✨Unhinged Horny Thoughts✨

As your due date looms closer and closer, you find yourself slowly losing your mind.

Cravings come that you can’t satiate, often reducing you to tears. Your stomach grows heavier and heavier, making your back ache so badly sometimes you can’t even get out of bed. The swelling has started, as you realize one day you can’t put on your sandals without the straps cutting into your skin. That sends you right back into bed to cry.

Tayin comes to visit sometimes, bringing you food and tea. It helps, to a point. The tea only alleviates the aches and pains. It can’t do much for your rapidly deteriorating mental state.

You miss home. You miss Earth. You miss your family, your friends, even if you barely spoke to either. You miss Earth culture, Earth food, Earth clothing. You want to put on a pair of converse and take a walk in a park surrounded by trees and birds and a stream. You want to see snow again. You want to stand out in the rain and let it soak you until you’re freezing. You want to go home, away from this alien planet and its strange customs and food and people.

You miss humans.

It only makes you feel guilty.

Ute has been nothing but kind to you. Supportive, caring. He fought for you, saving you when he didn’t have to, threatening the clan leader, ostracizing himself from his people for your sake. He’s gone so far as to send his brother to get Dr. Pepper for you, buying you ingredients to try and replicate Earth foods. He’s trying, but it doesn’t feel like enough, and that makes you feel guilty.

It’s entirely normal, being homesick after months on an alien planet. Throwing in the emotional turmoil of being pregnant certainly doesn’t help either. Your body is under constant stress and strain from growing an alien spawn on an alien planet. A spawn you don’t want, you wouldn’t have wanted, had it been up to you. A spawn you had forced on you by the government and for what? The sake of doing it because they could?

A dark part of you wishes Ute had left you there in the lab. Then your spawn wouldn’t have been your responsibility. They’d let you keep it until it was old enough, but then they’d whisk it away to raise as they saw fit. What would they have done with you after, if they didn’t have Ute? Surely they had more samples from him. Would they have forced you to play broodmare until they used every last bit of his DNA? Then what? Would they have saddled you with at least one of the spawn, assessing how one raised by a human would turn out? Nature versus nurture?

You can’t imagine you’d be very nurturing.

Would they have drawn Ute back somehow? Used your soulmate mark against him to try and recapture him? Would he have come back for you at some point? Or would he have left you for good in the hands of the government who would never let you go?

He had no reason to care for you, outside of a mark on your skin.

Yet he’s done everything he can to make you comfortable, provide for you, maybe even love you.

And here you are, complaining that it’s not enough.

Tears wet your pillow as you lay in bed, curled up on your side. Laying on your back is now impossible, as you feel like your spine and organs might be crushed by the heavy weight of the spawn inside of you. Ute lays behind you in the dark, his claw absentmindedly tracing the mark on your skin. There’s a low rumbling sound coming from his chest, an undertone to your occasional shaky inhales and sniffles.

“What can I do?” He asks softly.

A sob leaves your lips at the sincerity of it. He’d burn down the world if you asked him to. That only makes you cry harder.

“Nothing,” you manage to gasp out, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. “It’s just my stupid brain and these fucking hormones.” You sigh, turning your face into your pillow for a moment.

Ute is quiet, his hand stilling on your arm. He’s been so good to you, such a trooper through your ups and downs. Each mood swing is met with kindness and understanding, even when you cursed him out for existing.

“I can’t wait until the pregnancy is over.” You sniffle, wiping your cheeks. “My body can go back to fucking normal, except for the fact I’ll need infusions of your blood every six months for the rest of my life.” You laugh sardonically.

You curse yourself silently for that day, when you uploaded your data into the soulmate registry. Going the rest of your life never finding your soulmate would have been better than this.

“Let’s just go to sleep.” You sniffle, curling tighter into a ball, as much as you can with your stomach in the way.

Ute doesn’t move for a long moment, his hand still touching you. He doesn’t say anything, but you get the feeling he wants to. Instead he keeps silent, his hand moving from your skin as he rolls onto his back. More tears spill down your cheeks as you descend into silence once more, broken only by the occasional snore from Ute.

****

The next day doesn’t bring better feelings. Guilt eats away at you from your thoughts, brought in by the darkness of your depression, your homesickness, your refusal to accept your new reality. Ute knows something is wrong, but you won’t let him in, so he keeps his distance. He spends a lot of time upstairs keeping himself busy as you rot away alone, swollen near to bursting. You want this spawn out of you. You want to belong to yourself again.

This distance that’s been driven between the two of you has your chest aching. It’s the bond trying to tug the two of you close again, where you should be. You wonder if he feels the same, if he feels that desperate tugging.

It is possible to break a bond. It does happen. Not often, but you’ve read stories, Reddit threads of those who survived a severed bond. A lifetime of pain and emptiness awaits, brought on by choice or by falling out of love.

You don’t want to break the bond. You love Ute, deep down beneath the depression and violently swinging moods. You’d be fine if you weren’t pregnant. That’s what you keep telling yourself. It’s your condition, and the feeling of being trapped because of it. Could eh take you home to visit if you weren’t close to bursting with his spawn? Once the spawn has been birthed could you see Earth again? Just a glimpse, just a step onto your home soil would be enough. Just a breath of clean oxygen and a gravitational field that doesn’t feel like it’s trying to compress you into the ground.

Maybe that’s just your spawn making everything harder.

God you can’t wait to get this thing out of you.

****

“Ute?” You ask him, seated across from him at the table.

He grunts, spearing a chunk of meat into his mouth.

“How long have we been here?” You ask, pushing vegetables around on your plate. You’ve been trying to keep track, but their time system is different than the one you’re used to.

He’s quiet for a moment, probably doing the mental math. “Nearly ten months.” He says.

“Great.” You say. Tayin told you yautja pregnancies last around ten months. “So I could give birth any minute now.”

Ute goes quiet, staring at you like the reality of the situation is finally hitting him. It could happen as soon as tonight.

Tayin had said she’d be there for you, promising to support you through the birth and the days after, which you’ve always heard is the hardest. How different are yautja newborns from human ones? Tayin says they suckle almost immediately, but how will your human DNA change things?

The nightmare creature your brain had created flashes through your mind once again.

You wince, spearing a vegetable with your fork. Might as well eat now while you still feel like it. Who knows when things will go downhill.

****

It’s like you cursed yourself.

You’re getting ready for bed when you feel it, a rush of fluid dripping down your thighs. You freeze, standing there wide-eyed.

“What?” Ute asks, kneeling on the bed.

“I think my water just broke.” You say, reaching a hand between your thighs to check and make sure it’s not blood.

Ute jumps off the bed, whipping his head around frantically.

“Hold on, big guy.” You say, holding your hands out. “Tayin said it could be a day before labor starts.”

He grumbles something before leaving the room, his steps retreating up the stairs. You sigh, wiping the fluid from your skin as best you can before curling up on the bed. This is really happening. As soon as tomorrow you could have your spawn in your arms.

Ute returns, sitting on the edge of the bed behind you. “Pain?” He asks, tilting his head to glance at you.

You shake your head. “No. Nothing.”

He hums, sitting still as a board on the edge of the bed. You want to spend your last night of freedom sleeping as much as you can, but your on-edge yautja is making that hard. He’s never done this before either, just as clueless as you are. You’re both running with what Tayin told you, based on her own experiences, which could be completely different from what you will experience as a human.

You’re half asleep when a knock sounds at the door, Ute rising to open it. Voices filter through, two female voices. He’s called his sister and his mother already.

Tayin enters the room, moving to your side of the bed. You crack your eyes open, staring up at her as she leans over you. Her hand presses against your stomach, gently feeling along your bump. “Suckling is low.” She says, removing her hand.

“Tomorrow.” Ven’tea nods, sounding very sure of herself.

They leave you alone, moving back out into the main area. You let out a shuddering breath, nerves twisting in your stomach. Tomorrow. By tomorrow you’ll have your spawn in your arms, if Ven’tea is correct, which you have little doubt she is. You have no choice but to trust your female in-laws, putting your life and well-being into their hands. Not just yours, but that of your spawn as well.

What if something goes wrong? What if there’s a complication? What if its too big and gets stuck? You could easily die giving birth to a regular human baby, but an alien one? A giant alien baby? Could they perform a c-section if needed? You don’t doubt that, given their advanced technology, but how would it affect you? You’re not like them, far more delicate and breakable.

Oh god, this baby could break bones trying to get out.

You curl up tighter in a ball, pressing your hands against your stomach. The spawn is alive and kicking, what you think is a foot pressing against your palm. It must be head down by now, ready to come sliding out in a wave of blood and gore.

“Sleep. You’ll need it.” You hear Ven’tea say moments before Ute returns.

The bed dips behind you as the lights turn off, leaving the room in darkness. Ute presses up against your back, letting his hand fall on top of yours.

“Tomorrow.” You whisper, letting your eyes drift closed.

He grumbles low in his chest, the sound rumbling through you. His hand doesn’t move even as he drifts off to sleep, his breaths slow and even. What is he feeling in this moment? Some parental panic, given how early he called his sister and mother. He’s not the one that has to deliver the baby. He’s got it easy.

Unless something happens...then he has to live with the guilt.

You let out a sigh, relaxing as you start to drift off to sleep.

It’s sometime in the middle of the night when the first cramps begin. They’re hardly more than period cramps, low in your belly, enough to wake you but not enough to draw much of a reaction. They last for a few seconds before stopping, enough time passing between them that you drift off back to sleep before being woken by the next round of cramping.

It’s happening, your sleepy mind puts together. These are your first contractions. Labor has started.

Despite that frightening thought you manage to sleep until morning, waking with your contractions now that your mind has put a name to them. Ute sleeps through the night, entirely unbothered an unworried.

Lucky him.

Breakfast is waiting when you wake, Ven’tea making a full spread for the four of you. You don’t feel much like eating, the cramps having intensified just a bit, but you know you should. It’s important that you keep your strength, that you’re as prepared as you can be for when it finally happens.

Any time today.

“Do you have pain?” Tayin asks, sitting next to you at the table.

“A bit.” You answer honestly. “It started last night. Maybe an hour or two between.”

She grunts, putting a hand on your stomach again, pressing lightly.

She doesn’t say anything more, perhaps satisfied with her examination. You’ve still got a ways to go, you know that much from your own knowledge of childbirth. Timing the contractions is important, as that will tell you how close you are to holding your spawn in your arms.

The nightmare creature flashes through your mind again.

Not helpful.

****

As the day drags on, the cramping gets worse. The closer the contractions grow, the worse they get, stealing your breath from your lungs as your stomach clenches. Ute has been pacing so much he’s nearly worn holes in the floor, Tayin and Ven’tea looking entirely unbothered as they count minutes between contractions, constantly pressing at your stomach to feel where the spawn is. He feels low, lower than you’ve ever felt him, a constant pressure on your organs sending you constantly to the bathroom.

“Can it just happen already?” You groan, breathing hard after another set of contractions.

“It is almost time to go.” Ven’tea says, tapping at the tablet screen.

Tayin had told you most yautja gave birth at home, aided by other females or a healer if needed. You, however, were going to give birth in Netaande’s clinic, given the risks and the endless possibilities of something going wrong through this process. No one truly knows what to expect, and you can imagine Netaande is beyond gleeful to have this experience. He’s been more than fascinated in your biology, the ways you differ from yautja, the possibilities of what this pregnancy means.

The four of you wait for another contraction to pass before deciding it’s time, Ute halfway to picking you up before you protest that you can walk. You may have to stop and take breaks, but you’re determined to have this one last moment of freedom before you’re ripped in half by an alien spawn.

The walk to the clinic takes longer than usual, even with how swollen you were towards the end. Ute hovers, hands outstretched like you might collapse at any moment. Tayin rolls her eyes, her and Ven’tea following leisurely behind you.

Eyes follow as you pass, children and adults alike watching as you make your way down the street to the clinic, hands clutching at your stomach as another contraction hits. You’re so ready for this to be over, so ready to have your body back, even if it means you’ll have a newborn to take care of.

Netaande is waiting for you at the front, speaking rapidly with Tayin and Ven’tea as he gets you comfortable inside. The metal table is far from a hospital bed, but it’s what you’ve got. It’s cold, though, nice against your heated skin. Ute hovers so much Netaande has to push him out of the way, forcing him into a seat across the room. He’s definitely not pouting, his eyes following the healer as he scans you, pressing against your stomach.

The waiting is the worst part. The contractions only grow more and more painful, your breaths coming in gasps as the pain ripples through you. They’re getting closer and closer together, only a couple of minutes passing between each. Ute has taken to pacing again, back and forth and back and forth. It’s annoying you, but you’re afraid of what he might take to doing should you make him stop. He might start chewing holes in the walls.

What happens next is a blur of pain.

You vaguely remember Netaande telling you to push, your body curling up off of the table as you bear down. Tayin and Ven’tea were voicing praises and motivation as you bore down, clutching Ute’s hand so tightly you thought you could feel his bones grinding together.

It was like being torn in half, the pain intense, unlike anything you’ve ever felt. Your entire body was aflame, too hot and too cold at the same time. You could feel it moving, sliding out of you like a slippery eel.

There’s no sound when its born, when she is born. No crying, only a weak sound before she’s placed on your chest, blood and fluid coated limbs flailing.

She looks like a yautja.

Mottled green skin, four mandibles flaring as her mouth seeks you. Small numbs protrude from the top of her head where her locs will grow in, tiny fingers with blunt claws reach into the air as she squirms.

Tayin takes over, guiding her mouth to your breast. She latches immediately, suckling until milk starts to seep out into her little mouth. She has no teeth, something you’re grateful for.

“Oh my god.” You breathe, holding her against your chest. Ute is staring down at you, blinking rapidly like he might cry. Can yautja cry? You’ve never thought about that before. “She’s so tiny.”

She is small, smaller than you expected her to be considering the size you had grown to. Tears blur your vision as you stare down at her, stroking her tiny cheek with your finger. Her skin is soft, not rough like Ute’s.

You’re completely unaware of what’s happening at the end of the table, entirely too focused on your little girl, which was probably a good thing.

Ute brushes her tiny arm with his finger, as if he’s trying to check she really is real.

“Look at her, Ute.” You say, sniffling quietly.

“She’s beautiful.” He says quietly, her hand wrapping around his finger. He’s careful not to cut her with his claw, letting her cling to him as she eats.

“Tiny.” Tayin says, staring down at her niece.

“That’s probably my fault.” You huff out a laugh. “My genes made her small.”

“She will grow.” Tayin says, brushing a finger over her head. “Bigger than you.”

“I hope so.” You smile, pulling her away once she’s done eating, letting Netaande clean her up and check her over.

You’re exhausted, laying back against the table that’s slick with your sweat, completely uncaring that your tits are hanging out. No one seems to care much, Ven’tea dabbing at your face with a cool cloth.

“I feel like I could sleep for a week.” You breathe, letting your eyes close for a moment. You’re aching, the pain coming back to you now that you don’t have the distraction of your baby.

You glance over to where she’s being swaddled in a blanket, clean of blood and fluid, her skin looking greener than it had before. Do their colors change as they age? More vibrant as children before fading as they get older? There’s so much you don’t know, so many other questions now that she’s really here.

“I have so many more questions.” You say, looking up at Tayin.

“I will answer.” She says, patting the top of your head.

Netaande puts your daughter back in your arms now that she’s clean, her eyes wide open as she stares up at you. Can she see right away or is she like a human baby, looking at a blurry world around her?

“Hi love.” You say softly, smiling down at her. “I didn’t think you’d be this cute.”

The nightmare image you had conjured is gone now that you have the truth before you. A yautja pup through and through, if a bit small.

“I think your daddy would like to hold you,” you say, a bit hesitant to let her go, but it’s only fair.

Ute looks unsure as you hold her out, almost hesitant to take her. You give him a reassuring smile as he takes her, her tiny form looking even smaller in his arms. He looks like he might cry again, more emotion in his eyes than you’ve ever seen before as he stares down at his daughter.

“What is her name?” Ven’tea asks.

A name. You hadn’t discussed names. The prospect had made it feel all too real. Now you have to name her. Now you have to come up with something to call her, something that will define her entire life.

“Dikea.” Ute says, saving you from trying to come up with something Yautja sounding.

“Dikea.” You say, trying it out on your tongue. “I like it.” You say, telling the truth. It’s a cute name, fitting for her little form. You reach out a finger, stroking her cheek. “Hello, Dikea.”

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