Alluring.Havoc

Since I don't make YouTube videos, but really wanted to do V.E.D.A. I came up with my own contraception ...B.E.D.A(BLOG EVERYDAY in APRIL )....Corny, I'll admit, but at least I can sweep those cobwebs off my writing closet....let the fun begin

So What the outcome of life built on intimacy/ An empty spot where a heart is suppose be/ Tear stained pillows, eyes red from weeping/ A complex of “there isn’t anyone for me/ Then comes self medication to drown out the voices that speak clearly/ “maybe this how life is suppose to really exist “,”/love is Nothing but hype,though you still decided to trip/then you lean to the understanding of friends/that are just as lonely as you so the pain you feel becomes deeper within / but Nothing gets solve and the hole becomes bigger/ now empty physical touch becomes your new demon/nights start getting longer / days become colder/because the person you use to be gets the cold shoulder /"What happen you,you use to smile"/"you are mean, What happen to that beautiful child/ and you don't know where to start again/ people in love become the enemy / looking around, you have lost your soul/ fighting to keep something that so many let go...

I remember it like it was yesterday... cuddling, talks of houses and moving, sweet nothings... now all gone. I never knew how dependent I was on being in a relationship until I finally stepped out of one with No "back ups" or "rams in my bush" (As my aunt calls them). I am completely floating along and I'll admit... I feel MISERABLE. I'll admit this is probably and honestly the best thing for me. I have constantly been in and out of relationships since I was 18 years old... now at 27 and almost a decade later my heart and emotions could use a break. But still this feeling isn't any fun. And it has became more of a drag, since I have introduced a friends with benefits into the picture who is extremely try to detach herself from any type of RELATIONSHIP TITLE PERIOD... Which doesn't help because she an amazing woman and right now I just wanna stick myself to her... smh... just my luck right... I have tried seeing the sliver lining in all of this...that maybe I'm approaching a life changing break through for me and my son and this just be the path I have to take to attain it? Or maybe I am really gonna discover this beautiful woman who everyone seems to believe exist, though I haven't fully met her yet? In either case it would be a great situation for me. I guess I'm just feeling the void a little deeper tonight than usual. The void that has been there since Mush in December. The void that I have been trying to fill with flirtation and sexual innuendos. That void that hasn't EVER had a chance to ever heal. The VOID that I finally needs to close up ,so I won't be so addicted into believing that I'm less of someone or can't exist without having a relationship. I wish it would happen soon, though because this feeling is not What I need everyday. -SINCERELY, Beautiful Chaos

Vee (HerBeautifulChaos the memoirs )

[Sensations of pure orgasmic stimulation/wash over me creating a calm that only your touch can deliver / I'll confess our interactions keep my legs intertwine over shoulders/ face nestled into pillow cases/ nude body tangled in sheet/ moans translating into forbidden languages /only spoken solely from our two bodies crashing into one/ though this creation isn't only for my body to seek /I place the world on hold for that moment /For No one else matters in the hours except my Queen and I ] –Vee

Vee (HerBeautifulChaos the memoir )

I love the mushy stuff.. #SoSueMe #CanWeCuddle

Falling in love with me #HeyTumblr

dermatologist: these hoes stressin you out?