, cutting remark, you felt the guilt coil tighter in your stomach like a serpent.
You told yourself you were protecting the relationship. That if you spoke, heâd pull away harder. That you couldn't make him choose. That love meant standing beside him even when the ground turned to quicksand.
But the truth was uglier.
It was getting harder to meet your own eyes in the mirror.
You started avoiding your friends entirely. Started walking the long way around the Great Hall so you wouldnât have to see the Muggle-born students laughing together, unaware of how their joy was being dissected at another table. Started excusing yourself from study groups when the conversation turned to âwhy some families still cling to old prejudices.â
Because every time you opened your mouth to defend someoneâanyoneâthe memory of Sunghoonâs voice in your ear, his mouth swallowing your protests, would rise like a tide. And you would stay quiet.
You hated the person you were becoming.Â
You hated how easily your body still arched into his touch even while your mind screamed this is wrong. You hated the way shame and desire had started to braid together so tightly you couldnât tell them apart anymore.
And still, Sunghoon would turn to you in the empty room, eyes dark and soft all at once, and kiss you like you were the only pure thing left in his world.
âI need you,â heâd whisper against your swollen lips, hands already sliding under your clothes. âStay with me. Please.â
And you would.
Because loving him had become a kind of drowning where you sank a little deeper into that rabbit holeâquestioning your own goodness, your own courage, your own right to judge.
The rest of the year passed like thatâslow, suffocating, a quiet erosion.
Exams came. You aced themâboth of you didâbecause brilliance was the one thing neither of you ever lost. But the victories tasted hollow. You celebrated in empty classrooms instead of the common room, his mouth between your legs while your notes lay scattered on the floor, his name the only word you could remember when he finally let you come. Afterward he would hold you against his chest, and whisper how perfect you were. How no one else could ever understand what you had.
You believed him because believing anything else would have broken you.
End-of-year feasts passed in a blur of house banners and golden plates. You sat beside him at the Ravenclaw table, his arm draped over the back of your chair, fingers occasionally slipping beneath the collar of your robes to brush the fading hickeys heâd left the night before.Â
Then slowly the castle emptied. Trunks rattled down staircases. Owls screeched farewell from the Owlery. You said goodbye to friends with smiles that didnât reach your eyes, promising letters you already knew you wouldnât write. Sunghoon vanished into the crowd the morning of departureâgone before breakfast, no note, no goodbye kiss. You told yourself it was better this way. Cleaner. You told yourself the distance might give you space to breathe, to remember who you were before his hands and his voice rewrote you.
The Hogwarts Express carried you back to Kingâs Cross in heavy silence. You sat alone in a compartment near the back, forehead pressed to the cool glass, watching the countryside blur past. Your reflection looked older, eyes shadowed in a way that had nothing to do with lack of sleep.
Platform 9Ÿ was chaos when the train finally hissed to a stop. Families reuniting, house-elves scurrying with trunks, parents calling names over. You stepped onto the platform last, suitcase heavy in your hand, heart heavier still. You scanned the crowd onceâhalf hoping, half dreadingâand saw nothing.Â
You sighed and adjusted your grip on the handle.
Then arms came around you from behind.
Strong. Familiar. Unmistakable.
You froze for half a heartbeatâthen melted.
Your suitcase slipped from your fingers with a dull thud. Your back pressed into his chest, head falling back against his shoulder as though your body had been waiting for this exact moment all year.
He kissed the top of your head, then his right hand lifted in front of your face.
A small velvet box rested on his palm.
He flicked it open with his thumb.
Inside lay a ring.
Sleek black metalâalmost obsidian in the dim platform lightâshaped like a slender serpent. Its body coiled once around an invisible axis, head raised, tiny navy blue eyes glinting with captured fire. Beautiful in the way only dangerous things can be.
âFor you,â he murmured against your hair, voice rough with something you couldnât quite name. âTo show you my love. My devotion. That no matter what happensâno matter who tries to pull us apartâyouâre mine. And Iâm yours.â
The platform noise faded to a distant hum. The crowd blurred into watercolor. All you could see was the ring. All you could feel was the steady rise and fall of his chest against your back, the warmth of his arms caging you in the gentlest prison.
You turned in his hold.
His eyes were unguarded for once, with zero calculation. Just raw need. Just him.
You surged up and kissed him.
Hard. Desperate. Months of silence and guilt and drowning poured into the press of your mouth against his. He groanedâlow, wreckedâand kissed you back with equal force.Â
When you finally broke apart, gasping, foreheads pressed together, he lifted the ring between two fingers.
âDo you accept it?â His voice cracked on the last wordâbarely, but you heard it.
You stared at the serpent. At the blue eyes that seemed to watch you back. Then you looked up at him.
âYes.â
The moment the word left your lips, the ring moved.
The black snake uncoiled in a fluid ripple of metal, slithering across his palm like liquid shadow. It glided onto your waiting fingerâcool at first, then warming rapidly to match your skin temperature. The serpentâs body wrapped once around the base of your finger, before coiling around. The blue eyes flashed onceâbright, aliveâthen stilled. But you felt it: a faint pulse, like a second heartbeat against your skin. Binding. Eternal.
You stared, stunned.
Sunghoon only smiled before he lifted your hand to his lips. Kissed the ring. Kissed the knuckle just above it. Then pressed another kiss to the inside of your wrist, right over the racing pulse.
You didnât know yet what the ring truly meant. You didnât know yet how tightly its coils would one day bind you.
The holiday passed in a fever dream of snow and silence.
Your familyâs manor was as it always had beenâgrand, glittering, suffocating in its perfection. Crystal chandeliers refracted firelight across marble floors. Portraits of stern ancestors murmured approval when you passed. Your parents asked polite questions about NEWTs and future prospects, never once mentioning the black serpent coiled around your finger like a living tattoo. They noticed it, of courseâthey always noticed everythingâbut they said nothing. Pure-blood etiquette demanded discretion when it came to marks of devotion, especially when the giver came from a family as old and shadowed as Sunghoonâs.
And before you knew it, the calendar had turned.
September 1st arrived cold and sharp. The Hogwarts Express waited at Kingâs Cross like an old promise, scarlet engine huffing steam into the September sky. You stepped onto Platform 9Ÿ with your trunk levitating behind you, heart hammering in a rhythm you couldnât nameâanticipation, dread, braided together so tightly you couldnât separate them.
You found an empty compartment near the middle of the train. Seventh year. Last year. No time to mess around. NEWTs loomed like storm clouds. Auror applications waited in Ministry offices. The war whispers that had once been background noise now felt like thunder rolling closer every day.Â
The door slid open.
You didnât need to look to know who it was.
Sunghoon looked⊠insanely good.
Taller, somehow, though that was impossible. Dark hair pushed back just enough to reveal the clean line of his brow. Charcoal wool hugging shoulders that had broadened another inch, sleeves rolled once to expose the pale skin and the faint shadow of veins. His tie was loose, the knot imperfect, silver-and-blue stripes against crisp white.Â
Before you could open your mouthâbefore you could say hello, or I missed youâhe surged forward.
Three strides. Door slamming shut so hard behind him that the curtains followed with a flick of his wand. The locking charm snapped into place so fast the air crackled.
Then he was on you.
Hands framing your face, thumbs brushing your cheekbones as though mapping something heâd dreamed about all summer. His mouth crashed into yoursâhard, desperate, tasting faintly of peppermint. You gasped against him; he swallowed the sound, tongue sliding in without preamble, claiming every inch like he was reminding you who you belonged to. You clung to the front of his sweater, knuckles white, body already arching toward him like gravity had reversed and he was the only solid thing left in the world.
The kiss turned frantic almost immediately.
Sunghoonâs breathing grew ragged against your lips, little hitches and low groans vibrating between you. His hands slid from your face to your waist, fingers digging in with bruising force, urgent, like he needed to feel solid proof that you were real, here, his. He kissed you harder, deeper, teeth catching your bottom lip and tugging until you whimpered. The sound seemed to snap something inside him.
He broke the kiss just long enough to mutter, hoarse and wrecked, âFuckâI canât wait.â
Before you could process the words, his arms banded around your ribs. In one fluid, effortless motion he lifted you. Your legs instinctively wrapped around his waist for balance; your skirt rode up your thighs as he turned, dropped heavily onto the cushioned bench seat, and pulled you down with him.
You landed straddling his lap, knees sinking into the worn velvet on either side of his hips.
The compartment rocked gently with the motion of the train, but neither of you noticed. Sunghoonâs hands were already everywhereâsliding up your thighs, shoving your skirt higher until the fabric bunched uselessly around your waist. His palms were hot against your bare skin, calluses from Quidditch broom handles dragging deliciously as he gripped the backs of your thighs and yanked you forward until your core pressed flush against the hard ridge straining against his trousers.
You both moaned at the contactâlow, broken sounds that tangled in the air between your mouths.
He surged up to kiss you again, but this time it was messier, hungrier. His tongue stroked yours in filthy imitation of what he wanted to do lower. One hand left your thigh to fist in your hair, tugging your head back so he could drag open-mouthed kisses down your throatâsucking hard enough to leave fresh marks over the faded ones from last term. You felt the sharp sting of teeth, then the soothing lap of his tongue, and your hips rolled forward without permission, grinding down on him in helpless little circles.
âFuck,â he hissed against your collarbone, hips bucking up to meet yours. âYou have no ideaâhow many nights I thought about this. About you like this. On me.â
His hand slid between your bodies, fingers hooking into the waistband of your underwear and tugging the fabric aside. Cool air hit slick skin for half a second before his fingertips found youâsliding through your folds, circling your clit once, twice, then pressing inside with no warning.
You cried outâsharp, needyâand he swallowed it with another bruising kiss.
âShh,â he breathed against your lips, even as he curled his fingers deeper, stroking that spot that made your thighs shake. âSomeone might hear. ThoughâŠâ He smirked, dark and dangerous. âMaybe I want them to. Maybe I want the whole bloody train to know exactly what I do to you.â
You clenched around his fingers at the words; he groaned like youâd punched the air out of him.
âStill so tight⊠Still so fucking perfect.â His thumb found your clit, rubbing circles while his fingers pumped slow and deep. âRide my hand, baby. Show me how much you missed me.â
Shame burned somewhere distant in the back of your mind, but it dissolved under the heat of his touch, under the way his eyes devoured every twitch of your expression. Your hips rocked forward, chasing the pressure, grinding down until the heel of his palm pressed hard against you with every roll. Your hands scrambled for purchaseâfingers threading through his dark hair, tugging until he hissed.
He watched you fall apart, eyes blown black, jaw clenched so tight a muscle ticked in his cheek. The hand not buried inside you gripped your hip hard enough to leave fingerprints, guiding your movements when your rhythm faltered.
âThatâs it,â he rasped. âJust like that. Let me feel you come all over my fingers before I fuck you properly.â
The filthy promise tipped you over.
Pleasure snapped through you like a whip, sharp and blinding. You buried your face in the crook of his neck to muffle the cry, body shaking as you clenched around his fingers, hips stuttering, thighs trembling on either side of him. He worked you through it, murmuring praise the whole time.
âGood girl. So good for me. Missed thisâmissed you clenching around me like you never want to let go.â
When the aftershocks finally eased, he withdrew his fingers slowly, letting you feel every inch. Then he lifted them to his mouth and sucked them cleanâeyes locked on yours the entire timeâtongue swirling around the digits like he was savoring something rare and precious.
You stared, dazed, lips parted, chest heaving.
He smiled and leaned in to kiss you again. You tasted yourself on his tongue.Â
âWelcome back to Hogwarts,â he murmured against your swollen mouth.
The train whistle blew somewhere distantâlong and mournfulâas though warning the world what was coming.
But neither of you cared.
The year had just begun.
And Sunghoon was already claiming every inch of you like he intended to keep you forever.
You really thoughtâfoolishly, desperatelyâthat this could be a normal year.
Seventh year. Last year. The one where everything was supposed to fall into place: NEWTs, career counseling sessions with McGonagall, late-night study marathons that ended in exhausted laughter then desperate kisses against cold stone. You pictured it like a photograph from someone elseâs life: you and Sunghoon walking side by side to breakfast, shoulders brushing, sharing notes, stealing quiet moments in the library without the weight of eyes or expectations pressing in. Normal. Safe. Achievable.
It wasnât like that at all.
Classes started unforgiving. You threw yourself into them with the kind of single-minded focus that had always carried you through. Charms, Transfiguration, Defense Against the Dark Artsâyou aced every practical, every written essay, every drill. Professors nodded in quiet approval. Your classmates whispered that you were âMinistry material,â that the Auror Office would be fighting over your application.
Herbology was the exception. The greenhouse felt like a different worldâhumid, alive in ways that refused to bend to logic alone. Mandrakes screamed when repotted; Fanged Geraniums nipped at your fingers; Venomous Tentacula wrapped around your wrist once and left a bruise that bloomed purple for a week. You struggled. Badly. So you found a tutor: a quiet Ravenclaw fifth-year who spoke to plants like they were old friends and never once looked at you like you were failing. Twice a week in the empty greenhouse after dinner, you repotted, pruned, fertilized. Progress was slow, but it was progress.
Potions, thoughâŠ
Potions should have been easy. Youâd always been competent. But seventh-year NEWT-level was brutalâcomplex brews with thirty-seven ingredients, timing measured in heartbeats, cauldrons that could explode if you so much as breathed wrong. Your first Draught of Living Death came out the color of weak tea instead of smooth pearl. Slughorn raised one brow and gave you an Acceptable with visible disappointment.
You needed help.
And the person who could help best was Sunghoon.
He was brilliant at Potions. Always had been. Precise, intuitive, the kind of student who could identify a misstep in someone elseâs brew from across the dungeon just by the color of the steam. Last year heâd tutored you through sixth-year theory in between classes, his voice low and patient. You thoughtâhopedâthat seventh year could be the same. But it was impossible.
Because you barely saw him.
Now he wasn't like.. gone, no he simply⊠just wasnât there. Wasn't present.
One morning heâd kiss you goodbye outside the Great Hall, lips lingering, promising to meet you after lunch for Potions revision. By dinner he was gone. No owl. No sighting in the common room or corridors. Youâd waitâfirst patiently, then anxiouslyâ asking his housemates if theyâd seen him, but nothing.
Heâd reappear two, sometimes three days later. Tired. Paler. Shadows under his eyes like bruises. Hair mussed in a way that wasnât your fault. Robes slightly wrinkled, as though heâd slept in them.
Youâd corner him immediatelyâheart in your throat, voice shaking despite every effort to keep it steady.
âWhere were you?â
Heâd look at you for one long, aching second. Then the mask would slide back into place.
âSick,â heâd say. âNothing to worry about.â
You didnât believe him.
Not the first time.
Not the fifth.
Not the tenth.
Because the absences grew longer. The excuses stayed the same. And every time he came back, he came back⊠further away.
He touched you less in public. No more casual arm around your shoulders in the corridors. No more hand at the small of your back when crowds pressed too close. When you sat beside him at meals heâd let you lean against him, but his arm stayed on the table instead of around you. His smiles were smaller. His kissesâwhen they happenedâwere quick, almost perfunctory, like checking a box.
Conversations became clipped. Surface-level. He asked about your day, listened to your answers, but never offered his own. When you tried to pressâabout the absences, about the shadows in his eyes, heâd shut it down.
âNot now.â
âIâm fine.â
âStop worrying.â
Each refusal landed like a small cut. Shallow at first. Then deeper. Until the worry became something constant, something that lived under your ribs and made it hard to breathe when he wasnât there.
You started crying in the shower so no one would hear. Started gripping the ring on your finger until your knuckle turned white, as though the serpent could somehow summon him back. Started lying awake at night staring at the canopy, replaying every disappearance, every excuse, every time heâd looked at you like he was memorizing your face before walking away again.
It broke you. Like ice cracking under too much weight.
You still aced Charms. Still smiled in the Great Hall when friends asked how you were.
But inside, the drowning had returned. Colder this time.Â
Because the boy who once claimed every inch of you like he intended to keep you forever was slowly slipping through your fingers. And every time you reached for him, he gave you the same soft, tired lie:
âNothing to worry about.â
You worried anyway. You worried until the worry became the only thing that felt real, it clung to you like damp robes after a stormâpersistent, chilling, impossible to shake off no matter how tightly you wrapped yourself in denial.
It followed you through autumnâs golden decay and winterâs brittle frost. Every morning you woke with the same hollow ache in your chest, checking the foot of your bed for an owl that never came, scanning the Ravenclaw table at breakfast for the familiar dark head that was increasingly absent. Sunghoon became a ghost in his own life. He still appearedâenough to keep the rumors from explodingâbut never for long. A quick kiss in an empty corridor before vanishing again. A hand brushing yours under the table in the Great Hall, then gone before you could lace your fingers through his. Notes left on your pillow in that precise, slanted handwriting: Library tonight? followed by nothing when you arrived.
When he did speak to you, his voice was flatter, stripped of the warmth that once lived beneath every word. He answered questions with single syllables. He stopped initiating touch. Stopped pulling you onto his lap in the courtyard. Stopped whispering filthy promises against your throat until you were trembling.
You told yourself it was the war whispers growing louder. The disappearances were Order business, or family business, or something he couldnât share yet. You told yourself that the distance was temporary. Protective.
But the worry didn't go away. It lived in your throat like a stone. It woke you at 3 a.m. staring at the canopy, replaying every half-smile, every excuse, every time heâd looked at you like he was saying goodbye without words. It made your hands shake when you brewed potions, your cauldron bubbling over more than once because your mind was elsewhere.Â
By March the castle felt colder than the grounds outside. The snow had melted into gray slush; the sky stayed low and leaden. You were going crazy thread by thread, and Sunghoon was the only one who could have stitched you back togetherâbut he was never there long enough to try.
You finally had enough on a Thursday afternoon when the sun broke through for the first time in weeks, weak and watery, turning the courtyard into a patchwork of pale light and long shadows.
He was thereâmiraculouslyâsitting on the low stone wall near the fountain, elbows on his knees, staring at nothing. Robes open at the collar, tie loosened, hair falling into his eyes. For one stupid, hopeful second your heart leapt the way it used to.
You crossed the courtyard without thinking. Grabbed his wristâharder than you meant toâand pulled.
âCome with me.â
He looked up, startled. Opened his mouthâprobably to brush you off with another Iâm busyâbut something in your expression stopped him. He let you drag him away from the curious stares of a few lingering fourth-years, through an archway, down a narrow passage lined with dusty tapestries, into a small, forgotten study room that smelled of old books and forgotten ink.
You slammed the door behind you then you turned to face him.
âWhat is your problem?â
Your voice cracked. You hated itâhated how small you sounded, how desperateâbut the dam had broken.
Sunghoon leaned back against the nearest desk, arms crossed, expression carefully blank.
âThereâs no problem.â
âDonât!â You stepped closer. âDonât lie to me again. You disappear for days. You come back looking like death. You barely look at me, barely touch me, barely speak to me. Youâre pulling away and I can feel it every single second and Iâmââ Your voice broke again. âIâm losing my mind, Sunghoon. Tell me whatâs wrong. Please.â
He looked awayâjaw tight, throat working once. âNothingâs wrong.â
âStop it!â The shout surprised even you. You closed the distance until you were inches from him, hands fisting in the front of his robes. âStop treating me like Iâm stupid. Like I canât see it. Like I donât feel it every time you leave without a word. Iâm your girlfriend! Iââ Tears burned hot behind your eyes; you blinked them back furiously. âI love you. And youâre letting me drown. Just tell me. Whatever it is. I can handle it. Just donât keep shutting me out.â
For a long moment he said nothing.
Then something cracked.
His hands came upâfast, almost violentâand gripped your wrists, yanking them off his robes. His eyesâthose eyes youâd once thought held entire galaxiesâwere stormy now.Â
âYou want the truth?â His voice was low at first, dangerous. âFine.â He stepped forward, forcing you back until your spine met the wall. He didnât cage you with desire. This was different. This was anger. This was something breaking.
âI fell out of love with you.â
You froze. Breath stopped. Heart stopped. Everything stopped.
He stared down at youâchest rising and falling too fast, eyes glittering with something that looked dangerously close to tears.
âI tried,â he said, quieter now, voice cracking on the edges. âI tried so fucking hard! Every time I came back I told myself I could still feel it. That I could still want you the way I used to. But itâs gone. Itâs just⊠gone.â
You shook your headâsmall, helpless jerks.
âNo...â
âYes.â He laughed onceâharsh, hollow.
The tears were falling freely nowâhot, unstoppable, dripping from your chin. You didnât bother wiping them away. What was the point? He was already looking at you like you were something he used to care about. Something heâd outgrown.
Sunghoon stepped back. Just one step. Enough to put space between you that felt like miles.
âYou think I like this?â His voice dropped lower, colder. The warmth that once lived in it had frozen over completely. âYou think I enjoy watching you cry every time I walk away? You think I donât see how pathetic itâs become? How you cling to me like Iâm still the same boy who kissed you in the Great Hall like the world was ending? Newsflashââ He spat the word like venom. ââthat boy died the first time I came back and realized I didnât miss you. Not the way I was supposed to.â
Each sentence landed like a slap. You pressed your back harder against the wall, as though the stone could absorb some of the pain.
âYouâre suffocating,â he continued, merciless now. âYou hover! You wait! You look at me like I owe you answers I donât have. Like love is a fucking contract I signed and forgot to renew! I canât breathe around you anymore. Every time you open your mouth to ask where Iâve been, every time you touch me like youâre scared Iâll vanish againâit just reminds me how much I donât want this. How much I donât want you.â
The black serpent on your finger pulsedâsharp, frantic, like it was trying to protest. You looked at it, but your vision was blurring.
Sunghoon followed your gaze. His jaw tightened.
âThat ring?â He laughed againâbitter, empty. âI gave it to you because I thought it would keep you. But it didnât work. Nothing works. Youâre still here, still begging, still crying, and I still feel nothing⊠Itâs over, don't bother trying to change my mind.â
He didnât wait for your response. Didnât give you time to argue, to plead, to scream. He simply turned away, robes swirling once, and walked out.
The door shut behind him with a loud slam.
Your knees hit stone. Your palms pressed flat against the cold floor. And then the sobs cameâugly, wrenching, tearing out of your chest like something alive. You curled in on yourself, forehead to knees, arms wrapped tight around your middle as though you could hold the pieces together.Â
You cried until your throat was raw. Until the tears ran dry and left salt tracks on your cheeks. Until the room felt too small and too big all at once.
You didnât knowâcouldnât knowâthat Sunghoon hadnât gone far.
Heâd walked blindly through corridors, past startled portraits and flickering torches, until he reached the seventh-floor corridor. The blank stretch of wall opposite a tapestry. He stopped. Pressed his forehead to stone. Closed his eyes.
The door appeared almost instantly.
The Room of Requirement opened for him like it had been waiting.
He stepped inside and the door sealed shut behind him with a soft, final thud.
For one heartbeat there was silence.
Then he shattered.
A loud shout ripped out of him, furious and broken. He spun and slammed his fist into the nearest surfaceâa wooden table the room had conjured, already cluttered with potion vials and spellbooks he didnât want. The table cracked. Vials exploded in sprays of glass and liquid. He didnât stop.
He grabbed a chair and hurled it against the far wall. Wood splintered. He kicked over a bookshelfâtomes and books tumbling like dominoes. He picked up a heavy crystal orb the room had provided (for what purpose he didnât care) and smashed it against the floor. Shards flew. He stepped on them, grinding them under his heel.
He then sank to his knees in the wreckage.
The first sob came quietlyâalmost surprised. Then another. He pressed the heels of his hands to his eyes like he could force the tears back inside. His shoulders shook. His breathing came in ragged gasps.
âI lied,â he whispered to the empty room. âI liedâI liedâI liedââ
The words dissolved into another broken cry.
He curled forward until his forehead touched the cold stone floorâshards biting into his palms, blood smearing across his skinâand cried like something inside him had finally ruptured beyond repair.
Because he hadnât fallen out of love with you.
Heâd fallen so far into itâso deep, so violentlyâthat the only way he knew how to keep you safe was to make you hate him enough to leave.
The war was coming. The mark under his sleeve had burned hotter every day since summer. The disappearances werenât sickness. They were initiations. Tasks. Orders.
He couldnât drag you into that darkness. He couldnât watch you burn because of him.
So heâd burned the bridge himself.
And nowâalone in a room full of broken things like himâhe paid the price.
He cried until his voice gave out.
Until the room, sensing his exhaustion, softened the floor beneath him into something almost like a bed.
Until the last sob faded into silence.
The first weeks after the breakup were a suffocating collapse.
You didnât speak. Not to your dormmates, not to the professors who asked why you were missing from class, not even to the house-elves who timidly left trays of food by your bed because you hadnât appeared in the Great Hall for days. Words felt like glass in your throat, useless, sharp. So you stayed silent. Curled under your blankets with the curtains drawn tight, staring at the dark canopy until your eyes burned. Sleep came in fits and when you woke, the ache in your chest was still there, heavier each time.
You skipped classes. The ones youâd once aced without effort. You told yourself youâd catch up tomorrow. Tomorrow never came. Food lost all taste; the house-elvesâ carefully arranged plates went untouched until they vanished again. Your robes hung looser on your frame. Your reflection in the dormitory mirror looked like a strangerâhollow cheeks, shadowed eyes, lips perpetually chapped from biting them to keep from crying again.
The first bad grade arrived like a slap.
An Outstanding in Charms had become an Acceptable in Transfiguration. Professor McGonagallâs note was polite, concerned, but the howler from home arrived the next morning, your owl dropping it right in front of you with an apologetic hoot before fleeing.
The scarlet envelope exploded open the second your fingers touched it.
Your motherâs voiceâcold, furious, magnified tenfoldâfilled the room.
ââdisgraceful! You are wasting your potential! After everything weâve sacrificed? After the tutors, the connections, the expectations? You will pull yourself together this instant or so help me you will spend the summer scrubbing cauldrons at St. Mungoâs until you remember what ambition looks like! Do not test us further! Me and your father are ashamedâdo you know what this looks like to the Ministry?âfix this, or donât bother coming home for Easter!â
The parchment shredded itself mid-sentence, scraps fluttering to the floor like dead leaves. You sat frozen, face burning, tears stinging fresh behind your eyes.Â
But something else ignited too.
Rageânot at your parents, not at the howler, but at yourself. At the version of you who had let Sunghoon hollow you out until there was nothing left to fight with.
That afternoon you dragged yourself to the library.
You sat at the same table you used to share with him. Opened every textbook youâd ignored for weeks. Summoned every scrap of willpower you had left and channeled the painâthe sharp, jagged thing in your chestâinto focus.
From that day forward, you rebuilt.
You went to every class. Sat in the front row. Took notes until your hand cramped. Asked questions when you didnât understand. You met the Ravenclaw girl in the greenhouse twice as often as before; the plants didnât judge, didnât leave, didnât stop loving you just because you were hurting. You brewed potions until your cauldron sang perfect colors again. Your grades climbed steadily.Â
You rejected everyone who tried. A Hufflepuff sixth-year left a note in your bag confessing heâd liked you since fourth year. You ripped it at the first word. A Ravenclaw boy from your study group asked you to Hogsmeade the following weekend. You looked him in the eye and said, âIâm not interested.â Polite. No explanations. No room for hope.
You locked everyone out.
Housemates were allowed small merciesâquiet good mornings, shared chocolate frogs during late-night revisionâbut nothing deeper. The world narrowed to your dorm, the library, the great hall, the classrooms. Anything beyond that felt like risk. Like vulnerability. Like another chance to break.
You tried to erase him.
The scarf heâd once draped over your shoulders after Quidditchâinto the fire. The charmed quill heâd given you that never ran out of inkâsnapped in half and discarded. The tiny vial of Amortentia-scented perfume heâd gifted you one Valentineâs poured down the drain, vial shattered against the sink.
You tried to take off the ring.
Every night for a week you sat on the edge of your bed, gripping the serpent between thumb and forefinger, pulling.
The first time it hissedâlow, warning, almost hurt. The metal tightened like a shackle, coiling so hard your skin turned white and pain shot up your arm. You gasped, released it immediately. The snake loosened again, almost apologetically.
You tried again the next night. Same result. Hiss. Tighten. Pain.
By the third attempt you were cryingâquiet, furious tearsâyanking until your skin bruised and the ring refused to budge. You screamed into your pillow. Punched the mattress. Cursed him in every language you knew.
Then you stopped.
You stared at the black serpent curled around your finger, pulsing faintly with something that felt dangerously close to a heartbeatâand whispered, âFine! Stay!â
You told yourself it was because the snake didnât want to leave. That it was enchanted loyalty, nothing more. That you were keeping it out of stubbornness, or spite, or practicality.
But deep downâbone-deepâyou knew the truth.
You were relieved.
Relieved that somethingâanythingâof him refused to let go. Relieved that one small piece still clung to you the way you still, traitorously, clung to the memory of him. The ring was the last tether. The last proof that he had once looked at you like you were everything.
You left it on.
Sunghoon, meanwhile, became a stranger in every way that mattered.
He walked the corridors like a shadow wearing his face. Head down. Shoulders rigid. Robes immaculate but eyes dull. When you passed in hallways he didnât glance up. Not once. Not a flicker. Not even the accidental brush of eyes that strangers sometimes share. You might as well have been invisible. A ghost heâd already exorcised.
You told yourself it hurt less this way.
Yeah⊠you were a liar.
The lie was necessary. It was the only thing that kept your feet moving through the corridors when every instinct screamed to stop, to turn, to force him to look at you even if it was only to see hatred in his eyes instead of nothing. You repeated it like a mantra during the long, hollow weeks that followed: It hurts less if I pretend he never existed. You whispered it while brushing your teeth in the dormitory bathroom mirror, avoiding your own gaze. You muttered it under your breath while walking past the Ravenclaw table and forcing your eyes straight ahead. You clung to it in the middle of the night, when you had to press your palm against your mouth to keep from crying out.
But pain has a way of becoming fuel when thereâs nothing else left to burn.
It pushed you forward.
Through the endless revision sessions in the library. Through the practical exams where your wand hand shook for the first five minutes until muscle memory took over. Through the nights when sleep refused to come and you stared at the canopy, tracing the ghost of his touch along your collarbone until the memory turned sour and you rolled over to bury your face in the pillow.
Before you knew it, NEWTs arrived.
And passed.
You walked out of the last examâPotions, ironicallyâfeeling nothing at first. Just the dull throb of exhaustion behind your eyes and the faint metallic taste of adrenaline fading on your tongue. Results came by owl two weeks later while you were home for a brief break. The envelope was heavy, official, sealed with the Ministry crest. Your parents watched in silence as you broke it open.
Top percentile, the accompanying letter said. Auror recruitment had already flagged your name. An interview was scheduled. A training position awaitedâif you accepted.
Your motherâs eyes glistened for the first time in years. Your father actually smiledâsmall, restrained, but real. They hugged you. Told you how proud they were. How youâd honored the family name. How the Ministry would be lucky to have you.
And you were proud too.
Not the bright, shining pride of someone whoâd won without scars. This was quieter. Harder-won. The pride of someone who had been cracked open, hollowed out, and still managed to stand upright long enough to cross the finish line.
a/n: 6AM. I say thank you. I go sleep. Part 2 will be posted soon. <3
REBLOGS AND COMMENTARY IS APPRECIATED!
synopsis: It was supposed to be a joke. a simple experiment after one too many 'but what if we could' questions. but now the college golden boy is convinced he's in love with you, and you have to figure out a way to remind him he's not. unless, of course, the experiment isn't the reason he can't seem to leave you alone.
wc: 22.1k
warnings: romcom, fluff, humor, hockey captain!sunghoon, a lot of chemistry nonsense that is not realistic or accurate, slow-burn (i did not mean for that to happen but it did so sorry), love potion (?), severe yearning, reader is a bit oblivious, reader is a woman in stem, reader AND sunghoon are down baddd, one scene inspired by âbetter then the moviesâ // p in v, fingering, oral f!receiving, multiple orgasms, soft dom!sunghoon, super sweet and giggly sex (theyâre in love your honor), praise kink
ab thinks... i rewatched descendants and this came to me...so thank ben's rendition of "ridiculous" for this LOL. also the chemistry plot kind of got away from me towards the end but i promise the concept is there! this fic meant so much to me to write. it's one of the longest I've ever wrote, and i seriously think that despite how much i complained about writing this, it helped me fall back in love with writing. special thanks to @arischacco @ickbite @ewstain @heedimples and @clearlyhoonie for listening to me complain while also supporting all my ideas. ily guys ok?
the playlist: "black magic" - little mix / "if only" - dove cameron / "slut" - taylor swift / "supernatural" - ariana grande / "ready to love" - seventeen / âtoo closeâ - enhypen
Itâd sounded like a good idea at the time.
But now, as you watch Park Sunghoonâcampus golden boy and the boy youâve been (secretly) in love with for three yearsâliterally drink your experiment, youâre starting to think you might have messed up somewhere.
Let's start at the beginning, shall we?
âOkay, but, like, what are the odds a person could make a real life potion? Or something like it?â Jungwon asks, eyes racing back and forth on the screen as Harry Potter brings back Cedric's dead body.
Yunjin shoots him a glare, her eyes brimming with tears. âAre you seriously asking that right now? Cedric just died!â
He blinks, eyebrows knitting in confusion. "Weâve seen this movie, like, a hundred times.â
âThat doesnât make it any less sad!â She scoffs, reaching for the throw pillow behind her head and tossing it at him.
It hits him square in the chest, but he barely reacts. Just lets it fall into his lap like it'd always been there. âIâm being serious, though!â
Beomgyu hums, popping another pretzel in his mouth. âIâm pretty sure youâre just thinking of chemistry.âÂ
Jungwon rolls his eyes, shifting in his seat so he can better face the three of you. âI mean like an actual potion. Like ones that make you fall in love or something dumb like that.â
You finally decide to speak up, tucking your feet under yourself and pulling your gaze away from the glowing screen. âYou want to know if itâs possible to make a love potion?â You ask, voice laced with disbelief.
But Jungwon doesnât laugh. If anything, he just looks ten times more serious. âExactly.â
The three of you go silent, glancing between eachother like Jungwon might reveal heâs joking and he knows something like that isnât possible.Â
Right?
See, there's a lot of issues with being a Biochemistry major. Some of the more obvious being that youâre a woman in a male-dominated fieldâwhich is a problem in and of itselfâand the other being that itâs extremely difficult.
But the one people donât talk about is your extreme crave for knowledge. Even if that knowledge has to do with finding out whether or not itâs possible to make a fucking love potion.
And you should shoot the idea down as soon as it comes to your head, really, you should. But thereâs that little flicker in the back of your mind, the one that usually gets you into trouble, that has you saying: âIt wouldnât hurt to try, right?â
(Newsflash: it really, really would.)
Three weeks. Thatâs how long it takes the four of you to work out numerous formulas, some which nearly exploded in your face, others that did nothing at all. It wasnât until you suggested using a bit less magnesium does the whole thing seem to be less far-fetched.
Despite her initial scepticism, Yunjin was insistent on finishing it as soon as possible so that she could make Jayâher second situationship of the monthârealize he was in love with her and finally ask her on a proper date. You couldnât help but feel like maybe that was a little unethical.
Besides, youâd already agreed you werenât actually going to use the substance on real people. Youâd test it on rats, see if it worked, and then go to sleep feeling completely and utterly satisfied.
That was the plan, anyway.
You crossed your legs, pencil tapping against your chin as you read over the equations in your notebook. The experiment was nearly completedâbut you just couldnât figure out how to make sure its effects wore off. Beomgyu had suggested maybe substituting the sodium for something else, but you just werenât sure what.
Jungwon groans next to you, letting his forehead rest against the desk. âRemind me again why electives insist on giving more work than necessary? Like, why do I have to write a 15,000 word essay on the history of the internet?â
You snort, shaking your head slightly as the eraser of your pencil rubs furiously against your paper. âRemind me again why you chose to take a class on the internet?â
He lifts his head up, glaring at you the entire time. âI wasnât aware the curriculum included 15 page long think pieces on the significance of Damn Daniel.â
You really laugh at that, lips curling up in a cheeky smile.Â
You and Jungwon usually had nightly study sessions at the campus library. It was a good way to unwind while also getting some work done. Well, more like you were getting work done and he was decoding Vineâs cultural significance.Â
Itâs hard for you to focus though.
Park Sunghoon is considerably the most beautiful man youâve ever had the pleasure of seeing, with raven hair and a smile that stops girls in their tracks, he has officially claimed the title of Campus Golden Boy and local heartthrob.
So how can you be expected to focus when heâs sitting in front of you, looking like that?Â
Heâs wearing glasses, something you werenât even aware he needed, slightly hunched over his glowing computer screen with an adorable knit in his brow. The sight should be illegal, honestly.Â
You donât even notice youâre staring until Jungwon nudges your foot with his, a knowing smirk on his face. âIf you keep staring at him like that he might think thereâs something wrong with you.â
You immediately flush, forcing your gaze back onto your notebook and trying to ignore the fact that your ears have begun to burn something mean.
âI hate you.â You mumble, fully expecting Jungwon to reply with something witty, but it never comes. Instead, when you lift your gaze up, Sunghoon has left his table and begun to make a beeline for you.
Your eyes widen, throat already closing up and panic swelling deep in your chest. Youâd definitely been caught and now he was going to confront you about your stalker-like behavior. You briefly wonder how long it takes for the police to arrive when theyâre called, because he was definitely coming over to inform you that heâd done just that.
âStop looking like your five seconds away from combusting.â Jungwon whispers, tone strangely serious.
You do your best to straighten your posture and make it look like there werenât three-week-old eye bags under your eyes or a mysterious stain on your sweats, but itâs all futile when he flashes you that smile. The one he gave everyone when he was being friendly, something youâd been on the receiving end of before. But, for some reason, this time it feels different.
This time it feels like the start of something new.
He stops at the other end of your table, hand shooting up in a brief wave. âHi,â He breathes out, âWe have chemistry together.â
You blink. Once. Twice. Jungwon kicks your shin and you remember that you should probably reply. âUhâYeah!â Your voice cracks, tone pitching up higher than you meant it too. You clear your throat with a slight wince, doing your best to give him a smile. âYes. Yeah. We do.â
He chuckles, bringing a hand up to run through his hair. And, wow, maybe Jungwon was rightâyou really are about to explode.
âI was having trouble with this last assignment,â He sighs, clearly exasperated, pointing a thumb back at his computer. âWhat are the chances you might be able to help me?â
Okay. This is fine. Amazing, actually. Youâd finished that assignment the other night and you understood it pretty well, so helping him should be a piece of cake.
At least it would be if you didnât seem to forget everything in his presence. Because you can definitely smell a bit of his cologne right now, sharp and clean, and you think youâre going to die. Yep. Youâre going to pass away from cologne.
âYes,â Jungwon answers for you, already ushering you out of your chair. âShe can help you. Trust me, sheâs crazy smart.â
Your eyes widen, staring at your friend in horror as he practically pushes you out of your chair and closer to Sunghoon.
âI know.â Sunghoon replies easily, tone light. Two words, but theyâre enough to nearly send you melting into the floor.
You do your best to stay composed as Sunghoon leads you back to his table, but you arenât entirely sure youâre even going to be able to think next to him. Which is definitely a little pathetic when you think about it, but seriously, look at the man. You are not ashamed in the least.
Jungwon shoots you two thumbs up, dimples showing as he smiles like heâs just won the fucking lottery. You donât return the sentiment, instead shooting him a harsh glare.Â
Sunghoon pulls out the chair next to his computer for you, and you sit down shakily. Your nerves feel completely shot, face on fire and your palms becoming uncomfortably moist.
He gestures to the problem on his screen, murmuring something about how heâd been stuck on it for the last hour.
You nod along, chewing on your bottom lip. The equation he was stuck on was thankfully something you knew how to do, so after taking a breath and reminding yourself that he is simply a boy and you are a very smart woman, you manage to explain it to him.
âYou put a negative there, but the equations actually positive,â You explain, voice still shaking the tiniest bit, but stronger than it was earlier as you gain back some confidence. âYou also wrote the wrong unit over here.â
Sunghoon listens as you explain everything to him, your hands gesturing wildly and words going a mile-a-minute. Itâs obvious to anyone watching you that youâre passionate about the subject.
By the time you finish, heâs already fixing his mistakes and taking the steps needed to get the right answer.
He shifts closer to you, finger dragging over the paper with a light touch, âIs this right?â He asks, voice barely above a whisper. He says it loud enough that only you hear, eyes flickering over the side of your face.
You feel that familiar flush building when his knee brushes yours under the table, but do your best to swallow it down. âUh, yeah. All you have to do now is figure out the correct configuration, which youâre pretty close to doing, and youâll be good to go.â
He hums, leaning back in his seat and flexing his palms. âHow are you so good at this stuff?â He asks with a laugh, eyes raking over yours like heâs trying to fully understand you.
You swallow, playing with your fingers in your lap. âItâs just always interested me, I guess. Like, the fact that we breathe in air and breathe out carbon? And the earth needs carbon to survive, so really weâre helping power the world. Itâs all just so fascinating to me!â Youâre smiling now, talking animatedly, âItâs difficult, yeah, but itâs also rewarding. Like, watching your experiment work is such a rush and Iââ
You cut yourself off, realizing youâre rambling about fucking chemistry like youâre in love with it. He must seriously regret even asking.
âSorry,â You mumble, nervous laughter bubbling out of you like a defense mechanism.
He shifts, leaning forward onto the table now, face turned so heâs still looking at you. âDonât be sorry,â He reassures, eyebrows lifting slightly. âI was listening.â
Okay, wow. You are seriously either about to throw up and die orâŠyeah thatâs it. There arenât any other options.
By the time you make your way back to your table youâre practically shaking, breaths coming in shallow and rushed, your entire body on fire. You feel like youâre in some weird kind of fight or flight.
Jungwons bouncing in his seat, bottom lip sucked into his teeth. He practically pulls you down next to him, beginning to ask you a million questions, but you canât see him.
All you can focus on is the subtle glance Sunghoon gives you when he leaves.
You shouldâve known something was going to go wrong the moment Beomgyu called you.Â
âI swear Iâve almost figured it out,â He sighs into the phone. You canât see him, but you can tell his nose is scrunched up the way it always is when heâs thinking too hard about something. âI think we got the units wrong, but if we can figure out the correct ones it should work.â
You kiss your teeth, bumping your silverware drawer with your hip and letting it slide shut. Your phone rests snugly between your shoulder and ear, your head tilted uncomfortably to accommodate it. âAre you in the lab right now?â You ask.
Beomgyu hums, âJungwon and Yunjin are here too, but I donât really know why considering neither of them are doing anything to help.â He says sharply, and you can hear the subtle cries of retaliation from your two friends in the background.
You snort, rolling your eyes slightly. âOkay, well,â You sit on your couch, attempting to get comfortable and placing your plate of food in your lap. âIâm gonna eat this and then Iâll be over, okay? Try not to blow anything up before I get there.â
âNo promises.â He groans, tone laced with annoyance, but you know itâs all out of love.
You get there twenty minutes later, hair thrown up and sweats hanging off your body. Very professional, you know.
When you push the metal doors open the first sight that greets you is one youâre quite familiar with. Jungwon and Yunjin fighting with each other over something stupid, and Beomgyu ignoring them like they're his children. Nothing says friendship quite like that.
Yunjin immediately shoots up when you enter, her eyes narrowed with anger. âCan you please tell him that Jay is in love with me before I kill him?â
Jungwonâs quick to follow her, knocking his shoulder with hers so that his frame blocks her from your view. âCan you please tell her sheâs known him for a week?"
You roll your eyes and scoot past them, making your way over to Beomgyu. Heâs diligently writing down formulas; bottom lip sucked between his teeth. He's giving off a mad scientist vibe right now. Or maybe just a stressed-out university student vibe. Both are interchangeable.
You nudge his shoulder to get his attention, but he barely even glances at you. Just continues mumbling out questions like he's expecting the universe to answer him.
âWhat can I help with?â You ask, throwing on your lab coat and snapping on a pair of medical gloves.
He groans, squeezing his eyes shut for a moment. He gestures lazily to the counter top, where a small gatorade bottle is sitting where the glass test tubes usually do. âThose two idiots broke the glass tubes I was holding the liquid in so now I have to use this janky bottle,â He mutters, throwing a glare at Yunjin and Jungwon.
Your experiment was currently sitting in a Blue Crush Gatorade bottle, floating around the bottom unsuspectingly. You snort at the sight, rolling your eyes slightly. âI think they have some extra next door,â You sigh, turning on your heel to go grab them.
But before you can even think about pushing the door open, Sunghoon reveals himself on the other side.
Heâs still in his hockey uniform, helmet hanging from his hand and cheeks flushed a lively pink. You both stand there for a moment, blinking like youâre waiting for each other to make the first move. Jungwon and Yunjin even stop bickering, the both of them staring at you with wide eyes and cunning smiles.
Sunghoon clears his throat, gripping his helmet just the tiniest bit tighter. âSorry for bothering you,â He murmurs, âI, uh, forgot something in here. Just stopping by to grab it.â
Youâre silent for a moment too long, trying to string together a sentence without sounding itâs your first day on earth. It turns out, itâs a bit difficult to do that when Sunghoon is staring at you like that.
Like heâs trying just as hard as you are to not burst at the seams.Â
âCan I scoot past?â he asks, tone small and light, a shy smile playing on his lips.
You swallow, managing a small nod and moving to the side weakly. His fingers brush yours when he scoots past, sending a cool shiver down your spine, one that shouldnât feel as electric as it does.
He waves at Jungwon and Yunjin, who both give him polite smiles, but you can see the way their eyes shine at him. Like they know something he doesnâtâwhich they doâbut still.
Yunjin hurries over to your side as soon as his back is to you, giving you the brightest smile you think youâve ever seen. She grabs your bicep with her manicured hand, squeezing it so tightly you have half the mind to think itâll bruise.
âOh my God,â She whispers, eyes flickering between you and Sunghoon, whose eyebrows seem to be narrowed in confusion as he looks for whatever it is he left. âDid you see the way he looked at you?â
You immediately flush, smacking her lightly on the shoulder. âShut up.â You grumble.
âIâm being serious!â She defends, wiggling her eyebrows. âEven I got butterflies.â
You run a hand over your face, head shaking slightly. âYunjin, seriously, stop talking.â
She laughs, but you canât find it in yourself to laugh with her. Even if Sunghoon was looking at you a certain way, it didnât mean anything. Not when Sophia was still around.
Sophia was the complete opposite of Sunghoon. A rude party girl who assumed the world revolved around her and her perfectly blown-out hair. And somehow, someway, sheâd gotten the dark-haired man wrapped around her perfectly manicured finger.
Their relationship was constantly off and on, mostly because Sophia could never seem to make up her mind on what man she was interested in that week. And Sunghoon, poor, beautiful Sunghoon, always went back to her. Sometimes you wondered if she had some kind of blackmail on him. Or maybe he was just a secret masochist. Both answers were equally concerning.
They seemed to be on one of their breaks right now, but everyone knows it's only a matter of time before she's showing up at his games again. You hate that the thought of it fills your chest with green smoke.
You turn around on your heel to continue your walk to the classroom next door, but the sound of Beomgyu shrieking stops you.
You whip around, half expecting something to have exploded, but instead the sight youâre met with is worlds more alarming.Â
Sunghoon, the campus golden boy and secret love of your life, is drinking your experiment. Literally. Lid to mouth, chugging it like it's water.
Beomgyu rips it from him, but itâs too late. Almost all of the liquid, aside from a few measly drops in the bottom, is gone.
The four of you freeze, watching Sunghoon like heâs grown three heads. But the boy in question just blinks at you with confusion. His tongue flicks out to lick a drop off his bottom lip, eyes flickering between the three of you. âWhat?
Beomgyu takes a cautious step towards him, arm held out like heâs worried Sunghoon might go rabid and lunge at him. âDo you feel anythingâŠstrange?â
Sunghoon swallows awkwardly, lips curving into a concerned smile. âUm,â he murmurs, letting out a nervous laugh. âShould I?â
You share a glance with Jungwon, who just shrugs his shoulders. The four of you are in different stages of shock, because why would somebody drink a mysterious liquid in a lab? What is the thought process behind that?
Yunjin looks like she's holding back a laugh, which isn't that shocking since she always laughs at the most inappropriate times. Meanwhile Jungwon looks nearly amused, like he'd known this would happen, and Beomgyu just looks pissed.
âSunghoon,â Jungwon murmurs, circling the ravenette like heâs studying him, a hand on his chin. âWhy did you drink out of that bottle?â
Sunghoon watches him, head twisting around his shoulder every time Jungwon makes his way out of his line of sight. âBecause itâs mine? I left it here last night.â He answers casually.
Your eyes snap to Beomgyu, watching as his eyes trail down to the bottle in his hand.Â
âYou guys alright?â Sunghoon asks, tone laced with suspicion. Not that you can really blame him.
Yunjinâs the first to answer, a honey-sweet smile on her face. âOh, yeah, weâre good! JustâŠdeadlines. You know how people get.âÂ
Sunghoon nods, eyebrows knit together. âRight,â He mumbles, pursing his lips slightly. His eyes flicker between all of you once more, like if he stares at you long enough one of you might break.Â
When his eyes land on you, he pauses. Itâs just a moment, something you wouldnât have caught if you werenât paying attention, but something you arenât quite sure how to place flashes in his gaze. Something far too real and confusing.
âI should, uh,â He swallows, gesturing lazily towards the door. âI should go.â
You nod, lips parted slightly as he slips past you.Â
Beomgyu clearly wants to stop him and ask more questions, maybe try and keep him for observation, but you shoot him a look that tells him to let it go. Your experiment being gone sucks, yes, but if he seems fine then there isnât any reason to scare him. And if he isnât fine later then you can deal with it then.
Sunghoon glances back at you before he leaves, lips parting like he wants to say something more, but he decides against it. Instead, he pushes the door open and steps back outside, leaving the four of you to try and come to terms with what happened.
Theres a pregnant pause, mostly because you think nobody really knows how to approach the situation. How do you move on with your day after your personal campus celebrity drank your fucking experiment? It's seriously a valid question.
Yunjin clears her throat, arms crossing over her chest. âSo... does this mean I canât use it on Joshua?" She asks, expression completley serious.
Beomgyu lets out a large sigh, fingers squeezing the bridge of his nose like it might ground him. âYunjin,â He murmurs, âShut up.â
She scoffs, rolling her eyes. "It was a genuine question."
Your lips tighten, hand reaching out to give her a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. "You weren't going to be able to use it on him anyway."
"You don't know that!"
You canât help but feel on edge when you walk into your Chemistry lecture the next day, hands gripping your computer tighter than necessary.
Would Sunghoon be here? Would he be okay? Did he die sometime in the night and the campus just wasnât aware? What if the police were waiting for you so they could question you?
What would you even say? Well, you see officer, he kind of drank my experiment. So sorry it killed him! Yeah, no. That wasnât gonna work.
To your relief, there arenât any police officers waiting for you in the lecture hall, and Sunghoon seems to be perfectly fine.
Except, heâs sitting in Yunjinâs usual seat right next to yours.
You immediately pause, heart dropping to your stomach. This has never happened, ever, and you already know it must mean bad news.
Heâs writing something in his notebook casually, hair curling over his forehead in a way that makes him look hand-sculpted by the Gods themselves. Your mouth goes dry, eyes flickering across the room until they land on a sly looking Yunjin. She curls her fingers at you in a sultry wave, like she knows exactly what sheâs doneâwhich youâre sure she does.
And, conveniently, every other seat in the room is full. Which means you have no other choice than to sit by Sunghoon.
Which is perfectly fine. Yep. Itâs fine.
You force yourself to make your way to your seat, feet dragging the entire way, head hanging so that your hair covers your face. Is it a little pathetic? Yeah, definitely. But youâre way past caring.
You try to sit down as incredulously as possible, making sure your body is conveniently facing away from him. And for the first few minutes it works! Sunghoon doesnât glance at you when you open your computer and pull up the assignment, doesnât even blink when you sneeze right next to his ear.
And when you think youâre finally in the safeâfinally feel like you can let yourself relaxâit happens.
Sunghoon turns to you, his cheeks flushed a strange shade of pink, eyes strangely bright and pupils blown, and says in a scarily serious tone, âHow are you, beautiful?â
You donât even register it at first. It feels so absurd, so out of reach that he could even be thinking about saying that to you, that you completely ignore him. You assume he must be on the phone with Sophia, because there is absolutely no way Park Sunghoon just called you beautiful. It just wasnât possible.
But then his foot finds yours under the table, and he starts trying to play fucking footsie with you. You freeze momentarily, brain trying itâs very hardest to catch up with whatever the hell it is thatâs going on right now.
You swallow, finally forcing yourself to look at him. For a moment you really wish you hadnât, because heâs got this cheeky smile going on, like heâs content just being in your presence.
You clear your throat, looking around once more for confirmation that he isnât talking to anyone else. Your pointer finger comes up to point at yourself hesitantly, voice coming out in a small whisper when you say, âAre you talking to me?â
His foot stops nudging against yours now that youâve finally answered him, and his smile widens. âWho else would I be calling beautiful?â
You nearly choke on your own spit, hand flying up to your mouth as you fall into a coughing fit. Sunghoons hand comes up to rub soothingly on your back like heâs done it a million times.
âWhat are you talking about?â You manage between coughs, eyes wide like youâve just seen a bomb go off.Â
Well, this certainly feels like one has.
Your mind can't even make sense of what he's saying. It almost feels like he's speaking another language and you're using google translate to try and communicate with him.
Sunghoon laughs, head shaking as his hand travels up to ruffle your hair. âYouâre so funny sometimes, really. Did you know that? Honestly, Iâve always thought you were the funniest girl Iâd ever met. And the prettiest.â His eyelashes flutter, leaning his cheek onto his hand like heâs got some type of school-girl crush. âI want the whole world to know just how perfect you are.â
Youâre too shocked to even respond, lips opening and closing while you rack your brain for anything to say. This is so out of character for Sunghoon. Not just because his admiration is aimed at you, but because youâve gone to university with him long enough to know he doesnât act like this.
And then it hits you.
The fucking experiment.
You are so screwed.
You clear your throat, glancing around warily. Your professor started lecturing a few minutes ago, but you were so busy with Sunghoon you had no idea what it was he was even talking about.
You suck in a shaky breath, âOkay, listen, I know youâre probably confused right now." You attempt, voice quiet as to not draw any attention to whatâs going on. âBut you drank something you shouldnât have yesterday, which isnât your fault! Me and Beomgyu just have to figure out how to reverse its effects! Unless, of course, it wears off by itself. That would definitely be ideal.â You mumble the last part, bottom lip finding its way between your teeth just like it always does when youâre thinking too hard.
Sunghoon watches you with a dopey smile on his face, clearly not caring about anything that youâre saying. The sight makes your heart stutter, which you know shouldnât happen. Personal feelings about Sunghoon aside, he doesnât actually feel anything for you. He just thinks he does.
âYouâre so cute when youâre focused.â He murmurs, reaching out to tuck a stray strand of hair behind your ear.
Your breath catches when the tips of his fingers brush against your cheek, the touch soft and intentional. He's gazing at you with so much love, so much genuine feeling, it breaks your heart the tiniest bit.
And you wonder for the briefest moment what would happen if you let yourself indulge in this. Even if just for a day. Would it be so bad?
He pulls away from you slowly, the tips of his ears pink and his lips curled into a shy smile. âYouâre beautiful,â he murmurs again.
You sigh, letting your head fall into your hands. âSunghoonââ
He stands from his seat abruptly, his chair scratching against the floor obnoxiously. You wince, head whipping up to figure out what the hell it is heâs doing.
âEveryone!â He announces, voice booming through the lecture hall. You immediately scramble to stop him, tugging on the sleeve of his shirt to try and pull him back down. He just ignores you, instead choosing to continue to address the whole class like heâs giving some big speech.
âIâm in loveâ!â
Yeah, no.
You practically wrestle him into his chair, pulling on his arm so hard he nearly collapses into your lap. You push him into his chair, a shaky smile on your face.
The class stares at you with unamused frowns, all clearly annoyed at having the lecture interrupted by Sunghoons near-declaration.
You clear your throat, hands waving in front of you. âHeâs just not feeling well,â You attempt nervously, a humorless laugh bubbling out of your lips like it might save you from embarrassment. It doesnât.
Your professor fixes you with a stern look, one that youâd never been on the receiving end of until this moment. Now, youâre starting to understand why people say sheâs so icy.
You murmur out apologies to the room, hoping to ease at least some ofthe growing tension between you and your peers. Yunjins looking at you with genuine shock, her hand covering her mouth like sheâs hoping to spare you any kind of embarrassment. It doesnât work.
You turn your attention back to Sunghoon, whoâs giggling in his chair like heâd just witnessed the funniest thing ever.
âWhat is wrong with you?â You hiss, beginning to pack your stuff as well as his. Youâd thought youâd wait until class was over to go find Beomgyu, but after that stunt youâre starting to think your social life might go down if you donât figureout how to fix this ASAP.
Sunghoon shrugs, fingertips tapping against his thigh. âIs it a crime to tell people about the girl I love?â
You tense for a moment, but donât stop gathering the rest of your things. âYou donât love me.â You manage out, voice cracking slightly. âYouâre just confused.â
Sunghoon grabs your wrist and stops you from closing his notebook, his thumb hovering over your pulse point. âIâm not confused.â He insists, and, God, for a second you almost believe him. Itâd definitely be easier to.
But you know he doesnât know what heâs saying. Heâs confusing his emotions for you with something elseâsomething that isnât there.
Something that will never be there.
You pull your wrist out of his grip, a sad smile on your face. âCâmon,â You manage, throwing your bag over your shoulder. âLet's go talk to Beomgyu.â
The walk to Beomgyuâs apartment is filled with endless yapping from Sunghoon and mostly silence from you. You arenât sure how you should reply to his advances considering he doesnât actually know what heâs saying. You keep telling yourself to imagine heâs on some weird drug that makes him more open than normal. And ten times more flirty.
Beomgyus apartment is just on the cusp of campus, close enough that it wasnât a long walk, but far enough to get some sense of individualism. Youâd been there a thousand times, whether it was for a casual hangout or to catch up on homework, but never in a million years did you imagine youâd be knocking on the door with Park Sunghoon staring at you like youâd hung the moon and the stars.
âStop,â You mumble, fist rapping onto the door again. You know Beomgyuâs home right now.
Sunghoon raises a brow, arms crossed as he leans against the wall next to you. âStop what?â He asks, maintaining his false facade of innocence.
You shoot him a glare, hands gesturing at him wildly. âStop looking at me like that!â
He just hums, like heâs amused at your reaction. And you know none of this is technically his faultâwell, it is but it isnâtâbut thereâs a growing annoyance in your chest that you canât seem to get rid of. If you were going to be subjected to another public embarrassment like what heâd pulled in your lecture you think youâll die.
You huff, fist tapping against the door again. âI know youâre in there, Beomgyu! Stop trying to pretend you arenât there so Iâll leave!â
Thereâs a momentary silence, and then the door clicks open and an unamused Beomgyu stares at you from the other side. Heâs wearing a white stained shirt, hair sticking up in numerous places.Â
Heâs a sight for sore eyes, honestly.
âWhat?â He sighs, staring at you like youâve interrupted his very busy schedule.
You point over at Sunghoon with your thumb, âWeâve got a massive issue.â
Beomgyuâs eyes trail towards where youâre pointing lazily, like youâre somehow inconveniencing him. He looks Sunghoon up and down, lips twisting into a frown. âI donât see the problem.â He mumbles.
You sigh, running a hand over your face and letting it slap back down to your thigh. âIt worked.âÂ
Beomgyu raises a brow. âWhat worked?â
You groan, âThe experiment worked.â You hiss, nodding towards Sunghoon slightly. âAnd now heâs convinced heâs in love with me.â
Beomgyu blinks, and you can practically see the gears turning in his head as he processes what you said. Heâs been your closest friend for long enough to know that under different circumstances, Sunghoon confessing his love to you wouldâve had you over the moon. He knows you wouldâve had a much different reaction to the one youâre giving now, at least.
He licks his lips, glancing around the hallway like heâs expecting someone to jump out at you, and then ushers the both of you into your apartment. Sunghoon tries to grab your hand when you go inside, but you pull away and shoot him a sharp glare. He just smiles back, like your annoyance is the most amusing thing in the world to him.
Beomgyu gestures to the couch, mumbling out a hasty sit before disappearing into his room. You sigh when you plop down onto it, eyebrows furrowed and lips pursued.Â
You know itâs not Sunghoons fault. This whole thing was a complete accident. ButâŠsome part of you couldnât help but feel like this entire thing was only going to end one wayâwith you getting hurt. Sunghoon doesnât love you like he seems to think. The issue is, you arenât sure just how long youâll be able to resist him before you finally start believing him.
Thatâs why you need to figure out how to reverse this before it gets to that point.
And what about the effects it must be having on Sunghoon? Sure, you were taking emotional hits, but what if you had accidentally seriously messed him up mentally or physically? What if he never recovered and then youâd have to live with the fact that youâd indirectly messed him up for life?
Sunghoon sits down next to you wordlessly, hands shoved in his pockets. His eyes trail over the living room, eyes pausing on a framed picture of you and Beomgyu from highschool. In it, the both of you are laughing at something on the other side of the camera, your hands clenching your stomachs and wide smiles on your faces. You donât remember what exactly had been so funny at the time, but your heart still melts all the same every time you look at it.
Sunghoon hums, nodding towards the picture. âYou look happy.â
Even though you donât mean to, and there's definitely no reason to do so right now, you crack a small smile. âYeah,â You mumble, âThat was a good day.â
The space between you isnât uncomfortable, it never really has been despite everything, but itâs tense. Like thereâs some sort of gravitational force pushing you towards him, and the harder you resist, the more it wants to persist.Â
Sunghoon must feel it to, because his tongue darts out to wet his lips, his adams apple bobbing slightly. For the first time since this entire fiasco started, he looks almost unsure, like thereâs something he wants to do or say, but he canât.
You frown, hand instinctively coming up to rest on his bicep, âSunghoon,â You murmur, eyebrows furrowing in concern. âAre you alrightââ
âOkay, here's the plan,â Beomgyu interrupts, finally emerging from his room. He looks much more put together now and not like heâd just rolled out of bed. He points to himself, âIâm going to figure out how to fixâŠâ He gestures to Sunghoon warily, âThis as soon as possible. You,â He points to you next, âAre going to watch him while I do.â
Immediately, alarms go off in your head. You canât watch over Sunghoon. You just canât.
You sit up straighter, arms crossing in an X over your chest. âI canât,â You blurt, heat rising to your cheeks. You slowly lean back again, tucking a stray strand of hair behind your ear. âI haveâŠplans.â
Itâs a lame excuse, you know. And you know neither of them believe you. (Honestly, does Sunghoon even understand whatâs going on?)
Beomgyu rolls his eyes, âOkay, first off, no you donât. And if this is like, a one in a million time in which you actually do have something going on, cancel it.â He lowers his voice slightly, hand covering his mouth so Sunghoon canât see what heâs saying. âHe canât be alone right now, and Iâm guessing youâre the only person heâll willingly go with. So, either take him or deal with the repercussions.â
You hate that heâs right.Â
Maybe, if you had any energy left in you youâd fight with him on it. Or maybe youâd just deal with the consequences of sending Sunghoon out there on his own. But one glance at the man in question, and you immediately cave.
Heâs gazing at you with hopeful eyes, his head tilted slightly to the side, like heâs hanging onto every word you say. It really shouldnât tug at your heart strings like it does. It shouldnât make you want to say yes until the word doesnât sound like a word anymore.
You sigh, forcing your gaze to the ground. âFine,â You huff, âIâll watch him. Whatever that means.â
Beomgyu grins, glancing between you and Sunghoon cheekily, like he knows something you donât. âGreat,â He rolls his neck, letting it pop once. âNow get out so I can get to work.â
Campus is never busy on Mondays. You think itâs because most people donât like the idea of morning classes on the first day of the week, which you canât really blame them for. But that also means that itâs just you and Sunghoon on the street, and while it feels completely awkward for youâhe looks like he just won a million bucks.
Heâs smiling, as if the harsh winds blowing across your faces is anything to smile about. As if anything about this situation is something to smile about.Â
And you know you shouldnât be upset. Anyone in your situation right now would probably be ecstatic. The man youâve been secretly in love with for the past three years is finally returning your feelings, even if they arenât completely genuine.
But thatâs the issue, isnât it? He doesnât really feel this way towards you, he just thinks he does. And it would be so easy to let yourself indulge in itâto let yourself forget that none of this is actually real.
But you canât. You know you canât.
Sunghoons arm brushes against yours, a complete accident, but you still flinch and pull away like heâs burned you.
He glances at you, eyebrows furrowing. His breaths coming out in uneven puffs of white fog. âEverything okay?â
You clear your throat, trying to act like the shiver that goes down your spine is from the frosted air and not because his smooth voice makes your body flush with heat. âIâm fine,â You murmur, âJustâŠhungry. Tired.â
He hums, shoving his hands in his jacket pockets. âYou know,â He drawls, trying to keep up a nonchalant front. âWe could go eat. Together. Just me and you.â
You blink, glancing at him from the corner of your eye. Is he asking you on a date right now? If the past two hours hadn't happened, you probably would've been more surprised.
You sigh, shaking your head slightly, âIâm not going on a date with you Sunghoon.â The words nearly don't make it out of your throat, feeling more artificial and practiced than anything else. If you would've told yourself a week ago you'd be rejecting Sunghoon, you probably would've slapped yourself for even thinking about it.
He shrugs, eyes glinting with mischief. âWho said anything about a date?â He asks, looking at you like you've just uggested the craziest thing he's ever heard. âWe're just two friends eating lunch together, right? Even if I am irrevocably in love with you.â
He throws the word love out like he's saying hello, not like he's pulling at the strings of your heart every time it leaves his lips. It almost sounds fucking natural, like he'd been saying it to you for years, which makes it even worse.
You pause in the street, pointing an accusatory finger at him. âOkay, I get that your brain isnât in the right place right now, but stop saying things like that.â
His head tilts slightly to the side, eyebrows raising in amusement. âWhy?â He asks, tone innocent, but you know better. You know heâs finding this funny. Itâs frustrating and annoying and your heart fucking stutters every time he looks at you like he knows exactly what makes you tick.
You stumble over your words, hands gesturing wildly in front of you. âBecause Itâs annoying! And weird! How would Sophia feel if she knew you were saying all of this?â
The air goes still at the mention of Sophia, like the thought of her is enough to push away the sun. Sunghoons expression hardens, his jaw tightening for a moment before he releases it. Itâs almost like the sound of her name has sucked all of the joy out of him. âWhy would I care what she thinks?â He mutters.
You blank, unsure of how to respond to that. You know the two have always had a more than toxic relationship, but youâve never seen him have so much distaste towards her before. Youâve never seen him have so much distaste towards anyone before.
âI don't know, maybe because sheâs your girlfriend?â You attempt.
His eyes harden as he looks away from you, like he doesn't want to point his annoyance towards you. âSheâs not my girlfriend.â He mumbles.
Your neck cranes up so you can look at him, arms crossing over your chest in a silent defense. âBesides,â He continues, taking a small step closer. âWhy would I care about her when youâre right in front of me?â
You feel that familiar heat rush up your neck, the one you know you have no right to feel. And itâs strange how something good on the surface can cut you so deeply. How something you hoped to hear from him for years can suddenly feel like the biggest insult.
But, you are hungryâyou werenât lying about that, and Beomgyu has already assigned you to practically be his babysitter anyway, so might as well get something out of it, right?
You let out a breath, kissing your teeth as you do. This is a very bad idea, and you know it. âWe can go to lunch as friends, but thatâs it, okay? And no more flirting.â
His lips curl into a grin, eyes flashing like heâs just won a prize. âPerfect, because I already made a reservation for us off campus.â
Of course he did.Â
You open your mouth to argue, or really say anything, but his hand makes its way onto your lower back so he can lead you away and you suddenly forget how to speak. Because, yes, youâre still a strong woman who would rather die than ever be rendered speechless by a manâbut Park Sunghoon is an exception. One that you know you shouldnât indulge, but doesnât it feel oh, so good when you do?
Thatâs how you find yourself thirty minutes later in the nicest restaurant in a fifteen mile radius, wearing jeans and an old ratty t-shirt. You cross your legs, trying to ignore the gnawing feeling in your stomach at being so underdressed.
Sunghoon doesnât look the least bothered by it though, reading over the menu with sharp eyes and a slight furrow to his brows. He asks you your opinion occasionally, mumbles about calories and his protein intake. All things youâd never really felt the need to look at yourself before. Maybe hockey people have to worry about that stuff? Youâd always assumed it was just wrestlers and weightlifters.
âDo you like Alfredo sauce or marinara? I like both, but I want you to be able to pick off my plate.â He mutters, saying it so casually. Like ordering his own food based on what you like is just common sense. If any of this was real, he would make the perfect boyfriend.
It makes you wonder again how Sophia could just let him go so easily.
Your eyes flicker up from your own menu, heart stuttering in your chest. âJust get whatever you want,â You sigh, âYou donât need to ask me.â
Heâs silent for a moment, the gears in his head turning. He slowly sets his menu down, and then plucks your own from your fingers.
Your eyebrows furrow as you go to reach for it, âSunghoonââ
âWhy are you so set on rejecting me?â He asks, keeping his eyes on yours. The eye-contact nearly makes your throat close up from how intense it is. âI know you think none of this is real or whateverââ
"Because it isnât.â You interrupt. You wish you understood how this experiment worked, because then maybe you'd know how to get it through his thick skull that none of this was real. You run a hand through your hair before continuing, âYou drank an experiment, Sunghoon. Everything youâre feelingâeverything you think youâre feelingâit isnât real.â Your voice cracks slightly, like itâs a manifestation of your own hurt.Â
Sunghoon, for the first time since this entire thing started, goes silent. His jaw ticks, breathing going slightly uneven. The air crackles between you, tension that neither of you really want to admit is there.
And then, without even so much as a stutter, he says, âIâll prove it then.â
You falter, lips parting as a laugh bubbles out of your throat. You donât mean to laugh, really, you donât, but Sunghoon's insistence is almost admirable. And, unfortunately for you, his stubbornness only makes you fall for him the tiniest bit more.
âWhy are you so set on this?â You ask, mimicking his question from earlier.Â
He shrugs, leaning forward and placing his chin in his hand. âDoes it matter?â
Yes, it does matter. But you know thereâs no way youâre going to get an actual answer from him, so you wonât push anymore. So, instead you just shrug, fingers tapping against the table. âI guess not.â
Sunghoon grins, his tongue poking against his cheek slightly. âAtta girl.â
You should drag him out of the restaurant and back to Beomgyuâs apartment after that. Should refuse to even speak to him until Beomgyu figures out how to reverse this whole thing. Should protect your heart from the hurt that you know is coming.
But you donât do any of that. Instead, you laugh along to his jokes. You donât protest when he pays for your food. You let him walk you home like heâs your boyfriend and try to ignore the deep ache beginning to bloom in your chest every time he looks at you like he loves you.
And when you lay in bed that night, sheets tucked to your chin and green glowing stars shining on your ceiling, you let yourself believe that all of it was real. That all of it meant something.
Even if that was only true for one of you.
You arenât sure what youâre expecting the next morning, but it certainly isnât sunghoon at your door with a jersey in one hand and hockey stick in the other.
You blink at him, still in your pajamas with leftover mascara flakes covering your cheeks. Youâre sure you look the picture of attractiveness right now. You sigh, rubbing your eyes with your knuckles. âWhat are you doing here?â
Sunghoon holds the jersey out to you, and itâs then that you realize itâs his. Or, at least, one with his number and name on it. âThis is for tonight.â He says casually, like youâre supposed to know what that means.
Your eyebrows furrow as you cautiously take it from him, inspecting it like it was a bomb and not a piece of fabric. âUh,â You chuckle humorlessly, âWhatâs tonight?â
The jersey is your size, but the only other people you can think of who wear these are family members, die-hard fans, andâŠgirlfriends.Â
But thereâs no way thatâs why heâs giving this to you. Besides, youâd seen Sophia wear the same exact thing enough times to know what wearing it would mean--to know what it would make you, as well as everyone else on the campus, aware of.Â
That you were Sunghoons.
That is not happening.
He leans against your doorframe, arms crossed against his chest. His hockey stick pokes out from under his armpit awkwardly, and the sight nearly makes you crack a smile.
âFor the game,â He says, âYouâre coming.â
You immediately shake your head and attempt to shove the jersey back into his arms. âYeah, no, Iâm not going to that. Thanks for the offer though.â
You turn on your heel after forcing him to take back the shirt, and while you know you should tell him to leave, you let him follow you into your apartment.
He trails behind you like a lost puppy, a slight pout twisted onto his features. âYou have to go,â He insists, âYouâre my girlfriendââ
You whip around and glare at him, âI am not your girlfriend.â
His lips curl up into a shy smile, a hand coming up to brace the back of his neck. âThatâs a technicality.â
You give him a look before finally turning back around and continuing your walk to your bathroom. He tries to follow you in, but you quickly shut the door in his face. You half expect that to finally be the hint he needs, but of course it isn't. Instead, he just keeps talking to you through the door. âOkay, fine, youâre not my girlfriend.â He sighs, voice slightly muffled. You just roll your eyes and throw your hair up, grabbing your toothbrush from its place in the barbie cup on your sink.
âBut you said I could prove to you how serious I was,â He continues. You can hear his body slide down to the floor, and you assume heâs sitting with his back against the door. Heâs silent for a moment, before mumbling out so quietly you nearly donât hear him, âLet me do what I said I would. Please.â
You are a weak, weak woman. Youâve always known this. When it comes to school and things of that nature youâd always known you excelled. But, people? That was something that was way out of your league.
Your mom used to call you a people-pleaser. Said itâd end up in you getting hurt if you didnât learn how to step away from things before they got out of hand. And you thought you had.
But maybe you hadnât.
You sigh, finishing up brushing your teeth and washing your face. By the time you're finished the ends of your hair and the sleeves of your shirt are soaked, but you donât care. He wouldnât care what you looked like right now anyway. His brain is all jumbled up and you doubt you looking like a hot mess is the thing that'll fix it.
You open the door cautiously, and just as youâd expected heâs sat on the other side with his knees tucked into his chest. He looks so small here, so boyish. Not like the Park Sunghoon youâd seen from the spotlight, not like the school's star player and pride and joy. From here, he looks like a boy trying to find himself in a world too big for him.
You tug your bottom lip into your teeth, eyes choosing to look everywhere but at him. âIâll go,â You finally mumble, voice smaller than you wanted it to be. âBut Iâm not wearing the jersey.â
He smiles, shoulders sagging in relief. He tilts his head up so he can see you. âJersey?â He smirks, crumbling up the fabric and shoving it behind his back. âWhat jersey?â
You grin despite yourself and nudge your foot into his lower back. âWhatever. Go home so I can get ready.â
He stands, knees popping as he does. He grabs his hockey stick from where it leans against your wall, fingers wrapping around it and giving it a firm squeeze. âSix pm, alright? Iâll get you and your friends a spot up front.â
You shake your head, âYou donât have to do thatââ
He grins, and before you can even think about swerving him, leans in and places a gentle kiss at the crown of your head. You freeze, body flushing and eyes going wide.
His lips are softer than you thought theyâd be, coated with a scentless chapstick that youâd seen him carry around with him for years. He pauses for a moment, his spare hand lingering at your waist. He never touches you directly, doesnât even attempt to. But you can still feel the slight heat emitting from his hand, and it almost feels more intimate than if he'd just taken that final leap.
He swallows, taking a step away from you. Thereâs a slight pink blush dusting his cheeks, like heâs shocked by his own actions, but heâs quick to clear his throat and pretend like there was nothing out of the ordinary about what heâd just done. Like the entire thing was a regular occasion for the both of you.
âIâll see you there, okay?â He mutters, raising a brow. Like he needs more reassurance that youâll stick to your word and show up.
Your tongue darts out to wet your lips for a moment, eyes searching for any indication that maybe he understands what he did. That maybe the experiment's effects are starting to wear off. But when you look at him, you see the same exact thing youâve been seeing since yesterday morning.
Pure, unbridled, love.
You suck in a breath, nodding your head slightly. âYeah,â You manage, though your voice comes out low and breathless. âIâll be there.â
He smiles, mumbles out a soft goodbye, and then leaves you in the middle of your hallway, body flushed and mind jumbled.
Yunjin, to your dismay, comes over as soon as you ask her too.
She looks ecstatic. Youâd called her last night and explained the entire situation, but she, of course, couldnât see how it was a very bad thing.
âWhy are you so upset?â Sheâd asked over the phone. You didnât have to see her face to know she was practically beaming. âThe guy youâve been secreltey obsessing over like some kind of stalker is in love with you! That sounds like a complete win to me!â
Youâd winced, bottom lip tugged between your teeth. âYeah, It sounds great! But he doesnâtâŠâ You swallowed uncomfortably, âHe doesnât actually feel that way for me. He just thinks he does.â
You heard her take a drink of something before she sighed out, âHow do you know that?â
You went silent, unsure of how to answer. What did she mean how did you know? It was obvious. Sunghoon accidentally drinks a love potion and now thinks heâs in love with you. Thatâs what had happened.
You tucked your legs under you and adjusted your phone against your ear. âI think thatâs obvious, Yunjin.â You murmured.
She hummed, âI donât know, [Y/N].â She said, tone strangely teasing. âMaybe heâll surprise you.â
So, when youâd called her and asked her to help you get ready for tonightâs match, she was ecstatic. And you appreciated her support, of course, but you werenât sure she really understood what was happening here.
You and Sunghoon are nothing. When all of this was over, youâd go back to being two strangers who sometimes smiled awkwardly at each other out of obligation. And you needed to be able to be okay with that. You had to be.
âOkay, I think you should wear something super sexy so that Sunghoonâs knocked on his ass.â Yunjin quips, scouring through your closet and inspecting everything you own like it owes her something.
You sigh from where you lay on your bed, staring up at the stars on your ceiling like maybe theyâll save you. âWeâre going to his game, Yun. I donât want him to fall on his ass.â You chuckle, throwing up air quotes around the end of your sentence.
Yunjin rolls her eyes and throws another pair of jeans onto your desk chair. âI donât mean literally. I just mean maybe it wouldnât hurt to wear something different."
You sit up, bracing yourself against your elbows. âWhat's wrong with my usual clothes?â You ask, eyebrows raising teasingly.
Yunjin pauses, cautiously turning around so youâre face to face. âThereâs nothing wrong with it," She attempts, lips twisting thoughtfully as she tries to come up with the softest way to say it. âBut I donât think a pair of sweatpants and some random shirt you got in middle school is quite the look weâre going for.â
You scoff, flopping back down onto your bed and pushing the palm of your hands into your eyes until white dots fill your vision. You donât think thereâs anything wrong with what you usually wear, even if it isnât the nicest clothes ever.
But you canât lie and say there isnât a part of you that wonders how Sunghoon would react. Would he even care? If he did, would it even be real?
âI think that youâre blowing this way out of proportion.â You mutter, letting your arms wrap around yourself.
Yunjin snorts and tosses a shirt at you. You cautiously inspect the fabricâa blue long sleeved top with a deep neckline that youâd bought to make your ex-boyfriend jealous and then never wore. You scrunch your nose slightly at it and then toss it back at her.Â
âThereâs no way Iâm wearing that.â You snort.
Yunjin nods, grabbing a pair of dark jeans from your closet. âThatâs what you think.â
The hockey arena, to no one's surprise, is full to the brim with die hard fans and half-way drunk college students. You, personally, have never been to a game before. Mostly because you know what they consist of, and youâd rather skip watching men fight over a puck on ice when you could be doing much more important things. Like rewatching New Girl.
But, alas, you, Yunjin, and Jungwon all find your seats right at the barricade. Beomgyu had chosen to skip so that he could keep working on some kind of fix for your current situation, but you had half the mind to believe it was because he simply didnât want to come.
Jungwon takes a sip of his fountain drink, letting the red straw rest on his lip. âSo, youâre telling me that Sunghoon drank the experiment, thinks heâs in love with you, and invited you here because he wants to prove to you that itâs real?â
You nod, shrugging your jacket off and laying it across the back of your seat. The players are warming up in front of you, their skates scratching against the ice as they yell instructions at each other. You can see Sunghoon talking to another boy with a serious expression, his hands moving admittedly as he does. You can tell heâs being stern with him, but the boy doesnât look upset or scared in the least. If anything, heâs taking his lecture with prideâlike getting told off by Park Sunghoon is a privilege.
And you think that goes into show just the kind of person that he is. He's kind, and funny, and defientley doesn't deserve what you're putting him through.
"Um," You sniff, adjusting yourself in your seat. âThatâs pretty much it, yeah.â
Jungwon hums, shoving his hands in his coat pockets. âIs it weird that that isnât the strangest thing thatâs happened to us?â He asks.
You furrow your brows, âWhat could possibly be weirder then that?â
âRemember freshman year?â Yunjin chimes in, tossing her hair behind her shoulder. âThere was that full two weeks where Beomgyu was stained pink.â
âOh,â You draw out, chuckling at the memory. âI do remember that.â
You giggle at the memory. Beomgyu had had a rouge experiment blow up in his face--literally--and spent two weeks looking like he'd just stepped out of the Barbie movie.
Jungwon shrugs, âI would argue that seeing Beomgyu walk around campus like a real-life monster high doll was definitely weirder than this.â
You donât respond, instead turning your attention back towards Sunghoon. He still hasnât noticed youâwhich youâre mostly grateful for, but it also makes you anxious for when he does.
While youâve never been to one of the matches in person, you have seen them online. You know that they can get heated and violent. Youâve seen Sunghoon walk into class with the occasional black eye or scabbed over knuckles.
It makes worry build in your stomach, thick and strong and nearly overwhelming. And you know you shouldnât care. Sunghoon isnât your boyfriend, even if he seems to think he is. But, still, the thought of him getting hurt makes you want to throw up.
You lean back in your chair, leg bouncing anxiously, and then you see it. Itâs a subtle movement from the corner of your eye, but you catch it nonetheless.
Two seats down from you, Sophia sits down with her friends, all of them looking like they just stepped out of fucking vogue. And Sophia, with her perfectly blown-out hair and sickly sweet smile, is wearing Sunghoons jersey.
Your heart drops, stomach becoming an endless pit as you stare at her. Youâd assumed they broke up, but what if they hadnât? That was the only explanation you could think of for why she was here wearing that. What if you had accidentally ruined her relationship with Sunghoon?
Not to say that their relationship wasnât already on the brink of disaster, but still.
You nudge Jungwon with your elbow, forcing your gaze onto the rink. The other team has come onto the ice now, and you can see Sunghoon's jaw tick. But he isnât watching the other team, no, heâs searching the stands.
Searching them for you.
You suddenly feel a wave of guilt at what youâve done, even if it was an accident. Youâve inadvertently forced yourself into the middle of a relationship that was never any of your business. Does this make you a homewrecker?
âJungwon,â You mumble, âTell Yunjin weâre leaving.â
âWhat?â He asks, eyebrows knitting together. âThe game hasnât even started.â
You sink into your seat as you watch Sunghoons gaze get closer and closer to you. âSophiaâs here.â You say through your teeth, âAnd sheâs wearing his jersey.â
Jungwons gaze shifts past you, lips parting when he spots her. âOh.â
âYeah,â You murmur, âOh.â
Jungwon turns and tells Yunjin, and you watch as her head pops out from behind him, her lips pulled into a frown. âOh, this is so fucked.â
You cover your face with your hands and groan, âIâm a homewrecker!â
âOkay, no,â Yunjin scoffs, still eyeing Sophia like maybe if she stares at her long enough sheâll disappear, âThis is all just a really small misunderstanding.â
You groan again, dropping your hands to your lap and looking back onto the rink. Sunghoon finally spots you then, a smile curling onto his lips as he skates over. Your stomach churns, letting yourself steal a glance to Sophia, who is also smiling at Sunghoon.Â
You sink further into your seat.
âY/N!â He calls once he approaches, placing a hand in the glass separating you. You can practically feel Sophiaâs gaze burning into your skull, and for once, you canât even be mad that youâre on the other side of her icy glare.
âUm,â You manage, clearing your throat and cocking your head as subtly as possible towards Sophia. âSunghoon, you should probably go say hi to your girlfriend before you say hi to me.â
You can feel Jungwon and Yunjin holding their breaths, like theyâre scared any sudden movement will set off some kind of bomb. But Sunghoon either doesn't notice the tension, or heâs actively choosing to ignore it.
He cocks his head to the side, smile faltering a bit. âWhat are you talking aboutââ
âHoonie!â
Thereâs something very distinct about Sophiaâs voiceâjust the right amount of feminine to be cutsey, but still bordering on the edge of nails on a chalkboard. Normally, the sound of it would make you roll your eyes and resist the urge to pull your hair out, but now it just makes you feel sick with guilt.
Sunghoons expression immediately shifts, his smile curling downwards, eyes narrowing slightly. When he spots Sophia, he almost looks bored. Like the sight of her is nothing special.
She climbs over the people next to you, a mom and her toddler, both of whom she doesnât apologize to when she steps on the tips of their shoes.
âHoon,â She sighs, adjusting her skirt. âI missed you.â
She doesnât even spare you a glance, which youâre partially thankful for. But, you also canât help but wonder if itâs because she doesnât even see you as a threat.
Which, youâre notâbut still. Itâd at least be nice to be considered one.
Sunghoons jaw ripples, gaze icy and nearly angry. âWhatâre you doing here Sophia?â He asks. His gaze falls downwards, onto the blue jersey she wears proudly across her chest, and scoffs. âAnd why are you wearing that?â
Sophia doesnât even flinch at his tone, if anything she seems to revel in it. âWhy wouldnât I be here, silly?â She giggles, âIâm supporting my boyfriend!â
Jungwon glances over at you, but your eyes stay on the floor. What are you supposed to say? Actually, youâre boyfriend thinks heâs in love with me, so sorry! Youâd just sound crazy.
Sunghoon leans closer, voice lowering an octave. âAre you forgetting that I caught you fucking my roomate last weekend?â He spits, gripping his hockey stick so hard youâre convinced itâll break. âOr am I supposed to just get over that like everything else?â
You canât help the gasp that leaves you. A small sound, but itâs enough to catch her attention. She whips her head around, dark eyes catch yours, nose scrunched like sheâs staring at the trash on the side of the sidewalk and not a person.
You half expect her to apologize for having such a private conversation in front of you, but she doesnât do that. Why would she? Instead, she barks, âCanât you see weâre having a conversation? Go somewhere else.â
You blink, lips parting as you try to come up with something to say. But, Sunghoon beats you to it.
âDonât talk to her like that.â He defends, eyes blazing something nearly protective. It makes your heart flutter and heat fill your stomach for all the wrong reasons.
Sophia takes a moment to process, but when she does, you wouldâve thought Sunghoon had just told her heâd made out with her mom.
âWhy are you defending her?â She asks, letting out a humorless laugh. She really takes you in then, eyeing you up and down. You sink into yourself instinctually, arms wrapping around your stomach like a shield. âDonât tell me this is my replacement?â She chuckles, like the thought of you even being near Sunghoon is amusing.
You shake your head, hands shooting out in front of you. Even though she doesn't deserve it, you don't want to be the other woman. âNo, no, thatâs notââ
But Sunghoon doesn't let you finish. âShe canât be a replacement when thereâs nothing to replace.â He mutters, tongue leaking venom.
Sophia, for what youâre sure is the first time in her life, is rendered speechless. Her glossy lips part, eyes widening a fraction. âSunghoonââ
He turns to you then, completely ignoring her like her prescense isnât even a blip on his radar. His eyes soften, cheeks flushing the lightest shade of pink. âMeet me after the game, okay?â He mumbles.
A buzzer sounds, and both teams on the ice skate over to their respective coaches to get ready for the game. Your lips part as you wrack your brain for a response, but itâs hard when Sophia is sneering at you like youâd just said the dumbest thing sheâd ever heard.
Sunghoon sighs, throwing you a final glance before pushing off the glass and beginning to skate towards the rest of his teammates.
His jaw ticks once, throwing Sophia an icy look over his shoulder. âGo home, Sophia.â He mumbles.
Sophia doesnât say anything else, just shoots you a glare and then stomps back to her waiting friends. They all look sympathetic when she tells them what happened, shooting you not-so-subtle death glares. As if you did something. Well, you didâyou unintentionally home wrecked her relationship, but still, it was all accidental!
Yunjin lets out a low whistle, crossing her leg over her knee and clasping her hands around it. âCan we make more of those love potion things?â She asks with a chuckle. âThis is reality tv kind of entertainment.â
Jungwon nods, âRivals love island, honestly.â
You pinch the bridge of your nose and squeeze your eyes shut, âThis isnât a reality tv show.â You mumble.
Yunjin shrugs, popping a piece of candy into her mouth. âWe know, but it might as well be. Or maybe the plot of some super bad fanfiction.â
And, well, you canât really argue with that.
But youâd never been good at confrontation, and Sophia keeps looking at you like youâd owe her something. Her lips pulled tightly together, friend whispering in her ear like she knows your deepest darkest secrets.
And somewhere in the back of your mind, thereâs a subtle prick of insecurity. One that forces you deeper into your seat and into your own head.
The game goes by in a blur, one that you barely pay attention to. Itâs not that you donât want to, but itâs a little difficult when Sophia keeps glancing over at you and laughing with her friends.
You arenât stupid. Youâve been laughed at before--been the victim of bullies who thought they had the upper hand for whatever reason. But that had been in high school, never in college. And even though you try to push it awayâtry to block it outâthose awful thoughts still crawl their way from the depths of your mind. Thoughts that you hadnât had since youâd sat alone in a chemistry classroom in tenth grade, back before youâd met Beomgyu.
So, when the game is over (Sunghoon led the team to victory of course, because why wouldnât he?), you donât hesitate shrugging your jacket back on and climbing your way over people to get to the exit.
Yunjin and Jungwon stumble behind you, calling your name in an attempt to get you to slow down, but you donât. Canât, really.
You didnât sign up for any of this. Didnât sign up to be the target of Sophiaâs stares, didnât sign up to be the girl Sunghoons convinced heâs in love with.
You just wanted to go back to your life before. When you were still just in the background with your select circle. You wanted to go back to watching Sunghoon from afarâto being the girl heâd never look twice at.
Because this? This was too much for you.
And you know none of it is his fault, but that almost just makes it worse. He has no idea how much all of this is really hurting you. How much it breaks your heart every time he looks at you like you mean something to him.
The wind hits your face when you step outside, neon lights of the stadium lighting up the parking lot around you. You finally let out a breath, eyes glassy and lips chapped. Maybe youâre being dramatic, but you really donât care.
â[Y/N]!â Yunjin calls, jogging slightly to catch up with you. Her jackets hanging off her arms awkwardly, purse dangling from her elbow. âWhere are you going?â She presses, grabbing your bicep gently and forcing you to a stop. âWhatâs going on?â
You force your gaze to the ground, shoving your hands in your pockets. âIâm going home,â You tell her, voice raw. âThis was a mistake. I shouldnât have come. If I had known he was still with Sophiaââ
âWoah, hold on,â Yunjin interrupts you. Jungwon approaches then, his blonde hair blowing over his forehead awkwardly. âDid you not hear Sunghoon? Theyâre broken up.âÂ
You scoff, rolling your eyes. âTheyâre always broken up.â
Yunjins lips pull in tight, annoyance flashing in her eyes. âIs this because she was here?â She asks you, tone serious and deadly. "You know you don't need to care about whatever it is her and her friends think."
Itâs rare for her to speak to you so seriously, always the one looking towards humor to lighten up situations. So when she does, you tend to listen.
âSophia is a bitch, plain and simple. Sunghoon is not. And heâs actively trying to prove to you that he wants you, and youâre not letting him.â She insists.
You pull your arm from her grip at that, eyebrows knitting together. Does she seriously think anything Sunghoon is doing he actually means? If that were the case, you wouldn't even be in this situation.
âYunjin, he doesnât know what heâs doing!â You spit, tone harsher then you mean it. You donât mean to aim your anger towards her, but she just keeps pushing and pushing until you finally explode. âDonât you get it? He doesnât feel like that towards me.â Your voice breaks, eyes brimming with tears. âHe doesnât feel anything towards me.â
Jungwon swallows, his eyes downcast. He was usually good in situations like this, usually the one to take the lead and get you laughing again, but now he canât even meet your eyes.
Yunjin reaches for you again, sympathy written all over her face, but you pull away. You donât want her comfort right now, even though you know it comes from a place of love.
You suck in a shaky breath, forcing your gaze onto the sidewalk in front of you. The pavement is wet from rain earlier in the day, collecting in small puddles below your feet. âIâm just going to go home, okay? Tell Sunghoon Iâm sorry.â
â[Y/N]âŠâ Yunjin mumbles, but youâre already walking away, arms wrapped around yourself and bottom lip trembling.
Is it pathetic to be crying over a stupid boy and a mean girl? Maybe. But you also know that having feelings is human, and sometimes, when the time is right, itâs okay to cry.
And you think right now is one of those times.
You donât cry hard. Not full, chest-heaving sobs, just occasional hiccupsâa steady stream of tears flowing down your cheeks that you stain your sleeves with every time you wipe at them.
Your apartment is cold when you enter, the air brushing harshly against your face. You shrug your jacket off and toss it onto the couch, padding over to your room with exhaustion sinking into your bones.
You peel off your clothesâthe top Yunjin had insisted you wear for Sunghoon suddenly feeling suffocating and tight. It isnât often you let yourself wallow in self-pity like this, but tonight was going to have to be an exception.
You change into a stained t-shirt and a pair of sweatpants with a rip in the knees and collapse onto your couch. You wonder if Sunghoon said anything when he noticed you werenât there. Was he disappointed? Or had he finally realized it wasnât you he should be chasing after?
Your heart hurts at the thought, aching and heavy in your chest.
It isn't fair to him that you feel like this. It isn't fair to you that he's unknowingly playing with your heart. The entire thing is a bad dream you wish you could just wake up from.
You barely register the knock at your door at first, too stuck in your head while trying to pretend youâre paying attention to whatever sitcomâs playing on the TV.
But then it comes again, not harsh, just louder. More insistent. Like whoeverâs on the other side is desperate to see you.
You roll your eyes, wrapping your blanket around your shoulders and forcing yourself to pad over. âYunjin,â You sigh, clicking the lock and swinging the door open. âI donât want to talk to you.â
But it isnât Yunjin standing on the other side. Itâs Sunghoon.
His black hair is a mess, bangs covering his eyes in a way you know canât be comfortable, a pair of black-rimmed glasses resting against his nose. Heâs not wearing his jersey anymore, but the black compression shirt he wears under it is still there, a pair of gray sweatpants laying dangerously low on his hips.
He looks dangerously handsome without even trying.
Your breath catches before you can stop it, gaze falling down his body like youâre commiting it to memory. Youâre both silent, just staring at eachother, waiting for the other to cut through the tension first.
It shouldnât hurt seeing him right now as much as it does. You donât have any claim on him. He loves Sophia, youâve known that from the start.
So why does it feel like tonight was just one big slap in the face? Like the universe was reminding you of exactly what your place with him really is?
Sunghoon swallows, eyes shaky as they try to search your own. You donât let him though. You know if you look him in the eye right now, youâll break, and thatâs the last thing you want him to see.
âYou left,â He whispers, tone low. You can hear the hurt seeping through his voice, but itâs masked by a weird kind of warmth. Like even though you hurt him, he canât physically be mad at you.
You think thatâs probably a side effect.
You shift your weight uncomfortably, twiddling your thumbs in front of you. You canât look at himâtoo scared of what youâll find if you do.
âSunghoon,â You start, voice trembling. âYou donât want me.â You don't say it like a question, instead it's a statement.
His fingers tighten into fists at his sides, knuckles going pale. âWhy do you keep assuming you know what I want?â He asks.
You shake your head, âYouâre just confusedââ
âStop,â He interrupts, taking a small step towards you. âStop saying that when I know I've never been more clear headed in my life.â
You stiffen, unsure of how to respond. You know for a fact he has no idea what heâs doing or talking about. And thatâs what makes it hurt the most. He genuinely believes he loves you, and fuck, youâd give anything for it to be real.
His hand reaches out, but he hesitates and drops it back to his side. "Let me prove it to you, okay? Just like I said I would. No games. No Sophia. Just me and you.â
You force your gaze up then, eyes narrowed. You shouldnât say yes, not when your heart is already on the brink of collapse. But Sunghoons staring at you like heâll break into pieces if you say noâlike the thought of you rejecting him is too much to handle.
You lean against the doorframe, lips twisting slightly. âI don't know,â You attempt, âitâs already so late and I look a messââ
âPlease,â he breathes out, voice wrecked. âStop thinking so hard and let me show you how much you mean to me.â
Your knuckles tighten until your fingernails dig into your palms, forming little crescent-shaped marks into the soft skin. Everything inside of you is telling you to say no. To tell him to go home and lock himself in his room until Beomgyu figures out how to fix this.
But thereâs still that small part of youâthe part that wonders if maybe he really did mean every sweet word that fell from his perfect lips. If maybe, just maybe, all of this was real.
And that part of you wins.
Sunghoon doesnât let you changeâjust ushers you into your jacket and leads you with a hand on your lower back out of your apartment and back towards the rink.
You donât notice thatâs where youâre heading at first, not until the lights outside the parking lot come into view. Your stomach twists at the memory of your last conversation with Yunjin and Jungwon, but you push it away. Youâd fix things tomorrow.
âWhy are we here?â You ask, glancing up at the raven-haired boy. His palm hasnât left your back since you started walking, almost like he was staking his claim there. Imprinting the shape of him into your skin like itâs second nature.
He shrugs, mischief flashing in his smile. âYouâll see.â
Youâve never seen the stadium empty before, but now that you are, it makes you realize just how daunting it really is. The lights pointed at the rink are still on, reflecting off of the ice and glinting across its surface. You can see the slight scuff marks and dents from numerous skates, small puddles forming in their wake.
Sunghoon jogs in front of you, pulling out a set of keys and opening the gate that the hockey players use to get onto the rink. He holds an arm out to you, gesturing for you to come over to him.
You do so cautiously, arms wrapped around yourself. The ice from the rink makes the air frigid, crawling up your spine like a garden snake. Menacing, but not dangerous.
âI donât have any skates.â You mumble.
Sunghoon smiles, reaching out and wiggling your hand out from where it rests under your arm, âThatâs okay,â He says softly, intertwining your fingers. His hands are large, this is something youâve always known. Itâs hard not to notice when he makes his pencil look like a fucking mini-brand every time he writes down his notesâbut now you realize just how much they dwarf your own. âWe don't need them.â
He pulls you onto the rink then, and feet immediately slip on the slick ice. You yelp when you feel your foot begin to slide from beneath you, back arching and spare arm flinging to your side, but Sunghoon grips your hand and pulls you to his chest like heâd been expecting it.
You huff when your face meets his chest, heat crawling viciously up your neck from embarrassment. Sunghoons chest vibrates with laughter against your cheek, his other hand coming up to cup the back of your head and pull you closer to him.
âFinally falling for me?â He teases.
If only he knew.
You scoff and cautiously step away from him, tightening the muscles in your legs so you donât slip again. âYou wish.â You say, meaning for it to come out harsh, but instead it sounds soft. Playful. Everything it shouldnât be.
He rolls his eyes and drags you to the middle of the ice, careful not to tug too hard or walk too fast, instead matching his pace with yours.
You look around at the thousands of seats surrounding you, the blinding lights on the ice. There isnât even anyone here, and you still feel slightly intimidated. It makes you wonder how heâs able to deal with all of it so efficiently.
He stops suddenly, forcing you to as well. For a split second, you think he almost looks nervous.Â
He sucks in a breath, brown eyes finding your own. You just raise your brows, staring at him expectantly. You assume he mustâve brought you here for somethingâitâs just whatever that is that puts you slightly on edge.
âDo you remember that glass duck you carried around at the beginning of the year? The one with the weird monocle and pink jacket?â He asks, releasing your hand and shoving it into his coat pocket. You can see something round in there, you just have no idea what it is.
You frown. You do remember that duck. Youâd found it on your trip with Yunjin to Europe over the summer in some rundown antique shop. It was stupidly overpriced and honestly kind of ugly, but youâd fallen in love with it for whatever reason. Maybe because it was a little different then the other ducks, with a weirdly shaped beak and slightly bigger beady eyes. But it was perfect to you.
At least, it was until Jungwon accidently broke it on Halloween weekend. Heâd drunkenly slammed into you and knocked it loose from its place on your bag, and it ultimately shattered as soon as it hit the floor. You remember youâd been devastated and refused to talk to Jungwon for a week after, but that was it. You hadn't really thought twice about it for a while now.
But, how did Sunghoon know about it? Why was he asking you? Youâd never talked about it with himâhell, you barely said two words to him back then.
Your chin lowers slightly in suspicion, âI do, yes. Why?â
He swallows, and you can see his free hand twitch. âWell, I saw it break at that party on Halloween. And you looked so sad. AndâŠI really hated it. So,â He takes a breath, finally revealing whatever it was he had in his pocket. âI fixed it.â
You blink. Once. Twice. Heâs holding out the duck to you, cracks from where it'd shattered all over its little glass body but ultimately put back together.
It takes you a second to fully process whatâs going on, but once you do your lips part in a gasp and you take it from him. You hold it up to your face, cradling it in your hands. âHow did youâwhat? Why? I-I donât understandââ Youâre talking so fast you barely even understand yourself, but Sunghoon just laughs, and you notice the way his shoulders slowly relax in relief.
He shrugs, like this is any other day and he didnât just reveal to you heâd fixed your most prized possession. âI didn't want you to lose it,â He admits, taking a careful step towards you. âYou donât deserve to lose things you love.â
You glance up at him then, and you realize just how close he really is. The last time youâd been in this position heâd placed a soft kiss on your hairline, and although your heart feels like itâs skipping a beat, itâs not out of fear this time.
Itâs something more dangerous, something you shouldnât be allowing yourself to feel. Not with his condition. You glance back down to the glass duck, hesitation gnawing at your stomach.Â
Ultimately, you know that what you feel for Sunghoon is not returned. But this... this changes things. Heâd taken the time all those months ago, before the experiment was even thought of, and fixed something youâd deemed unfixable simply because he didnât want you to be sad. Usually, youâd think that meant something.
But isnât that also just the kind of boy he is? Kind, golden-hearted Park Sunghoon. Campus golden boy. Star hockey player. Everything you could never have.
âSunghoon,â You breathe out shakily, still holding the duck in your palm. âThank you.â
Although you're feeling conflicted about where he really stands with you, you know you're overall grateful. You've never had someone do something so kind for you simply because they can.
He doesnât respond, just gives you a shy smile. Itâs the first time youâve seen him look so bashful. Itâs cute. âIt wasnât any problem.â
You hum, tapping your nails against the duck's glass tail. âCan I ask why you needed to bring me here to give me this?â You question, a teasing lilt to your voice.
He shrugs, âItâs more romantic here then in the middle of your living room.â
You laugh aloud at that. For once, the mention of romance with him doesnât make you want to throw up and die all at the same time. Instead, it leaves you feeling warm and fuzzy and all the things you know are going to hurt you in the end.
Because while this entire illusion is going to be over at some point, right now, in this moment, Sunghoon is in love with you. And youâre starting to wonder just how wrong itâd be to let him.
Your heart is heavy in the morning as you fidget with the duck. Itâs hanging off your purse again, safely locked into place with a keychain. Youâd asked Jungwon and Yunjin to meet you for coffee so you could talk, and both had agreed easily.
You guys never really did well with bad blood. Any arguments you had were always resolved fairly quickly, because otherwise it would simmer until you thought too hard about it and ended up doing something you regretted.
And you know you owe them an apologyâYunjin, especially. Sheâd only been trying to help, and youâd spat venom at her like sheâd done something wrong. You didnât want to be like that, and it was important to you that she knew how sorry you were. That they both knew.
They arrive together, steps slow as they approach the table youâd saved. You shoot them a sad smile, unsure of just how angry they were.
They sit next to each other across from you, sharing a glance that makes your stomach churn. You suck in a breath, tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. âIâm sorry,â You start, choosing to skip the awkward pleasantries and getting straight to the point. âYou guys didnât deserve that. At all. And Iââ
âStop,â Yunjin sighs, not letting you finish. Your heart drops, immediately assuming she's about to end your friendship. But she doesn't--instead, she points between herself and Jungwon and says with a quiet finality, âWe should be the ones apologizing.â
You raise a brow at that, spine straightening in your seat. âWhat? Noââ
âYes,â Jungwon interrupts now, his eyes full of concern. âYou were rightfully upset with everything going on, and we pushed it aside simply because we didnât understand how you were feeling.â He sniffs, head tilting to the side slightly. âI didnât realize how hard this must all be for you. Having the guy you like constantly telling you heâs in love with you, and then not even know if he means it? Itâs unfair to you.â
Youâre silent, a wave of relief and guilt crashing over you at once. Youâre relieved that your emotions are being validated, but you also feel guilty that they think they need to apologize to you when you yourself are struggling with what you should feel. Before last night, you would've agreed with them wholeheartedly, but now you werenât sure. You glance down at the figurine hanging from your bag once, heart filling with so much warmth you think it may burst.Â
âYouâre right,â You murmur, leaning back in your chair. âIt is unfair, but Iâm starting to wonder if maybeâŠmaybe I was wrong.â
Yunjinâs eyes widen, confusion written all over her face. âWhat?â
You smile softly, reaching for your purse and spinning it around so they can see the once-broken glass duck. They both study it for a moment, and you watch as recognition flashes in their eyes.
Jungwon frowns and looks back at you. âI thought I broke that ugly thing?â
âItâs not ugly,â You scoff, snatching your bag back and carefully unclipping the little duck from where it hangs. You place it in the middle of the table with a small shrug. âHe fixed it.â
The three of you stare at it, studying the cracks the run along itâs surface.
âWhat do you mean he fixed it?â Yunjin asks.
âI mean,â You sigh, âHe saw it break on Halloweekend, and took it upon himself to fucking glue it back together.â
A beat. And then, âAre you serious?â
You donât laugh, even though you want to. It is entirely ridiculous, but it happened. Youâve spent the last twelve hours mulling it over in your mind, and you can only come to one conclusion.Â
Maybe Sunghoon noticed you more than you thought.
And if that were true, what did it mean now?
You manage a soft smile, picking at the skin around your fingers mindlessly. âYep,â You hum, popping the P. âGave it to me last night.â
Yunjin squeals, gripping Jungwon's bicep and shaking him. He huffs and rips his arm from her grip. âQuit!â He hisses.
Yunjin just ignores him, her full attention on you. âI know I shouldnât be feeding into this anymore, but that,â She gestures towards the duck, âThat is more than some stupid experiment.â
You sigh, voice small when you say, âI know. I justâŠI donât know what the right thing to do is anymore.âÂ
And for the first time, youâre starting to feel like youâre finally being honest with yourself.
âWell,â Jungwon shrugs, leaning back in the booth. The waitress comes around and drops off three milkshakes, vanilla for yourself, and chocolate for Jungwon and Yunjin. âMaybe it wouldnât hurt to try it out.â
Your eyebrows furrow, âTest it out?â You repeat, taking a small spoonful of whipped cream and stuffing it into your mouth. You'd always been a sucker for ice cream.
Jungwon nods, âThereâs a party tomorrow night to celebrate the hockey team's win last night. Sunghoon will obviously be there, and maybe you can test out what he does when itâs not just the two of you.â
Yunjin sucks in a sharp breath, âBut,â She draws, âSophia will be there too.â
Jungwon snaps his fingers, âMy point exactly.â
You arenât really understanding where heâs trying to go with this. âSo what?â
Jungwon continues, âWe donât really know if heâs still under the influence of the experiment,â He explains, nodding towards the duck, âthat changes things. So, I think we should see if his feelings are real or not at the party.â
Your lips twist in thought, âHow do you plan to do that?â You push. It's not that you don't understand what he's trying to say, it's just hard for your head to fully wrap around it.
He smiles then, that same mischievous smile heâd given you all those weeks ago when heâd initially suggested this whole disaster, and itâs then that you know you shouldnât listen to anything that comes out of his mouth.Â
âSimple,â He shrugs, taking a sip of his milkshake. âWe ask.â
Your lips part to respond, but your phone ringing in your pocket interrupts you. Beomgyuâs name flashes across the screen, bold white letters that usually bring you comfort, but strangely are now doing the opposite.
You clear your throat, âHello?â
Beomgyuâs voice sounds from the other side, exhausted and groggy, but heâs got that spark he always does when he says, âI did it.â
You glance up at Yunjin and Jungwon, stomach twisting low. âDid what?â
âI figured it out,â He swallows, âIâve got the cure or whatever weâre calling it.â
And while it should be relief that floods your chest, instead what youâre met with is a cold pinch of disappointment.
Youâd never been one for parties. Even now, dressed in some slim black dress Yunjin picked for you, a vial of something you arenât even sure works in your purse, youâre reminded just why you donât like them.
Theyâre overcrowded, filled with college students all looking to either pass out drunk or find someone to fuck until they forget why they were even there in the first place. It wasnât your crowd, and youâd found peace with that a long time ago.
And yet, you're still here.
Beomgyu nudges your shoulder, eyes searching around the crowd of sweaty bodies. He wasnât one for parties either, but when you explained to him just why you were coming, he insisted on joining. Of course, Yunjin and Jungwon had been ecstatic and you had to explain to them that you were not coming just to have a good time.
You were coming to find out the truth, and that was it.Â
âAre you sure heâs here?â Beomgyu asks.
You nod, âHe texted me earlier and invited me. Said heâd meet us here.â
Sunghoon had been slightly surprised but happy when you confirmed you already planned to come. Heâd told you he might get a little busy with people trying to talk to him, but heâd make sure to try and come find you at some point. You'd scoffed, in disbelief that you seemed to have to schedule a time to talk to him. You knew he was popular, but people here seriously treated him like some celebrity and not a normal college student.
Yunjin smiles next to you, plucking a drink from the countertop. She tips it back against her mouth and chugs it, wiping off the small droplet that spills from her lips.
Beomgyu makes a disgusted face, âYou donât even know where that came from.â
âDoes it matter?â She asks, grabbing another one and shoving it towards you, âIt all ends up in someone's stomach.â
You push her hand away and take a cautious step back. âIâm good, thanks.â
She just shrugs like sheâd been expecting that and hands it to Jungwon, who happily accepts it. âSuit yourself.â
You donât respond, instead unknowingly floating closer to Beomgyu. Your eyes rake along the crowd, hoping to catch a glimpse of a familiar head of black hair, but instead youâre met with the one person you didnât want to see.
Sophia is wearing a soft baby pink skirt and a white top that make her look like the picture of innocence, lips red and tempting. The guy sheâs flirting with clearly isnât immune to her strategy, because his eyes keep falling down to her soft neckline like heâs hoping heâll suddenly develop x-ray vision.
Normally, the sight of her wouldnât bother you. It really shouldnât considering you havenât interacted with her at all outside of the hockey incident. But, for some reason, all you can see when you look at her is Sunghoon.
Sunghoon looking at her like sheâd hung the moon and stars. Sunghoon dragging her to his games. Sunghoon fixing things for her simply because he didnât want her to be sad. Sunghoon telling her he loves her.
You have no right to feel it, but jealousy curls deep in your stomach.Â
You recognize the boy sheâs talking to. Jay, The hockey teams co-captain, and Sunghoons roommate. The same roommate who youâre assuming slept with Sophia.Â
You donât know any of the detailsânever thought it appropriate to ask, really. But you do know that if Sunghoon saw this, heâd probably be pissed. You wonder if thatâs why sheâs flirting with him so openly, because she wants Sunghoon to see. You wouldnât put it beneath her.
The night continues like that, with you and Beomgyu hanging around awkwardly while Yunjin and Jungwon drink until their vision goes blurry. You keep catching glimpses of Sophia, and each time sheâs talking to a different guy. A different pawn, actually.
You haven't even seen Sunghoon once, which is kind of strange considering this party is kind of for him. Youâd even texted him, a quick "you here?" and had gotten no reply.Â
The antidote feels heavy in your purse for reasons you canât exactly explain. You were going to give it to him tonight no matter what, youâd already decided that. Even if you found out that this entire thing meant more to him then you thought it did, you were going to give it to him. Your heart flutters in your chest at the thought, forcing yourself to bite back a smile.
You know you shouldnât get your hopes up, but itâs hard. The duck had to be proof that this whole thing wasnât just a massive fuck upâmaybe it was exactly what youâd needed to finally lead the both of you to each other.
And then, as if itâs fate throwing it in your face, you see Sunghoon.
Heâs laughing at something someone's saying, his cheeks flushed and hair falling over his forehead like heâd deliberately placed it there. He looks goodâbut when does he not?Â
You nudge Beomgyu (Yunjin and Jungwon are too busy on the dance floor) and nod your head towards the black-haired man.
Beomgyu exhales lowly and grips the strap of your bag. âNo matter what he says, he has to drink this.â He insists, âI know it might be easier to keep up with the lieââ
âI know,â You interrupt, placing your hand atop his. You give it a light squeeze, âNo matter the outcome, he has to drink it.â
Beomgyu physically exhales and then shoots you a small smile, âFor what itâs worth,â He murmurs, âI donât think you have anything to worry about.â
âYeah,â You reply, âNeither do I.â And you really mean it.
Sunghoon doesnât notice you approach at first, not until you push past one of his friendsâHeeseung, you think his name isâand his attention snaps to you.
The look he gives you isnât one youâre used to seeing from him. Itâs softer. Like light rain on a warm day. Like the beginning stages of a love that lasts a lifetime.
Every other time itâs been strong. Fierce. Like a house fire at its peak. But nowâŠnow it makes your heart melt just like it did when youâd seen him for the first time three years ago.
âHi,â You breathe.
âHi.â He replies.
His friends have dispersed now, leaving just you and him in the sea of bodies. The moonlight filters through the windows, reflecting across his face in a way that really should be illegal.
âYou came,â He says after a moment, but he doesnât sound surprised.
âI did.âÂ
The air crackles between you in a way it never has before. Real and raw and entirely strange. It should scare youâit does scare youâbut you lean into the feeling. Because if thereâs one thing youâve learned the past couple of weeks, itâs to embrace the fear.
You reach into your purse and pull out the vial. Itâs small, with a few drops of a see-through pink liquid that you donât think anyone should ever be drinking.
âI need you to do something for me,â You tell him, voice shaking slightly. Embrace the fear, you remind yourself. âI need you to drink this.â You say, pushing the vial towards him.
His eyes flicker down to it, and then back up to yours, and for a moment you think he looks guilty.
âLook, [Y/N]ââ
âHoonie!â Your blood feels like it goes cold. Sophia approaches from behind you, shoving past and making her way in front of you like werenât even there.Â
âI got your text,â She grins, voice sweet. But you know she knows what sheâs doing. You know sheâs doing it on purpose to upset you, but youâre not going to give her that satisfaction. âI knew it was only a matter of time before you came to your senses.â
Oh.
Your eyes widen slightly, something mean twisting in your stomach. Your heart feels heavy in a way that physically hurts. Of course. The experiment mustâve worn off, and he was trying to figure out the best way to tell you that he hadnât meant anything heâd said. Thatâs why the air between the two of you had been so different.
You look at the antidote in your hand, and suddenly it feels pointless. Beomgyu did all that work just for it to wear off on its own. But youâd promised that youâd get him to drink it no matter what, and you werenât planning on breaking that.
Sunghoon shakes his head, âSophia, thatâs not why I texted you.â He practically spits, âStop trying to spin this into something you know itâs not.â
She looks genuinely taken aback for a moment but recovers swiftly. âIâm not trying to do anything,â She laughs, but thereâs no humor in it. âYouâre the one who asked me to meet you, yes?â
His eyes flicker to yours, like heâs begging you to hear him out before you jump to conclusions. âI did, butââ
âThen what else am I supposed to assume? Unless,â She turns back to you then, finally acknowledging the fact that youâre there. The sneer on her face when she looks at you is nearly enough to make you feel small. âYou didnât want to say it in front of your rebound.â
Sunghoon visibly bristles, âSheâs notââ
But you've heard enough. âItâs fine,â you say, not letting him finish. You manage a small smile, but it feels like poison against your skin. âI just need you to drink this so we can make sure everything goes back to normal without any hiccups.â
You push it back towards him, but he refuses to take it. â[Y/N], just let me explain.â He begs.
âYou donât need to explain to me.â You reply, and you mean it. Youâd done the exact thing youâd been afraid of since the beginning, and that wasnât his fault. It wasnât his fault that youâd taken everything too seriously despite knowing it was all manufactured by your own hands. Heâd just been an accidental victim. âJust drink it and then we can pretend none of this ever happened.â
When you let your eyes meet his, it hurts so bad you think youâll collapse right there and then. He looks genuinely devastated, eyebrows pulled taut and lips parted. But you canât for the life of you understand why. He was getting what he wanted, right? He was getting Sophia back. He was getting his life back. And so were you.
So why does it feel like nothing will ever be the same again?
He looks like heâs going to protest again, but holds back. Whether itâs for his own sake or yours, you arenât sure.
He takes the vial from you with shaky hands, unscrewing the cap and swallowing it down in one gulp. He doesnât make a face, even though youâre sure it canât taste pleasant.
Once itâs done, you donât bother saying bye. You just nod at him and turn on your heel, ignoring the smirk you can practically feel growing on Sophiaâs face.
Sunghoon got what he wanted. So did you. Thatâs all that should matter.
But you still canât stop the tears from flooding your eyes.
You don't look for your friends, you just get out of there as fast as possible. You knew this would happen, it was exactly why you'd been so worrued at first. And you did exactly what you said you would, you got too involved. You let his words seep through the cracks in your walls instead of strengthening them.
And now you weren't sure they'd ever be fully put back together again.
You spend the next few days locked away in your dorm. You skip class, even though you know you shouldnât, and spend your time watching reruns of New Girl and eating bowls of Lucky Charms.
Usually, hiding away for a few days and letting yourself marinate in your ugly helps. But itâs been days since the party, and the ache in your chest hasnât subsided at all.
Sunghoon tried to text you once, just to check up on you since you hadnât shown up to class, but you didnât respond; just shut off your phone and shoved it in between the couch cushions.
Youâd known this would happen when it started. Knew youâd end up hurt, and the worst part was that it wasnât even anyoneâs fault. There was no one you could shift blame onto; no one you could justify being angry with.
Itâd all just spiraled out of control before you could fix it.
The following Monday you finally decide to suck it up and go to class. You werenât going to let a boy get in the way of your schooling, even if the thought of seeing him made you sick to your stomach. (Also because Yunjin had threatened to call your mom if you didnât show up again, and you really didnât want to have to deal with that.)
Your feet drag when you get there, head hanging low. Youâre expecting Sunghoon to have gone back to his spot before, but when you look up, heâs still in the chair next to yours. He looks different. Tired, almost. Like he hasnât gotten proper sleep in days. You doubt you look any better.
You approach cautiously, hoping and praying that he wonât try and say anything to you. Does he even remember everything that happened? Was memory loss a symptom? You werenât really sure, and you werenât that interested in finding out.
You feel his eyes on you when you sit down, pulling out your computer and crossing one leg over the other. Youâre hoping you look the picture of casual, not like your heart was just unknowingly crushed by the boy next to you.
Sunghoon, for what its worth, doesnât talk to you for the majority of the lesson. Just shakes his leg anxiously and sneaks not-so-subtle glances your way. He keeps biting his bottom lip like he wants to say something, but stops himself before he can. Truthfully, it takes everything in you to not look at him. Itâd be so easy to look into those brown eyes and remember everything heâd saidâto remember every almost-kiss and every i love you that spilled from his lips like oil spilling into an endless clear blue sea.
Itâd be so easy to pretend that nothing had changed between you. That the last two weeks had never happened and things were still how they were beforeâwhen he was the moon and you were the star blinking just for him, hoping for just a sliver of attention.
But, you know things will never be the same.Â
You barely even register the lesson ending, not until you feel Yunjin at your side. She mustâve known youâd need her support right now, and that much you can appreciate.
âYou good?â She mumbles, glancing over at Sunghoon. The lecture hall has begun to clear out now, only a few stragglers remaining. Everyone must be ready to get out of this weather.
You nod, but itâs not sincere. âYeah,â You manage, stuffing your laptop into your bag. It clinks against the glass duck softly, and your heart twists again. âIâm all good.â
Yunjin gives you a look that says she doesn't believe you, but she doesn't push. You stand, starting to make your way down the stairs and finally away from himâbut he stops you.
â[Y/N].â
You almost donât hear him at first, but youâd recognize that tone anywhere. The same one heâd used when he asked you to come to the rink with him. Insistence teetering on the edge of pleading, but there's something that underlines it. Something youâve been recognizing within yourself a little too much lately.
You make the mistake of turning to look at him, and your breath catches in your throat. That look in his eyes is one youâve seen before, the same one youâd convinced yourself meant nothing.
Pure, unfiltered, love.
Except now there isnât any experiment to fall back on.
âCan weâŠâ He glances back at Yunjin and clears his throat. âCan we talk?â
Everything inside of you screams at you to say noâto turn around and ignore the way your body feels like itâs being pulled towards him. Like the world has tilted on its axis and he is your only source of gravity.
Against your own will, you hear yourself say, âOkay.â
Youâve only ever felt genuine fear three times in your life.Â
That time in the second grade when your dad thought itâd be funny to take you on a roller-coaster despite your fear of heights, and youâd cried so hard you ended up throwing up onto the lady in front of you. Then, there was the time youâd accidently switched up a water bottle and literal acid your freshman year of college and watched as your professor drank one of the liquids (Itâd been the water, thank God). And, of course, the time you watched Sunghoon drink your experiment.
But now, standing in some empty corridor with Park Sunghoon, you think you might have to add this to the list.
Embrace the fear, you remind yourself.
He doesnât say anything for a long moment, just stares at you with this unreadable look in his eyes. His hands are shoved in his coat pockets, posture slightly slumped. He doesnât look like the put together golden-boy youâd fallen in love with. He looks more vulnerable; more like a person instead of an idea.Â
He sniffles and juts his chin towards the duck hanging off your bag, âYou arenât scared itâll break again?â He asks softly.
You glance down at the cracked glass, reaching out and holding it between your fingers. âI guess I wasnât worried,â You mumble, âBecause last time it shattered someone put it back together.â
You hear his breath catch at that, and he takes a small step towards you. Heâs close enough now that you can smell his cologne, can feel the ghost of his lips on the crown of your head.
âDo you know why I fixed it?â He asks.
You swallow, having to lift your head slightly to see him. âBecause youâre a nice person, Sunghoon.â You murmur, forcing yourself to take a small step back. Enough distance that his presence doesnât feel like itâs consuming your very soul. âYou wouldâve done it for anyone.â
He breathes out a disbelieving laugh, âThatâs not true.â
âWhat do you mean?â
His eyebrows knit together, âI know youâre smarter than that.â Even though his words are harsh, his tone is soft. Like he canât even conceptualize the concept of being upset with you. Like it's an emotion heâs never even experienced.
Heâs right, you are smarter than that. But last time you let yourself believe, youâd ended up exactly where you knew you would beâwith a broken heart and tear-stained cheeks.
âYou donât understand,â You manage, voice breaking slightly. âYou donât feel that for me. I know you donât.â
âHow do you know that?â
You pause, bottom lip finding itâs way between your teeth. âYouâve been with Sophia for so long, and Iâm just-just me. Sheâs beautiful and popular and I spend more time watching fucking Harry Potter with my friends then I do actually socializing andââ
Sunghoon cuts you off, voice level. âExactly.â
You blink. âWhat?â
âSure, Sophia is popular and objectively beautiful, but she isnât you.â
It takes you a moment to fully process what heâs saying. But still, all you can find in yourself to manage is a quiet, âWhat?â
He takes another step closer, enclosing in on your personal space like he's always belonged there. âShe isnât you.â He repeats.
Youâve only felt genuine fear four times in your life. But only once has it ever melted into something so genuineâsomething so raw and real that your heart has felt like it was bursting at the seams.
âThat night Jungwon shattered your duck, you said something. Do you remember what it was?â
You shake your head softly. All you remember from that night is how upset youâd been that itâd happened and trying to find it in yourself to forgive Jungwon.
Sunghoonâs lips twitch softly, âYou said you loved it because it was different. You said you didnât care that it was a little strange on the outside, because you knew it had a good heart.â
You donât even remember those words coming out of your mouth. Honestly, you donât even remember Sunghoon being close enough to hear them.Â
âI think thatâs when I fell in love with you,â He admits quietly. âI didnât know it at first, but it was there. Everytime you sat down in class and tried not to laugh at something Yunjin said, everytime I saw you and Jungwon studying at the library, I felt it.â He sucks in a breath, âAnd then I drank the experiment.âÂ
You shudder at the memory, lips twisting slightly in discomfort. Youâre expecting him to say that it made him realize his feelings for you werenât actually thereâthat this was all just an elaborately cruel way to reject you.
But then, without even blinking, he says, âBut it didnât work.â
Your world stops for a moment. Thereâs no way thatâs possible. Youâd seen him with your own two eyes acting like a fool to get your attention. Constantly following you around, texting you late into the night, tucking your hair behind your earâall things heâd done because the experiment gave him the confidence to. But, if that wasnât true and the experiment hadnât worked then that meant that all of it had been real. Thereâd never been any pretend. Thereâd never been any accidents.Â
Itâd all been real.
Your eyes widen, hands gesturing in front of you. âBut that doesnât make any sense.â You insist, âYou were acting like youâŠâ Love me. The words linger in the air, like mistletoe teasing you.
You think at first, part of you still didnât believe that he loved you even with him standing here pouring his heart out to you. It just didnât make any sense in your head. But now it was undeniable. It was a burning truth that had forced its way into the light without so much as apologizing.
âBecause I do,â He murmurs, âAnd maybe it was stupid to go about it this way. I wonât argue with you on that. But, can you blame me? Do you know how hard it was to approach you?â
You scoff, âMe? What about you? And what about Sophiaââ
He shakes his head, âThatâs done. Has been for a long time now. Thatâs why I texted her at the party, I wanted to make sure she finally got it through her head that there was nothing there.â
âOh.â
Sunghoon chuckles, voice deep and soft. âYeah,â he mumbles. âOh.â
You look up at him now, into those swimming pools of chestnut. His pupils are slightly dilated, light reflecting off of his irises in a way that looks serene. The air around you fills with a soft tension, one that youâd have to focus on to even really notice.
You donât miss the way his eyes glance down at your lips, silently asking for a permission youâd given him years ago.
He leans in closer, breath warm against your lips. âI really want to kiss you right now,â He murmurs. Your skin tingles when his fingers brush the apple of your cheek, before cupping it softly.
You lean into him, reaching a hand up to cover his own. âWhatâs stopping you?â
He smiles, a big toothy grin that shows off his canines, and then leans forward slowly.
It isnât really a kiss at first, more like he's just lingering there, letting your breaths intermix. His hand travels from your cheek to the side of your neck, gently holding you in place.
And then he surges forward, mouth moving against yours like heâs trying to memorize you. Heâs gentle, holding you like youâre something fragileâlike heâs terrified youâll disappear if he pushes too hard.
He pulls away slowly, grinning from ear to ear like heâs just won the lottery. âYou have no idea how bad I've wanted to do that.â
You giggle, heat crawling up your stomach and swirling around your cheeks. âMaybe you should do it again just to make sure it sticks.â
Sunghoon doesnât hesitate then. His hand finds your waist and pulls you into him, lips colliding with yours in a way that makes your head spin. You think colors swirl behind your eyes, but you canât find it in yourself to care.
âI love you,â Sunghoon murmurs against your lips, âI love the way your nose scrunches when youâre focused,â He kisses the tip of your nose. âI love how kind you are even when people donât deserve it,â Another one to your cheek. âI love that youâre unapologetically you.â
Your heart stutters, laughter bubbling out of your chest uncontrollably.Â
âYou sure it isnât because you accidentally drank a love potion?â You tease, reaching a hand up to tangle in the baby hairs at the nape of his neck.
He huffs, finally pulling away so he can get a good look at you. âI donât think Iâd need a love potion to find my way to you.â He says, voice so sincere it nearly makes tears spring to your eyes.
So, yeah. The thing about Biochemistry is that itâs extremely difficult and sometimes shows you that maybe you should let your curiosity remain exactly thatâcuriosity.
But sometimes, if youâre lucky, it can lead you to exactly where youâre supposed to go.
Sunghoons hand traces down your arm until it finds your hand, and he easily intertwines your fingers like he was always supposed to fit there. âLet me take you home?â
For the first time, you see no reason to argue. No reason to protect your heart or turn him away. So, without a single protest, you say, âOkay.â
You arenât sure exactly how it happened. One minute Sunghoons walking you home, smiling like a kid in a candy store, and the next heâs kissing you like heâll die if he isnât touching you. Your apartment door shuts softly behind you, leaving just the two of you in your space.
You remember the last time heâd been in here, how heâd kissed the crown of your head with tender care. Heâd seemed nervous then, like the action was scandalous. Now, it was nearly the opposite.
He isnât rough, no, heâs deliberate. Fingertips tracing across the curve of your waist, teasing against the hem of your shirt. He kisses you like youâre the oxygen he needs to survive, like he's an addict and your lips are his fix.
It steals your breath away and breathes the air into your lungs all at once.
âTell me to stop and I will.â He grunts against you, hands tugging at your waist and pulling you closer against him until youâre flush against his body.Â
âSunghoon,â You gasp when you feel the growing bulge in his pants brush against your thigh. âDonât you ever stop.â
Thatâs all it takes before heâs tapping your thigh once and lifting you into his arms. His hands take up half your thighs, kneading the skin as he carries you to your bedroom. Youâre giggling the whole way there, hearts in your eyes and cheeks flushed.
He places you down on the bed gently, your hair fawning out around you like a halo. He sucks in a breath and crawls over you, eyes trained on your face. His knuckles brush your cheek, and you lean into it on pure instinct.
âYouâre so beautiful,â He murmurs, voice tender. âCanât believe youâre letting me love you.â
You smile, bringing a hand up to cup his cheek. âThereâs no one in this world for me except for you, Park Sunghoon.â
He grins, burying his face in the nape of your neck like heâs embarrassed. âYeah?â
âYeah,â You answer, not even having to second guess yourself. âIâm so in love with you it hurts.â
He whines at your words, lips tracing across the skin of your neck, the length of your jaw, the space behind your ear, tongue darting out occasionally to mark you as his.
He tugs gently at your shirt and you arch your back so he can pull it over your head and toss it across the room, but it gets stuck on your elbow and he has to tug it loose. You laugh when it finally comes off, your hair falling in places it isnât supposed to.
Sunghoon giggles and pecks your lips. âYouâre making this difficult," he teases.
You just shrug and settle back down, ignoring the way his fingers trail over your bare stomach and pop open the button of your jeans. âI have to make you work for it.â
He smirks, devilish and no longer with any of that boyishness heâd had earlier. âYeah, baby?â He whispers, voice husky. âWant me to beg you to let me taste you?â
Your breath hitches, bottom lip finding its way in between your teeth. Suddenly, nothing is funny anymore.Â
He unzips your jeans and slowly drags them down your legs, tossing them to the floor and out of sight. âWant me to beg you to let me fuck you?â He continues.
You whimper, the sound escaping you without your permission. Youâd be lying if you said the idea of Sunghoon on his knees for you doesnât make something burn deep in your belly, but the thought of admitting that to him make your nerves spike with embarrassment.
He chuckles, sinking down to his knees until his face is level with your cunt. You canât help but squirm in place, because even though your panties still cover you, you feel completely exposed. If you wouldâve known this was going to happen today, you wouldâve worn something much cuter. Not your days of the week pantied and an old bra that was a pathetic excuse for lacy.Â
Sunghoons breath ghosts against your growing slick, and you know your panties are already damp. âYou gonna let me touch you, baby?â He asks.
You nod your head insistently, hips searching for any kind of relief. He just chuckles and places a hand on your tummy to hold you down. âNeed to hear you say it.â He murmurs. You can feel his lips brushing against your core, his nose nudging in the junction of your hip. Heâs so close to giving you what you want, but he wonât. Not until he hears it coming from your own lips.
âPlease,â You gasp. Your own voice sounds so needy, completely foreign to your own ears. âWanâ you to touch me, Hoon.â
He groans, but immediately obliges. He doesnât devour you at first, just lets his tongue lick small little kitten licks over your panties. You jump at the feeling, but he uses his spare hand to grip your hip and hold you down.Â
Heâs messy with it, even when heâs being gentle. He licks you open until youâre teary eyed and your panties are so drenched they look nearly see-through. He just sighs dreamily, like heâs enjoying some five-star meal and not like heâs eating you out like his life depends on it.
Pretty soon though you get over feeling everything without actually feeling it, because yes, it feels fucking insaneâbut you want to actually feel his lips against your bare folds. Want to feel him suck against your clit while his fingers get you ready to take him. Itâs just actually admitting that thatâs the hard part.
âSunghoon,â You whine, hips stuttering slightly. âStop teasing me.â
He pulls off of you, tongue darting out to lick his lips. âIâm not teasing you, baby.â He chuckles, thumb rubbing soothing circles on the skin of your hip.Â
You huff, âYou are.â
He raises a brow and begins to stand, and your stomach immediately drops. âYou want me to stop then?â
âNo!â You cry, shaking your head furiously. âGod, no, donât-donât stop.â
He nods slowly, finding his place on his knees in front of you once again. âThen be a good girl and tell me what you want.â
It shouldn't be as embarrassing as it is. Youâre a twenty-something year old woman with a sparkling GPA and enough experience under your belt that asking for something like this should be easy. But Sunghoons looking at you so tenderly, his hair a slight mess and eyes fucked out without even having been touched, and youâre finding it difficult to get the words out.
âI wantâŠâ You suck in a shaky breath, forcing your gaze to the ceiling. âI want you to eat me out. Properly.â
He grins and presses a chaste skin to the inside of your thigh. âSee?â He hums, âthat wasnât so hard was it?â
You don't bother giving him a response, because heâs already pulling your panties off your legs and plunging back in like a man starved. His lips wrap around your clit and suck the bud into his mouth, causing your back to arch and a loud moan to fall from your lips.
He doesnât stop after that, licking and sucking with such expertise you wonder how Sophia could ever want anything else. She had all this and genuinely thought she was going to get better? What a fucking joke.
âS-Sunghoonââ You gasp, fingers tightening into fists in his hair. He groans when you tug lightly, and you swear you see his hips roll against nothing.Â
The hand on your belly travels down until he reaches your fluttering hole, gently pushing his middle finger inside of you. The stretch isnât intense, more like just a subtle pressure between your hips, but itâs drowned out by the stimulation against your clit.
His fingers arenât abnormally large, but they are long. So long he finds your g-spot with ease and curls his finger against it until you swear youâre seeing stars. You let out a choked whimper, hips stuttering against him.
He seems to take that as a good sign because heâs slipping another finger inside now, intensifying the stretch and making your eyes roll back. His fingers move in tandem with his tongue, licking and thrusting until your vision starts to blur at the corners. Youâre close, you know itâcan feel it tightening deep in your stomach.
âGonna-gonna cum, fuck, mâcummingââ
Sunghoon hums, and the vibrations are exactly what you need to reach your peak. Your back bows off the bed, mouth falling open and eyes squeezing shut. You release with a silent cry of his name. He fucks you through it, and you can feel his eyes on you as he does. Watching the rise and fall of your chest, the way your legs shake slightly with aftershocks. Heâs studying this image of you, fucked out and empty-headed, like heâs committing it to memory.
When he finally pulls away your vision is slowly starting to come back to you. You barely register him maneuvering to come up next to you until you watch him rid himself of his shirt and you come face-to-face with the hard plains of his chest. His skin is soft and milky, the soft lines of his abs rising and falling as he takes in breaths of air.Â
You reach for him and he complies, falling over you until youâre chest to chest. You donât waste any time before youâre kissing him again. You can taste the saltiness of your own slick on his lips, but you donât careâinstead, you kiss him deeper.
His tongue slips until your mouth, brushing against your own. Itâs wet and gross and fucking perfect. âSunghoon,â You manage between pants, âFuck me.â
A beat passes as his eyes find yours, âYeah?â
You nod, and thatâs all the answer he needs. He wastes no time ridding himself of his pants and lining himself up with your entrance. He pushes in slowly, taking in every expression you make like heâs scared heâll hurt you. And, yeah, heâs big. Like, bigger than anything youâve ever taken. But the stretch is also perfect, filling you so completely your eyes nearly roll back.
âFuck, youâre warm,â He mumbles, words slurring together. He sounds drunk on you.Â
When he bottoms out, you swear youâre seeing soundwaves and hearing colors. His tip nudges against that spot in you perfectly, curved at just the right angle.
He takes a moment to let you adjust, but you can tell heâs holding himself back. His fingers drip the sheets with effort, bottom lips in between his teeth. You roll your hips once, testing the waters, and the pleasure that floods through you forces a moan out of the both of you.
âDonât do that,â He says breathily, voice on the verge of collapse. âFuck.â
It takes a second, but his hips slowly start to push into yours. His thrusts are shallow at first, just little pushes that help you to accommodate his size, but itâs not long before they turn rougher.
He pulls out halfway just to slam back in, and your breath actually gets ripped from your lungs. Stars swim behind your eyes as he finds his pace, âFuck,â You breathe.
Sunghoon gasps, burying his face in your neck. âI love you,â He groans, âFuck, I love this pussy. I love the way you sound. Love the way you fucking feel. Youâre perfect,â He babbles.
You part your lips to reply, but all that comes out is a sob when he thrusts particularly hard. You tighten instinctively around him, and he falters for a split-second before heâs finding his tempo again.
He fucks you like youâve been denying him for years, like heâs spent every night dreaming of this. Tears of pleasure begin to streak across your cheeks; each he kisses away without so much as a hum.
Itâs so intimate, so perfect, so full of love that you donât even notice youâre approaching your climax until it crashes over you.
âFuck, just like that,â Sunghoon whimpers, reaching down and rubbing light circles over your clit. âYouâre so perfect. Such a good fucking girl. My good girl.â And then heâs releasing inside of you, hot spurts of cum painting your insides.
He stays inside of you after he comes, both of you panting hard, sweat and fluids leaking from your bodies. He eventually pulls out and lays down next to you, his arm across your middle.
Youâre silent for a moment, collecting your thoughts. You just had Sex with Park Sunghoon. Not only that, but Park Sunghoon is in love with you. Heâd said it enough times tonight for you to finally really believe it.
âYou okay?â He asks softly, reaching up and tucking a piece of hair behind your ear. The gentleness in which he treats you now is such a stark contrast to the brutalness of which he just fucked you that you nearly laugh.
âYeah,â You hum, voice a bit raspy. âIâm perfect.â
Sunghoon grins and pulls you into him. He kisses you again, but there arenât any intentions behind it. Instead, itâs slow and sweet, like heâs hoping to convey every emotion heâs ever felt into the kiss.
âGood,â he says, pulling away slightly. âBecause Iâm going to remind you of how much I love you as much as I can.â
You laugh, âAre you asking to fuck me again?â
He shakes his head, âNo,â He whispers, âIâm asking if I can make love to you again.â
And it doesnât take much for you to say yes.
Youâve been dating Park Sunghoon for nine months and fourteen days. Nine months of hockey games, late night study session, and weekly dates (all of which he insisted he pay for). Nine months of surprise gifts, of sweet words, and daily reminders of just how lucky you are to have him.
Yunjin groans next to you, typing away furiously on her phone. âI canât believe this is happening again!â She whines.
âI told you that a man you met on snapchat quick add wasnât going to end up the love of your life.â Beomgyu sings knowingly, shoveling popcorn in his mouth.
âFor what it's worth, he really wasnât even that cute.â Jungwon adds.
She shoots him a glare, âShut up, you donât know what youâre talking about. Jiung was fucking beautiful and now heâs ghosting me!â
You shiver slightly, watching Sunghoon glide on the ice. Heâs instructing his teammates to do something; you arenât really sure. Heâd tried to explain the rules of hockey to you months ago, but your brain was very clearly made for science and not sports.
âTry not to worry about it, Yunjin,â you say sympathetically, placing a comforting hand on her back. âYou just havenât met your person yet.â
She scoffs, gesturing at your shirt. âEasy for you to say when youâre already practically married to, like, the most perfect guy on the planet!â
You glance down at what youâre wearingâa blue jersey with the number 23 sprawled in the middle. Sunghoons hockey number.
You would argue with her, maybe try to make her feel better, but your eyes lock with Sunghoons across the rink for just a moment, and you stop yourself.
Because, well, sheâs right. You did get lucky. You glance down at the duck hanging off of your bag, the very thing that had unknowingly started this entire thing.
âYeah,â You shrug, âYouâre right.â
And when you go home that night, listening to Sunghoon ramble about scoring the winning goal, you know that there's nowhere else you'd rather be.
thank you guys so much for reading đ„Č this story took everything out of me but iâm mostly happy with how it came out. ily guys <3
[ part one of the love in art series ] | [ curated: part two ]
featuring: enhypen's sunghoon, jay, and ni-ki; aespa's giselle
summary: sunghoon doesnât photograph peopleânot since his ex. but when a persistent reporter is assigned to interview him for a documentary feature, she starts digging beneath the frame⊠and finds the raw, intimate truths heâs kept hidden.
genre: fluff, smut, angst, minimal slice of life, slow burn, strangers to lovers
pairing: journalist-turned-gallery curator!reader x photographer sunghoon
word count: 18,500~ (damn)
warnings: oral sex (female-receiving), body worship, alcohol consumption, mentions of death (loss of a loved one), toxic manager, toxic workplace, workplace politic [to be updated bc i forgot how this app works after three years of inactivity]
âNice going, Y/N.â
You inwardly sigh at your editor, Giselleâs monotonous one-liner. Despite the positive overtones of her comments, you always knew something disappointing and anticlimactic was next to come out of her mouth. In your three years of working under her care, you became desensitized to this scenario.
You had no idea why you were still stuck working with your stuck-up editorâmaybe because you managed to secure a spot in one of the biggest news and media outlets in the country and couldn't afford to lose it to a newbie, or the fact that you're left to fend for yourself after your mother shifted her focus on working to send your brother to college instead of not picking favorites.
âBut I think this could use some moreâŠâ
Oh, there she goesânitpicking the well-organized, well-written documentary screenplay about the award-winning songwriter Kim Namjoon that you've worked days and nights on. You try your best not to roll your eyes at the fact that you were already at your third revision which happened to be your personal limit.
â...but, eh, maybe Iâll just work on these minor details. Thanks for the help!â
All of that nitpicking only to retract it in the end. With the last bit of patience remaining in your body, you mutter a quick âthank youâ and saunter away from your supervisorâs cubicle. You stop in your tracks when suddenly she calls you back again.
What is it this time? You turn in your heels and practically drag your feet back to her cubicle. âYes?â
âIâll be out of office next week. Airline had a seat sale I couldn't miss," Giselle says with a nonchalant shrug that ticked you off.
You honestly forgot the last time you were able to spend your PTO for its intended purposeâleisure and relaxation. It was often saved for emergenciesâor in your case, emergency crashoutsâbecause God only knows how slim the chances are for you to breathe in such a fast-paced industry.
But you couldn't bring yourself to fight back. After all, you chose to be where you are today.
Your boss turns her laptop in your direction, a Google Images tab with the search âPark Sunghoon photographerâ on display. âSee that mysterious-looking person? I want you to interview him.â
You take over the trackpad and start scrolling through the page, brows getting more and more knitted as you go. Is this person supposed to be a photographer? You skim through bland headshots, press photos, and random pictures of scenery.
âPark Sunghoon. Photographer. Youngest Hasselblad Award holder at the age of nineteen.â
Even the array of his accolades and awards didn't convince you that his visuals were a good match to his profession. âYou sure this person isn't a model? Or a celeb?â
âSweetheart, that face would be on every billboard in the street if he was," Giselle says flatly. âThat's why we need you for the whole world to get to know him.â
âBut why me?â you immediately blurt out, voicing out what was supposed to be an inner thought. âYou don't let me do interviews⊠even if I wanted to.â
You make sure to mutter the last part as inaudibly as possible, feeling salty because you felt boxed into being an errand girl for the longest time instead of getting sent out to the field where you knew you were very much needed.
âBecause Iâm going on vacation," she quips, matter-of-factly. âAnd you're not.â
âYeah, right," you chuckle dryly. How dare she rub that all over your face? âDo I talk to the segment producerââ
âYes, and make it quick," she cuts you off and jabs a stack of files into your chest before turning her back on you, blocking you off.
Fuck it. You roll your eyes the moment you start walking to the producersâ corner, mentally preparing yourself for the hell you were about to face.
âYou what?!â you blurt out in surprise at the segment producerâs orders.
âYou heard that right,â the middle-aged segment producer with a beer belly and a receding hairline replies thoughtlessly. âWeâre gonna be looking more into that mysterious photographer, why he bought back the photo he auctioned off for almost a hundred million won, and most importantly, why he refuses to photograph people no matter how much the offer is.â
You scowl brazenly at the man sitting behind the table in front of you, failing to see the tie-in between Park Sunghoonâs mysterious personality into the central theme of the documentary episode: the youngest award-winning artists of the country.
You awkwardly roam your eyes around the corners of the office walls before muttering, âDon't you think that's a bit too invasive?â
âInvasive as it may seem, it's good promo.â
âFor him?âÂ
âNo, silly.â the producer shakes his head in disbelief. âFor us! People love a head-turning story, Y/N, and a head-turning person as the subject of human interest. A nineteen-year old bagging the most prestigious photography award in the world? Sure, meh. But the mystery behind his personality? That's gonna sell out so fast! People are gonna fall for that man like how millions lost their shit over Michael Jackson.â
âI donât understandâŠâ you trail off, retreating against the cold backrest of your seat. âI thought we were featuring Park Sunghoon for his art, his craftââ
âOh, you will when you get there, hon," he shrugs. âThis is the reality of the present media, Y/N. Itâs full of juicy gossip, a little fucked up, but it pays your bills a hefty amount. Win-win!â
You couldn't say no to that. The amount of deception in the company you've seen before your very eyes has given you enough reasons to draft a resignation letter, but with the lack of demand for employees in your industry, you were chained to your sole source of income, at least until a miracle saves you from your despair.
Sure, you were hungry for all things interesting, but not this hungry.
You start slapping yourself internally, hoping that this was all a dream and you just overslept in your cubicle in an hour-long break. But with the incessand keyboard typing sounds and the annoying printer whirs, you start to think otherwise.
Fuck my life. âWhat's in it for me?â
âWhatever Giselle misses out on.â
Maybe this task was an opportunity to finally one-up your bitch of an editor. You couldn't help but think about how you would welcome her knowing youâve hogged her pay for yourself because she splurged all her life savings into a pretentious vacation instead of doing her job.
But with how much favoritism your company has, you knew that wouldn't be the case.
âWe're willing to pay you more than the cost of your whole gallery, Mr. Park. Please consider us just this once!â
âThis is a once-in-a-lifetime moment, and my daughter is such a big fan of your work. She would be very delighted to see her most favorite photographer on her eighteenth birthday.â
Requests like these make Sunghoon rethink his life choices sometimes. He really couldn't wrap his head around the fact that a lot of people have no idea of an artist's true valuesâthey just want artists for what they put out in the world, but can't bother to respect them as people.
He stifles an exasperated sigh, realizing that he was still on a Zoom call with potential clients, a couple wanting him as an exclusive photographer for their daughter's birthday extravaganza.Â
He never does birthdays, let alone public events. Looking through his online portfolio, they should've known about it from the very beginningâthat he never, ever takes photographs of human subjects.
âIâm sorry, Mr. and Mrs. Moon. As much as Iâm honored to have young people like your daughter admire my work, I have to decline your offer.â
âPlease, Mr. Park, we need to do this for our daughter!â
Sunghoon wanted to laugh, but not at their faces, of course. He's in disbelief of whatâs happening. âWith all due respect, if you say your daughter is a fan of me, IÂ think she would be nice enough to know that I don't take photos of people.â
The wife looks at her husband nervously. âBut, hon, we promised herâŠâ
âI know, I know, let me handle this, will you?â
Pissed off, he turns off his mic momentarily and mutters, âThis is why you don't make promises you're not sure you can keep.â
He turns it back on and says, âIâm really sorry. I can't grant your request. Please understand. Have a good day.â
âBut, wait, Mr. Park, weââ
He ends the Zoom call heavy-heartedly, feeling a tinge of guilt for rejecting another gig. But photographing people was out of his bounds for the longest time, and he prefers to keep it that way.
It gives him a strange peace of mind.
Just as he's about to get up from his chair for a cup of coffee, a Gmail notification pops up on his laptop. He sighs, reading over the email subject with squinted eyes.
âRequest forâoh, fuck me," he grumbles, skimming over the email begrudgingly upon seeing âThe Heraldâ in the subject line. ââWe would like to invite you to be featured in a segment of our documentary episode titled: âShutter Startersâ...â
Ah, yes. Another media outlet âwanting to bring his work into the spotlightâ. He didn't mind being on TV or social media, but something about such requests made him hesitant to involve himself in any activity that would trigger unwanted publicity.
It all seemed ironic for a world-renowned photographer, but it was Sunghoonâs way to keep himself grounded.
He continues to read through the email. ââWe promise to keep personal information confidential⊠Please let us know the best date for an in-depth interview⊠Regards, Y/N L/NâŠâ
He squints harder. The email came from a top media outlet, but the name on the signature didn't ring a bell. A new hire? Usually it would be the higher-upsâa producer, or a senior reporterâsending such invitations, but seeing the âjunior multimedia reporterâ title, he gets intrigued.
So he pulls up LinkedIn, searches the name, and to his surprise, a decent portfolio welcomes him. He shrugs, then proceeds to type an email to confirm his participation in the documentary episode.
âThis better be good," he mutters as he hits the send button. âFuck, I need my coffee.â
A sleek two-storey house.
It was what welcomed you and the whole production team behind you once you were dropped off at Park Sunghoon's address. The exterior was simple, straightforward, with a few hanging and pot plants decorating the front yard. A small, cozy patio sits beside the house, also surrounded with greenery.
For a holder of a multitude of photography awards, he surely lived a humble lifestyle.
âYou sure this was the address, Y/N?â A crew member quips behind you.
âIt has to beâŠâ You trail off, checking your maps app to see if the pin matches the location you were in. âIt says this is his address. House number is the same.â
âDoesn't look like a famous photographerâs house to me.â Another one comments. âHey, what if he's a fraudââ
You cut off all their rambling with a quick press on the gateâs bell, and you can feel them straighten up behind you. You stifle a chuckle.
âI wouldn't judge him if I were you," you say rather proudly. âYou're gonna get us killed.â
And as if on cue, the gate swings open, revealing what you all thought to be a maid or a guard. To your surprise, it was Sunghoon itself that opened the gate for you.
âOh, you guys must be from The Herald," he says with a slight smile. âGood morning.â
You clear your throat and say back, âGood morningââ
âAh, I should let all of you in first, right?â He chuckles awkwardly, opening the gate wider. âThen we can get acquainted with each other. What do you say?â
There was something about his soft-spokenness that caught your attention. His exterior screamed elegance, authority, and renown, but his first words to you opened up a softer atmosphere.Â
You didnât know what you expected, exactly. Something sleek, maybe. Minimalist. Something that fit the mystery the public had built around him.
What you got was something else entirely.
The house was small, tucked into a quiet side street, the kind of place you'd walk past without a second glance. Inside, it smelled faintly of coffee and dust and whatever book had last been left open too long. Sunlight streamed in through bare windows. No curtains. No filters.
There were no assistants, no managers, no carefully staged shelves. Just stacks of old photo books, and a few framed prints leaning against the wall.
The interior of Sunghoon's house welcomes you and the prod crew with quiet extravagance. Some familiar art pieces hang neatly on the walls of his living room, including a particular you recognizedâMonetâs âFloating Worldsâ.
One could tell that the owner of his house loved art like a parent loves their child. There was a healthy amount of it in all corners of Sunghoonâs abode. He lived alone, but the beauty of art was there to keep him company in his loneliest times.
This homey house was definitely way better than the cheap, run-down apartment you called âhomeâ.
âUhm, Mr. Parkââ
âSunghoon," he corrects. âIâm more comfortable being addressed by my name.â
âSunghoon, right," you echo as you walk after him. âJust a heads up, Iâll be with the prod team for the interview. Minimal interaction neededâthey'll just be behind the cameras for documentation.â
âNo problem with that,â he replies quickly. âYou can set up your equipment in my workspace. Let me know if you'd need anything cleaned up.â
To your surprise, his workspace didn't need cleaning. The room was crowded with a ton of photography equipment, but for a photographer who's booked and busy, it was relatively neater than you expected.
Sunghoon's workspace takes you into a different world with his photos on display. Some of them youâve seen published online or on his portfolio, but others youâre seeing for the first time. He took a lot of notes, his accent wall almost looking like a pinboard with how much Post-Its were stuck on it.Â
However, a particular photo tucked into the farthest corner of the wall catches your keen eye.
It was a portrait. Or almost.
A person sat at the edge of a benchâshoulders curled slightly forward, hands tucked between their knees. Their face was turned away, caught mid-movement, hair covering the line of their jaw. The light cut sharply across the frame, casting the rest in shadow.
You couldnât see the expression. Couldnât even say if the subject was smiling or sad. But the photo was tenderâachingly so.
Whoever it was, heâd captured them like they were the last real thing on earth.
You step closer without meaning to. Just enough to see the edge of a handwritten date at the bottom corner: 2017.
And here I thought he didn't take photos of people.
âY/N, I think weâre ready!â A crew member bellows as he sets down the chair for you to sit on. âWe're just waiting for your cue.â
Were you that distracted that you forgot why you were in Park Sunghoon's house in the first place? You momentarily shake off the thoughts in your head, sauntering to the seat across Sunghoonâs. A table with a cold, dripping pitcher of water separates the two of you. You definitely would need a big gulp after this ordeal.
It was only at this moment that you were able to get a closer look at him.Â
He was tall, clean-cut, and sharply dressed. His features were symmetricalâstrong jaw, straight nose, slightly stubbled, freshly shaved skin. His hair was neatly styled, and he carried himself with quiet confidence. His thick eyebrows were the highlight of his facial makeup, making even the subtlest expression more prominent to the viewer.Â
âRolling in 3, 2, 1âŠâ
Beep. That's your cue to start the interview. You straighten your back and stop fidgeting with your pencil, looking Sunghoon in the eye as if he didn't intimidate you the moment you step foot in his house.
âGood morning. My name is Y/N L/N from The Herald, and I'm here to interview you for a feature on our upcoming documentary episode, âShutter Starters: How Young Photographers Started Out.â Can you start off by briefly introducing yourself?â
âHello, Y/N. My name is Park Sunghoon. I have been a landscape and travel photographer for fifteen years now. I take photos of scenery and the beauty of nature, and thatâs what keeps me alive, I guess," he ends his introduction with an awkward shrug and a smile.
You nod. âYou've been in the industry for quite a while. How did Hasselblad award-winner Park Sunghoon get into photography in the first place? How did you start out?â
Something in the animated tone of your voice lifts off a weight on Sunghoonâs shoulders. It gave off genuine interest rather than just plain investigation. He inches slightly to the edge of his seat.
âI was nine. I went on a trip with my family to the Grand Canyon and couldn't get enough of the views from above. And the sunset shining over those land masses? It was to die for. My mom only had a small digital camera and it couldn't fully capture what I was seeing before my eyes. So after that trip, I asked her for a starter camera as a birthday gift.â
âThen it branched out from there. From digital cameras, I was catapulted to DSLRs. I even got to try the vintage ones with the shutter curtains.â
âInteresting," You reply as you start scribbling the information in outlines. âWas that when you found your knack for photography? Did you start training right away?â
He purses his lips for a few seconds before answering. âIt didn't come right away. It took a lot of convincing, a lot of begging, and some strings I had to pull just for my parents to let me pursue photography.â
Strings to pull? What does he possibly mean by that? You ponder for a bit, figuring out your next course of action.Â
Sensing your confusion, Sunghoon clarifies, âNot pull strings, sorry. I worded that wrong. I meant, I had some enthusiastic friends to back me up on my journey, because photography isn't a cheap profession. While it does take talent, it also takes a hefty amount off of your bank account.â
You chuckle at the witty remark, and he was quick to pick that sound up. It instinctively makes him smile as well.
âBut why photography, Sunghoon? Why not something like architecture, orâŠâ you shrug, âmaybe, modeling or show business? âCause you can easily be a brand ambassador with that face.â
âWhat?â He cackles, the sudden compliment catching him off-guard. He can feel his heart slightly flutter. âWait, sorryâI just⊠That was sudden, but thank you. I like to think that Iâm quite handsome.â
Of course, you had to sneak that in to alleviate the tension in the room. You giggle. âI see where you get your confidence from.â
âWhy photography, you ask?â Sunghoon leans forward, elbows propped up on his knees and fingers locked together. âWell, it's how I appreciate the world.â
It was a quick statement, but so profound, you had to jot it down and make it the central theme of his segment.
âIt's a really interesting profession. You discover picturesque spots in places you wouldn't expect. You capture moments and perspectives to connect with the viewers. Itâs finding the beauty even in the most mundane. It's not just taking photosâthese photos are curated by artists like me to speak to people beneath the surface.â
It was also why Sunghoon was sensitive in conversations when it comes to his hobby-turned-profession. He thinks not a lot of people see the beauty in underrated art forms, which sucks as a believer of art being a method of self-expression and a form of therapy.
And so you listen to him ramble on and on about his love for his craft. He was still soft-spoken, but his enthusiasm increased with every word. Even the production crew ended up smiling in endearment.
You also watch how his eyes crinkle whenever his grin widens, how his eyebrows framed the rest of his face with every expression he makes. He was a good-looking man with a deep connection to artâjust when you thought one couldn't have those two qualities at the same time.
You glance down at your notes, the paper suddenly heavier in your hands than it had felt that morning.
Half the questions were about his photographyâhis process, his philosophy, the muted blues and grays that had become his signature. The other half, scrawled in a different pen by your editorâs hand, read like a tabloid checklist: âWhy did he buy back the photo he had auctioned for 12 million won?â, âWhy doesn't he go out in public often? Is he avoiding scrutiny?â, âGet something emotionalâsomething viral.â
Across from you, he sits in stillness. One leg crossed over the other. Calm. Guarded. His fingers tapped faintly on the arm of the chair. Not impatient, but aware. Heâs waiting. Maybe even watching to see which version of you would speak next.
You open your mouth, then close it again.
âWho was the person in the photo you auctioned off but bought back?â You could say. âYou said you don't take photos of human subjects. Are they an exception?â
âYou're not going to ask me why I don't take photos of people?â Sunghoon breaks the silence.
You hesitate. This was what The Herald wanted.
âNot unless you want to talk about it,â you reply, taking a small sip of water. âIâm not here to corner you.â
He looks at youâfor the first time, really looks at you.
âWell, since you weren't demanding about it," he smiles âMaybe I can tell you.â
You scoot to the edge of your seat, still feeling reluctant deep inside. This was beyond your boundsâasking parties questions that pry into sensitive or personal information, but since Sunghoon has already initiated the conversation, you hop into it reluctantly.
âYour work has a distinct sense of distance. Empty spaces. Structures, landscapes⊠but not people. Why is that?â You ask, voice slightly wavering. âI mean, it's one of the most common photography subjects in existence. Why do you shy away from it?â
Sunghoon gulps, realizing that he brought this situation upon himself. How honestly was he supposed to answer that question? âIt's not that I don't like people, I just feel likeââ
And just like that, the words get all stuck up in his throat, maybe in hesitation or frustration, who knows?Â
âI feel like not even the most top-notch of cameras can truly capture the beauty of a person," he says, half lying. âYou know how you look nice in a selfie, but suddenly you're a different person when someone else takes a photo of you?â
Everything he said makes sense, but the subtle discomfort in his expression doesn't. It was the slight falter in his words and the restlessness of his eyebrows that gave it away. But you bite into your cheek, keeping your face stoic as you listen.
âIt's personally not my area of expertise," he continues. âPlaces are⊠quieter. They're not demanding. They don't ask anything of you.â
You watch Sunghoon carefully, the way the pacing of his words start to become cautious, the flicker of somethingâpain? grief?âat the mention of the word âpeopleâ.
He was hiding something. Not out of manipulationâbut protection. Of someone. Of himself.
You could press. You could peel it open. But you didnât.
Instead, you nod, writing nothing down.
âPlaces can hold memories,â you offer softly. âAnd sometimes thatâs easier than capturing the people we remember.â
His eyes flick back to you, a crack in the silence.Â
âYeah," he says quietly. âExactly that.â
And for the first time, you knew you didnât have to ask the real question.
Not yet.
Maybe not at all.
You take a deep breath and say, âDo you need a short break?â
âNope," Sunghoon shakes his head. âWe can keep going if you've got more questions.â
The afternoon sun was out when you had finished the interview with Sunghoon. Before you and the crew went, he was kind enough to offer you refreshments and snacks.Â
He was still reserved even off-camera, had a few words but a million thoughts. You couldn't not tellâyouâve been staring at his face for God knows how long as he passed you your drinks one by one.Â
And while on your way home, you still think about it. About him. About how a mystery of a person he is. You smile to yourself, but remembering your duty to The Herald, your smile drops.
It was a hefty pay and a promotion on the line. You couldn't possibly pass that up.Â
And now you were alone.
Alone with three pages of good, careful answers.
Articulate. Vague. Beautiful.
Clean.
You stare down at your notebook, flipping back to the middle where sheâd circled a single questionâtwice, then angrily scratched it out halfway through the interview.
âWhy donât you photograph people?â
You knew the real answer was there, tucked behind the way his voice faltered when you brought up memory. The way he wouldnât meet your eyes when you asked about distance.
But he hadnât said it. And you hadnât pushed.
Because you weren't that kind of reporter.
Or maybe because you didnât want to become one.
You rub at your temple, your jaw clenched tight.
âYou got nothing,â your editor would say. âAll that time, and he gave you fog.â
But it wasnât fog. Not really. It was restraint.
It was the kind of silence that meant somethingâsomething harder to explain in headlines and pull quotes.
You knew you could dress it up. Add a dramatic angle, stretch his pauses into something viral.
But that wasnât the story you wanted to write.
And if that meant losing the front page, then so be it.
Just when youâre about to retreat into bed, your phone buzzes, much to your dismay. You assume itâs either your segment producer pulling on your leg, or your mother checking up on you at the most random times of days. You grumble, but answer the phone anyway.
âHello?â you call out. âWho is this?â
âIs this Y/N L/N?â
âYes, this is sheâWait,â you scowl at the familiar soft voice at the other end of the line. âWho are you?â
âIt's Sunghoon. I was worried that I didn't get an updated phone number from the email, so I had to check.â
Well, that checks out. You scowl, confused about why the youngest Hasselblad award holder is suddenly on your phone at 11 in the night. âW-Why are you calling me? Do you need something?â
âActually,â he replies. âI think it's you who might need something from me.â
âHuh?â you blurt out. âI mean, pardon?â
He chuckles briefly, letting out probably the most beautiful sound you've ever heard. âAre you free next week? Maybe we can discuss this over coffee.â
âYesâWait, whatââ you stutter, feeling lost with the lack of context. âSunghoon, can you at least tell me whatâs this about?â
âAbout earlier,â he answers. âI feel like I need to tell you some things.â
Playing it safe, you retort, âI don't understand, I thought you already told me everything in the interview?â
âI told The Herald everything they needed to know,â he emphasizes the name of your outlet, implying that he hadn't been so transparent in your interview. âI generally don't fully trust media outlets like yours because they can twist any information they possess to their liking.â
He wasn't wrong, but how could he know that there was a hint of invasion in the questions you asked? He said it himselfâyou weren't so pressing about it.Â
So what could've possibly gone wrong?
âBut you,â he adds. âI take it this is something youâre against.â
âIââ
âYou said yes to my offer,â he cuts you off ruthlessly. âIâll text you the address. Drinks are on me.â
Before you can word out a reply, he hangs up the call.Â
You bury your head in your notebook, thinking back to your encounter with Sunghoon, trying to figure out what gesture or facial expression youâve made gave him an idea that the direction of the questions were beyond your control.
âFuck!â You grumble, banging your head against your pillow.
There was no guarantee heâd say anything he hadnât already said. No promise of the answer you hadnât dared to force from him. But you showed up anyway, notebook and voice recorder tucked away in a drawer at your house, phone silenced in your bag.
When you arrived, he was already thereâsame black coat, same silence.
But something about him was⊠looser. He didnât have his usual camera with him. That alone felt like a confession.
âNo recording?â he asks, lifting a brow.
âNo recording,â you confirm.
Your answer calms Sunghoon down a little, feeling more relieved that no cameras were pointed at him and for once, he didn't feel like he was being held hostage, that one wrong word can cost him his life.
Because it was only youâa reporter who he knew was stuck in the wrong place. He could let his walls down a bit⊠could he?
âKinda strange seeing you without a notebook in your hand,â Sunghoon comments.
âI need to be a person sometimes, Sunghoon,â you answer quietly. âI can't box my personality in that fuckass company all the time. What does The Herald think it is, Jesus? A god?â
Sunghoon notices the change in your speech. You were no longer the voice behind the mic, all careful cadence and clean transitions. Your words came messier and more human. Like you weren't trying to frame a quote, just trying to be honest.
âI⊠didn't take you for the cursing type,â he trails off.
âSorry,â you chuckle awkwardly. âI might've let myself a little loose for a moment there. It's just thatââ
âNo, that's fine,â he shakes his head, still trying to wrap his head around your off-duty persona. âAfter all, no person in their right mind won't rant about work here and there. It's part of the adult experience.â
âThe adult experience,â you echo. âSounds like something you'd read off of a porn site.â
âSays an adult herself,â he stifles a giggle. âAnyway, since Iâve introduced myself, it's your turn now.â
You look up at him in surprise. âA-Am I supposed toâŠâ
âI mean, you might as well,â he shrugs. âI want to get to know you.â
You take his statement as him being friendly, no hint of malice or mischief whatsoever. The way he's been talking to you like a long lost, old friend from high school checks it out.Â
So you sigh, left with no choice but to acquaint yourself with him.Â
âY/N, L/N. Reporter for three years. The Herald. I write shit about people I don't know for a living,â you say in a joking monotone.Â
Sunghoon clicks his tongue, not satisfied with your answer. âI mean, what do you like to do? What makes you happy? If photography keeps Park Sunghoon alive, what about Y/N? What keeps you alive?â
âDamnâŠâ you mutter, taken aback by the sudden ricochet of questions from him. âYou really do want to get to know me, huh?â
âI do.â
âHmm,â you shrug, setting your bag on your lap to show him the stuff clasped on its strap. âI like collecting trinkets. See, my bag is like a glorified junk drawer. It jangles when I walkâso loud that I get judging stares from the older folks.â
Sunghoon takes a glance at the trinket bunch on your bagâa flower claw clip, an Eiffel Tower Keychain, a beaded bracelet, a shark plush, another flower keychain, and a Smiski doing a yoga pose in a small pouch. The colors clashed against each other, but it was an interesting combination of textures and colors.
âAm I weirding you out now, Sunghoon?â you ask as his face contorts in a confused expression.
âNot at all,â his face relaxes. âIâm offended that you're calling this weird.âÂ
âThanks,â you mutter shyly, feeling a tinge of warmth creep up your cheeks. âI also like to paint on the side, if that's interesting enough.â
âReally?â he chuckles, face lighting up. âYou paint?â
âI do!â you nod, mirroring his face. âI recognized the Monet painting in your living room. You've got a keen eye, huh?â
And over drinks, you proceed to go back and forth about the impressionist movement, museums, and art galleries. Art became the common ground for two people at different points of the social class spectrumâSunghoon at the far end, and you trailing behind him, although sluggishly.
He had a bigger, brighter smile than the day you first sat down across him. His face radiated with delight and warmth as you talked about your painting hobby and how it kept you grounded when the pace of being a journalist was too fast to keep up with.
And you⊠were magnetic. Sunghoon didn't realize how pretty you were yourself. You became completely different from his first impression of you as a reporterâalways hungry for answers even if it cost someone's peace of mind. You were just yourself at the moment. You earnestly listened to him, responded to his words with the same amount of enthusiasm he had.
âOh, I, uhâŠâ he trails off, fidgeting with your shark plush that you lent him. âAbout the thingâŠâ
Oh. You realize the main reason for meeting Sunghoon in the first place as he whips out a Leica Q2 from his bag, the photographing people thing.
He swallows a painful lump in his throat, trying to recall his past as painlessly as he can. âI used to photograph people. Constantly. I loved it.â
âBut?â
He smiles faintly, bitter. âThey donât stay.â
You didnât ask who. He didnât say.
Instead, you let the silence stretchânot as an interview tactic, but as an offering.
And then, more softly:
âThere was someone,â he admits. âSomeone I photographed every day. She said I made her feel seen. And I believed that. But after she passed away... I couldnât look at anyone else without seeing her face in their place.â
You sip your drink to buy time. The words shouldnât have caught the way they didâbut they did.
There was someone. Of course there was.
You weren't sure what stung moreâthe past tense, or the fact that his voice softened when he said it. Like the memory still lived somewhere behind his ribs.
âAnd after she passed away?â you ask, quieter than before.Â
He doesn't spare you a glance, just staring down at his hands.
âI stopped seeing people the same way. I tried, but... everyone felt like a replacement,â he heaves a heavy sigh. âI stopped photographing them. It felt dishonest.â
You nod, though something curls tight in your chest. Not because you wanted to be that someoneânot exactly. But because part of you envied whoever it was heâd let in that deeply.
He didnât let anyone in now. Except maybeâjust maybeâyou, for this one quiet afternoon.
âShe mustâve mattered,â you say, eyes fixed on the rim of your cup.
âShe did.â
You wanted to ask what happened. Wanted to ask how long it took to forget the sound of someoneâs laugh, or how you teach your hands to stop reaching for something that isnât there.
But it wouldâve been selfish. This wasnât your story.
Still, when he finally looks up and meets your eyes, something softens in you.
âYou donât talk about her often, do you?â
âNever.â
And in that moment, you realized it wasnât just a professional victoryâthat he trusted you. It was personal. And you weren't ready for how much that meant. Your chest aches.
âYou didn't have to explain yourself to me,â you say quietly.
âI know,â he said. âThatâs why I did.â
This time, you didnât write it down.
And this time, he didnât look like he regretted saying it.
âAnd if you're wondering,â he follows. âI don't mourn her anymore. She's in spirit, probably begging me to mingle, but right now, I don't want to.â
âShe sounds persistent,â you say, a quiet smile tugging at the corner of your mouth.
âShe was.â
He says it with a softness you haven't heard beforeânot grief, not nostalgia. Just warmth.
You nod, then take a sip of your drink, just for something to do. The silence that follows isnât awkward. Itâs careful.
âBeing alone is easier, sometimes,â you say after a beat. âLess complicated. Quieter.â
âYou say that like you know.â
Heâs watching you now. Not pressingâjust observing, the way he probably watches light move through a window.
You shrug, âI work with a lot of people for a living. Doesn't mean I talk to many of them.â
He huffs a soft laugh, almost surprised. âI get that.â
You both sit in it, that shared understandingâthe strange ache of people who know how to listen but not always how to let themselves be known.
âYouâre not what I expected,â he says.
âYouâre exactly what I expected,â you reply. âJust... quieter.â
He smiles at that. Really smiles.
Itâs not a confession. Itâs not a beginning. But it is somethingâan agreement, maybe. That this, whatever it is, doesnât have to go anywhere loud to be real.
You and Sunghoon become each otherâs confidants.
He would leave his inbox open for you to spew out all your frustration after a tiring work day, and he would respond to your messages at his earliest convenience. He found your off-duty register amusingâhe would read some of your articles at The Heraldâs site and think: am I talking to the same person?Â
He started to discover parts of you through these off-the-record interactionsâyour coffee orders, your typing quirks, the way you nag your mother on the phone the same way she nags you, your favorite emoji, your favorite pair of eyeglasses, and so much more.
It felt like he was going on a road trip in an unfamiliar street.
Sunghoon would send you random photos of scenery and nature that he thought were picture-worthy, and you realized how one of a kind his mind wasâbecause it can see beauty and wonder even in the most mundane of things.
Sometimes you wonder how it feels to be beautiful in the eyes of a person.
Along those pictures came recommendations of cozy spots tucked in the quiet corners of the city, where he finds solace in the most hectic moments of his career. He silently hopes youâd find them comforting as much as he did.
You both grew closer as the months passed, and all it took were simple texts and calls that whispered âI thought of you todayââno high-maintenance stuff for two busy people just wanting a platonic connection.
It starts getting better from there⊠until Giselle comes back from her week-long vacation with an evident suntan, an extra ton of attitude, and a haughty smile that annoys you to the core.
You think back to the documentary segment, to everything The Herald has told you to pry off of Sunghoon.Â
You think about Sunghoon.
âOld man called me the moment the clock struck 9,â Giselle raises a brow at you, referring to the segment producer. âTold me to check on you once I got here. Are you good yet? Or did that interview with Park Sunghoon fuck you up so bad it left you feeling depressed?â
You back away slightly, subtly, feeling offended by her comment towards your newfound friend. Does everybody in The Herald really see Park Sunghoon as some sort of unsociable psychopath except you?
You chuckle, masking your annoyance. âInterview went well. He had interesting things to share.â
âYou don't mean that, don't you?â she squints, then gasps. âWait, did you finally find out why he bought that picture back?â
I skipped that question altogether. âHe⊠didn't really feel comfortable talking about it, so I tried to steer it into a different direction. Good promo, right?â you say sarcastically.
âYeah, right⊠Good promo,â your editor nods awkwardly, noticing the lack of enthusiasm in your tone. âAnyway, what happened to you?â
Sunghoon happened. âNothing much, whyâd you ask?â
âI just feel like you'reâYou know what, never mind,â she stands up with a huff, not bothering to look at your direction as she bumps into your shoulder. âIâll talk to the producer myself.â
And do what? Beg for some screen time? You chuckle softly as she disappears from your sight, shaking your head as you head back to your cubicle.
You still hadn't written the script for Sunghoon's segment.
The interview with him was weeks ago. The ârealâ one, at least. The one with clipped questions and clean answers. The one where his voice stayed measured and the recorder blinked red between the two of you.
The segment producer asked for it yesterday.
âYou have the material. Use it.ââThe man doesnât talk to anyone. That silence sells.â
âI donât mourn her anymore.ââSheâs in spirit, probably begging me to mingle⊠but I donât want to.â
It echoed in every new moment you shared. Every time he texted first. Every time you sat side-by-side in public but alone, and he let you speak more than he ever had with anyone else.
And in the middle of those momentsâquiet, domestic, ordinaryâsomething awful would flicker through you:
You could ruin this.
Just before you can bang your head against your desk, your phone vibrates. Who could it be this time?Â
You flip over your phone to see Sunghoonâs name on the caller ID, and without knowing it, the frown you didn't know you've been sporting relaxes.Â
You pick up the call without much thought. âHey, Iâm still at work,â you preface in case he plans to drag on the conversation for longer. âWhat's up?â
âHey, you wanna go to the art gallery I told you about next week?â he says, and you swear you can hear a smile in his voice. âI have a friend from Japan whoâs had some of his paintings brought here. He's taking them out of his home country for the first time.â
âWow, that's interesting,â you beam quietly in the sea of keyboard clicks and printer whirs. âOf course you have friends out of the countryâŠâ
âIâll take that as a yes?â he mischievously asks, and a giggle follows.
âYou need to slow down with taking words right out of my mouth, Sunghoon,â you jokingly scold. âBut, yeah, Iâm in.â
âCool. Iâll text you the details in a bit,â he replies.
Meanwhile, Sunghoon stands in that same gallery, admiring a piece of installation art that was tucked away in a space he personally found underrated. Somewhere people don't go often because they've taken too many steps to continue, or because they don't care for something that isn't a framed painting.
âYou're smiling awfully wide today.âÂ
A voice echoes in the installation art hallway, breaking Sunghoon's train of thought. He didn't even know he was smiling that wide.Â
He turns around to see the gallery's art curator, Jongseong. The latter had been walking around for a quick inventory check when he spotted the musing photographer standing for a little too long in the same spot.
âSunghoon.â
A pause.
âHuh?â Sunghoon looks up, phone still in hand.
âWhoâs on the phone?â
âNo one.â he shrugs, way too fast. âJustânothing.â
ââNothing?ââ Jongseong raises a brow. âDidnât expect you to take that âfind beauty in the mundaneâ thing so seriously.â
Sunghoon rolls his eyes. âHey, sheâs not mundaneââ He freezes. Realizes. âI mean, itâs not like that.â
âShe, huh?â Jongseong folds his arms, grinning now. âHey⊠you moved on?â
Sunghoon shrugs again, trying to play it off. âDude, Jiwon was seven years ago.â
âSo does this mean youâreâŠâ Jongseong waves his hands, a vague gesture. âYou know. Emotionally available now?â
âNo,â Sunghoon says flatly. âSheâs just a good friend.â
âRight.â Jongseong nods, slow and dramatic. âOf course. A friend who makes you stare at your phone like itâs about to fall in love with you.â
Sunghoon gives him a warning look. âDonât start.â
âWhoa, chill,â Jongseong raises his hands up in defeat. âYou seem so protective over this friend of yours.â
âShe's stopping by next week to see Nishimura Rikiâs pieces,â Sunghoon jams his hands in his pockets. âI invited her.â
âWell, shit.â Jongseongâs eyes widen dramatically, then he laughs. âYou better not let her see you brooding in the dark like some tortured genius.â
âWow. So now Iâm the embarrassment?â
âNo, no. I just donât want to have to apologize for your awkward silences,â Jongseong briefly taps on Sunghoonâs shoulder. âIâll light a candle for your social skills.â
Jongseong saunters away from Sunghoon, giving the latter a knowing look as he whistles a whimsical tune.Â
âYou little bitch,â Sunghoon curses rather affectionately.
âFuck you.â Jongseong flips him off with the same energy and disappears from view.
Sunghoon sighs, peeking at his phone to look at his lousy portrait attempt for the first time in a long time.
Maybe he should do this more often.
âSunghoon hyung!â Riki gleefully greets Sunghoon with a quick dab and a handshake. âIâm finally home!â
âIdiot, this isn't even your home country,â Sunghoon chuckles, gaze going over the newly catalogued art pieces hanging on a once empty wall. âYou're onto something, huh.â
âEy, it's not that much,â the younger shrugs. âJust doing what I can for the art community here.â
âYou're so out-of-pocket sometimes, it makes me want to bang my head on the wall,â Sunghoon jokes. âAnyway, you sure you aren't staying here for long?â
âI wish I could, but my flight leaves tomorrow,â Riki mutters. âBut it's really nice to see you after a long time, hyung.â
âDude, you got taller,â Sunghoon eyes him up and down. âWhy are you already towering over meââ
âSunghoon!â
You spot him before he sees you. His back is half-turned, his shoulders relaxed in that way he always carried them when he wasnât around anyone who needed something from him.
When he turns, when his gaze lands on you, you sees it happen in real time:
That flicker. That pause. The way his eyes drag over you, slower than usual. Not just lookingâregistering.
And for a second, you panic. Was this too much?
You hadnât planned on making a scene. You just didnât want to look like someone whoâd stumbled off a newsroom floor and into a gallery. Youâd picked the outfit slowly, quietlyânothing flashy, just deliberate. Something cleaner. Softer. Something that wouldnât stand out, but wouldnât shrink, either.Â
You wanted him to see you, not just as a reporter, or a visitor.Â
As someone who chose to be here.
And judging by the way heâs staringâhead slightly tilted, hands now stuffed in his pockets like he doesnât know what else to do with themâit worked. God, you think. Heâs rattled.
You grin. âYou gonna keep staring or are you gonna say hi?â
You watch him approach, slow and steady. Not rushed. Not awkward. Just⊠different.
Before, there was always a tension in the way he walked toward people, like he was bracing for them to get too close, too fast. Like his body was used to holding space between him and the world.
But now? Thereâs something softer in the way he moves, like he isnât guarding the door anymore.Â
His gaze lingers, longer than it wouldâve weeks ago. It doesnât dart away like it used to.
It lands. Stays.
And something about thatâabout being looked at like you're not interrupting something, but returning to itâmakes your chest tighten, just a little. Heâs different. Or maybe not differentâjust⊠less hidden.
You don't know what to do with that. So you smile.
âYou clean up weird,â he says, a bit too quickly, like he needs to cover up the look he just gave you.
You laugh, brushing your coat back. âIs that your version of a compliment now?â
âYou usually show up in three kinds of denim.â
âYeah, well, you shrug. âDidnât want to embarrass you in your natural habitat.â
He doesnât laughâbut he almost does. And that almost feels like enough.
âOh, I, uhâŠâ Sunghoon trails off, looking around awkwardly. âRikiâs already left.â
âAww, bummer,â your shoulders slump. âBut hey, I didn't know there was a gallery hiding in this part of the city.â
âFor someone who says she's an art enthusiast,â he replies with a glance your way. âyou miss out on a lot.â
âOuch,â you feign offense, a hand clutching your chest.Â
Then you realizeâyou couldn't remember the last time you've unwound and veered your head off of the newsroom. âBut you're not wrong. Iâll give you that.â
He senses the genuinity in your tone, and it subtly tugs his heartstrings. Through his peripheral vision, he spots you, your eyes thoughtfully scanning âBisco,â a newly acquired oil on canvas painting of a Shih Tzu puppy by Nishimura Riki.Â
âYou wanna tell me all about it as we go?â Sunghoon suggests. âOr do you want to linger for a while?â
âNo, let's keep walking,â you say firmly. âI want to see what this gallery has to offer.â
Amused, Sunghoon chuckles. The sound echoes faintly down the new acquisitions hallway, bouncing off the white walls in a way that makes it feel louder than it is.
The sound makes your heart flutter.
There arenât many people here, just a quiet couple near the exit and a lone visitor hunched over a sketchpad. The hush between footsteps gives the space a kind of closeness, like the galleryâs pressing pause just for the two of you.
Itâs not empty, but it feels like it could be. And somehow, that makes the moment yours.
âThe newsroom is a cruel place, you know,â you break the silence, following behind him with slow and steady steps. âJournalism is the guardian of truth, but because something new happens every single dayâŠâ
You stop in your tracks to glance at a bust sculpture that caught your attention. âIt's fast-paced. It doesn't give you enough time to breathe. Or enough space to think about the more personal things.â
He nods. He doesn't say a wordâhe only listens.Â
âIâve always been out there,â you continue. âTalking to people, getting caught up on social issues, writing stories people probably would scroll pastâif you think about it, it's a multitude of things and nothing at the same time, Sunghoon.â
He hums, eyes on a historical portrait of a young man. His ears, however, are focused on you.
âI love my job but it doesn't seem to love me back.â
âIt pays for the life you want, though, right?â
âCan you not clock me?â you roll your eyes jokingly at him. âIâm trying to relax here.â
âIs the newsroom that hectic that even the smallest inconveniences tick you off?â Sunghoon asks it softly, almost amused, but thereâs something else behind the question, something real. Curiosity, maybe. Or concern.
You open your mouth to fire back something witty, but don't. Not this time.
And thatâs when it hits you.
You realize it somewhere between his question and his quiet patience. The way he listens nowâitâs not like before. Thereâs no suspicion, no guarded silence waiting to catch her slip. Just Sunghoon, asking, waiting, wanting to know.
And you're the one answering this time. Not because a recorderâs rolling, not for anyone elseâs storyâjust for him.
The roles had quietly flipped.
The photographer now observed with his ears, not his lens. And the reporter? For once, she didnât mind being seen.
You turn to say somethingâmaybe to deflect, maybe to thank himâbut heâs already watching you. Really watching. Not like a subject, not like a study. Like heâs trying to memorize you.
Your knees brush. Neither of you move.
Sunghoon leans forward, resting one arm on the bench between you. His fingers tap once against the woodâthen stop. And then, without looking down, he lets his hand rest there. Open. Barely angled toward yours.
A quiet invitation.
You don't stop to think. You just mirror the gesture. Not quite touching, but close enough to feel the possibility of it. Your hands sit there, unmoving, almost grazing, like two secrets left just barely out in the open.
And when you finally speak again, your voice is softer. âI think Iâve just forgotten how to slow down.â
He doesnât reply, but his thumb shiftsâonly slightlyâtoward your hand. It doesnât meet yours. But it lingers.
A glance passes between you. Not long. But full.
If anyone saw you right now, it would look like nothing. But to you, it felt like standing on the edge of something you might never be able to name.
And then your phone buzzes. Once. Then again. You don't check it. But you don't ignore it either. Your eyes flick downward for just a second, just enough for him to notice.
Sunghoon leans back. Not abruptly. Not offended. Just gently pulling the moment back into safer ground.
âEverything good?â His voice is soft, not accusatory.
âYeah, justâŠâ you trail off, eyes glued to the lit phone screen on your lap.
And just like that, you feel the ache of it. How easily closeness can slip through your fingers when youâre not ready to hold it.
You glance at your phone, screen still lighting up in your lap. Something in your gut twistsâan instinct, maybe. Or guilt.
Youâll open it later.
But some part of you already knows: you're not going to answer his next text.
Sunghoon is dumbfounded.
He checks his phone more often than he means toânever obsessively, just in passing. While the kettle boils. While exporting film. While closing a tab.
Nothing from you.
At first, he tells himself you're just busy, that maybe you're decompressing, that maybe the quiet between them is comfortableâearned.
But then a week passes. Then ten days. No replies. No calls. No âSorry, swamped,â or âCatch up soon?â. Just a trail of blue ticks and time.
He scrolls up through your last thread and sees the half-drafted message he never sent:Â âLet me know if you got home safe.â
He never hit send.
You never reached out.
He sighs and locks the screen. Leaves the phone facedown on the desk.
Around him, everything is stillâthe kind that doesnât feel peaceful anymore. Just⊠missing.
The bench in the gallery is empty now. He went back the next day, sat there longer than he needed to, hoping maybe youâd come back. Wondering if heâd said too much. Or not enough.
He hasnât touched the piece he wanted to show you.
The one he saved. The one you almost reached for.
Instead, he picks up his camera, lifts it, and stops.
The viewfinder feels colder than it used to.
You stare at the text message on your screen, sent three days ago.
[ Sunghoon: Let me know if youâre okay. ]
You don't open it, but you've read it a dozen times through the preview bar. You press your thumb to the side of your phone, lock it, and then unlock it again.
You sit in the dark, still in yesterdayâs clothes, the apartment too quiet to feel lived in. While outside, the city keeps moving, inside, you don't.
You donât get to want someone like that, you think. Not when you walked away. Not when you made yourself disappear.
You exhale shakily. You want to text him back, to say something. Anything. But all you can do is put your phone face down and pretend this isnât exactly what you're doing.
âYou have to be fucking kidding me,â Sunghoon blurts out the moment he realizes where the Google maps pin led him and Jongseong to.
âYou're welcome,â Jongseong shrugs. âThere's no turning back now.â
âYou say that as if I owe you this night out or something,â Sunghoon turns off his carâs engine, voice laced with disinterest. He grumbles. âOut of all places, JongâŠâ
âOh, trust me, partner, you do,â Jongseong says as he steps out of the car. âYou believe in finding beauty in the most mundane, don't you?â
âYou did not just use my own words against me, Park Jongseong.â
âFuck, yeah, I did,â Jongseong shrugs coolly then pulls the driver's seat open. âNow get out of there and step out into the world!â
Sunghoonâs not supposed to be here.
He hates bars. Too loud. Too crowded. Too much conversation without meaning. But Jongseong dragged him out, insisted on fresh air, on not sulking like some ghost in a coat.
So he goes. Stands at the edge. Arms crossed. Already counting the minutes until he can leave.
He doesn't blend in with the crowdâhe watches. On one side, there's an old man who's on his fifth mug of beer. And on the other, a couple arguing over something probably trivial. There was all kinds of chaos in this place.
His phone buzzes, but he doesn't look at it right away. It was probably another gallery announcement, another âclientâ requesting to be photographed, or memes from Jongseong he probably doesn't understand.
But something about the preview line makes him stop in his tracks: âThe Silence in the Frame: The Photographer Who Wonât Photograph People.â
His thumb hovers over the notification for a few seconds, then opens it.
Itâs his episodeâthe one that aired a few days ago. The article that ties into the documentary. The one you interviewed him for.
He skims at first. Then he slows.
He opens it and starts reading. The intro is what he expectsâhis name, his most recent award, a quote from an old review. His photo sits at the topâblack-and-white, stark. One he didnât approve, but doesnât care to dispute.
He scrolls.
They cover the basics: His history. His refusal to photograph people. His technical skill. The acclaim.
Itâs⊠fine. Well-written. Cold. Too cold.
None of the things he told you are there. No mention of Jiwon. No explanation for his distance. No segue about the photo he bought back after auctioning it off. No hint of the night you almost held his hand like you meant to stay.
At first, his chest loosens. She kept it out. She honored the off-the-record.
And then, he spirals. Or maybe I wasnât worth the space. Maybe it just didnât matter. Maybe I read too much into everything. Maybe she forgot the moment I stopped being her job.
He sits on a stool in front of the bar counter, somewhere far off where he won't catch unwanted attention, phone still glowing in his hand.
His heart crawls up to his throat. He doesnât know what heâs feelingârelief? shame? some bitter version of both?
He rereads the quote you did include. It was clean. Careful. Respectful. And your byline with a headshot of you beside it.
It reads like she never met me at all. He swipes out of the article.Â
And thatâs when it hits. If she didnât use what I told her, then why leave?
He stands, but just when he's about to turn his back on this place, he spots a familiar figure from a distance.
He sees you.
Back turned, head low, drink half-melted in your hand.
You're not dressed to impress. No heels, no makeup, no armor. Just a cardigan and a glazed look in her eyes like sheâs staring through the glass.
He freezes. No call. No reply. Not a word in three weeks. And here she is. At a bar. Like she hadnât broken me a little.
He almost doesnât believe it. Thinks maybe heâs made her up again.
Until you shiftâlean back slightly, and your eyes catch on the mirror behind the bar.
You see him.
Everything stops. You don't flinch or smile, just blinks like halfway through a dream theyâre not ready to wake up from.
He isnât searching the crowd. He isnât moving. Heâs just thereâfrozen, eyes already locked on her. Itâs not anger on his face, not relief, either. Itâs that look you wear when youâve imagined this moment so many times, youâre not sure if itâs real anymore.
You straighten in your seat before you can stop yourself.
His hairâs a little messier than usual. Heâs paler, somehow. And whatever softness had started to return to his face the last time you saw himâitâs gone. Thereâs something hollow in him now. Like he started laughing again for a while⊠and then stopped.
He doesnât know what to do. Walk away? Say your name? Ask why you disappeared when he was still mid-sentence?
He walks toward you slowly. Not dramatic. Not purposeful. Just unsure. And you watch him like you're afraid heâll disappear again.Â
When he reaches you, he doesnât sit. He just looks at you for a second, takes in your hunched shoulders, the faint smudge under her eyes, the drink in her hand, too full to be your first.
âI saw the article.â His voice is quiet. No greeting. No accusation.
You blink, tightening your grip on the glass.
âYou left it all out.â A beat. âEverything that mattered.â
You don't respond, not because you don't have wordsâbecause you have too many.
Sunghoon glances down at the seat across from you. âCan I sit?â
You nod reluctantly.
He slides in, arms stiff at his sides. He used to relax around you. Now his shoulders are pulled back, like heâs bracing for a storm.
âYou really disappeared.â Another quiet observation. No edge to it.
âI know.â
He finally looks you in the eye, and you hate how much you see in his faceâthat he missed you, that it hurts, that he hasnât figured out if heâs allowed to be angry yet.
âWhy?â Just that. A single word. And it sounds like itâs taken days to get out.
Your chest aches. You look at himâreally lookâand see it: The lightness you brought out of him? Itâs dimmed. He hasnât gone back to who he was before her, but heâs not the man you left either, and that hurts more than anything.
You swallow hard. You werenât supposed to miss me, Sunghoon. I wasnât supposed to become something youâd notice missing.
You watch him for a moment, searching his face, testing how much truth he can take.
âThey laid me off,â you croak out.
Sunghoonâs jaw slightly slacks. You drop those words like they don't matter. But they do.
He doesn't say anything right away, fingers tightening ever so slightly around the edge of the bar counter. Not because he was surprised.
Because suddenly, everything makes sense. The silence. The way you wouldnât look him in the eye that night. The way your voice cracked when you said you needed to slow down.
ââŠWhen?â he asks, barely above a whisper.
âRight after the documentary aired.â A faint laugh slips from your throat. âKind of poetic, isnât it?â
You don't say I got fired for protecting you, or I lost everything because I wanted to keep something of ours untouched. But itâs there. Unspoken. Heavy.
Sunghoonâs jaw clenches once. Not at you. Not even at your company. Just at the sheer unfairness of it all. He wanted answers. Closure. But now that he has it, he just wants to go back. Back to the gallery bench. The almost-handhold. The part where you were still there.
He leans forward, voice steady, but softer now. âWhy didnât you say anything?â
You swallow. âBecause I didnât want you to feel sorry for me.â A pause. âBecause I thought I could handle it.â Another pause. ââŠBecause I didnât mean to fall for you, and when I realized I had, it scared the hell out of me.â
That last part slips out before you can stop it.
The silence after it is thunderous.
âYou asshole, why didn't you follow me inside?! I just had the best malt beer of my lifeâohâŠâ
Jongseong blinks rapidly, trying to make out the sight in front of him. He switches his gaze between Sunghoon, dumbstruck and unable to speak, and you, looking at him as if waiting for him to say something.
âIâll justâŠâ Jongseong backs away slowly, trying to balance the beer bottle he's holding with his hands, âleave you guys alone.â
You wait for Jongseong to disappear from his view before saying, âI didnât mean for it to go this farâŠâ
You say it like itâs an apologyâlike you're admitting to a crime you didnât know you were committing.
Sunghoon stares at you, unmoving. Not cold. Just stunned. Like heâs suddenly holding something fragile and doesnât know where to put it. She wasnât supposed to say that. Not yet. Not out loud.
You swallow and look down at your drink, like maybe if you stare hard enough, you can disappear into it. âYou were just supposed to be a story.â A soft breath. âBut then you werenât.â
You shrink into the quiet that follows, expecting him to fill it with silence. Or worseânothing. But he doesnât.
He leans back, exhales through his nose like heâs just been punched gently in the gut.
Then, quietly: âYeah.â A faint laugh, almost bitter. âYou werenât supposed to be anything either.â
You look up. And for a moment, there it is again. That softness. The one he lost when you left. The one you remember feeling too close to.
He doesnât say he forgives her. He doesnât say heâs still hurting. He doesnât say he missed her. But heâs here. He showed up.
And you realizeâmaybe it went this far because it was never meant to stop halfway.
Your lips part like youâre about to laughâbut it catches. Warps. Cracks. You shake your head, voice trembling:
âGod, IâI didnât even know how to tell you.â
He doesnât move. Just watches her.
âI got fired and I panicked. I couldnât breathe, I couldnât think straight, and all I could hear in my head was how stupid it was to get that close to you in the first placeââ
Your voice breaks. Hard. âYou trusted me, and IâI protected you, but I still disappeared. And it wasnât fair, and I know it wasnât fairââ
Now the tears come. Not one. Not graceful. It hits you like a wave youâd been keeping back with both hands.
You press your palm to your mouth like you can force it all back in, but itâs too late.
The silence of the bar swells around them like a shield. Sunghoonâs heart clenches. This is what he feared and needed all at onceâto finally understand. To see the weight of everything you tried to carry alone.
He slides his chair backânot loudly, just enoughâand reaches across the table. His hand covers yours.
âYou shouldâve told me, Y/N.â Thatâs all he says. No anger, no blame. Just this quiet, aching truth.
You lift your eyes to himâwet, ashamed, searching. âI thought youâd hate me.â
He exhales, shaking his head just once. âI couldnât.â His voice is low, steady. âNot when I knew you didnât even hate yourself enough to stay.â
That hits you harder than anything, because heâs right. You didnât leave because you didnât care. You left because you cared too much and didnât know how to be wanted that way.
For a moment, you just look at each otherâruined and real.
Then very carefully, Sunghoon stands, moves around to your side of the booth. And when he sits, you lean into him without needing to ask.
He lets you cry. No big gestureâjust an arm around her shoulder, a steady presence, a quiet breath shared between two people who are tired of pretending it didnât matter.
You lean into him, and he lets you.
Your face is still wet, chest tight with everything you just saidâeverything you thought you'd never be brave enough to admit.
Heâs warm beside you. solid, not saying anything, just letting you exist, letting you feel.
His arm around her shifts slightly, hand brushing your shoulder, then curling gently around the back of your neck.
You're still trembling. Not from crying now, but from everything thatâs still unsaid. You slowly turn your head, eyes searching his face.
He looks at youâreally looksâand takes in the tears, the vulnerability, the need flickering behind her defenses.
And he leans in, just a little. Just enough to test the space between you.
A silent question.
You kiss him first.
Itâs not hesitant, just tender, like youâve been holding the feeling in your chest for too long and didnât know how else to say: Iâm here. Still. If youâll let me be.
And for a second, Sunghoon forgets how to move. Because something breaks open in himânot with pain, but with a kind of softness he thought heâd buried with the rest of the past.
You pull back just a little, startled by his stillness. âSorryââ
But he stops you with a hand at your cheek. Not rough. Not rushed. Just a slow inhale, a flicker of disbelief in his voice.Â
âI didnât think Iâd ever feel this again.â
You freeze. His thumb brushes beneath her eye, wiping away the last streak of dried salt.
âI thought Iâd already given everything I had to give.â A quiet breath. âAnd then you showed up.â
You're still trembling, just barely, but now itâs not from grief. Itâs from the weight of what you hear in his voice:
Hope. Real, raw hope.
He leans in. Presses his forehead to hers. Youâre not a replacement, he thinks. Youâre not the next chapter. Youâre the one who reminded me I could write again.
This time, he kisses you, and itâs different now. Itâs not the kiss of someone drowningâitâs the kiss of someone whoâs finally chosen to breathe.
His hand slips to your waist. Yours curls into the fabric of his coat.
Neither of you speaks, because some things donât need narration. Some things are feltâthrough a single moment of closeness, of surrender, of letting go.
His hand tightens slightly at the back of your neck, pulling her in like heâs afraid you might disappear again. And you kiss him back like you're sorry for ever trying to.
You donât say anything when you part. Your foreheads press together, breath mingling, hearts crashing into each other in silence.
And for the first time in weeks, neither of you feels like you're falling alone.
âYou have no idea how much I wanted to stop you from running off that nightââ Sunghoon says under his breath, pulling you into another kiss. âHow much I wanted you to stay with me for a little longer because for once, I felt warmth in someoneâs company.â
You couldn't protest or make a remark as his lips mindlessly kissing yours tell you every word he held himself back from saying. He wasn't even drunkânot a single drop of alcohol was in his throat, but his lips crash into yours like his life depended on it.
Again and again. Like it was a known habit he'd developed overnight.
âBut I couldn't say a word, and that's where I fucked up. Real bad,â he lets out a pained chuckle. âI thought I was doing something right.â
âThen I guess that makes the two of us,â you mutter against his lips. âSunghoonâŠâ
âHmm?â
You swallow hard, the words in your head lingering over your lips. You let a few seconds pass before asking,
âWhat does this make us now?â
He looks at you, not startledâjust thoughtful. Cautious, even. His hand doesnât leave yours.
A beat. Two. Then, with a quiet exhale: âI donât know.â A pause. âBut I donât want it to end here.â
He looks down, then back at you. âI want to figure it out.â
Thatâs it. Simple. No frills. But you feel it in your chest like a held breath finally released.
And when he adds softly, âIf youâll let me.â
There's no question left at all.
Then, softlyâwithout trying to be clever, without even fully realizing how much itâll ruin you, he says, âYou look better than you did in my viewfinder.â
Your heart stutters. Itâs stupid. Itâs sweet. Itâs so him.
And suddenly youâre smiling and crying and kissing him again, because of course the boy who swore off people found a way to say I love you in the only language heâs ever trusted.
***
Sunghoon is a quiet lover, but an intense one.
He doesn't like to admit it to himself, but even the slightest brush of your hand against his makes his mind go haywire. Or when your eyes meet his in a quiet glance.Â
He didn't need flowery words or grand gestures to tell you how he adored you. The fact that he was just there beside youâsmiling like an idiot while pointing his camera at youâsaid enough.
You didn't know you could turn him from into this love-filled vessel of a man.
You had the privilege to dive even deeper into his personality. You learned how to cook his favorite comfort meal, tagged along to random spots he finds picturesque, and shared sweet kisses with him because it brought out his dimples (he had dimples?!).
In your months of frustration with job seeking, he was there to keep you grounded, even if it meant carrying you to places like Busan or Gangwon to photograph the landscapes like his trusty camera backpack. He wanted to make sure you didn't dwell too much into The Herald laying you offâwhich he's still mad about.
He offered you a spot in the art gallery with Jongseongâs help, and who were you to say no? You were more than ready to leave the journalist life behind and start anew, with two things you loved dearly by your sideâart and Sunghoon.
You sigh softly. âBut what if theyâ
âYou will get it,â he says firmly, arms crossed and eyebrows knit together in determination.Â
Your eyes widen, realizing what he probably meant. âSunghoon, did youââ
âIt's âbabyâ for you, and no, I didn't conspire with Jongseong,â he cuts you off. âHe's not in today. Plus, I know youâll do well without my help.â
You coo at him in endearment, pulling him in a quick hug. âThank you, Sungâbaby.â
You realize you need to get used to calling him âbabyâ more often from now on.
Sunghoon roams all over the gallery to kill time, feet tapping the ground in half impatience, half anticipation. He really wanted to see you thrive this time.
And as if on cue, the office door opens. He whips his head to see you with an unreadable expressionâshoulders slightly stiff, lips pulled into a soft curve that could mean anything. For a second, he canât tell if youâre holding back a smile or a sigh.
âHey, how was it?â he asks softly.
You look up at him, that half-smile trembling just enough to give you away, and say, âI got it.â
It lands gently, like a falling leaf. But he hears it like thunder. You blink quickly, as if still trying to process it yourself.
âThey offered me the position.â You let out a breathless laugh. âIâm an art curator now!â
He doesnât say anything for a second. He just takes a step closer, eyes locked on yoursâsearching, making sure youâre really okay. That youâre not putting on a brave face.
And when you nodâwhen your smile shifts from hesitant to realâhe lets it show. That quiet intensity in him blooming into something warm. The corners of his mouth lift, barely. His eyes soften.
âOf course you did,â he murmurs.
You grin wider, and before you can even finish your next breath, he pulls you into a hugâarms wrapped tight, the kind that says I knew you could. I never doubted it.
The kind that says thisâusâmakes sense here, too.
âWanna crash in?â he immediately offers as he pulls away. âThere's wine at home. And, uh⊠a leftover charcuterie board from yesterday, if that helps.â
You giggle, the sound slipping out before you can stop it. âReally? A leftover charcuterie board?â
He scratches his neck sheepishly. âYou know I can't cookâŠâ
âJust kidding,â you peck his pout. âDuh! You know Iâd eat tteokbokki on the street with you.â
He laughs heartily, takes his hand in yours as he guides you out of the art gallery, the lights soft behind youâlike the start of something real and full of light.
His house is cozier, warmer than you remembered it.
There was still the greenery surrounding his lot, the paintings on the walls of his living room, and the sculptures in his kitchen. But compared to when you first stepped inâyou as a journalist, and him as your intervieweeâthe welcome felt more like a firm embrace rather than a simple invitation.
You share a bottle of Pinot Noir and a quarter-eaten charcuterie board, either flustering each other with a sudden compliment, or sharing minutes of silence just staring at each otherâno thoughts, head empty.
He discards his blazer and throws it to the side, the heat brought by the wine starting to get to him. You watch the way his fingers flick open the buttons, slow and unhurried, like heâs done this a thousand times. But tonight, it feels different. More intentional. More seen.
Underneath, heâs wearing a simple white tank top, but thereâs nothing simple about how he looks in it.
The fabric clings just enough to suggest shapeâthe dip of his collarbone, the slope of his shoulders, the lean lines of his torso. You see it all in pieces: the way the muscle flexes subtly when he stretches his arm to set his glass down, the faint sheen of warmth on his neck, the way his skin peeks out just slightly beneath the hem.
You swallow. Youâve always known he was beautifulâquietly, effortlesslyâbut youâve never let yourself linger on it like this.
And now? It's impossible not to.
He doesnât notice you staring at firstâjust runs a hand through his hair, pushing it back, the movement casual, unbothered. But when he glances your way and catches your eyes, lingering too long on his frame, his lips curl ever so slightly.
He knows, but he doesnât call you out for it.
He just holds your gaze, calm and unreadable, and lets the tension build like smoke between the two of you.
âYou good?â
You say that as if you don't know what you're trying to do. âYeah, I justâŠâ
He chuckles. âI think we've eaten enough, haven't we?â
You blink, breath getting caught in your throat. He must've caught on to you getting flustered by him, judging by how he grins shamelessly after that statement.
He says nothing, takes you by the hand and guides you upstairs, leaving the wine and the charcuterie board on the kitchen counter. Still clueless of his next move, you follow his lead.Â
You can't help but notice where his hands landâeither flush against the curves of your waist, or on your shoulders, as if wanting to slide off the blazer you have on as well.
And when he lets go and opens his bedroom door, you watch him. He sits on the corner, switches his gazes between you and the empty spot beside himâas if inviting you in without saying a word.
You sigh, sitting beside him and finally letting your tired feet rest. âSleepy already?â
He shakes his head. âI justââ The words catch in his throat. âCan I take more photos of you?â
You roll your eyes jokingly. âYou're obsessed with me.â
âMaybe,â he shrugs coolly, as if your words didn't imply something more. âWell, fuck, at this point, I am.â
You cackle loudly, springing up from the bed and making your way to a corner of the room, where a huge abstract painting hung behind you. âHere?â
Sunghoon scrambles out of bed like something just snapped into place in his head.
He mutters something under his breathââWait hereââbefore dragging a stool out from under his dresser and placing it just beneath the soft lamplight near the window. He grabs his camera, checking it like itâs muscle memory, before glancing at you with eyes darker than they were a minute ago.
âSit,â he says, motioning to the stool.
You blink at him. âI just got here.â
âExactly.â Thereâs something in his voiceâurgent but careful. âYou look⊠I need to capture this.â
You hesitate for a second. But then you stand and walk over, curiosity pulling you in.
He doesnât say much as he adjusts your position, gently nudging your shoulders, brushing a strand of hair behind your ear. But you feel itâthe way his fingers hover, like heâs memorizing you with touch alone.
And then he steps back with the camera. Raises it. And pauses.
And heâs spiraling. God. Sheâs beautiful. Was she always this beautiful? Noâshe was. But itâs different now. Clearer. Louder. Closer.
He lowers the camera halfway. âYou lookâŠâ He swallows hard. ââŠLike you own the whole gallery.â
You snort. âThat was corny as hell.â
He lets out a breathy laugh, stepping closer. âI mean it.â His voice is quieter now. âYou looked amazing that day at the museum⊠but this? This is worse.â
âWorse?â you echo, amused.
âYeah,â he says, eyes flicking to your lips. âBecause now I know what itâs like to kiss you.â
Youâre still seated on the stool, posture relaxed now, legs crossed as you swirl the last bit of wine in your glass. Sunghoon lowers his camera, eyes lingering like he's not ready to stop looking.
You tilt your head at him, lips curling. âDo you always stare this much after your shoots?â
He huffs a soft laugh, gaze flicking away. âOnly when the subject wonât stop looking back.â
You smirk, leaning back slightly, voice lilting with mischief. âSoâŠâ you trail off. âHave you ever taken photos of someone naked?â
He stiffens just a little. Blinks. Then raises an eyebrow. ââŠWhat?â
He exhales slowly, walking back toward the bed but not sitting down. His jaw ticks. âOnce.â Then he adds, as if to clarify, âIt was for an exhibit. Clinical. Nothing romantic.â
âHmm.â You sip again. âWere they attractive?â
His eyes flash to yours. âWhat are you doing?â
You feign innocence, lips pursed. âJust curious. Youâre an artist. Surely youâve beenâŠâ your gaze purposely shifts towards his crotch. âinspired.â
Sunghoon steps forward, slowly nowâmeasured. You can practically hear the restraint in his movements. âIâm not usually the one being interrogated.â
You shrug, smiling wider. âI bet they didnât tease you like this either.â
Thatâs what breaks him.
He closes the distance in two strides, camera long forgotten on the table. His hand cups your jaw gently, but thereâs fire behind his touch.
âNo,â he says lowly. âBecause they didnât mean anything.â
You blink up at him, breath hitching. âAnd I do?â
He leans in, lips brushing the edge of your cheek, your jaw, your earânot quite kissing, but barely holding back. âYou have no idea.â
Thenâfinallyâhis mouth crashes into yours. No hesitation. Just heat.
The kiss is fierce, fingers digging into your waist, pulling you off the stool and into him, lips moving like heâs making up for all the times he didnât let himself go there. All the months of holding back? Gone. All the subtle glances, brushes of hands, swallowed sighs? Let loose.
You taste wine on his tongue, feel the press of his chest against yours, the urgency building fast between you.
And when he pulls back for a breath, his voice is hoarse.
âYou better mean it. All of it.â
Your breath is still uneven from the kissâhis hands on your waist, your lips tingling from the hunger in them. But just as you think heâll pull you back into another, Sunghoon moves. He walks across the roomâquick, purposefulâand grabs the camera again.
You blink, dazed. âSunghoon?â
He turns, eyes dark and steady. âDonât move.â
Thereâs something different in his toneânot commanding, but intent. He lifts the camera and looks at you through the lens like youâre something holy.
âYou said Iâve shot nudes before.â His voice is low. Rough. âBut Iâve never taken photos of someone I wanted.â
You sit still, heart racing. âIs this you getting your revenge for teasing you?â you murmur, trying to sound casual.
But the look on his face silences you. No smirk. No sarcasm. Just longing.
He takes one shot. The click is deafening in the quiet room.
âTake something off.â
Your eyes widen. Heâs serious.
âSlowly,â he adds. âLet me watch.â
He brings the camera to his face, but his handsâsteady at firstâstart to falter the moment you reach for the first button.
You donât rush. You donât need to. And thatâs whatâs killing him. Your fingers move slowly down your blouse, undoing it one button at a time, each soft click of fabric slipping free making his breathing rougher.
He shifts his weight from one foot to the other, jaw tight, chest rising and falling more noticeably now.
Click.
Another photo. But itâs getting harder to keep the lens steady. Harder to focus when all he wants is to put the camera down and touch.
He curses softly under his breath when your blouse finally slips from your shoulders. His eyes trail over your skin, and the camera dips for just a second, long enough for you to catch him.
âHaving trouble?â you murmur.
His grip tightens on the camera. âYou have no idea.â
You reach down for the side zipper of your skirt, dragging it down just slow enough to feel the tension snap taut between you both.
Sunghoon exhales hard through his nose, and for a moment, he just stands there, unmovingâlike heâs giving himself an internal command not to drop everything and press you against the nearest wall.
Click.
Another photo. Barely. The camera lowers again, and his eyes rake over you, no longer hiding itâhis want, his awe, the way youâve utterly disarmed him.
His hand twitches at his side, like heâs aching to use it.
He adjusts his stance again, subtlyâbut not subtly enough.
You see it. The growing tension. The heat. The hard-on forming in his pants. The clear evidence that this is no longer just artistic admiration. Heâs aching for you.
You let your skirt pool at your feet and step out of it with poise. Calm. In control.
Meanwhile, Sunghoonâs mouth is parted, his throat working as he swallows hard, breath ragged.
âFuck,â he whispers.
He puts the camera down gentlyâtoo gently for how undone he isâlike itâs the last thread keeping him grounded. Then he steps forward, slowly, like if he moved too fast, heâd lose control completely.
His hand lifts to your cheek, thumb brushing along your jaw, his eyes flicking between yours and your lips and your chest.
âI canât,â he breathes. âI canât hold back anymore.â
And when he finally kisses youâreally kisses youâitâs nothing short of desperate.
âI need to touch you now.â
The lust in his voice sends heat pooling between your legs. It's enough to make you completely give into him. And when he sees you press your legs together from his peripheral vision, he smirks.
He knows what he's doing and it's working.
âSunghoonâŠâ you sigh as he parts your legs slowly. âBabyâŠâ
Just when you think he's about to kiss you again, he drops to his knees.
Just like that. No words. No hesitation.
Just Sunghoon, kneeling in front of you in the middle of his room, looking up like heâs never seen anything more beautiful.
You let out a breathâhalf a laugh, half a gasp. âYouâre seriouslyââ
âYou teased me,â he says, voice low, hands resting at the backs of your thighs. âNow you live with the consequences.âÂ
He presses a kiss to your hip, then another to the inside of your thighâslow, patient, worshipful. You thread your fingers into his hair, the sight of him there making something ache deep inside you.
âOh, my goshâŠâ you mutter, every kiss taking out an ounce of strength in your body. âPleaseâŠâ
âBabyâFuck, Iâm trying so hard not to rip your panties off,â he looks up at you, half frustrated and half amused.Â
Is this really Sunghoon beneath you right nowâferal, unhinged, with his self-control hanging by a thread? You gasp at his remark, still wrapping your head around this new personality you've somehow unlocked.Â
Just when you thought you had no more to discover.
âBed. Now.â His tone is lustful, even more lustful than it was minutes ago.
Without a beat, you saunter from the stool to his bed. He guides you to lay on your back, with your elbows propped against the mattress. Just to give him a good view of whatever your clothes concealed.
And goddamn, did he want to touch you even more.
His breath hitches as he inches closer to you, one hand trying to pick up the camera from the bedside table, and the other landing on your breast. You breathe out his name as he gives it a delicate squeeze.Â
Click.
You didn't care about being almost naked in Sunghoonâs viewfinder. You haven't been perceived this way by anyone.
So you purposely stare straight into his camera lens, letting him know how much you love this, too. And when he lowers the camera, slowly, hands visibly shaking, your voice slices through the stillness, soft but sure:
âPut it down.â
He pauses. Eyes locked on yours, lips parted, breath still shallow. âWhy?â
You lean forward towards him, lips almost touching his. âBecause I donât want to be photographed anymore.âÂ
Your fingers reach upâslowly, deliberatelyâand you brush his hair out of his eyes. âI want you to feel me.â
âOh, fuck.â
Sunghoon is doomed, but in the best way possible. Your words pull a trigger in his headâone that sets him off kissing you hungrily while yanking the cups of your bra downward to reveal your breasts.
He feels you up with his handsâsoftly and slowly, as if his fingertips are trying to memorize you. The arousal between your legs grows hotter with every stroke of his finger on your nipples, with every kiss on your lips.Â
He pulls away for air and whispers, âYou're gonna fucking kill me, Y/N.â
His kisses move down your jaw, neck, then finally, your breasts. His tongue travels languidly from your chest to your right nipple, and it makes you jolt against his body.
You're exactly what he expected. You're beautiful beyond perfection.
He drinks everything inâthe way you moan out his name the moment he sucks your nipple, the subtle rock of your hips against his hard-on, the erotic expression in your face letting him know his effect on you.
Little did you know, he's subtly brushing his clothed cock against your thigh, letting you know how much you turn him on.
âSunghoonâŠâ you whimper, tugging at the hem of his tank top. âWanna see youâŠâ
He pulls the tank top over his head and tosses it aside. And then he just kneels, bare and breathless in front of you, letting you look.
The soft dip of his collarbone, the curve of his shoulders, the tension in his arms he always kept under control, his chest rising and falling like heâs scared to exhale.
Heâs beautiful. But more than thatâheâs real.
You reach out, fingertips brushing over his skin, tracing the slope of his neck, the line between his ribs, the scar just below his sternum heâs never talked about.
He flinchesânot because you touched it, but because you touched him with care. âDonât look at me like that,â he breathes.
âLike what?â
âLike you mean it.â
You press a kiss to his chest, right where his heartbeat pounds against your lips. âBut I do.â
And as if on cue, the last thread of sanity holding him together finally breaks. His lips travel from your neck down to your torso, his tongue wanting to memorize the softness of your skin. You squirm under his touch, the foreign sensation making the arousal harder to ignore.
Heâs gone feral. He didnât need to say itâthe way his hands and lips are in a frenzy all over your body says it all. Heâs worshipping you like youâve come from a sacred land and you donât complain.
Because for once, you don't feel rejected even in your most vulnerable moment.
The next thing you know, Sunghoonâs already slid your panties off, and his mind goes even crazier. He groans at the sight of your pussy, and he feels fucking smug seeing how wet you already are.
He did that without touching you there.
âFucking hell⊠you're not gonna make me get out of this bedâŠâ he mutters as he experimented drags his finger along your clit.
âAhâSunghoon!â you gasp at the sudden jolt between your legs. âShitâthat feels goodâŠâ
âTell me where,â he commands, fingers unhurriedly exploring your pussy. âIâll make it worth it.â
Your lips part, but words fail you for a second. He drags his finger lower. Then up again. Circling. Testing.
You grab his wrist, guiding him just slightly. âThere,â you whisper. âDonât stopâright thereââ
âHere?â he coos, breath stuttering as he does.Â
He moves in slow, precise circles, letting the pressure build. Letting your sounds change. Letting your thighs shake just a little more with each pass.
âYouâre already shaking,â he murmurs, voice rough now. âJust from this?â
âFuckâSunghoonââ you pant, your head thrown back, hips grinding helplessly against his hand.
âYou deserve it,â he breathes, then leans in to kiss your shoulder, your collarbone, every inch of skin that trembles under him. âAfter today⊠after that interview⊠let me make you feel good.â
And then he slips a finger inside you. Slow. Intentional. Your back arches.
âSo wet for me already,â he says, sounding in awe. âGod, youâre unrealâŠâ
You tighten your grip on his armâimpatient, desperateâand he leans in, mouth crashing onto yours with a groan that vibrates through your chest.Â
And when you whimper into the kiss, when you clench around his fingers, he loses it.
Your moans muffle against his mouth, but they make him twitchâdownright twitch with how badly he wants you. And yet, his fingers keep their steady pace. Curling, stretching, coaxing you open.
âYou take me so well,â he breathes against your jaw. âLike you were made for me.â
Youâre whimpering now, helpless. And it only gets worse when he pulls away suddenly.
âSunghoonâ?â You barely manage, desperate for his touch again.
He doesnât answer. Just slides down the bed. Settles between your thighs like heâs been meaning to live there. And then he looks up at you, hair falling over his eyes, lips already parted.
âLet me taste you.â
You swear your soul leaves your body.
His hands part your thighs slowly, reverently. He kisses the inside of your knee. Your inner thigh. Nips just close enough to make you gasp.
âYouâve been teasing me all night,â he murmurs, breath warm against where you need him. âNow itâs my turn.â
His mouth finds your pussy. One long, slow lick up your center. Just to feel you jolt.
âHoly shitââ you choke, hips jerking. âS-Sunghoon, Iââ
He groans. Actually groans. Grips your hips tighter and goes again. His tongue flicks over your clit with maddening precision, dragging tight circles that make your legs shake. He moans against you when you grip his hair, like your pleasure alone is whatâs turning him on the most.
âYou taste so fucking good,â he mutters, before diving back in.
When he sucks your clit, your back arches. When he adds a finger back inâthen twoâyou cry out his name so loud, youâre lucky his house was on a wide lot, away from the neighborsâ peeping. Heâs got his mouth on you like heâs found the thing heâs been craving for months.
Every flick of his tongue, every kiss to your clit was controlled chaos. But beneath that calm, Sunghoon is struggling.
You catch it in the way his hips subtly grind down into the mattress, trying to find friction as he moans against your soaked heat. His fingers dig harder into your thighsânot possessive, but desperate. He needs you, and you can feel it.
FuckâŠâ
The word slips out ragged, muffled against your skin, and when you moan his nameâjust a breathy, ruined âSunghoonâŠââhis body shudders.
He curses again, this time lower, like heâs trying to keep himself from snapping.
âYou have no ideaâŠâ His voice is hoarse, barely there. âYou donât know what youâre doing to meâŠâ
You peek down and see itâthe sharp rise and fall of his back, the way he keeps rutting into the sheets like itâs reflex, like heâs beyond awareness.
âS-So hard for youâŠâ he groans against you. âAnd you havenât even touched me yet.â
The confession sends a bolt of heat through you. And the whole time, heâs watching you fall apart. Watching your chest heave and your thighs tremble. Watching you come undone for him and only him.
âLet go for me,â he whispers against you. âCome on, baby. Iâve got you. Give it to me.â
And when you finally do, you're shaking, crying out his name, legs clenched around his shoulders. He doesnât stop. Not right away. Not until heâs kissed you through the aftershocks, swallowed every sound youâve made.
You reach down, fingers threading through his hair, tugging gently until he looks upâhis lips swollen, chin wet, eyes wild.
And thatâs when you notice it. His chest rising and falling like heâs run miles, his cock straining against his boxers, dark with arousal, a faint wet spot blooming at the front.
Heâs trembling.
âCome here,â you whisper, breathless. âI need you. I need all of you.â
He blinks up at you, ruined, needy, reverent. âIf I come the second Iâm inside youâŠâ he pants, voice shaking, âItâs your fault.â
âThen do it.â
Your voice is breathless but sureâhalf-daring, half-devotedâand it punches the air right out of his lungs.
Sunghoon freezes for a second. Just a heartbeat. His pupils dilate. His throat bobs as he swallows hard. His hips grind onceâsharpâinto the mattress before he scrambles up your body, hand gripping your thigh, shoving his boxers down clumsily like theyâre the only thing stopping him from salvation.
âFuck, fuckââ Heâs babbling now, kissing you like heâll die if he doesnât.
His cock brushes against your slick heat and he twitches, nearly folds right then and there. âYou're gonna break me,â he groans. âYou want me to come just from this? I will. Donât test me.â
You wrap your legs around his waist and pull him closer, guiding him where you want him. âThen come,â you whisper. âI want to feel all of it.â
He shudders. And then, he pushes in. One, slow, helpless thrust. All the way. And he moans. Not quiet. Not polite. A deep, desperate, guttural sound that makes your toes curl.
âOh my god,â he gasps, forehead pressing to yours. âYou feelâfuck, you feel perfectââ
His arms tremble beside your head, struggling to hold himself up.
âSunghoonâŠâ You whisper it like a plea, and it only wrecks him more.
He pulls out an inch and thrusts back in, harder. You both cry out. Heâs shaking.
âIâm not gonna last,â he breathes, eyes wide, overwhelmed. âIâve thought about this too muchâIâve wanted this too fucking longââ
You cradle his jaw, press a kiss to his parted lips, and murmur. âThen give it to me.â
He thrusts into youâslow, deep, deliberate. And for a moment, you forget how to breathe. Not because of the stretch. Not even because he groans your name like itâs a secret slipping from his lips. But because of the way he looks at youâlike youâre not just something to fuck, like youâre something to worship.
Your nails dig into his back, and he gaspsâbut keeps moving, slow and steady, like heâs not trying to chase the high, just memorize the way you feel under him.
This is different. This isnât just sex. The thought crashes into you harder than any thrust.
You stare up at him, his brows furrowed in focus, jaw tight, sweat beading on his temple, and you realize:
Heâs holding back for me. Heâs trying to make it good for me. He wants to give, not just take.
Thatâs what breaks you.
Not the way his hips roll. Not the way his hand slides under your thigh. But the way heâs loving you through it.
Godâhe sees me. He wants me. He cares.
Your chest tightens. Tears prick at the corners of your eyes and you try to blink them away, but her bodyâs betraying you, rocking with his rhythm, falling apart from pleasure and everything else.
Iâve never felt this safe. Never felt this⊠wanted.
He leans down, presses his forehead to yours, their noses brushing. âYou okay?â he whispers, voice thick, hips still moving inside you like heâs chasing the edge with restraint he barely has left.
You nod, shakily. But her eyes are glassy. Her lips part. Andâ
âI think Iâm falling in love with you.â
He freezes.
Not in fear. Not in hesitation. But in something deeperâlike your words physically knocked the wind out of him.
Then he exhales a soft, broken sound. And whispers: âMe too.â
And thatâs it. Thatâs the moment it all changes.
Because the second the words are out, he kisses you, hungry, desperate, like heâs finally giving in to the thing heâs been holding back since the beginning.
His thrusts change. No longer slow, no longer measured. Now theyâre filled with need, the kind that burns under the skin and settles in the bones. You gasp, wrap your legs tighter around his waist, helpless under the weight of him.
âFuck,â he groans into your mouth. âYou donât know what you do to me.â
You feel itâhis body straining to hold on, to draw it out. But the emotion is hitting him harder than the physical. Itâs you. Itâs everything. You arch into him, nails dragging down his back.
âI want all of you,â you whisper. âEvery part.â
âYou have me,â he pants. âYouâve always had me.â
It builds fastâyour body coiling, burning, begging for release.
âCome with me,â he says, voice tight, trembling. âPleaseâlet go with me.â
And you do. You fall apart beneath him, choking on a moan, tears prickling at your lashes, heart breaking open in the best possible way. And when you clench around him, pulling him over the edge with you, he gives in. He presses deep and groans, wrecked.
âShitâfuckâIâmââ His head drops to your shoulder as he thrusts one last time, burying himself deepâhips flush to yoursâand thenâ
He breaks. He gasps. Shudders. And finally stills as he spills into you, every hot pulse of him matched by a low, drawn-out moan pressed into your neck.
âGodâfuckâoh my godâŠâ Heâs panting. Trembling. Still grinding into you just slightly, as if trying to prolong the high.
You feel all of him. The heat, the weight, the way his arms pull you close like youâre the only thing that exists.
âYouâre mine,â he breathes. Not possessiveâdesperate. Like he canât believe itâs real.
âYouâve always been mine.â
âI love you,â he whispers against your lips. âI fucking love you.â
He doesnât stop holding you. Doesnât let you go. Just buries his face in your neck and breathes you in like he needs it to survive.
And you kiss him. Open, soft, messy. His lips are swollen. His eyes glassy. His voice nothing but a whisper now.
âYou okay?â you murmur against his cheek.
He lets out a shaky laugh. âI think I just saw God.â
You roll over, still catching your breath, the sweat barely cooling on your skin. He lies beside youâhair a mess, lips pink, chest rising and falling in slow, worn-out waves.
And thatâs when you see it. The camera. His.
Sitting there on the dresser. The same one he never lets anyone near. The one he told you once was the only thing that made sense to him when nothing else did. Quietly, you get up, pull the strap from the hook, and sit cross-legged on the bed. He blinks at you, dazed and warm and so goddamn in love.
â...Whatâre you doing?â he mumbles, voice still hoarse from moaning your name.
âI wonât break it,â you say gently, looking at him over your shoulder. âI promise.â
He doesnât move. Just stares at you, hair tousled, chest bare and rising slow beneath the sheets.
âThatâs not what Iâm concerned about right now,â he murmurs.
You blink. âThen whatâ?â
âYou.â He exhales like heâs steadying something inside him. âYouâre holding the one thing I never let anyone near. And I donât even care. Thatâs what scares me.â
You hold the camera more carefully then, not because youâre afraid of dropping it, but because suddenly, you understand the weight of it.
âYou trust me?â
He swallows. Then nods. âMore than I trust myself.â
So you raise the viewfinder to your eye. He looks awkward, clueless, and a little flushed. But he doesnât move.
âWhat do I do?â
âNothing,â you whisper. âJust be mine for a second.â
Click.
He leans on one arm. Eyes half-lidded. You click again.
âThis is unfair,â you murmur, adjusting the focus. âThe camera will never do your beauty justice.â
His breath hitches. âY/NâŠâ
But you keep shooting. Not because the lightingâs perfect. Not because heâs styled or posed. But because heâs real. Raw. Yours.
And for the first time, he lets someone see him.
âYouâre always behind the lens,â you say, lowering the camera just enough to meet his eyes.
âItâs about time someone framed you the way you deserve.â
He exhales. Like heâs never heard something that hit him harder. Then he crawls back toward you, presses a kiss to your cheek, and rests his forehead against yours.
âJust donât show anyone,â he whispers.
âNever.â
***
The gallery had mostly emptied, save for the last of the crayon-streaked paper crowns and sticky fingerprints on the glass displays. You were standing near the exhibitâs end, still fielding questions from the straggling kindergartnersâhalf curator, half glorified babysitter.
You hadn't noticed the footsteps at first. But you always noticed him.
âMiss Curator,â he calls out, voice low, teasing. âOr should I say⊠baby?â
You turn. Sunghoon stands just inside the lobby, all dark tones and camera straps, fresh off a gig. His hairâs windblown. His sleeves are rolled. Thereâs a smudge of ink near his jaw from a nametag he probably tore off backstage. He looks like a stormâand yet, heâs smiling like spring.
âYouâre early,â you say, brushing glitter from your sleeve.
âYouâre sparkly,â he replies, head tilting slightly. âDid you get attacked?â
âAffectionately,â you grin. âThey think I live here.â
âYou basically do.â
Before you can roll your eyes, a tiny voice interrupts from behind.
âMiss Y/N!â A girl, maybe five, tugs at your skirt. She points at Sunghoon with big, curious eyes. âIs that your boyfriend?â
You open your mouth, but Sunghoonâs already crouched to her level, flashing a rare smile.
âThatâs a secret,â he stage-whispers, pressing a finger to his lips. âCan you keep one?â
She gasps, delighted, and runs off squealing.
You bite back your laugh. He straightens slowly, watching you. And youâglitter-streaked, paper-crown-wearing, freshly exhaustedâyou look at him like he hung the stars in the gallery skylight.
âLetâs go,â he murmurs. âYouâre due for a nap and a charcuterie board.â
You crash at home together that night, and you fall asleep on his chest, the camera sitting untouched on the table, the glitter still clinging to your skin. Youâll wash it off eventually.
But for now?
You stay.
Because here, in this quiet love, in his arms and in his lens, you are finally, completelyâcaptured.
a/n: holy hell i've been gone for so longgg... a lot of things happened and i wasn't able to keep up with enhablr (tumblr in general lol) but i'm happy to say that i'm coming back! though i feel a little upset by the current situation, i'm relieved to know that i still have my writing gene :D hope this gives you comfort ><
The Garden That Waited for Spring ft Park Sunghoon
Dear Engene, if thereâs even a small chance that this wasnât Heeseungâs decision, then we have to fight for him. And if it was⊠at least weâll be able to say we stood by him. That we tried. That we fought.
â Summary â : In a marriage arranged by duty rather than affection, you enter Park Sunghoonâs household with quiet hope and a heart willing to love the man fate has chosen for you. But months pass in silence. You tend the garden, nurture the household, and wait for warmth that never seems to come. While others speak of children, love, and happy unions, your marriage remains distantâpolite, proper, and painfully empty. Still, like a garden waiting for spring, your heart refuses to stop hoping. Until the day that hope finally begins to fade⊠and only then does Sunghoon begin to see what he has been losing all along.
â Warnings â : Angst âą Arranged marriage âą Emotional neglect âą Family pressure for an heir âą Slow burn romance âą Historical timeline - Goryeo period
You had always believed that marriage was something beautiful and sacred. Since childhood, you had dreamt of the day you would one day become someoneâs wife. In your mind, it was never anything grandâonly a quiet home, a loving husband, and the laughter of children filling the rooms. It was a simple future, one you carried dearly in your heart, trusting that when the time came, it would surely be yours.
So when your family spoke of your betrothal, you did not weep nor protest as some girls might have done. Instead, you accepted the news with a quiet heart. If marriage was the path set before you, then you would walk it willingly.
His name was Park Sunghoon.
A man you had never met, yet the one who would soon become your husband.
You wondered what kind of person he might beâwhether he was kind, whether he liked the quiet things as you did, whether he might one day come to love the small life you had always imagined. You told yourself that love did not always have to come before marriage. Sometimes, it grew slowly, like a seed planted in patient soil.
And so you entered the betrothal with hope in your heart. You did not know then that while you dreamed of a gentle beginning, your future husband accepted the same marriage with a heart far less willing.
You first met Sunghoon on the day the betrothal was formally acknowledged.
The hall was quiet, filled with the low murmurs of elders and the faint rustling of silk garments. Incense burned slowly in the corner, its fragrance lingering in the air. You stood beside your father, hands folded neatly before you, trying to steady the nervous beating of your heart.
Park Sunghoon entered the room with steady steps. Tall, composed, and dressed in dark robes befitting his house, he carried himself with a quiet dignity that made the room seem smaller around him. His expression was calm, almost unreadable, yet there was something distant in the way he looked upon the gathering.
When his gaze finally settled on you, you felt your breath falter.
His gaze is not intense; it looks calming, like a spring breeze. Indeed, he is a beautiful young man. He bowed politely, as custom required, and you returned the gesture with equal care. The elders spoke of alliances and prosperity, of the harmony that would come from the joining of your two families. Words of celebration filled the room.
Neither of you spoke to the other. When the formalities ended, your eyes met again for the briefest moment. You offered a small, hopeful smile. Sunghoon, however, only inclined his head in quiet acknowledgement. There was nothing cruel in his expressionâno displeasure, no harshness.
Still, as you walked away that day, you told yourself not to lose heart. After all, a betrothal was only the beginning. And surely, with time, even the most distant hearts could grow closer.
The wedding was held not long after the betrothal.
From early morning, the residence was filled with the quiet bustle of preparation. Servants moved swiftly through the halls, arranging decorations and carrying trays of ceremonial offerings. Crimson silks and embroidered banners adorned the courtyard, their colors bright against the pale light of the day.
You were dressed carefully by the women of the household, each layer of silk placed upon you with great care. The weight of the garments and ornaments felt unfamiliar, yet you endured it patiently, your thoughts wandering to the man who would soon become your husband.
Sunghoon.
Though you had only met him once, the memory of his calm, distant gaze had remained with you. When the time came, you were led into the courtyard where the ceremony would take place. The elders were already gathered, their expressions solemn yet satisfied as they watched the joining of two respected families.
Sunghoon stood across from you.
Clad in formal robes, he looked every bit the noble son his house had raised him to beâcomposed, dignified, and impossibly calm. For a brief moment, you wondered what thoughts might be passing through his mind. Whether he felt anything at all about the vows that were about to bind your lives together.
The ceremony began. Under the watchful eyes of family and witnesses, the two of you bowed according to tradition, each movement careful and deliberate. Words of blessing were spoken, wishing for prosperity, harmony, and a long life together.
Then came the final bowâthe one that marked the completion of the marriage. You lowered yourself respectfully, your heart beating quietly beneath the heavy silk of your robes. When you rose again, Sunghoon stood before you as your husband. A stranger no longer. Yet not quite familiar either. Your eyes met briefly.
You offered him the same small, hopeful smile you had given before, carrying within it a quiet promiseâthat you would try your best to make this marriage a happy one. Sunghoon inclined his head in return.
Polite. Respectful. But distant.
And though the room was filled with congratulations and celebration, you could not help but feel that the space between the two of you remained just as it had been before. Still, you reminded yourself gently that a marriage was not built in a single day. Perhaps, in time, the distance would fade. Perhaps, one day, he would look at you not as a duty placed before himâ but as the wife who had chosen to walk beside him.
By the time the celebrations came to an end, the night had grown quiet. The servants had long since withdrawn, leaving the bridal chamber lit only by a few steady candles. Their soft glow flickered against the wooden walls, casting gentle shadows across the room. You sat at the edge of the bed, your hands folded neatly in your lap.
The weight of the ceremonial ornaments still rested upon your hair, though a few strands had begun to fall loose after the long day. Outside, the distant sounds of celebration had faded, leaving behind only the quiet of the night. You knew what was expected. Every bride did. Still, you waited patiently. After a while, the door slid open.
Sunghoon stepped inside.
He had changed from his ceremonial robes into simpler garments, yet he still carried himself with the same composed grace you had noticed before. For a brief moment he paused, as though unsure of what words might properly begin the night.
You rose politely and bowed your head.
âMy lord.â
Sunghoon returned the gesture with quiet courtesy. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The silence between you felt heavier than the silk you wore. At last, Sunghoon glanced toward the bed before looking back at you. His expression remained calm, though there was something thoughtful in his eyes now.
âYou must be tired,â he said quietly.
The words surprised you. Still, you answered gently. âIt has been a long day.â Another moment passed before he spoke again.
âThis marriageâŠâ he began, though the words seemed to weigh upon him.
You waited patiently. Sunghoon exhaled softly, as though settling on a decision he had already made long before this moment.
âYou and I are strangers.â
The statement was simple, spoken without harshness.
âThough the ceremony has bound us as husband and wife, we have only met twice. I would not treat you as though you were merely an obligation placed before me.â
Your fingers tightened slightly within your sleeves.
Sunghoon continued, his voice calm but firm.
âTo share a husband and wifeâs bond without understanding one another⊠would be nothing more than a hollow gesture.â
His gaze softened just slightly.
âAnd I would not offer you something so meaningless.â
The meaning of his words settled slowly in your heart. He was refusing the marriage bed. Not in anger. Not in disgust. But because he believed it would hold no meaning between two strangers. Sunghoon stepped back slightly, placing a respectful distance between you.
âYou may rest here tonight,â he said quietly. âI will take the study.â
For a moment, you considered speakingâperhaps to tell him that you did not mind, that marriage often began this way. But the words never came. Instead, you simply bowed your head.
âYes, my lord.â
Sunghoon inclined his head in return, offering the same careful courtesy he had shown you since the day you first met. Then he turned and quietly left the chamber. The door slid shut behind him. And in the stillness that followed, you remained standing beside the bed, listening to the fading sound of his footsteps.
You told yourself not to feel disappointed. After all, he had not spoken to you unkindly. Yet as the candles flickered softly in the quiet room, you could not help but wonder whether the distance between you and your husband was far greater than you had first imagined. Still, you held onto the hope you had carried since the beginning. Perhaps, with time, even strangers might learn to become something more.
The days following your marriage passed quietly. Sunghoon remained courteous, just as he had always been. He greeted you politely when your paths crossed in the halls, and he never once spoke to you with unkindness. Yet the distance between you remained unchanged. You told yourself that such things required patience.
So you began, little by little, to do the things you believed a wife ought to do. One morning, after learning from the servants that Sunghoon often spent long hours in his study, you prepared a pot of herbal tea from the small garden you had begun tending in the courtyard. The chrysanthemums had only just begun to bloom. You carefully brewed the tea yourself and asked a servant to deliver it to his study. Later that evening, the empty cup was returned. Nothing more. No message. Still, the cup had been finished. And somehow, that alone was enough to make you quietly glad.
Another day, while tending to the garden, you happened to see Sunghoon returning from the outer courtyard. Gathering a small measure of courage, you called to him softly.
âMy lord.â
He paused and turned to face you.
âThe chrysanthemums have bloomed,â you said gently. âIf you are not busy⊠perhaps you would care to see them?â
Sunghoon glanced briefly toward the garden before returning his gaze to you.
âI have matters to attend to.â
The refusal was not harsh. Only calm.
âI see,â you replied quietly, bowing your head. âPlease do not trouble yourself, my lord.â
And so he continued on his way, leaving you standing alone among the flowers. Still, you did not stop trying. Sometimes you would wait in the main hall late into the evening, thinking he might pass by before retiring for the night. Other times, you prepared tea or small meals you thought he might like.
More often than not, your efforts were met with nothing more than quiet politeness. Yet you told yourself it was enough. Because at least he did not reject you outright. At least he did not look upon you with displeasure.
StillâŠ
On some nights, when the house had grown silent and the lanterns burned low, you could not help but wonder if the warmth you were trying so carefully to build existed only in your own heart. And whether the man you had married would ever come to see you as more than the wife chosen for him by duty alone.
You learned the small things about him through the servantsâhow he preferred his tea, how late he often worked in his study, how he rarely returned to his chambers before the lanterns in the courtyard had nearly burned out. None of these things was told to you by Sunghoon himself.Â
Sometimes you would prepare tea and leave it outside his study, careful not to disturb him. Other times, you arranged fresh flowers in the main hall, thinking perhaps he might notice them when he passed by. You never asked if he did.
One evening, as you waited in the hall with a lantern in hand, you saw Sunghoon returning from the outer courtyard. Your heart lifted slightly at the sight of him.
âMy lord,â you greeted softly.
Sunghoon paused, offering the same polite nod he always gave.
âYou have not yet rested?â he asked.
âI thought you might return this way,â you replied gently.
For a moment, his gaze lingered on youâon the lantern in your hand, on the quiet patience with which you stood there. Then he said, almost thoughtfully,
âYou need not wait for me.â
The words were spoken calmly. Kindly, even. Yet somehow, they settled heavily in your chest. You lowered your gaze and bowed your head.
âYes, my lord.â
And though you continued to tell yourself that patience would one day be rewarded, a small and uncertain question had begun to form quietly within your heart.Â
Outside, the night remained quiet, and somewhere in the courtyard, the chrysanthemums swayed softly in the wind, blooming just as they were meant to. You wondered, not for the first time, why the same could not be said of your marriage.
Six months passed in this quiet manner.
The seasons shifted slowly beyond the walls of the residence. Spring gave way to the warmth of early summer, and the garden you had carefully tended began to flourish with new growth. Yet within the house, very little had changed. Sunghoon remained as he had been from the beginningâcourteous, composed, and distant.
He greeted you politely when your paths crossed in the corridors. At times he asked after your well-being, his tone calm and respectful, as though speaking to a guest who had long resided under the same roof.
Never unkind. Never cold. And yet never close.
You continued to perform your duties as his wife with quiet diligence. The household was kept in order, the garden carefully tended, and tea was often prepared for him during the long evenings he spent in his study. The servants had grown accustomed to the routine.
A tray left outside his door. An empty cup returned not long after. No words exchanged between husband and wife. By all appearances, nothing was amiss. Your marriage, to any outsider, would have seemed peaceful enough.
Still, there were moments when you could not help but feel the passing of time. Six months. Half a year had slipped quietly by since the day you stood beside him in the wedding courtyard. And yet, when you thought back to that first meetingâthe polite bow, the calm distance in his gazeâyou realized with a quiet heaviness that very little had changed since then.
You were still strangers sharing the same household. Still separated by a distance neither of you had crossed. Sometimes, while tending to the garden alone, you would pause and look toward the main residence, wondering whether Sunghoon might appear along the corridor. More often than not, he did not. And on those quiet afternoons, as the wind stirred gently through the herbs and flowers, you found yourself asking the same question that had begun to linger in your heart.
Whether the marriage you had once dreamed of so dearly⊠had ever truly been meant for you at all.
The months that followed passed much the same.
Summer slowly faded, giving way to the gentler chill of autumn. The herbs in your garden grew tall beneath your careful hands, their leaves brushed softly by the changing wind. And with it came a quiet realization.
A year.
An entire year had passed since the day you stood beside Sunghoon beneath the ceremonial banners, your hands folded neatly within your sleeves as the elders declared the union of your two families.
You remembered that day clearlyâthe murmured blessings, the weight of the silk robes, the careful bows exchanged before family and witnesses. At the time, you had believed it was the beginning of something. Yet now, standing alone in the courtyard garden as frost gathered lightly along the edges of the leaves, you found yourself wondering if that beginning had ever truly led anywhere at all.
One year of marriage.
And still, when you crossed paths in the corridors, Sunghoon greeted you with the same polite nod he had offered from the very first day. Respectful. Distant. As though the months between you had left no mark at all.
You lowered your gaze to the small herbs growing beneath your care, brushing your fingers gently against their leaves. Once, you had believed that patience and care could nurture anything into bloom. But as the cold winter air settled quietly around you, a small and uncertain thought returned once more to your heart.
Whether some thingsâno matter how carefully tendedâwere never meant to grow.
Not long after the first year of your marriage passed, the quiet peace of the household began to shift. It started with small remarks. Nothing direct. Nothing openly spoken before you. But whispers, like drifting wind, had a way of finding their way into the halls. One afternoon, as you passed by the inner courtyard, you overheard two elder women of the household speaking softly among themselves.
âA full year already,â one of them murmured.
âYes,â the other replied. âAnd still no news.â
Their voices lowered further, though not enough to escape your hearing.
âIt is unusual, is it not?â
âPerhaps the young lord spends too much time at court.â
You continued walking as though you had heard nothing. Your steps remained steady. Your expression calm. Yet their words lingered quietly in your mind. It did not end there. A few days later, during a family gathering, one of Sunghoonâs distant relatives spoke with an almost casual curiosity.
âLady Park,â the woman said with a polite smile, âsurely the household must soon be blessed with good news.â
You lowered your gaze respectfully.
âWe leave such matters to heavenâs will.â
The answer was proper.
Expected. Yet the woman only gave a knowing smile before turning the conversation elsewhere. From that day onward, the whispers grew more frequent. Servants spoke carefully when you passed. Relatives watched with quiet curiosity. A year of marriage without an heir was not something people overlooked easily.
Still, what troubled you most was not the whispers. It was the quiet truth behind them. For no matter how much the world wondered why the marriage had yet to bear fruitâ only you and Sunghoon knew the reason.
Your marriage had never truly begun.
And the distance between you remained just as it had been on the very first night.
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It did not take long for the whispers to reach the ears of Sunghoonâs mother.
The lady of the house had always been a composed woman, one who carried herself with the quiet authority expected of her position. Rarely did she interfere directly in the affairs of her sonâs marriage.
But after a full year had passed, silence was no longer something she could easily maintain. One afternoon, she sent for Sunghoon. He arrived at her chambers not long after, bowing respectfully as he stepped inside.
âMother.â
Lady Park studied him for a moment before gesturing for him to sit.
âYou have been busy with court matters,â she said calmly.
Sunghoon inclined his head. âThere has been much work lately.â
âI do not doubt it.â
Her gaze remained steady on him.
âBut there are matters within this house that cannot be ignored any longer.â
Sunghoon remained silent. The room was quiet except for the faint sound of wind stirring beyond the paper doors.
âA year has passed since your marriage,â she continued.
âI am aware.â
âAnd yet,â Lady Park said carefully, âthe household has not heard any news of an heir.â
Sunghoonâs expression did not change, but his gaze lowered slightly.
âMotherââ
âI have watched quietly,â she interrupted, her voice still calm. âI did not wish to interfere in your marriage. Such matters are not for a mother to involve herself in lightly.â
She paused, studying his face.
âBut the house of Park cannot remain without an heir.â
Sunghoonâs hands tightened slightly within his sleeves.
Lady Park spoke again, her tone softer now.
âYour wife has fulfilled her duties well. The household speaks highly of her.â
He knew that was true. You had done nothing to deserve criticism. If anything, you had been nothing but patient.
âAnd yet,â his mother continued, âpeople have begun to talk.â
The words hung heavily in the air. Sunghoon remained quiet. Finally, Lady Park asked the question that had been waiting between them.
âTell me honestly, my son.â
Her gaze did not waver.
âHave you even treated her as your wife?â
The silence that followed stretched quietly between them. Sunghoonâs gaze lowered slightly, though his expression remained composed. At last, he spoke.
âNo.â
The answer was simple.
Honest.
Lady Parkâs brows drew together faintly. âAnd why is that?â
Sunghoon did not reply immediately. For a moment, he seemed to be choosing his words with care.
âThis marriage,â he said slowly, âwas arranged for the sake of our families.â
âThat is often the way of such things.â
âYes,â Sunghoon acknowledged. âBut that does not make it right.â
His mother regarded him quietly. Sunghoon continued, his voice calm yet firm.
âShe is a stranger who was brought into this house because our families decided it should be so. I had no choice in the matter, and neither did she.â
Lady Park said nothing.
âAnd yet,â he added, âeveryone expects us to live as though affection can be summoned simply because a ceremony has been performed.â
His mother sighed softly. âAffection often grows after marriage.â
âSometimes,â Sunghoon replied.
âBut not always.â
The room fell silent again. After a moment, Sunghoon spoke once more.
âIt would be unfair.â
His mother looked at him carefully. âUnfair to whom?â
âTo the child.â
The words came without hesitation.
âIf a child were born into a household where the parents share nothing but obligation, what kind of home would that be?â
Lady Parkâs expression softened slightly.
âI will not bring a child into a marriage that holds no warmth,â Sunghoon said quietly. âSuch a life would not be kind to them.â
àšà§ âââ ⥠âââ àšà§Â
A child.
You had always imagined having at least two. It was a thought that had lived quietly in your heart for as long as you could remember. In your mind, they were always small and bright with laughterâchildren who would run through the garden paths while you called after them gently, their tiny hands stained with earth from helping you tend the herbs.
They would have their fatherâs features, you often thought. Perhaps his calm eyes. Perhaps the soft curve of his smileâif he ever chose to share it.
You imagined evenings where the house would no longer feel so vast and silent. Small footsteps echoing through the corridors, childish voices filling the rooms with warmth that no amount of lantern light could provide.
To you, children were not merely heirs or obligations. They were the quiet joy of a household. The living proof of love between husband and wife. And so, from the moment your marriage was arranged, you had carried that gentle hope with you.
A small family. A peaceful home. A husband who would one day look at you not with polite distance, but with affection.
Yet now, more than a year into your marriage, those dreams remained no more than distant imaginings. The corridors of the residence were still silent. The garden still belonged only to you.
You had not meant to overhear the conversation.
That afternoon, you had been walking toward the inner chambers to deliver a small basket of dried herbs you had prepared for Lady Park. The winter air had grown colder, and you thought the herbal blend might help ease the stiffness in her joints.
As you approached the corridor, voices reached you from behind the half-closed door. One of them was unmistakable. Sunghoon.
You paused instinctively, intending to step away so as not to intrude.
âI will not bring a child into a household where the parents share nothing but obligation,â he continued. âWhat kind of life would that be for them?â
His words were not harsh. They were not spoken in anger. But somehow, that made them hurt all the more.
âThis marriage was arranged,â Sunghoon said quietly. âThere is no affection between us. Only duty.â
Your fingers tightened slightly around the basket. Inside the room, Lady Park sighed softly.
âAffection can grow, my son.â
âPerhaps,â he replied.
âBut I will not gamble a childâs life on something that may never come.â
Silence fell again. Outside the door, you remained perfectly still. Your heart was beating so loudly you were almost afraid they might hear it. You had always dreamed of a small family.
A loving husband. Children whose laughter would fill the quiet rooms of this house.
But standing there in the dim corridor, listening to the calm certainty in Sunghoonâs voice, you realized something you had never allowed yourself to consider before. The future you had imagined so dearly was never something he had wanted at all.
Slowly, you lowered your gaze to the basket of herbs in your hands.
After a moment, you turned away from the door. Your footsteps were soft as you walked back down the corridor. And though your expression remained calm, the small dream you had carried so carefully within your heart felt, for the first time, as though it had begun to quietly break.
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That night, sleep did not come easily.
The residence had long since grown quiet. Lanterns along the corridors burned low, and the servants had retired to their quarters. Yet you remained awake. The words you had overheard earlier that day lingered stubbornly in your mind.
I will not bring a child into a household where the parents share nothing but obligation.
He had not spoken them with cruelty. If anything, Sunghoonâs voice had been calmâalmost thoughtful. Perhaps that was what made them hurt the most. After some time, you rose quietly from your bed. The air beyond the paper doors was cool as you stepped outside, wrapping your shawl more closely around your shoulders.
Your feet carried you instinctively toward the garden. It had always been the place where you felt most at ease. Even in the darkness, you could recognize the familiar shapes of the plants you had carefully tended for months. The herbs swayed gently in the night breeze, their faint scent drifting softly through the air.
You knelt beside them, brushing your fingers lightly against the leaves. In the silence of the garden, your thoughts returned once more to the dream you had held for so long.
A small family.
Children running through these very paths.
Sunghoon standing nearby, watching them with quiet amusement.
It had once felt so vivid. So possible. Yet now, recalling his steady voice in that dim chamber earlier that afternoon, the image felt painfully distant. He had never wanted that future.
Not with you.
Your hands trembled slightly as they rested against the cool earth. For a long moment, you sat there beneath the quiet night sky, staring at the small plants growing faithfully beneath your care. You had always believed that patience and effort could nurture anything into bloom. But perhaps you had been mistaken.
A soft breath left your lips.
Before you realized it, tears had begun to slip quietly down your cheeks. You did not sob. You did not make a sound. The tears simply fell, one after another, disappearing silently into the dark soil beneath your hands.
The garden had grown beautifully over the past year. Every herb and flower had responded to the care you gave them. Yet as you sat there alone in the cold night air, one thought lingered painfully in your mind. If even the smallest plant could grow beneath gentle handsâwhy had the marriage you had tried so carefully to nurture remained so empty?
The wind stirred softly through the garden. And beneath the quiet sky, you cried alone among the herbs you had grown with such devotion.
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That same night, long after the residence had fallen into silence, Sunghoon remained awake. A lantern burned dimly in his study, casting soft shadows across the scrolls spread before him. Yet his eyes had not moved from the same line for quite some time.
His motherâs words lingered in his mind.
Have you ever truly allowed it the chance to grow?
With a quiet breath, he closed the scroll. The air in the room had grown heavy. After a moment, he rose and stepped outside into the cool night. The courtyard was still. Only the faint rustling of leaves stirred in the wind.
Sunghoon walked without much thought, his steps slow as he crossed the stone path toward the outer garden. It was then that he saw you. You were kneeling among the herbs, your figure faintly illuminated by the pale moonlight.
At first, he thought you were simply tending to the plants again, even at such a late hour. It would not have been unusual. The garden had long been a place where you spent much of your time.
But then he noticed the stillness of your shoulders. And the way your head had lowered.
Sunghoon stopped.
From where he stood, he could not hear any sound.
Yet the faint glimmer of tears slipping down your cheeks was unmistakable. For a moment, he did not understand what he was seeing. In the year since your marriage, he had always known you as someone composed. Quiet, yesâbut steady. Patient in your duties, gentle in your speech.
He had never once seen you cry.
And suddenly, watching you there beneath the moonlight, something unfamiliar stirred in his chest. An uneasy weight. He remained where he was, hidden partly in the shadows of the corridor. Approaching you felt⊠wrong somehow. As though witnessing something deeply private.
Yet he found himself unable to turn away.
You brushed your hand across your face, wiping away tears that continued to fall despite your effort to remain calm. Your movements were small.
Silent.
There was no anger in them. Only a quiet sadness that seemed to have nowhere else to go. Sunghoonâs gaze lingered on you longer than he intended. And for the first time since the marriage had been arranged, he found himself seeing something he had never truly considered before.
Not a duty placed upon him by family. Not merely the woman who had become his wife by arrangement.
But a person.
Someone who had entered this household with hopes he had never cared to understand. Someone who had spent an entire year trying to nurture a marriage he had kept carefully distant. A quiet realization settled heavily in his chest.
If the marriage had been emptyâit was not because you had failed to try.
The night wind moved softly through the garden.
After a long moment, Sunghoon finally turned away, leaving you alone beneath the moonlight. Yet as he walked back toward the main residence, something in his thoughts had shifted. For the first time since the day of your wedding, he found himself wonderingâ how long you had been hurting like that, without him ever noticing at all.
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The gathering was lively that afternoon. The women of several noble households had come to visit, their voices filling the pavilion with soft laughter and polite conversation. Silk sleeves brushed gently as servants poured tea. Trays of fruit and sweets were placed between them, untouched for the most part as the conversation flowed easily.
You sat among them with quiet composure, hands folded neatly in your lap. Across from you, Lady Han rested a hand over the gentle curve of her stomach.
âIt has been difficult to sleep lately,â she said with a small laugh. âThe physician says the child will arrive before the end of the season.â
The other women responded warmly.
âYour husband must be very pleased.â
âHe has already ordered new silk blankets for the baby,â another added.
Beside her, Lady Min lifted a small embroidered pouch from the table.
âMy husband brought this from the capital,â she said, smiling softly. âHe said it would bring good fortune to our son.â
The women admired it with delight. You offered the same polite smile expected of you.
âHow thoughtful,â you said gently.
Yet as the conversation continuedâof pregnancies, of children learning to walk, of husbands returning from court with small giftsâyou found your hands tightening slightly within your sleeves. Their words were warm.
Joyful.
Everything you had once imagined marriage would be. For a moment, your gaze drifted toward the courtyard beyond the pavilion. A young child ran across the stones, laughing as a nursemaid hurried after him.
Your chest ached faintly.
You had once imagined such scenes so clearlyâchildren playing within your own household, a husband who would smile quietly at their mischief.
A family.
The thought passed as quickly as it came. When the women turned back toward you, asking politely about your own household, you answered with the same calm grace you always carried.
âThe residence is peaceful,â you said.
And that was true. Peaceful. Orderly. Quiet. Yet as the laughter resumed around you, you could not quite ignore the small ache settling quietly in your heart.
When you returned to the residence, dusk had already begun to settle over the courtyard. The lanterns along the corridors were being lit one by one, their soft glow reflecting faintly against the polished wood. Servants bowed as you passed, but you offered only a small nod in return before continuing toward your chamber.
The laughter of the afternoon gathering still lingered faintly in your thoughts. Pregnancies. Children. Husbands who returned home with small gifts.
Inside your chamber, the room was quiet. A small tray had been left upon the low table near the window, just as it was each evening. Upon it rested a porcelain bowl. The faint scent of herbs drifted upward from the dark liquid within. You stopped beside the table.
For a long moment, you simply looked at it. The household physician had prepared the tonic months ago, explaining that it would strengthen your body and improve the chances of conceiving. You had accepted it with quiet gratitude at the time.
Back then, the future had seemed so certain. You had imagined children running through the courtyard. A husband who might one day soften toward you. A family that would slowly grow within these walls. Your fingers lightly touched the edge of the bowl.
The liquid inside had already cooled.
Outside the window, the evening wind stirred softly through the trees. Slowly, you withdrew your hand. There was no reason to drink it. Not when the marriage had never truly begun. You lowered your gaze and gently pushed the tray a little farther aside, leaving the untouched tonic where it stood.
The lantern light flickered quietly against the porcelain bowl. And in the stillness of the room, the dream you had once carried so dearly felt a little more distant than before.
àšà§ âââ ⥠âââ àšà§Â
In the weeks that followed, the household continued as it always had. Servants carried out their duties. The halls remained orderly and quiet. Nothing outwardly seemed amiss. And yet, Sunghoon began to notice small changes. At first, it was something so minor he nearly dismissed it.
The tray of tea that was usually left outside his study door arrived later than usual one evening. Another day, he passed through the corridor and saw the herbs in the courtyard left unattended until well into the afternoon. Such things were unlike you.
You had always moved through the household with careful diligence, tending to each task with quiet devotion. But recently, your presence had grown⊠less certain. One morning, while returning from court, Sunghoon saw you crossing the courtyard.
Your steps were slower than he remembered. The wind lifted the edge of your sleeve as you walked, and for the first time he noticed how thin your wrist appeared beneath the fabric. You bowed politely when you saw him.
âMy lord.â
Your voice remained gentle as always. Yet when you lifted your face, Sunghoon paused. Your complexion, once soft with quiet warmth, seemed noticeably pale. There were faint shadows beneath your eyes, as though sleep had not come easily for many nights. For a brief moment, his gaze lingered.
âYou do not seem well,â he said at last.
The words were calm, almost casual, but they carried a weight that made you hesitate. You lowered your gaze politely.
âIt is nothing, my lord,â you answered.
âPerhaps I have been a little tired.â
Your tone was steady. Careful. As though you wished to end the matter there. Sunghoon studied you for another moment. The explanation did not fully satisfy him, though he could not quite say why. For the past year, he had known you as someone quietly resilientâalways composed, always patient.
Yet recently that quiet steadiness seemed to have faded. Something about you felt⊠diminished. As though a light that had once burned softly within you had begun to grow faint.
âYou should rest more,â he said after a moment.
âYes, my lord.â
You bowed once more before continuing across the courtyard. Sunghoon remained where he stood for a while after you left. The courtyard had grown quiet again. For reasons he did not fully understand, a faint unease settled in his chest.
He had thought the distance between you was something simpleâsomething that could exist without consequence. Yet watching your figure disappear along the corridor, he found himself wondering whether that distance had begun to cost far more than he had ever intended.
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The afternoon had grown unusually warm. Sunlight poured into the courtyard, casting long shadows across the stone path. The garden was quiet, the herbs swaying gently beneath the faint movement of the wind.
You knelt beside the rows of plants, your hands moving slowly through the soil as you cleared away a few fallen leaves. The work had once brought you comfort. Lately, however, even simple tasks seemed to demand more strength than before.
You paused, resting your hands lightly against your lap. A faint dizziness lingered at the edge of your senses, something that had visited you more often in recent days. You told yourself it would pass. It always did.
Slowly, you rose to your feet. The moment you did, the world shifted slightly. The courtyard seemed to tilt beneath your steps, the sunlight suddenly far too bright. Your hand reached instinctively for the wooden pillar beside the veranda, gripping it to steady yourself. You drew in a slow breath.
Just a moment more, you thought. It will pass. Footsteps sounded across the courtyard. You did not notice them until a voice spoke.
âYou look unwell.â
The words were calm, yet they carried a firmness that made you lift your gaze. Sunghoon stood a few steps away, having just crossed the stone path toward the residence. His eyes were fixed on you, his expression composed as alwaysâthough there was a slight tension in his brow.
You straightened immediately, lowering your hand from the pillar.
âIt is nothing, my lord,â you said softly, bowing your head. âPerhaps I rose too quickly.â
Sunghoon did not respond right away. His gaze lingered on you. The faint pallor of your complexion. The way your shoulders seemed slightly weaker than before. Even the careful steadiness in your voice felt⊠strained.
âYou have been unwell for some time,â he said after a moment. The statement surprised you. You lowered your gaze further.
âI apologize if my appearance has caused concern.â
Sunghoon studied you quietly. For many months, you had carried yourself with quiet diligence. Your movements had always been careful, your presence steady within the household.
But recently, he had begun to notice small changes. The herbs sometimes left unattended. Your steps slower through the corridors. The faint shadows beneath your eyes. None of them had seemed important at the time.
Now, seeing you standing there gripping the pillar for balance, those small details returned to him all at once.
âYou should not dismiss this,â he said.
His voice was still calm, but there was something firmer beneath it.
âI will send for the physician.â
Your head lifted slightly in surprise.
âMy lord, it is truly unnecessaryââ
âIt is decided.â
The interruption was not harsh, but it left little room for argument. You hesitated, then bowed your head once more.
âYes, my lord.â
Sunghoonâs gaze lingered on you a moment longer before he turned toward the main residence, summoning a servant with a quiet instruction. The courtyard returned to silence. You remained where you stood, your hand still resting lightly against the pillar. A faint breeze stirred through the herbs at your feet. For reasons you could not quite explain, the concern in Sunghoonâs voice lingered quietly in your thoughts long after he had gone.
By evening, the household physician had arrived. The older man was well known within the residence, having served the family for many years. His movements were careful and deliberate as he examined you within the quiet privacy of your chamber.
You sat beside the low table, sleeves drawn neatly over your hands as he checked your pulse. The room remained silent except for the faint rustle of his robes. Sunghoon stood a short distance away near the window. He had not taken a seat. Instead, he remained standing with quiet composure, his gaze occasionally drifting toward the physicianâs work, though his expression revealed little.
At last, the physician released your wrist.
âYou may rest for now, my lady,â he said gently.
You inclined your head politely.
âThank you.â
A servant stepped forward to guide you toward the inner chamber so you could lie down. You did not look toward Sunghoon as you passed him, though you felt his presence quietly within the room. Once the door curtain had settled closed behind you, the chamber grew still again. The physician gathered his instruments slowly before turning toward Sunghoon.
âMy lord.â
Sunghoon inclined his head slightly.
âWhat is her condition?â
The physician did not answer immediately. His eyes lowered briefly in thought.
âHer body shows signs of weakness,â he said at last. âHowever, the cause does not appear to be illness.â
Sunghoonâs gaze sharpened slightly.
âExplain.â
The physician folded his hands within his sleeves.
âIt is more likely the result of prolonged strain.â
âStrain?â Sunghoon repeated.
âYes, my lord.â
The older man spoke carefully, choosing his words with respect.
âLack of proper rest. Irregular meals. A mind that does not find peace.â
He paused before continuing.
âThe body often reflects the burdens carried by the heart.â
The room fell quiet. Sunghoon did not respond immediately. He thought back over the past several weeks. Your pale complexion. The shadows beneath your eyes. The quiet way you had begun moving through the household as though weighed down by something unseen.
âYou believe this condition is caused by⊠emotional distress?â he asked.
âIt is very possible,â the physician replied.
He hesitated briefly before adding another thought.
âMy lord, your wife is known among the servants as someone diligent and gentle in her duties. Yet such individuals often carry their burdens quietly.â
Sunghoonâs gaze shifted slightly toward the curtain that separated the chamber. Beyond it, you were resting. Or perhaps simply lying awake.
âWill she recover?â he asked.
âWith proper care, yes.â
The physician bowed his head slightly.
âShe must rest more. She should eat regularly, and avoid unnecessary stress.â
Sunghoon remained silent for a long moment. The explanation felt⊠incomplete. Something about it unsettled him more than it should have. Emotional strain. Your quiet sadness in the garden beneath the moonlight returned vividly to his mind. At last, Sunghoon nodded.
âEnsure she receives whatever treatment is necessary.â
âYes, my lord.â
As the physician gathered his things to leave, he paused briefly.
âThere is one additional matter, my lord.â
Sunghoon looked toward him.
âSome months ago, I prepared a tonic for your wife.â
âA tonic?â
âYes. It was meant to strengthen the body⊠particularly for conceiving a child.â
Sunghoonâs expression remained composed, though something in his gaze shifted.
âAnd?â
The physician lowered his voice slightly.
âShe has not requested it for several weeks.â
The room grew still. For reasons he could not yet fully understand, the physicianâs words settled heavily in Sunghoonâs thoughts. Later that night, the residence had grown still.
Most of the servants had already retired, leaving the corridors dimly lit by a few lingering lanterns. Their soft glow stretched across the polished floor as the night wind moved faintly through the open lattice windows.
Sunghoon walked slowly along the corridor leading toward your chamber. He had told himself it was only to ensure that the physicianâs instructions were being followed. Nothing more.
When he reached the doorway, the curtain had been drawn slightly open. Inside, the room was quiet. You were resting in the inner chamber, the faint outline of your figure visible behind the gauze curtain that separated the sleeping space from the outer room.
Sunghoon did not enter. Instead, he remained near the threshold, his gaze drifting across the chamber. It was then that he noticed the tray. It rested on the low table beside the window, illuminated by the faint lantern light.
A porcelain bowl sat upon it. The dark liquid inside had already cooled, untouched. Sunghoon stepped closer. For a moment, he simply looked at it. The physicianâs words returned quietly to his mind.
A tonic meant to strengthen the body⊠particularly for conceiving a child.
His gaze lingered on the bowl. There were faint traces of herbs along the rim, the scent still lingering in the air. It had clearly been prepared recently. Yet no one had drunk it. He glanced briefly toward the inner chamber. You lay motionless behind the curtain, your breathing soft and even in sleep. Or perhaps you were only pretending to sleep. Sunghoon returned his attention to the bowl.
Months ago, the physician had said. Which meant you had accepted the medicine long before tonight. Before the recent weeks. Before the quiet change in your demeanor he had begun to notice. A thought formed slowly in his mind. You had been preparing yourself. Preparing for a child that had never been given the chance to exist. His hand moved slightly toward the bowl before stopping.
For a long moment, he stood there in silence. Until finally, he pushed the tray a little farther from the edge of the table, as though to prevent it from being accidentally disturbed. It was a small gesture. Almost meaningless.
Yet as he turned to leave the chamber, the weight of the untouched tonic lingered quietly in his thoughts. And for the first time, he began to wonder how many hopes you had once carried into this marriage⊠that he had never even noticed.
The following morning arrived quietly. A thin mist still lingered across the courtyard when Sunghoon stepped outside. The air was cool, carrying the faint scent of damp earth from the garden.
For a moment, he stood beneath the veranda, his gaze drifting across the familiar rows of herbs. You were not there. That, in itself, felt unusual. For many months, the garden had been where he most often found you. Kneeling among the plants, sleeves carefully drawn back as you worked the soil with patient hands.
Today, the herbs stirred gently in the morning breeze. Untended. Sunghoon descended the wooden steps slowly and walked along the narrow path between the rows. He was not particularly knowledgeable about herbs. To him, they had always been little more than plants maintained for the householdâs needs.
But as he moved farther into the garden, he noticed something he had never truly paid attention to before. The herbs were arranged carefully. Not randomly. Each section seemed deliberately separated from the others. He paused beside a row of plants with small pale blossoms. A servant who had been trimming the outer hedges noticed his presence and hurried forward, bowing respectfully.
âMy lord.â
Sunghoon gestured lightly toward the plants.
âThese herbs,â he said. âWhen were they planted?â
The servant hesitated briefly before answering.
âMy lord⊠they were planted not long after your marriage.â
Sunghoonâs gaze remained on the pale flowers swaying in the wind.
âFor what purpose?â
The servant glanced down at the plants before speaking.
âThey are used in medicines for mothers, my lord.â
Sunghoonâs expression remained composed, but something in his gaze sharpened slightly.
âMothers?â
âYes, my lord,â the servant replied carefully. âThe household physician advised her ladyship on which herbs were useful.â
He pointed quietly to several nearby rows.
âThese strengthen the body during pregnancy. And those⊠they are often used for women recovering after childbirth.â
The words settled heavily in the quiet morning air. Sunghoon did not respond immediately. His gaze moved slowly across the garden. Rows of herbs. Carefully planted. Carefully tended. For an entire year. A memory surfaced unbidden. The untouched bowl of fertility tonic on the table the night before. The physicianâs quiet explanation.
It was meant to strengthen the body⊠particularly for conceiving a child.
Sunghoon stood there in silence. When he had first seen you in this garden, he had assumed it was simply a pastime. Something you did to pass the quiet hours of the household. He had never asked. Never wondered. Yet now, looking at the carefully arranged rows before him, the purpose felt unmistakable.
You had planted them for a future you believed would come. A marriage. Children. A family that would one day fill this quiet residence. All of it had grown patiently beneath your care. While the marriage itself had remained unchanged. The morning breeze stirred the herbs once more.
For a long moment, Sunghoon said nothing. Then he turned away from the garden path. The servant bowed as he passed, but Sunghoon barely seemed to notice. His thoughts had grown unusually heavy. And as he walked back toward the residence, one quiet realization settled deeper than the others. You had entered this marriage with hope. Hope he had never truly seen. And slowly, without meaning to, he had allowed that hope to fade.
That evening, the residence was unusually quiet. The physicianâs instructions had spread quietly among the servants, and the household moved with greater care than usual. When the evening meal was prepared, a servant approached Sunghoon in the main hall.
âMy lord, shall the tray be delivered to your study as usual?â
Sunghoon paused for a moment. For nearly a year, his meals had been taken alone. It had simply become routine. Yet tonight, the thought lingered briefly in his mind.
âPrepare two settings,â he said at last.
The servant blinked in mild surprise before bowing.
âYes, my lord.â
When the meal was brought to your chamber, you looked up with quiet confusion. The low table had been set with two bowls of rice, several small dishes, and a pot of warm soup. You hesitated.
âIs there a mistake?â you asked softly.
The servant shook her head.
âMy lord instructed that you dine together this evening.â
Your fingers tightened slightly within your sleeves. A moment later, Sunghoon appeared at the doorway. The servant bowed and withdrew, leaving the two of you alone. For a brief moment, neither of you spoke. Then Sunghoon stepped inside.
âYou should eat while the food is still warm,â he said calmly.
You bowed your head slightly.
âYes, my lord.â
The two of you sat across from one another at the low table. The atmosphere was quiet, the soft clink of porcelain the only sound in the room. You lifted your chopsticks slowly, though your appetite was faint. Sunghoon noticed. Your movements were slower than usual, and after only a few bites, you set the chopsticks down.
âYou should eat more,â he said.
You lowered your gaze politely.
âI am not very hungry tonight.â
The answer was gentle. Almost apologetic. Sunghoon studied you for a moment. The physicianâs words returned to his mind.
She must eat regularly.
Without another word, he lifted the small bowl of soup and placed it closer to you.
âThe physician said warm broth will help restore your strength.â
You looked at the bowl, surprised by the gesture. It was a simple act. Something small. Yet in the year since your marriage, Sunghoon had never once placed food before you. For a moment, you did not move. Then you bowed your head slightly.
âThank you, my lord.â
You lifted the bowl and took a small sip. The soup was warm. Comforting. Across the table, Sunghoon quietly returned to his meal. But his gaze drifted toward you once more. Your pale complexion. The careful way you held the bowl. For reasons he could not easily explain, the sight unsettled him. For the first time since your marriage began, Sunghoon found himself paying attention not to the distance between youâ but to the quiet ways you had endured it.
àšà§ âââ ⥠âââ àšà§Â
Eighteen months had passed since your marriage. By outward appearances, the household remained peaceful. The residence was orderly, the servants well-managed, and the name of the family remained respected within court society. Yet beneath that calm surface, something unspoken had begun to linger.
Eighteen months. In a household of such standing, it was no small matter that no heir had yet been born. You had grown accustomed to the subtle shifts in conversation whenever other noble ladies gathered. The lingering glances. The polite smiles that carried questions never spoken aloud. On this particular afternoon, several relatives of the family had come to visit. The outer hall was filled with the quiet murmur of conversation as servants moved back and forth preparing tea.
You had been on your way to the storage room, carrying a tray of dried herbs when voices drifted from the adjoining corridor. You slowed slightly when you heard one of the elder women speaking.
âEighteen months,â she said quietly.
âIt is not a short time.â
Another voice answered in a lower tone.
âThe lady of the house has conducted herself properly. No one can deny that.â
âYes,â the first woman agreed.
âBut a household of this standing cannot remain without an heir indefinitely.â
Your fingers tightened almost imperceptibly around the tray. There was a pause before the second woman spoke again.
âHis lordship has refused the matter before.â
âThe matter of a concubine?â the first woman replied.
âYes.â
A soft sigh followed.
âPerhaps he believed time would resolve the issue. But time has already passed.â
Another voice joined the conversation.
âThe elders may raise the matter again soon.â
Your steps came to a stop. Not because you meant to listen. But because your feet simply refused to move.
âA concubine would ensure the continuation of the family line,â the woman continued matter-of-factly.
âIt would not diminish the ladyâs position.â
A faint bitterness crept into another voice.
âThat may be true in name. But everyone knows what it means when the first wife cannot provide an heir.â
Silence followed. Then someone spoke again, softer this time.
âThe poor girl. She seems gentle.â
âYes.â
âBut gentleness does not produce children.â
The words settled heavily in the quiet corridor. You stood there for a moment longer. Then, slowly, you resumed walking. Your expression remained calm. Composed. As though you had heard nothing at all. When you passed through the hall, the women greeted you with polite smiles.
âMy lady.â
You returned their bows with the same quiet grace.
âPlease continue your conversation,â you said gently.
âThere is no need to stand on my account.â
Your voice was perfectly steady. No one could have guessed that only moments earlier you had heard every word they spoke. You continued walking until the voices faded behind you. Only when you reached the empty corridor beyond did your steps slow.
Eighteen months. You had once counted the passing months with quiet hope. Now you no longer counted them at all. Because hope, you had learned, could grow very tired when it was the only thing holding a marriage together.
In the months following the physicianâs visit, Sunghoon found himself coming to your chamber more often. At first, he told himself it was simply to ensure your health had improved. The physician had spoken clearlyâyour body had grown weak from prolonged emotional strain. It would take time for you to recover.
So he visited. Sometimes in the late morning. Sometimes after returning from court. Each time, he asked the same question.
âAre you feeling better today?â
And each time, you answered the same way.
âYes, my lord.â
Your tone was gentle. Respectful. Yet something had undeniably changed. The quiet warmth that once lingered in your presence had faded. You no longer prepared tea for him in the evenings. The tray that had once been left outside his study door no longer appeared.Even the gardenâonce tended so carefullyâhad begun to show small signs of neglect.
The herbs remained alive, but the soil had not been turned in quite some time. At first, Sunghoon told himself you were simply resting. But as the weeks quietly passed, the absence of your small habits began to weigh on his mind more than he expected.
It was a strange thing to notice. He had once believed those gestures unnecessary. Yet now their absence made the residence feel⊠quieter. Emptier. One evening, as dusk settled over the residence, he came to your chamber again. You were seated near the low table, folding a piece of cloth with slow, deliberate movements.
When he entered, you immediately rose.
âMy lord.â
You bowed politely. Sunghoon inclined his head.
âYou may sit.â
You obeyed without hesitation. For a moment, neither of you spoke. The lantern between you cast a quiet golden light across the room. Sunghoon studied you carefully. Your complexion had grown noticeably paler. There was a faint weariness in your movements that had not been there before. At last, he spoke.
âThe physician says you have not been drinking the tonic.â
Your hands stilled.
âYes, my lord.â
âWhy?â
The question lingered in the air. You did not answer immediately. Instead, your fingers resumed folding the cloth slowly, as though the task required careful attention. Sunghoon watched you for a moment longer before speaking again.
âHave you truly abandoned the hope of this marriage?â
The question settled quietly in the space between you.
For a moment, you said nothing. Your fingers tightened slowly around the cloth resting in your lap. Something stirred painfully in your chest. At first, you tried to hold it back. You lowered your gaze, drawing in a slow breath as though steadying yourself. But the words echoed again in your mind.
Abandoned hope.
A faint, shaky breath escaped you. When you finally spoke, your voice was softer than usual.
âMy lord⊠do you truly wish to ask me that?â
Sunghoonâs expression remained composed.
âI am asking sincerely.â
Something inside you cracked. Your head lifted. For the first time in many months, the careful calm you always maintained before him began to unravel.
âYou ask whether I have abandoned hope,â you said quietly.
Your fingers curled tighter around the fabric.
âMy lord⊠hope was the only thing I had.â
Your voice trembled now despite your effort to keep it steady.
âI entered this household believing that if I was patient enough⊠if I fulfilled my duties properly⊠perhaps one day you might look at me and see your wife.â
You drew in a breath that felt too tight in your chest.
âI waited for you.â
The words came out before you could stop them.
âI prepared tea outside your study every evening.â
âI waited during meals even when you did not come.â
âI tended the garden because the physician once said the herbs would be useful for childbirth.â
Your gaze finally lifted to meet his. Your eyes glistened, but this time you did not look away.
âI drank the tonic because I believed we might one day become a family.â
The silence in the room grew heavier with each word.
âBut you never once came to me as a husband.â
The statement was not loud. But it struck harder than anger ever could.
âYou were always kind.â
âAlways polite.â
âAlways distant.â
A tear slipped down your cheek, but your voice continued, strained now with the emotion you had kept buried for so long.
âAnd now⊠after all this time⊠you ask if I have abandoned hope.â
Your breath trembled.
âMy lord⊠hope cannot survive forever when it is the only thing keeping a marriage alive.â
The lantern flame flickered softly between you. For eighteen months you had spoken carefully, gently, respectfully. But tonight the truth had finally slipped free.
âI stopped drinking the tonic,â you said quietly.
âBecause I finally understood something.â
Sunghoonâs voice was lower now.
âWhat did you understand?â
Your answer came slowly.
âThat a child deserves to be born into a family where both parents wished for them.â
You lowered your gaze again.
âAnd I cannot bring a child into a marriage where their father never wanted the marriage that created them.â
The room fell completely silent. Your hands rested quietly in your lap now. The anger had passed. Leaving only exhaustion behind.
âIf the elders decide a concubine is necessary,â you continued softly, âI will not oppose it.â
âThe family line must continue.â
For the first time since your marriage began, the truth between you had finally been spoken without restraint. And the quiet that followed felt heavier than anything either of you had said.
The room fell silent after your final words. The lantern flame flickered softly between you, casting long shadows against the walls. For a moment, neither of you spoke. Sunghoon remained seated where he was, his gaze fixed on you as though he had not expected the truth to sound quite so heavy when spoken aloud.
You, meanwhile, had grown very still. The anger that had briefly surfaced had already begun to fade, leaving only quiet exhaustion behind. Slowly, you lowered your head.
âMy lord,â you said softly.
âIf you will excuse me.â
You rose from your seat with careful composure, smoothing the fabric of your hanbok as you did. Your movements were calm. Measured. As though nothing significant had just passed between you. But Sunghoon felt the shift immediately. For eighteen months, you had always remained. Even in silence. Even in disappointment. You stayed. You waited. But now, as you stepped past the low table toward the door, it felt unmistakably like you were leaving something behind.
Something final.
Your fingers had just brushed the wooden frame of the door when a sudden warmth closed gently around your wrist.
You froze.
The contact startled you. Sunghoon seemed almost as surprised as you were. His hand had moved before his thoughts had caught up with it. For eighteen months he had been careful. Careful not to cross the distance he had placed between the two of you. Careful not to treat you as a wife when the marriage itself had never been his choice. Yet now his hand remained around your wrist, firm enough to stop you.
âMy lordâŠ?â you murmured softly.
Your heart had begun to beat faster, though you could not quite understand why. Sunghoon did not immediately release you. His grip was not harsh. But it carried a quiet urgency you had never felt from him before. For a moment, he said nothing. His eyes rested on your back, as though he was searching for words that did not come easily.
âI did not realize,â he said at last.
His voice was lower than usual. There was something unsettled within it. Your fingers trembled faintly in his grasp.
âMy lord,â you said gently, âthere is nothing more to say.â
Sunghoonâs hand tightened slightly before loosening again.
âYou believe I never wished for this marriage.â
You remained silent. Because the truth of that belief had already been spoken. He drew in a slow breath.
âWhen this marriage was arranged⊠I believed it would be unfair to you.â
Your brows knit faintly.
âI thought that if I kept my distance⊠if I did not treat you as a wifeâŠâ
His voice faltered slightly.
ââŠthen perhaps you would not be forced to live in a marriage without affection.â
The explanation hung awkwardly in the air. For a long moment, you simply stared at him.
âMy lord,â you whispered at last.
âThat is exactly the marriage I have been living.â
The words struck him harder than your earlier anger. Sunghoonâs hand loosened immediately. But even then, he did not pull away at once. For a brief moment longer, his fingers remained around your wrist. Warm. Unfamiliar. Then slowly⊠he released you. The absence of his touch felt strangely noticeable. You lowered your hand, regaining your composure.
âMy lord should rest,â you said quietly.
Your voice had returned to the calm politeness you had always used with him. But now that distance felt different. Not patient. Not hopeful. Only quiet. You bowed your head before stepping out of the chamber. Sunghoon remained standing where he was. The room had grown silent once more. Yet his gaze lingered on the doorway long after you had disappeared.
Because for the first time since your marriage began, he felt something deeply unsettling settle in his chest. For eighteen months, you had waited for him. And now⊠it seemed you had finally stopped.
àšà§ âââ ⥠âââ àšà§Â
The evening sky had grown dark much earlier than usual. Heavy clouds had gathered throughout the afternoon, and by nightfall the rain began to fall steadily across the residence. You had not intended to remain outside for long. Earlier that evening, you had been walking slowly along the outer corridor, intending only to check on the servants closing the garden gates before returning to your chamber.
But before you had reached the main residence again, the rain had suddenly grown heavier. The sound of it striking the tiled roofs filled the courtyard. With little choice, you stepped beneath the shelter of a small pavilion that stood beside the stone path. The wooden beams offered enough cover to keep you dry. Still, the air had grown cold. You folded your hands together inside the long sleeves of your hanbok, watching the rain fall quietly across the dark garden. Moments passed. Perhaps longer.
You had begun to think you were alone when the sound of footsteps approached along the corridor. You turned slightly. Sunghoon appeared through the curtain of rain, his figure faintly illuminated by the lanterns hanging along the walkway. He had likely been returning from his study. When he noticed you standing beneath the pavilion, his steps slowed. For a brief moment, he seemed surprised. Then he stepped under the shelter as well.
âMy lord,â you greeted softly, bowing your head.
Sunghoon inclined his head in return.
âYou are still outside at this hour.â
âThe rain came rather suddenly,â you replied.
Your voice was calm. Polite. As it always had been. For a while, neither of you spoke again. The rain continued to fall heavily beyond the pavilion, striking the stone courtyard with a steady rhythm. The air between you felt unfamiliar. Not hostile. Just⊠uncertain. You remained standing near the edge of the pavilion, your gaze fixed on the rain. But after a few moments, Sunghoon noticed something.
Your shoulders had drawn slightly inward. Your hands were hidden within your sleeves, but the faint tremor in your posture was difficult to miss.
âYou are cold,â he said quietly.
You shook your head lightly.
âIt is nothing, my lord.â
Yet the night wind swept through the open pavilion again, carrying the damp chill of the rain with it. Without another word, Sunghoon removed the outer robe draped over his shoulders. You noticed the movement only when the fabric suddenly settled gently across your own. Startled, you looked up.
âMy lordââ
âYou should wear it.â
His tone was calm. But there was a quiet firmness in it. You hesitated.
âIt would not be appropriate.â
âThe night is cold,â he said simply.
You fell silent. The robe was still warm from his body. For a moment you did not know what to do with your hands. At last, you bowed your head slightly.
ââŠThank you, my lord.â
The two of you remained standing there as the rain continued to fall. The distance between you was no more than a few steps. Closer than you had ever stood before in all the months of your marriage. Neither of you spoke. But something about the quiet felt different now. Not empty. Just uncertain. Sunghoonâs gaze drifted briefly toward you. The robe looked almost too large around your shoulders. And for reasons he could not quite explain, the sight made something shift quietly in his chest.
For eighteen months he had kept careful distance between the two of you. Yet tonight, standing beneath the same small pavilion while the rain fell endlessly beyond its roof, the space between you no longer felt quite as natural as it once had. Outside, the rain showed no sign of stopping. And for the first time since your marriage began, neither of you seemed eager to leave.
The rain did not stop for quite some time. It fell steadily beyond the pavilion, the sound soft but constant as it struck the stone paths and the leaves of the garden trees. You remained where you stood, the robe still draped carefully around your shoulders.
Its warmth felt unfamiliar. Sunghoon stood a short distance away, his gaze occasionally drifting toward the rain as though waiting for it to ease. At last, the downpour began to soften. The heavy curtain of rain slowly thinned until only a light drizzle remained. The courtyard beyond the pavilion glistened beneath the lantern light. You shifted slightly.
âIt seems the rain has lessened,â you said quietly.
Sunghoon nodded once.
âYes.â
You gently adjusted the robe around your shoulders before bowing your head.
âThank you for your kindness earlier, my lord.â
You moved to remove the robe, intending to return it to him. But before you could lift it from your shoulders, Sunghoon spoke.
âYou may keep it until you return indoors.â
Your hands paused.
âIt is not far,â you replied softly.
âThe night air is still cold.â
His tone remained calm. Not commanding. Simply certain. You hesitated only a moment before lowering your hands again.
ââŠVery well.â
Together, the two of you stepped out from beneath the pavilion. The stone path was damp beneath your feet, reflecting the lantern light in faint ripples. You walked slowly along the corridor leading toward the inner residence. For a while, neither of you spoke. The quiet felt almost fragile. Yet the distance between you was different now. Sunghoon walked beside you rather than ahead. Close enough that you could hear the faint rustle of his clothing as he moved. It was such a small thing. But it felt unfamiliar.
When you reached the entrance of the inner quarters, you finally stopped.
âMy chamber is just beyond this corridor,â you said softly.
Sunghoon nodded. For a brief moment, neither of you moved. Then you turned slightly toward him. Carefully, you slipped the robe from your shoulders and held it out with both hands.
âThank you, my lord.â
Sunghoon accepted it. But instead of leaving immediately, his gaze lingered on you for a moment longer than usual. The lantern light illuminated your face softly. You looked tired. Still pale. Yet calmer than you had been in many weeks.
ââŠYou should rest,â he said at last.
âYes, my lord.â
You bowed your head. Then you turned and began walking down the corridor toward your chamber. Sunghoon remained standing where he was. Watching. The robe still rested loosely in his hands. It was only when your figure disappeared behind the sliding door that he finally moved again.
For eighteen months, distance had always felt natural between the two of you. Necessary, even. But tonight, walking beside you through the quiet courtyard, he had realized something he had not expected. The distance he had kept so carefullyâŠno longer felt like the right thing to maintain.
àšà§ âââ ⥠âââ àšà§
Several days later, an invitation arrived from the royal court. A lantern rite was to be held at one of the great temples near the capitalâa ceremony attended by many noble families to pray for prosperity and peace within the kingdom. Attendance was considered both an honor and an obligation.
On the evening of the event, the temple grounds were already glowing with hundreds of lanterns when the carriages arrived. Soft light flickered across the stone courtyards, illuminating rows of colorful paper lanterns swaying gently in the night breeze. The air smelled faintly of incense. You stepped down from the carriage carefully, your hands folded neatly within your sleeves.Â
Sunghoon followed a moment later. As was customary, you walked beside him toward the temple courtyard. Not touching. But close enough to be seen together. Noble families filled the grounds. Ladies in elegant hanbok moved gracefully between lantern displays while children ran excitedly along the paths.
The quiet sound of laughter drifted through the air. You noticed it almost immediately. A young couple standing near one of the lantern trees. The woman held a small child in her arms while her husband carefully helped the boy hang a lantern from the wooden frame. The child clapped happily as the lantern swayed above him.
For a brief moment, your steps slowed. It was such a simple sight. Yet something in your chest tightened unexpectedly. You lowered your gaze and continued walking. Sunghoon noticed. He had not intended to watch you so closely tonight. But lately, he found himself noticing things he had once ignored. The way your attention lingered briefly on the child. The way your expression softened before quickly returning to its usual calm. Further along the courtyard, another noblewoman greeted you warmly.
âMy lady, it has been some time.â
You bowed politely in return.
âYes, it has.â
The woman smiled kindly.
âAnd how has married life been treating you?â
The question was harmless on the surface. Yet both of you knew what it truly meant. Your answer came smoothly.
âThe household has been peaceful.â
Sunghoon stood beside you in silence. But for the first time, the polite exchange left an uncomfortable weight in his chest. As the ceremony began, the temple bells rang softly through the courtyard. People stepped forward one by one to hang their lanternsâeach lantern carrying a written wish or prayer. You stepped forward as well. The monk handed you a small brush. After a brief pause, you wrote quietly across the lantern paper. Then you hung it among the others. The lantern swayed gently in the evening breeze. Sunghoon approached a moment later. His gaze lingered briefly on the characters you had written. Your prayer was simple.
Peace for this household.
Nothing more. No mention of children. No mention of hope. For reasons he could not quite explain, the sight left an unfamiliar ache in his chest. Nearby, a young husband carefully adjusted the lantern his wife had hung, steadying it when the wind blew too strongly. Without thinking, Sunghoonâs gaze shifted back to you.Â
You stood quietly among the lantern light, your expression calm as always. Yet suddenly he realized something. In all the months of your marriage⊠he had never once stood beside you like that. And the thought unsettled him more than he expected.
Lanterns continued drifting slowly along the dark surface of the river. Their soft glow moved gently with the current, carrying the prayers of countless people into the night. You had already stepped back from the waterâs edge, watching the lantern you released slowly disappear among the others.
Nearby, attendants were still handing out small wooden lanterns to those who wished to send their own prayers. Sunghoon stood quietly for a moment longer. Then, without saying anything, he approached the table where the lanterns were placed. You noticed the movement from the corner of your eye.
It surprised you slightly. You had not expected him to participate. The attendant handed him a lantern and a small brush dipped in ink. Sunghoon held the brush for a moment, staring down at the blank surface of the paper. For a long time, he did not write. The river continued to glow softly beside him. And your earlier words returned to his mind without invitation.
Hope cannot live forever when it is the only thing keeping a marriage alive.
His grip on the brush tightened slightly. Slowly, he lowered it to the paper. The characters he wrote were simple. Not elaborate. But deliberate.
May I learn to be a better husband.
When he finished, he stood still for a moment. Then he carried the lantern to the waterâs edge. You watched quietly as he knelt beside the river. The lantern touched the surface gently before drifting away with the current. For a brief moment, the small flame illuminated his expression.
Thoughtful. Unusually serious. When he stood again, you spoke softly.
âMy lord made a wish as well?â
Sunghoon turned slightly toward you.
âYes.â
You tilted your head slightly.
âMay I ask what you prayed for?â
There was no teasing in your voice. Only quiet curiosity. Sunghoon looked toward the river again. His lantern had already begun drifting among the others.
ââŠFor this household,â he said after a moment.
âThat things may improve.â
You studied him briefly. Then you nodded once.
âThat is a good wish.â
Your answer was gentle. But simple. You did not ask further. Did not linger on the moment. And somehow that made the quiet between you feel heavier. Because for the first time since your marriage began, Sunghoon realized something he had not expected. He did not only wish for peace anymore. He wanted the marriage itself to change.
And for the first time⊠he was willing to try.
A/N : i just watched pursuit of jade and thought Linghe looks really good with traditional clothes, and i think Sunghoon remind me of him in some way, so i thought why not write something with traditional themes? Also, sorry if some the description may not accurate
Genre: fluff, smut, angst, FWB to idiots to lovers
warnings: Â cumshot/facial, unprotected sex, multiple sex scenes, oral sex (m & f receiving), rough sex, breath play (choking), mentions of exhibitionism, face fucking, virgin wonwoo mentions, idiots in love, edging (emotionally), impact play, sir kink (brief), alcohol consumption
Length: ~19.5k
Note: thank you to @gyuswhore my love, my life, for suffering through this with me. this fic is set in the same universe as her gyu fic for this collab so check it out (threat). also thank u @haologram and everyone else who beta'd this for me bc im sensitive. follow @camandemstudios for more fics!!! i will come back later and tag the people who commented on the teaser but rn im getting day drunk hehehe
summary: Senior year of college is meant to be full of celebration and smooth sailing. Years of work culminating in the final semesters that will send you off into the real world where clubs, sports, and weekends packed with hungover volunteering to pad your resume no longer mattered. Itâd be a piece of cake if it wasnât for your fuck buddy turned coworker having the same plan. But only one of you can get the departmentâs most coveted recommendation that all but guarantees your acceptance. Tension rises and the nearly four year thing youâve had with Wonwoo approaches its endpoint.
collab m.list || m.list
This blog is intended for 18+ only! Minors/blank blogs will be blocked.
âWhatâs the difference between a proton and an electron again?â
âShoot me in the fucking head,â Wonwoo whispers harshly.
Heâs a seat over, a laptop covered in gaming stickers and a coffee cup containing a lethal amount of caffeine occupying the space atop the narrow lecture desk. Itâs a feign to productivity. His screen is split between thesis notes and a countdown to a new video game release that unfortunately hits 0 in the middle of lecture.Â
Dr. Wagnerâs intro to chemistry course isnât difficult â freshman aside â which is why you and Wonwoo agreed to be her teaching assistants. Easy money and a way to get in her good graces come grad school application season. Youâve TAâed the same course since sophomore year for different professors but itâs all the same; the metaphorical killing field before hopeful freshmen become cannon fodder in the real trial of will: O Chem.Â
âMe first,â you whisper back.Â
Wonwoo slumps in his chair, opening the shared drive keeping track of problem areas to touch on in lab hours, and typing âcheck for basic brain activityâ under the class To-Do list.Â
Fair enough. If they canât understand the basics this far into the semester then you two are in for a world of hurt for the next practical. You're in for a world of hurt come next study hall when half of them will complain about failing their quiz this morning despite having the answers spoon fed straight from the notes.
[09:48] You:Â be nice
[09:48] wonwoo: if they were smarter, id be nicer
[09:48] You: maybe theyâre scared stupid
It wouldnât be too far off. One time a freshman burst into tears while asking Wonwoo to check their practice work during lab hours. Wonwoo swears he didnât say anything and the kid looked on the verge of a mental breakdown if the wind blew the wrong way.
[09:48] wonwoo: from what?
[09:48] You: the fact ur trying to kill them with your mind
[09:49 ]wonwoo : i wouldnât kill them
[09:49] wonwoo: just maim or seriously injure so they dont come to class and say dumb shit
Dr. Wagner fields more questions in front of the powerpoint. More âdumb shitâ Wonwoo rolls his eyes at with such obvious disgust even you feel chastised. Luckily, no one can see his face from the front row besides you.
[09:49] You: you wonder why they like me more
[09:50] wonwoo: i know why they like you more
[09:50] You: oh?
Stifling an eye roll of your own you throw a glance his way as the next message comes through,
[09:50] wonwoo: nice ass
âAlright, Y/N and Wonwoo will be passing out the study guide for the next exam. We still have a few weeks so donât worry about the back half but try and review the modules weâve done so far and bring questions for them during study hours,â Dr. Wagner prattles off.
The gigantic stack of printouts is split in half for you and Wonwoo to disperse around the massive lecture hall. Over one hundred students sit in this lecture; the unfortunate ones who were forced to take a 9 AM course three days a week. Half look like their brain is melting out of their ears, otherâs clearly havenât paid attention at all, and a few are sound asleep. Itâs Friday after all. They probably didnât get back from their Thirsty Thursday night out until a few hours ago.
You wouldnât even be here if Wonwoo wasnât a built in insurance policy.
Dr. Wagner collects her things and heads towards the front exit with a cheery, âHave a good weekend!â
âThere's a party at Sigma tonight,â Wonwoo shares as you both pack your own bags. The next class is already shuffling through the doors to claim their seats.
âI have work until eleven.â
âAfter?â
Shouldering your bag, you head towards the door where the next class is already trickling in to find their seats. âDonât you have a tournament tomorrow?â
âI only have to be at the party for like an hour. I can come and walk you home.â
âFine,â you nod. âBut bring your laptop. I think Chan fucked up the last set of results and we need to fix them.â
Itâs not unusual for Wonwoo to spend his Friday nights with you; or another night for that matter. He lives in a dingy frat house on the edge of campus with twenty other guys. Itâs an act of mercy. A long standing tradition from the week before freshman year when you two were the only chemistry majors in your orientation group and that turned into a clumsy hook up at an upperclassmanâs party. You didnât know heâd be a virgin and he didnât know your high school boyfriend dumped you less than twenty four hours before you left for college (but not before you lost your own virginity in the backseat of his car).Â
Itâd beenâŠnot good.Â
Wonwoo was awkward and you were unsure. But he was sweet under the bravado; walked you home that night, pretended he wasnât interested in the fact your roommate never moved in, leaving the suite empty. But he wasnât a good enough actor to feign nonchalance when you invited him upstairs. Turns out sex was a lot better the second time around, in a bed that didnât belong to an unknown upperclassman who couldâve burst in any minute.Â
Wonwoo isnât your boyfriend. Youâre too busy piecing together the ten year plan concocted since junior year of highschool to even think about such frilly ideas. Thereâs barely enough time as it is; youâve got work, a full class schedule, TAing, and all the random clubs youâve wiggled your way into to pad your resume.Â
And heâs busy too. Navigating a sports scholarship and one of the hardest majors left barely enough time for him to wipe his own ass, let alone date. Then came research hours and TAing and the fact volleyball, apparently, wasnât just a one semester sport, there were scrimmages, workouts, and tournaments out of season.Â
Itâs been over three years of your arrangement which works best because you donât have to spend precious brain power deciphering if some random guy you went out with once is playing hard to get or just straight up not interested. You have Wonwoo. Heâs simple.Â
So what you have now, friends. Who hook up. And work together. Who also happens to be applying for the same PhD program for next year. Not together but at the same time.
The application website stares back from your laptop with horror.Â
Itâs still too early to submit any materials but itâs been highlighted in bold red in your calendar since two years ago. Everything is ready to go the second it opensâexcept Dr. Wagnerâs recommendation. Itâs the sole reason you (and Wonwoo) agreed to be her TAs this semester; sheâs one of the programâs most notorious alum, her words as good as gold in securing a spot.Â
Someone hacks a cough and shatters the eerie silence of the library. The backtrack of sparse typing and the custodian shuffling around to have been the only company throughout your shift. No one would choose to rot at any of the weathered study tables late on a Friday night so early in the semester.Â
With the abundance of free time, you fixed Chanâs mistakes in his set of trials easily, no thanks to Wonwoo who still hasnât shown up. Itâs good though. Your stoichiometry homework is submitted three days before the deadline and the mountain of emails clogging your inbox from hopeless undergrads is in the single digits. Half the labs from last week are graded for Dr. Wagnerâs approval, the other half can wait until Sunday night. A long weekend of sleep awaits once the clock hits eleven and youâre free to run home.
Wonwoo stumbless in five minutes before the clock runs out. His duffle for tomorrow is slung over his shoulder and heâs already dressed for bed, rumpled sweats and a hat he definitely wore to the party with high hopes to cut out early.Â
âYouâre late,â you acknowledge, cramming your belongings back into your bag. Heâs close enough to get a whiff of. âAnd youâre drunk.â
âI am not drunk,â he argues.
The lazy smile tugging at the corner of his lips says otherwise but it isnât an argument worth having. All you want to do is get home and pass out.
He shoulders you bag, presenting his hand when you insist you can carry it on your own. The dry warm of his palm against your cold is pleasant enough you donât argue as you tug him towards the automatic doors.
âHave a goodnight, Mr. Lee,â you call towards the security desk.
The guard, old enough to be your grandfather, calls back, âYou too, sweetheart.â
Out in the balmy night, you tug Wonwoo down the street in the direction of your apartment. Two blocks and then a right turn leaving you outside the dowdy building with hallways that constantly reek of weed and new paint smell.
A pack of freshmen girls heading somewhere, marked by their matching uniform of jeans and black tops of various coverage, crowd the sidewalk straight ahead. Someone is crying, one is on the phone, and a few others stand dumbly waiting for their next movie like zombies â all incredibly wasted. You barrel through them without acknowledgement. A few drunken bitter âbitchâs hit your back but you ignore them to focus on the man struggling to push through the crowd without accidentally shoulder checking any of them.
On the other side, you ask, âHave fun at the party?â
âSome pledge puked on Jihoonâs stuff,â he huffs, nose scrunching.
âMay he rest in peace.â
Wonwoo sways from side to side from the weight of your bag but also whatever radioactive mix was served at the party. The stairs provide an extra challenge since the elevator has been broken for weeks but thankfully itâs a short trip to the second floor.
He presents your belongings with routine ease once the front door of your apartment looms ahead. Music from the floor above shakes the walls; hopefully you can make up for the lack of sleep tomorrow morning.
There isnât much space inside the four walls you call home â the âkitchenâ which is a single counter with a stove and fridge youâre barely around to use, fifteen feet away your bed in the corner, bordered by your desk at the foot cramped with a spray of errant papers and books youâve been too busy to deal with. The monitor doubles as a TV and finally a tiny loveseat with a broken leg replaced by a stack of hard covers completes the room.
You beeline for the bathroom to wash away the filth of a long day and Wonwoo, keeping on trend, follows into the cramped space.
âCan I help you?â you ask, shirt tossed into the bin in the corner.
Wonwooâs shirt goes the same and then his pants after a brief struggle. âYou know I sleep better when I shower.âÂ
True.
âAnd I doubt you're gonna let me in your bed if Iâm dirty.â
Even truer.
The water is still cold when you step in but the man glued to your back fights the worst of the chill away. Goosebumps prickle along your skin but have nothing to do with the vent that points directly into the stall (whoever designed the apartments must have had a sick sense of humor) and everything to do with Wonwooâs mouth tracing the curve of your shoulder.
Forcing the heat blooming between your legs down to a simmer, you focus on washing up and getting into bed before it rolls into a boil and you do something stupid thatâll only leave you and Wonwoo struggling for balance.Â
Shower sex is a dangerous sport. Shower sex with Wonwoo has left you both with bruises. Drunken shower sex with Wonwoo will get you both killed.
Soft hums tickle your neck as you clean up. There isnât enough room for two people to stand in the spray at once so you take turns hogging the steamy water and braving the frigid cold until the last bits of soap swirl the drain.
Even when drying off you stay in each otherâs orbit until the need for clothes and sleep drive you both out of the bathroom and back into the equally cramped space of your room.
Itâs not until youâre laying on the mattress, darkness snug on all sides, that you feel Wonwoo roll atop you with purpose.
âWhat are you doing?â
âNothing,â Wonwoo hums into your stomach, fingers crawling up your bare legs.
âThat,â you inhale at the nip of his teeth on the curve of your thigh, âdoesnât feel like nothing to me.â
Wonwoo doesnât answer but gives you plenty of time to brush him off while bruising your skin. You donât. Instead you sink deeper into the blankets and let him push your shirt up until you're bare once more.
The fuzziness of alcohol lingers in his veins â just enough that he smiles into the strip of skin above your panties as you sigh and arch under the delicious weight of wandering hands and mouth at your nipple.
âWonwoo,â you sigh and heâs up and kissing you with eager clumsiness.
A familiar prod at your core through his boxers crashes bubbles through your veins. You felt it in the bathroom but now is when you finally get to indulge with subtle grinds Wonwoo meets in his own search for friction.Â
âDonât you need to be upâughâearly tomorrow?â
He kisses you slowly, tongue dragging along your bottom lip until your mouth opens under his. It burns you from the inside out. Mindlessly you shift your legs to frame his hips better but Wonwoo kisses deeper and all you can think about is giving in to whatever scheme heâs working up to have you both naked and panting.
He leans back a fraction to speak, giving in when you chase his lips before ducking to nip at your ear and mumbling a response. âDonât worry about it.â
âI will worry about it when you snooze twenty alarms and your team hunts me down because I smothered their star player with a pillow,â you snort but heat under a squeeze of his fingers at your sides.
âSleep when Iâm done with this.â
âAnd what is âthisâ exactly?â
A harsh suck at your jaw has your stomach tight. heavy and thick until need drips down your spine to coil in your gut and the emptiness between your thighs becomes unignorable. He hides pleased groans in the curve of your neck until you force a hand under the band of his underwear. Eyes opening, you watch the muscles of his back tense and flex as he rocks against you, fucking your fist greedily.
It doesnât last long. Wonwoo gets antsy under the taunting pressure of your thumb and descends back down your body with burning lips. âTake your shirt off.â
âItâs cold,â you complain but do as he asks.Â
He traces your figure clad in nothing but your glasses and a soiled pair of panties; damp at the crotch from his attention and Wonwoo slips a finger under the hem to tease you that inch closure to depravity.
Wonwoo laves against the hickey on the inside of your thigh from a week ago, itâs yellowed and perfectly shaped like his mouth. Itâs tender under his attention, even the gentle tracing on his nose forcing you to wince in discomfort.Â
He coos, kissing it before skating back to the hem of your panties, lips vibrating against your skin. âSorry I didnât come earlier.â
Why he brings it up now is a mystery. Or the fact he brings it up at all. Life happens. Youâve blown him off more than once for a late night in the library; no hard feelings.
âItâs fine,â you sigh as he tugs the last scrap of fabric off your body and pushes your knees up to display you like a meal.
Spreading you apart, he lands a wet kiss at your entrance before teasing with the heat of his tongue.Â
In a beg for sanity you twist a tight grip in his hair; a tangled mess from his drunk endeavors. Wonwoo pushes harder, drowns in your taste with enthusiasm as you moan and sigh.Â
âF-fuck.â
He wonât ask if itâs good. He knows it is. Nearly four years of hook ups attunes him to your pleasure, a well rehearsed routine that has you both ache in the best way.Â
You lose yourself in shaking breaths, feet planted to drive up into his mouth for more. He sucks your clit and nearly gets his head crushed by your thighs. It doesnât take much and he knows it.Â
You chant âgonna cumâ in choked groans that almost die at the edge of your teeth but Wonwoo hears and takes it as permission to pull out the stops, hand at your thing with a harsh grip and fingers sinking home.
Heâs memorized all the signs of your want; the wrecked echo of your throat and the sounds he pulls from you a clear tell. He flattens his tongue, holding steady as grind straight into mindless bliss. Spit pools and drips and slips down onto the sheets. Wonwoo hums praise, unintelligible but you vaguely know itâs something thatâd make you blush you could hear it over the pounding in your ears.
Back arching, your vision flares white at the edges and when Wonwoo realizes what's happening he makes it last until your fist ball up and youâre floating.
Wonwoo backs down as you twitch through the tail end, sloppy kisses to your clit that could knock into another fit if he isnât careful. But even as you tremble the only thing you want is the weight of his cock in your mouth, or inside you. You arenât picky as long as you get to feel him cum too.
You finally manage to pry Wonwoo from between your legs with an ankle to his ribs. Youâre not done with him despite the fatigue hanging around your shoulders like dead weight. He angles over top of you for a kiss that tastes too much like pussy for your liking but itâs hot knowing heâs covered in you so you push until his shoulders meet the sheets and you can claim his lap.
His dick strains through his underwear, preening when you rock back into the heat. His nostrils flare when you grab for it, stiff enough to sink onto easily.Â
âOh god,â he groans, head digging back into the pillows to watch you like a goddess.
His fingers web across the tops of your thighs, a harsh grip keeping you flat as he grinds up into the wet heat of your pussy. You whimper and sigh for him; all the sounds he loves to hear. You squeeze your chest, taut nipples framed between the slants of your fingers to entice him until he reaches around and knocks you forward for the sole purpose of taking one in his mouth.
Your eyes roll back, jaw locked open, drowning in the stretch and the bite of his mouth and the hands squeezing your ass so hard it hurts. Wonwoo groans, throaty and desperate. âGonna cum. Wanna cum in you. Holy shit.â
He gets you on your back. Too absorbed in his own end, heâs dead weight with his tongue between your lips and harsh thrusts that take him right to the edge. It gives that grit against your clit that means youâll come too, soaked in cum and spit and sweat.
You wish heâd flip you on your front and fuck you with a hand between you shoulder blades and the other tangled in your hair. Thatâs the kind of fuck thatâd leave you satisfied the entire weekend heâs busy but heâs running out of steam just doing this, picking up speed in his thrust, the clap of bodies filling the room.
Chanting his name like a broken record, âWonwoo, Wonwoo, Wonwooâ breathy but loud enough your neighbors will leave another passive aggressive note on your door come morning, all you can think about is his cum. On you, in you. A sick part wants him to pull out and cum on your face â he hasnât, not in a long time because priorities and responsibilities and you're usually lucky to have even five minutes alone before someone needs either of you. But you want it. God do you want it.
âCum on my face,â you whimper. Thereâs drool on your lips and sweat in your hairline. Even if he doesn't, you'll need another shower anyway.
A strangled noise escapes from between his teeth at your neck. Then heâs driving forward so hard you burn; painfully so, mouth locked in a silent choke. Your orgasm rips through your insides, jagged at the edges where Wonwoo fucks himself into your guts.Â
âFuck yeah,â he grunts, pulling away and replacing the grip of your pussy with a tight fist as he straddles your chest.Â
The taste of cock floods your tongue, heady and intoxicating. You get one, two drags against the stiff head and then heâs cumming, dripping his spend over your lips, then your cheek, then your glasses because heâs a sick freak. Even in the dim light from the window he twitches at the sight. You open your mouth and replace his hold, moaning as more comes to the surface. You swallow down as far as heâll go which isnât much in this position but itâs the thought that counts.
Wonwoo grinds to halt with an occasional kick of his hips that leaves you choking â rigid limbs locking in place until he melts with sticky satisfaction.Â
Heâs up and off, your glasses in hand for a thorough cleaning, not even bothering to flick on any of the lights but you hear the sink running in the bathroom before he comes padding back.
âGod,â you whimper in disgust. âThatâs so gross.â
âYouâre the one who asked for it,â Wonwoo snorts, soft passes of a damp cloth on your skin focused on getting you clean enough to sleep.
âBecause itâs hot but you aim for shit.â
Wonwoo tosses the rag somewhere, flopping down and pulling you close as possible with a kiss on your forehead. âNext time Iâll aim for your hair.â
âBitch.â
The sound of music from upstairs pulses through your head as you drift off, Wonwoo asleep on your chest, fingers laced together on the sheets beside your indecipherably intertwined bodies.
Your week is divided into a simple pattern. Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays you wake bright and early to attend Dr. Wagnerâs chem lecture and then stay on campus attending every other class you could find to fill the gap between your evening shift at the library. Tuesdays and Thursdays are void of responsibility until your afternoon lab with the freshman near tears while learning basic titration for four hours, followed by office hours where said freshman finally come to actually cry about their grades. Those are the nights you, Chan, Wonwoo and a handful of other lab techs work on research that carries the same threat of waterworks.Â
Itâs there Dr. Wagner pulls you and Wonwoo aside.
âI know you both are applying to Dr. Collins lab for your PhD studies,â she starts.Â
Her office reflects the same disarray as her personality; warm and lived in. Papers and exams are organized in chaos, thick stacks lining her desk waiting for you and Wonwoo to enter them into the online grade book. Books, some leather, some paperback, some the glossy cover of a textbook with cracked spines and yellowing pages are crammed into the bookshelves lining the walls until they threaten to collapse from the weight. It smells like coffee, plants, and the candle she always has burning. Itâs a cozy hovel overlooking the rear courtyard of the science building that resembles the sterility of a hospital.Â
Wonwoo occupies the other barrel chair with worn upholstery. Youâve barely seen him in the past three weeks, too busy with volunteering and working and classes while his own responsibilities keep him so exhausted itâs truly a miracle heâs even here. Dark stains ring his eyes beneath his glasses and he looks paler than usual. Youâll ask about it tonight when he comes over to work on your most recent stoichiometry project (which will be forgotten in favor of passing out during a movie while you play with his hair if history is anything to go by).
âI donât think Iâve ever met two students who belong more in his lab,â she continues.
You try not to preen, but academic validation is a hell of a drug to caffeine addicted undergrads. Wonwoo perks up too. Three and a half years of barely being people for this moment and itâs finally in reach.
âHowever,â Dr. Wagner clasps her hands atop the dark wooden desk. âIâm writing only one recommendation this semester. It might seem unfair but I want to commit to the student that deserves it the most since my schedule doesnât allow me much free time.â
Itâs like being underwater. You hear her words but nothing registers, blinking rapidly in case this is a hallucination from falling asleep in the lab again.
âI know it might not be the news you hoped for but I know senior year is a lot, especially for students as involved as you all, and I thought this could alleviate some of the stress. You two are the only students Iâm considering. So please, keep up the incredible work and we can talk again at the end of the semester when I have a more holistic evaluation of your progress.â
She stands to leave, snagging her purse and blowing out the candle with finality before abandoning the shit storm in your lap for whatever else she has to do on a Thursday night. Probably retell the events of the last five minutes to other professors in the department, laughing at the way youâve turned purple from holding your breath.
âHave a good night you two! See you tomorrow!â
The office, once warm, feels hollow. You feel hollow.Â
âWhat the fuck?â Wonwoo hasnât moved either, glued to his seat as he stares at Dr. Wagnerâs now vacant chair with his mouth wide in shock.
âDid that just happen?â you scoff in disbelief. âIs she serious?â
Wonwoo collapses over his knees with his hands scrubbing at his face like he also might be hallucinating. âI needed that recommendation.â
âWell, so do I,â you argue.
âI know. This is bullshit.â
âDid Changkyun say anything like this happened last year when she wrote one for him?â
âNo, all three people who asked her got one.â
âOh, so itâs just us she hates. Great!â you throw your hands up, sinking deeper in the chair. Maybe itâll swallow you whole and the entire ordeal will cease to exist.
âSheâs probably just trying to get in our heads so we donât slack off this semester.â
âHave we ever slacked off any semester? Iâve been on the Presidentâs Honor List since freshman year. Youâve been on the Presidentâs Honor List since freshman year. Weâre those people.â
Since starting college, since that one night during orientation where you and Wonwoo became a âweâ. Not in the relationship sense, but in the way two lines merge. Same path, same goals, same classes, same PhD program prospects. There was plenty you two did separately but more you did together. Neither competing, but working together.Â
But now thatâs over.
Because only one of you can get into Dr. Collins lab, only one of you can get the recommendation, and only one of you can have what you both worked tirelessly for over the past three years.
âListenââ you stand up and scrub at your own face. âItâll be fine. Weâll figure it out.â
âWe? Only one of us can get her recommendation. Whatâs there to figure out?â
Your face goes hot. Heâs right. âWell, I need that recommendation.â
âSo do I,â Wonwoo argues, eyes cold.
âFine.â
That recommendation is mine.
âFine!â
Weâll see about that.
Wonwoo stays in her office, flinching as you slam the door and flee.
The issue with fighting with Wonwoo is that as mad as both of you are, there are a million responsibilities you share that require close proximity.
Presently, itâs grading the last batch of exams. Seventy eight packets. And because Dr. Wagner doesnât believe in convenience, it all has to be graded by the hand of two TAs running on nothing but caffeine and spite.
Which means itâs past midnight and the couch has a permanent impression of Wonwooâs ass while you both silently fume and scratch through wrong answers with a heavy hand in red ink.
The weather reflects the atmosphere; pouring rain and thunder loud enough to shake the windows. The power has flickered in and out since the rain started but you're both too stubborn to call it quits â if there is nothing to keep you occupied then you might rip his throat out.
Wonwoo doesnât even ask if you want more coffee before he snags your empty mug and moves to the kitchenette. You donât look up when he sets it back down, and only grab it and take the first sip of perfectly steaming hot sweetness when he flops back on the couch without another word.Â
Then the power goes out again, and doesnât come back.
âAre you fucking kidding me?â
Using the flashlight on your phone, you search the drawers of your desk for candles. There nowhere to be found amongst the stacks of unopened sticky notes and tangled cords.Â
Wonwoo shuffles behind you, papers landing on the coffee table completely abandoned. âWeâve been at this for hours. Letâs just go to sleep.â
âI have them in here somewhere,â you bite, another handful of chargers and a stapled youâve never used and other things you didnât even realize you own fill the drawer. You move to the second. âThereâs only a few tests left.â
âWe can do them tomorrow. It can wait.â
âNo,â you spit like a curse.
Whatever Wonwoo was planning to say dies on his lips. âFine.âÂ
His shirt lands over your head, you rip it off only to find him half naked in the dark, huddling under one of the throw blankets you keep on the back of the couch. âWhat are you doing?â
âIâm sleeping.â
âOn the couch?âÂ
âYep.â
âYouâre too tall.â
âWell,â he draws like a pouty kid. âI donât feel like sharing the bed with you.â
In a way itâs safer to argue about something trivial like this versus the entire reason youâve iced each other out since that day in her office. Because at least like this, you wonât lose him. Itâs stupid and petty but at least youâre speaking to each other; breaking through that wall of silence thatâs been steadily growing more and more unnavigable as the inevitable draws nearer.
âFine, then Iâll sleep on the couch and you take the bed.â
âNo.â
âNo?â
âNo. N. O.â
Fine.
Itâs difficult to navigate in the dark. Your knees end up a victim to the edge of the coffee table and you trip over the edge of the rug, but you find the couch. Reaching down, you find his chest, then his shoulder. And once youâre sufficiently oriented you sit on him.
âOw,â Wonwoo grunts as you flop down, elbow in his gut and his chin hitting your forehead. âWhat are you doing?â
You wedge in closer, slipping between his body and the cushions, bracing to kick him off by force if needed. âSleeping.â
âHere?â he asks. Too aware of your plan, he turns as well, grabbing the back of the couch overhead to stay put.
âYouâre too tall to sleep here.â
âAnd weâre both too big to sleep here together. Take the bed.â
âNo,â you huff.
âNo?â
âNo. N.O. I believe youâre familiar with the word,â you spit.
âYouâre being ridiculous.â
âIf you keep talking then neither of us will sleep.â
âNeither of us are gonna sleep anyway. You move too much to be comfortable like this.â
Heâs right of course. Your hips already ache but if you move then heâll find some way to pull you off. âIâm fine.â
âYouâre being ridiculous.â
You do the mature thing and bite him.Â
The muscles corded around his pec twitch under your mouth as he flinches. âWhat the hell was that for?âÂ
You do it again.
âStop.â
âOr what?â you ask, muffled in his skin as you move to leave another bite.
Wonwoo also does the mature thing and pins your wrists in one hand, maneuvering until you're sandwiched between the couch with his chest flat to your back.
âI canât breathe like this,â you muffle into the cushions.
âOh, how tragic.â You feel his words tickle the back of your neck rather than hear them.Â
Wonwoo releases your wrists pinned to your stomach. His hand finds its way under your shirt, his shirt from some stupid frat fundraiser youâd been coerced into attending, flat to your belly with soothing circles. His calf hooks over your own to tangle your bodies together. He kisses the back of your neck, a simple brush of his lips that lingers.
Itâs easier to feel everything in the dark. Your annoyance and frustration forged over the past weeks melts away and all thatâs left is the need to have Wonwoo close. Just like this. Where there are no deadlines, or responsibilities. Where you both can drown in each othersâ presence and everything else is washed away in the heavy drops pounding the windows outside.
Here, everything is uncomplicated.
The next rumble of thunder is loud enough to send you both in the air. Unfortunately, Wonwoo drags you backwards off the couch and to the floor. You land relatively unscathed but he knocks his elbow into the coffee table.
âAre you okay?â
Wonwoo groans and curses, cradling his elbow.
âAw, tell the doctor where it hurts,â you coo, prodding his side.
He snatches your hand and pins it to his chest but not before lacing his fingers through your own. The gentle rise of and fall of breathing and the thud of his heart reverberates down your arm and straight into your own chest where something frozen softens. âHas anyone told you youâre annoying when youâre tired?â
âYes. You. Lots of times.â
âGood. Wanna make sure youâre aware.â
Lighting turns everything white, a quick flash highlighting the room. There and gone and leaving you more disoriented than before. Rolling over, you hook a thigh over his lap which he welcomes, tugging you closer and absorbing the proximity like second nature. Youâre a glutton for warmth â Wonwooâs warmth specifically â even in his sweater and his sweat shorts and his shirt, you still want more of him.
âWe canât sleep like this.â
You donât want to move â laying like this, in the dark, nose dug into his chest as you twisting your fingers in his, squeezing and glowing pathetically when he squeezes back â all you want is to drown in him a little longer. Until you're forced to come up for breath.
But the sore spot between you two is still raw like a fresh bruise.
âThen sleep in the bed,â his lips drags over your knuckles as he speaks.
âNo. You sleep in the bed, youâre too tall to sleep on the couch.â
âFine.â Wonwoo jumps up from his place on the floor, grabbing your hands once again before dragging you around the coffee table towards the opposite side of the room. Itâs ridiculously childish, especially in the dark where he bounces off the desk and the rug roughens the back of your legs.
He shimmies you around a corner and a cloud of laughter puffs between your lips. âWhat are you doing?â
âIâm sleeping in the bed, and youâre sleeping in the bed with me.â
âWhat if I donât want to sleep next to you?â
âThen Iâll cry. Like that time we watched Steel Magnolias.â
âHave mercy,â you whimper.
âThen get your ass in bed.â
Deflating like a balloon, you stand. Wonwoo keeps his hands on you the entire time, guiding you down to the mattress and covering your body with his own just in case of an escape. He bunkers down in the safety of your neck, dragging your hands to his hair, mimicking the motions he craves until you take up the action and gently comb through the tangles.
A part of you wants to cry. Preemptively mourn the end of this â whatever this is. Late nights with Wonwoo, whispering in the dark about clueless underclassmen and annoying professors. Taking turns scrolling through adoptable cats at the local rescue. Cooing over them, rolling your eyes when Wonwoo finds Pixel still listed as available for adoption, a sign to him that heâs meant to have her except he lives in a frat house. Or the nights neither of you can sleep and take a trip to the local diner and tuck yourselves away in a corner booth to watch drunk people cling to consciousness over waffles and hash browns.Â
There will be no more of that. Not by the time winter break comes. One of you is getting the gold ticket and the other will be up in the air with the hundreds of other people competing for the same handful of slots. And if one of you doesn't get in?Â
âWas that so hard?â he whispers into your collar.
When you donât answer, he looks up at. In the cast of lighting coming through the window heâs the same Wonwoo. The one youâve been best friends with for years now. The one who is practically glued to your side whenever possible.Â
The one who youâll have to say goodbye to.
He meets your kiss lazily. Like he still thinks you have all the time in the world.
It makes the urge to cry that much worse.
The rain is gone by morning.Â
The room glows from the orange light of the first minutes of sunrise. Sometime in the night you rolled to your side and Wonwoo pressed tight to your back. Heâs awake, drawing shapes on your hip beneath the fabric of your shirt.
âMorning.âÂ
You hum and roll over to burrow in his chest, the crown of your head digging into his neck and away from the sun. âMorning.â
The warmth of his hands trace the curve of your back, pulling you closer; hiding his own discontent with such an early break in the tentative truce that only seems to exist in the late hours of night and earliest minutes of dawn. Days of sleep deprivation with nothing but sterile lighting in the lab leaves you both needy and vulnerable. So he hugs you tighter and sighs when you do the same.
Heâs hard against your thigh. Clearly a result of biology more than need because heâs snoring against your hairline. Flashes of dreams rush forward â him beneath you, on top of you, behind you. Itâs been weeks since you two last fucked. When you called him an idiot and he called you stubborn and next thing you were on the table with your legs spread for Wonwooâs hand in a clumsy bump and grind while arguing about which one of you fucked up the biosensor callibration through gritted teeth and needy whimpers.
Youâre wet. With his thigh pressed between your own the fact becomes more evident as the urge to curl into it nags.
Taking advantage of the exposed curve of skin beneath your mouth, you kiss and suck with lax intent until Wonwoo tips his chin up and gives a silent green light.
A heavy hand drags down his front, nails scratching bluntly through the fabric until it can slip beneath the waistband of his sweats and the curve of his cock sits pretty in your palm. Commando for convenience and comfort. More the latter because thereâs no shot in hell heâs been getting laid lately.
His breath is sticky in his throat, vibrating beneath your teeth from thin pants as you work him through a loose fist. âCan I?â
âYeah,â he huffs. âYes.â
Slouching down, your head rests on his stomach, sweatpants bunched around his thighs. The first lick sends his hips up in search of more and you eagerly supply the soft suction of your mouth; lips catching around the flared head. A hand on the back of your skull keeps your hair from interfering as he plumps against your tongue.Â
Eagerness fails to penetrate this moment slowed down by the greater need to drag this out. To savor every second because who knows when youâll both stop being petty enough to just enjoy one anotherâs presence again.
âMight cumâfuckâ donât stop,â he grunts.
With the sun filling the room even more youâre running out of time, the warmth growing to leave sweat at the small of your back. He pushes harder into the curve of your throat and you let him, gagging wet with a lewd mix of spit and pre-cum that has you both moaning at the choked sound. Jaw slack, Wonwoo fucks your mouth with slow ruts; stomach tightening and the hand in your hair fisting tight enough you moan.
âShit, babeâc-cumming,â he whines with a pathetic groan youâd make fun of him for later but all you can think about is the thick taste of cum and if thereâs enough time for some attention between your own legs before life becomes unignorable. Not enough time for a real fuck but Wonwoo has a few tricks up his sleeve that promise satisfaction.
You bounce back down next to him and Wonwoo pounces, rolling on top of you, thing between your spread legs. He doesnât shy away from your tongue against his teeth, dips a thumb beneath your chin and slips his tongue right along with it, sucks your lips until the swell, backing off only to bunch your shirt up. Lazy drags of his mouth on yours â not the âI need youâ kisses after a late night but the âI miss youâ ones after weeks of passive aggressive silence.
He licks down your front, goosebumps blooming from the draft as he sucks a nipple until you arch and twist a hand in his hair. You give a lax stretch and sigh while his hand slips beneath the edge of your panties.
Taking the morning for what it is, you fall into the motions until the blare of the alarm clock signals the beginning of the end.
You push away and swipe blindly at the night stand to make it stop but Wonwoo has other plans.Â
He pins your hips down, tongue flat to the crotch of your underwear with a pant. âIgnore it.â
âWhat?â You look at him and find tired eyes watching back from over the edge of your wrinkled shirt. His hair is a mess, stuck to the side of his head from sleep and your eager hands and all you want to do is comb the tangles out while he pulls your strings like a puppet master.
But you canât.
âWeâve got class,â you gasp through a hot kiss on your clit.
A groggy groan of, âskip,â vibrates on your skin.
Fingers curling in the sheets, you grasp for disagreement only to find a moan as he pulls your hips closer and works a finger where you need it most.
âWe canât.â
âWe can,â Wonwoo grunts, focusing on peppering greedy kisses to the sensitive insides of your thighs. âWeâve been early every time this semester.â
The hand not curling in your guts runs down the back of your calf, bending until it hooks over his shoulder.
âFuck, Wonu,â you whine over the crude sounds of his mouth. You want to. God, do you want to. But you open your eyes again and they land on the stack of exams on your desk. Ungraded. Because Wonwoo said you could do them this morning. And now he wants you to skip class despite how important it is.Â
You close your legs only for Wonwoo to take it as a challenge, pinning your hips in place and celebrating his perceived victory with a throaty moan as he rocks against the bed.
âStop.â
He pulls back, mouth wet and brows furrowed. âHuh?â
The alarm on your phone pings again. Swiftly silenced this time as you roll out from beneath him and land beside the mattress on unsteady feet. âWe canât skip. We have to give exams back.â
âItâs not that big of a deal,â he argues, flopping down into the warmth you left vacant.
The room is too bright, a clear sign your morning routine is behind. âYou think now is the time to start slacking off?â
âItâs not slacking off.â Wonwoo snags his glasses. He looks more annoyed with them. âItâs a break. You clearly need one.â
âWhat the hell is that supposed to mean?â
âJust forget it. Iâm not arguing with you about stupid shit.â
âAnd what's stupid shit? The job we signed up for? With the professor who controls our futures?â
Wonwoo fixes his pants and rolls out of bed. On the opposite side. As far away from you as possible. âWhatever.â
âFine.â
âFine!â
âGood!â
âGood!â
You slam the bathroom door shut with finality. When you come back out, any trace of Wonwoo is long gone.
There arenât many people in class. A benefit of Halloweekend is the partying starts Wednesday and doesnât stop until the following week. Even with last night's rain plenty of students are battling hangovers which leaves a third of the usual lecture attendance to witness you and Wonwoo go head to head while Dr. Wagner sits at home with a mysterious illness she announced in an email three minutes after nine AM.
The few that are there snag their papers, lips curled in disgust at the plethora of red ink spilled on white pages. Their own faults for not paying attention during lecture but maybe the scarlet gashes were a little dramatic. Wonwooâs jaw is tight, pointedly ignoring you except to hand exams over that someone is waiting for with dread in their eyes.Â
You couldâve skipped. It wouldnât even count as skipping because class is canceled and thereâs no award for hauling ass at the crack of dawn when your advisor isnât even here to see it. You could be tucked away in your apartment with him under your skin; firmly in the place between dreams and waking where you liked him best, nothing but warm skin and rough hands with his lips on your hairline and your head burrowed in his chest.Â
There are too many witnesses to just drop the act and wrap your arms around him from behind until he gives in. Apologize for the stupid shit he rightfully called you out on. But as your courage grows with each studentâs exit, Wonwoo makes to leave before you can make use of it.Â
Barely an hour of fighting and it already feels like an eternity.
âHey,â you call.
He freezes by one of the desks near the back of the room, like heâs shocked youâre even there in the first place. But he doesnât turn around; just tilts his head so you know heâs listening even if he doesnât want to.
âSorry about this morning. I-I think the stress is getting to me.â
And the fact that I canât be mad at anyone besides the universe for this incredibly shitty situation. And I miss you. Even when youâre right next to me.
âOkay.â
âThatâs it?â you fidget with the strap of your bag; a million pounds heavier even without the weight of ungraded tests that Wonwoo snatched before you could divide the remaining work.
He turns around, eying you with an exasperated look. âWhat else should I say? You called me a slack off and implied I donât do my job.â
âI didnât,â you argue but itâs salt in the wound becauseâ
âYou did.â
âButââ
âItâs fine. Iâll finish grading the exams over the weekend.â
And then you're alone.
Youâre alone in the study room you both usually occupy to work on the Nanochemistry project due at the end of term. The shared document has updates, the blink of his cursor mocking your from wherever he hunkered down. Away from you. The temptation to type âIâm sorryâ over and over again disappears once he logs out barely a minute after you logged on.
Youâre alone at the circulation desk of the library through your shift, head whipping around to every squeak and cough only to find someone who isnât Wonwoo. Thereâs an email from him, to Dr. Wagner with you CCâed, about class averages and exam questions that should be thrown out.
You walk home alone. Other students in various states of dress and intoxication crowd the sidewalks, a few you recognize but they feel a million miles away.
Alone in your apartment, the two mugs from last night clean in the sink.
The good part of being alone is when you start crying, no one is there to see.
Itâs near midnight and the chill of the breeze whipping down the street bites at your exposed skin. Already the should-be-condemned frat house pulses with life, the promise of a long night ahead thrumming through the symphony of drunk screams and music.
Itâs not unusual for you to attend frat parties. Wonwooâs favor guarantees free booze and a perch at the top of the staircase where underclassmen are barred from entering. But youâll settle for watching drunk underclassman stumbling over the front lawn from one of the couches on the front porch (which are so broken in, no one sinks into the cushions â they just fall straight down until the worn springs catch them) because the inside of the house is too hot, and too crowded, and far too loud.Â
A hail Mary apology is the only thing on your mind. Yesterday had been the nastiest spat in recent history between you two; notwithstanding sophomore year when Jeonghan asked you for tutoring and Wonwoo insisted on helping. âHelpingâ meant cutting off every question Jeonghan dared ask with a series of snorts and huffs until you left and refused to talk to him for a week.
Heâd apologized in the most Wonwoo fashion â completing your Thermodynamics assignments for the rest of the semester and before going down on you until you threatened to kick him in the head through sensitive sobs.
Wonwoo is here â somewhere. Shuffling up the past, past the line of eager party goers looking for a way in, you scan the front porch, heâs not in his usual waiting spot to whisk you upstairs where the older members hang out with better drinks and better music. Not that he would be. He doesnât even know you considered coming to this.
Instead, poor Chan, dressed in yellow and black stripes, mans the door with pilot Jihoon by his side.
âJihoon,â you greet, before looking at the younger man. âSpeed bump.â
Chan mumbles something under his breath but lays on the ground regardless. When Wonwoo went through the same hazing you only got a few chances to enjoy the ridiculousness before he dragged you upstairs and shut you up himself.
âCan you not torment the kids?â Jihoon grunts.
âI could. But, whereâs the fun in that?âÂ
âYour boyfriend is inside. If you see Jun, tell him itâs his turn to watch the door.â
âGot it.â
Stepping over the underclassman still laying on the ground, you head inside and straight for the packed kitchen to get a drink. Thereâs barely any space between the hoard of bodies, forcing you to shuffle forward everytime there's a gap in the crowd; but itâs more like swimming against a rip tide.Â
Itâs difficult to see with nothing but a few strobe lights and some strings of Christmas lights to clear the dark. One glance up towards the upper landing of the staircase is all it takes to find him right next to Mingyu. Matching costume, two bean poles standing out from the crowd of shorter men. Mingyu makes a brief nod in your direction but before you can see Wonwoo turn youâre off into the kitchen.
Itâs an even tighter fit in here. A pledge pours drinks from a cooler, for a brief second youâre tempted to indulge. The last time you did, freshman year, you ended up crying in Wonwooâs room mid-hookup. You scan the slim pickings and settle on an unopened beer. The shots you took while getting ready are already catching up.
Forced between anxious isolation and drinking, a few of your friends come up and briefly make conversation. You feign interest, eying over their heads for a familiar mop of dark hair without success.
A few guys stop to compliment your costume. They give themselves away in glazed heavily lidded stares, single minded focus on your legs. They ask what your major is, boast their status as pledges to your disinterested grimace, and move on when you finally put them out of their misery and fib about your âboyfriendâ being âpresident or somethingâ but âI donât pay attention to those things,â and they all disappear significantly paler than when they first appeared.
You bite the bullet of your pride and turn to leave, only to find Wonwoo barely an inch away.
His eyes burn over your figure, the short toga covering just enough for you to avoid public indecency. Good. Itâs the entire reason you wore this stupid costume in the first place. Heâs a horny loser for nerdy shit and this is the best thing you couldâve worn other than one of those video game character costumes forcing your boobs in your throat and leaving you at serious risk for public indecency.
Itâs not the first time youâve wrapped yourself in barely enough fabric to constitute an outfit for the sake of his forgiveness and it probably wonât be the last.
Wonwoo pins you to the counter with his hips, hands bracketing your figure on either side. The green hat with an âLâ is lopsided on his head but at least he didnât wear the fake mustache. âSo, what is your costume?â he hums into the space just below your ear with a kiss.
âGuess.â You tilt your chin, cocky.
âAnd if I get it right?â he asks, lips at your ear.
Heart pound, you ditch the beer and reach for his hips with purpose. âWhatever you want.â
âDangerous words.â
âThink of it as my apology for being a huge bitch yesterday.âÂ
He sighs into your neck, arms tight around your waist in a loose semblance of a hug. Itâs a farce. Your ass meets the counter with minor effort and Wonwoo claims the space between your legs before you can pretend to object.
He still hasnât kissed you.
You want more than kisses. You want to feel him, all of him. Want to drag him to the living room serving as a makeshift dance floor and sink into the heat of his body pressed flat against your own for everyone to see. You want to pull him into that closet off the main hall, familiar from that hot night of freshman year when a drunk make out turned into a timid fingering and eventually Wonwoo handing over his first time on a silver platter. Or even run back to your apartment, pluck through the leftover Halloween candy you bought on discount and watch whatever horror movie has become his recent obsession. You just want him.
âMingyu thought you were Socrates.â
Pressed this close on the sticky counter, his body is the only thing protecting what little of your dignity is left. Even then, there's enough of the slippery warmth of alcohol to tempt you into rutting against him right here for those stupid pledges to see. âMingyu is an idiot.â
âClearly,â he chuckles. âThe rubber chicken gave it away.â
You shake it at eye level. âBehold, man.â
âLame,â his kissing gets bold down the shaft of your neck, teeth scraping your collarbone.
âOh please, I feel your boner.â
He doesnât resist you when you nuzzle along the bare parts of his neck, a tease of soft kissing usually reserved for quiet moments tucked away in your apartment. Even in the chaos of the party, body heat turning the air uncomfortably warm, you crave more of his closeness.Â
His hands feel nice on your legs. None of the timid gentleness of years prior when heâd touch you like itâd burn if he wanted it too much; trailing higher and higher but never under the short hem of the bedsheet turned dress. His fingers flex into the muscle at the outside of your thigh, hook behind your knees and drag you to the edge of the counter.Â
You're sweating through your own skin when he kisses you.Â
The need in your gut blooms at full force. Your mouth loosens, welcoming his tongue and teeth and whatever else heâs generous enough to give while you tug at the loose fabric around his hips to force more close proximity; the zipper of his pants is hot against your core and if you fucked him right here it wouldnât look that different than the PG-13 make out happening right now.Â
âWanna show me your room?â You blink like some moony eyed freshman, glassy, pupils blown from vivid images of all the possibilities in the solitude upstairs. Wonwoo is fine with the game of whatever your apology entails even if it means you throw cheesy lines like that.
He ushers you off the counter, flat to your back as he pushes through the crowd with you ahead. Even in a drunken haze people part out of his way because of the mastery of resting bitch face only he seems to have despite the complaint putty that lies behind it. A private smile splits your lips. He canât be that mad. Not with how he pulls you closer, in the protective way he so often does in the buzz of a single minded crowd with more alcohol in their veins than blood.Â
Mingyu is standing on the landing. Girls in scraps of fabric eye him up and down, even in his stupid costume with the mustache but he ignores them in favor of pouting straight into a red cup.
âWhy is your boyfriend moping?âÂ
âFuck if I know.â Wonwoo focuses on sucking another bruise on your neck like no one's watching.Â
Youâre loose enough not to care about Mingyuâs annoyance as Wonwoo ushers you by. âCheer up buttercup, Iâm sure thereâs a Peach here into charity fucks!âÂ
Itâs meant to be encouraging, but Mingyu looks like heâs torn between strangling you and throwing himself over the banister.
Maybe you did lie about being Wonwooâs girlfriend, but he is president and his room is the biggest and furthest away from chaos. Up on the top floor where the music isnât as loud and the only people on this floor are other members and their guests for the night.
Wonwoo pushes you inside, kicking the door shut loud enough you wince before crowding you against the wood. You throw his hat away somewhere into the darkness, hand twisted in his hair as he kisses you. Sloppy and gross until he rocks into the softness of your stomach, gasoline on the flame.
âTurn around.â
He barely gives you enough space to do so, pressing you flat once again, cheek squished to the door and a rough pull at your waist.Â
âIf youâre thinking about touching my asshole, donât. I have shit to do tomorrow,â you warn.Â
On the other side of the door you hear footsteps but they pass by without stopping.
âNoted, but not what Iâm going for,â he jokes.Â
Your skirt flips up and a draft against the damp crotch of your panties sends a tremor straight through your core. âShare with the class.â
âItâs a surprise.â
âIâm shaking in my toga.â
âAnd you call me a loser.â
âI can call you some other things,â you grit, pushing back into the heat of his covered cock. âThey arenât as nice though.â
âYeah, yeah. Take your panties off.âÂ
Heâs a little bit of a freak. Sometimes he enjoys fucking you in nothing but your underwear and others he wants you in everything but. Maybe because of how this entire thing started; when you wouldnât even take your bra off and he survived on the barest flash of nipple.
The flimsy soiled fabric barely passes your knees before heâs on you again, easily tempted by the arch of your spine. You hum content as he presses a finger into your cunt, then two. His other hand forces the neckline of your dress down and lo-and-behold your lack of bra delights like you knew it would.
Whatever bright idea that fluttered in Wonwooâs brain is forgotten as he spins you back around for an eyeful of naked skin; a mouthful of your chest and your leg hooked around his hip for a pathetic dry hump into the heel of his hand.
âOh, fuck,â you moan with extra emphasis and a caved stomach because thereâs teeth and he makes it hurt. âKiss me.â
Another rut into your thigh and his teeth are back at your bottom lip. Itâs not exactly what you anticipated when you showed up tonight but there are far worse places than having a doorknob in your back while Wonwoo leaves a hickey below your ear; a perfectly good bed ten feet away but neither of you can be bothered to move much more than forcing Wonwooâs pants down enough his cock leaks in your grip, head nestled at your entrance.
You surprise him by sinking to your knees. Head tipped back against the door, you tilt your mouth open to welcome him on your tongue. Wonwoo stares down at you; tits out, hand between your legs as you suck his cock in quick motions until he takes over and fucks into the curve of your throat.Â
âHoly s-shit,â he hisses and you flatten your tongue to help him along. It feels good; seeing him reduced to so little just from the wet suck of your mouth on him.Â
A choked gag forces Wonwoo back into his body, hips curving away so you can swallow air before leaving a sloppy kiss on the tip. Seizing him in a tight grip, you use the spit to jerk him off until he cringes with another pathetic moan.Â
Someone giggles in the hallway, close enough you both hear. Theyâre far enough away you can still whisper to Wonwoo. âRemember that time we fucked in here last year?âÂ
âWhen you almost got us killed?â
Last year, at the same party, when you showed up in a skin tight Shego costume, Wonwoo pulled you to the only available room: Seungcheolâs. Itâd been hot. Fucking when you arenât supposed to, having Seungcheol pound at the door while Wonwoo came down your throat (no condoms and no hope to clean up).
âDo it again.â
His hand creeps into a loose collar around the base of your throat. You keep rubbing between your legs, working up a slick slide until your nails dig into the skin of his thighs.
âReally?â Thereâs no need for muffling the noise when it's his room and the only people at risk of hearing anything have done far worse. He pulls you to your feet, forces your cheek against the door and slides right behind you. Like he was made for you.
âChoke me,â you gasp before digging into the sick part of your brain that likes seeing him strung out, extra breathy just to see his eyes go wide. âSir.â
Your skin sticks to the door, shamefully squeezed as he drags his cock through the mess of your pussy. âYou canât just say that.â
âWhy not?â
âBecauseââ
âBecause what?â you goad. âGonna punish me?â
âYouâd like that wouldnât you? Show up wearing this,â he grits, tugging at the white fabric bunched around your waist, using the hand on your throat to squeeze your cheeks tight with authority you drool for. âAsking to be choked and now you probably want me to spank you and call you a good girl.â
You grunt through the raw thrust at your gut, sending your head back from sheer enthusiasm. âNânot my fault you fuck me so good.âÂ
Wonwoo almost canât control himself, hearing nothing but praise fall from your mouth as he fucks you limp against the door. âGod.â
Someone screams, âLeave room for Jesus!â from the other side of the door and you almost rip it open to kill them if Wonwoo wasnât dragging you to the bed.Â
He folds you onto your front, both standing at the foot of the bed. A deep roll of his hips and youâre filled completely.Â
âO-oh, fuck me,â you moan, uncaring if the idiot outside the door is still listening. Wonwoo has a hell of a hand and puts it to use against the curve of your ass. The coil in your gut pulls taunt as he delivers one after another.
He fucks deeper, a the hand not burn against your bottom between your shoulders. âYou look so goodâ ah âtaking my cock like this.â His voice waivers with the same stunted rhythm of his hips.Â
âW-want,â you choke on spit, drooling into the comforter. âWanna taste you.â
The animalist need to suck both your flavors off his cock nearly sends you into a fit but Wonwooâs there, hooking his hand back around the front of your neck with a subtle squeeze. You want the stupid dress off, you want Wonwooâs clothes off, you want to fuck him where thereâs no one around to catcall in the hallway like twelve year old boys. Want. Want. Want.
What you get is enough pressure from his fingers that your mind blanks. Wonwoo gets a tight enough squeeze on his cock that heâs forced to a grinding halt.Â
Then his rhythm goes deeper, harder. Course curls against the resistance of your ass until you almost collapse against the edge of the bed. His cock hits that spot like it was made for your body. âTouch yourself.â
You comply without further command. Youâre wet, soaked, arousal smeared down your thighs from Wonwooâs treatment. Your fingers bump against his length as you match the pace of his strokes. âFuck, Wonwoo â hmmm.âÂ
âTell me how it feels,â he gasps like itâs his first breath in hours.
âWet, so wet,â you croon, arching harder, joints locking. âGonna cum. Oh my god.â
He reaches low, grabbing your hand from between your thighs and pulling it to his mouth for a taste. His tongue slides between your digits, liquid slick with a soft suction your crave on your clit.Â
âBeg for it.â Wonwoo bites your shoulder hard enough you cry.Â
Stuffing your hand back between your legs, you play with your clit clumsily. Until pink crowds the edge of your vision and it hurts. âPlease, please! I needâWant it. Wanna come for you. Please, sir.â
Wonwoo strains to hear your pleas over the clap of bodies. Heâs worked you near the middle of the bed, practically laying on top of you as he fucks in quick succession.Â
âHarder, fuck me,â you demand. âYes, yes, yâyes!â
If you were on top youâd fall straight off, jerking tightly under Wonwooâs weight, turning your face to greet his tongue between your teeth and mewling sensitivity. He doesnât show mercy, continuing to fuck you through the worst of it.
âHoly shit,â you whimper, head throbbing. Wonwoo forces you back on your knees and you fight through sore muscles and sensitivity to preen under the weight behind his hips.Â
âCan I come in you?â he asks in a shivery breath.
You nod with closed eyes, tugging the hand around your throat to your lips and sucking his fingers like itâs a cock. He finishes with a choked breath, flooding your insides with sticky warmth youâve never gotten used to in all the months youâve fucked without condoms.Â
His breath fans against the nape of your neck, another swivel of his hips from the sensitivity. Your walls squeeze as Wonwoo pulls away.Â
You roll onto your back with a bounce, Wonwoo jostling you when he joins. Shoulder to shoulder, you stare up at the ceiling while catching your breath. âDo you think youâll pop a boner when your students call you a sir next year?â
Wonwoo heaves a long breath, amusement in his voice. âI come inside you and that's the first thing you think of?â
Immediately you regret the joke. Since Dr. Wagnerâs announcement weeks ago neither of you had broached on the topic of what happens after graduation. Mostly from fear. But also because itâs a long discussion youâre not exactly sure what you want out of.
âAnswer the question.â
âI hope not.â
The bed shifts beneath your knees as you crowd over Wonwoo, laying with his arms behind him to keep from sinking flat. The tired lines of his face look deeper in the lamp light. Heâs nothing more than a big softie that wants to cuddle half naked in his bed while you play with his hair until sleep finds its place.
âItâs our last Halloween party.â
âWow, just like old times,â you snort. âShould I start crying? Then itâll be just like freshman year all over.â
Wonwoo laughs, his hand snatching yours and lacing your fingers together. âYou wore a bra and bunny ears freshman year so if youâre gonna whip that out too â by all means.â
âGod, we were so lame,â you announce matter of factly. Crying in lingerie and animal ears in one of the supply closets downstairs all becauseâ
âDonât rope me into that, miss âcrying-because-she-didnât-know-how-to-suck-dickâ.â Wonwoo rolls on top of you, hoping to silence whatever argument bubbling in response with a teasing press of his lips. You're still sticky with sweat and spit and cum, nipples and pussy out and the thought of his dick, limp against your thigh, makes you sensitive all over.
âThatâs former miss âcrying-because-she-didnât-know-how-to-suck-dickâ,â you trail off into his mouth. âAnd youâre one to talk. Remember the time you cried about how happy you were that we were friends.â
He bites your lip in retaliation. âI didnât.â
âYou did. I have the video from Mingyu.â
âI thought he was an idiot.â
âHe is but heâs good for blackmail.â
You might consider staying the night if he keeps tracing his nose along the arch of your collarbone. But a shrill giggle and some pornographic moans ring through the walls of the neighboring room. Not the side Seungkwan occupies. Hoshiâs. And itâs only the start.
âWe canât sleep here.â
Wonwoo collapses, tugging you with him. âI canât ditch again, Iâm on pledge duty.â
âYouâre hiding in your room with me.â
âOkay, technically Iâm on pledge duty.â
He wouldnât stay here if he wasnât required. Wonwoo hates party nights, especially Halloween. Too many variables requiring all hands on deck; too many needy people demanding his presence for some issue that couldâve been handled if they used their brain to think farther than the tip of their nose. Rarely, if ever, does he sleep in his own bed when you have a perfectly good one tucked away in a private apartment without thirty other men tripping over each other.Â
âWell, Iâm not sleeping with that.â On cue, another whimper, clearly a manâs, breaks through the tentative silence. Are they fuck against the shared wall?
Wonwoo sighs, scrubbing his face before moving for his phone. âIâll send one of the kids to walk you.â
âWow, a pledge escort. How thoughtful,â you sneer.
He huffs again, unwilling to start a fight thatâll leave neither of you satisfied. âText me when you get home.â
You donât.
There is an unspoken habit between you and Wonwoo that Sunday mornings are spent at the only reasonably priced coffee shop just near your apartment. A charming hole in the wall, with hanging shelves displaying layers of tchotchkes, paintings lining whatever free space between them, and wobbly tables with equally unbalanced chairs. Itâs always packed because the coffee is decent and they have outlets. After last night, you hope heâs too exhausted to even think about showing up.
Mugs click against dark lacquered tables, the dull murmur of conversation churns over the music swelling softly through the speakers. The smell of pastries and espresso wake you enough to slide into a vacant table in the corner and set to work.Â
Or you wouldâve if someone didnât sit down first.
âOh.â
Wonwoo already has a mug and a little brown bag as he looks up at where you stand dumbly.
âI can just goâŠsit somewhere elseâŠâ You turn to leave, except there are no other tables. Couples and groups claim every single seat except the one across from Wonwoo.
âWhy would you do that?â
âI donât know, probably because Iâm mad at you.â
He unpacks his laptop, shaking his head. âYouâre not mad at me.â
âYes, I am,â you emphasize.Â
âYouâre a bad liar.â
Neither of you are good at lying. Even worse at fighting. Incapable of committing to real anger when it takes all your energy to stand up straight and not fall asleep in a pile of ungraded papers and half finished assignments. Besides, you're only pouting because he passed up a night at your place to clean up pledge vomit.Â
You canât tame the annoyed grin cracking your face. âFine, Iâm not that mad at you. Buy my forgiveness in the form of coffee.â
âToo much caffeine will kill you.â
âI can only hope,â you sigh, arms cradling your head against the hard wood of the table while he joins the queue at the register.
Wonwoo orders your drink and a cheesy pastry the size of your head, the smell of greasy carbs first thing in the morning softening the ice in your veins. He knows your weaknesses too well.Â
âIs this penance?âÂ
âSomething like that.â He tears the crispiest corner off and pops it into his mouth.
âDid you look at the study guide for Calc yet?â
Two hours later you approach the counter for a second round of coffee and snag one of the jammy tarts Wonwoo likes but rarely buys for himself. Whatever chaffs between you two melts under the constant stream of note checking; Wonwooâs hand on your knee under the table helps too.Â
âIf I look at this anymore, Iâll run into traffic.â
âWeâve got the Nano project that needs some work,â you suggest.Â
He stretches wide, a sliver of skin visible between the hem of his sweater and the band of sweat pants. âIâve got practice in an hour. We can do it tonight when Iâm done.â
You try not to stare and instead return to focusing on the screen of your laptop burning your retinas.âIâm tutoring Seungkwan.â
âAfter?â
âHeâs gonna be a bitch and the last thing I wanna do is look at more school stuff.â
âThen no school stuff,â he decrees with finality. âIâll bring mushroom pad thai from that place on Market.â
âAre you trying to bribe your way in?â
âIs it working?â
You hum a dismissal but watch him through your lashes. He looks good â washed in late afternoon glow, hair a mess with glasses and a sweater that hangs off his shoulders. It all screams âdrag me to bed and nap the rest of the dayâ which is trouble for you because you still want to be mad at him if only to see how fair heâs willing to go for your forgiveness.
âWe can watch Yellowjackets,â he barters, packing his bag.
Another group eyes your table with hope to claim it the second itâs available. Sadly, your ass is firmly planted for the rest of the afternoon. With or without Wonwoo.
âYouâre really trying to butter me up, arenât you?â
âI cannot sleep in that house,â he deadpans. âPlease take mercy.â
âOh, so youâre just using me for a place to sleep. Even after I wore that stupid Halloween costume?â
He pauses, eyes glazing like itâs a distant memory and not less than twenty four hours ago. âYou looked hot.â
âYou made that pretty clear.â
âAnyway, Iâll come over after practice. You can bitch about Seungkwan until you pass out.â
âFine, but if there is no pad thai then donât come.â
âWhatever my woman demands,â he snorts, dropping a kiss to your lips before turning towards the door.
Two hours and another coffee later, Seungkwan occupies Wonwooâs abandoned chair. Thereâs no reason for him to be taking an intro chem class as a Creative Writing major other than the fact heâs a bit of a masochist. Heâs not half bad at it and doesnât really need any tutoring but you get paid for showing up even if itâs complete silence as you pick your nails until he needs something.
Youâre marking through his latest attempt when he finally speaks up, âYou're dating Wonwoo, right?â
Red pen scratches through the edge of the paper. âWhat?â
âYou and Wonwoo.â
What is the absolute configuration of the two carbon atoms in this compound? More red ink.
âWhat about me and Wonwoo?â
Seungkwan rolls his eyes with exasperation, like youâre on the outs of some obvious joke. âDating.â
If an alkene has 24 hydrogen atoms, how many carbon atoms does it contain? Another X.
âNo.â
âOh, I thoughtââ
âWeâre just friends.â
When 10 g of 90% pure lime stone is heated completely, the volume (in litres) of is liberated at STP is⊠Wrong, again. Which makes no sense because Seungkwan is good at this level. Heâs fucking with you on purpose.
âHuh,â he comments, grabbing the worksheet back from your claws.
ââHuhâ what?â
âI heard a rumor he had a girlfriend last night, thatâs all.â
It's not the first time someone assumed there's more between you and Wonwoo then there actually is, your fib last night clearly fanned the flames of even more speculation. But neither of you date; not enough time, willpower, or patience to entertain someone around packed schedules. If you and Wonwoo didnât have the same life within the chemistry department then youâd never see each other. Itâs convenient as it can possibly be.Â
Maybe at one point there was. Summer of sophomore year when he studied abroad in Spain and the usual substance of correspondence morphed from memes and jokes to something softer; I miss youâs and youâd like it hereâs. Late night phone calls that lasted hours, refusing to hang up first until one of you fell asleep and the other finally canceled the call.Â
But the opportunity to tip over the edge came and went without coalescing into whatever was on the other side.Â
Seungkwan can pretend itâs an innocent suggestion but he stares you down until you crack with your own curiosity. âWho told you that?â
âSome pledges said they accidentally hit on his girlfriend. I don't even think he knows another girl beside you. Plus you were at the party last night.â
Stupid fuckers, you mutter under your breath. âWeâre not dating.â
âBut you guys are always together.â
âWe work together. You and Vernon are always together, are you two fucking?â
âMy room is next to his and it doesnât sound like work to me.â
âHow does me failing you sound?â you spit.Â
Seungkwan doesn't so much as flinch at the threat but returns to the practice sheet with a smile nonetheless.Â
Typically, fall break is spent hidden away in a pile of blankets with you and Wonwoo alternating movie choices throughout the weekend. Dead Poets Society (him), When Harry Met Sally (you), Over the Garden Wall (him), Fantastic Mr Fox (you), and so on and so on.
This year, you have a strong feeling Dr. Wagnerâs favorite pastime is seeing her TAs squirm. Itâs the only explanation for the unique brand of humiliation she subjects you and Wonwoo to. Tonight, Friday and technically your first night off for the long weekend, she decides to engage in a new sort of torture. A fancy dinner that neither of you could ever hope to afford, and even as her treat, you still eye the menu prices nervously.Â
But Dr. Collins sits across the table, in the flesh, so you pull out the skills you learned in the ridiculous theater class you took freshman year to âdiversifyâ your transcript and smile through the anxiety.Â
Wonwoo does a little better; in a button up youâve only seen him wear a handful of times when his usual wardrobe is sweatshirts and free shirts from campus events, he looks more comfortable than you feel.
âJill, tells me you both work on Epitranscriptomic mapping in her lab?â Dr. Collins asks after another sip of his drink. Two whiskeys at dinner.Â
Itâs not an official interview. Not anything close to it, according to your advisor. Nothing is set in stone, even if Dr. Collins laughs at Wonwooâs awkward jokes and nods enthusiastically to your stories about working in the library (he also worked in the library in undergrad, but used it to nap more than actually work). But it feels like a step in the right direction.Â
âYes, sir.â Wonwoo and you nod in tandem.
Dr. Wagnerâs research focuses on how different RNA modifications vary across various cell types and states. Itâs high level stuff that no one but Wonwoo understands when you rant about the broken Cellraft machine. And his complaints about NovaSecâs constant crashes that leave him without work fall on deaf ears except when theyâre directed at you.Â
Half the reason you two started speaking during orientation is because the overly enthusiastic intern asked what people were looking forward to the most during school. You and Wonwoo were the only ones who seemed to think she meant school-related and not where to buy a fake ID. Apparently, the best person to get a fake ID from was a junior in Dr. Wagnerâs lab that year. Go figure.
âIâve seen you two listed down the line as co-authors,â he nods.Â
The waiter brings dessert, spiced toffee cakes and ice cream. Youâre starving but the knot in your stomach from when you sat down is even tighter and all you can do is pick at the plate.
âWell, Y/N does a lot of the troubleshooting for the RNA degradation issues,â Wonwoo shares.Â
Your face heats at the unexpected but not undeserved compliment. Dr. Wagnerâs work isnât cheap and the thought of wasting valuable money, money that could line the pocket of an extra set of hands, forced you to run a tight ship. The other researchers in her lab could say what they wanted behind your back but Dr. Wagner nods with fondness and you try not to preen.
âWeâd be a mess if it wasnât for her,â Dr. Wagner agrees. âThe lab techs should write her a card.â
Not wanting to leave him out, you shoot a look to your left where Wonwoo pulls at the napkin in his lap. âWonwoo is the one that made sure the parameters made sense for the last publication.â
âAlso true.â Dr. Wagner smiles. âI told you, Harry, theyâre my best students. Excel a mile past my TAs last year. They work together exceptionally well. If I could keep them both for next year, I would.â She says it with finality. There might very well be an opportunity to stay here and continue in her lab, even if your ambition has outgrown the place youâve called home for four years.
The table is cleared, your plate full of mashed cake and melted ice cream with not a single bite missing. Youâre exhausted. Mentally, emotionally; physically from the three all nighters youâve pulled this week. Thereâd be an earful from Wonwoo about the dangers of sleep deprivation (hypocrite) but he looks like heâs seen a ghost tonight and wonât sleep himself.
Dr. Collins glances at his watch with a muffled yawn, âMy, my! Look at the time! My apologies I didn't mean to keep us all out so late. I know you two probably have far more interesting things to be doing than spending the evening with a couple old timers like us.â He winks at Dr. Wagner, who rolls her eyes and hands the check back to the waiter who canât be more than nineteen. âIt looks like Iâll have some tough decisions to make in the upcoming weeks. Best of luck to the both of you.â
Hands shakes all around, and an awkward shuffle at the door and Dr. Collins and Dr. Wagner disappear into the night, leaving you and Wonwoo alone on the long walk back to campus.
You donât beeline to your apartment for a debrief. Or even to ignore the obvious awkwardness cracking between. A bench to the side of the campus green is where you find yourselves, across from the fountain that upholds the tradition of drunken seniors taking a dip during finals when theyâve given up.Â
You want to drown in it.
âWonwoo,â you whisper. âWhat happens if one of us doesn't get in?â
âIâI donât know.â He peers down at you with what you think is grief and the white noise that follows his quiet admission chokes painfully. Thereâs no plan B for something like this
If you got in, then Wonwoo did too. An unfounded assumption that wherever you went heâd be there too, based on almost four years of something between you. Too much to be friendship but too scared to call it something else. Something more. All the stereotypical college firsts had been with him or witnessed by him, you assumed grad school would be the same.
But it canât be.
âThen we should end this.â
The words are out like shaken champagne, a dramatic explosion you canât take back; a mess in the slimmest inches of space between your bodies on the bench in the freezing air.
âWhat?â he says.
You canât swallow back down the idea. Wonwoo wonât let you. Maybe you donât want to. You stare at the fountain across the green with a twitch in your jaw.Â
âOne of us is gonna move to Boston and the other is gonna have to figure it out and Iâd rather not hate you or you hate me when it happens.â
You wonât take it back but you wonât look at him either.Â
âYou think Iâd hate you?âÂ
Heâs staring at you. You can feel the burn of his gaze on your cheek where embarrassment heats as well.
âI would.â You ignore the break in your voice at the complete lie. âIâd hate it if you got in and I didnât. Even though you deserve it and I couldnât be mad about it. Iâd hate it. All Iâve wanted since freshman year is to go there, and I wonât ruin it for you just because I canât have it.â
For a painstaking moment, he doesnât say anything. His shoulders are still rigid and he props his weight into his knees, head bowed so you canât even see his face in the stark street light. He doesnât do anything until you do, until you slump with utter defeat.
âFine.â
âFine?â Your voice pinches in your throat.
âWhat else is there? Youâve already decided for the both of us. That stupid fucking program matters more to you thanââ
You heat close to explosion.âItâs not stuââ
Wonwoo rushes off the bench. âIt is! It is because weâve been dating for the past three years but you wonât even fucking admit it! Youâll tell some stupid pledge Iâm your boyfriend but everytime I think weâve worked it out â that youâre finally ready to talk about it â you pretend nothing is happening.â
âThat wasnâtââ you shake your head.
âItâs fine. Iâll get over it.âÂ
You move quicker than he does and find his hand, but he doesnât want to stay and you canât stop him from leaving. âWonwoo.âÂ
âStop.â His voice is stoic, whatever emotions previously controlling him locked up tight behind faux dismissal. âJustâŠstop.âÂ
If youâre going to lie then the smallest favor you can do is obey his command. You hide your face in your hands, cheeks hot and eyes stinging. Because if you look at him then youâll break into a million pieces. Youâd admit to lying to his face; that you could so much as entertain the idea of hating him.
Wonwoo waits but you say nothing. No argument, no final comment.Â
When you finally look up heâs far enough down the sidewalk that the pathetic croak of his name is unheard.
Endpoint: a critical moment in a chemical process where a specific change indicates that the reaction is complete.Â
Two days later, when you finally get the balls to call Wonwoo and apologize, to tell him heâs right and that youâre an absolute idiot, heâs already blocked your number.
In a game of passive aggressive pettiness, Wonwoo takes gold.
He wonât talk to you outside of class and lab hours. Even then, he refuses to look at you; talks straight around you. Any form of correspondence you receive has Dr. Wagnerâs name attached and anything you send without it is loudly ignored.Â
Other people notice too.
In study hours, the students notice, whisper to each other when Wonwoo snubs your attempt to discuss a batch of graded homework in favor of focusing his attention on a cowering freshman who looks like he might piss himself when Wonwoo calls him by name. All the others bury their heads in their textbooks in fear heâll pick them next.
In Nano, when he shows up just in the nick of time to leave his self-assigned seat next to you empty, and instead sitting next to the door. You feel the eyes on you, hair standing on end at the back of your neck when Dr. Lim stutters through his intro with wide eyes at the scene.
Seungkwan shows up to tutoring significantly less interested in your love life. Or he pretends he isnât. He doesnât ask outright and thereâs pity in his eyes, thick enough you want to burst into the tears youâve waited to come for the past two weeks. Instead you feel hollow.Â
Even Mr. Lee, the night guard at the library, eyes your solitary exit with something like concern. Even going so far as to call campus public safety to escort you the short walk home.
Your other friends try to take you out, get your mind off the tilt in your world axis. You go. Sit at bar tables and laugh when you're supposed to, make empty conversations with strangers but you donât care. You want to go home and curl up in your own misery like a blanket and cry until your eyes swell shut and pass out from exhaustion. Eventually, they stop asking if you want to come and just leave ice cream and bottles of wine on your doormat as support.
Your grades donât suffer, and thatâs the only thing you can cling to right now.
In Dr. Wagnerâs office, an impromptu meeting under the guise of setting final exam expectations and tinkering the schedule, Wonwoo continues the harsh coldness of silence; content to pretend you donât even exist.Â
You work through it easily enough. You and Wonwoo have the same finals so there's only two schedules (Dr. Wagnerâs and your shared one) to coordinate for extra study hours. The entire ordeal takes ten minutes to complete the shared calendar, pack it full of final lab meetings and deadlines for grading.
And when itâs over, you move to rise but Dr. Wagner stops you short.
She looks sheepish which is an odd sight. Immediately, you go to the worst. You grit and swallow and sit back down in the same upholstered chair from the last time she dropped a bomb in your lap.Â
This is the bandaid rip youâve waited for all semester. Whatever is at the end of this meeting means you finally know if youâre good enough or not. If karma does justice and gives Wonwoo the spot in Dr. Collins lab next year because you committed the sin of wanting it too much, sacrificed too much.
âIt seems my attempt at friendly competition had someâŠunintended consequences.â
Where sizzling anger would once flourish and bloom, nothing but empty exhaust stutters to life. âWhat?â
âLast year, the second my TAs found out Iâd recommended them, they slacked off. Missing class, incorrect results in the lab. Now I know you two are hard workers but I was afraid senioritis might set in and Iâd have to lay down the law. I donât like being harsh with my students, not directly anyway. I want the best out of them, and I knew I could anticipate the best from you two. I was always planning to recommend both of you to Dr. Collins. I told him he would regret it if he even thought about not making space for you both next year.â
âWhat?â you repeat again.
Thereâs a weight on your knee. You donât even need to look to know itâs Wonwooâs hand. He doesnât look before flipping it over when you place yours on top, fingers knotting together; holds it tight like heâs afraid youâll vanish if he lets go. You unconsciously squeeze and he mimics without thought.
âSo what does this mean?â
âDr. Collins canât outright say it but heâs on the admissions board and decides who gets to join his lab. He was adamant that both of you join him in Boston.â
âBut we havenât evenââ
âI know, but the application is a formality at this point.â She waves a dismissive hand. âYour work speaks for itself.â
Wonwoo is still there, clenching your hand for dear life. Waiting for the other shoe to drop because there is no way â no way â itâs this easy. Months at each other's throat from the tension and for nothing. Youâre sweaty, heart thumping loud enough it might break from your chest and skitter on Dr. Wagnerâs desk. She keeps talking and you still havenât looked at Wonwoo.
âIâm so proud of you both!â she beams. âAnd Iâm sorry if IâveâŠcomplicated thingsâŠfor the two of you. It was never my intention. Now, go! Rest! Take the day off and celebrate. Send me the links to your applications and Iâll do my part so you can finally relax before finals.â
The pair of you shuffle outside like zombies. In broad daylight, the world keeps spinning and someone drops their coffee a little further down the street and curses a storm; a car honks at a biker, there's packs of students shuffling around where you stand dumbfounded. Your sweater does little to block the chill of late November wind.
Wonwoo still hasnât let go of your hand.
âDid that just happen?â he asks.
âWhat the fuck.â
âWhat the fuck.â
Your laughing, deranged and fatigued cackles that earn several looks but on the cusps of finals itâs not uncommon enough to stop anyone out of concern. âWhat the fuck!â
Youâre not sure what to do. Celebrate? Cry?Â
Itâs a little bit of both as Wonwoo swoops in, wrapping his arms around you tight enough to squeeze a surprised scream from your lungs. Heâs not done, lifting and spinning you around in a quick circle before crying, âWhat the fuck!â
You laugh, snorting ugly cackles as he almost drops you with both of you gasping for breath. Completely deranged but what just happened that the rift between you momentarily heals.
Wonwoo sets you down gently but keeps close, his hands your waist like heâs afraid to let go. Like heâs missed you just as much as youâve missed him. You finally look at him, and itâs the first breath of air after drowning for hours. The creases around his eye, the happy wrinkles around his nose. His hair is long enough it brushes your skin where your foreheads almost touch. His hold is like a cocoon of warmth.
âIâm sorry!â you blurt. âIâm so fucking sorry. Iâm stupid and stubborn and Iâve been so caught up in this program that Iââ
âNo,â he shakes his head, arms tightening as you squirm in his hold.
âLet me finish.â
âNo,â he says. âI like that you're stubborn and a pain in the ass. And it wasnât fair that I expected you to just push aside something like grad school for me. I was being selfish andââ
âI love you.â
You might say it again just to see the way he chokes and turns purple; pulls you closer. Heâs at a loss for words and you capitalize on the moment.
âIâve thought about what would happen if I didnât get in, like a million different possibilities and never once were you not there. I felt likeâŠI donât know, honestly. Like I was losing you and it was easier to be upset about the program than admit that. It was stupid and Iâm stupid, and Iâm really bad at speeches soâŠfeel free to shut me up or whatever.â
You wait for him to process what youâve said â a million emotions swiping across his face. Ridiculous some people act like heâs the embodiment of stoicism because if you know what to look for then theyâd realize heâs terrible at hiding the way he feels.
âYou love me?â
All that crying you did in the past few weeks means nothing because you could cry right now. But you donât look away, you donât ever want to look away from him again because youâd miss the way his face softens.
âWell, weâve been dating for the past three years. Itâs about time I told you.â
Wonwoo doesnât speak, facing morphing into confusion before he scoffs with disbelief. âYouâre so annoying.â
âHey!â you stomp but Wonwoo pulls you closer, buries his face in your neck and squeezes so tight something feels on the verge of popping in your spine. His ears burn red as he whispers those three words back quietly enough you strain to hear them. He bites your shoulder just to be an asshole.
âWhat the hell was that for?âÂ
He does it again.
âStop biting me you freak, weâre in public.â You pinch his side for good measure and only then does he smash the side of his face to yours and begin walking you backwards, in the direction of your apartment.
âWhatever, you love me.â
He lets you walk normally at the cross walk, your hand in his, both tangled in the warmth of the pocket of his sweatshirt because itâs fucking cold and the wind isnât helping. Wonwoo drags you straight home, up the stairs, and crowds you against the door and kisses you until you canât breathe.
âWhy are you crying?â
You are. You donât even realize it had started until you reach up and feel the dampness on your cheeks.
âProbably because I havenât slept in two days and I missed you, idiot.â Wonwoo kisses you flat on the mouth again at the confession, smiling big enough itâs less of a kiss and more of teeth pressed together. But itâs good. You like it. You speak into his mouth, âI promise I would have really âsloppy I love you sexâ but Iâm so tired I think I might throw up.â
âYou missed me.â he hums, more of a statement than a question.
âYeah, big head, I missed you. Now letâs sleep.â
âGod,â he moans, biting his lip in mock pleasure. Maybe even real pleasure at the idea of a Friday afternoon full of nothing but hazy dreams in silence rarely found in a frat house. âI love you too.â
You undress straight down to your underwear. Cotton with a conservative cut because in no universe did you think youâd end the day with Wonwoo back in your orbit. Wonwoo who loves you, Wonwoo who you love back. But he eyes you like youâre a grand prize and all he wants is to touch you. But the rush of adrenaline keeping you conscious is burning out quickly.
He strips too, nothing but boxers and circles under his eyes but heâs happy. It radiates off him in waves and if you werenât part of it, youâd throw something at him because itâd be annoying. You might just be glowing too.
You slip under the covers and Wonwoo snuggles up behind you, a second skin with his hand flat to your stomach to keep you from going anywhere. Not that you would. You donât even remember falling asleep.Â
When you wake up, itâs dark outside; which could mean itâs been minutes or hours since the winter sun likes to deep beneath the horizon early in the afternoon. Itâs the best sleep youâve had in weeks.
Everything is warm; your body beneath the comforter, where sweat sticks at your back, the lips dragging across the curve of your neck, Wonwooâs crotch firm between your legs.
âGood morning to me,â you sigh.
He hums in happy agreement, tongue traces the shell of your ear before kissing across your cheek and chin and finally landing on your mouth with a kiss that can only be described as sappy.
âGot started without me?â Your hands press under his underwear, two palms full of his ass holding him still enough to grind up into. Something about a sleepy make out has you hungry to lay there and take whatever heâll offer.
âIâll catch you up, donât worry.âÂ
You snicker, âNo wonder those freshmen have crushes on you.â
âWhat do you mean?â He traces your naked sides with his fingers.
âIâll catch you up,â you mock, then wince from a razor of his teeth as he shifts down your chest. âIf you were my TA, Iâd try to fuck you.â
âIâm trying to haveâ sloppy I love you sexâ and youâre trying to goad me into some student teacher shit?â
He bites your side, just a nip but you flare and blush anyway. âOoooo, tell me Iâm bad.â
âYouâre annoying.â
âYou love me.â
âAs I was saying,â he whispers into your stomach, fingers tugging your panties off. âSloppy I love you sex.â
âOkay, okay.â You sink a hand in his hair only for him to tug it away, fingers laced together over your sternum as he strokes you to life. âO-oh, thatâsâfuck.â
He hikes a leg up over his shoulder, out of the way for the fingers that satisfy the empty squeeze in your gut. Your tongue prickles with another goad but Wonwoo senses it first and swiftly works to silence you with a hot kiss to your clit that makes your vision bleed red.
The cold of the room works in his favor, pinching your nipples tight until you cave to the need to touch yourself. If the light was on then heâd watch and you get the urge to pause the action just for the chance to watch him watch you.
âDonât stop,â you grunt.Â
He eats it filthy, spit and arousal forming a wet mess slipping down your ass. The way his tongue lashes is nothing short of despicable and you know youâre the one that taught him that and you canât help but flare with pride. âIâm gonna cum, Iâm gonna cum, Iâmââ you chant blindly.
The warmth between your legs surrounds, suffocates until your thighs go numb and your shoulders pull away from the mattress with a groan rivaling porn; but you mean it. Wonwoo means it too.Â
You clench harder, revitalized in the stretch of another finger and a clip of teeth on your clit. You tug at your still clasped hands on your chest, bite into the meat of his palm and let the flood consume you with stiff legs and tears in your eyes. âOh, Wonwoo â u-ugh. Fuck. Fuck.â
Wonwoo takes it, mouth waiting for every eager roll of your hips; completely unphased until you melt back in the sheets with a pathetic mewl.
He kisses up your body, mouth and cheeks wet and warm. When he reaches your mouth you resist the urge to lick him clean. Something about that feels decidedly unlike sloppy I love you sex. So you slip your tongue between his lips instead and spread your legs until his crotch is level with the raw sensitivity of your own.
âRoll over,â you pant.
Like an asshole, he laughs. And then he drops his weight behind his hips and you actually see stars. âWanna do it like this.â
âMake love to me,â you croon.
He doesnât even pretend to stifle the obnoxious snort. âDonât ever say that again.â
âWhat happened to sloppy I love you sex?âÂ
âGetting to it. You like it when I come inside you?â Now heâs the one goading and youâre blushing like youâve never fucked him before. To be fair, you havenât fucked him as the man youâre in love with so itâs a first time for the both of you. Wonwooâs drunk on the power of having you stutter through something so familiar yet new.
âLove it.âÂ
âGood,â he agrees with a saccharine peck to your nose that makes you feel like a doe eyed virgin again. âI love you.â
Your need for games and pretense dissolves. You just want Wonwoo, all of him, until you canât take it any more.Â
Wonwoo senses the change, noses against your cheek before kissing you. Heâs still holding your hand, the other cupping your jaw, thumb tracing the curve of flesh. Itâs vulnerable and soft and something you probably couldâve experienced years ago if you werenât willfully blind.
âI love you, too.â
You whisper the confession so quietly it doesnât even make a sound but Wonwoo figures it out because he surges into action, pulling you to the center of the mattress in all your naked glory. The flood light from the side of the building reflects back in through the slats in the blinds and Wonwoo sits up to soak in what he can see in the limited light.
Twisting a hand in his hair, you pull him down for a kiss; forcing all the emotions you have to the surface. He doesnât make you wait. Instead, he drops flat, flat together from head to toe as he slips inside. Youâre still tight and sensitive, squirming at the feeling of being stretched so thin with Wonwoo wrapped tight in your arms.
âW-wonwoo,â you mewl. You know he loves the sound of his name, any time, in desperate moans and sleepy coos. Youâll say it as much as he wants to hear if he kisses you like he is now â with something new at the edge. Something needy. âMore.â
He wraps your legs around his hips, folding you clean in half with a heavy rut into your pussy youâll feel for days. You both want to drag this out â take hours to come apart and come together again and again â but Wonwoo is already working a hand between your bodies; stroking you over hot coals just to hear you moan his name again.
In record speed, you feel that familiar burn creeping along your spine. He fucks you into a wet mess and itâs all you can do to hold on and claw up his back. Breaks you into something limp and pliant, hands twisted together over head; tugs at that loose thread over and over until you unravel beneath him and Wonwoo watches like itâs magic.
âOh- oh, Wonwooââ you cry. Actually cry. Tears he swipes away with a thumb before pressing his mouth to yours.
Youâre swollen and stiff, muscles taunt while they twitch from a rush of complete bliss.
âM cumming, baby â oh my god.â Wonwoo bucks into the tight squeeze of your legs, deeper, harder, more. âLove youâfuck.â
He hides with soft sighs in your neck, skin sticky where you both slide together. You cradle him to your chest, fingers rushing through the sweaty tangles on his hair gently. A kiss to his head, his brow, his nose that wrinkles from pure content.
But youâre not done yet.
You wiggle from beneath him, peeling yourself off the pillows, lower half still numb from one hell of an orgasm. But you want more, insatiable and doped on years of repressed fondness. âCan you go again?âÂ
Wonwoo looks like you asked him to run a marathon. âYou want me to die?â
âWorse ways to go,â you coo, sinking low enough to take his cock in your mouth. It tastes like you and him and it makes your eyes roll.
âGod. I didnât know sappy sex meant youâd try to kill me,â he moans airly under your ministrations, a hand at the back of your head when you show off with a nose to his crotch before sliding off. âYouâre evil.â
âIâm in love with a sexy nerd and I'm horny,â you sigh dreamily, thrilled with the way he pulses in your hold.
âYeah, wellâŠâ he gives up on whatever rebuttal under the weight of your body on top of his. Nothing he can argue with in that statement anyway so you tease him with a kiss, smile when he chases your mouth, roll when you realize he can taste the mix of you both off your tongue.
âYou knowâŠIâll need a roommate in Boston.â
âHuh,â Wonwoo feigns. His focus is on the way your tug at his cock, spit and cum webbed between your fingers. This isnât the best way to have this conversation but youâre both high on sleep deprivation, love, and orgasms and it encourages loose lips.
âKnow anyone interested?â
He shudders back into the pillow, leaving his neck open for your teeth with a choked, âYeah.â
âWho?â
âMe.âÂ
âYeah?â
âYeah âfuckâwanna wake up to you every morning.â
âEven if Iâm a cranky bitch?â Your knees bracket his hips, cunt split on his cock as you grind against the underside.
His stomach caves as he responds with a thin voice, âyeah.â
You like waking up to him too. Falling asleep with him tangled in your body, listening to him hum in the shower when he thinks you arenât listening. Sometimes he even sings with a little encouragement like those times you were sick and the only thing that got your mind from exploding like thunderclaps was the lullabies from his childhood that he cooed into your hairline.
Starting and ending everyday with Wonwoo sounds nothing short of blissful.
âOkay.â You tangle his fingers with your own, rising on your knees to distract from the sheepish smile splitting your face in two.
âReally?â
âI like having you around,â you admit, sinking down on his cock. âMakes me feel better.â
Weird conversation over the back track of slapping skin and pathetic muffled sobs but you like it. Feels well overdue.
âA-about?â
Everything.
He gives a tender squeeze to your thigh, cradles your face in both hands, eye contact that you fight not shutter away from because itâs terrifying he can see you clearly.Â
Heâs lost; completely mesmerized by the way you bounce on the length of him, grind back into his lap like youâre possessed.
âCanât lastââ he chokes.
âSâokay,â you press the words into his cheek, his jaw, the bones jutting from around his collar. âJust wanna feel you.â
You bend and strain for his pleasure, to watch it dance across his brow as he cums inside you again, his hands heavy on your ass, your thighs, whatever he reflexively grips in a bid for grounding, nails leaving streaks of color. Twitching and jerking in sensitive painful bliss, his eyes roll back with a quick exhale. âFuck-k.â
You're sticky and used between the legs but you take comfort in the feeling and bask in the glow on top of him. Nothing but a pile of satisfied boneless goo where you lay with sweaty skin and heat you feel from the top of your head to your toes. âGood?â
âGreat,â he hums, pulling into one last toe numbing kiss.Â
When feeling returns to your bodies, you spend the rest of the night eating greasy pizza on the couch in nothing but his shirt, drinking wine straight from the bottle in celebration. You kiss Wonwoo whenever you want, which, admittedly, is a lot; a flurry of sappy pecks over his face leaves him blushing and dewy. When you fall asleep after making love once again, the last thing you hear is him saying he loves you too.
Epilogue
4 months laterâŠ
Thereâs a certain level of comfort that comes with receiving an official acceptance email. The words youâve been waiting to hear since Dr. Wagner all but confirmed your future in a fifteen minute meeting last semester.
On behalf of the Chemistry department, we are pleased to inform you that you have been accepted as a part ofâŠ
The big envelope in the mail today helped too.
Wonwoo sends a photo of his, unopened, because you promised to open them together tonight. On your date; which is nothing more than grading assignments and eating leftover take out on the couch like so many nights have been spent already. But this time heâs your boyfriend. And after all the worksheets are graded, and you get to cuddle deep into the worn couch cushions, you get to tell him you love him and heâll say it back and the flutter in your veins at the thought is nothing short of magical.Â
And this time you have a surprise waiting for him and he might just cry. Or you hope so. Youâve got $50 riding on the possibility.
Youâre sweating through your shirt from putting the new piece of furniture together for the past three hours by the time he shows up with a bag of takeout, Thai food from the place on Market where they know you by order, and a kiss youâve been missing since the morning when he left for one of his stupid workouts.Â
Wonwoo sets the bag on the counter, immediately pulling you into his arms before sagging like a deflated balloon. âPixel got adopted today.â
âReally?â
âYeah.â Heâs moping. He accepts your placating kiss with a pout, and starts unpacking the food.
You feel the smallest flutter of guilt but it's worth it. âThat sucks.âÂ
âShe needed a good home.â Wonwoo confirms and that's the end of the conversation.
Even in your final semester, your schedules are still packed. Crammed full with meetings, exams, work, Wonwooâs volleyball stuff that you attend with posters and sit near the other girlfriends. Itâs weird but not because its the same stuff you two were doing for years. But itâs exhausting.
So you donât blame Wonwoo for not noticing the newest addition to your apartment until heâs inhaled his food and the last third of yours.
âBabe.â
âWhat?â you ask, focusing on cutting another red slash into the white paper.
âWhatâs that?â
He points at the gigantic cat tower in the corner next to the couch. Itâs cramped in tight but in two months youâll both be in Boston with a bigger apartment with real bedrooms so itâs only temporary.
You shrug and make another mark. âOh, just something I picked up.â
âYou donât have a cat.â
âHuh. Weird.â Your eyebrows furrow in mock confusion but you keep grading papers or else itâs game over and the need to watch him puzzle together your plans is all you want. âThen whatâs the thing in the bathroom?â
âYou didnât.â
âI did,â you confirm.
Wonwoo stares open mouthed, between you and the bathroom door and back to you. He might pinch himself but he flies off the couch with childlike eagerness and your face hurts from smiling already.
Pixel spends the rest of the night curled up asleep on her new dadâs lap and youâre $50 richer. Mingyuâs girlfriend is already offering to catsit despite Mingyuâs pouts about losing money.
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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Genre: ATLA au, enemies(?) to lovers, forbidden romance, royalty au
General Warnings: violence (bending fights), injuries (mentions of broken bones, burns, blood, bruises), alcohol consumption, mentions of prostitution
Smut Warnings: multiple smut scenes, fingering, dry humping, slight exhibitionism, oral sex (f & m receiving), unprotected sex, handjob, hair pulling, marking, virgin!reader, wonwoo has a tiny bit of a corruption kink
Length: ~14k | Fic Length: ~60k
Credits: banner: @caelesjjk and @shadowkoo | betas: @tomodachiii @miniseokminnies @gyuswhore @haologram and @wqnwoos
Note: insane insane insane. i started this from a tiny little head cannon forever ago and when i started writing i anticipated maybe 20k max. but im a liar because this quickly excelled that by a landslide. i hope yall enjoy this monster of a fic as much as i did writing it. i'll be uploading each part with one day in between. p.s i used the ATLA wiki to build a believable setting for this but it really diverges from cannon and doesn't mention any of the original characters from the cartoon.
summary: Wonwoo is the best fire bender in Capitol City. Or he is. But a water bender he's never seen before changes everything.
| Part 1 | Part 2 | Part 3 | Part 4 |
m.list
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Ranchous voices filled the warehouse, deafening as the hoard of bodies looking for a night of gruesome entertainment flooded the stands. Steam and smoke and dust clogged the air, only cleared by the occasional rush of wind the massive hole in the ceiling that showed the clear night sky above, the moon barely half full and the stars dusted across the sky.
Wonwoo watched from the catwalk criss-crossing high above the ring like always. He wonât fight until later, not until someone was dumb enough to challenge him once the adrenaline of the smaller spars bubbles to their head and they decide they would be the one to end his winning streak proudly tallied on the leaderboard.Â
But for now he stood on the metal platform. Below, Jihoon launched a clay disk at his opponent with terrifying speed. With a wide swing of his arm, Chan knocked it aside before it could land, spinning off balance from the recoil.
Too easy. But no matter how many times the two fight, Chan never catches on to Jihoonâs tricks until it's too late. Jihoon hurled a second disc â cracking it into pieces with a squeeze of his fist â at Chanâs head. The airbender managed to dodge the first piece but the other two landed true, crumbling him to his knees. The crowd fell into a frenzy of starved animals, foaming at the mouth as a tally mark appeared next to Jihoonâs name on the victory board.
Wonwooâs name sat on the next line above, so many tallies they nearly ran off the side of the sheet of repurposed metal.Â
He rarely lost. Dokyeom might force a draw for fear the building would burn down if a fight dragged on; but the last time that happened was nearly two years ago when Seungcheol demanded one final fight before retiring. They both walked away with matching black eyes and limps, his friend with singed uneven hair, and Wonwoo with a concussion and a dislocated shoulder.
It was one of the few fights Wonwoo didnât mind losing. Defeat was much sweeter when he got paid half the betting pool for it.
The next fight geared up to start; another air bender and a fire bender racing into the ring. Wonwoo rarely cared to watch their fights. Hoshi lacked finesse, relying on overwhelming his opponents, while Seungkwanâs temper historically ended the match before it could really begin. But it never stopped the audience from rushing to place their bets with Jeonghan like always.
Deciding he needed a drink for the chaos about to unfold, Wonwoo descended the stairs towards the crude bar in the corner of the upper tier of the stands. Itâs nothing more than a shabby counter top, covered with colorful bottles and cracked cups.
The sting of fire whisky going down didnât shock his system nearly as much as the woman leaning against the wall; watching him, gaze heavy on his skin even in the dim light.Â
Rounding the bartop, Wonwoo didnât look away as he approached. If you balked under his gaze, he canât decipher a tell; only a satisfied smile pulling the corner of your lips high and your eyelids lowering until his chest brushes yours.
His arm rests above your shoulder, pinning you beneath his gaze. âYouâre staring at me.â
It isnât a question, it's an accusation. And youâre more than guilty.
âAnd what are you going to do about it?â You asked, chin tilting back defiantly, eyes narrowed. Wonwoo makes the mistake of looking at your mouth, hypnotized by the tantalizing pout of flesh as it slips into a smirk. He walked right into your trap before he even knew what was happening.
He dipped closer, eyes still on your lips. âWhat's your name?â
Just as your nose brushed his own, you melted off the wall and under his arm. Wonwoo cut a glance over his shoulder to find you stalking backwards into the crowd, eyes never leaving his until you're swallowed into the fold without a trace.
The dare was so obvious in your gaze. Paired with the teasing words, Wonwoo felt something surge inside him. That hot need to chase, to tease you back. To find out if your boldness evaporated with enough attention or if youâd use the same haughty tone to chaste him in private.
Wonwoo moved to do just that but heâs called to the ring for the next fight.
âOur reigning champion, the man of fire,â Dokyeom preened dramatically into the mic. The crowd roared in enthusiastic response. âThe longest running victor in bending battle history!â
People parted as Wonwoo approached the walkway leading to the isolated platform surrounded by a steep drop off into a pool of water. Maybe he reveled in the applause and anticipatory cheers longer than necessary but if anyoneâs earned it, he has.
âAnd our newest challenger!â
The poor idiot who signed up to fight shouldnât last too long, Wonwoo isnât interested in dragged out humiliation. Especially not now. Hopefully, he can end this quickly and find you again, bargain his victory for your name and maybe some time alone.
But, as swiftly as his hopes ignited, they crumbled to ash. Dokyeom continued his rambling as you flashed a smug smile across the ring.
He faltered for only a moment before continuing towards the center of the ring. Out of the dark, he failed to decipher anything that might give him advantage. You lacked the breezeness of an airbender, posture too rigid, the cocky defiance from earlier still present. Maybe an earthbender. Or better yet, a firebender.
Your eyes trickle down his form. Only one of you is at a disadvantage so far but it wonât remain that way for long. Wonwoo thrives on a challenge, and after so long without one his heart squeezed in excitement.
âGood luck.â
You remained silent, eying Wonwooâs outstretched hand before ignoring it, turning towards your side of the platform with your nose in the air.
Gasps of shock erupted around the warehouse. The stands circling the platform were fuller than before, even the people who only came to socialize found a sudden interest in the stranger bold enough to snub the best. Wonwoo paid them no mind. Youâre the most interesting opponent heâs had in a long time.
Words from earlier echoed in his ears.
What are you going to do about it?
Wonwoo followed suit and retreated to his post with a few grounding breaths. The flame inside him grew in preparation. Hungry. Vicious. It raged until there's nowhere for the fire to go but out.
The starting bell cut the air; immediately he's on the offensive, dropping into a low stance, arms drawn into his side before the shrill sound stopped. A swift punch launched a huge fireball from his fist, a swell of heat surging through his veins as it sails over the ring with terrifying speed. Then another and another, fast enough that just as one dissipates, itâs already replaced with a new explosion of flames.
Barely any smoke filled the air when they dissolved. They were nothing more than a cheap scare tactic; completely hollow shells aimed to intimidate rather than maim. The fight is just starting and there's no reason to throw his best moves just yet.
You sidestepped each blow, dipping close to the floor before rising again and twirling out of the way with catlike grace. Wonwoo lobbed the next one right in your path but you adapt without pause. Like youâre dancing around the fire. With the fire.Â
Wonwoo rushed forward, taking the advantage to drive you towards the edge of the platform, refusing to grant an ounce of reprieve. Not that you needed it. Every blow is avoided even as he adds more punch to the moves, each burning hotter and brighter than the one previous.
He maintained a healthy distance, plenty of room to keep the heat away from himself as his arms sweep and a ring of fire slices at your feet, close enough to singe the edge of your boots before you can avoid it completely. But you dove through the opening and rolled back to your feet, as if you expected the blow.
Wonwoo sliced his hand through the air, a razor thin whip of flame bursting forth to lick against your chin, close enough to feel the heat but Wonwoo maintains control. You couldâve blocked the move but you retreat again, eyes furious at the smoke of burnt hair jagged from contact dangling next to your jaw.
Wonwoo canât detect any attempt at bending. The clay disks stacked at the edge of the ring remained unmoved, the air undisturbed. Thereâs no pull at the flames heâs conjuring, no hint that you're manipulating his own fire against him.
After another one sided volley of hits, your refusal to fight began to wear on his nerves. He harnessed more flame with a sweep of his leg, a swift stomp sending it over your head before it exploded and knocked you to your knees. You controlled the impact and roll to a crouch, eyes blazing,
âIs that really all youâve got?â you said, shoulders squared but lax.Â
Thereâs no teasing in your voice, if anything itâs cold disappointment. To Wonwooâs shame, a hot bolt of want ran through him. Images of you whispering the same words, with the same haughty tone, flashed in his mind; back in the dark corner near the bar where you started this entire game; back in one of the many unused rooms of the warehouse with just you and him and no one else to watch him earn your approval.
Your leg circled around and Wonwoo prepared himself for something of interest to finally happen but you used the momentum to raise back on your feet and brace for the next round.
Wonwoo realized you must be a waterbender. The way you moved, melting around every attack, shifting with impressive flexibility, was a dead giveaway. That or just plain stupid. If you walked into this fight with no bending then it was only a matter of time before you cut your losses and yielded.Â
Only one way to find out.
A towering wall of pure flame, large enough itâd scare even him to be on the receiving end, swelled in front of Wonwoo. The crowd roared in excitement, feral for the inevitable end to the match. There was nowhere for you to evade this time. It was either into the flame or off the backend of the platform.Â
A flat footed kick sent the wave barreling directly at you, consuming more oxygen and growing wider with rapid speed.
The flood of fire forced your hand. A tsunami of water rose from the grates criss-crossing the ring, geysers gushing with enough pressure to shake the floor. A sharp hiss echoes as opposing elements collided in an explosion of steam thick enough to clog the entire warehouse. So dense Wonwoo canât see in front of his own nose.
Wonwoo stood unfazed, even as the crowd distantly murmured in confusion. Now, the game truly began.
âCome out, come out, wherever you are,â he called, listening. Waiting.
A splash behind him is the only warning of your presence. Wonwoo slashed his leg through the air, an arch of flame slicing through the fog providing a brief glimpse of visibility before it sealed back up. However, it did nothing more, you werenât there.
âLongest running victor in battle history, and he canât even land a hit,â you tsked.
Wonwoo jerked at the sound of your voice, so close he expected to find you right behind him but heâs only met with a faceful of powder.
A fucking snowball?
You must have been close enough to see the scowl twisting his face because you giggled before launching another.
âCanât handle a little water?â you snorted.
Under different circumstances, ones not involving you pelting him like a child, Wonwoo might have enjoyed the sound. He might have even wanted to find out what the sound tastes like on his tongue.Â
Another snowball, this one more ice than anything, collided with his chin and that desire turned into cinders. He whipped fire towards the noise but missed.
Arms raised, he feigned as if to launch another and instead harnessed his breath and forced a wider arch of flame to evaporate the fog youâve hidden in. Wonwoo found you evading from the corner of his eye and used the moment of weakness to spring into action.
Except you crumbled with a choked scream and the sudden rush of victory tastes like ash.
Three wide strides and Wonwoo was there, hunched and ready for the next blow; ready for another one of your tricks. But your choppy breathing extinguished his competitiveness. The air reeked of burnt. The entire ring smoldered with heat.
He shouldâve known better; especially with you. So clearly unprepared for the intensity of a fight like this. Dokyeom should never have let you put your name down to fight, let alone against Wonwoo.
Acrid smoke rose from the discolored collar of your tunic; too close to hope he hasnât burnt your face but he does anyway. Wonwoo prepared for the worst as he rolled you over, already yelling for a healer.
He isnât prepared for an icy fist straight to his nose with enough force to send him onto his back. âWhat the fuck?â
Another blow landed on the back of his head. Hot blood rushed forward as the next punch lands with a grotesque crunch against his nose. His skin stung with cold, eyes burning from the sudden influx of pain.
Long channels of water with blunt frozen ends sprouted from the grates like a watery forest. You stood unscathed amongst the pulsing curtains, smiling like a lunatic.
Wonwoo covered his head from the brunt of attacks. His nose was broken and one of his eyes was already swelling shut. A torrent of water collapsed over him, bearing down with the power of a waterfall. His knees buckled. The air in his lungs abandoned him.
In a last ditch attempt to save his pride, he thrusted his hand forward. The reek of ozone clouded the warehouse as electricity splintered towards you.
And as if itâs nothing, you redirected the bolt of lightning through the opening in the warehouse roof as Wonwoo watches in shock.
The warehouse went silent. Seconds grew into minutes but no one moved as you rose into a lazy stance.Â
Wonwoo watched through sweat and blood, dark spots floating in his vision as the sound of your boots grew closer.
âHow disappointing,â you sighed just loud enough for him to hear before striding towards the platform and out of view.
When the echo of your footsteps faded, Wonwoo sank into darkness.
In the late hour, the Middle District streets buzzed with life. Vendors shouted, hawking their wares, boasting exotic produce and clothing with incatract embroidery from the farthest reaches of the world. Taverns packed with patrons singing and hollering in drunken glee. The smell of fried dough and roasted meat wafted through the air.
Mingyu was easily distracted with every stall he passed. Why, you had no idea. Even as a guard he could get the
best quality of anything he wanted at the palace; food, clothing, drink. But he stuck his nose in the air as the scraggly old man refuses to barter over the bruised moon peaches and wanders down the aisle to another stand with the exact same selection and even more wrinkled merchant.
In the midst of his discussion on cherry nuts, you slipped away, down one of the cramped alleys choked with smoke and shouts of people enjoying the balmy night.Â
No one looked in your direction twice as you meandered through crowded walkways, children squealing as they chased each other and adults shouting in annoyance when one bounces off their knees. In all the chaos, it was easier to disappear and actually explore without Mingyu hovering like an anxious mother hen. If anyone would get you two caught for sneaking out of the palace, it was him. Even in servantâs clothes, you couldnât help but feel woefully out of place and he wasnât helping.
The side streets were calmer; veins flowing slowly into the heart of main street. People moved in lazy sways, some appearing to only remain vertical from leaning against door frames into dark hallways. The lanterns strung above cast an oily sheen on the cobblestone. If you remembered the archive maps correctly, the Gaiety should be close.
Even through the thick clouds above, you felt the moon swelling. Only a few more days until sheâd be full and with it came the unbearable restlessness. Mingyu only agreed to sneak you out of the palace after the fight weeks ago because youâd nearly taken his head off while sparring.Â
A night away, somewhere new. Somewhere to take out the energy without nearly killing him. The warehouse out in the harbor was out of question after the fight weeks ago. Not with the way you made a spectacle of the cocky firebender youâd studied for weeks. Mingyu threatened to rat you out if you thought for a second to step back in there. At least itâd been worth the loss; Wonwooâs face as you redirected his lightning like it was nothing was worth every second of Mingyu's anger.
No longer feeling like one of your grandmotherâs koi, swimming in endless circles of the garden pond, you forced your shoulders to slouch, chin tipping down to obscure your face beneath the wide brim of your hat.
Most of the buildings lining the street are shabby; peeling paint, splintered windows, wooden steps on the brink of collapsing from years of rot. Most are alive with noise, men and women crowded around low tables just beyond the door, wine flowing like a river and laughter spilling from open windows.
Further down, where the lanterns are more sparse with red shades casting everything in an eerie glow, the air grows thick with smoke. The street twisted like a grotesque snake, turning at harsh angles to hide whatever waited beyond, tangled in indecipherable turns. Buildings were little more than shacks, each leaning on the one next to it for support; stacked like a house of precariously stacked cards one gust of wind away from crashing down. Plenty of alleys jutted off into darkness, shadows shifting with scantily clad women and what looked like couples making no attempt to obscure what was clearly taking place. A small crowd still mills about, some ogling but most too absorbed in their own merriment.Â
Just like when that firebender hit you with lightning, hairs all over your body stood on end. This place is wrong. You need to leave. Now.
Turning to do so, you found yourself nose to nose with a man completely blocking your vision.
âWhat is a pretty girl like you doing all alone?â he said, clearly drunk from his haphazard slant. That, or incredibly stupid. His breath stung your nose, bile rising at the scent of liquor.
Water, or something resembling it enough to heed your command, rocketed from a nearby drain pipe. The thick haze over the area dissipated in an instant, all eyes on the man frozen to the rickety wall of a nearby building, face turning purple as he shouted indignantly.Â
You stared for a moment, stunned by your own hand. And then, you ran.
People shouted as you crashed through them, feet pounding on the uneven stone road. Several sets of footsteps chase, gaining by the sound of it, all calling for you to stop. You pushed yourself to run faster, so hard your muscles burned but you pressed forward.
Lungs screaming for breath, you rounded the entrance to the main street in time for someone to snag your arm in a vice grip.
âLet me gââ Your scream is muffled by your captor forcing your face into his chest, arm slipping around your shoulders to keep you from breaking free. You fought but couldnât break free.
âWalk, donât look backâ a deep voice rumbled.Â
The hands were too warm to belong to your guard â not that youâd be lucky enough to run into Mingyu and make it back to the palace so easily â completely unfamiliar and unnecessarily rough. Between the guards still in pursuit not far behind and the man already dragging you through the crowd, you preferred the odds of whatever this new stranger had planned.
Out of the side street, your new captor maneuvered hastily. People parted on either side of your path, allowing more distance to grow between you and the mob, but their yells licked at your heels. You chanced a glance up and found the very firebender youâd humiliated weeks ago. Features schooled in a neutral expression, Wonwoo kept moving further down the street, steps so wide it was difficult to keep up.Â
âNext intersection go right.âÂ
Your heels dug into the ground, refusing to move another step with this man. No way he took that beating weeks ago and wasnât holding a grudge. You humiliated him in public, in front of his friends and probably a few enemies; few men would take that without protest and pass up an opportunity for revenge.
âTrust me, princess.â
The word striked frigid fear through your veins like ice. But he kept his eyes forward, constantly scanning the crowd and using the momentary pause to push you forward. You bounced off another couple as you stumbled to do as he says, face still hidden in the collar of his shirt. The street is still wet from last nightâs rain and the water calls in reassurance.Â
Wonwoo underestimated you, like so many others. Even though he didnât look smug about knowing your identity he was still a threat. Perhaps he thought your victory was a fluke but you were prepared to remind him what defeat tasted like.
But first, you needed to lose your pursuers. And for now, Wonwoo served that purpose.
The street he turned you down was far calmer, but no less packed. The bodies moved in a gentle pulse unlike the crush of the central avenue. Wonwoo pressed forward but not as urgently, flowing with the ebb of foot traffic.
Your muscles tensed as distance from the main street grew, prepared for Wonwoo to strike. To pull you into one of the shadowed alleyways and challenge you to another brawl. But there were too many witnesses here for him to do much, not to mention all the buildings made of wood. Unless he was a unique type of stupid.Â
But, surely this was far enough to shed him. Another busy street was not far ahead, one you recognized; farther south from the palace than youâd like but youâd make do. You just needed to find Mingyu and get back to the tunnels before Wonwoo caught back up.
Preparing yourself to run, you chanced another look to see if guards from earlier were well and truly gone. The chaos of before hadnât followed, no shouts or discontent from the people left in your wake. But you couldnât be sure until youâ
âDonât look.â
You huffed but faced forward once more. âI wasnât going to!â
âYes, you were,â Wonwoo swallowed something like a laugh.Â
How dare he! If he thought he could take you captive and chastise you like a rebellious child then he had another thing coming.Â
You jumped to your toes, twisting against his tight grip at your waist to peer back. Only to find one of the men from earlier already staring straight at you.
âHey! Stop right there!â
âYou looked,â Wonwoo groaned. âRun!â
Turning again, you froze the lanky manâs feet to the ground. He stumbled at the unexpected set back, crashing into passersby who seemed none too pleased but you could only assume from indigent yelling as Wonwoo dragged you away.
âIn here,â Wonwoo whispered, shoving you into a dark alley, barely more than a divot between buildings before he followed suit.
His body pressed tight against yours from knee to shoulder. Like back in the warehouse. When he nearly pinned you against the wall and almost made you forget the entire reason you went at all that night. When he tempted you with a different challenge than what you planned to offer. You might have considered the proposition if Wonwoo hadnât failed so spectacularly; let him prove his worth beyond bending.Â
In the dark, you tripped over the slick paced ground and fell straight into Wonwooâs chest. With your hands planted on his shoulders, you felt his lungs stretch around gulps of air. Under more pleasant circumstances youâd remember the impropriety of it all. Alone with a man, in a dark corner of the city; breath mingled in choppy pants, the heat of him sinking straight into your bones with his thigh between your knees. And his hands. Such rough, warm hands pinned against your sides. If anyone saw then theyâd see a couple unable to wait for a more private location.
But you didnât find yourself caring in the slightest. Not about propriety or even the fact that Wonwoo all but admitted he knowingly fought a member of the royal family and was now doing something even more scandalous. You couldnât think when you were wedged so tightly between a wall and a man, intimate proximity youâve never experienced before. The miraculous way his palms fit perfectly against your hips, how his breath ghosted against your forehead and the deep rumble of his voiceâ
âWhat were you doing?â he said. âAre you trying to get yourself arrested?â
If only heâd shut his mouth long enough for you to enjoy the fantasy of being like any other woman in the kingdom, free to touch and be touched. But the reprimand shattered the short lived dream.
âThey wouldnât have arrested me,â you huff indignitaly. âI had it under control! Or do you need a reminder?â
âBy all means, freeze me to a wall! That went so well last time, didnât it? Maybe this time you can just wait around for them to catch you.â
âMaybe I will!â You jabbed a finger into his chest, momentarily shocked by the firm muscles there, before ducking out of the alcove and back onto the street before doing something stupid with the new information.
But Wonwoo yanked you back into the shadows just in time for one of the men to run past. âDo you even know where youâre going?â
âOf course I do!â you silently scream. âWhy wouldnât I?â
âBecause only an idiot would visit the Red Lanterns alone. Especially a woman. You clearly didnât belong there.â
He said woman, not princess. Maybe he didnât know. Maybe it was a stupid nickname you were looking far too much into. There was no reason he should have recognized you. Your grandmother was so fiercely protective of her sole heir apparent that she hardly let you explore even the farthest corners of the palace grounds, let alone appear somewhere subjects got close enough to make out a single feature beyond your silhouette next to her. Only nobles, guardsmen, and servants would recognize you and the entire appeal of visiting the Middle District was none of them would be here. No one would know their princess was among them.
âOh? And how do you know?â
âYouâd be a lousy prostitute if you froze all your customers to a wall.â
You watched his face for any hint of dishonesty but he stared right back, eyes blazing with the same contagious annoyance. He didnât know. His heart raced beneath your palm but didnât stutter with dishonesty.
âThen what were you doing there?â
âI saw you earlier and thoughtâŠit doesnât matter.â He eyed the disgust on your face before sighing. âJust tell me where youâre going and Iâll help you get there.â
âThought what?â you gritted.
The air thickened with silence as different emotions flashed across Wonwooâs face. He was no better than the drunk who tried to proposition you. Your thoughts might have devolved into something less than proper but youâd never act on it. If he thought he could justâ
âNo!â he shouted, eyes wide and bright red despite the dark. âThatâs notâŠI wanted to challenge you to a rematch and then you went and got yourself into a fight.â
âSo you were stalking me?â
âYouâre in my neighborhood, waterbender. How do I know youâre not stalking me?â
You snorted at that in an attempt to ignore his muscles flexing between your thighs. He couldnât have not noticed how compromising the position was. If he dipped his chin you could easily kiss him. Not that you would. Ladies did not kiss strange men in alleys; especially not princesses. Even if the strange man was incredibly handsome. And muscular.Â
âWhy would I need to stalk you for a rematch? I know where to find you if I need a confidence boost.â
Whether you liked it or not â and you most certainly didnât â you were stuck with Wonwoo until you could shake him and the group of Middle District guards after you. Something tells you even if you did tell him you knew exactly where you needed to go, heâd follow just out of sight. That simply wouldnât do if you wanted to keep your identity a secret; assuming he truly didnât know.
Which meant he really did want to help; at least for now. As you peered back up, the fading bruises littering his jaw came into focus. Ugly splotches of yellow and green. Gifts you gave him freely and would happily supply more in spades but there is a twinge of guilt souring your stomach
âDid I do this?â
âYeah,â he released a long breath through his nose, subtly leaning into your finger unconsciously tracing the marks. Someone did a good job healing him. âAnd you broke my nose.â
âMaybe next time you should learn to block,â you teased.
The same fire from when he approached you in the warehouse burned across his face, hot enough to scorch everywhere his body touched yours. Maybe one kiss, just to see what all the fuss was about, wouldnât be so bad. The maids seemed to talk of nothing but which stableboys and guards they were kissing; how some were bad and others were good. Whatever that meant. How several were skilled at doing more vulgar activities with their mouths and hands. No matter how many times you asked, none of them ever answered what exactly they were so talented at but you read enough to have an idea.
For the briefest second, you wondered if Wonwoo would demonstrate just what it was that made the maids giggle so incessantly.
But as his head dipped closer to yours, the spell broke by the crush of reality. You needed to get back home. You needed to find Mingyu.
You looked back towards the street before speaking again, âI donât know what the street is called but my friend was checking out fruit stalls when we got split.â
âAh, yes,â Wonwoo grumbled, head tilting back against the wall behind him. âThe one street with fruit merchants. Remember anything else? Cobblestones and people? Were there buildings?â
Smartass.
âUm⊠there was a stall with spirit carvings and a tea house.â
He scrubbed his face, or attempted to. There wasnât enough room between your faces for the action so his hand hovered in the darkness awkwardly before collapsing back against your side. It seemed only then did he register his proximity, and whatever anger he clung to melted into stammering embarrassment.Â
âDid you see the sign for the tea house?â he asked, eyes on the street.
âIt was silver and had aââ
âThe Silver Dragon. I know it. Come on.â
Another check that the coast was clear and Wonwoo pulled you back into the street, arm slung over your shoulders. He navigated easily enough. Each time he spotted something suspicious ahead he pulled you towards a stall, feigning interest in whatever goods were on display while watching from the corner of his eye until he deemed it safe enough to continue towards the Silver Dragon.
Slowly the buildings became more familiar; a merchant with a unique hat, the raven eagle fountain that hosted squealing children splashing in its waters. An old woman dishing out cups of frozen watermelon juice.
A silver flag embroidered with a dragon hung limply overhead. You scanned for Mingyu but to no avail, faces passed and blended the crowd into an amorphous ocean of strangers. Wonwoo kept a firm hold on your shoulders as the crowd swayed. He gripped your bare upper arm beneath the billowing sleeve of your tunic. No one besides your maids had touched you like this; so familiar and foreign at the same time. The heat of his palms like the first lick of a fire after hours in the snow.Â
While Mingyu appeared to have moved on, the guards seemed to have doubled back. They wove through the thicket of people aggressively. Wonwoo froze, noticing at the same time that there was no way to turn around without garnering their suspicion.Â
The street choked into a tight squeeze, locking you in place as the guards surged forward. Twenty feet, then ten. Then only a single person separated you from them and desperation fanned the flame of stupidity.
Your neck strained upward, and before Wonwoo could jump back, you fisted a hand in his hair and dragged him down to meet your mouth. He hesitated before sinking into the kiss eagerly, commanding your full attention with his teeth and the, with his tongue. With another pull, he guided you into the narrow space between merchant stalls, tripping over his own feet until all you registered was the hot press of him to your front and the chill of brick behind you.Â
Itâs not like the sweet chaste kisses in the plays you grew up watching. Wonwoo demanded nothing less than your complete attention with a hot suck against your bottom lip. You copied him with clumsy eagerness.
All the thinking, the responsibilities and reminders plaguing your consciousness silenced their screaming; instinct filled its place. Your hips thrashed until his thigh slotted between your legs with dizzying firmness but then there was the want of more that had you rocking against it. In the process you brushed against a lump between his own thighs, and the instinct to rub against it was too strong to ignore.
Wonwoo only groaned before diving to lap against the sensitive skin beneath your ear. He surged forward, meeting every curl of your hips with an enthusiastic arch of his own. A hand at the base of your spine, beneath your tunic, angled you just so â completely at his whim. His other hand heated the side of your throat, tipping your head back to leave you panting with another rough press of his mouth.Â
Unconsciously, you traced his side, tugged at his shirt before letting go and only to crush the fabric again. Then your hands fell down his stomach until your palm pressed against that straining hardness and Wonwoo seized, teeth razing against your ear until you did the same.Â
âSpirits,â he exhaled through swollen lips, grinding into your hand.
You sucked him back into another kiss, laving at the swell of his bottom lip until he knocked your hand away and spread your legs for a raw drag against your core. His head tucked into the crook of your shoulder, panting breath creeping through the fabric of your top as he did it again. The press of his mouth made your pace sloppy, mindless grinds until you both groaned.
You wanted him without the frustrating barrier of clothing obscuring the warmth of his hands, his chest; to have him do something about the aching emptiness settled in your core. The pang of needing something stoked by the bruising twists of him against you.
Thereâs no sound over the roaring blood in your ears. Sparks flashed in your vision but your eyes sneak open to watch Wonwooâs face twisted in agony. You latched on to his neck â biting and licking the same way he did â until he made that noise again.
In the corner of your vision, you registered the pedestrians moving past as if nothing was happening. As if their princess wasnât concealed only feet away, pressed against a strange man with a hand sneaking beneath the tie of his pants.
But instead of embarrassment, a hot jolt squeezed your chest. No one knew. Much like the nights you snuck from the palace to explore the city, your freedom was innocuous. A way to learn what was hidden behind the false shine councilmen presented in their reports and the poetic ramblings of tutors.Â
Wonwoo could teach you about those sneaking passions that drove you mad on long nights. He already proved how much better they were when someone else wanted to resolve them.
Hours or days might have passed as you focused on coaxing out more of those delicious sounds â nail raking through his hair with every rut, rolling against him the same way waves rolled over the shore of the ocean under the full moon's pull.
Your vision blurred, unfocused on the faces walking past as Wonwoo sucked a bruise into your skin. That feeling in the pit of your gut twisted painstakingly tight like an itch you couldnât scratch. More and more, until a familiar face passed by and reality came like an ice bath.Â
Mingyu.
He couldnât see you in the shadows, and the call of his name morphed into a throaty whine as Wonwoo snaked his hand further down your spine, down the back of your pants to squeeze the curve of your ass painfully. He continued to mouth at your shoulder, unaware. When you pushed him this time he pushed back with a hungered moan until you tugged him out of hiding.
âI have to go,â you panted, melting out of his grip. Your voice was unfamiliarly husky. Everything felt slower, hazier like the smokey streets earlier.Â
His body tightened, attempting to pull you closer before letting go. Lips wet with spit, he regarded you with pure confusion. âWhat?â
But you were already back on the street before you could answer, underwear uncomfortably sticky. A problem for later; in the dark safety of your room. With vivid memories of a handsome firebender and the way his body felt surging against yours.
You chased Mingyu down the street, snatching his hand and taking off before temptation got the better of you and marched you back into the alley for Wonwoo to finish what started.Â
âWe need to leave,â you said. âNow.â
âSpirits, what did you do?â Mingyu cried.
âJust go!â
Wonwoo didnât chase, and a part of you curdled with disappointment.
Wonwoo knew he should be in bed. Sleep or not, his body needed rest after the last few nights he spent awake plagued by the nightmare of you. He couldnât concentrate. Blows heâd block with ease slipped by, bruises littered across his torso as proof. Forms heâd been drilled on for years and years to the point of muscle memory became sloppy enough for his commanders to notice.
And it was all your fault.
You were everywhere; the teasing lit of your voice, the heat of your eyes, the taste of your lips, those soft noises you made when Wonwoo pressed his cock into your core.Â
It was bad enough after the first night you challenged him. Dokyeom spent all night healing Wonwoo and it hadnât soothed the sting of humiliation. Then came the fact that no one knew who you were; Dokyeom hadnât gotten your name, Jeonghan took bets under âdeath wishâ. No one recognized you from anywhere in the city. You were a ghost.Â
But then fate granted him a second chance, only for it to slip through his fingers. Again.
He couldnât sleep, couldnât eat. Couldnât do the one thing heâs good at without being consumed by thoughts of you.
Moonlight dappled through the trees overhead, casting everything in a hazy filter of silver and shadows. Something scurried across the trail ahead and dipped into the bushes. Wonwoo was only fifteen minutes out from the barracks, too close to people for any of the bigger creatures to venture close. Even if something did come across his path, maybe it's what he needed; a new distraction from the one who's been terrorizing him non-stop.
Besides, Wonwoo was a soldier, body trained to remain vigilant even if his mind wanders. If something decided to attack he could handle it. But only fireflies and cicada crickets disturbed the stillness of the forest late at night.
He isnât sure how long he walked but the moon remained heavy and full in the sky. The sun lay far way away, deep beneath the horizon. Wonwooâs thoughts wandered farther than his feet could take him, imagining how youâd be spending a night like tonight, probably somewhere getting into more trouble. Maybe freezing another drunken pervert to a wall.
Wonwoo couldnât help but laugh at the idea. You with your nose in the air as some man begs for mercy, leaving him to rot just because you could.Â
Then, as all his thoughts of you were in the past few days, the images morphed until it was you and him. You beneath him, on top of him; him between your legs, his cock, his mouth, fingers. All of it as he tried to earn your approval.Â
There it was. The uncomfortable tightness across the crotch of his pants, the sweat at the edge of his collar. Even the most innocuous thoughts of you sent his body into a helpless frenzy. He hated it all the more because no matter what he did it never stopped. It didnât matter if he trained until his bones crumbled in on themselves, muscles wilted and spent, there was a part of him immune to exhaustion in light of you. When he took the herbs the medic recommended to help him sleep, his dreams were plagued with the most vivid visions of you; even worse than the waking ones.
It was all your fault for kissing him.Â
He could have dealt with the embarrassment of being defeated swiftly in the ring. Things happened, he wasnât immune to bad luck against a good opponent. But you kissed him, and touched him. You let Wonwoo touch you as if there wasnât a busy street of witnesses only a few feet away. You wanted him to; purred and whimpered with each drag against his thigh. If he had slipped his hand beneath your underbindings like he wanted to there would be evidence of your arousal. He wanted to do that too â where anyone could have seen him. On his knees, with his mouth between your legs as you writhed and pulled his hair until you came.
But he didnât know your name and was at the mercy of the spirits if he was ever to see you again.
Wonwoo followed the channel, meandering with every bend as his mind worked over and over. He just needed to clear his head enough for tomorrow. After that, heâd figure something out. Find a way to find you or hope you stumbled into his path once more.Â
Splashes up stream pricked his ears. The closest waterfall was at least an hour's trek upstream from the barracks, where the mountains dropped off into a steep cliff like a spirit cleaved it in half. Wonwoo didnât know how far or how long he walked but the trees were too dense to be that far out.
The ground was no longer soft from the rain days ago and allowed Wonwoo to sneak forward without sound. It was a shame the night was so clear, the shadows hugging close to the trees, not nearly enough to conceal himself in. But it was of little consequence.Â
He saw you in profile, bathed in moonlight as you stood in the river, water parted into great walls on either side. Even at a distance, Wonwoo traced the silk binding your torso and the dark leggings clinging to your thighs as you danced among the swelling waves eager to follow your whim. If he hadnât known better, it looked like the moon was focusing her gaze on you, illuminating you from beneath your skin.
The longer he looked the more he was convinced you were a spirit. No matter how close the waves came to your person, they never seemed to make contact; water completely bent to your will, under total control.
Wonwoo shuffled closer like a moth to a flame. Completely enamored with the sight before him, he didn't realize his mistake until a twig snapped beneath his foot.Â
In an instant, the sweat and humidity clinging to his clothes froze; icy crystals stinging against bare skin.
Your chuckle was barely audible over Wonwooâs hiss of discomfort. Heat flushed through his veins, melting your attack but the chill remained.
âYou know, it's getting really hard to believe you arenât stalking me,â you called. The rings of water floated around you even with divided concentration. Something like jealousy and awe rooted in his chest.
âHow was I supposed to know youâd be out in the woods tonight?â
âIâm just saying itâs convenient that you always show up when Iâm alone,â you smirked. âDonât worry. I didnât freeze anyone to a wall this time.â
Cover blown, Wonwoo approached the dry river bank. âSpeaking of that, you never said âthank youâ for saving your life.â
The whip circling your figure sagged back down into the stream. Wonwoo felt a piece of him warm that he was distracting enough to crack your focus so significantly despite the full moon. As you turned, he became privy to just how much visible through the silk bindings criss crossing your chest. âYou didnât save my life but thank you. Now, do you want to fight or can I get back to my training?â
He couldnât help but focus on the glittering drops of water cradled in your collarbone. How sweet theyâd taste on his tongue if given permission.Â
âI think Iâll watch for now.â He took a seat on the river bank, legs sprawled in front of him, a careful bend of his knees so the tent in his pants became less obvious.
âSuit yourself,â you shrug. The tentacles previously encasing you rose once again.
It was entirely inappropriate to ogle a woman in nothing but her underclothes. If Wonwoo was a better man heâd leave, or at least have the decency to pretend he wasnât staring like a starved wolf. But you were spectacular, flowing through different forms with ease that even the best trained guards in his unit would envy. You bent and stretched and twisted suggestively beneath the moonlight.
If you had a weakness, it didnât show. You bent the river to your will easily, skill that only came with years of trial and failure. Wonwoo stopped admiring the sight of bare skin and focused on your strength as you flowed into the more advanced forms. Thick branches hanging over the river snapping clean from nimble water whips, tree trunks peppered with ice daggers the size of his forearm.
He couldnât help sending a disc of flame to cut off your next water whip, collapsing it into the grass as you stared indignantly.
Another stream met a tongue of fire from his fist, a burst of steam left in its place. This time you face him with a huff and Wonwoo simply shrugged.
Wonwoo ignored your next moves. You reached over head in a wide circle, back stretched long, all the muscles and skin obstructed by the frustrating blue fabric. It wasnât until you froze a wall of water in place that he sent a blast of heat, melting the ice to drench you.Â
âOops,â he shrugged, stifling a laugh at your indignation.
Itâs not as funny when you dump half the river on him and Wonwoo was left gasping like a fish.
When he could finally breathe again, you smiled innocently with an âoopsâ of your own.Â
Then the game was on.
Unlike the disappointing night at the warehouse, Wonwoo kept up this time.
You never sparred with someone who didnât treat you as something fragile. Even Mingyu, try as he might to entertain your wishes, refused to attack with the full force he was capable of. Wonwoo didnât harbor the same concern.
Neither of you kept advantage for long. Every water whip evaporated before landing, each fireball snuffed by a wave. It was invigorating. You stood shaking and sweaty after hours of trading blow for blow, the moon already dipping low in the sky. Wonwoo didnât appear to be faring any better. The bruises on his jaw were faded but new ones stained his torso, blood trickling down his elbow from a particularly nasty ice blade. Singed holes scattered your leggings but the grass and trees claimed the brunt of damage.
It would have been so much easier to concentrate if he hadnât shed his shirt after a whip tore a jagged hole across the front, revealing a muscular torso to the pale moonlight. It was horrible knowing what beneath his clothes looked just as good as it felt the other night. Even worse when his pants ripped just above the knee and you caught a glimpse of his thigh.
The entire reason you even snuck out tonight was because of him. His taste, the feel of him pressed against you so intimately. It haunted you day and night â in sleep, while awake, in meetings, when you were all alone. There was nowhere you could go without the memory of his body against yours; nowhere you hadnât wondered what could have happened in that alley if Mingyu hadnât walked by.Â
You needed something to banish the feeling of his mouth on yours, to dissipate the restlessness settled deep in your muscles. While wading knee deep in the river wasnât a smart idea, there was nothing at the palace that could help. No one wanted to spar, not to the level you could during the days leading up to a full moon. It wasnât fair to give your all while guards curbed their skills in fear of hurting you.
So you bid an early goodnight, feigning some sort of illness and retired to your room before the sun had set. Once the moon started her venture across the sky you dug in the back of your wardrobe for the dark clothes from days prior. They were wrinkled but served their purpose. With Mingyu standing guard at your apartment entrance, you snuck out the tunnels and into the city beyond the palace walls.Â
The clearing was exactly what you needed. Plenty of water and space to lose control, trees offering their service as target practice for whatever twisted move your mind conjured. It helped. Your muscles strained with a level of exhaustion unfamiliar to you, enough so that your mind couldnât roam as easily. But then he plowed through the forest like he owned it. Of course you couldnât have a moment of peace, the spirits wouldnât allow you to indulge in serene silence if they could help it. They sent Wonwoo straight to you as an act of retribution for your long list of sins.
But sparring with him burned away some of the tension. If you were fighting with Wonwoo then you couldnât think about all the other cravings; of finishing what you started against that wall. Sending ice floes at his head kept him far enough away that even if you wanted to pull him against a tree or down to the grass, you couldnât.
âIs that really all you got?â he taunted. Wonwooâs pain is clear on his brow, every step closer punctuated by a limp and labored breathing.Â
âOh, please,â you grunted, launching a weak ice disc at his head. The wall of fire lapping at your heels disintegrated as Wonwoo dodged. âAs if you could handle more.â
Something feral flashed in his eye at the taunt. âTry me.â
Well at least this time he wasnât so disappointingly easy to overwhelm.
You skated across the clearing. With the river to your back once again, you pressed the advantage and sent wave after wave. Wonwoo narrowly dodged them with well timed kicks, his fire dispersing them into steam. But each volley soaked clearing until he struggled to remain upright on the muddy ground as he approached the riverbank.
With your next attack, he fell on his back with a hard grunt. For a long second he didnât move and you worried youâd seriously injured him this time.Â
âWonwoo?â
His chest rattled with each labored breath as you approached. He looked horrible; a mess of sweat and dirt, hair matted to his head. His eyes flickered with pain as he stared up at you, hesitating to take your outstretched hand before accepting.
Back on his feet, Wonwoo wasted no time tackling you into the water.
Breaking the surface, you screeched, âYou jerk!â
âCome on! I got that move from you,â he laughed.
Even in the midst of dunking his head under, your blood warmed at the sound. He gripped your body tightly to his own, pinning your wrists together in one hand, effectively cutting off your bending. But you refused to go down without a fight. Fortunately he didnât think youâd be formidable at hand to hand combat and while it was true, he was stronger, you slammed your foot against his thigh, breaking Wonwooâs hold long enough to slip away.
He breached and sputtered before following again. âWhere did you learn that?âÂ
You tussled on the shore, shoving handfuls of mud into each otherâs hair and skin. Your legs hooked around his waist, rolling until you sat on his stomach.
Bad idea.
Youâre close enough to trace the silver scar through Wonwooâs brow. A fraction lower, his eyes light with the same fire as when you kissed him the other night. Rocks bit through the thin fabric of your pants, jagged against your knees. But Wonwoo was unaware, tilting his chin up to capture your lips.Â
You bore down on him, sighing into the seductive heat of his mouth. Wonwoo groaned with a curl of his hips. It took all your focus to snatch his hands from your waist and pin them above his head but he didnât seem to mind as you rained a series of wet kisses down the column of his neck.Â
He made another desperate sound as you tugged at the water just out of reach, freezing thick cuffs from Wonwooâs elbow up to his fingertips.
âGotcha,â you whispered against his throat.Â
He slumped into the ground, an indignant huff fanning across your forehead. âVery funny.â
âFrom where Iâm sitting, it is.â
Youâre smirk dissolved as he rolled his hips once again. The force sending you up his chest, hands bracketing his shoulders in an effort to maintain balance. To your shame, a sharp gasp squeezed from your lungs at the motion.
âWhat was that?â
His face â barely an inch away â was lax despite his confinement. Itâs enticing. The way heâs spread out, chest displayed, muscles stretched; all of him on display, including the stains on his skin tugging at your conscience. Your hand glided down his chest, catching droplets from the stream to heal the fresher injuries. Those muscles flexed under your gentle touch before relaxing. Wonwooâs eyes closed with a sigh of relief as cuts knitted back together and bruises faded.
âYouâre really bad at this,â you said plainly, shifting focus away from the need to rut down.Â
Wonwooâs eyes widened for a moment, ears reddening before he sputtered. The realization dawned on you like the icy waters of the river. Oh.Â
âNot that!â you corrected. âFighting me. Iâd thought youâd be better this time.â
âItâs a full moon,â he argued, eyes closing once again as you mended a scratch along his chin. It wasnât even bleeding, but the compulsion to touch him was too strong to ignore.
âSo? I could fight you with my hands behind my back and still win.â
âWanna test that theory?â
With a dismissive wave the ice trapping Wonwoo melted before you answered, rising to your feet before you did something stupid. He was healed enough. âI think Iâve done enough damage to your ego.â
He barely reared back his fist for an attack when the same water froze him again. Now, with his arms and legs immobilized, he glared up at you. Predictable.
Without thinking, you pinned his chest down with a muddy foot. You couldnât help it; something so satisfying as having him at your mercy conjured the reckless parts of your brain. âYield.â
His eyes followed the line of your leg, up your torso, only pausing on your wet breast bindings for a moment, and then finally met your gaze. âIf I donât?â
âI can leave you here,â you shrugged, only to hide a shiver. âIâm sure youâll thaw out by noon.â
Perhaps it'd be better to leave him shackled to the ground. You could leave him and get back to the palace before doing anything scandalous. He could still firebend as long as his mouth was uncovered, and after all the noise of the battle none of the wild life would come close before he freed himself. But Wonwoo wasnât fond of the idea of waiting until morning to leave.
âFine,â Wonwoo huffed. âI yield.â
The ice melted again, soaking his pants. No sooner did you turn around, Wonwoo sent a lick of flame at your ankle and, in your attempt to dodge, you sprawled next to him with a hard thud.
âYou yielded,â you groaned in pain.
âIâm a sore loser.â Wonwoo rolled to his side, the weight of his gaze heavy on your face. One of his hands found the strip of skin between your bindings and your legs, tracing it with maddening pressure. How easy would it be for him to slip that same hand beneath your pants and touch you again. âWhereâd you learn to fight like that?â
âI practice a lot.â
âWith who? Assassins?.â
One of your eyes opened to glare. âI watched a few of your matches. YouâreâŠpredictable.â
âI never saw you at the warehouse before.â
âYeah well, I didnât want to be seen.âÂ
Wonwoo took the opportunity to cover your body with his own, a thigh back between your legs and pressed just right against your center. His mouth found the sensitive spot beneath your jaw as he crumbled your defenses. You could afford to indulge a little bit; some kissing, more of that mind numbing friction from the market. Just to set your nerves at ease, untangle that insufferable knot in the pit of your stomach.
âAnd why is that?â
Before you can answer, Wonwoo kissed you again but this time you were prepared; surging up to meet him like a tidal wave.
Somehow, the weight of his body like that was even better than when he crowded you against the wall; heavy and satisfying for you to grind against, chasing warm friction. This time he touched without restraint, tugging at your bindings until they fell slack, committing the new swaths of bare skin to memory with his mouth and wandering hands.Â
His tongue traced the slope of your breast, the chill in the forest pinching your nipples tight for his teeth to take one between.Â
âOh,â you moaned, fingers tangled in his hair, urging him to give more. Wonwoo offered the sting of a bite, sucking harder when you made the same depraved sound. You felt it everywhere, down to your core where he pressed against you with a kick of his hips. Far better than when you tried touching yourself after he had lit a consuming hunger in your veins. As if Wonwoo knew the spots driving you mad better than you ever would.
No one was around to hear the way you gasped his name as his hand snaked between your legs, the heel of it nothing short of mind numbing as it rocked against your clit.
âStill predictable?â
You leveled your gaze with his, furious at the confidence you found. During the spar you met him blow for blow. This would be no different, just a new stage.
âYouâre hard and trying to scandalize the wildlife after I kicked your ass,â you stuttered through the last bit because Wonwoo curled his fingers against a spot you didnât know existed. âYouâre incredibly predictable.â
You touched him just as eagerly; dipping beneath the tight cling of his pants and fisting his cock with false bravado.
He stopped when you thumbed the leaking tip, huffing against your chest with a throaty groan of his own before continuing with renewed energy. Wonwoo pressed himself through your loose grip, back and forth and back and forth with that mesmerizing hardness that was soft like velvet and hotter than any fire heâd attacked you with; each cant in time with the way you rocked against him. Until he followed your lead and dipped his hand beneath your leggings, calloused fingertips sliding timidly as you writhed beneath him.
âWonwoo, please.â You needed something, anything. He kept his teeth at your breast, sucking and licking while a finger shallowly dipped inside you.Â
âTell me what you want,â he gritted, pulling until you sat back in his lap completely bare from the waist up, the silk of your bindings left on the ground.
I donât know! I donât know, tell me what I need, you thought; but you'd rather die than admit inexperience. Instead, you acted on instinct. Each rock of your hips proved it was the right path, the tight press of his fingers better with the new angle as you clung to him. You sank further into it, Wonwoo encouraging you to take whatever you wanted.
It was too much and not enough. Your chest thrusted forward with every motion, and the hand cupping you gently turned into rough pinches hard enough to sting; his mouth the same.Â
Maybe you could sneak out of the palace every night for this, or sneak Wonwoo in. It wouldnât be too difficult. He could give this to whenever you needed, no one the wiser as you bared yourself between the sheets for his eyes only.Â
âSo fucking wet.â He punctuated the observation with another finger, palm rocking into that explosive place again and again. Youâre knocked off-balance. Knees spread wide to accommodate and Wonwoo took full advantage to brush your hand away from his cock and pull you further into his lap, both hands beneath your bottoms; perfect to roll against as he leaned back to watch. âDonât seem disappointed now.â
You swam through the beginning of something, Wonwooâs voice grounding you back down to reality. The goading you could do without but itâs a small price to pay. As long as he maintained the wet slide of your core, he could say whatever he wanted. Your mouth dropped open, head tilted back as your thighs quaked.Â
âIââ you gasped. All at once the world snapped into a million stars.
He kissed you; your chest, your throat, cheeks, lips. Anywhere Wonwoo could reach was stained with the warmth of his mouth as you shuddered with teary eyes, raking pink lines into his chest. He swallowed each wrecked sound until you kissed back with shaky breath.
 âYouâre dirty.â
âExcuse me?â you scoffed.
His humor exploded against your cheek, laughter tickling your ears as he dragged a finger across your collarbone. He meant the mud caked to your back, knotted in your hair. But you couldn't focus on the ridiculousness. Wonwoo was still hard, the dewy tip of his cock peeking from the band of his pants. The sight made your chest ache.
The laughter turned to a stunted moan as you gripped him once more. You shifted down his thighs to make more room, but Wonwoo kept you close, nipping at your jaw with each stroke. Itâs unlike anything you felt before, the power, the thrill of undoing him, watching as he crumbled into a panting mess beneath your fingers. You pulled his hair and licked behind his teeth.
âO-oh. Fuck,â he groaned. His head fell back, the smooth skin of his throat enticing as he swallowed another sound; the pale glow of early dawn sun providing a startling contrast.
Panic flooded your veins. You looked up and found the moon sunk deeper to make room for the new day.
You were late.
âShit. Shit. I have to go.â You scrambled away, snagging your bindings. They were disgusting but you had no time to wash them. At least the shirt you snuck out in would hide the wreckage. You tied them tight, whipping around to find the rest of your clothes.
âWhat?â Wonwoo blinked, as if he was waking from a dream; eyes glazed, cock dewy and pink in his lap as he stared up at you.Â
You flushed, tempted to sit back down and pretend it was a mistake. The voice whispering in the back of your head wanted nothing to do with responsibilities and obligations. You wanted this. To be reckless and enjoy what Wonwoo offered, and feel the way he responded when offered the same.
But the pale morning light brought reality with it.Â
âIâm sorry. Iââ There was nothing else you could say. No explanation that wouldnât leave you both with heartache. So you kissed him softly, long and slow, until Wonwooâs fingers tickled back across your hips and you remembered you had to go. Now. âIâm sorry.â
And then you sprinted home without looking back.
After the beating Wonwoo received into the early hours of this morning, perhaps he should feel the same bruise to his ego like the weeks before when his face resembled the wrong end of a moose dragon. Even with the best healing, his body ached for days after. A constant reminder not only had he lost, but done so in front of one of the biggest crowds the warehouse ever had.Â
But even though he lost again last night, heâd won enough to walk on clouds like an airbender.
You were distracting while in your element but when you came? He couldnât look away even if he wanted to. Helpless to the vision of your chin tipped back, spine arched as you moaned his name. Never mind he had to finish himself after you fled, returning to the barracks to hide in the bathroom like a teenager. The memory was enough, it only took a few strokes before he found his own satisfaction; though he preferred to find it with you next time.
Not even the weary day ahead dampened his glow despite the lack of sleep. The Queen rarely visited, and the princess never. But today they planned to, and that meant everything must be in perfect order which included new uniforms starched until Wonwoo could hardly bend.
The courtyard was packed with guards of all levels, cadeats to captains. They spent the morning sparring and working through basic forms under the watchful eye of Commander Aiko, Wonwoo overseeing the training ring. Under the high noon sun, the firebenders maintained a clear advantage over anyone else but Wonwoo conserved his energy for later. Once the Queen arrived, Commander Aiko would no doubt drag him out for a demonstration for the old man to tout as his own accomplishment.
Itâd be good to remind the others of his skill, how he earned his rank through nothing but sheer determination. Most of the teasing had faded in the past month but it never hurt to make sure. Just because he lost to you didnât mean he couldnât defeat any of them. It wasnât a fluke, you were just better. Wonwoo admired your skill but next time heâd win.
But he banished those thoughts for now. Heâd found you twice â by chance but he still found you â a third time felt inevitable. There was too much unfinished business for him to believe otherwise. When he did have you again, he wouldnât let you slip away so easily.
It wasnât until later afternoon that the royal procession arrived, palace guards donned in stark black uniform circling a pair of women like hawk vultures. He couldnât see the princessâs face from where he stood, only the stretch of silk across her shoulders as Commander Aiko gestured animatedly.
Rumor had it the princess was the most beautiful woman in the kingdom, with soft manners. kind eyes, and a gentle soul. Not that anyone saw her outside the palace. The queen kept her under lock and key, rightfully so as her only heir. But tales of her beauty and warmth flowed freely. She was the kind of princess men went to war for. Sacrificed their lives for.Â
And as such, most of the men had put extra time into preparing this morning; shaving and hogging mirrors in the bathroom to fix their hair. As if the princess would look upon one of them and find interest in a man with no title, no money, and no influence. The stuff of legends that Wonwoo had no interest in.
Wonwoo supervised the officers as they attempted to throttle one another. Apparently rumors of the princessâ presence inspired their best; it was almost pathetic if he wasnât impressed by their creativity.Â
Rone yanked the ground from beneath Ponoâs feet, rushing the smaller man forward into his fist covered in rock. The force wouldâve knocked Pono unconscious if he hadnât used the momentum to leap over Rone with a gust of air and slam his knee into his chest. Rone doubled over, gasping for breath.
âThatâs enough,â Wonwoo called. âUra. Tou. Youâre up. Try not killing each other this time.â
Ura shook her head. âYou light a guy on fire once.â
âSix!â Tou screamed. âYouâve lit me on fire SIX TIMES!â
âMake it seven,â someone on the sidelines cheered.
Ura lunged at To with a fire whip but Wonwoo was distracted with a call of his name before he could see Tou redirect it.
âCaptain Jeon, Iâd like to introduce you to her Royal Majesty and her granddaughter, Princess Y/Nâ
Wonwoo, remembering his manners to never turn his back to the royal family, whipped around fast enough everything blurred as he rushed to bow. âYour Majesty, Your Highness.â
âCommander Aiko has told me much about you, Captain Jeon,â a voice greeted him, definitely the Queen from the rich timbre. âI hope youâll honor us with a demonstration of your skills later.â
âOf course, Your Majesty. Itâd be an honor.âÂ
Wonwoo rose and finally got his first glance of the princess. She was even more beautiful than the stories claimed, face glowing in the sun, not a hair out of place. A dress of rich fabric, embroidered with pearls in a wave motif at the collar, hugged her figure but didnât betray the power beneath.
While he couldnât vouch for manners, your eyes were anything but kind. If looks could kill, Wonwoo was a dead man walking. His veins froze. Absolutely not. This was not happening. It was a dream, a sick and twisted dream where he made out with royalty in a field without knowing.Â
It didnât make sense.Â
You bowed, eyes averted to your shoes with a greeting in return. The wild energy that possessed you in the field was nowhere to be found; extinguished by faux meekness and rigid posture.
âJeon,â Aiko started, preening like a peacock. âGive Princess Y/N a tour of the grounds. Sheâs never seen men in action.â
Wonwoo managed to silence his snort of disbelief but couldnât help the quip dripping from his tongue. âOh, I doubââ
âA tour would be wonderful, Captain Jeon,â you cut him off. Your teeth gleamed like knives, gaze pointed. The wildness was still there and a bolt of fear flashed through him.
âOf course, Your Highness.â
Wonwoo spun on his heel, leading you to the far side of the training ring while Ura and Tou lulled into a standoff, circling one another warily. He couldnât help but feel you and him were doing the same.
Embarrassment, betrayal. Itâs why you hadnât told him your name, he realized. Not at the warehouse, not at the market, not even in the field. You played him for a fool again and again. And he let you
Tou knocked Uraâs left leg out from beneath her with a blazing kick. She fell to her knees but Ura rolled just in time to avoid Touâs fist, dragging an arch of flame up with her heel and forcing Tou back.
You hovered beside Wonwoo, silently watching the fight. He refused to look at you because if he did then no doubt someone would notice his anger. And why would he be angry at the princess? Wonwoo never officially met you, this is technically the first time heâs ever seen you let alone spoken to you.Â
From opposite sides of the training ring, Ura and Touâs both thrust their palms forward to summon fire streams thick enough the air around them shimmers as they collide; blue versus red. The crowd of guards watching stepped back, tugging at their collars. Wonwoo was tempted to step forward and join the fight, work out some of the restless annoyance burning beneath his skin.
âImpressive,â you commented, features tinged golden by the flame.Â
Wonwoo would have agreed if Uraâs ankle hadnât quivered. Tou, forever soft for the willowy firebender, refused to take advantage of her weakness. Heâd throw a hundred matches before using Uraâs injury against her. And Ura knew it.
âIs that all youâve got to say?â
âYou donât exactly seem interested in any sort of conversation,â you shot back.
You were right. Wonwoo didnât want to talk anymore than he wanted to pull his own teeth out. What he wanted was to wake from this horrible dream, for Hoshi to come out of the woodwork and reveal this was all an elaborate prank.Â
Wonwoo winced as Ura grappled Tou down to his knees, slinging her arm around his neck and pulling him into a chokehold. Then he turned to look at you. âPardon me for coming to terms with the fact I got into a fist fight with royalty. Itâs a first for me.â
âDonât be dramatic.â
âThis isnât funny.â
âI didnât plan this.â You have the sense to look ashamed, eyes on the ground Tou wiggled out of Uraâs grip and scrambled to his feet.
âDo you know how much trouble I could get in if anyone found out I tried to fight you? I could be executed.â
âThat wasnâtââ You stopped abruptly, chest expanding with a deep breath. âYou said you were from the Middle District. How was I supposed to know you were a part of the Crownâs Guard?â
âI am from the Middle District.â
Your fingers bunched in the pleats of your robes. âBut most of the guards are from the Noble's Quarter.â
âIâm not like most men. But I donât expect you to understand what it means to earn something.â
âI think I earn my victories quite well,â you spat. âPerhaps you would like another demonstration, Captain Jeon.â
In the ring, Ura and Tou came to a standstill. The inky braid coiled on Uraâs head had long unraveled, tangled and lopsided as it hung down her back. Touâs new jacket was signed at the collar, cuffs smoldering as well. They looked like they were having the time of their lives.
Wonwoo waited a long moment before speaking again. It would do no good to insult you. Already the darkest corners of his anger were brightening. âThat wasâŠunkind of me. I apologize.â
âYour insults are as deficient as your bending,â you smiled and strode away leaving Wonwoo to follow like a scorned puppy.
Ura and Tou waned but continued.Â
âWhy donât either of them give up?â you asked.Â
âUra agreed to marry Tou if he could beat her in a fight.â
âI thought relations between guards were forbidden.â
âThey are. Itâs why Tou refuses to take advantage of her weak ankle.â
âThen why would sheâŠâ
âIf youâre asking me to explain their relationship then I have no answers,â Wonwoo replied as Tou finally yielded and another pair of troops took their place. âYouâre lucky most of the guards donât go to those matches or weâd both be in serious trouble.â
âIf none of the other guards go, why were you there?â
âIâve been doing it for years. They pay well and I needed money.â
Wonwoo leaves the rest unsaid. What other reason did a Middle District kid have to fight other than money? He took his beatings in the public arena for years because coin was coin. He never planned to become skilled enough to start winning. But when he did, after years of blood, sweat, and tears, he was good enough for the Crown Guard to take notice and Seungcheol to bring him into the fold before retiring. Now, Wonwoo had a free place to sleep, albeit it was barely large enough for him and the four other men he shared it with, all on bunk beds. But it was far better than the fifty man barrack he started in years ago. There were free meals and hot showers and his patrols through the Noble's Quarter rarely were more than counting the number of steps through his route before he ended up back where he started.Â
The fighting kept his skills sharp in the way training couldnât. Commander Aiko didnât like his cheap shots or the scrappiness Wonwoo learned in the ring. They were âundignifiedâ for one of the Royal Army, especially the Crownâs Guard. But more often than not, they were the edge he had on the other officers.
âIâm sorry I didnât tell you. I never intended to put you in such a difficult position. I justââ
âYou just what, Your Highness?â
âDonât call me that,â you spat before softening. âHow am I supposed to be Queen if Iâm not allowed to actually see my kingdom?â
Seeing your kingdom felt like an odd way to describe what you and Wonwoo had been doing away from wandering eyes but he didnât dwell.
âProbably not by lying.â
âOr by freezing men to walls.â
The attempt at humor softened and soured Wonwooâs mood all at once. Rationally, he knew he should be angry. Furious even. But it was not that simple. If he was in your shoes, what would he have done? Probably far worse than sneaking out for a night on the town. Even too many hours at the barracks had a way of making him crave for the anonymity of the city streets he grew up on.Â
Wonwoo was not angry, annoyed maybe. Even as you stood, wrapped in the finest silks heâd ever seen with enough sapphires and pearls pinned in your hair for him to buy a village, it was pity he felt rather than disdain. To be forced to hide the wildness you possessed behind pretense and perform exactly what was expected of you. Could he blame you for wanting a break from it all?
Judging by the hopeful look on your face you wanted to leave the entire ordeal in the past, same as him.
âThat might help you on the throne.â
You smiled and looked back at the two men sparring in the ring who were fighting with swords, the smaller one locking their hilts together and twisting until the larger man was forced to release his weapon.Â
Heâd be infatuated with you but that was all it was; all it could be. A funny story to remember years and years from now, when his childrenâs children were grown. Theyâd call him crazy for rambling about how he once knew the princess.
He couldnât help his next question. âAnd everything else? Are you sorry for that too?â
A blight of confusion twisted your face before your eyes bulged. Years of etiquette schooled your features swiftly but Wonwoo felt pleased to see you off kilter as he felt, however brief. You should be just as uncomfortable with the looming consequences of what happened in that field as he was.
The satisfaction didnât last long.
You turned to face him head on, leveling him with a heavy gaze. âAre you?â
Wonwoo choked.
It seems the fire from before was not completely snuffed out under pounds of finery.Â
âI think Iâve seen enough of the grounds. It's quite warm and I feel myself growing faint.â
When he finally regained his senses, Wonwoo followed several steps behind, face tinged red. Hopefully everyone mistook it as a result of a day in the sun rather than a battle of wits.Â
Commander Aiko and the Queen ceased their conversation as you approached them..
âWhat do you think of our troops, Your Highness?â Aiko asked.
âThey are very impressive, Commander,â you smiled.
By some great miracle, Aiko stood fifteen feet taller with your compliments. It itches at the back of Wonwooâs brain that a compliment could slip off your tongue so easily towards others but not towards him.Â
âIâm pleased my men are up to your standards. Captain Jeon is one of my best, youâll be completely safe in his care during next month's festivities.â
âPardon?â you and Wonwoo asked at the same time.
Aiko frowned. âHer Majesty insisted on additional protection due to the increased presence at the palace. Surely, she informed you?â
âShe did,â you nodded. âBut wouldnât Captain Jeonâs expertise be more valuable elsewhere? Itâd be a shame for his skills to be wasted guarding me when we will be surrounded by allies.â
âIn the event something might go wrong, is it not better to have someone as trained as he is to protect you?â
Wonwoo wanted to argue that you were more than capable of protecting yourself. But clearly your bending talents were a secret, at least to Commander Aiko. Perhaps that was for the best; the element of surprise was a powerful tool, one you wielded well. A glance at your blanked expression all but confirmed it.
Aiko continued, âYou are next in line, therefore your safety is second only to the Queen herself. Captain Jeon would be honored to serve you.â
The old man leveled Wonwoo with an expectant look, giving him two options: reject the position and directly insult the crown and his commanding officer, inadvertently signing his own death warrant. Or accept, play minder for however long was required. Then he could return to his life and pretend none of this ever happened.
âIt would be my honor to serve the royal family and her Highness.â
Wonwoo convinced himself that the disappointment in your eyes was wishful thinking.Â
this entire series so far has been *chefs kiss*. the writing, creativity, and chemistry has been abs amazing. The descriptive imagery makes the scene come to life. In love with this one
Creative Contributor: @baebae-goodnightâ for this MOODBOARD WOO!
Pairing: Jungkook / Reader
Rating: 18+
Genre: Fantasy / Dragon / Enemies to Lovers
Synopsis:Â The dragon riders of Duret Ghal are known across the continent; fierce warriors who take to the skies on their leashed, winged beasts. You are the last Dragon Queen of Ashya, ruler of a dying species who can transform from human to Dragon at will. When a new foe emerges which threatens both Dragon and rider alike, you find yourself forced to broker peace with your former enemy. The King of Duret Ghal, and a dragon rider himself: Jeon Jungkook.
NSFW Warnings: oral (male and female), nipple play, fingering, multiple orgasms, big cock, dirty talk, hair pulling (her to him)âŠ. tattooed, man-bun jungkook who has a big sword
Trigger Warnings: somewhat graphic depiction of a shoulder injury Â
At thirty-two, you thought you had your life figured out. That is until you received a call one day:
"You need to go to Gangwon Police Station now. There are two people here: One thirty-something male claiming to be your husband, and the other is a three-year-old girl claiming to be your daughter. They say they won't leave unless you, the mom of the family, pick them up."
Or alternatively,
a series of events where you fall in love with Jungkook, become a mom, solve your dead best friend's case, and wriggle out of old money's grasp, but not necessarily in this order. (Maybe all at once. Who knows?)
Genre and warnings: enemies to lovers, idiots in love, mutual pining, OMG there is only one bed, forced proximity, cohabitating, enemies to friends to lovers, co-parenting, angst, fluff, implied smut, kissing, minor character death, slight getting back together, car accidents, law, this fic is originally written as an AOT au, but i've changed it to a JJK one, so please pardon any Japanese terms mentioned (they're not too relevant anyway) some of the characters are from aot too. i'm too lazy to change them haha
Pairing: Police Lieutenant! Jungkook x Lawyer!!Reader
Word Count: 45.5k
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It's Friday.
Unlike others, you considered Friday just like any other dayâit is a hectic time where you're deeply engrossed in reading what seemed to be an unending stack of files.
People working under you had already gone home. You allowed them to clock out an hour earlier, not hesitating to hand them your card so they could dine at whatever restaurant they liked.
Your employees deserved it after working 45 hours this week. It's the least thing you could do, though they wished you could extend the same treatment to yourself. Unfortunately, being a lawyer didn't give you the luxury to have a fun Friday night out.
You're stuck in the office, finalizing the cases you'd present before the court next week. Some might think you only needed to endure this day before fully giving yourself a break, but that's not true. Your weekend wasn't any better as you'd be spending it taking pro bono cases to help lower your taxes and prove to others that you did not fully succumb to this cruel, capitalistic world.
Speaking of capitalism, you've heard a quick but shy knock on the door. The person outside knew too well not to disturb you on a Friday night, but some things were inevitable.
"Come in," you ordered casually. Your eyes were still trained on the paper on your desk.
The door flew open as you heard your secretary's pointed heels hitting the cold tiles. Timidly, she said, "Sorry to disturb you, Attorney. We have an urgent case concerning your top client."
You hadn't heard the details of the case, yet you could already feel the veins in your head pulsating. This couldn't be any good. Your top client was the Braun-Grice family. The past months had already been too troublesome. What could those brats have done this time?
"Let me guess," you lazily highlighted the paper with red marks before staring at your secretary. "It's Gabi and Falco again, isn't it? Did they vandalize some rich man's house again?"
Your secretary wished it was that simple. She shook her head, "I'm afraid they've done worse than that." Her voice turned solemn. "The teens are involved in a car accident."
You were startled, immediately letting go of your highlighter. The boredom in your face completely disappeared as you questioned your secretary seriously. "What did they do? Let me see the file."
Mina was an obedient employee. She chose to stay in the office with you but with no intention of beating around the bush. She handed you the file immediately, "Ms. Braun called me earlier and said she and Falco need to see you now. They're in Busan Police Station."
Your hands on the file froze. Busan? What were those brats doing in your hometown? Gabi and Falco were both from Seoul. It's also still a weekday, meaning they had classes. Did they skip school to fuck around?
Mina filled in the blanks for you, "Ms. Braun is remorseful over the other line. She said she and Falco were super stressed in school, so they thought, why not try throttle therapy to ease their minds?"
You laughed derisively upon hearing that. Throttle fucking therapy, my ass. You bet it was Gabi's idea. She had always claimed to be fearless and unstoppable because she knew her family was affluent not just in Seoul but all over Japan.
"So what? Did their car crash into something? How much is the damage?" You finally opened the police report. The incident happened approximately three hours ago. Gabi could only reach your secretary after her medical check-up and giving a statement to the traffic police.
That brat! You had told her countless times to keep her useless mouth shut and wait for you to show up. Why did she never learn!?
"That's the thing. The damage isn't convertible in monetary value. Mr. Grice drove the car because Ms. Braun induced him to do so. Unfortunately, they hit two pedestrians before crashing into a tree."
Numbness crawled from your feet to your face. There was ringing in your ears, and you could've sworn your heart stopped beating when you saw the crime scene pictures.
"The victims are a married couple on their way home. Falco immediately called the police to report the incident. The paramedics came at once, but the victims were proven to be dead on arrival."
It's a miracle you could still hear Mina talk despite the nausea attempting to envelope you whole. Tears began to pool in your eyes, and before you knew it, they were already falling straight to wet the cuff of your long-sleeved shirt.
It's black.
The color of your top was black. Its design was similar to the one the dead victim was wearing. Only the color was different. Hers was white, making the blood staining her shirt so bright that it hurt your already bloodshot eyes.
White and black. She wore white because you claimed it fit her innocent personality more. Black was yours because it was as dark as your soul. The shirt was the perfect Christmas gift. Only two pairs were made by the designer. You paid a huge sum of money for these clothes.
You couldn't be mistaken.
You knew the victim all too well.
"The victims have been identified. The woman is named Sora Kang; the other is her husband, an Italian citizen named Niccolo."
That's all you need to hear before you clamp the folder shut. You stood up, "Cancel all my upcoming casesâPro bono or notâI don't care. I'm going to Busan tonight."
"Yes, Attorney." Mina handed you two tickets. "I've already contacted someone to buy the bullet train tickets for us. It's the fastest route to Busan."
If this was any other day, you'd probably praise her for being the most reliable secretary, but this wasn't like your typical busy Friday.
You were still as busy as ever, but one thing had changed.
Sora, your childhood best friend, had died.
"I'm going to Busan alone." You tossed the keys to your house in this city to Mina, "I need you to go to my place first. There's a brown box under my bed. Pack it along with my other thingsâclothes and necessities. You already know that. Send it to Busan. The address is written on the lid of the brown box. I expect you to finish your job in two hours. I'll see you then."
Mina had no objections. She practically ran out of the office after you gave your orders.
Your train would leave in twenty minutes. The short time was not enough, but you forced yourself to gather your wits and temporarily bandage your broken heart.
After that, you went straight to the train station with one thing on your mind:
Clean this mess up.
***
It was quiet at the police station when you arrived. As expected, the Busan Police Division was not idle. Chief Police Kim Namjoon probably stationed his subordinates all over the city. Only Officer Park Jimin was at the front desk.
You wasted no time and showed your license to him; Jimin immediately directed you to the interrogation room where Falco and Gabi were being mentally intimidated.
As a seasoned lawyer, your head was held high as you barged inside the room, ignoring Jimin, who was anxiously coaxing you to calm down.
Of course, he'd tell you to calm down. Jimin was one of your childhood friends who had always been calm and rational. He didn't like solving things with violence, but he was smart enough to know you would not listen to himânot after you saw from the interrogation room window how the interrogator raised his fist to punch Falco. It was the typical intimidation to force a confession out of a suspect. You had encountered this scene many times, so your mind and body seemed to be on autopilot when you faced the interrogator.Â
You grabbed the devices used to record Gabi and Falco's confession and broke them. At once, all proof gathered in the past hours vanished into thin air.
Everything happened in the blink of an eye. Gabi, Falco, and the interrogator were dumbfounded by your sudden action.
"You dare!?" The interrogator was the first one to recover from the shock. He quickly turned to you. Intense fury painted his pathetic face as he clenched his hands into tight fists.
His reaction did not faze you one bit. In fact, it only prompted you to say your piece, "Article III, Section 19 of the Constitution states that the employment of physical, psychological, or degrading tactics against a suspect to force out a confession is punishable by the law."
Reciting a provision of the law verbatim was one of your favorite hobbies to defeat opponents. It usually leaves your heart with joy and pride whenever you see their faces morphing into anger and embarrassment. However, none of those exhilarating feelings envelop you.
There was only grief and nostalgia gripping your already broken heart. It was a shame none of these harrowing emotions could be traced in your faceâas expected of a ruthless lawyer.
You continued with your attack, "If I remember it right, this is your seven years in public service, so pray tell, Police Lieutenant Jeon Jungkook, how can you not know this basic law even student police knows?"
The mockery in your voice was palpable. Only fools wouldn't realize your intention to humiliate the interrogator. Unfortunately, Jungkook didn't give you the satisfaction of winning this game.
He soon caught up with you, "I didn't realize you keep track of my position and years of service, little miss esquire."
The burning fury was still visible on Jungkook's face, but it was now mixed with disgust. Jungkook was the type of person who'd proudly wear his heart on his sleeve, especially if it meant getting a jab at you.
It worked. A bubble of anger rushed in you when Jungkook refused to say your name and used your title as a lawyer instead. It's a poor attempt to rile you up, really. He acted as if he didn't remember your nameâcouldn't care less to remember it. It aimed straight at your prideâhis subtle mockery crushed you, but he didn't end it with just that.
"Is it part of your schemes? Knowing what your enemies do, I mean. Do you keep track of us so you can use it to fuck us up?"
Jungkook folded his arms across his chest and jutted his chin out. He was already tall, so his current stance only made him look biggerâlike he could swallow you in one go.
That's what Jungkook did in the end. He chewed you out, "I wouldn't be surprised. Seeing that your greed won against your dead best friend."
It was a low blow and Jungkook knew it, but you getting hurt never deterred him from hurting you further.Â
"You know, don't you?"
You could keep your face impassive all day, but you couldn't fool Jungkook. One look at you, and he already knew you had gone from Seoul to Busan in haste. It sparked Jungkook's abhorrence even more.
"You know, and you still went here for them." The sharpness and accusation tinging his tone made you and the two teens flinch. That's when you came back to the realization that you and Jungkook were not alone in this room.
This always happened. You and Jungkook seemed to lose sight of your surroundings whenever you started fighting. Seeing Falco and Gabi's worn-out faces brought you back to the cruel reality.
This wasn't like your usual bickering with Jungkook during your high school days. This time, you two were barring your fangs and claws out, full of displaced hatred and pain because Sora was dead.
It took everything in you not to cry. Your legs were turning soft like you were about to pass out any moment from now. Jungkook's red-rimmed eyes felt like the blood that was sucked out of your heart.
"You disgust me." This was Jungkook's final words before walking away, leaving you with only a loud slam of the door.
"A-Attorney..." Gabi tried calling for you until your attention was focused on them.
You did not respond to her call but stomped in her direction. Every click of your pointed heels shook Falco and Gabi's hearts. Gone was the smug look on Gabi's face that appeared every time you came to bail her out of jail.
This case was different. She couldn't make it all go away with money. Gabi looked helpless. Her lips were quivering when she tried calling out for you again, "A-Attorney, please help usâ"
Slap!
Gabi's ear hurt. In her nineteen years of existence, this was the first time someone dared lay a hand on her. Gabi was baffled yet couldn't look you in the eyes. Her head remained tilted to the side, allowing you to see the tears cascading down her left cheek.
It was Falco who tried to stop you. His eyes were full-blown panic as he tried to talk some senses into you, "Attorney, don't. Please calm--"
Slap!
You laid a hand on Falco's cheek, too. Naturally, Gabi tried defending her lover by grabbing your hand. You let her grip your right hand because it wouldn't deter you from using your other hand to slap her again.
The teens were teaming up against you. When you slap Falco, Gabi will rescue him, and vice versa. All they did was grab your hand, though. They didn't dare fight back, making it easy for you to alternately slap them until your hands ached.
In the end, the two resigned to their fate and simply allowed you to numb their cheeks with pain.
But it wasn't enough.
No amount of physical pain could equal the lives they had taken because of recklessness. The same goes for you. No amount of pain would justify dereliction of duty. As of now, you were left with no choice but to continue doing your job as a lawyer. You fished a calling card from your slacks' pocket and threw it across Falco's chest.
The calling card fell on the floor. The teens did not dare pick it up or even look at it. But your following words made their bodies tremble.
"If I were you, I'd pick that up and start calling my new lawyer, as I will no longer be representing you in court."
Gabi was wise enough to bend and reluctantly pick up the card. You wanted to step on her fingers and crush them with your pointed heels. But you did not.
Seeing tears form in Gabi's eyes when she spotted the name of the new lawyer you recommended brought you more joy than stepping on her fingers.
The new lawyer was Reiner Braun. He wasn't supposed to be a lawyer in the first place. Reiner was Gabi's cousin; their family's connection made it easy for Reiner to pass the bar despite his lack of knowledge and power. Frankly speaking, Gabi knew this. She tried to argue with you, but you cut her off with another resounding slap.
"You have the audacity to still ask me?" Unadulterated anger settled at the pit of your stomach. You were so mad you ended up laughing. You balled your hands into fists and hid them behind you. It's for the better; otherwise, you would also end up in prison because of an assault.Â
"Your idiocy harmed my best friend. She and her husband died while you two fuckers remain in my line of sightâalive." You emphasized the last word with so much hatred, "So don't think even for a second that I will still be representing you in court. Because if I was..." The corner of your mouth turned up as you trailed off.
You looked at Gabi and Falco from head to toe. Only the blind couldn't see the threat dancing in your eyes. "I'll make sure you won't just lose the case. You'll get the maximum penalty, and I'll leave your ten next generations in shambles."
Falco's eyelashes fluttered. Gabi, on the other hand, gripped the card as if her life depended on it. They were resigning to their fate once more.
Good, because you could only take so much in an hour. There were still many things to patch up, and so you turned to leave, following the trail of footsteps Jungkook left.
***
Jungkook thought he was going crazy.
One would think that being in service for seven years would already desensitize his heart from crimes. He supposed that, to some extent, that was true. Unfortunately, no one had prepared Jungkook for all the negative feelings welling up in his chest as he dealt with the suspects involving the death of his loved one.
Sora.
A wave of nausea hit Jungkook as the image of Sora's dead body flashed in his mind. The feeling of helplessness was the worst punch in his gut, leaving his fist aching to beat the two teens in front of him.
Falco and Gabi remained rooted in their spot. Jungkook did not know what to do with them anymore. Whenever Falco confessed his crime, Gabi would refute it by saying it was all her fault. Jungkook couldn't care less about their heroic act; he just wanted someone to pay for Sora's death, but Falco had no plans of condemning Gabi either. He looked at Jungkook with tears, saying that Gabi was innocent.
Fucking brats! Jungkook couldn't take it anymore. He raised his fist to punch Falco; unfortunately, you barged into the room and ruined everything. It's bad enough that Jungkook didn't get to beat up Falco. How dare you destroy his evidence, too!?
"Damn it!" Jungkook kicked the pebbles outside the station. He initially left the interrogation room to cool down a little, but Jimin, his comrade, stopped him from getting back inside. Apparently, you told Jimin about that bullshit called the Bill of Rights.
"I'm sorry, Jungkook. Captain Yoongi called. He told me to get you out of the station as soon as possible. You're barred from participating in this investigation. Captain Yoongi is on his way now. He'll be the one interrogating the suspects."
"You can't do this to me, Jimin." Jungkook shook his head, refusing the Captain's order. "Sora's my best friend. You are her friend too! We need to avenge her!"
Jimin surely loved Sora, too, so he understood Jungkook to some extent. But he knew Captain Yoongi's decision was for the better. Jungkook was currently not in the right state of mind. He was grieving. Bloodlust was apparent in his eyes. If he wasn't careful enough, he might ruin this case.
"Go home, Jungkook." Jimin held Jungkook's shoulder firmly, "Or help Taehyung with the arrangement. He's alone and hurting, too."
Right. Jungkook's heart throbbed painfully in his chest as he thought about Taehyung. If anyone's hurting beyond repair right now, it had to be Taehyung. The latter and Sora were like inseparable twins.
Jungkook wanted to see Taehyung after interrogating Falco and Gabiâa form of consolation, if you might. Regrettably, it wasn't possible now, and it was your fault. Nothing ever went Jungkook's way when you were around.
You and Jungkook have known each other since you were kids. You were from the same street in Busan, so it was almost impossible not to see his face daily. You two were even classmates in your schooling days. In fact, you and Jungkook were pretty popular in school, but not for a good reason.Â
You two made people want to pull their hair out as you took being rivals too seriously. You argued about the smallest thing, wanting to appear as the stronger one, the smarter one, and the braver one.
But the thing was, your fights with Jungkook were never serious. It was more like teenage bickering. Admittedly, the whole school knew you, Sora, Jungkook, and Taehyung as the Idiot Quartet. Sora and Taehyung played pranks on everyone and did not care much about their academic performance. Meanwhile, you and Jungkook were academic rivals who went out of your way to win against the other. It was so petty that the other students thought you were idiots.
The anger Jungkook felt for you years ago was still apparent today, but he couldn't deny that it changed into something worse.
Hatred.
He'd known you for an ambitious woman who never backed down. You weren't content with your life in Busan and thus moved to Seoul. That part was naturally acceptable. What Jungkook couldn't accept was you casting aside your friendship with Sora for money and power.
You truly exceeded his worst expectations of you. Jungkook clenched his jaw and hands, swearing that you were his enemy from today onwards.
***
Contrary to popular belief, Sora was not an idiot. She had planned not just her life but also her death. This ensured that the living wouldn't be burdened by her passing.
Admittedly, you were involved in the preparations she made. As a lawyer, Sora sought your service to make writing her will easier. It happened three years ago:
Sora recently gave birth to a baby girl named Hanni. The child had blond hair like her father. She was too cute for her own good, so you didn't understand how Sora had the heart to think about death when she had a growing little angel by her side.
It wasn't fair to leave Hanni without a mother in this world.
"This is called safeguarding my baby's future." Sora reasoned out while writing down her 'will.' Her tongue was sticking out, and her brows were pinched together, indicating that she was serious about this ordeal.
It made you sigh.
"Okay! I've finalized the distribution of my...what do you call it again? Estate?"
"Assets." You corrected her firmly. Assets were for the living, and the estate was for the dead. You refused to associate your best friend with anything related to death. It was evident by the way your lips protruded into a sulky pout. You hated having this conversation with her.
"Asset, estate, or whatever you call it. I don't really care as long as it's done. Now, come here and notarize it. I've heard I need a witness when finalizing my will. You are my witness."
"I refuse." You turned away from Sora and busied yourself, caressing Hanni's tiny fist. "Your mum is cruel, isn't she, little one?"
Sora rolled her eyes and huffed, "It's for her sake, you know. Can't you see my situation now? I'm an orphan. My parents died when I could barely say a full sentence."
Sora always felt she inherited the curse of her parents dying young. It was unfair to disregard this thought as she was sure Hanni would be the lonely one carrying the burden once it happened.
"I'm assigning legal guardians for my child. Niccolo is number one, but I can't be too complacent." Sora released a deep breath. She wasn't sure if it was a good thing that her husband was crazy in love with her. It felt like he was willing to follow her even in death.
"Hear that, Hanni? Your mum is giving you away. Say bad, mummy, bad!" You carried Hanni into your arms while glaring at Sora. You couldn't believe your best friend traveled to Seoul with her little child just to say this bullshit.
"Stop being so dramatic," Sora lost count of how many times she had rolled her eyes. "It's not like I'm giving her to a stranger."
"Huh." You wiped Hanni's drool before casting a curious look at her mom, "Who are you naming her guardian, then? Jongsuk and Ji-eun?"
"Nope." Sora sounded disappointed. "I wanted to, but you know how busy they are with their two kids."
"Jongsuk is fucking rich. I'm sure they can afford to feed one more kid." You decided to humor Sora after realizing you couldn't change her mind.
Unfortunately, Sora deflated. "You bet. They have three more children coming."
"What the fuck?" You laid Hanni back in her crib, afraid you'd drop her after Sora dropped a bomb on you. "Are you telling me Ji-eun is pregnant again? And triplets?"
Sora's grin was wide. She wiggled her brows in excitement.
You were dumbfounded. "Seriously? What the fuck is wrong with Jongsuk!?"
Didn't Ji-eun just give birth last year!? What did Jongsuk plan on doing?
"Ah, duh? Have you seen Ji-eun? If I were Jongsuk, I'd do the same."
You pondered for a second. It didn't take you long to agree with your best friend. Damn right, Ji-eun was hot. If you didn't have the unfortunate curse of liking straight men, you bet you'd be pursuing Ji-eun relentlessly. She wasn't just a pretty face. Ji-eun was tantamount to what people called 'The Man.' Perhaps even better than the phrase.
Suddenly, you understood why a certain someone was head over heels with her.
"You're thinking about Jungkook, aren't you?"
You whipped your head up and met Sora's teasing eyes. You were about to refute her absurdity, but she beat you to it.
"Don't deny it. I know your 'I'm thinking about Jungkook' face. It's so obvious! Your brows become one, and your frown couldn't be any deeper!"
"That's right," you relaxed a little. "It's cause I hate him. I can't even crack a fake smile whenever I think about his stupid face."
Your disgusted face wasn't fooling anyone, though. But Sora didn't expose you. She just riled you up, "Well, at least his stupid face is popular with girls. Did you know? Niccolo has been setting Jungkook up with his foreign friends. Ah! Right!" The spark in her eyes was blinding.Â
"Jungkook has a blind date tonight. I've heard he's meeting a supermodel from Italy. She's the sameâhey, hey! What are you doing!?"
Sora's eyes dilated upon seeing you gripping her baby's toy tightly. She snatched it from you and gasped, "What's gotten you so worked up? You broke Hanni's toy! This is her favorite!" And Jungkook was the one who gave the baby that toy. Sora didn't dare tell you as you might destroy it further.
You wouldn't do it, though. You actually felt guilty for letting out your inexplicable anger to the toy, "Sorry. I'd buy Hanni a new one, yeah?"
"You better!" Sora let it go and went back to drafting her will. She continued pestering you about some law jargon until your head hurt.
"Okay, okay. I'll stop now." Sora put the documents inside a brown box and handed it to you. "Here it is. My final will. I'm giving it to you for safekeeping."
"Huh," you snorted but still accepted the box. You handed Sora a similar package. "I gave you a Christmas present, and I get your will in return? Unfair."
You couldn't help but toss the brown box under your bed. You hoped there wouldn't be a time when you'd be forced to open that damn box.
Sora's eyes creased, "I'll buy you the prettiest present next time, okay?" Then she kissed your cheek, "Thanks for this lovely shirt! I love it so much."
"White suits you the most." You're like my angel, Sora. "I got mine in black so we could match."
"Cool!" Sora turned to her daughter. "You hear that, Hanni? Your Godmother wants to match with me. You need to find someone like her in the future, okay?"
Hanni giggled as if she understood her mother. It warmed your heart seeing them like this. Unfortunately, this precious moment would soon be taken away from them.
Come to think of it, everything that transpired three years ago was like a sick premonition of what would happen tonight. Wasn't it funny? Sora died wearing the clothes you'd gifted her, and now here you were, forced to open the brown box you hated with passion.
Sora prepared everything. Inside the box were her will and handwritten letters for her daughter and friends. Unsurprisingly, she didn't leave a note for Niccolo.
It's like Sora knew.
"I hate you," you whimpered lowly as you hugged Sora's letter. I hate you for leaving me. I hate you for being right. I hate you. I hate you so much, Kang Sora.
***
Since Sora was an orphan, Taehyung, as her friend, was qualified to make the arrangements for her and her husband's remains. This was also because he was the one who registered their death after Doctor Kim Seokjin announced the time of their passing.
Jungkook wanted to help Taehyung out, but Taehyung said he could handle it himself and that it would be better for Jungkook to care for Hanni instead.
Hanni was at home with her temporary babysitter. Niccolo was a chef at his restaurant, while Sora was the head manager there. They usually didn't have enough time to care for Hanni, so they hired a nighttime caregiver for their kid. Hanni attended daycare in the morning, which was one less worry for her parents.
The babysitter's shift ended a few hours ago, though. Jungkook had no choice but to rush to the Kang' residence.
Jungkook had an apology ready at the tip of his tongue and thousands of won to appease the babysitter for working overtime. He was surprised when he didn't see the cute babysitter and instead saw a temptress wearing a suit.
"What the fuck are you doing here?" Jungkook spat as he raised his guard up. Who else could he be talking to besides you? You were the only person who could annoy him until steam came off his ears.
Weren't you just at the police station? Jungkook quickly glanced at his wristwatch. The time was 10:15pm. You arrived to wreak havoc in the interrogation room at around 9:00pm. Were you that good of a lawyer to escape Captain Yoongi's inquest in just an hour?
Looking at you, it seemed you had been here for quite some time now. Hanni happily snuggled in your arms while sucking on her milk bottle. The baby looked sleepy, unaware that her parents had already crossed the afterlife road.
Jungkook felt his heart tighten. Did you go here to use Hanni as leverage to help free those damned murderers? Thinking about your menacing schemes, Jungkook couldn't help but raise his hand to snatch Hanni away from your embrace.
"Let go of Hanni now!" Jungkook gnashed his teeth, deliberating on calling the police on you, but then he remembered he was also a police officer. Right. If he wanted to, he could arrest you for using an innocent kid to your advantage.
"Will you stop being so dramatic?" you recognized Jungkook's intention, so you rolled your eyes at his stupidity. You also laid Hanni back inside her crib but didn't do it to appease Jungkook. It was because your arms were starting to get numb from carrying herânot to mention that your chest was covered in Hanni's spilled milk, too.
Jungkook's line of sight focused on your chest, not knowing what to make out of it as you gently wipe the milk with your bare hand.
You pretended not to see him swallowing thickly and struggling to look away from you. "Relax, will you? Your tiny brain might not comprehend it, but I'm telling you now. I am not here to harm Hanni. I'm her godparent, after allâjust like you."
Your busy work schedule did not allow you to see Hanni all the time, but Sora made sure to video call you whenever she had the chance. Frankly speaking, seeing your goddaughter after a tiring day calmed you down. Hanni was your sweet butterfly. You loved her to death.
"And for the record, I am not representing Gabi and Falco in court."
Your sharp tone made Jungkook stop. His intense gaze studied you. This time, your face wasn't devoid of emotions. He could see fire in your eyesâas if you were ready to burn anyone who dared oppose you.
"T-Then," Jungkook's Adam's apple bobbed, "Why'd you destroy my evidence?" It took him hours to force confessions out of those bastards. He doubted that was enough as Falco and Gabi kept protecting each other, but still...
"How are you even a police lieutenant? Did Chief Kim bump his head before promoting you?"
Jungkook was offended and wanted to argue, but you gave him no chance.
"The evidence you've gathered is inadmissible to court. It's fucking illegal, idiot. Those brats could've filed a case against you if I hadn't destroyed the evidence of your idiocy."
Simply put, you had protected Jungkook from incrimination. "What happened to the Jungkook I know? Didn't you always hate Jongsuk Lee for being a suicidal maniac?"
The Idiot Quartet was good friends with Jongsuk and Ji-eun, too. You had known them since childhood. If your group was called the Idiot Quartet, then Ji-eun, Jongsuk, and Jimin were known as the Powerhouse Trio. The three were good in academics and sports, but Jongsuk fell short of a good attitude. Jongsuk was ridiculously impatient that he would not hesitate to charge recklessly, even at the expense of his life. Jongsuk was a police officer like Jungkook. It was just that Chief Namjoon Kim assigned Jongsuk to the special operation squad.
Jongsuk was a sore spot for Jungkook as it seemed like whatever Jungkook wanted, Jongsuk had.Â
Truth be told, Jungkook scoffed at the mention of Jongsuk's name. He glared at you, "I'm nothing like that suicidal maniac. Don't compare me to him."Â
You shrugged and did not push it. Fighting Jungkook tonight was not worthy of your time. There was a more pressing issue to discuss.
"Anyway, I'm not involved with Gabi and Falco anymore. You can rest assured."
Jungkook didn't want to fight you either. He was tired. He only wanted to honor his dead best friend. "It's good that you didn't completely stray the wrong path."
Surprisingly, the seed of hatred Jungkook planted in his heart had been dug up at the speed of light. You see, he wasn't muddle-headed like you claimed. Jungkook got irritated by your mere presence and sharp mouth, but hating someone without apparent reason was beyond him.
Maybe he could trust you? Thinking about this, Jungkook tried to push his luck, "So, if you aren't going to be those brats' lawyer, does it mean you came here to represent Sora and Niccolo?"
You just said you did not want to fight him, but on God, was he testing your patience. It took everything in you not to mock him, "I am a defense lawyer, smart-ass. This is a criminal case; it's those brats against the general public. Sora and Niccolo must be represented by a prosecutor. I trust you know the difference between a proâ"
"I know! I get it already. Stop it." Jungkook's cheeks turned crimson when he realized his mistake. His brain must have short-circuited because of the awkwardness and the milk on your chestâdamn it, there was still traces of milk in your cleavage.
Jungkook forced himself to look away, making the corner of your lips turn up.Â
"It's Ji-eun." You said abruptly and without context. Jungkook looked at you, confused.
You sighed, "Ji-eun is a prosecutor, which I'm guessing you're very familiar with."
Of course, Jungkook knew precisely what Ji-eun did for a living. It was the main reason Jungkook fell in love with Ji-eunâhe thought she was cool for upholding justice.
Jungkook had this illusion that he and Ji-eun complemented each other, mainly because both their line of work involved helping ordinary people. It was the complete opposite of what you do. In Jungkook's vocabulary, you were a scumâdefending criminals who ruined the balance of the world.
"I called Ji-eun earlier. She agreed, but we have yet to discuss the details. The legalities of the case can be postponed for now. There's something urgent we need to address first." Jungkook recognized the seriousness in your tone. He furrowed a brow and listened to you intently.
"Sora named me as the executor of her will." Your face turned solemn, side glancing at Hanni, who was sound asleep. Your heart ached for her. "She has written notes to everyone, including us."
Jungkook watched you pick up a brown box on the floor. That's when he noticed the suitcase next to it.
WaitâJungkook's eyes shrunk. Is that your suitcase?
His question was soon answered when you handed Sora's letter to him. Jungkook immediately tore it open, skimming through its contents.
His eyes widened comically upon reading the most ridiculous request of all times:
Sora was leaving Hanni in your and Jungkook's care.
What the fuck.
***
Taehyung felt floating as he took the way to Sora's house. It was past ten in the evening, meaning it took him hours to arrange Sora and Niccolo's funeral.
He was physically exhausted from having to go from place to place. Fortunately, he had a bit of time to rest since Sora and Niccolo's bodies were still at the mortuary. Taehyung thought he'd check up on Hanni first, then ask Jungkook to tidy the Kang' residence to make it a decent place to hold the wake. Sadly, Taehyung's plans went haywire as soon as he stepped inside the house.
"Oh, yeah? Why don't you tell that to yourself, you mama's boy!? I'm not the one who has an Oedipus complex!"
Taehyung watched as Jungkook's complexion turned red because of anger. He rolled the sleeves of his police uniform, seemingly ready to fight you.
"Well, fuck you and your mommy issues. Just admit you're jealous I have a kind mom. It's not my fault your mom only loves you whenever you achieve something that will boost her ego!"
Violence was never the answer, but you couldn't help but pick up one of Hanni's toys and throw it at Jungkook's broad chest. You screamed at him, "What the fuck is wrong with you!?" He was hitting you where it hurt.
"No, what the fuck is wrong with you?" Jungkook threw the question back at you. You were the one who pissed him off first.
Sadly, Taehyung did not care whose fault it was. He just wanted this petty fight to end, so he screamed before you or Jungkook started going at each other again.
"What the hell is happening here?" Taehyung was the type of friend who goofed around a lot, though no one could deny he was the most scary when angered. Just the sound of his voice was enough to stain your and Jungkook's back with cold sweat. Almost at once, Jungkook kept his mouth shut.
Conversely, you smiled awkwardly at Taehyung and acted oblivious, "Hi, Taehyung. Didn't see you there."
Jungkook held back a scoff at how fast you changed your annoying tone to a saccharine one. Your eyes even crinkled with fondness. Damn it. You were such a great pretender! Weren't you just acting like a dragon and breathing fire in Jungkook's direction? Taehyung saw it, too, preventing you from escaping this mess.
"How can you see me when you're busy fighting Jungkook again?" Taehyung huffed and shook his head in disappointment, "You two never changed, do you? To think of fighting in the presence of your dead best friend's kid. Have you no shame?"
As said, it was common knowledge not to anger Taehyung, yet no one warned you how scary he was when he couldn't bring himself to be angry anymore. Right now, Taehyung was just tired of your bullshit.
Remorse seeped into your heart. Truth be told, you knew where Taehyung was coming from. You and Jungkook were both adults, yet you failed to act like one. You didn't even know how your fight started. All you remembered was Jungkook vehemently opposing Sora's decision to leave Hanni to you and his care.
He thought you were undeserving of looking after a small child. You got mad, saying he had high expectations for female guardians because of his weird relationship with his mother.
Of course, it wasn't true. But you were so pissed you couldn't stop spouting nonsense. Truthfully, you could have gone forever with your insults had it not been for Taehyung's arrival.
"Don't take it seriously, Taehyung. We're just fooling around to cheer up Hanni. We thought some loud noises would divert her attention to something else." Jungkook added unhelpfully.
Taehyung pressed his lips into a thin line and looked at Hanni, who was sleeping peacefully: "...."
"Haha," You laughed in embarrassment and were forced to playfully smack Jungkook's biceps. "See? Our loudness helped Hanni sleep. Didn't Sora always sing her a goodnight song? We did it too!"
"Yes!" Jungkook gathered some files on the floor. The both of you had thrown them in the midst of fighting. The Kang' residence was a mess because of you two's silliness.
"Anyway, didn't you say the wake will be held here? Why don't you rest first? We'll take it from here. Right, Jungkook?"
Taehyung watched the two of you for a while before resigning to the guest room. He heard your whispered sighs but didn't mind as you quickly resolved it with a temporary truce.
Taehyung sighed and looked at the white ceiling. The tears he had repressed all night finally cascaded down his cheeks.
He sobbed quietly and thought about the dead, "You really have idiots as your best friends, Sora."
***
Sora and Niccolo's wake would be held for one day only. Tomorrow was the scheduled funeral, so all the departed's friends gathered at the Kang' residence for the final goodbye. You and Jungkook behaved this timeâyour temporary truce helped you welcome the guests without hiccups.
Ji-eun and Jongsuk arrived in the morning with their five children. It was a blessing in disguise, really. Jongsuk took care of the kids, including Hanni, while you and Ji-eun discussed the legalities of the case filed against Gabi and Falco. Captain Yoongi joined the discussion, too.
Yoongi lived in your neighborhood as well. He used to teach kids your age some self-defense tricks. He was specifically fond of Sora as she made unconventional defenses easier to execute. Looking back, you realize Sora was the glue holding the group together. There were moments you couldn't tolerate the extremity of Captain Yoongi's training, but Sora persuaded you and the others to be more patient and courageous.
"Thanks for doing this, Captain." You smiled softly at Yoongi. He merely raised a brow, drank his tea, and said, "Not a problem. This isn't a formal discussion."
The Captain didn't want to disrespect the solemnity of the wake, so he invited you and Ji-eun to talk in his office after the funeral. He only joined today's talk to say some urgent matters.
"I thought you should know beforehand that we have a strong case, mainly because the incident was captured by cameras. However, we have a formidable opponent. Annie Leonhart is defending those brats in court."
Your stomach knotted with bitterness upon hearing that. Annie Leonhart was indeed a formidable lawyer. However, you couldn't deny that your heart felt at ease when you met Ji-eun's unyielding gaze. Yes, you couldn't forget that this prosecutor never lost a case. She would do Sora justice.
It wouldn't be too difficult as long as dumb people didn't interfere.Â
Jungkook. Your brain immediately thought of Jungkook as he was the only one you could associate with the word dumb.
Just like now, Jungkook was standing in the corner of the room while staring at your group dumblyâscratch that, it was obvious he had his puppy eyes focused on Ji-eun.
You rolled your eyes. Of fucking course. How could you forget that this dumbass was in love with Prosecutor Lee? Did the fact that she was already married ever stop Jungkook from pining after Ji-eun? No.
"Attorney, Captain, will you excuse me for a moment?" You gritted your teeth while your gaze was still trained on Jungkook. The two Mins did not hold you back, making it easier for you to instantly trudge over Jungkook's direction.
"Hey, loser. I wanted to quote Article 333 of the family code for you, but then I remembered Ji-eun will never commit adultery, more so if it's with your sorry ass." You smirked at Jungkook, rage still boiling within you.
You were not the only one annoyed, though. Jungkook looked at you in disbelief; his eyebrows pinched together as he huffed, "What is it this time? I'm not doing anything!"
"You're not fooling anyone here, asshole. Don't think for a moment that I don't see you looking pathetically at Mrs. Lee."
"The heck are you on?"
"That you're in love with Ji-eun? That's the only reason why you're looking in our direction." You rolled your eyes, looking smug. "Unless you had a change of heart and are now pining after Captain Yoongiâwhich I'm not opposed to, by the way. I'm all for gay rights. You might be too late, though. I think he's a little too in love with your Chief Police Kim."
You shook your head in pity for Jungkook. Ji-eun and Yoongi were cousins. Why did Jungkook seem to only like Mins, who were already in love with someone else?
"Will you shut up?" Jungkook's jaw ticked. Beads of sweat formed on his forehead. He looked panicked.
You snickered, "Oh, no. Is Jungkook-boy shyâ"Â
"I'm looking at you, damn it!" Jungkook seized your wrist and pulled you closer to him. From the outside's point of view, it looked like Jungkook was some gang leader bullying a helpless girl. But that's the thing. Only his looks were imposingâJungkook's grey suit perfectly hugged his toned body. His hairstyle drastically changed since your teenage years, too. Per the police officer standard, Jungkook was now sporting an undercut that made his jaw look more chiseled. His aura was intimidating, but only you knew how gently he had pulled you close to his body.
Jungkook whispered into your ears, "I'm worried, alright? I need your help. Can you see those two women sitting by the window? They've been here since morning, and they're watching you and meâus. I don't seem to recall their faces. Sora and Niccolo were not related to them in any way either."
Jungkook had met the people around the married couple. He knew even the customers in Sora and Niccolo's restaurant. This was the first time Jungkook was seeing these women.
You were alerted, too. It was uncommon for strangers to attend the departed's wake, so these two women could either be from Falco and Gabi's side or...
Your eyes widened at the sudden realization. Unfortunately, before you could warn Jungkook, the two ladies had already noticed your gaze and immediately walked in your direction.
"Hi there. My name is Frieda, and this is my coworker, Ms. Kiyomi. We're social workers assigned by the local government to check on orphans."
"It's nice to meet you." Thankfully, you had no problems switching gears. Being a lawyer taught you to fake pleasantries despite shaking on the inside. As expected, these two women were social workers here to see Hanni's condition. Regrettably, you had failed to discuss this earlier with Jungkook.
"I know this is not the best time to visit, but we're just concerned about the little girl. Hanni, that's her name, right?" Kiyomi was an old woman who appeared strict and conservative. Her smile made your eyes twitch. "I take it you're the host of this wake. Do you mind sharing with us if Mr. Niccolo and his wife assigned a legal guardian for Hanni?"
"Legal guardians, actually." You mirrored Kiyomi's smile. "I'm the family's lawyer and Sora's childhood best friend. She has left her notarized will with me. I can send you both the hard and soft copy any time."
"That's good to hear," Frieda answered, "But right now, we want to personally meet the assigned guardians. Where is Hanni, by the way?"
"Hanni is sleeping in her room with SWAT officer Lee's children, right, babe?"
"Huh?" Jungkook asked dumbly when he felt your hand encircling his biceps. To say he was shocked by your term of endearment would be an understatement because what the fuck? Did you just call him babe?
"Oh," Kiyomi's eyes lit up. "You're the assigned guardians, I suppose?"
"Yes, we are." You felt Jungkook stiffen when you leaned your head onto his biceps. You originally wanted to lean on his shoulder, but he was too tall. You guessed it didn't matter as long as you had skin contact with Jungkook.
Kiyomi didn't seem to be convinced, though. Her keen eyes wandered over yours and Jungkook's empty ring fingers.
"Ah!" You grabbed Jungkook's left hand and intertwined your fingers with his. "We removed our engagement rings for now. You know, Hanni's at the age where she just likes sucking onto everything. You can't have a kid swallowing a diamond, can you?"
The two women laughed at your lame joke. Meanwhile, Jungkook's face still couldn't be painted. Every part of his being urged him to push you away, but he had a hunch that would be unwise.
Jungkook looked at the two ladies before side-eyeing you. He felt like losing to a sick game, which didn't sit well with him. Jungkook hated it when you were one step ahead, so he played your game despite not knowing the rules.
He grabbed your interlaced fingers and kissed them. "Don't worry, hon. The ring is just for aesthetic purposes. I am still yours without it."
"Oh, my. What a lovely couple!" Kiyomi finally fell into your gimmick. She rubbed her chest as if what she saw warmed her heart, "It's getting late. People are coming, why don't you go and welcome them? Frieda and I are just leaving."
You calmed your beating heart before answering the old lady, "Don't you wanna see Hanni first?"
Frieda and Kiyomi fell silent and seemed to be hesitant. Hearing SWAT officer Lee's name actually scared them. They were afraid of offending Jongsuk. Kids were especially fussy when their nap was disturbed, yes?
"No need. We have already imposed too much. Why don't we schedule a meeting after the funeral?" Frieda raised her brow.
"Sounds lovely. Wait a second. We'll give you our contact information."
The two social workers finally left after exchanging contact details and a few more pleasantries. Your hand was still enveloped by Jungkook's big, warm hand. He took this as an opportunity to lightly drag you into an empty room.
"What the hell just happened there?" For someone who's confused, Jungkook sure enjoyed holding your hand. His grip tightened when you laughed mockingly.
"You called me honâcringe, by the wayâbut you can't grasp what happened there? Are you for real?"
"Let go!" You wriggled out of his grasp, yet Jungkook did not let you go. He pulled you close to him and stared at you intently.
"No." Jungkook jutted his chin. "Not unless you explain what that was all about."
Looking at Jungkook's eyes made you shudder. You knew him. He was stubborn. Seeing the determination in his eyes, you realized it was wise not to tease him any further. Jungkook was many things, but he never joked about romantic feelings. Call it old school, but he already regretted playing your game. How could he forget how much of a menace you were?
"I'm not making fun of you, alright? I had to pretend we're lovers, for Hanni's sake." You explained to Jungkook that most social workers were vicious when doing their jobs. Kiyomi was an old lady. Of course, she'd prefer to see Hanni with a loving and complete family as her guardians. She had the power to manipulate the judge's decision. You were afraid she would suggest assigning Hanni to strangers who could give her an illusion of a 'happy family.'
"So are you saying we have to pretend we're dating in front of those social workers?" Jungkook wasn't unreasonable. He was willing to hear your ridiculous idea if this meant keeping Hanni in a safe space.
"Well," you sighed in lament. "Not just in front of the social workers, unfortunately. Kiyomi and Frieda might interview anyone in our circle. It will be bad if they find out we're lying, worse, that we hate each other."
"I don't hate you, though." Jungkook's response was immediate. He creased his forehead as if not understanding what you said. "But I find you extremely annoying."
"The feeling is mutual." You exerted all your energy to wriggle out of his grasp.Â
Jungkook smirked and thought of getting back at you for getting him all flustered before those social workers, "Eh? Are you getting sick of my touch already? Careful. We might have to do more than hold hands to convince people we're to be married."
"You are so..." You trailed off because of irritation. "Irrational and a hypocrite! Don't you hate faking romantic things with me?" And aren't you in love with Ji-eun?
Jungkook shrugged nonchalantly; a smirk was still plastered on his lips. "I adapt fast. I can tolerate your annoying face, for Hanni's sake."Â
He pinched your cheek.
You slapped his hand away and squared your shoulders. Damn you, Jungkook Jeon.
"Bring it on, then."
***
Bullshit.
Your claim against Jungkook to 'bring it on" was complete and utter bullshit. Not only was it difficult, but it was also unrealistic and close to being impossible. Truthfully, you two did not feel it at once, mainly because you were busy with the funeral and had your other friends help you with Hanni.
Now, however...
"Terni, I'm sorry," Hanni's bright eyes glistened with tears as she stared at you. She was only three, but surprisingly, she could already pronounce words clearlyâexcept maybe the word attorney.
Sora told her daughter to call you 'Attorney' so the little one could brag to people about having a cool godmother who was a lawyer. Hanni was an intelligent child. Admittedly, you suspected she could actually pronounce the word attorney correctly. She simply preferred calling you Terni as it was cuter and perhaps because it was easier to escape your wrath.
Hanni accidentally spilled a full glass of her favorite chocolate drink on your work documents. These were all related to the cases you told your secretary to cancel when you found out Sora died. Unfortunately, your words held no weight as you still needed to take on these casesâwhether you wanted to or not. Besides, your mourning period was coming to an end. Sora and Niccolo had found their resting place already. Your only worry was Hanni and your pending cases.
"It's okay, darling." The side of your upper lip twitched while you threw the files in the trash bin. You kept reminding yourself that lashing out at a three-year-old kid was unreasonable.Â
'But it's not unreasonable to displace your anger to a certain police lieutenant.' The voice inside your head supplied. You smirked, feeling enlightened. Obviously, you were going to listen to the voice. Every chance you got to annoy Jungkook was gold.
"Why don't I put you in your crib first? Terni will just talk to Jungkook-boy, okay?"
Because she knew she was at fault here, Hanni nodded and let you carry her back to her room. The Kang' residence was quite big. You, Hanni, and Jungkook each had your own rooms. The master bedroom remained untouched, though. You didn't have the heart to invade the late couple's personal space. Besides, you were only temporarily residing here. This was not your house, and Hanni was not your childâyou weren't even fully recognized by the court as Hanni's guardian. This could all be taken away from you sooner or later.
It was better not to get attached and keep things as they were. Taking this into consideration, you went to the kitchen to annoy Jungkook. Unfortunately, you were only able to say a few words before your face and mind blanked out. Clearly, no one prepared you on how to react seeing Jungkook buzzing around the kitchen while washing dishesâthe same dishes you and Hanni used for breakfast this morning.
Jungkook wore washing gloves; soap suds painted his left cheek while pots and plates surrounded him.Â
"What'd you say again?" Jungkook spared you a glance, washing the mug you used for coffee earlier.
You swallowed thickly and forced your eyes away from the dishes. You originally wanted to chastise him for slacking off and not bringing Hanni to the daycare center on time. If Hanni was at the daycare, then your files wouldn't get soaked up in a chocolate drink in the first place. You couldn't blame him now, could you? Not when he was busy cleaning the kitchen after preparing breakfast for you and Hanni.
In your defense, you did not ask him to cook for you, too. You woke up with the smell of pancakes, bacon, and eggs wafting inside your room. Of course, you got up to scold him for not turning on the exhaust hood.
"You're awake?" You remembered Jungkook raising a brow upon seeing you. Hanni was already sitting on her high chair; her mouth was watering because of how good her breakfast smelled. "Come on, join us for breakfast."
You swallowed the insults at the tip of your tongue as Jungkook placed two big plates and a small one on the table.
"I don't eat breakfast," you said indifferently. It was true. When you reach your office, your secretary will have a cup of macadamia-flavored coffee ready. That was the only thing you had for breakfast. It had probably been years since you'd eaten anything solid during the morning.
Jungkook seemed to misunderstand your response, though. He thought you just didn't like to eat what he cooked. He taunted you, "There's no poison here, Empress. Your lowly male concubines have tasted the food for you."
To demonstrate, Jungkook swallowed a spoonful of bacon and pancakes.
"You're mistaken. You are no concubine of mine." You sneered but took a seat to eat. "You're merely my eunuch."
Teenager Jungkook would have turned red-faced and just cussed you out, but he grew up, and those blind dates with countless supermodels had improved his confidence. Jungkook pressed his hand on the table and peered down at you. His broad chest was inches away from your face.
"Now, that would be misleading, Empress. Can a eunuch have this?" He didn't use words, merely gesturing toward himself, particularly on the lower portion of his body.
The teenager you would have turned pissed and just cussed Jungkook out, but despite maturing into an adult woman, you still couldn't handle jokes like this, causing your face to turn scPark.
Jungkook chuckled at your reaction but didn't push you anymore. He liked pressing your buttons, though not to the point of making you uncomfortable. He was not an ass.
"Let's just eat, alright?"
Jungkook happily agreed and put some food on your plate. You merely glanced at it before playing it cool by opening up another topic, "It's your turn to send Hanni to daycare today, right? Her class is at 7am. Her teacher said she could go back to class but is welcome to extend her break."
Hanni's parents just died, after all. Besides, it wasn't a formal school. The daycare was established as a consideration for children who had working parents.
"Yes, I'll bathe her today. too, then we'll go to the center after." Jungkook smeared maple syrup on Hanni's pancakes. He had added finely cut grapes on top of it as he was afraid Hanni would choke on the circled fruit.
"Good. I'll finish some work today," you said as a form of respect.
You and Jungkook decided to co-parent Hanni and see if you could commit to it. Jungkook was assigned to take care of Hanni from Monday to Wednesday. Meanwhile, your schedule was from Thursday to Saturday. This included sending Hanni to school, feeding, bathing, and playing with her. Sunday was your only free day, as Hanni would be in the care of your friends. Captain Yoongi and Chief Namjoon said they'd bring Hanni out to play this Sunday.
It was a relief, really. You need to go back to Seoul this Sunday to finish some work and formally announce to your subordinates and clients that you will be moving to Busan for the time being. Your schedule this week was jampacked. Fortunately, Kiyomi and Frieda postponed the meeting and said they would inform you at their earliest convenience. As it turned out, those social workers weren't utterly heartless as they intended to give you and Jungkook a breather until the settlement of Sora and Niccolo's case.
Right. That was another concern of yours. You turned to Jungkook, "What time is your lunch break? I'm meeting up with Prosecutor Lee and Captain Yoongi this afternoon. Wanna join us?"
You and Jungkook played well when you were teaming up instead of being rivals. He shook his head in lament, "I can't. I have to finish some work at the station too. Just fill me in with the details later."
"Alright." You continued eating after that. Surprisingly, the breakfast with Hanni and Jungkook went well. Your morning would have been perfect hadn't been for Hanni messing up your filesâwhich led you back to staring dumbly at Jungkook, who was still busy cleaning up the kitchen.
It was past seven in the morning. You were busy working and weren't able to track time. "Didn't you say you would send Hanni to daycare today? Why haven't you?"
"Oh." Jungkook scratched the back of his head. "I called the teacher and informed her that Hanni isn't coming today." Jungkook let Hanni walk around the house and find you. He guessed it was his fault for having too much confidence in a three-year-old kid. Of course, giving Hanni a chocolate drink wasn't a guarantee that she would be able to tell you she wasn't going to school today. Jungkook was too much of a pussy to tell you himself. He knew how you were when working. You would breathe fire at him for disturbing you.
"Why, though?" You puffed out air, "We can't keep doing this, you know? Hanni needs to socialize with other people." It wasn't that you wanted Hanni to forget her parents, but lately, Hanni had been asking where her mum and dad went. You and Jungkook hadn't discussed a healthy way to go over such a sensitive topic. Besides, you and Jungkook were working adults who needed time to do their jobs. You couldn't spend all day looking after Hanni.
"I know, but she sneezed twice this morning. It's already so cold outside. What if she catches the flu?"
"Oh, my gosh, you overprotective dumbass." You rolled your eyes at Jungkook, but the latter shrugged it off. You could call him whatever you wanted. However, he couldn't risk his goddaughter getting sick.
"I'll go to work in a while and drop by Hanni's doctor after my shift. I'll inquire about her medical records and see if we can get her a flu vaccine. Don't worry," Jungkook's eyes were thoughtful. "It's Monday, so I'll take care of everything myself. You can go to work today. I'll just text you if something comes up."
The day wasn't even halfway done, but you found yourself agreeing to Jungkook without a need for a fight. This was new, and you found it surprisingly refreshing.
"Fine." You acquiesced as the urge to blame him for your soaked files disappeared. Maybe you were wrongâmaybe, just maybe, co-parenting Hanni with Jungkook wasn't as bad as you imagined.
***
Your afternoon turned out to be hectic, so the meeting with the two Mins was pushed to 3pm. Captain Yoongi invited you to a tea shop as it was quieter there.
"I personally think we have no shot in filing a murder case against those brats." Chamomile tea wasn't enough to calm you down as you looked at the crime pictures again.
Sora was sprawled on the cold ground; the pool of blood made you wanna puke. It didn't help that Ji-eun was drinking a strawberry-flavored tea.
"You're right. Given the elements of a murder, two are not present. Mens rea and actus rus," Ji-eun voiced out the legal terms. According to Captain Yoongi, Gabi and Falco gave consistent explanations during the interrogation. It was similar to what they told your secretary.
The teens did not intend to kill Sora and her husband. They were merely trying throttle therapy, which, unfortunately, went wrong.
Falco said he switched lanes to avoid crashing into a car maneuvering into a U-turn. It just happened that Sora and Niccolo were crossing the street before Falco could step on the break.
"I think that's what Jungkook did when he forced confessions from the brats. He wanted them to admit to murdering Sora and Niccolo so they could get the maximum penalty. However, I can tell it was an accident. We can only file for reckless imprudence resulting in multiple homicides." Captain Yoongi held his cup tightly, an indication that he was angry at what happened but couldn't do anything about it.
"That's my plan, but I think Annie Leonhart will reduce her clients' charges to manslaughter."
Manslaughter? Yoongi's brow creased. He wasn't a lawyer, so naturally, he couldn't immediately follow the logic behind the prosecutor's words.
You explained it to him, "It means Annie is a bitch, Captain. Based on my assumption, I bet she'll fake some medical records and say Falco took some kind of drug to help with his mental health issues." She would make it appear that Falco was unaware the drug given to him could cause hallucinations, confusion, and probably a loss of energy. "Or she'll have the clients' families pay a random person to confess tampering with Falco's car, hence the break not working. Either way, Attorney Leonhart will find a scapegoat and make it appear that what Gabi and Falco did was unintentional."
"You're so familiar with these tactics, aren't you?" Yoongi knitted his brow. In return, you tilted your head to the side as if to show a 'what can I say' attitude. The Captain was not wrong. You were also familiar with the techniques you mentioned because you were a defense lawyer.
Ji-eun wasn't bothered. She figured out the logic behind your tactics. She clasped her hands and said, "Captain Yoongi called me on the day of the incident. I've sent some people to subject Falco and Gabi to medical examinations. No need to fret. The results will show if they've taken any drugs. There were two more independent examiners, so they can't accuse us of faking the results."Â
Good. Your shoulders relaxed upon hearing that. Ji-eun continued, "We must pay attention to the other excuse Annie might choose." Prosecutor Lee emphasized how affluent the Braun and Grice families were. It would be easy for them to fake 'dispute' with people, forcing them to tamper with the car Falco drove. "Captain, my cousin-in-law is good friends with this case's judge, correct? I need your help with evidence submitted before the trial. I need time to study the witnesses, too."
"Cousin-in-law?" Ji-eun said many things, but this was the only thing Yoongi grasped. The Captain was not married yet. Who could Ji-eun be referring to as her cousin-in-law?
"Chief Police Namjoon Kim." Prosecutor Lee said with a face vacant of any emotions that even the hard-to-faze Yoongi almost spit his tea. You laughed heartily. Oh, men and their poor attempt to conceal their feelings. It was hilarious when boys fell in love. They looked like idiots who seemed to forget how to navigate life.
"Namjoon is not your cousin-in-law...yet," Yoongi cleared his throat. "But yes, he will be...helping you with anything you need with the case. Just send either one of us a text or go to our house. Make sure to bring Rin when you visit."
Rin was Ji-eun and Jongsuk's eldest son and Yoongi's favorite. He spoiled that kid rotten. You adored that kid, too. Admittedly, your topic switched to the Lee kids, and you also took this time to ask Ji-eun for tips on caring for a small child.
The sun had already set by the time your meeting ended. A fond smile was still plastered on your lips long after the Ji-eun and Yoongi left, but it didn't take long for your smile to disappear once you heard your phone buzz.
Someone had sent you a message. The number wasn't saved in your contacts, but the previous messages gave you a clue about who it was.
Unknown number:
Seoul is colder now that you're not here. I miss you.
You stared at the message for some time, then sighed as if accepting defeat. You scrolled through your contacts and called the one named 'Eunuch Jungkook.'
"What can I do for you, Empress?" Jungkook answered after two rings. His tone carried some teasing, which eased your heart a little.
"Something came up. I'm going back to Seoul tonight. My secretary said she needs helpâ"
"Alright," Jungkook responded softly before you could finish your excuse. You did not need to explain to him. Jungkook understood your line of work. He couldn't hold it against you. Besides, it's Monday. He could care for Hanni himself. "Just text me when you'll be back. And don't you dare forget to bring back some monjayaki for me and Hanni!"
"Fine, fine." You rolled your eyes, feigning irritation. "I'll see you soon."
"Good. Take care." Jungkook had you talk to Hanni for a few minutes before hanging up. After that, you booked a car to drive you back to Seoul. This was better than a subway. After all, you need to conserve energy to talk to that one person.
You sighed. This would definitely be a long night...
***
Mina bombarded you with workloads the second you stepped foot in your office in Seoul.Â
"I'm sorry, Attorney." Mina was apologetic when she handed you the documents. "You need to attend to one more hearing tomorrow."Â
"Another business dispute?" You looked at your secretary in disbelief. Seriously? All the cases you have been handling these past couple of days were related to businesses dealing with trademark infringement and violating the labor code. It was a surprise that these business owners still trusted you. Admittedly, you thought most of your clients would withdraw now that you didn't have the support of the Braun and Grice families.
"Yes, your client refused to settle as they did not want to pay the amount demanded by the other party."
You scoffed. Those greedy assholes. They had the nerve to ignore the labor law but couldn't face the consequences of their actions?
"Tell my client I'm meeting them in an hour. Either that or they can go find another lawyer." You would 'persuade' them to settle out of court today as you couldn't attend tomorrow's hearing. You were in a hurry to return to Busan since it was already Sunday. Jungkook had been caring for Hanni the whole week, which made you feel guilty. Jungkook had another role he needed to fulfill aside from being Hanni's guardian. What kind of person were you if you kept on holding him back?
Besides, there was still another person you must meet today. Thankfully, you were able to convince your client to settle, although you were not proud of the method you used to persuade them. Eh. You guessed it didn't matter because you finally told Jungkook you were heading back to Busan tonight.
"Who're you texting?" The last person you met tonight was himâhim, as in the one who claimed to 'miss you' but whose number was still unregistered to your phone.
"Work," you replied indifferently before switching off your phone. You will read Jungkook's message later. For now, you had to deal with this annoying bastard.
"You'll go back to Busan tonight?" He sounded unhappy. Rico Braun had always been like thisâtoo clingyâtoo whiny. You'd think he was obsessed with you if you didn't know any better. But that's the thing. You were aware of what kind of guy he was. He liked having a successful woman by his side, someone he could brag to his family and friends. You fit his criteria wellâa beautiful woman who worked hard for a better life. It was a bonus that the Braun family liked you for Rico, too.
"I already told you," you pushed Rico's hand that was about to encircle your waist. "I'll be staying in Busan for a while. I only went back here to finish some work and to say some things to you."
Rico's eyes sparkled in anticipation. He claimed to be wise, but he couldn't even detect the coldness in your tone. You did not want him. "I've said this before, and I'm saying this again: whatever romantic idea you have about the two of us will never manifest. I can't be your girlfriend, okay?"
Rico wanted to argue, but you cut him off.
"It's not an invitation for you to ask me to be your wife. I don't like you anymore, Rico." Sometimes, being honest was the only way to save your future self from more trouble. Rico had been bugging you since your college days. There was one time you considered dating himâthinking it was for the betterâthat a ruthless lawyer like you was perfect for a narcissistic boy like him.
"This is also the last time I'm meeting with you. From now on, do not bother me. Your family is not connected with me anymore, either. They probably hate me." Rico was Gabi's older brother. How this person still had the audacity to meet you after what his sibling did to your best friend was beyond you. "Are we clear on this matter?"
Rico's face was impassive, acting as if the news you dropped did not concern him. He crinkled his eyes, "Well, then. It's getting late. I can't have you take the train at this hour, right? Come. I'll drive you to Busan."
"No need." You were about to walk away, but Rico seized your wrist.
His lips twitched. "I insist. Please? For old time's sake."
There was no winning when it came to this blockhead. You relented when he promised this would be the last time he'd ask to drive you. He said he was going back to the U.S. next week, anyway.
The drive back to Busan was fortunately short. Rico drove safely and did not insist on talking while on the road. You imagined being friends with him after what happened with Sora, but you just couldn't do it.
You and Rico had a fair share of understanding each other before, though all those memories were now buried deep in your heart. You did not want anything to do with them anymore.
"Thanks for the ride." You hopped off Rico's car the second it stopped in front of the Kang' residence. You felt nauseated and couldn't help but feel guilty that someone related to Sora's murderer was here. You used to think guilt by association was nonsensical, but now you understand it was a way to ease an angry person's pain.
"You're welcome." Rico rolled down the window and smiled at you. "Have a good night."
You immediately went inside the house after that short exchange. You and Jungkook both had duplicates of the key's door, so you got inside without calling Jungkook.
It was already late, so Hanni was most likely asleep. Maybe Jungkook retired for the night, too. Thinking about this, you tiptoed inside and made sure not to make any loud noises.
However, you were shocked when you saw Jungkook standing by the floor-length window and looking outside it like some predatory bird.
"Did you promote yourself from being a lowly eunuch to an empress' royal guard?" It was meant to be a sneer, but your tone made it seem like gentle teasing.
Jungkook whipped his head and met your eyes. He was shocked to see you, too. "I'm not waiting for you." He denied vehemently. He even crossed his arms. "I just thought it was Hanni who arrived."
"Oh?" You checked your wristwatch. "It's past nine. Hanni's still not home?"
Jungkook shook his head, "Not yet. Captain Yoongi called. He said Hanni's enjoying herself too much in their home. Apparently, Chief Namjoon built a playground for her." Ji-eun and Jongsuk's children were there too. "Who drove you here? Your secretary? A friend? Your colleague?"
Jungkook saw the flashy car outside and how fast you hopped out of that vehicle. He wondered why. Was it because the driver did something to get you all flustered?
Jungkook found himself clenching his fist. It did not help that you were avoiding his question. Admittedly, you did not want Jungkook to know that Rico drove you here. Luckily, you found a way to divert the topic when you looked at him directly.
"Huh?" You squinted your eyes. You didn't catch it earlier since you were meters away from him, but now you could clearly see the bruise on his face. "Is that a black eye?"
It was Jungkook's turn to avoid your question. He looked away and kept his mouth sealed. What the hell?
"What? Are you playing deaf now? I'm asking you, asshole. Is that a black eye?" You trudged toward him and grabbed his jaw so you could examine his face. You were right. Jungkook had a black eye and a cut in his lips.
Looking at him made your temple hurt. You gritted your teeth in anger.
"What are you up to these days, huh? Did you go around fighting civilians? Aren't you in public service? What the hell is wrong with you?"
"It's not a big deal." Jungkook shook his head to wriggle out of your grasp. "There's a guy at the station who pissed me off."
"That's it?" Wow. He was really an idiot. "Do you go around punching people who pissed you off? What about me, then? Since you piss me off so much, should I just punch you to death?"
You pulled Jungkook to sit on the couch and grabbed the first aid kit to clean his wounds. Jungkook was not even bothered with his cuts. He just displayed them as if they were some kind of Christmas decorations.
Jungkook endured how hard you pressed the cotton swab in his face. He was like a docile kid listening to an adult talk. His posture was relaxed, though. Jungkook had his arms spread on the armrest while his legs were wide apart.
"When did this happen, anyway? Did Hanni see you like this? How did she react?" You couldn't bear seeing Hanni cry and questioning why her precious Jungkook-boy was hurt. Hanni was softhearted. How could anyone talk to her about stinky men fighting? It was disgusting.
Jungkook sighed when he realized you would not let it go. "It happened earlier, alright? Captain Yoongi and I met at the police station to discuss something before he went home with Hanni. It's his and the Chief's day off today. Ji-eun dropped by at the station, too. She came bearing bad news..."
Apparently, the one who impounded Falco's car was negligent. He let some people check the vehicle without proper documents. Now, these people were claiming to be car mechanics and that they found Falco's car to have a faulty break.
Damn it. Your premonition had come true. Jungkook was so mad he punched the negligent asshole until he was crying and shaking on the ground. Captain Yoongi saw what happened, so he stopped Jungkook by punching him in the face. He didn't want to, but he had to act 'fair' in front of other police officers. Besides, if he didn't stop Jungkook, there was a big probability that Jungkook would end up killing that negligent officer.
"Why didn't you call me?" You whispered. You couldn't bear to press the cotton swab harder on Jungkook's face after finding out what happened.
"Why?" Jungkook hmphed. " So you can stop me?"
"No." You met his eyes. "So I can punch that asshole too."
Jungkook clearly did not expect that response from you, yet he couldn't help his lips from curling up. Right. You told him before not to worryâyou loved Sora so much that you wouldn't let go of those who hurt her.
"Nah," Jungkook shook his head and grabbed your hand. It was close to his lips. You could feel his hot breath on your hand. "You're just gonna hurt your hands. Empresses shouldn't fight lowly people."
Jungkook managed to make you laugh before dropping the bad news to you, "The guy is sent to the hospital and broke a few bones. Serves him right, although..." He smiled in embarrassment, "Captain Yoongi suspended me. I am jobless for a month."
What?
Before you could react, Jungkook stood up to defend himself in case you punched him, "Isn't it great? Now, you have more time to work! I can take care of Hanni the whole day. Yay?"
"Jungkook, you idiot!" You took off your shoe to throw it at him. Unfortunately, the doorbell rang.
Jungkook rushed to the door, "Hanni's here! Don't hurt me, Terni. You can't teach a three-year-old violence!"
The door opened while your shoe was flying in the air. Captain Yoongi was the first to enter the house, causing the shoe to hit his chest.
"Captain!" You and Jungkook snickered. Namjoon was behind him, carrying a sleeping Hanni in his arms. He saw what had happened to Yoongi. The Chief didn't react, though. In fact, he seemed to be holding back a chuckle.
Yoongi glared at Namjoon before throwing a daggered look at you and Jungkook. He loosened his tie and said, "Come here while I'm still asking nicely."
You seemed to teleport back to when Yoongi was training you and the other kids in martial arts. The traumatic memories prompted you to back away and wave your hand in a hurry, "Well, then. It's getting late. Jungkook, you should put Hanni to bed. Captain, Chief, it's nice to see you. Good night!"
You ran to your bedroom after that, ignoring Jungkook's incessant call to you. Captain Yoongi pulled the collar of Jungkook's shirt. He was about to teach him a lesson but backed off when he saw the bruise on his face.
"You're lucky I don't want to touch your face anymore." Yoongi pushed Jungkook and gestured for Namjoon to hand Hanni back to Jungkook. "Take back your kid. She ate all the candies at home. I'll buy more tomorrow and feed them to her next week. Good night."
Jungkook was dumbfounded as he carried Hanni into his arms. He smiled awkwardly at his bosses. "Good night, Captain. Good night, Chief."
Namjoon patted Jungkook's back before following Yoongi outside. "Good night, Jungkook."
Jungkook stood there for a few minutes before blinking back to reality. His bosses were long gone, but he still felt he was in a fever dream.Â
"Huh," Jungkook muttered to himself as he made a beeline to Hanni's bedroom. "What a strange night."
Indeed, it was a strange night.
***
The strangeness of that same night didn't end instantly. At 11pm, you and Jungkook jolted awake and rushed to Hanni's room when you heard her loud wail from each of your baby monitors.
"Hey, sweetheart. It's okay." You took Hanni's small frame and rubbed the back of her head. You were panting from being forcefully woken up to attending to Hanni in a matter of seconds.
Jungkook was also worried about Hanni but wasn't as disoriented as you. You guessed it was because his work forced him to deal with much more dangerous things. He assessed the situation by languidly looking at you as you pacified the child.
"Bad dream?" Jungkook caressed Hanni's hot cheek. Tears were still falling down her face. The little kid nodded and nuzzled her cheek to Jungkook's finger as if finding comfort in his soft touch.
"Can you tell us what happened, Hanni?" You continued rubbing her back and called her by her given name. You just needed to make sure she was present and that she knew you would listen to what she had to say.
"Let's sit for a while, yeah?" Sleepiness could still be traced to Jungkook's eyes. He didn't seem to have fully woken up yet, but ironically, he was aware of his surroundings.
One look at you, and Jungkook's hand had already made its way to fix the strap of your lingerie that fell on your shoulder.Â
Goosebumps pricked at your skin. Jungkook's palm was unbelievably warmâit calmed your shaking body as if telling you Hanni was safe. There was no need to worry if Jungkook's attention could stray to a petty matter like the strap of your dress.
But damn it. Was this really a small matter? Your face was flushed red, and your heart felt like it was about to explode because of embarrassment. You were wearing a sexy nightgown, after all. This was your secretary's fault! Why'd she pack these clothes for you?
'No. This isn't about me.' You scolded yourself as you gently helped Hanni sit on her crib bed. You sat on the floor, and Jungkook, the attentive man he was, retrieved a blanket you could use for cover. He sat on the floor, too, gently coaxing Hanni to talk about her nightmare.
The little girl said she saw her parents in her dream. She kept calling for them, but Sora and Niccolo never looked back. The couple just walked farther away from her.
"I miss mummy and daddy," Hanni said through whiny sobs. Your heart ached for her.
You knew you hadn't given your best for this godchild of yours. Your attention was mainly focused on work and Sora's case. Could you even call yourself a guardian at this point? Hanni was a small child who needed protection without asking. Why did it take you so long to comfort her? Why did you think skipping over an important topic was okay just because you were afraid to see how she would react?
Hanni was nothing like you. She was not an adult who could understand her emotions. She was a child. She needed to feel. She needed to understand what emotions were.
"Do you like rabbits, Hanni?" You spoke with bated breaths, but your smile was wide as ever. You couldn't break down this time. Hanni needed you.Â
Jungkook didn't steal your spotlight, either. He sat quietly and listened to how you would explain things to Hanni.
The child looked confused and lost, yet she nodded her head at your question, "I like rabbits. Mummy and Daddy brought me to the zoo before. There are so many of them."
A small smile cracked Hanni's lips, but her heart felt heavy as she hugged the rabbit toy in her bed.
Admittedly, you didn't know where this topic would stray at first. The rabbit toy simply caught your attention, and before you knew it, you were already using it as a euphemism for Sora and Niccolo's passing.
"Yes, sweetheart. There are so many rabbits in this world! Your mummy and daddy didn't hear your call because they're busy looking after the rabbits."
"I-I don't understand," Hanni pouted her cherry lips.
You patted her head, "Well, do you remember what it's like to be at your mummy and daddy's restaurant?"
Hanni said yes and briefly described the place and experience to be lively. She really enjoyed watching everyone enjoy eating their food.
"Your mummy and daddy are currently on a mission, Hanni. They are in a faraway place trying to feed rabbits. Your daddy cooks delicious food, right? Mummy is with him to make sure every rabbit has a full belly and a cute smile."
"Really?" Hanni's eyes glistened with astonishment. "Mummy and daddy are making sure all rabbits are happy? They're superheroes!?"
"Yes!" You laughed merrily. "Aren't your mummy and daddy great? They know you love rabbits so much that they want them to live a long and happy life."
"That's good." Hanni seemed happy initially, but she knitted her brow in confusion afterward. "But when are they coming back?"
You looked at Jungkook and signaled him to help you. Regrettably, the dumbass appeared to be deeply engrossed by your story too. He shrugged and mouthed for you to continue.
You rolled your eyes at him before grinning at Hanni, "There are many, many, many, many rabbits in the world, so it's gonna take one hundred years before you can see your mummy and daddy again."
"Hundred years?" Hanni stared at her palm and attempted to count using her fingers. She had only counted one to three before completely giving up.
"I don't know how to count to a hundred, Terni." Hanni was frustrated. Thankfully, Jungkook finally interjected the conversation.Â
"Don't worry, little one. Terni and I will help you count every day, okay? We'll take care of you for one hundred years until you're reunited with your mummy and daddy."
"Really?" Hanni's fear and sadness were not in sight anymore. She raised her tiny arms enthusiastically, "Hanni's very happy. I love Terni and Jungkook-boy so much!"
You and Jungkook both squeezed to fit Hanni's embrace. The little girl was excited about the possibility of spending time with her new guardians, so you let her talk until she fell asleep.
It didn't take long as Hanni was already exhausted from overplaying at Captain Yoongi's place. You guessed this was also the reason why she had a nightmare. Kids weren't supposed to overexert energy and sleep late, so you thought this was the right time for you and Jungkook to make a new schedule for Hanni's daily activities.
The next morning, you got up early to prepare breakfast. It wasn't only Hanni's schedule that you needed to fix. Her eating habits must be taken into consideration, too. Jungkook brought Hanni to her pediatrician last week and sent you the doctor's findings and suggestions.
Sora and Niccolo used to feed Hanni anything under the sun. It didn't help that your friends, especially Captain Yoongi, were a bunch of softhearted fools who always bought sweets for the little one.
You figured you'd cut Hanni's sugar intake and feed her a full meal twice and a bottle of formulated milk at night.
Today's breakfast was a simple avocado toast and random fruits you'd found in the kitchen and threw into the blender. You were not used to doing this as your secretary took care of all your meals. Fortunately, almost everything was searchable on the internet already.
It didn't take you long to follow the recipe you found online. In fact, you even had time to make Jungkook breakfast, too. It was sort of a 'thank you meal' for handling all matters related to Hanni last week.
You thought Jungkook wasn't so bad. After all, it was hard to hate someone who was soft to kids and respectful to women. Although you knew he was like this from the beginning, the younger version of you would not appreciate it because, hey! You were a regular teenager back then. You had a phase of liking walking red flags and had the "I can fix him" attitude.
You didn't want to indulge in the past anymore, though. You thought one of the few beauties of this world was a person's metamorphosis. You were far from perfect and still had many things to improve, but you were also far from the teenager willing to sacrifice herself for a fraction of someone's affection.
However, you were still a human and craved validation. You waited for Jungkook and Hanni to wake up so they could tell you what they thought about the food you made. Unfortunately, Jungkook seemed to have woken up on the wrong side of the bed.
You didn't notice it at first as he was still all smiles when he greeted you good morning. He even happily played with Hanni before placing her in her high chair. Now that you thought about it, Jungkook's mood only soured when he was checking the mailbox.
"What's wrong with you?" You couldn't help but ask. You were about to eat breakfast. Hanni's starry eyes were excitedly looking at the food you made. You didn't want to start eating while Jungkook's mood was this sour.
Jungkook was surprised that you noticed his bitter expression. He attempted to smoothen his crumpled face and said casually to you, "Nothing's wrong with me. I just find these flowers ugly."
You were so focused on Jungkook's reaction that you didn't notice the bouquet of baby breath flowers he placed on the kitchen countertop.
You winced, "Where'd you get that?"
"Outside. Someone must have left them for you." There was a small card with your name on it. Seeing the handwriting, you instantly knew who it came from.
That damn Rico sure did not know how to give up.
"Serious question, are you dating somebody?" Jungkook asked out of the blue, watching as you picked up the white flowers.
You were still wincing, "Why are you asking me this question again?"
Jungkook shrugged his shoulders to appear nonchalant. Unfortunately, he looked more like he was sulking than uncaring. "I just think it's fair for me to know. I mean, we are co-parenting Hanni. What if other people misunderstand? What if they think we have a secret baby cause we fucked around years ago? I don't want some random dude or woman punching me in the faâ"
"Okay, first of all, shut up." You cut Jungkook off. "Secondly, what the hell? You're acting weird, asshole. I'm not dating anyone. And if I am, do you really think I'll start my relationship being all dishonest? If Hanni's my child, I'd tell my partner immediately. I can't date someone who can't love me and my child. Hello? Is the world turning backward?"
"So you're single?" Jungkook disregarded your speech and only focused on one aspect. Gosh. He still hadn't changed. Jungkook would always get on your nerves. He was an idiot.Â
"No. I'll kill my boyfriend if he gives me baby breaths. Seriously?" You looked at the flowers in disgust. "This looks like popcorn."
"Exactly my thoughts! It's like an impostor. Why don't you throw it away?"
You glared at Jungkook and shielded the flowers, "No way. You can't throw away things just cause they're ugly. What are you? Four?"
"I'm three!" Hanni raised her right hand and giggled. She had been watching you and Jungkook converse. She found you two amusing and thought it would be cool to be a part of it.
"Yes, darling. You're three. Still a babyâour baby." You kissed Hanni's cheeks and said to Jungkook, "I'm displaying these flowers until they wither. Now sit your ass here and eat."
"Haha, Terni. Look at Jungkook-boy." Hanni chuckled and pointed at Jungkook, "He's pouting like a silly boy!"
"I'm not pouting!" Jungkook was defensive. He pursed his lips and forced himself to sit down. He harshly took bites of his avocado toast.
"Hey, you greedy fool. Is this Empress not feeding you enough? Slow down. Geez, there's more." You pushed another slice of avocado toast in his direction.
Jungkook drank his smoothie, "This is pretty decent. I didn't know you were good at this."
Well, you didn't know either. "I'll make our breakfast from now on. We can't keep feeding Hanni random foods. We should go grocery shopping, too."
"We should," Jungkook gently wiped Hanni's mouth. The kid was eating so well. "And oh, have I told you already? Kiyomi and Frieda called last night. They said they'd be visiting on Thursday. We need to prepare."
It was good that you brought up the topic of grocery shopping. Jungkook planned to buy some ingredients to cook a hearty meal for the social workers. His mind was simple: he wanted to thank Kiyomi and Frieda for attentively ensuring Hanni was in good hands.
However, you were different from Jungkook. You agreed about the meal preparation for those social workers, but not with the same logic as him. You only agreed because you wanted Kiyomi and Frieda to think you and Jungkook could handle the basic things parents must do: prepare food for their children despite being committed to work. This would allow you to appear as the perfect guardians.
"It's settled, then. I'm taking half a day off work. We can go shopping after breakfast." You worked your ass off last week, barely having the time to sleep. This week would be less hectic. Besides, this was akin to a transition period, as you wouldn't be accepting complex cases in the meantime. You would opt for clients willing to settle their matters out-of-court. As said, your top priority was Hanni and Sora's case. You trusted your team in Seoul, especially Mina. They had minds of their own. You also disliked micro-managing your subordinates.Â
Everything was falling into its right place. Jungkook thought so, too. A huge grin decorated his lips as he thought of how he'd prepare for tomorrow's visit. The first on Jungkook's list? Make sure the Kang' residence was tidy and homeyâand what made a house homey if not flowers?
Jungkook smirked. Yes, he'd buy flowers and get rid of those stupid popcorn pretending to be pretty flowers. Hah!
***
The day of the social workers' visit had finally arrived. You and Jungkook woke up early to prepare. Hanni still needed to go to the daycare, so you dressed her and sent her to school. Fortunately, her class was until 4pm today, giving you and Jungkook ample time without worrying about the little one.
Jungkook stayed behind as he was occupied with cooking and decorating the house. He might have gone overboard with the decorations, but it was worth it once everything fell into place.
You were bitchy about it, though. You teased Jungkook by playfully asking if his motif for today's lunch was a memorial place. The Kang' residence was spotless, though it had flowers almost at every corner of the house.
Jungkook didn't engage with your poor attempt to fight and just stuck his tongue out at you. You could say everything you wanted, but he knew deep down you liked what he had done to the house.
He was wrong, though. You didn't just like it. You loved it. The flowers Jungkook bought were different colors of daisiesâwhich, coincidentally, was your favorite type of flora. But you'd be damned before you admitted it. You knew how smug Jungkook could be when praisedâjust like now.
"I can't believe you've cooked this, Mr. Jeon. It's very delicious." Kiyomi was enjoying some nikujaga. You were the one who suggested that Jungkook cook this. The soy sauce had a slightly sweet taste, which was good to dip in the vegetables. Kids like Hanni would surely enjoy this meal.
The social workers' attention switched to you upon hearing Jungkook. You cracked a smile and rubbed the back of Jungkook's hand.
Jungkook's fingers were long and bony, making anyone think that Jungkook could break one's neck in just a snap of his finger. It was probably true, especially with how arduous his training was at the police academy. Jungkook had wielded heavy weapons and smashed bottles on criminals' heads more than one could count.
However, looking and feeling were two different things. Surprisingly, Jungkook's hand felt soft under your touch. The protruding veins in the back of his hands pulsated a little, their light green color perfectly contrasting with his silver Versace wristwatch.Â
"Cooking is the least I can do for this family, really." You spoke, watching as Jungkook's eyes drooped when he felt your fingers languidly drawing circles on the back of his palm.Â
You had been cooking their meals these past few days, but that was only because Jungkook had a soft spot for Hanni. He'd indulge her sweet tooth, relenting every time Hanni requested overly sweet pancakes and candies. That wouldn't work for you. Your priority was Hanni's health.Â
"I work a lot, so Jungkook mainly takes care of Hanni. I just support the two of them."
"Oh? Aren't you busy with work, too, Lieutenant?" Frieda enquired. Jungkook's lips quivered, and for a second, he looked as if he wanted to divulge why he wasn't working. You saved him from his idiocy at the last minute:
The key to a good lie was mixing it with the truth. Admittedly, Jungkook hadn't filed for a leave for many years now. His coworkers often teased him, saying he wouldn't find a wife to marry if he focused his time working. However, Jungkook wasn't bothered anymore. He grew tired of spending his weekends going on blind dates. The girls were all pretty and nice, but he didn't feel more for them. He was stuck in the attraction phase. It was as if something was missing. Jungkook wasn't an asshole, so he cut connections with those girls so as to not give them false hope.
There was this one girl who was head over heels for him, though. The woman even brought her parents to the station to cajole Jungkook into marrying their daughter, but the parents gave up halfway because Jungkook seemed oblivious to what they wanted. It was Jimin who told Jungkook about the parents' plan, but Jungkook doubted it. He thought the girl's parents were just being nice.
"Has he not?" Frieda wondered how often you and Jungkook see each other every week if you're both busy with work. She also started asking about your first meeting with Jungkook.
"We've known each other from a very young age. We lived in the same neighborhood and studied in the same school. Though, we only started dating after college." Jungkook lied.
You and Jungkook faked this story together. You two had to make a believable scenario to avoid suspicion. You told more lies, "Yes, as you can see, we started as rivals. Cute, isn't it? Our romantic story is similar to what you see in books."
You brought out your phone and clicked an album in your photo gallery to prove your point. There were a bunch of pictures of you and Jungkook taken in the past. You showed them to the social workers.
"Wow, you've really known each other for so long!" Kiyomi was impressed. There was a photo of a drawing competition during your elementary days. It was captured by your father using an old model camera.
It was one of the worst days of your life. Jungkook was good at drawing, so he was expected to win. He got first place while you were the second placer. Naturally, you could not accept itâespecially not after Jungkook mocked you by drawing himself wearing a golden medal. On his feet was a drawing of you kowtowing at him. In a fit of rage, you kicked his shin, causing him to stumble on the ground. Jungkook did not hit you back but told the teachers and your parents about it.
Your mother held a high position in school, so it was embarrassing for her to see her daughter bully kids. She scolded you and forced you to apologize to Jungkook. You did not want to do it, so you cried and kicked your feet.
Jungkook's parents were understanding. They did not get mad at you and instead told Jungkook to apologize first. It was his fault, anyway. You would not kick him if he did not make fun of you.
Since Jungkook feared his parents, especially his mother, he was left with no choice but to mumble a reluctant sorry. His apology only became sincere when he saw your red eyes. For some reason, Jungkook hated seeing you cry, and so he took off his golden medal and let you wear it.
That was the moment your father captured through a photo: Jungkook was giving you his medal while you looked expectantly at him.
Seeing this, Frieda and Kiyomi couldn't help but feel their hearts softening. They scrolled through your phone and found more pictures of you and Jungkook. All of them were taken mainly by Sora since she used to like photography.
"I now understand why you called yourselves rivals," Frieda crinkled her eyes. She found it endearing rather than annoying, "You compete about almost everything, but I gotta say this one's the most interesting."
Frieda showed a picture of you and Jungkook outside your university. You two were wearing formal clothing while protesting. You were holding a "Be fair to all your students" placard written in red bold letters. Meanwhile, Jungkook had a placard that said, "Kim Mingyu is innocent."
"We didn't know you two were activists. I know who Kim Mingyu is. He's classmates with my younger sister Historia before. Mingyu's case was pretty controversial, wasn't it?"
Kim Mingyu was one of Jungkook's best friends, so it was natural for you to be acquainted with him as well. There were many moments when the Idiot Quartet shared meals with Mingyu. In fact, Mingyu once helped you with an academic project during your freshman year.
Everything was going well until your last semester in college. Someone tipped the school officers that a student from Room 509 was possessing illegal drugs. All students present that day were brought in for investigation. Their things were confiscated, and unfortunately, the only student who had unlawful drugs inside his bag was Mingyu.
But that's the thing. Mingyu might have been possessing the drugs, but his medical records showed no signs of being under the influence of any drugs. There was one student who tested positive in the drug test, though.
It was Mingyu's seatmate. Regrettably, this person was from an affluent family in Seoul whose connection extended to Busan. It was obvious that he planted the drugs inside Mingyu's bag so Mingyu could take the fall.
Mingyu initially tried to appeal, asking his friends and classmates for support. However, no one dared help him. The real culprit was powerful, after all. They did not want to get themselves involved in stuff like this.
It was only you and Jungkook who had the courage to protest. Even Sora and the others were hesitant. They told you not to be reckless and to find another way to help Mingyu without revealing your identity.
Looking back, you realized you didn't have any right to mock Jungkook and Jongsuk for being a so-called suicidal maniac because you were just like them. You were very passionate about upholding justice until one day:
A man in a black suit visited you. You just got home after another unfruitful day of protesting in school on behalf of Mingyu. You didn't really feel like talking to anyone that day, but the man made a promising proposal:
He told you he saw your potential and was willing to fund your law school education until you graduate. Everything would be provided by this man. Starting from your tuition fee up to your personal allowance. All he asked was that you move to Seoul as soon as possible, and...
"So that's it?" Jungkook's spiteful face was clear in your head as if the memory had happened recentlyâexcept it wasn't. This was after your conversation with that man in a suit. Heck. It didn't even take you an hour to decide.
You have already made a decision.
"I'm going to Seoul next week. I don't have time to protest anymore." You said simply. Your voice carried no hint of regret or sadness.
You were just indifferent.
Jungkook scoffed at your reactionâor the lack thereof. His heart had gone cold, and there was no trace of affection left on his soul after your temporary truce for Mingyu's sake.
"Yeah, as if I'm going to believe that. You're saying it's a coincidence that the Braun clan is sponsoring your studies, right? Hah. Sorry, but I call that bullshit." For a moment, Jungkook looked like he would spit on your face, but he didn't. He just balled his hands into fists and looked at you in contempt.
"You made a deal with that family, didn't you? You'll stop protesting in exchange for a straight path they'd dig up for you and your greediness."
Jungkook usually said the most idiotic things, but you couldn't accuse him nowânot when he got everything right.
In exchange for a sure success in life, you betrayed Mingyu and Jungkook.
"I've made up my mind." You said with finality. The situation had already come to this. There was no point in sugarcoating things.
Jungkook didn't say anything, the silence burrowing into your heart and growing into two different emotions:
Yours was grief, and all Jungkook felt was bitterness. That day, you parted ways and never spoke to each other again. Sure, there were times you two were forced to be in the same roomâlike the day of Sora's wedding and when she gave birth to Hanni.
But even then, you barely looked at each other's directions. Somehow, you always felt like Jungkook was lying when he told you recently that he never hated youâthat all there was to feel was annoyance at your devilish face.
It was untrue. After all, not even yourself was on your side. Jungkook might say he didn't hate you, but you sure did.
Wasn't it funny? You had achieved your dreams, but there were still some nights you thought you could go back in time. Maybe then, Mingyu and his family wouldn't have to be sent to the most rural part of Japan.
Mingyu wasn't sent to prison, but his life had been caged while his wings were cut off. Meanwhile, Mingyu's seatmate, who had ruined his life, was freeâhe went by the name Rico Braun.
***
The lunch with the social workers went well. You didn't want to be complacent, but you saw Frieda encircling 5 on her rating sheet. This number represented the highest point to rate you and Jungkook.
"Shall we open a bottle of wine for this success? It's still early to pick up Hanni. What do you think?" You asked Jungkook as you picked up the dirty plates and brought them to the sink.
Cleaning up after playing host was one of the things you hated doing. It didn't help that Jungkook was giving you the cold shoulderâor at least this was what you thought.
Jungkook hadn't spoken to you since Frieda and Kiyomi left half an hour ago. Jungkook had his lips puckered, and his brows creased together. You were familiar with this reaction well.
Either he was pensive or pissed. Knowing him, it was most likely the latter. After all, you could only take a few days of not fighting. Anything more than a week would be a goddamn miracle.
"Or we can just finish our chores in silence." You raised your shoulders slightly, taking a peek at Jungkook, who was still eerily quiet.
You heaved a sigh. Fine. You wouldn't push it.
'Or maybe you should.' The little voice inside your head made a comeback, so it was only natural to listen to the voice.
You didn't attack Jungkook at once, though. Firstly, you stood beside him and 'helped' him wash the dishes. You were the one lathering soap on the plates while he washed them with clean water.
It started subtlyâyou whisked soap suds in his direction until they hit his forearms.
Jungkook did not mind it and just continued washing the dishes.
You rolled your eyes before doing it again. This time, you whisked soap suds into his forearm with more force.
Jungkook did not react, prompting you to whisk more until his arm was covered with soap suds.
You were about to do it again, but Jungkook had seized your treacherous wrist.
"What?" You titled your head up and stared at him innocently. Jungkook peered down at you and opened his mouth. For a moment, he seemed like he was going to berate you, but he stopped when he saw your lips curving into a teasing smile.
Jungkook felt like he lost his mind a little whenever he looked at your annoying face. How could this be? How could he be stressing over something related to you while you looked like you had no clue you were fucking him up?
It was not fair.
Jungkook pulled you closer to him, letting you have a whiff of his expensive cologne: sandalwood. Jungkook did not know it, but you were not doing better than him. Your weakness was men who smelled good, alright? You were just a girl, after all. You were attracted to things that screamed masculinity, and sandalwood was one of them. The musky and earthy aroma made you feel warm and fuzzy inside.
As if that wasn't enough, your heart also skipped a beat when he licked his lips and pushed you slightly on the kitchen countertop, effectively caging you in his arms.Â
Jungkook suddenly leaned closer and whispered to your ears.
"Why'd you keep them?" His voice dropped an octave.
"Keep what?"
It was a miracle that you could still look at him in the eyes and act all oblivious. It made Jungkook want to pull his hair out.
"You know what I'm talking about." He insisted. However, you were more stubborn than he was.
"I don't. Last time I checked, I'm a defense lawyer, not a mind reader."
No one said Jungkook had a good temper. He closed his eyes tightly, seemingly fighting the urge to snap at youâhe did not. He just breathed out slowly and asked you the question as patiently as he could.
"Fine. Play dumb, but I won't accept a half-ass answer." He narrowed his eyes at you, "Why did you keep all our photos together?"
The photos were at least twenty years' worth of your life together. You were thirty-two now. Sometimes, it still fascinated you to remember that you had known Jungkook all your life.
"Don't speak nonsense about you being sentimental. We both know that's not the case because you can let go of everyone without thinking too much about it."
You scoffed at that. Hah. You knew it. Jungkook did hate you for leavingâhe hated how you could throw away your bond with the people here in Busan just to make a name for yourself. Until now, Jungkook had some reservations about you. He racked his brain of why you would be keeping those photos.
It might mean nothing to youâthat this was just one of your schemes to trick those social workers. But could you have found all those pictures in a few days? Not to mention that some were really old.
So why? Why did you keep themâeven the ugly and blurred ones.
Jungkook was desperate for an answer, and he didn't know why. Sadly, you did not relent and even went as far as throwing back a question at him.
"What about you? Why did you fill this place with flowers? Daisies, on top of that."
It shouldn't mean anything. Heck. The question you asked was a shot in the dark. The better part of you knew it was simply a coincidence, but sometimes, your self-preservation didn't seem to work. You put meanings to things that didn't hold value for others.
"I asked you a question first." Jungkook dodged the bullet. He could be stubborn, too.
"Well, I'm not answering your question until you answer me."
"Ditto."
You glared at each other. Silence permeated the room. A few seconds later, you and Jungkook both turned away from each other as if accepting defeat without bruising your egos.
'Fine. I won't say anything.' He muttered to himself.
'Over my dead body.' You thought silently.
And with that, no questions were answered, but fear and hope entangled your and Jungkook's hearts.
***
Sora and Niccolo's case finally progressed to the highest court a month later. Justice could be achieved promptly when you know prominent people in the field.
Captain Yoongi and Chief Kim did everything they could to help you and Ji-eun win the case. Thanks to the prosecutor's ability, the jury's hearts were won.
Ji-eun managed to rebuke the faulty break allegations, arguing that even though the break was tampered with, the defendants were still guilty of negligence. Ji-eun's exact words before the judge went like this:
"Defendant Falco Grice, do you know how many seconds there are in a minute?"
"Yes. There are sixty seconds." Falco supplied.
"Then, how many hours do you spend studying every day?"
The question made Falco's eyes light up. Right! He liked answering questions regarding his studies because, according to Attorney Leonhart, his dedication to academic activities would prove how stressed he was in school, which resulted in him and Gabi trying throttle therapy.
The defendants couldn't retract their statements anymore as they had already been recorded by the traffic police and Captain Yoongi. Annie had no choice but to just turn things around.
If she couldn't minimize her clients' charges, she'd just shift the attention to hating the school and making them liable for giving unrealistic workloads to their students. This would surely earn the sympathy of students and parents.
Unfortunately, you and Ji-eun had read through this tactic, so you readied yourselves for a comeback.
"I studied a maximum of 18 hours a day, Mam Prosecutor, including eight schooling hours."
"So that means you spend 10 hours studying alone and taking special classes?"
"Yes, Mam." Falco did not know where Ji-eun was going with her questions, yet he answered them as truthfully as possible. He thought being sincere could help him win the people's hearts in court.
"You know what I find ironic?" Ji-eun quirked her brow. Disbelief was written all over her face as if this ordeal was absurd. "You study 18 hours a day because you are afraid to fail your classes, but are you telling me you can't spend a minute or two checking the condition of your car? If you're so scared of hJiming someone, then why did you use your car without checking it first? You claim to love studying, but how about studying your lessons during your driving schooling days? Did you forget everything just because you have your license now?"
"T-That's not it..." Falco trembled. Tears immediately welled up in his eyes. He looked at Annie, so the lawyer tried to object to Ji-eun's statement.
"Objection, Your Honor! Argumentative." Annie gritted her teeth. "Why are you badgering my client, Prosecutor Lee? Are you telling everyone in this honorable court that studying is not important? Why are you shaming my client for studying hard? Students are the future of our country! If there's something rotten here, isn't it the education system that gives unrealistic syllabus to students?"
"Objection, Your Honor!" Ji-eun fought back. The judge gave her the signal to speak. "Why are you holding other people accountable for your client's negligence? Shouldn't we also blame those driving schools if we follow your logic? The police officers? The honorable court and judges? This is not the first time someone has been charged with negligence. It happened before and is happening now. Are you telling me we should hold the people in public service accountable since the cycle keeps repeating?"
The people inside the court were scandalized by what Ji-eun said. You smirked as you watched things unfold. Things were going according to how you and Ji-eun pictured it.
The judge overruled Annie's objection. Attorney Leonhart couldn't lower the charges to manslaughter either. The court hearing was coming to an end, but before the closing remarks of both lawyers, the judge first allowed some people to take the stand.
You were one of those people with the privilege to say a few things, mainly addressed to the judge and the jury. You and Ji-eun talked about this. At first, it was to gain more sympathy, but as you take the stand, with Hanni sleeping soundly in your arms, you suddenly become vulnerable. You felt like you were back to being your teenage selfâno sense of accomplishment and powerless to defend your loved ones.
You could only offer your heart.
"I stand here today not as a lawyer nor someone who will put justice in her own hands. Rather, I stand here as a friend and as a-a..." You trailed off when you heard your voice cracking.
Perhaps Ji-eun was right. You should have prepared a written speech for this moment. However, scheming was already part of your soul. You feared you'd end up writing a speech with malicious intent. You did not want thatânot for Sora. Everything you would say today would come from the bottom of your heart.
"A guardian of a three-year-old child." You swallowed the lump in your throat while looking at Hanni with gentle eyes. You focused on the baby and nuzzled her nose with your pointer finger. Hanni cooed and smiled in her sleep. The jury watched silently, feeling their heartstrings being pulled.
"An average person in Japan lives until the ripe age of eighty, but my best friend Sora Kang and her husband were unfortunately robbed forty-eight years of their lives." Your lungs hurt. They felt like they were burning. You hated this. "Defendant Falco Grice and Gabi Braun stole those forty-eight years where Sora and Niccolo could have spent caring for their daughterâthe same girl I have in my arms right now."
Hanni looked more obedient when asleep. No one could resist purring seeing her chubby cheeks and pouty lips. What more if they saw her ocean-blue eyes? You told Ji-eun you would not bring Hanni to the stand while awake. You refused to let her hear about the unfortunate things her parents went through.
"Sora and Niccolo won't see their daughter attend her first prom. They won't see her grow into a loving woman who's so innocent that she wants to save all the rabbits in this world." You looked at Gabi and Falco. "And why is that? The answer is in front of you. Falco Grice and Gabi Braun, claiming to be stressed because of school, aimed to relax through that thing they called throttle therapy, but because of that, two lives were lost. Their throttle therapy made them feel the cool air hit their faces, but what about Sora and Niccolo? Air was robbed of their lungs!" Your anger was palpable.Â
The jury's heart throbbed in pain.
"Falco and Gabi felt their hearts beat fast because of the excitement and adrenaline of overspeeding their car, but what about Sora and Niccolo? Their hearts were not beating fastâit's not beating at all."Â
Sometimes, you lay in tears in bed at night, wondering if your best friend and her husband died immediatelyâat least then, they wouldn't feel the agonizing thought of leaving their small child while feeling every bone in their body ache.
Your speech continued for a few more minutes before you ended with, "Attorney Leonhart said it herself: the youth is the hope of this country, so honorable jury, and judge, I implore you to think about your decisions carefully. A three-year-old in my arms could grow up with hope or a bad image of the world where injustice is fostered. In the end, the choice is yours."
Silence enveloped the courtroom. You went back beside Jungkook, who wrapped his arms around your shoulder and pulled you closer to him. Hanni was passed to Taehyung for a while. The poor boy needed someone to hold, too.
A while later, the decision was made. You, Jungkook, and the others listened in anticipation as the jury's foreperson announced the verdict.
Both Falco and Gabbi were found guilty of reckless imprudence, resulting in multiple homicides. As the driver, Falco got seven years in prison and was ordered to pay ten million won. Meanwhile, Gabi needed to serve two years in prison for influencing Falco and was ordered to pay five million won. Both their cases were nonbailable.
"So ordered!" Your squared shoulders slumped when you heard this, followed by the absolute sound of the gavel. Jungkook visibly relaxed beside you, too. He squeezed your shoulder once before rubbing it and kissing your temple.
It was a surreal moment. The warmth of his lips made your body soft. You leaned to him and buried your face to his chest. Jungkook caressed your hair, not minding at all that his suit was stained by your tears.
They were happy tears. Finally, justice was served.
***
The end of the month not only concluded Sora's case but also marked the end of Jungkook's suspension at work.
It was a relief, really. Jungkook staying at home might be helpful since you didn't have to hire a babysitter anymore, but goddamn, did it not make your life easier. In fact, it made you feel like you were living in hell.
Hell was said to be hot, which you felt precisely every morning. One thing you learned about Jungkook was that he couldn't go on his day without working out. Jungkook recently found the convenience of exercising at home, which turned out to be the start of your life in hell.
Every morning, he'd go to the house's garden to do some pull-ups, planks, squats, and other workout moves. There didn't seem to be any problem with this, right?
Wrong.
Jungkook's workout routine distracted you from working. Unfortunately, your temporary office was at the Kang' residence, too. You made the mistake of putting your table near the floor-length window where you'd have a clear view of the garden. Your intention in doing so was to calm your tense mind by looking at the greeneries. But instead, what you saw was Jungkook grunting; his lips puckered as sweat rolled down his body.
You willed yourself to ignore him, but your clients did not make doing so easy. Admittedly, most of your clients would space out during the consultation as they were busy salivating over Jungkook working out. Sometimes, you'd be forced to draw on the curtains, but this was proven inefficient since your office would be so dark that you couldn't read the files on your table.
Thankfully, the worst had come to an end. Jungkook's going back to work. Conversely, you did not open your office today, saving you the mouth-drying experience of seeing Jungkook exercise.
However, fate refused to be on your side while the heavens liked seeing your knees turn into jellies. You didn't see Jungkook during his workout session, but you saw him post-workout.
You had just woken up and were feeling a bit thirsty, so you went to the kitchen without regard to your appearance. Your hair was a mess, and gunk stuck in your eyes, causing you to rub it off.
You yawned while waiting for your water to boil. Unexpectedly, Jungkook emerged in front of you.
"Mornin." He flashed a lazy smile at you. His slightly out-of-breath tone from working out all morning snapped you out of your sleep-like trance.
"Damn it." You were almost burnt by the water. Jungkook's eyes widened, immediately pulling your hand away from the kettle.
"What's up, sleepyhead?" Jungkook teased before blowing hot air on your slightly red hands. "Water's overflowing. Did you forget how to use a kettle, hm?"
You had filled the kettle with water beyond the maximum point. Not to mention that you had also switched on the fire to the highest temperature.
You couldn't argue with Jungkook. This was indeed your fault. You were careless.
"Sorry," you tried to make your voice as flat as possible while subtly wriggling out of his grasp. Jungkook noticed your avoidance, so he let you go at once.
Right. He was all sweaty. Of course, you'd be disgusted by his touch. However, this was far from the truth. You were simply caught off guard by his presence and how he looked.
Jungkook was wearing a black compression shirt and baggy grey training pants. His usual silver wristwatch was replaced by a smartwatch.
He looked...hot. You couldn't deny this, and for some reason, your temples throbbed, giving you an illusion that someone's soft lips were caressing it.
Fuck.
You should definitely check your period tracker. You were probably ovulating a little earlier this month.
You weren't the only one having dilemmas with your body. Jungkook watched as you clumsily poured yourself water and drank it. You looked disoriented, and that shouldn't be a good sign. But oddly enough, Jungkook liked seeing you like thisâyour guard was not up, and you were uncaring about how you looked.
You're just being you.
Jungkook was unaware that his smartwatch had detected his heartbeat. It flashed red warning lights, indicating that his heartbeat was abnormally fast.
Jungkook cleared his throat. You looked at him.
"I'm going back to work today. Thanks for making breakfast for me these few weeks, but you don't have to anymore. Captain Yoongi always brings us food."
Jungkook was seriously grateful for your efforts. Besides, your food was very savory. Jungkook just didn't want to burden you further. You barely had time for yourself since you were busy attending to Hanni and your work.
Frankly, Jungkook did not expect you to be this caring. He guessed he had this notion of you pouring your efforts just for money and power. He was not proud of this, alright?
"Oh," you blinked, "But I've already prepared your breakfast last night." You made some veggie-packed breakfast sandwiches and overnight oats. Actually, you asked Jungkook's mother for some breakfast recipes. She gladly talked to you over the phone but said she'd love to see you in person, too. The Jeon residence had a huge garden where you could pick up fruits and vegetables. That would be fun.
"I'm not going to cook tonight, though. Taehyung invited us to dinner." Your friend made a reservation in a fancy restaurant to mark the win of Sora and Niccolo's case. Taehyung wanted to thank everyone, especially you and Ji-eun, for pushing through.
"Oh, right. It's tonight." Jungkook asked how the three of you would go to the restaurant. You told him you had business near the police station later, so you could drop by there. Afterward, you and Jungkook could pick up Hanni from the daycare before driving to the restaurant.
Jungkook agreed with your plan. After that, your day had been pretty much the same. Thankfully, your client for today was easy to talk to and just agreed to whatever you suggested. He said you were the expert, not him. As a result, your meeting with the client ended thirty minutes earlier. You thought it was a waste to drive back home, so you just went to the police station to hang out.
Everyone was having a feast. Apparently, a good citizen brought food for the police officers as a 'thank you' for saving her life. It was a woman in her early thirties. You heard people calling her Pieck. She had a soft smile on her lips as she urged the officers to eat.
Jungkook saw you the moment you stepped foot inside the station. Unfortunately, he couldn't attend to you as he was the star of this joyous event. You simply waved at him and mouthed, "I can wait."
Jungkook smiled and nodded before turning his attention to Pieck and his comrades.
You watched them for a while, feeling your chest wJiming at the thought of people praising Jungkook. He deserved it. You hadn't met anyone aside from Jongsuk Lee, who was as passionate about freeing people from the hands of criminals.
Your soft heart even turned softer when an older woman stood beside you and told you to eat some food. She introduced herself as the mother of Pieck Finger.Â
"Lieutenant Jeon is indeed a hero," You couldn't say no when Mrs. Finger shoved desserts in your hands. You ate them. "You know him, don't you? He saved my Pieck from a group of drunkards trying to assault her."
The incident happened just a few days before Sora's accident. Pieck didn't have the opportunity to express her gratitude to Jungkook because the first time they went to visit the police station, Pieck's parents overwhelmed Jungkook with the intention of marrying off their daughter to him.
Pieck's parents wanted Jungkook to be their son-in-law, someone who wasn't armed but wouldn't hesitate to fight a group of evil men. Mrs. Finger told you that Jungkook was in a bar that night. He was off-duty, so he didn't bother bringing his gun. Jungkook just used beer bottles to smash the heads of the pricks who dared lay a hand on Pieck.
Sadly, Pieck didn't get away unscathed. The men had broken her leg even before Jungkook came to save her. Actually, Pieck was wearing a leg cast until now. She still had a week to go before completely removing it.
Pieck had a hard time standing and walking. Jungkook wasn't heartless to watch her struggle, so he held her shoulders and guided her while handing food to the officers.
You and Mrs. Finger watched them. The latter snuck a glance at you, her lips curving into a smirk.
"Don't you think Lieutenant Jeon and my daughter look good together?"
Oh?Â
You didn't switch your gaze at the old woman and instead remained watching Jungkook and Pieck. You tried to picture them together, but you just couldn't do so.
"I don't think so," you replied to Mrs. Finger truthfully. She scoffed and furrowed her brows. She looked like she aged 10 more years after hearing your blatant disrespect.
You shrugged off your shoulders and casually showed her your right hand adorned with an engagement ring. "I think Lieutenant Jeon and I look better together."
If you thought Mrs. Finger would backtrack her statement just because you and Jungkook were 'engaged,' then you were wrong.
She eyed you from head to toe before looking at her precious daughter. You were nothingcompared to Pieck.
"My daughter is a teacher." Mrs. Finger crossed her arms, "She knows how to take care of a small child, so it won't be hard for her to be the perfect wife for Lieutenant Jeon. Unlike you..." She looked at the way you dressed. Too classy. You seemed high-maintenance. It would be a waste if Jungkook used his salary coming from the people's taxes to support you.
"You're still a woman, so I think you won't have a hard time looking for a husband, but you and Lieutenant Jeon don't match. Just Look at him..." Mrs. Finger urged you to look at Jungkook and Pieck. "Look at the way he treats my daughter. He thinks she's a delicate flower."
Her description made you cackle. You couldn't help it. This old woman was both funny and pathetic.
"Genuine question: do you think Jungkook 'perfectly' matches your daughter just because he treats her like a human being?"
Your concerned face didn't look fake. But instead of finding it endearing, Mrs. Finger thought you were mocking her.
"And what do you mean by that?" Mrs. Finger got all defensive.
You heaved a sigh, "I just think it's sad that you are forcing an already committed man to your gorgeous daughter." You were telling the truth. Pieck was a catch. "And you're doing all this just because he treats her kindly. It makes me wonder what kind of men you and your daughter surround yourselves withâseeing that you become all desperate for the bare minimum."
"Youâ!!" Mrs. Finger was speechless. Her face was red because of humiliation.
You were not trying to embarrass her, though. You pitied her. Admittedly, if what you and Jungkook had was real, you didn't think you'd be jealous of how he treated Pieck. You were actually going to question his behavior if he wasn't treating her like this.
You didn't want to date a man who was only good to you.
"You said your daughter is a teacher, right? I hope she doesn't teach kids that something normal must be rewarded with God-like treatment. Because if that's the case, your standards in people, especially men, are on the floor."
Mrs. Finger was about to say something, but she saw Jungkook jogging in your direction.
"Hey," Jungkook greeted you, a sweet smile was plastered on his lips. "Sorry to keep you waiting. Are you ready to go?"
"Mn. Mrs. Finger and I were just idly chatting,"Â
Jungkook was so focused on you that he didn't notice the old woman beside you. He bowed at her, thanking her for helping Pieck cook the food for today.
"But you barely ate, Lieutenant." Mrs. Finger subtly complained. Her brows were knitted together. She hadn't calmed down from her rage yet. She wished she could pull your hair for being too arrogant.
Jungkook introduced you and Mrs. Finger more formally this time. The old man was forced to shake your hands before bidding you goodbye.
"We have to go. We'll see you later, Mrs. Finger." Jungkook's hand snaked above your waist but below your breast. This hold was way more intimate than handholding or grabbing someone's shoulder to help them walk.
Mrs. Finger gritted her teeth and glared, resenting you for naturally getting this treatment from Jungkook.
You just smirked at her and walked away.
"By the way, shithead," you called Jungkook when you two were out of the station.
"What?" Jungkook was carried away from pretending. He'd been bragging about you to his comrades and Pieck all afternoon.
"I didn't make your bento for lunch. I just bought it." You did not have time to cook it yourself.
Jungkook stopped walking. You thought he'd mock you, but he shrugged nonchalantly and said, "Doesn't matter. You still thought of me when you bought it."
Now, it was your turn to be stunned. You furrowed your brow at Jungkook, wanting to ask what he meant, but were afraid of hearing the answer.
Like usual, you let it go, refusing to hear it from him.
There was another chance for the truthâjust not today.
***
Dinner with Taehyung and the others went well. You continued pretending to have a romantic relationship with Jungkook in front of them. Admittedly, telling them and acting weren't that difficult. You still remember how they reacted when you told them about you and Jungkook a month ago.
The conversation with Yoongi and Namjoon went like this:
"Chief, Captain, I am getting married with her." Jungkook intertwined your fingers together. You'd like to think you were a good actress, so you did not understand why the news did not shock the two men.Â
Namjoon merely raised his brow and said, "Is this your way of asking us to sponsor your wedding?" The chief thought it would be possible. Jungkook was one of his own. He and Yoongi started saving money for their boys when Jongsuk got married.
"No, no. I mean..." Jungkook scratched the back of his head. His plan didn't go as far as asking his bosses to sponsor his fake wedding. "I just wanna tell you that I'm engaged. You know, just in case someone asks you. We've been together for a while now."
"We know." Namjoon was confused. He looked at Yoongi, who was busy drinking tea. The captain didn't look bothered. "Yoongi, didnât you tell me before that these two are dating?"
"Huh?" You and Jungkook were perplexed. Did Yoongi come from an alternate universe? Or did he hit his head? Because there was no way either you or Jungkook told Yoongi you were dating.
"Aren't you brats dating since you were 10 years old? The other kids complained about you two flirting during missions." Yoongi said in a flat tone.
You and Jungkook looked at each other. With tacit understanding, you decided not to refute the captain's belief. After all, the sole purpose of this conversation was to make them believe you and Jungkook had a thing. Oh well.
The second person you and Jungkook talked to was Ji-eun. Unlike Yoongi and Namjoon, prosecutor Lee was not easy to fool.
"You're pretending to be dating to get Hanni under your custody, right?" Not just that. She even exposed your lies. As expected of a great lawyer.
You looked at Ji-eun proudly, "So...? Can we trust you to keep this to yourself?"
"Of course." Ji-eun did not hesitate. "You have the attorney-client privilege."
With that, your conversation with Ji-eun ended. You also asked her to relay the news to Jongsuk and Jimin to save time. You and Jungkook were conserving your energy because you thought explaining your situation to Taehyung would be difficult.
Taehyung, your dumbass of a friend.
To your surprise, you didn't have to waste your brain cells trying to make sense of the setup you had with Jungkook. All Taehyung needed to hear was the word marry and he was already pulling you and Jungkook to Sora's grave.
You asked Taehyung why.
"Are you kidding? I owe Sora 3,000 won now. We've made a bet before. She told me you and Jungkook would be engaged in your early thirties. I guess it's my fault for thinking you're gonna drag it until you're in your forties. But you can't blame a guy, can you? You're both stubborn."
With the lies perfectly set, pretending came easy. No one batted an eye with how 'lovey-dovey' you and Jungkook were. The dinner was fun, though the children made it a little chaotic. You did not mind since you were learning to live in the presence of screaming children. Honestly, you admired Ji-eun for keeping a straight face while her kids go crazy. She was pretty chill. Jongsuk was the one tasked to calm the kids.
Speaking of kids, you were worried after talking to Hanni's teacher. She said the daycare had arranged a family trip for their students. You and Jungkook had to accompany Hanni to this event. From what you heard, the parents and their kids needed matching costumes. There would be games that would teach the little ones the importance of family values.
Fortunately, the event fell on the weekend, so you and Jungkook did not have to worry about work. These past weeks, you were learning to take things slow and enjoy life's little moments. You had to remind yourself that you were not running out of time. You did not have to constantly take on many cases to prove to everyone that you were a good lawyer.
"Don't stress yourself too much with our costume, okay? I already have it figured out." Jungkook assured you one evening. The trip was tomorrow. How could you not overthink? You still hadn't seen the costume in person.
"Would you just tell me what you bought for us? I don't trust you."
"Why not?" Jungkook was sulking. "I've thought about it carefully."
"You don't know my size, dumbass." You were going to kill him if he bought something inappropriate or too small for you.
Jungkook's lips curved up. He looked at you from head to toe and said, "Nah. I got it right."
Your knee-jerk reaction was to cover your chest. Jungkook scoffed and told you he was not a pervert.
You didn't care about what he said, especially when the day of the trip finally came. Hanni's teacher came bearing bad news. You thought you had lost your mind when she told you that you, Jungkook, and Hanni were staying in the same room and bed.
This setup was supposed to make the children feel closer to their parents. After all, not everyone had the luxury of spending time with their kidsâdaycare was even established because the parents were too busy to look after their children.
Hanni was delighted to be spending the night with you and Jungkook. Unfortunately, she recognized the deep frown on your face. She knew you were not happy about this.
"Terni, don't you want to sleep with me and Jungkook-boy?" Hanni's mood plummeted, making your heart drop. You didn't want to hurt her feelings.
"Of course not, sweetheart. Itâs just that..." You tongued the inside of your cheek, not knowing what to say. "Jungkook-boy and I can't sleep in the same bed."
"Why not?" Hanni folded her little arms across her chest. You did not speak, so she turned to Jungkook. Sadly, Jungkook wasn't sure what to say either. He was as surprised as you were. He just scratched the back of his neckâthis was one of his bad habits every time he was lost.
You sighed, knowing you had to explain things yourself.
"Because Jungkook-boy and I aren't like your mummy and daddy."
"You're not!?" Hanni was shocked. She wrinkled her forehead. "But you said you'll take care of me for a hundred years! Isn't that the job of a mummy and daddy?"
You were running out of excuses. Besides, you couldn't tell Hanni the whole thing. Frieda and Kiyomi were not yet done with their deliberations. You couldn't expose yourselves early on.
"I'll just sleep on the floor," Jungkook said sheepishly. Frankly speaking, he was embarrassed. He was the one who attended the meeting regarding this trip. Jungkook knew you two would stay in the same room, but in his defense, he thought there were two separate beds. Jungkook would disagree if he had known there was only one bed. He would not take advantage of you like that. He wouldn't do anything that would make you feel uncomfortable, either.
"Or I'll just book another room. Don't worry about it." Jungkook stood up and gathered his things. He was halfway through the door when you stopped him.
"You can stay," you swallowed thickly. Jungkook's eyes lit up, but he still did not know what to say. "No need to book another room. The teacher and the other parents might get the wrong idea. We can't show them we're not happy we're staying together."
"Then I'll just sleep on the floor." Jungkook offered genuinely. He wasn't trying to sound like a sad boy, yet that was the vibe Hanni got from him.
Hanni's little shoulders sagged, "But Jungkook-boy, the floor will hurt your back!" For a three-year-old, Hanni sure knew a lot. You guessed this happened when your mom was Sora Kangâthe girl who loved potatoes so much but was willing to break them in half and give them to a random stranger with a growling stomach.
"We can sleep in the same bed, alright?" You rolled your eyes to hide your nervousness, "This sounds awful, but Hanni will 'sort of' be our divider. She sleeps in the middle. I will kick your ass if you snore."
Jungkook nodded his head obediently. He was happy he wouldn't have to deal with a stiff neck and a sore back.
"And shower first! I don't like stinky men in my bed!"
Jungkook and Hanni followed your instructions before getting into bed. Both of them realized how much of a clean freak you were. However, you still find sleeping hard despite adhering to all pre-sleeping routines.
You glanced at the wall clock. It was past one in the morning already. Jungkook and Hanni were sound asleep beside you.
You don't usually find it difficult to sleep in a new place. In fact, you were used to it since your job required you to meet your clients all over Japan. The hotel room the daycare had booked for tonight was pretty decent, too.
The air conditioner worked well, and the duvet was clean and soft.
Damn it. You slightly tossed and turned, desperately looking for the perfect sleeping position. In the end, nothing worked.
It was quarter to three in the morning. You released a defeated sigh, resigning to insomnia, and were just about to play with your phone when Jungkook suddenly spoke.
"Can't sleep?"
Goosebumps pricked at your skin because of how raspy his voice was. You turned to face him, about to apologize because you thought you'd accidentally woken him up by tossing and turning. However, you were shocked when he handed you the only pillow he was using.
"What's this?" You asked dumbly.
Jungkook rolled his eyes lazily. "Oh, come on. You know it's a pillow. Just accept it, alright? We both know you can't fall asleep with just one pillow."
Oh.
He remembered that?
Jungkook seemed to have read your mind. He breathed out and pillowed his arm. His gaze was on the white ceiling as if reminiscing.
"I can't forget even if I want to. All my memories of our camping days with Captain Yoongi are just you complaining that you can't sleep."
So that was it. Captain Yoongi used to arrange many camping trips before. He did not separate the sleeping quarters of girls and boys. He always said, "Accidents and disasters can happen anytime. You can't choose who you're with when that happens, so learn to suck it up and deal with the situation with both your friends and enemies."
What Captain Yoongi said made sense. Jungkook learned how to be more patient as he spent the camping days calming himself despite your whiny ass.
"Hey, he made us sleep with a single pillow, okay? My neck hurts." You accepted Jungkook's pillow and tried to lower your voice so as not to wake Hanni. The kid knew how to throw a fit when disturbed. "Thanks."
Jungkook hummed and closed his eyes. You looked at his sleeping figure, feeling your heart flutter. Jungkook had long lashes. From your angle, you could also see his Adam's apple bobbing and his broad chest heaving. You suddenly wondered what laying your head against his chest would be like. Was it warm? Did his heart beat slowly? Or fast? Would it calm you down? Would its sound finally make you doze off?
There were so many questions swimming in your head. Unfortunately, you still couldn't sleep despite exhausting your mind. You tried clamping your eyes tighter, but it was useless.
You didn't remember drinking coffee earlier. What about milk? Should you try downing a glass of milk to help you sleep? Perhaps counting sheep would help. Or maybe you were just craving physical touch.
Right.
Your eyelashes fluttered when you suddenly felt Jungkook wrapping his hand around your thumb. He started stroking your fingers.
Your breath caught in your throatâ
"Sleep." He whispered gently, "You are safe here."
âAnd then your breathing evened as he continued caressing your finger. His actions and words seemed to be the potion your mind was looking for because you really did fall asleep a few minutes later.
The following day, you were awakened by the alarm and a little monkey climbing your leg.
"Terni, wake up!" The monkey was shaking your leg and hips. "Please! Please wake up! It's family day today!"
"No. I wanna sleep!" You cried begrudgingly. Why must a little monkey and an annoying alarm disturb your sleep?
Have they no conscience? This was your first time sleeping peacefully, so you tried kicking the monkey at your feet and hugged your pillow tighter.
This pillow was pretty good. It was warm and sturdy. It even smelled like fresh air and a bit loamy.
Good. You thought you could stay in this position forever as you rubbed your cheek in the pillow.
"I'm starting to think you're not actually sleeping and are just taking advantage of me." The pillow talked, forcing you to stop pinching the pillow and open your eyes.
The world seemed to stop when you were met with Jungkook's lukewarm gaze.
"Is your pillow soft and warm, Empress?" Jungkook quirked a brow, his lips curving into a teasing smile.
You gasped. All this time, you were pinching and caressing Jungkook's biceps, not a pillow! Your head was comfortably leaning on his chest, too.
Scandalous! This was all too scandalous! How dare you wrap your legs around his hipbone. And Hanni! Hanni was still latching on your leg while playing with the hem of your nightdress.Â
To make things worse, Jungkook chuckled lowly in your red ear and said, "Who's the pervert now?"
No!!!!!! This was your last straw. You pulled Hanni away from your leg and immediately got up from the bed to sprint and lock yourself in the bathroom.
Damn it. This day was not how your morning should've started!
***
You did not have a crush on Jungkookâ this was what you kept telling yourself while stuck in the bathroom.Â
It did not matter that all you could think about was him as you bathed. Or how you couldn't stop seeing the image of him standing behind you to gather your hair in one place so you could brush your teeth better.
You ignored the fluttering of your heart as you thought about how good he had been to you the past weeks, of how attentive he was to your needs. You thought it wasn't a big deal how he gave you the only pillow he had for the night, or how he held you in the police station, or how he decorated the house with daisies every dayâyes. Jungkook's madness with flowers never stopped ever since Kiyomi and Frieda's visit. He also habitually checked the mailbox first thing in the morning. You pretended not to understand why, but you knew he was checking if baby breaths were on the doorstep.
There were also times when you went home late because of work. Jungkook would then stand outside the Kang' residence, pretending to enjoy the night stars, but he was just waiting for you to come home.
You brushed off how much you appreciated his jokes, how he distracted you from the pain of losing your best friend, and how he took care of Hanni when he saw you were overwhelmed with everything. Nothing mattered to you because you were not in loveâyou didn't have a crush on Jungkook.
'Keep telling yourself that,' The voice inside your head betrayed you, yet you stood your ground and ignored the seed of feelings that had long since bloomed into colorful flora.
You were annoyed during the family trip. Not only were you being pestered by your damn feelings, but you were also tormented by how ridiculous you looked.
"Terni, come on. We're late!" Hanni banged her little fists on the hotel room's door. She and Jungkook had been waiting for you to come out for quite some time now.
"Go on without me! I'm not going out there!" You hissed, itching to remove your pink gloves.
"Oh, come on." You heard Jungkook's voice. He also banged the door. "The ceremony is about to start. Let's just go, please?"
You did not open the door as an acquiesce to Jungkook's soft plea. You only showed yourself to them so you could hit Jungkook in the face.
"This is your fault!"
Jungkook let you hit him. He simply chuckled at how cute you looked.
"What are you sulking for? It's not so bad!" Jungkook playfully pulled at your fake whiskers.
You hit him again. "What do you mean it's not so bad! I look stupid!"
Jungkook really exceeded your worst expectations. Who would have thought he'd buy matching rabbit costumes for the three of you? You swore to kill him if he bought something inappropriate, but honestly, you felt a slutty rabbit costume would be better than the rabbit onesie he chose. To make it worse, Jungkook purchased the pink one for you. He had the blue one, while Hanni wore a pastel purpleâit was obviously the result of combining the colors pink and blue.
Now, the three of you looked like a happy family. It would have been fine if Jungkook chose a royal or superhero costume. But a rabbit? Seriously?
âThose are overrated,â Jungkook told you this when you complained about not having a Wonder Woman costume. Truthfully, you had seen two families near your hotel room wearing DC superhero costumes.
âLetâs take a picture together. Iâll send it to Kiyomi and Frieda.â Jungkook carried Hanni into his arms and pulled you closer to him. He brought out a camera and took a photo of the three of you.
You couldnât complain after that since the two dragged you out to participate in todayâs activities. Soon enough, your embarrassment did not matter as your competitive side resurfaced to shit on everyone.
It started off fun. Some parents and kids praised you and Jungkook for taking the games seriously. But things started going downhill during the segment called Family Trivia. Your family was leading by ten points, which didnât hinder you from scoring more.
Old habits indeed died hard. You felt like you were in school again, feeling the thrill of answering rounds of questions. You lost your mind whenever another team answered the question first.
âThe word family is derived from the word famulus!â
Hanniâs teacher was about to give the other family a point for scoring, but you pressed the buzzer to complain. The teacher looked at you in defeat, wanting to ignore you but couldnât.
âHer answer is incomplete!â You argued. You were quite embarrassing, really. You reviewed the questions and games the teacher gave each family more than thrice. This was where you focused your energy; that was why you couldnât check the trip itinerary and didnât see you and Jungkook were sharing one bed.
âThe word famulus is Latin. It means servant. Say, teacher, give us the point, not to them!â
The teacher looked apologetically at the family that was robbed of point. She couldnât argue with you since the rules said the answers must be complete.
The other families stared at you contemptuously, but you didnât mind since Hanni and Jungkook were cheering you on. Jungkook had also never grown out of his competitive phase. His heart swelled with pride as he raised his hand to give you a high-five.
The participants for the next game were the father and his child. Hanni would help Jungkook build a tent. It took the other families twenty minutes to set up their tents, but Jungkook and Hanni did it in less than 10 minutesâthis was kudos to Jungkookâs training at the police academy and years of practice doing it during your camping days with Captain Yoongi.
None of the families wanted to talk to you by the end of the games. They thought you ruined the fun for their children. Some kids even scoffed at Hanni, leaving your poor goddaughter crying.
Your heart ached to see Hanni sad. You couldnât help but blame yourself for taking things this far. It was your competitiveness that ruined Hanniâs reputation at the daycare. Needless to say, Jungkook rubbed yours and Hanniâs back, telling the two of you that youâd win back their hearts before the night's end.
However, you didnât seem to have a chance to do that when rain suddenly started pouring. You were currently at the top of the mountain. The hike down wasnât too far, but the ground would be slippery. It was already getting dark. The plan was to sleep in the tent the fathers and children set up earlier, but that didnât seem viable now.
âWeâd like to apologize for this unforeseen event.â Hanniâs teacher was apologetic. It was their mistake for not checking the weather forecast more clearly. âLetâs just wait for the rain to stop; then, we can all hike and sleep in the hotel instead. Donât worry. The daycare will shoulder all expenses.â
The teacherâs statement did not pacify the parents, as their children started whining and throwing a fit because of the lightning and thunder. Hanni was the only well-behaved childâkudos to Jungkook for sitting with Hanni back at home and educating her about navigating rainy days.
âItâs okay, Jungkook-boy. Iâm not scared.â Hanni assured Jungkook. Your heart recoiled with joy seeing them like this. The feelings you had been hiding since morning threatened to resurface again. This time, you were utterly defenseless and were left with no choice but to step back and let the arrow pierce your delicate heart.
 Jungkook was a good guardianâa better father than most men you knew. Any woman would be lucky to have him father her children.
You looked around. Most fathers did not know what to do when faced with their crying child. Some tried to subtly scold the little kids for acting up. The others did not bother to hide that they were pinching the kidâs arms to get them to calm down. The mothers were feeling distressed, too.
You abruptly stood up. Hanni was sitting on Jungkookâs lap. Both of them met your gaze and asked where you were going.
âIâll talk to the teacher. Just give me a minute.â You did not wait for their response and just headed in front. The teacher was having a hard time calming down the kids. You signaled that you wanted to talk, so she nodded and found a quiet place for you to converse.
Several seconds later, you stood before the parents and the students while holding a guitar. Hanniâs teacher borrowed this instrument from one of the families cosplaying as a family of performers.
âHello, everyone ~â you greeted them. Only a few spared you a glance as they were still busy pacifying their crying kids. You proceeded with your mini-speech and told them youâd be singing a song.
âKids, you need to listen to the song, alright? Donât think about the thunder. Just focus on the melody." Then you strummed the guitar strings. Along with it was the light tugging of your heartstrings. Music, particularly singing, was your passion. It was your escape whenever things started getting overwhelming.
Soon enough, the thunder was overpowered by your singing voice. Call it a miracle or just pure talent, but your melodious voice caused peace to seep through everyoneâs heart.
You were singing Youâll Be In My Heart by Phil Collins. You were both excellent singers, but something in your voice made you stand out more. Perhaps it was because of how painfully raw your voice wasâwhen you sang, you didnât just sing with your mouth. You sang with your heart.Â
You created your own version of the original song that no one could recreate, not even the most prominent voice impersonator. Your voice was like kisses and candles and warm hugs. You were like the last bit of sunlight before the raging storm. And when the storm was over, you were the rainbowâthe colorful hues that told people there was hope.Â
The children stopped crying. Jungkook was the first to stand up and clap his hands like his life depended on it. The other followed suit; whistles and laughter echoed the place.
A little while later, the rain finally stopped, and Jungkookâs claim turned out to be correct:
Youâd won the peopleâs hearts before the night ended.
***
The path going down the mountain would take ten minutes or so. It was also a straight and smooth trail, so the kids wouldn't find walking difficult. However, the adults didn't have the heart to let these three-year-old children walk. Luckily, there were mountain wagons they could ride.
Hanni was hanging out with her friends again. Your singing voice really warmed them up. They thought Hanni was pretty cool for having a guardian whose voice was as good as Elsa from Frozen and other Disney princesses.
"Does this mean you're demoted to being just a princess, Empress?" Jungkook teased you on the way back to the hotel. You two were walking beside each other.
The teacher, parents, and other officials guided all the kids in the wagon. Jungkook decided to walk at the back of the group, his police lieutenant personality kicking in. He wanted to make sure no one was left behind.
You figured you'd just accompany him as you didn't want to converse with other parents. Besides, they were busy looking after the wagons.
"Shut up, you lowly subject. This empress felt happy, so I thought, why not appease my people?" You shot back at Jungkook. He laughed at your poor attempt to talk like a royalty. It was funny, considering you were still in your rabbit costume.
Jungkook encircled his hands on your waist and pulled you near him, ensuring you didn't hit any trees. He hummed, "I haven't heard you sing in years."
Of course, he had not. Law school and your life in general fucked you up so badly. You had experienced failure after failure to the point that you questioned yourselfâstarting from the things that defined you to the things you loved and hated.
You wondered if you would ever amount to more. Failures took such a great toll on you that even the thing you loved the most didn't feel fulfilling anymore. There was a point in your life where you thought you didn't have the right to make musicâthat it should be reserved for people who were good at it and not someone like you who just loved it.
"That's cause I haven't sung in years." You admitted.
Jungkook cast his gaze on the ground. His heart was uneasy, wanting to ask you a question, but he wasn't sure if he had the right to.
"Last time I sang was when I was with you."
Your voice was barely above a whisper, yet Jungkook still heard it. He paused. Then he looked at you intently.
You weren't lying. Years ago, you were passionate about music. You even composed your own songs. Sora and Taehyung used to listen to your work all the time, but those two were easily distracted and would just tell you, "It's good." Of course, you still appreciated it.
However, you seemed to be looking for something more. You thought of Jungkook at that time. He was down and feeling edgy the past weeks. It was because his mother got into an accident and ended up needing leg surgery.
Jungkook barely ate, worrying about his mother to the point of insanity. You couldn't take it anymore, so you once went to him with a guitar.
"I'm not in the mood to fight with you," Jungkook warned. There were no biting remarks in his tone, just pure exhaustion. The fire in his eyes was extinguished, too.
You rolled your eyes and sighed.
"I'm not here to fight. I just need you to listen to me sing."
"Huh?" Jungkook flinched. He was clearly perplexed about what you said. Did you seriously want to sing in front of him? Were you sick? You never liked to sing whenever Jungkook was around. You said he ruined your mood, so what changed now?
"It's just that..." You trailed off and copied his habit of scratching the back of his neck. It was a good thing you could immediately think of an excuse, "You're my rival. Rivals talk shit a lot about each other, right? I'm joining a singing competition soon. I want you to hear it first, and then you can criticize me all you want. I need to hear them."
Jungkook was not convinced, but he let you be. After all, it was easier to listen to your angelic voice rather than fight you.
You sang your own composition. It was not a love or a heartbreak song. Jungkook sat there dazed, wondering why his heart unexpectedly felt light as you sang words of encouragementâit was as if you were telling him that the huge storm would pass, and all that would be left was a mother's loving embrace.
Jungkook felt tears filling his eyes. He blinked and wiped them before you could see.
"How was it?" You put down your guitar. A gracious smile was plastered on your lips.
It's stupid. I hate it. Don't sing again. These were the words Jungkook wanted to say because these were what you were expecting. But Jungkook was not a liar and was always vocal about his feelings. The first time he met Ji-eun, he did not hesitate to tell her she had pretty hair.
"Thank you," Jungkook ended up telling you. His voice was unbelievably soft that your heart couldn't help but melt. "It was beautiful." You were beautiful.
It sure was. Jungkook did not know what else to say, but it was okay. Later that day and the following days, Jungkook was back to his old self.
He could eat and smile again.
He then asked about the singing competition, but you shrugged and said, "Nah. I don't want to join anymore."
Only a few years later did Jungkook realize that there was no singing competition in the first place.
Jungkook's eyes drooped. You were already in Seoul when he found out about it. Sometimes, he entertained the idea of confronting you about it. Now seemed like the perfect opportunity to do it, but Jungkook just caught your wrist instead of asking you about it.
"Hm?" You stared at him innocently. He stopped walking, and so did you.
"Would you..." Jungkook swallowed hard and licked his lower lip. He felt his heart stuttering.
Your eyes were glistening despite the lack of a moon in the sky.
"Would you...sing a song for me again?"
There was a pregnant pause in the air. You blinked at Jungkook, and for a moment, Jungkook thought you would say no. But then you gently cleared your throat and nodded.
"Let's walk." You pulled him and started descending the mountain. You two were keeping a good distance from the group of people. From here, you could see Hanni laughing heartily with her classmates.
The wind blew, hugging you and Jungkook with its coldness.
"All I knew this morning when I woke, is I know something now, know something now I didn't before~"
When Jungkook asked you to sing, your mind instantly went into autopilot and sang whatever your heart told you.
Everything Has Changedâthe song title was exactly what you felt for Jungkook. Wasn't it funny? You went to Busan for your dead best friend.
Sometimes, you felt guilty you were not mourning her enoughâthat Sora was dead, but your treacherous heart was beating like it never did before.
There was death, but there was also rebirthâthe blooming of something you thought you buried for good and left with not even a trace of sunlight.
Daylight had come.
It went in the shade of all right and tall guy with gentle eyes.
Jungkook smiled softly at you. He did not react until you finished singing.
You were almost down the mountain. The kids and the others were already at the foot. It was just you and Jungkook here.
"How's my singing, Your Majesty the Emperor?" You intended to go for a light teasing, but something in Jungkook snapped when you called him emperor.
You were the empress, weren't you?
No words were exchanged. Jungkook put his hand on the small of your back, drawing you in.
Jungkook had kissed other people before. Whenever he did, he always held their cheeks before diving in. But with you, it was different.
He first stroked your head before his right hand gently held the back of your head; his other hand was still in the small of your back.
Jungkook stared deep into your eyes. It was as if he wanted to touch your soul with how intense yet languid he looked at you.
He seemed to want to memorize every part of your faceâafraid you'd vanish if he so much as blinked.
But looking was not enough. He wanted a taste, too.
Jungkook wetted his lips, leaning in. Then, very slowly, he inched closer to you as if giving you time to push him away.
You did not.
But Jungkook was still so afraid. His eyelashes quivered before he dipped his head and gave you a soft peck on the lips.
There were no fireworks or grand and flowery words people read in novels.
The kiss was just itâa kiss.
There were no intense feelings, but there was Jungkook and his soft eyes and open heart.
There were no fireworks, but there was the sound of inserting the key in the door lock, then came the twisting of the knob before the door opened.
There was no rollercoaster kind of feeling in that one kiss. Because the only thing here was home.
Kissing Jungkook felt like coming home.
PART 2
likes and comments are highly appreciated đ it motivates me to write more đđ
Y/N of this fic patterned to my IRL best friend. i love her so much pls listen to her cover of You'll Be in My Heart as this is how I imagined Y/N singing the song.
Navigating the challenges of adjusting and studying as a commoner amidst insults from the nobility was tough, but, the struggle only intensified when the fellow dragon rider, Jeon Jungkook, who took so much pride upon his status and abilities, became a formidable enemy and the ultimate pain in your ass. What did you do then? Simple. You started fucking him.
Warning: okay so... Jungkook is a jerk in it, noble Jungkook x commoner reader= chaos!, jk called her names (love, phoenix, SLUT), school bullies, arguments and fights, Enter Namjoon!!, oral sex in a semi-public place, hair pulling, grinding, fingering, ass spanking like for twice, he eats her out in a libraryđ«Ł, edging, orgasm denial, cum eating, they are kinda toxic but it'll be okay later IF I EVER MAKE IT INTO A SERIESđ„č
A/n: It's finally here!! This is my first ever fic so I hope y'all will like it! I know that e2l meant to be slow burn and it will be the same if I make into a series but I'm not so sure about that:â ,â -â ) Like, do you guys want me to turn this into a series?
âAster, ascend! Use âastral radianceâ on them now!â You commanded. The dragon respond with graceful flight, scattering the shadows with pulsating waves of celestial energy with his power.
Jungkookâs dragon again surged a series of shadowy entity, a relentless onslaught aimed towards you. You didnât even had enough time to recover from the previous attack before you see a cloak of darkness approaching you.
âScrew you, Jeon Jungkook.â
As both of you resumed in a blaze of magic and motion, each command from Jungkook and you echoing through the air.
Eythor and Asterlith soared high above the arena where the game is going on, their wings slicing through the enchanted currents with a thunderous flap.
You guided Asterlith through a series of evasive spins and turns, âDefend! Unleash bursts of celestial energy to dispel the shadows!â That burst of energy created a celestial barrier, disrupting the shadowy figure.
The sky became a canvas for elemental clash. Shadows and celestial radiance intertwined, creating a mesmerizing dance that captivated the onlookers in the grandstand.
You heard Jungkookâs voice, a command filled with determination as the word âattackâ reverberates through the arena. Soon, you see a shadowy tempest raising above the ground, big enough to engulf the whole arena in its darkness. The intensity of it makes you a bit wary.
You, however, remained steadfast, âAster, illuminate the sky and repel the encroaching shadows.â
You can hear the heavy breath from your dragon, as he tries his best remain solid in the fight. He had already used so much of his power that its getting harder for him to continue using constellations energy.
You rubs his neck, tried to calm his nerves and encouraged him, âI know youâre tired, baby, but please just a little more. Could you do that for me?â
You ask softly as he nodded at you. He gathered as much as energy as he can, his celestial radiance intensified, pushing back against the looming darkness.
The crowd below watched with bated breath as the clash of flight and attack unfolded.
The Dragon Duel had reached a crescendo, the clash of shadows and celestial radiance weaving a mesmerizing tapestry in the skies above Syndril. However, as the intensity of the battle grew, an unseen force intervened.
The authorities of the Wings academy, recognizing the escalating magical energies and potential consequences, decided to halt the duel for the safety of all involved.
âCease the duel, right away!â
A resounding voice echoed through the arena, as you and Jungkook momentarily caught in the ebb and flow of the magical currents, reluctantly reined in your dragons, their energies already subdued but still resonating with the remnants of the fierce battle.
âThis clash of powers has reached a level of intensity that poses a threat to the safety of the participants and spectators, so we have to dismiss the game at this very moment.â As the principal of your academy announced.
As the authorities assessed the situation, a magical barrier shimmered into existence, enveloping the arena. It served not only to contain the remnants of the magical energies but also to signal the temporary halt of the sports day.
Jungkook and you, both atop your respective dragons, when you shared a glance with him, you clearly saw a mixture of frustration and anger in it. You shrug it off as you saw a representative of the authorities stepped forward, addressing the dragon riders and the assembled audience.
âThe Dragon Duel shall be temporarily suspended. We will assess the situation, ensuring the safety of all involved. Further instructions will be provided once we are confident in resuming the event.â
In the ethereal expanse of Syndril, where dragons painted the skies with hues of mystique, the art of dragon riding was a privilege bestowed upon the chosen few, a regal tapestry woven for the noble and royal alike. The intertwining destinies of rider and dragon transcended mere power, forming a sacred covenant that echoed through the ages.
In the middle of Syndrilâs heart, there stood a grand place called the âDragon Keepâ, a living testament to the ancient bond shared between the realmâs sovereigns and the winged custodians that adorned the heavens.
Throughout the annals of history, dragons have been formidable companions on the battlefield, their majestic forms serving as both a symbol of power and a devastating force. Since ancient times, these mythical creatures have been harnessed as instruments of war, their scales reflecting the glint of conquest and their breath embodying the fire of conflict.
But, as the time goes, dragons become companion and more of a friends to the humans as the bond between two becomes more strong.
In Syndril, the training of dragons was a vital necessity rooted in the intricate balance of power, protection, and tradition. But, only the nobles were allowed to have a companion such as mystical creature.
To provide such directions and train the dragon in a proper manner, the ancient of this land made a dragon rider academy named âwings academyâ, where people from royal blood and noble families can train and study with their dragons.
There are few reputed dragon houses in the kingdom, famous for their Excelled skills and magnificent magic, from the ancient, these are the elite houses which has been serving this kingdom from ages.
Each of this houses carries unique abilities and distinct attributes that contributed to the kingdomâs intricate tapestry.
The first one is Eythor from the house Shadowthrone, famous for its mastery over shadows and illusions, possessed a unique and elusive power. Its ability to manipulate darkness and create intricate illusions made it a formidable force in both stealth and strategic deception. Ruled by the Jeons, highest member of the royal council. It is rumored that the only people who build this entire Kingdom and found out about it was, The Vilothornâs and Jeonâs.
Next one is known as the house of stoneheart, famous for possessing the power of earthquake and stone manipulation, ruled by Kimâs.
The house of inferno is famous for harnessing the power of heat manipulation. There ability has become a relentless force of searing destruction on the battlefield, ruled by Parkâs.
In contrast to the previous house, the house of Frostland is famous for its capability to freeze opponents with its breath and control ice in various forms, ruled by Minâs.
The house of Skydancers ruled by Jungâs, has the ability to dominate the skies with its mastery over air manipulation and flight agility.
And, once-extinct dragon, has been reborn again, now found by a commoner girl. Asterlithâs wings were said to carry the very essence of celestial realms, now under the care of you. A creature emerged with scales that radiated with the brilliance of a thousand constellations became a living testament to the resurgence of magic and the rekindling of ancient bonds between dragon kind and those destined to ride upon their majestic backs, and now, you become one of them.
A commoner in the academy where she will study alongside other aristocrats were something not acceptable. âonly the noble are allowed to ride a dragonâ was like a tradition which now has been broken by you.
âYour Majesty, with all due respect, Wings academy has been a fortress of nobility for centuries. This departure from tradition may disrupt the delicate balance that has safeguarded our realm.â Lord Liam voiced his concern in front of the gathered noble in the chambers of Syndrilâs royal court.
Lord Jeon, the most trusted component of king Leo and an expert diplomat interjected, âYet, Your Majesty, the magic that binds ___ and Asterlith is undeniably potent, not to mention that she is the chosen one by Asterlith himself. Are we to dismiss the weaving of destiny itself?â
Conflicting ideologies echoed through the walls of the royal court as each person tried to justify their opinion. Some nobles, entrenched in their adherence to tradition, cast disapproving glances, while others, inspired by the possibility of a new era, nodded in silent approval.
A decision was reachedâa groundbreaking one that defied the norms of Syndril. King Leo then announced that everyone must accept this new norm and welcome you into the, once only for the nobles, Wings academy. You, the common girl, would be permitted to study at the Royal Dragon Rider School alongside the nobility was the new rule passed through out the kingdom.
But, you werenât warmly welcomed by the other students at the school neither.
You found yourself facing the cold glares and condescending whispers of those who clung tightly to the rigid norms of Syndril. The nobility, accustomed to a lineage that stretched across generations, viewed your presence as a disruption to their established order.
Despite that, you continue your training regardless. At least, those insults werenât as unbearable as Jeon Jungkook.
The second son of Jeon house, Jungkook, a formidable presence in the mystic realm of Syndrilâs, is an embodiment of unparalleled power and prowess.
Jungkookâs physical prowess is akin to a tempest, an unstoppable force that commands attention.
His martial skills, honed through rigorous training, transform him into a living weapon.
His strategic acumen, a calculated dance of intellect and intuition, adds a layer of sophistication to his formidable persona.
Not only talented but, Jungkook is a magnetic paradox himself, a living canvas painted with ink and adorned with piercings that echo the rhythm of rebellion.
His onyx locks, a rebellious dance against tradition, frame a countenance that carries the weight of both legacy and defiance.
With a set of piercing eyes, a deep brown that reflects both determination and a hint of arrogance, Jungkookâs gaze is both intense and captivating. His brow piercings increases the intensity of his gaze even more.
Upon his strong arms, a tapestry of tattoos unfolds, each design a narrative etched in ink- The motifs, stark against his fair skin, trace the contours of muscles that hint at a strength not easily contained.
Beneath the hardened exterior, however, lingers the paradox of a âbaby-facedâ warrior. Jungkookâs soft features, though sculpted by the passage of time and the rigors of dragon rider training, retain a youthful charm that defies the graveness of his responsibilities.
Here, Jungkook writes a story of contrasts, where tradition and rebellion dance together in a spellbinding harmony.
Yet, him being loved by almost the whole population of the kingdom, you found yourself loathing him.
The animosity that grew between you two, emerged from a combination of conflicting backgrounds, divergent ideologies, and a clash of personalities.
Jungkook carried the weight of familial expectations and traditions. His reserved demeanor and arrogant nature often set him apart, earning him both respect and an air of intimidation.
You, on the other hand, hailed from more humble origins, your ascent to the esteemed academy marked by determination and an unyielding spirit.
You both fought for recognition in the academy, often led to arguments marked by sharpe words, competitive duels, palpable tension and mutual hatred for each other.
The hatred grew over the years as well as the thick sexual tension between you two. The irresistible attraction you both feel towards each other is unexplainable but not-so-hidden either.
The aftermath of the halted Dragon Duel left the arena in an eerie silence, the tension was thick in the air.
As, all the students got dismissed by the school authorities, everyone stared entering the school and going back to their respective dorms.
You were walking alone as usual towards your dorm when you heard a very familiar and annoying voice of the male you hate so much, âThis intervention was unnecessary. We could have settled it ourselves.â
Jungkook, his usually reserved demeanor now tinged with visible annoyance, broke the silence at last. His voice reverberates through out the hollowed hallway, making everyone pause in their movements.
You, equally agitated, responded sharply, âYour arrogance is truly astounding, Jungkook. The authorities stepped in to prevent a catastrophe, something you seem oblivious to.â
The venom In your voice evident and not much hidden from anyone present there. People gathered around you, saw the argument unfolding in front of them.
Jungkookâs patience worn thin, he retorted, âYou act as if you know everything. This clash was an inevitable part of our training. We canât shield ourselves from every challenge!â
He was being absurd with whatever statement he was stating. His pride was taking a toll on his thinking ability clearly.
You were beyond annoyed with his obliviousness when you shot back, âTraining, yes. But, not at the risk of endangering everyone around us. Your recklessness is a danger, and it reflects poorly on House Shadowthrone.â
You heard a few gasps around you, people were surprising with your choice of words. You saw their eyes gone wide upon hearing you pulling house shadowthrone into this argument.
Jungkook was enraged, if he wasnât a human but a dragon, he should have breathed fire and burned you to the ashes once and for all.
He snapped back, âYou act as If your celestial ideals make you infallible. This interruption only proves your inability to handle the challenges and run away from them. I chose the perfect name for you, didnât I? Phoenix? Rise from the ashes without any ability and prowessâ,â he stepped a bit closer to you, burning holes into your face with his Sharpe eyes as he said, âYou belong to the slums and should stay there.â
His insulting words pierced through your heart and ignites a intense rage which you were unable to handle, âIâm not afraid of challenges, Jeon Jungkook from the house of Shadowthrone.â You said mockingly, âI just refuse to let arrogance and recklessness guide my actions unlike you. We must be responsible for the consequences of our powers.â
Soon, the onlookers, divided by loyalties, began to interject with verbal insults and jeers. A supporter of Jungkook, emboldened by the mounting tension, shouted, âJungkookâs strength lies in action, not in empty words and celestial theatrics. Your ideals wonât protect us when the real challenges come.â
People found amusement in them as they begun to laugh at you. You were standing alone there, with no one by your side but yourself, helpless but still defending yourself.
You countered with determination, "Strength without responsibility is a liability, not an asset. We need more than brute force to navigate the complexities of our calling."
You heard a âtskâ from Jungkook as he kept on glaring at you. The voices in favor of Jungkook gained momentum, echoing sentiments of tradition and House Stonethrone storied legacy.
You saw Ivy Drakaron, one of the nobles who happened to be your fellow classmate, smirking at your direction and quite enjoying you being insulted in front of thousands of people, whispering provocative remarks to those around her and laughing along with it.
âYour supposed âresponsibilityâ is nothing but an excuse for your lack of prowess. Syndril needs dragon riders who can face challenges head-on, not ones who cower behind ideals.â Jungkook spits venom from his mouth at you, and this time, it was enough for him to break your hard exterior which you were maintaining carefully and brought tears to your eyes.
With glossy eyes, you glare at his direction and this time, he looked quite surprised and speechless.
Kim Namjoon, senior of yours, belongs to the house of Stoneheart attempted to mediate, stepped forward, âCalm down, both of you, Jungkook and ____. Our unity is paramount, and personal disputes must not undermine the cohesion of Syndrilâs dragon riders.â
He had always been the mediator whenever you two started quarrelling in the middle of nowhere. Being the president of the student community, he had all the abilities to be the perfect leader, still, you both made him afraid with your intense fights, so much so that he became tired. He referred himself to an old man because, according to him, he will soon become bald, if he had to continue taking care of you two anymore.
You thought, he might stop with his hateful remarks after seeing your cracked demeanor, it was clear that you were hurt but he didnât stopped. Jungkook, unwilling to yield, shot a disdainful look at you, "Unity does not mean blind conformity. Your idealistic notions jeopardize the very essence of our training."
âAnd your recklessness jeopardizes lives. I wonât compromise the safety of our dragon rider community for the sake of your misguided ideals.â
Before the tears descended from your gaze, you departed, no longer willing to endure the ceaseless barrage of disparagement.
You were alone in the library at night, when you sensed an elusive presence that stirred the tranquil air.
It wasn't that the library was open at night, you often snuck in there from a secret path, finding the atmosphere of the silently library amusing, it became one of your nightly endeavours.
The muted glow of lanterns cast intricate shadows on the ancient bookshelves, creating an ambiance that heightened your awareness.
As you delicately turned the pages of an age-worn tome, the subtle rustle of paper seemed to echo louder in the stillness⊠An inexplicable awareness tingled at the nape of your neck, compelling you to glance over your shoulder.
Despite the initial surprise after seeing the figure that stepped into the pool of dim light, you decided to mask any reaction, adopting an air of nonchalance.
Because, you knew who it was.
You continued your perusal of the ancient tome, deliberately chose to ignore his presence.
Jungkook, sensing the deliberate indifference, cleared his throat as he leaned on the table in front of him.
You just gave a quick glance at his direction before continue your reading. You saw Jungkookâs eyes aglow with the flickering candlelight, he lookedâŠhandsome. You might fall in love if it werenât for his arrogant nature.
âSeems like youâre quite fond of conversing with seniors. Is that how commoners like to elevate their status?â
There he goes again. Why canât he keep his mouth shut?
WaitâŠwhy he is asking that?
Itâs nothing like you both share a loving relationship, far from that. You both hated each other but despite the hatred, the burning desire and the tentative lust for each other was unexplainable.
The magnetic pull that neither of you could deny, at last gave in.
The first time he fucked you was the time, when you came in the second position of your test.
The rule was simple. The winner must take the lead.
It was quite exquisite seeing Jeon Jungkook squirming under your touch when you tied him up and kept him on the edge until he was begging underneath you, because he lost to you in a game of chess.
It was only this âphysicalâ relationship between you two besides the rivalry. So, why he sounded⊠jealous?
Nonetheless, you were quite enjoying it when you donned a smirk in response to Jungkookâs probing gaze. âOh, didnât realize my choice of conversation partners was under such intense scrutiny â,â
You moved towards the bookshelf beside Jungkook to grab an another ancient tome as you continued, âNamjoon? Just discussing the intricacies of life, you know, the stuff that doesnât make it into noble conversations.â your words, laced with sarcasm, floated through the library.
You did had a conversation with Namjoon earlier, about the incident that happened before. He was worried about you. So, it was a normal decent conversation.
â âalso he was worried about my wellbeing.â You said as your fingers idly tracing the spines of the books. The calmness in your tone unwittingly added fuel to the simmering fire.
Jungkookâs jaw tenses, he retorted, âSeems like youâre building quite the support system among the nobles, ____.â
His constant insults only proves your theory further more, âItâs called having friends, Jeon Jungkook. Maybe you should try it sometime.â You subtly threw a smirk at his way before minding your own business.
This time, when you tried to move away from the spot you were standing, you felt a strong arm pulling you backwards.
âWhat friendship, ____? Where you fuck them?â His face was closer to yours, his warm breath hitting your face. You looked up at him and saw a intensity in his eyes youâve never seen before.
âWhy do you care? Huh?â You stood firm on your toes, âThatâs .None. Of. Your. Business!â
âIt is. Because, Iâm the only one who fucks you.â
He clenched his jaw, a subtle tension lingered in the air. You didnât knew why he was acting the way he was acting, so you tried to push your body away from him.
It wasn't like itâs any of his business. You can have any kind of relationship with anyone, he was no one who could tell you otherwise. His oddly possessive behavior made you irritated further more.
âJ- Jungkook â,â You tried to pull your hand out of his grip and pushed him back. Your hand was on his chest, you felt his muscles tenses under your touch, ââlet go of my hand.â
Instead of doing that, he pushed your back onto the table beside you, caging your hands behind your back as your butt hit the edge of the table.
He didnât said anything, just looked at your eyes with the same intensity and something your couldnât decipher.
âLet me go!â You whisper-shouted at him.
âKiss me and I will.â
You eyes widened at his words as you saw a devilish smirk on his face. He was clearly messing up with you. You pushed against him again, but he settled his one leg in between your thighs, further confining you in that position.
âFuck off!â You retorted, annoyance etching your words.
In response, he countered with a smoldering gaze, âI shall if you ask nicely.â
His face more closer to yours, lips brushing against each other and the leg between your thighs slightly grind against your throbbing cunt, making you whimper in the process.
You didnât held back yourself anymore as you smacked your lips on his.
As your lips collided, an intricate ballet of conflicting emotions played out. You sucked on his lips harder, so much so that it might leave brushes behind but he didnât restricted you.
You heard him growl under his breath when you latched on his lower lip and pulled it down with your teeth.
You knew it was wrong, but you couldnât help yourself. It was like you were hypnotized.
âI hate you.â You said in-between the kiss and he instantly responded, âThe feelings are mutual.â
The intensity of the kiss grew even more when he grabbed your one leg, wrapping it around his waist. You could feel his boner right against you.
You grind on it, eliciting a hiss from him, moaning when you feel him growing harder underneath those clothes.
He deepened the kiss further, pushing further into your body. His hands comes down to your butt as he squeezes it.
Both of your tongue moved in a symphony, making you weak on your knees.
Then you did something. You grabbed his long locks in attempt to push in your tongue inside of his mouth but, in return, you received a harsh slap on your ass, along with a bite on your lower lip.
âDonât even try, love.â
The moan that escaped from your mouth should be illegal, because the way Jungkookâs cock twitched and jumped in respond to that made him moan into your mouth.
You feel a gush of arousal approaching just from the name he called you. You knew he called you that mockingly but the things it does to youâŠit would rather be better if no one knows about that.
Pulling your head backwards by your hair, he started kissing your neck , leaving trails of colorful masterpieces on his way.
A reminder for you about your secret, which no one knows but you, the walls of these library and the man sucking your tits.
âFuck, youâre so fucking wet.â The sounds you were making, was obscene. He twirls his tongue around your hardened bud, harshly sucking on it. Two of his fingers makes its way towards your throbbing pussy.
âYou arenât wearing any panties?â You didnât understand why he was in disbelief. Itâs night time, so, wasn't it obvious?
âYes, because I was going to bed, you stupiâ,â you gasped when he suddenly pushed his one finger inside, making you clench around it.
âWatch your mouth, love, or I might shut you up with something else.â
That jerk!
Before you could threw some insulting remarks towards him, he turned you around abruptly and made you spread your leg wide. You found support on the table in front of you, as you gripped on the edges of it for some support.
He pulled your nightgown all the way up to your waist. You couldnât saw him in the dim light, but you felt the heat of his burning desire.
The library's dim light cast shadows that played upon the canvas of your unspoken desires.
You felt his fingers on your thighs as they tentatively draw patterns on your smooth skin, as he kissed your inner thighs, making you shut your eyes from the overwhelming sensations.
When you did looked back, you saw Jungkook on his knees as he fondle your ass feverously, his intense gaze focused on your soaking pussy.
âWandering around like this? You are a little slut, arenât you?â You mewl when he placed a kiss on your clit, so soft that you just felt the ghost of his lips but it was enough for you to threw your head back.
Without a warning, he started sucking you clit, twirling his tongue all over your cunt as if he just found his favorite desert.
âMy little slut, only mine. Right, love?â
He was settled in between you thighs, both your legs on his shoulder.
When you look down on him, he was smirking at you while devouring your pussy like a starve man.
The subtle eye contact ignited something in you, he made you feel things you shouldnât felt. The forbidden sense of this makes it more appealing as you couldnât help but drawn to the this unspoken game of lust and desire.
You screw your eyes shut, gripping the table as you prepare yourself for the upcoming orgasm.
He brought his fingers to your clit and started rubbing it in a crisscross way while his tongue goes inside of you, fucking you on his tongue.
As soon as that hot muscle entered, you moaned out his name, unable to control yourself, your essence dripping all over his mouth as he kept on rubbing and tugging your clit with his fingers while his tongue explores your warm walls as he found that spot which made your brain numb.
And, he knew it.
He smirked when you gripped on his men bun, shoved his face further into pussy as you grind on his face, desperately chased you release.
He kept on hitting that spot until you were a whimpering mess, but as soon as he felt your orgasm approaching, he pulled back altogether.
The whine that escaped your mouth was desperate. Embarrassing. But, you didnât care.
âWhat the fuck?â
âI asked you a question, didnât I?â
Asshole.
He wanted you to admit, to submit to him. Admitting that youâre his, had always been a struggle for you. Why would you though, when you werenât his? You never understood his obsession with making you admitting that.
It must be some sick power play for him, you thought.
âIâm not saying it, because Iâm not yours.â You firmly stated, glaring down at him.
His eyes further hardened from the previous half lidded one, âLetâs see for how long you can stick to that.â
Again he goes back to his work, this time more rougher than before.
Every time, you came closer to your release, he pulled back and made you squirm in his hold.
At the last thrust of his tongue, you cried out, your cries resonated through out the empty hall of the library. You instantly slapped your hand over your mouth.
âCome on, love. Say it if you want to cum.â
He was determined about leaving you then and there, hot and messy with your dripping cunt if you werenât tell him the words he wanted to heard. His stubbornness and competitive nature wasnât anything new to you.
He again brought his hand to your abused pussy, but this time, he put his fingers in it while sucking on your pulsating bud, occasionally tugging and biting the bundle of nerves, making you go insane.
âFuck. Please, please Jungkook, let me c-cum,â
You voice was whiney, your broken cries made his cock twitch in his pants once again, making him growl into your heat.
âThen say it â,â He smacked your ass, his teeth dragging all over your throbbing clit before tugging and sucking on it harshly, âSay that youâre mine.â
You gripped onto his hair, tugged on it as your thighs stared trembling along with your whole body, you were close.
This time, you gave up.
You pleaded to him, chasing your release once again.
âThen, cum for me but look at me when you do. I wanna see your faceâ
You obliged without any obligations. You looked down at him, staring into his eyes as you saw his brows pinched together as his lips attached to your clit, while thrusting his fingers inside you as you cum around them, made them soaking wet with your essence, rolling your eyes to the back of your head as he watched your blessed out face with a smile on his face.
He didnât stop though, until he drunk all of that you gave to him, slurping your essence, leaving you dry.
He was back on his toes as he turned you around. Your legs still trembling from the intense orgasm and overstimulation, he held you, encircled his hand around your waist and made you sit on top of the table.
You could see his face glistering with your essence, shining under the dim light, his piercing eyes staring at your soul as you saw he licked his lips with his half-lidded eyes and tousled hair from you gripping and tugging on it.
He was so hot that you didnât knew if you wanted to kill him or kiss him.
He made it easier as he put his fingers in his mouth, sucking your essence of off it, then pulling you into a kiss.
An electric charge rushes through you as it seemed to dance across every inch of your body. You gasped, when you tasted your own cum on your tongue.
You were out of breath when he detached his lips from yours, both of you tried to breath in some air while you thought what the fuck you just did?
When he tried to caress your cheeks, you pushed him back, made him bewildered in the process.
âI-I have to leave.â You stumbled a bit on your steps but caught yourself before he could reach out.
â____...â It was surprisinglyâŠtender, almost affectionate. It made you wonder if he genuinely felt remorse, maybe guilt?
âWhat went down earlier shouldnât have, and I get that I said some hurtful things. ButâŠhonestly, if you werenât mentioned my house, I wouldnât have gone there andâ I hope you know thatâŠâ
Oh, the irony! Expecting an apology from him?
His pride soared too high to grasp your emotions. He didnât even considered the things he said to you, the things you had to heard because of him, how much you had to suffer.
Yes, you truly despise him and he is the reason behind that.
As you kept on walking out of the library, not sparing a glance back at him, unwilling to linger in the aftermath of his intensity.
âYou are a fucking jerk, Jeon Jungkook and I hope you know that.â
The damage was done, and the scars of his callousness lingered.
Note: Let me know your thoughts on this and also, help me out with making the decision about if I should make this into a series or not. Like, is it worth it? Please let me know!!