mostlydysfuction

As your due date looms closer and closer, you find yourself slowly losing your mind.

Cravings come that you can’t satiate, often reducing you to tears. Your stomach grows heavier and heavier, making your back ache so badly sometimes you can’t even get out of bed. The swelling has started, as you realize one day you can’t put on your sandals without the straps cutting into your skin. That sends you right back into bed to cry.

Tayin comes to visit sometimes, bringing you food and tea. It helps, to a point. The tea only alleviates the aches and pains. It can’t do much for your rapidly deteriorating mental state.

You miss home. You miss Earth. You miss your family, your friends, even if you barely spoke to either. You miss Earth culture, Earth food, Earth clothing. You want to put on a pair of converse and take a walk in a park surrounded by trees and birds and a stream. You want to see snow again. You want to stand out in the rain and let it soak you until you’re freezing. You want to go home, away from this alien planet and its strange customs and food and people.

You miss humans.

It only makes you feel guilty.

Ute has been nothing but kind to you. Supportive, caring. He fought for you, saving you when he didn’t have to, threatening the clan leader, ostracizing himself from his people for your sake. He’s gone so far as to send his brother to get Dr. Pepper for you, buying you ingredients to try and replicate Earth foods. He’s trying, but it doesn’t feel like enough, and that makes you feel guilty.

It’s entirely normal, being homesick after months on an alien planet. Throwing in the emotional turmoil of being pregnant certainly doesn’t help either. Your body is under constant stress and strain from growing an alien spawn on an alien planet. A spawn you don’t want, you wouldn’t have wanted, had it been up to you. A spawn you had forced on you by the government and for what? The sake of doing it because they could?

A dark part of you wishes Ute had left you there in the lab. Then your spawn wouldn’t have been your responsibility. They’d let you keep it until it was old enough, but then they’d whisk it away to raise as they saw fit. What would they have done with you after, if they didn’t have Ute? Surely they had more samples from him. Would they have forced you to play broodmare until they used every last bit of his DNA? Then what? Would they have saddled you with at least one of the spawn, assessing how one raised by a human would turn out? Nature versus nurture?

You can’t imagine you’d be very nurturing.

Would they have drawn Ute back somehow? Used your soulmate mark against him to try and recapture him? Would he have come back for you at some point? Or would he have left you for good in the hands of the government who would never let you go?

He had no reason to care for you, outside of a mark on your skin.

Yet he’s done everything he can to make you comfortable, provide for you, maybe even love you.

And here you are, complaining that it’s not enough.

Tears wet your pillow as you lay in bed, curled up on your side. Laying on your back is now impossible, as you feel like your spine and organs might be crushed by the heavy weight of the spawn inside of you. Ute lays behind you in the dark, his claw absentmindedly tracing the mark on your skin. There’s a low rumbling sound coming from his chest, an undertone to your occasional shaky inhales and sniffles.

“What can I do?” He asks softly.

A sob leaves your lips at the sincerity of it. He’d burn down the world if you asked him to. That only makes you cry harder.

“Nothing,” you manage to gasp out, wiping your nose with the back of your hand. “It’s just my stupid brain and these fucking hormones.” You sigh, turning your face into your pillow for a moment.

Ute is quiet, his hand stilling on your arm. He’s been so good to you, such a trooper through your ups and downs. Each mood swing is met with kindness and understanding, even when you cursed him out for existing.

“I can’t wait until the pregnancy is over.” You sniffle, wiping your cheeks. “My body can go back to fucking normal, except for the fact I’ll need infusions of your blood every six months for the rest of my life.” You laugh sardonically.

You curse yourself silently for that day, when you uploaded your data into the soulmate registry. Going the rest of your life never finding your soulmate would have been better than this.

“Let’s just go to sleep.” You sniffle, curling tighter into a ball, as much as you can with your stomach in the way.

Ute doesn’t move for a long moment, his hand still touching you. He doesn’t say anything, but you get the feeling he wants to. Instead he keeps silent, his hand moving from your skin as he rolls onto his back. More tears spill down your cheeks as you descend into silence once more, broken only by the occasional snore from Ute.

****

The next day doesn’t bring better feelings. Guilt eats away at you from your thoughts, brought in by the darkness of your depression, your homesickness, your refusal to accept your new reality. Ute knows something is wrong, but you won’t let him in, so he keeps his distance. He spends a lot of time upstairs keeping himself busy as you rot away alone, swollen near to bursting. You want this spawn out of you. You want to belong to yourself again.

This distance that’s been driven between the two of you has your chest aching. It’s the bond trying to tug the two of you close again, where you should be. You wonder if he feels the same, if he feels that desperate tugging.

It is possible to break a bond. It does happen. Not often, but you’ve read stories, Reddit threads of those who survived a severed bond. A lifetime of pain and emptiness awaits, brought on by choice or by falling out of love.

You don’t want to break the bond. You love Ute, deep down beneath the depression and violently swinging moods. You’d be fine if you weren’t pregnant. That’s what you keep telling yourself. It’s your condition, and the feeling of being trapped because of it. Could eh take you home to visit if you weren’t close to bursting with his spawn? Once the spawn has been birthed could you see Earth again? Just a glimpse, just a step onto your home soil would be enough. Just a breath of clean oxygen and a gravitational field that doesn’t feel like it’s trying to compress you into the ground.

Maybe that’s just your spawn making everything harder.

God you can’t wait to get this thing out of you.

****

“Ute?” You ask him, seated across from him at the table.

He grunts, spearing a chunk of meat into his mouth.

“How long have we been here?” You ask, pushing vegetables around on your plate. You’ve been trying to keep track, but their time system is different than the one you’re used to.

He’s quiet for a moment, probably doing the mental math. “Nearly ten months.” He says.

“Great.” You say. Tayin told you yautja pregnancies last around ten months. “So I could give birth any minute now.”

Ute goes quiet, staring at you like the reality of the situation is finally hitting him. It could happen as soon as tonight.

Tayin had said she’d be there for you, promising to support you through the birth and the days after, which you’ve always heard is the hardest. How different are yautja newborns from human ones? Tayin says they suckle almost immediately, but how will your human DNA change things?

The nightmare creature your brain had created flashes through your mind once again.

You wince, spearing a vegetable with your fork. Might as well eat now while you still feel like it. Who knows when things will go downhill.

****

It’s like you cursed yourself.

You’re getting ready for bed when you feel it, a rush of fluid dripping down your thighs. You freeze, standing there wide-eyed.

“What?” Ute asks, kneeling on the bed.

“I think my water just broke.” You say, reaching a hand between your thighs to check and make sure it’s not blood.

Ute jumps off the bed, whipping his head around frantically.

“Hold on, big guy.” You say, holding your hands out. “Tayin said it could be a day before labor starts.”

He grumbles something before leaving the room, his steps retreating up the stairs. You sigh, wiping the fluid from your skin as best you can before curling up on the bed. This is really happening. As soon as tomorrow you could have your spawn in your arms.

Ute returns, sitting on the edge of the bed behind you. “Pain?” He asks, tilting his head to glance at you.

You shake your head. “No. Nothing.”

He hums, sitting still as a board on the edge of the bed. You want to spend your last night of freedom sleeping as much as you can, but your on-edge yautja is making that hard. He’s never done this before either, just as clueless as you are. You’re both running with what Tayin told you, based on her own experiences, which could be completely different from what you will experience as a human.

You’re half asleep when a knock sounds at the door, Ute rising to open it. Voices filter through, two female voices. He’s called his sister and his mother already.

Tayin enters the room, moving to your side of the bed. You crack your eyes open, staring up at her as she leans over you. Her hand presses against your stomach, gently feeling along your bump. “Suckling is low.” She says, removing her hand.

“Tomorrow.” Ven’tea nods, sounding very sure of herself.

They leave you alone, moving back out into the main area. You let out a shuddering breath, nerves twisting in your stomach. Tomorrow. By tomorrow you’ll have your spawn in your arms, if Ven’tea is correct, which you have little doubt she is. You have no choice but to trust your female in-laws, putting your life and well-being into their hands. Not just yours, but that of your spawn as well.

What if something goes wrong? What if there’s a complication? What if its too big and gets stuck? You could easily die giving birth to a regular human baby, but an alien one? A giant alien baby? Could they perform a c-section if needed? You don’t doubt that, given their advanced technology, but how would it affect you? You’re not like them, far more delicate and breakable.

Oh god, this baby could break bones trying to get out.

You curl up tighter in a ball, pressing your hands against your stomach. The spawn is alive and kicking, what you think is a foot pressing against your palm. It must be head down by now, ready to come sliding out in a wave of blood and gore.

“Sleep. You’ll need it.” You hear Ven’tea say moments before Ute returns.

The bed dips behind you as the lights turn off, leaving the room in darkness. Ute presses up against your back, letting his hand fall on top of yours.

“Tomorrow.” You whisper, letting your eyes drift closed.

He grumbles low in his chest, the sound rumbling through you. His hand doesn’t move even as he drifts off to sleep, his breaths slow and even. What is he feeling in this moment? Some parental panic, given how early he called his sister and mother. He’s not the one that has to deliver the baby. He’s got it easy.

Unless something happens...then he has to live with the guilt.

You let out a sigh, relaxing as you start to drift off to sleep.

It’s sometime in the middle of the night when the first cramps begin. They’re hardly more than period cramps, low in your belly, enough to wake you but not enough to draw much of a reaction. They last for a few seconds before stopping, enough time passing between them that you drift off back to sleep before being woken by the next round of cramping.

It’s happening, your sleepy mind puts together. These are your first contractions. Labor has started.

Despite that frightening thought you manage to sleep until morning, waking with your contractions now that your mind has put a name to them. Ute sleeps through the night, entirely unbothered an unworried.

Lucky him.

Breakfast is waiting when you wake, Ven’tea making a full spread for the four of you. You don’t feel much like eating, the cramps having intensified just a bit, but you know you should. It’s important that you keep your strength, that you’re as prepared as you can be for when it finally happens.

Any time today.

“Do you have pain?” Tayin asks, sitting next to you at the table.

“A bit.” You answer honestly. “It started last night. Maybe an hour or two between.”

She grunts, putting a hand on your stomach again, pressing lightly.

She doesn’t say anything more, perhaps satisfied with her examination. You’ve still got a ways to go, you know that much from your own knowledge of childbirth. Timing the contractions is important, as that will tell you how close you are to holding your spawn in your arms.

The nightmare creature flashes through your mind again.

Not helpful.

****

As the day drags on, the cramping gets worse. The closer the contractions grow, the worse they get, stealing your breath from your lungs as your stomach clenches. Ute has been pacing so much he’s nearly worn holes in the floor, Tayin and Ven’tea looking entirely unbothered as they count minutes between contractions, constantly pressing at your stomach to feel where the spawn is. He feels low, lower than you’ve ever felt him, a constant pressure on your organs sending you constantly to the bathroom.

“Can it just happen already?” You groan, breathing hard after another set of contractions.

“It is almost time to go.” Ven’tea says, tapping at the tablet screen.

Tayin had told you most yautja gave birth at home, aided by other females or a healer if needed. You, however, were going to give birth in Netaande’s clinic, given the risks and the endless possibilities of something going wrong through this process. No one truly knows what to expect, and you can imagine Netaande is beyond gleeful to have this experience. He’s been more than fascinated in your biology, the ways you differ from yautja, the possibilities of what this pregnancy means.

The four of you wait for another contraction to pass before deciding it’s time, Ute halfway to picking you up before you protest that you can walk. You may have to stop and take breaks, but you’re determined to have this one last moment of freedom before you’re ripped in half by an alien spawn.

The walk to the clinic takes longer than usual, even with how swollen you were towards the end. Ute hovers, hands outstretched like you might collapse at any moment. Tayin rolls her eyes, her and Ven’tea following leisurely behind you.

Eyes follow as you pass, children and adults alike watching as you make your way down the street to the clinic, hands clutching at your stomach as another contraction hits. You’re so ready for this to be over, so ready to have your body back, even if it means you’ll have a newborn to take care of.

Netaande is waiting for you at the front, speaking rapidly with Tayin and Ven’tea as he gets you comfortable inside. The metal table is far from a hospital bed, but it’s what you’ve got. It’s cold, though, nice against your heated skin. Ute hovers so much Netaande has to push him out of the way, forcing him into a seat across the room. He’s definitely not pouting, his eyes following the healer as he scans you, pressing against your stomach.

The waiting is the worst part. The contractions only grow more and more painful, your breaths coming in gasps as the pain ripples through you. They’re getting closer and closer together, only a couple of minutes passing between each. Ute has taken to pacing again, back and forth and back and forth. It’s annoying you, but you’re afraid of what he might take to doing should you make him stop. He might start chewing holes in the walls.

What happens next is a blur of pain.

You vaguely remember Netaande telling you to push, your body curling up off of the table as you bear down. Tayin and Ven’tea were voicing praises and motivation as you bore down, clutching Ute’s hand so tightly you thought you could feel his bones grinding together.

It was like being torn in half, the pain intense, unlike anything you’ve ever felt. Your entire body was aflame, too hot and too cold at the same time. You could feel it moving, sliding out of you like a slippery eel.

There’s no sound when its born, when she is born. No crying, only a weak sound before she’s placed on your chest, blood and fluid coated limbs flailing.

She looks like a yautja.

Mottled green skin, four mandibles flaring as her mouth seeks you. Small numbs protrude from the top of her head where her locs will grow in, tiny fingers with blunt claws reach into the air as she squirms.

Tayin takes over, guiding her mouth to your breast. She latches immediately, suckling until milk starts to seep out into her little mouth. She has no teeth, something you’re grateful for.

“Oh my god.” You breathe, holding her against your chest. Ute is staring down at you, blinking rapidly like he might cry. Can yautja cry? You’ve never thought about that before. “She’s so tiny.”

She is small, smaller than you expected her to be considering the size you had grown to. Tears blur your vision as you stare down at her, stroking her tiny cheek with your finger. Her skin is soft, not rough like Ute’s.

You’re completely unaware of what’s happening at the end of the table, entirely too focused on your little girl, which was probably a good thing.

Ute brushes her tiny arm with his finger, as if he’s trying to check she really is real.

“Look at her, Ute.” You say, sniffling quietly.

“She’s beautiful.” He says quietly, her hand wrapping around his finger. He’s careful not to cut her with his claw, letting her cling to him as she eats.

“Tiny.” Tayin says, staring down at her niece.

“That’s probably my fault.” You huff out a laugh. “My genes made her small.”

“She will grow.” Tayin says, brushing a finger over her head. “Bigger than you.”

“I hope so.” You smile, pulling her away once she’s done eating, letting Netaande clean her up and check her over.

You’re exhausted, laying back against the table that’s slick with your sweat, completely uncaring that your tits are hanging out. No one seems to care much, Ven’tea dabbing at your face with a cool cloth.

“I feel like I could sleep for a week.” You breathe, letting your eyes close for a moment. You’re aching, the pain coming back to you now that you don’t have the distraction of your baby.

You glance over to where she’s being swaddled in a blanket, clean of blood and fluid, her skin looking greener than it had before. Do their colors change as they age? More vibrant as children before fading as they get older? There’s so much you don’t know, so many other questions now that she’s really here.

“I have so many more questions.” You say, looking up at Tayin.

“I will answer.” She says, patting the top of your head.

Netaande puts your daughter back in your arms now that she’s clean, her eyes wide open as she stares up at you. Can she see right away or is she like a human baby, looking at a blurry world around her?

“Hi love.” You say softly, smiling down at her. “I didn’t think you’d be this cute.”

The nightmare image you had conjured is gone now that you have the truth before you. A yautja pup through and through, if a bit small.

“I think your daddy would like to hold you,” you say, a bit hesitant to let her go, but it’s only fair.

Ute looks unsure as you hold her out, almost hesitant to take her. You give him a reassuring smile as he takes her, her tiny form looking even smaller in his arms. He looks like he might cry again, more emotion in his eyes than you’ve ever seen before as he stares down at his daughter.

“What is her name?” Ven’tea asks.

A name. You hadn’t discussed names. The prospect had made it feel all too real. Now you have to name her. Now you have to come up with something to call her, something that will define her entire life.

“Dikea.” Ute says, saving you from trying to come up with something Yautja sounding.

“Dikea.” You say, trying it out on your tongue. “I like it.” You say, telling the truth. It’s a cute name, fitting for her little form. You reach out a finger, stroking her cheek. “Hello, Dikea.”

Taglist:

You fiddle with your skirt as you follow Ute down the street. Perhaps you should have worn your human clothes, even if they are a bit raggedy now. Was dressing like a yautja going to be seen as an affront? Would you be judged for trying to fit in too much? Get labeled as a try-hard? You have been trying to integrate yourself as much as you can, or at least as much as you’ve been allowed to, but what if this is too much? Maybe you should have gone for your ratty shirt and pants that barely fit.

The heat of the planet feels more oppressive today, still a bit exhausted from your brush with death. You wanted to put this off a bit longer, but Ute was insistent that you meet Tayin as soon as possible. You’re terrified, half wanting to delay it so you maybe you don’t have to do it, and half because you’re still weary and recovering. Maybe Tayin will be understanding and compassionate.

Maybe.

Ute leads you up to the door, your stomach twisting nervously as he knocks. You clasp your hands together, tugging at your fingers anxiously as you wait the few seconds it takes before the door slides open.

Tayin is an imposing figure in the doorway. Taller and broader than Ute, she takes up nearly the entire space. You tilt your head back to stare at her, gulping quietly. She glances at you before greeting Ute, patting his shoulder so hard hes forced half a step back. Fear fills you as you wonder if she’ll do the same to you, only you might go flying clear across the street.

Her gaze turns to you and you nervously clench your hands into fists at your sides. “It’s an honor to meet you.” You say, greeting her formally in the way Ute had taught you.

She huffs, looking down at you in silence for a moment before turning to Ute. “You’ve taught her well.”

“She needed to know if she was going to live here.” Ute says.

Tayin hums before turning. “Come.”

You share a glance with Ute before following her into the house.

It...looks more like a house than Ute’s. There’s décor on the walls, not just skulls. Paintings, carvings. There’s rugs all over the floor, and the scent of something cooking in the kitchen. Two children run past you, yelling as they race down the hall. In the living area there’s a young yautja, no older than a toddler playing on one of the rugs. The house is quaint, you would say, if one could describe alien architecture and interior design quaint. The home is bigger than Ute’s, but you assume that’s because Tayin spends all of her time here, with multiple children. Ute’s home was designed for someone who isn’t supposed to spend a lot of time there.

“I like your home.” You say, looking around. “It’s...nicer than Ute’s.”

Ute huffs, looking down at you with a growl. Tayin’s mandibles flex, an amused look flashing through her eyes.

“Not that your house isn’t nice,” You say to Ute, trying to defend yourself. “It’s just...this is more what I would call a home, by Earth’s standards.”

“The tiny human speaks true. Your home is good for...males.” Tayin says.

It takes you a second to realize she’s not only agreeing with you, but making a joke at Ute’s expense. You try to stifle a laugh, hiding your smile behind your hand. Ute looks between the two of you before letting out an annoyed huff.

“Allow your human to decorate.” Tayin says. “Maybe it will look like a proper home then.” She motions to the seating in the living room. “Sit.”

You do as she says, still biting back a smile as you move to sit on the couch. It’s comfortable, the cushion soft beneath you. Ute sits next to you, close enough his arm brushes yours. You’re still a bit nervous, clenching your fingers together in your lap.

Tayin brings over a tray with what looks like a kettle and cups on it. There’s a distinct herbal smell coming from it, a familiar one. She pours you and Ute a cup before straightening up.

“Te’Tei, Ita, come.” She calls out before pouring herself a cup.

The children from earlier come racing down the hallway again, sliding to a stop next to their mother. They stare at you curiously, the older one’s head tilting to the side.

Tayin puts a hand on the younger one’s head. “My daughter, Te’Tei, and my son, Ita.” She says.

“You’re a human.” Te’Tei says. She’s young, maybe six or seven by human years you guess. Her skin is a pale yellow with orange mottling, and dark locs hang down to her shoulders. She’s cute, a curious gleam in her bright yellow eyes.

“I am.” You say, giving her a smile.

Her head tilts further. “What are you doing with your face?”

Of course. They have no concept of human gestures. Even Ute had to learn a bit when you first arrived. “It’s a smile. It’s a friendly gesture for humans.”

“Oh.” She says. “Like this.” She gives you the yautja equivalent of a smile, something you’ve seen on Ute’s face when he’s amused by you.

“Exactly.” You say.

“If all humans are like you, then why do yautja hunt them?” Ita asks.

“Well, humans are all different. Some of them are bad, and deserve to be hunted.” You explain.

“I’m going to hunt humans when I’m old enough.” Ita says, standing up tall.

“Ita.” Tayin scolds him.

“It’s okay,” you say. “Just make sure you’re hunting the bad ones.”

“You’ll start training soon.” Ute says, looking him over.

“I’m almost big enough.” He says, puffing out his chest. “I’ll be a better hunter than you.”

Ute stands, flinging Ita over his shoulder. “I’d like to see you try!”

Ita squeals, kicking at Ute as he spins him around. Te’Tei jumps at Ute, trying to gang up on him. Ute collapses onto the floor, feigning defeat. You watch, amused, sipping at your tea.

“He’s always been good with children.” Tayin says, taking a seat.

“I’ve never seen him around them before.” You say, your hand coming to rest on your stomach as you watch Ute play with his niece and nephew.

Tayin stares down at your hand for a moment before she looks back at your face. “How did it happen?”

Ute must not have told her. Has he told any of his siblings? His mother? Or was it shame that kept him from revealing the truth? Would he be mad if you tell Tayin what happened? It was partially your story to tell after all.

You grimace. “It...wasn’t by our choosing. He was captured by the government I lived under, and I was taken not long after. They found out we were soulmates, and they wanted to do experiments on us. One of those was this.” You motion at your stomach. “They did it artificially. I didn’t even know it had happened until...well, until we got here and Ute told me.”

She’s quiet for a moment. “Would you have wanted it if things had happened differently?”

Ute rises from the floor, Te’Tei and Ita running off to play again. He moves back to the couch, sitting down next to you.

“I don’t know. I’d never really thought about having children. Humans are different, we don’t have mating seasons. Most of us mate for life, and not every couple decides to have children. It’s expected in some cultures, most societies have that standard that your purpose in life is to have children, bring in the next generation, but a lot of people have turned against that idea recently.” You explain. “For a lot of reasons.” Ute takes your hand, wrapping his fingers around yours. “Even if things had been different for us, I’m not sure if we would have had children.”

“There have been complications.” Ute says.

Tayin shifts in her seat. “What complications?”

“She needs my blood to survive here. That’s how they got her pregnant in the first place. They gave her my blood. We almost lost the pup because she needed more of my blood.” He explains.

“How did that make you feel?” Tayin asks.

You suddenly feel like you’re in a therapy session.

“I was terrified.” You admit honestly. “The thought of losing it...even though I’m not sure I want it...I can’t stand the thought of losing it.”

“Him.” Tayin says.

Your gaze snaps up to her. “What?”

“The way you carry. It’s a boy.” She says simply.

“Oh,” You say. You haven’t even thought of its gender. It’s not even really a baby to you yet. “Humans say the same thing, you can guess gender by how the baby sits.”

“I’m never wrong.” She says, taking a drink of her tea.

You do the same, savoring the herbal taste of it. It’s calming your nerves, along with the ease of conversation that’s flowing between you. Tayin is straightforward, but not unkind, at least so far. You might even grow to like her, as a sister-in-law.

“You have questions.” She says, staring at you.

“Many.” You say, holding the cup between your hands.

“I will answer.” She says, leaning back in her seat.

A barrage of questions flows from your mouth before you can stop them. How long do yautja pregnancies last, what is birthing like, what if something goes wrong during that process, how big the baby might be, if she thinks you can even deliver naturally. Other questions about the baby. What it’s first year might be like, if you’ll be able to even feed it properly. She’s patient with you, explaining everything the best she can, even with the differences between your anatomy and physiology.

The best you can do is guess for some questions, but it’s relieving to have someone to at least voice them to. Someone with firsthand experience who isn’t going to sugarcoat anything.

From her answers, the best you can guess is around 10 months yautja time, and no, you’re not going to die in childbirth. It’ll hurt like hell, and you might need the yautja equivalent of a c-section, but you’ll live, and so will your pup.

Even if it does need infusions of its father’s blood every few months for the rest of its life.

As the three of you talk, the third child, the toddler crawls over to you. It puts a tiny hand on your leg, blunt claws digging into your skin as it uses you to pull itself up to stand.

Tayin takes notice, giving the toddler a soft look. “Nako.” She says. “My youngest son.”

You pull him up into your lap. He’s heavier than you expected, more solid than a human toddler around his age would be. He immediately grabs hold of one of your braids, but he doesn’t tug on it, just holds it in his tiny hand. “He’s cute.” You say, staring at his little face, his tiny mandibles pulled tight over his mouth.

For just a moment, you can imagine your own spawn, so tiny and cute in your arms. That image fades, though, as the thought of your misshapen half-human/half-yautja spawn comes forward. Your ugly son. Maybe. Will you still be able to love it even if it looks like some nightmare alien?

“You will eat with us.” Tayin says, standing from her seat. It’s not an offer, or a question. You’re going to have lunch with them whether you like it or not.

The six of you settle at the table, Tayin holding Nako in her arms as you eat a delicious stew. It’s almost pink in color, but it doesn’t put you off because the smell. You haven’t smelled something that delicious in a long time. No offense to Ute. Well, maybe a little.

You’ll have to get a recipe.

It tastes just as good as it smells, warming you to your very core. The slight weariness that had clung to you is washed away, a cozy feeling left behind. You can imagine eating this on a cold winter’s night, all bundled up under a blanket while it snows outside. You’d almost call it healing.

God, you love Tayin already and you’ve known her formally for a couple of hours.

The two of you stay with them into the afternoon, talking and learning about each other. You’re coming to like Tayin the more time you spend with her. She’s very blunt and straight-forward, but she’s not above teasing Ute mercilessly. He takes it like a good brother, only grumbling under his breath. You’re amused, taking notes on how to pester him when you inevitably get annoyed by his presence.

The two of you leave around mid-afternoon, carrying more tea and the leftover stew with you.

“I think that went well.” You say. “I like Tayin.”

“I am glad.” He says, glancing down at you. “I have a feeling I am about to regret this.”

You giggle, shaking your head. “I mean, I wouldn’t say regret...maybe. I feel like we are going to be very good friends.”

Ute grunts, leading you back to his house.

This is going to be the start of a very wonderful friendship, you feel.

****

“Ute?” You murmur. It’s the middle of the night, but as is becoming normal, you can’t sleep.

You have your back to him, arms cradling your stomach as you try desperately to ignore the craving eating away at your brain.

“Ute.” You reach backwards, poking at his arm.

He grunts, shoving away your hand.

“Ute, do yautja have cheese?” You ask.

“Cheese?” He grumbles, rolling over.

You sigh. “I’ll take that as a no then.” Tears brim in your eyes. “Fuck, I just really want a cheeseburger. McDonald’s has a franchise in like almost every country, why can’t they be in space too?” You sniffle. “Is there a space-equivalent of McDonald’s? I can’t imagine they’d sell a cheeseburger, though. Ugh. You aliens need to get with it.”

You bury your face in your pillow, letting out a sigh. Ute shifts behind you, scooting closer. His rough fingers trail along your arm, the sharp claws tickling your skin. Goosebumps erupt on your arm, a shiver running down your spine.

“You’re not going to distract me with sex.” You murmur, voice slightly muffled by the pillow.

“No sex. Still trying to figure out...cheeseburger.” He says.

You huff out a laugh, turning over onto your back. “It’s a food. It’s ground meat shaped into a circle and then cooked. It’s served usually with cheese on top, then between two pieces of bread. Toppings vary, but like pickles, lettuce, tomato, mayonnaise, mustard, ketchup. Sometimes onions, but I’m not really a fan of those. Then it’s served with some fries on the side.” You let out a groan. “Some hot, salty fries. Ugh.” You cover your face with your hands. “It’s not fair. Why do I have to have cravings for things I can’t have.”

Ute rolls over onto his back next to you. “Cheese.”

You laugh, fighting back tears. “It’s made from milk. I couldn’t tell you how, though.” You sniffle. “I can’t even make bread. Fuck, I’m useless.”

“No.” Ute says, turning to face you again. “You’re a human.”

“That’s not much better.” You sniffle.

He cups your cheek, stroking it with his thumb. “You sleep. I will figure out cheese.”

You grab his arm before he can get up. “At least wait until morning. I’ll be fine.”

He huffs but lets you tug him back down. He rolls onto his side, and you roll against him, tucking yourself into his chest. It’s getting harder with your growing belly, but you’re figuring it out. You can’t wait to not have that obstacle anymore, but that will mean you have an infant to contend with.

You’re not quite ready for that reality yet.

****

Ute is gone when you wake, but it doesn’t worry you very much. He’s likely gone to the market, to see if he can find something cheese-adjacent, or perhaps someone that could figure out how to make cheese. The thought of him trying to explain cheese to another yautja brings a smile to your face. He’s not even quite sure what cheese is himself.

It’s touching, though, that he would go to such lengths for you and your cravings for human food. He even got his brother to go and get you a case of Dr. Pepper from Earth. You’ve been savoring them, only drinking them when the cravings get so loud they make you cry. Every craving has been making you cry, but some of them are particularly bad.

Ute doesn’t know what to do with you sometimes, and it almost makes you laugh through the tears. He’d probably be this awkward around a yautja female too. Your poor inexperienced alien soulmate.

You rise from the bed, heading into the bathroom before you start on breakfast. There’s no telling how long Ute will be, and you’re too hungry to wait for him to come back. He’ll eat when he gets home, if he hasn’t eaten already.

Home.

That’s such an odd word for this place still, at least to you. It doesn’t feel like a home. Tayin was right, it needs decoration. The skulls are nice, but it needs more. It needs some warmth to make it more home-like. How you wish to go to the market, browse what they sell, see yautja-craft firsthand. They’re not just brutal hunters, there’s an entire society and culture as well. You need to convince Ute to take you, at least while you have the safety of your pregnancy to stop anyone from trying anything. And before you lose the will to move because your ankles are swollen and you’re carrying eight pounds of baby. Maybe more.

It’s already heavy and you’ve still got at least four months to go.

He. He’s heavy. If Tayin is right and you’re carrying a boy. You trust her and her judgment, if she’s as experienced as she let on. She already has grown children who hunt on their own. They’re young hunters, but they’ve already proven themselves. Will that be your child someday, if it is indeed a boy? Could you allow your son to hunting like that, knowing he might never return? Or would preventing him from hunting make him more of an outsider than he already will be?

So much to think about, and so little time to make those decisions.

You grab a piece of fruit for breakfast, settling in a chair to wait for Ute to return with his spoils. More meat, some vegetables, maybe the makings for a cheeseburger. God you hope that’s the case, even if it is a foolish dream.

Ute does return roughly an hour later with his usual crate of supplies. He unloads it on the table as you peer over his arm curiously. There’s different kinds of meat this time, something that almost looks like…

Ground beef.

He sets a cloth-wrapped package on the table next before pulling out some usual vegetables and other supplies.

“Is that…”

“Cheeseburger.” He says, untying the cloth package to reveal buns. Not the type of hamburger bun you’re used to, but you can tell exactly what it is. “No cheese, but burger.”

Tears flow down your cheeks before you can stop them and you nearly knock him off his feet from how hard you hug him. “Thank you, thank you, thank you.” You cry, clinging to him tightly. “You’re the best man that’s ever existed, I hope you know that.”

He huffs, wrapping his arms around you. His mandibles brush your forehead as you cling to him, face pressed tight against his chest. You’re wetting his skin with your tears but you don’t care, beyond touched by his effort to get you at least an attempt at a burger.

And attempt it you do.

You don’t even wait for dinner, instead diving right in for lunch. You’re far too excited to put it off, heading for the kitchen with the ingredients. You direction Ute to make the patties and get them on the stove as you work on toasting the buns. An idea forms in your head as you grab one of the root vegetables that’s reminiscent of a potato. Will it work? You’re not sure but it’s worth a try. You chop it up before putting your makeshift in the oven, letting them get crispy.

You’re so excited. You haven’t been this excited since you got your Dr. Pepper. An ice cold Dr. Pepper with a burger. Yeah. You’re definitely sucking Ute’s dick tonight.

You assemble the burgers once they’re cooked. You’ll have to go without ketchup and mayonnaise, but you use the sort of condiment-adjacent sauce in Ute’s fridge. It’s tasty enough for its purpose. The fries come out perfectly and you plate them up as well, carrying the plates to the table.

You sit across from Ute, your stomach grumbling audibly. “It’s not authentic, but it’s the closest you’re going to get to having your first burger.” You say, picking yours up.

You might be in heaven as you take the first bite. It doesn’t taste like beef, and the bread isn’t as soft as a bun, but it’s perfect. It’s fulfilling that desire for a burger, the need to eat round meat in bread. Cheese would have made it perfect, but you’re happy enough with it the way it is.

A moan slips out as you eat, your eyes closed in bliss. “Ute, I’m going to suck the soul right out of you later.”

He stills, and you can just imagine the look on his face at your words. He has no idea what’s coming for him.

“Do you like it?” You ask, looking at him. He’s eaten about half of it.

He nods. “Very good. Strange, but good.”

You laugh. “I suppose it would be, when you’re not used to eating food like this. I’ll have to get creative and see what other Earth foods I can make with what we’ve got. I’m sure I could come up with some things.” You take another bite. “I’m definitely introducing our child to Earth foods.”

You clear your plate, eating every last little crumb. You feel full and satisfied, that gnawing craving gone for the time being. This might have to become a regular thing, even after you give birth. A little taste of home, or as close as you can get to it in an alien world.

Ute does the dishes, and you at least wait until he’s done before you grab his wrist, tugging him towards the bedroom. You fully intend to keep your promise. They’ll be nothing left of him by the time you’re done.

NEXT ->

The air outside is thin. Too thin. It stings your lungs, wheezing gasps leaving your lips. You can’t get enough air, gasping like a fish out of water.

The jostling of your body does little to ease the pain in your stomach as Ute runs down the street to the healer’s. You clutch at your belly, vision fading in and out as you stare up at the blurry stars above.

The night sky blurs into a metal ceiling as Ute enters the healer’s clinic, laying you on the cold table. It only intensifies your shaking, the cold biting into your sweat soaked skin. Your fingers and toes are tingling, another wave of pain washing over you.

The healer, you’ve never learned his name you realize, stands over you, scanning you. He and Ute are speaking, but you can’t get your mind to translate. You can barely breathe, much less think.

Your vision starts to blur as you grip Ute’s wrist weakly, shaking violently. “Please,” you gasp, tears trailing down your cheeks. “I can’t breathe.” You sob, your lungs aching in desperate need of oxygen. “Ute, help me.”

There’s a painful prick on your arm but you hardly notice it, starting to fade in and out of consciousness. Something slick dribbles between your thighs, your hand weakly reaching down to desperately feel what the warm liquid is. You bring your hand to your face, another sob leaving your lips as you stare at the red liquid coating your fingers.

****

Fear isn’t something he feels often. Hardly at all, usually. He’s confident in his abilities to care for himself, to defend himself if needed. Like most yautja, he went into every situation believing he would make it out the other side simply because he was capable.

Then you came into his life.

Then he suddenly had something to fear for.

His heart is thudding hard in his chest, an uncomfortable feeling welling in his stomach. Its twisting and gnawing at him, his fingers starting to tremble as he stares at you helplessly.

“Help her.” He snarls, his muscles starting to clench with adrenaline as he stares at the red on your fingers.

“I am doing what I can.” Netaande says calmly, tapping away at his screens. “She is very sick and I am trying to figure out why.”

Your lips have started to go blue as you gasp for air, still trembling on the table as he stands there, unable to do anything but hold your hand.The metallic scent of blood is filling the air, the red human blood starting to form a small pool between your thighs, streaking across your clammy skin.

You’re going to lose the pup.

Was this inevitable? Was the pregnancy always going to end this way, simply taking this long for your body to wear out? Was his pup becoming too much, growing to the point your body can’t take it anymore, can’t sustain it?

He feels like cursing, driving his hand into the wall until it bleeds. He’s never really put much thought into being a father, certainly not in this way. The knowledge that his pup was growing in your stomach still felt surreal. He hadn’t quite grasped the true reality of what was happening. Neither of you had really talked about the pup. Sat down and had a real conversation about what it means, what is going to happen after. It was like it wasn’t even happening, except it was developing right before his eyes.

Now that he’s faced with the reality that he might lose the pup, lose you, it all feels very real.

Your grip around his wrist loosens, nearly sliding away but he grabs your hand, tucking it into his. He can feel your pulse beneath his fingers fluttering too fast, too weak. He needs to do something, anything.

“Of course.” Netaande says, shaking his head. “Come, Ute, I need your help.”

“Anything.” He says, releasing your hand reluctantly.

Netaande pulls a chair to the end of the table, motioning for him to sit. “Her body has nearly processed out all of the blood she was given from you. That’s why she’s been able to survive here, why the pregnancy has been viable.”

“You’re going to give her more blood?” Ute says, looking up at the healer as he prepares a syringe. “Will it work?”

“It is worth a try.” Netaande says, poking the syringe through Ute’s skin into his vein to draw blood. “Otherwise I cannot find what else could be wrong. She was in perfect health before this?”

“Seemed like it.” He says, thinking back. You hadn’t seemed even a bit sick earlier this morning. You’ve been fine for the last few weeks, or at least you were very good at pretending to be. He doubts you’d hide something like this from him, even if you didn’t know what was happening.

Netaande draws a good amount of blood before transferring it to a different syringe. You don’t react as he injects you with it, your eyes closed as you wheeze on the table. He can see the blood between your legs from this angle, quickly pooling under you. You’re bare, Ute not even thinking about any coverings in his race to get you here as quickly as possible.

“Will this save the pup?” He asks, watching Netaande dispose of the syringes.

“We will have to wait and see.” He says.

Ute lets out a heavy breath, staring at the blood. “Save her. If it comes to it, save her.”

He doesn’t know if you’d be angry at him for making that decision. You’ve never voiced your opinion on the pup openly. Like him it seemed you existed in a haze of reality, of what was truly happening. No doubt you’d feel something for the loss of your pup, just as he would, but you were far more important. There could be others, if his blood truly was the answer. Yautja always put the mother over the pup. The bearer was more important than a single pup.

The thought of losing you after just finding you has his heart clenching, solidifying that jealous decision to save you.

It feels like hours creeping by as he sits there, watching you as Netaande monitors your vitals. He’d thrown a blanket over you to try and keep you warm, your shivers slowly subsiding.

Slowly your breaths begin to even out, the horrible wheezing quieting. He rises from his seat, moving to your head. He cups your cheek, feeling the strong exhales against his skin, your own skin growing warmer. Your eyes are still closed, skin still sweaty but you’re beginning to look more alive than you had just a few minutes ago.

Netaande scans your stomach, mandibles pulled tight against his mouth in concentration. Ute can’t read his face beyond that, desperately looking for any sign, good or bad. He presses a button, a rapid thumping sound filling the air. Ute tilts his head, looking at the screen.

“Is that…” Your voice is weak, strained as you roll your head to the side.

“The heartbeat is strong.” Netaande says. “The pup is well.”

You lift a hand, pressing it against the side of your stomach. “Is it going to live?”

“Yes.” Netaande says.

A sigh leaves your lips and your eyes slip closed again. Relief floods through Ute, the violent twisting in his stomach lessening at the news that his pup would be alright. His pup will live and so will you.

“We now have a timeline, basing on our best judgment of when she was given your blood the first time, of how long it will stay in her body. She will need regular infusions, even after the pup is born, if she is going to live here.” Netaande says, moving back to his screens.

“Whatever it takes.” Ute says, staring down at you. His heart is still thumping hard in his chest from how close he came to almost losing you, and all over something none of them had thought of.

He brushes the hair from your face, smoothing his thumb across your sweat-soaked skin. He’s never been so grateful to see your chest rising and falling evenly, to hear your quiet breaths. Things he took for granted back when he thought you could exist here unaided. Your fragile human body was not as adaptive as his, and he hopes to never hear those wheezing breaths again, even if it means you need his blood for the rest of your life.

He’ll gladly give it to you, and your pup should it need it too.

You sleep well into the morning, Netaande keeping you to ensure the infusion had worked and you weren’t going to deteriorate again. Ute sits dutifully by your side, watching every slow rise and fall of your chest.

He carries you back to his home once Netaande is satisfied, your body still wrapped in the blanket. He’s bare to the world but he doesn’t care, ignoring the looks the two of you get as he walks the short distance back to his home. How lucky he was to live so close. Would you have made it had he lived further away?

He deposits you back in bed as you slumber on, not even waking as he cleans the blood from your skin. Netaande had told him not to worry, that you need rest, but he still cannot help himself from sitting and watching you, wondering when you will wake.

****

You feel like you’ve been hit by a bus. Your entire body aches, even your head throbbing. There’s an uncomfortable pressure in your stomach, compressing on your spine. You roll to the side, letting out a groan. A warm, rough hand smooths the hair from your face, tucking it behind your ear. Your mouth is dry, painfully dry, as you lick your lips.

“Ute?” You whisper, your voice cracking.

“I am here.” His deep voice rumbles.

“Water.” You murmur, a shiver running down your spine making you pull the blanket over you closer. It’s rough and heavy, but it’s warm.

The presence in front of you disappears, leaving you feeling cold and empty. You want to sleep more, to sleep for the rest of time. You have no idea what time it is, what day it is, but it still doesn’t feel like enough. Exhaustion pulls heavy at your limbs, your entire body, your very soul.

Ute returns, slipping an arm around your shoulders before easing you up into a seated position. You still haven’t opened your eyes, the small motion feeling like too much in your current state.

Cool water hits your lips and you drink greedily, easing the dry feeling in your throat. You lift a hand, holding the side of the cup like a baby as Ute helps you drink.

Baby.

You drop your hand to your stomach, feeling the swell of it still. “Is it…” You ask as Ute pulls the empty cup away.

“Healthy.” He says, easing you back down onto the bed.

You roll back onto your side, relieved by the news. Your baby is okay. Whatever happened to you hadn’t harmed it.

You barely remember it, the memories hazy. Pain, being unable to breathe, panic setting in that you might not wake up if you gave into the darkness pulling at your mind. You’d been unable to help it, the darkness taking over. You’ve woken up, though, exhausted but you feel better. The air doesn’t feel too thin, the pain is gone, only an ache in your muscles left behind.

And the exhaustion.

You let out a breath, reaching out for Ute. His hand finds yours, long fingers wrapping around it. You hold onto him, sleep starting to tug at your brain again.

“Ute?” You whisper, and he grunts in response. “I’m going to sleep more now.”

The words are slurred, sleep taking you once more.

****

It’s dark when you wake again. You’re drowsy, mind foggy and slow. It’s hot, sweat slicking your crevices as you toss the fur on top of you off. Everything feels a bit unreal, like you really might have died in your sleep. A body stirs in front of you, a hand reaching out to run along your arm. You groan, your mouth feeling dry again.

“Ute?” You whisper, the large form in front of you stirring.

“I am here.” He says quietly, his fingers tracing patterns on your arm.

“How long have I been asleep?” You ask, reaching forward to brush your fingers along his chest. He’s really real. You didn’t die in your sleep and pass on to some distant plane of existence.

“All day.” He says.

You groan, pulling your hand away from his chest to rub at your eyes. “I feel like I slept for a year.” You smack your lips. “Could you get more more water?”

He grunts, rolling over before standing, heading into the kitchen in the dark. You yawn, wiping the sweat from your brow. Your limbs feel heavy, your entire body fatigued despite the rest you just got. You could sleep more, but you know you shouldn’t. Too much sleep might do more harm than good.

Ute returns with a cup of water, sitting on the edge of the bed before helping you up. You lean against him, letting him hold the cup for you again. The cold water is like a blessing against your dry mouth, and you gulp it down greedily until your stomach aches.

That’s something else you’ll need to do, but you push aside that thought for now.

Ute sets the empty cup on the nightstand once you’ve finished drinking before easing you back down on the bed. You put your hands on either side of your stomach, pressing in slightly to see if you can feel your spawn.

“We almost lost it, didn’t we.” You say, rubbing your hands over your stomach.

“Almost lost you.” He says, putting his hand atop yours.

“What happened?”

“You needed my blood. Netaande said that’s what’s been allowing you to survive here.” He says.

“Oh.” You say quietly, stroking your thumb across your skin. His blood really has that much of an effect on your body, that it’s changing your biology to be able to survive this planet, be able to play host to his spawn. “Well, at least we know how often I need an infusion now. So we can avoid this happening again.”

His hand flexes on top of yours. “I will gladly give my blood for you, and for our pup.”

Right. You have no idea if your spawn will be able to live on this planet as well. How much like you is it going to be? How much like Ute? The mental images of the half yautja/half human monstrosity flash through your mind again. You don’t know what you’re carrying, what this thing is going to look like, if it will even be compatible with life. For all you know it’ll die a few minutes after its born.

That thought has something tugging in your chest.

You don’t want to give it more thought.

“Ute?” You murmur, rolling back over onto your side to take the pressure off your spine. His hand slides around to your back, pressing against the sweaty skin there. He lets out a huff, his breath fanning across your forehead. “Will you make me something to eat?”

You’re not really hungry, but you know after a day of doing nothing but sleeping you should get some sustenance. If not for you, then your growing spawn.

“Yes.” He says, his mandibles brushing your forehead for a moment before he rises, heading back to the kitchen.

You lay in bed watching him out the open door. You’re not sure what time it is. Late enough to still be dark, or perhaps early enough, depending on one’s point of view. Has Ute been up this whole time? Has he eaten at all himself? Has he even left your side? It’s sweet, that he was so worried for you, but you wish he wouldn’t have had to be worried in the first place. If only you knew that would happen, if you thought the symptoms you had been feeling were not just pregnancy related. You should have said something sooner. You could have avoided this, avoided almost losing your baby.

Ute comes back with a plate of food. Soft fruits and vegetables and a bit of meat. He helps you sit before placing the plate in your lap, sitting on the bed next to you.

“Have you eaten.” You ask, looking at him.

“I’ll be fine.” That’s not an answer.

“Ute, please. I’ll feel better if you’re taking care of yourself as well.” You say.

He huffs, giving you a long look to which you return a determined one. He grunts, giving in as he rises from the bed, heading towards the kitchen once more.

Once you’re satisfied that he’s making himself some food you dig into your own plate, starting with the fruits, testing how they’re going to settle on your stomach first.

Ute returns a few moments later with his own plate, joining you on the bed. The two of you eat in silence, your bites small and slow. Ute doesn’t look like he wants to eat either, the two of you doing so to appease each other.

Ute takes your plate once you’re finished, not quite clearing it. You avoided the meat after the uncomfortable ache in your stomach from just the fruits and vegetables. Ute eats the meat for you, before taking the plates back to the kitchen. You stay reclined against the headboard, tilting your head back to stare at the ceiling. You should talk about it. You know you should. That you’ve put it off for this long…you should have done it sooner.

“Ute?” You ask quietly, still staring at the ceiling when he returns. The bed dips as he joins you again, laying out facing you, his head propped on his arm. You bite your lip, questioning if you should even bring this up, if now is the right time for it, after what you just went through. It might be the perfect time, though. You might chicken out if you try to push it later. “Ute...Do you want this...this baby?”

He’s silent for a long while, the house quiet except for the quiet hum of electronics and his breathing. You still haven’t looked at him, still staring at the ceiling like a coward. Tears prick your eyes as the silence stretches on, your hands coming to rest on the bump.

“I’ve never...thought about it.” He finally says, his voice low. His hand comes to rest over yours. “Do you want it?”

You swallow thickly, trying to push back the tears. “I don’t know. I’ve never wanted children, never really put much thought into it. Typically you’d get married before you consider that, but I guess you don’t really have to if you don’t want to. People have children without being married all the time. Accidental children, planned children.” You sniffle. “I mean...what would we even do if we decided not to...do yautja have like an adoption system or something? I mean, who would we even...give it to?” You wince at the words, unsure how else to convey that meaning to him.

“Tayin.” He says, stroking your stomach. “She would take it.”

“I don’t think so.” You snort. “She doesn’t exactly like me, why would she take a half-human yautja?”

“She doesn’t not like you.” He says, looking up at you but you have yet to look at him. “She is...unsure. Protective. She’s never been around humans before. Only heard stories.”

“And I assume those stories don’t exactly paint us in the best light, right?” You say, finally looking down at your stomach. You let out a sigh. “I just don’t know what to do.” The words catch in your throat, your voice breaking. “I want to not want it, I want to stick to my beliefs, but last night...the thought of almost losing it…” You let out a long breath. “I don’t know anymore. I don’t know shit about being a mom. It’s supposed to come naturally, I guess, but I don’t exactly think of myself as being the most maternal.” You wince, a tear sliding down your cheek. “Maybe if my parents had been better...I would have learned something. Then again, I never thought I’d be kidnapped by a government organization and forcibly impregnated with an alien baby.”

Ute wraps his arms around you, pulling you into his chest. The tears start falling before you can stop them, the exhaustion of the last day hitting you. You almost died, you almost lost your baby, a baby you’re not even sure you want, and it would have been your fault.

“We’re gonna be okay right?” You whimper, tucking yourself further against his chest.

“Yes.” He says, his mandibles brushing the top of your head. “I will take you to Tayin. She will help.”

Your eyes widen, your heart starting to pound with nerves. “What?”

“Tomorrow. You will meet Tayin.” He says with finality.

You don’t have it in you to argue, not right now, despite the nerves and apprehension. How will Tayin take this news that she’s now going to be properly introduced to you and brought into your lives? Ute’s brothers and his mother don’t seem to mind you, but there’s something inherently intimidating at the prospect of meeting Tayin. Perhaps it’s your own bias, since she’s the only member of his family you have yet to officially meet. And, at least to you, she seems the least likely to agree to your existence in Ute’s life.

Perhaps it really is all in your head, your own mind making up a story to explain her absence and hesitation. Perhaps she’s just as intimidated...no. From the little you’ve seen of her there’s no way she could be intimidated by you. A puny little human against a giant female yautja? She could probably squish you like a bug and not even break a sweat. She’s ignored your existence so far, perhaps because of her own biases. If most members of the clan only have limited experience with humans outside of being prey, you can understand their hesitance to accept your presence here.

If all they have to go off of is stories...you can imagine why they’re against your being here among them. Who knows what kind of atrocities they’ve heard of.

Ute holds you, even as the sun starts to rise, the two of you lingering in a contemplative state. You have a lot to think about over the next four, or maybe more or less, months until your baby arrives. There’s so many unknowns, so many things that could happen between then and now, and even beyond. You wish you had all of the answers, but you don’t, and that bothers you more than anything.

NEXT ->

Taglist:

It’s warm when you wake.

Warmer than normal.

For a moment you’re worried you may be running a fever as you blearily lift a hand to wipe the sweat from your brow. Your elbow bumps something as you lower your hand, your fingers trailing down an arm thrown over your side. Right. It’s not a fever.

It’s Ute.

He’s pressed up against your back, breaths hot against your shoulder. His arm is thrown over you, caging you up against his chest. His body is putting off heat like a furnace, already adding to the natural warm temperature in the house. You’re sweating in all of your creases.

You drive an elbow back into him, trying to shove him off of you. “Ute.” You say, bracing yourself against the mattress before shoving your body backwards.

He rolls off of you with a snore, flopping over onto his back. You let out a breath, uncurling your body to allow the warm air in the room to wash over you. It has goosebumps forming on your skin, the sudden loss of warmth and the sudden air against your sweaty skin, but you revel in it. You’re suffocating in the warmth, only made worse by the heavy belly weighing you down.

The heavy belly putting pressure on your bladder.

You sigh, sitting up on the bed, wiping sleep from your eyes. You’ve lost the ability to sleep through the night, getting up often to use the bathroom or because you’ve been in one position too long.

You’ve calculated based on your best guess that you’re close to five months along now. The days are different here, but you’ve been keeping a tally and based on earth time that’s the closest guess you can give. You can’t know for sure. The yautja have never had to care for a pregnant human before. Their knowledge of human healthcare is little, if any, based entirely on what the healer can figure out in the moment. He was smart enough to deduce that you needed iron in your diet, but what else can he figure out on his own should something go wrong?

Your own lack of knowledge keeps you up at night, along with your stubborn bladder and achy body.

You exit the bathroom once you’re finished, leaning against the door frame for a moment. Ute still lays spread out on the bed on his back, rumbling snores leaving his mouth. The sky is starting to lighten outside, the short night almost through. Instead of returning to bed, you head out to the kitchen.

In one of the drawers you pull out a small bag of herbs before boiling some water. The tea was a gift from Ute’s sister, Tayin. You still have yet to meet her, but she had dropped of a few things for Ute, and with it had been a small bag of the dried herbs. It took you both some time to figure out they were tea leaves, or the yautja equivalent. There had been some hesitation there at first. Was it safe for you? What if it harmed you or the baby?

After a small test, you found it was actually quite pleasant. The taste is earthy, and it eased the discomfort and aches that have started plaguing you as your spawn grows.

You’ve chosen to view it as an olive branch of sorts. She may not approve of you, but she cares enough to offer some help. You wonder just how much she knows of your situation. She obviously knows you’re Ute’s soulmate, but you wonder if he’s told her you didn’t choose to get pregnant. Neither of you really had a hand in it at all. The government had decided that for you, simply because they could.

What was their end goal anyway? To prove it could be done? To try and breed some new human-alien hybrid super soldier? Whatever the reason, you’re glad you and Ute got away. Even if it meant leaving Earth behind forever, you’d take it over having to constantly be on the run from the government.

You carry your mug of tea to the table once it’s done steeping, staring down into the amber liquid. Ute is still snoring away in bed. He’ll sleep for another hour, maybe a little more. You’re up for the day, though perhaps you might sneak a nap later, should your body agree. You’re at the mercy of your body and the spawn growing inside of you.

As you predicted, Ute is up almost an hour later. He glances out the doorway, huffing at you before going to the bathroom. You’ve finished your tea and rinsed the cup, now tapping away at the tablet, practicing more and more of the yautja language. You’re getting good at it, understanding more and more of it, though some of the nuances are lost on you still.

“You’re up early.” Ute says, entering the kitchen.

“Your pup keeps me up.” You say, patting your rounded belly. “Makes it hard to settle for long. Back and forth, to the bathroom, my back hurts, my hips hurt, you’re hotter than...a fucking furnace. Everything is uncomfortable and I still have four more months to go and it’s only going to get worse.” Tears are pooling in your eyes and you can’t stop them. “And I just really want a Dr. Pepper right now.”

Ute stands there awkwardly, hands curling and uncurling into fists. He shifts on his feet as you hastily wipe the tears falling from your cheeks. “What is…Dr. Pepper?”

You sniffle, huffing out a laugh. “It’s a soda. A...carbonated...fizzy drink. Mostly sugar but...it’s like a treat that humans drink.”

Ute tilts his head up, and you wonder if he understood any of that, if he can even conceptualize soda. You doubt they have anything close here. Yautja don’t seem like the type to enjoy carbonated beverages. Tea had been shocking enough to you.

Ute hums before heading back into the kitchen. For half a moment your pregnancy-addled brain expects him to pop open the fridge and pull out an ice cold Dr. Pepper but instead he just pulls out vegetables.

It makes you want to cry again.

You’re not really hungry, but you eat for Ute’s sake, not wanting to worry him more than you know he already is. He’s entirely unprepared for the hormonal mess you’ve become, for the aches and pains that you complain about. Males don’t have much to do with pregnancy, birth, and raising children. They only step in once the boys are old enough to start training. They’re usually away after breeding season, off hunting while the women labor and deliver and rear.

You wouldn’t expect him to have much knowledge on the subject anyway, and that’s only aided by the fact he’s never done this before. Everything, including sex, had been entirely new to him. The fact you had gotten pregnant before you’d even had sex had only complicated things.

The overwhelming thoughts make you want to cry.

“Do you get bored staying here?”You ask him as the two of you finish breakfast. “I mean, not going off hunting?”

He’s quiet for a moment, mandibles twitching. He’s thinking of how to answer without hurting you, you can tell.

“You can answer honestly. It won’t hurt my feelings.” You say, even though it might just a bit.

“Hunting is the most important thing.” He finally says. “But the pup is more important.”

You hum, staring up at him. “Would you say the same thing if I were a yautja?”

He’s quiet again, mandibles pulled tight over his mouth. You can see it in his eyes before he says it, the decision he would have made had you been anything but human. “No. But…” He sighs. “Complicated.”

“It’s because they don’t like me being here.” You say, picking up what he’s putting down.

He grunts. “I’d hunt for you. Bring you back trophies you deserve. But I can’t leave you.”

The thought of you forcing him to be here instead of doing what he wants to do has tears brimming in your eyes. It’s because of you he’s stuck here, forced to play a role he wouldn’t have played otherwise.

“I’m sorry.” You sniffle, a tear sliding down your cheek. “I’m sorry this has to be so...fucking complicated.” You hastily wipe the tear from your cheek. “There was no way this was going to be easy. We couldn’t have stayed on Earth. They would have just thrown us in a lab again. And being here...the members of your clan don’t like me, they don’t approve of me being here. You’re a social pariah now because of me.”

“I don’t know what that means.” He says.

“An outcast.” You say, sniffling. “Someone looked down upon because you’re different than everyone else.”

“Always was.” He says, shrugging. “I refused to mate. They always thought me different.”

“You could have.” You say, reaching over the table to take his hand. “It wouldn’t have bothered me.”

“I wanted to wait for you.” He says, his fingers squeezing around yours gently. “No matter who you turned out to be.”

More tears slide down your cheeks, a laugh huffing from your lips. “You’re so sweet. My sweet yautja mate. I don’t think that sentence has ever been said before.”

“Yautja don’t use sweet. We are not sweet.” He says.

You laugh despite the tears still falling. “Well, you are at least.”

He reaches across the table, swiping at your cheek with his thumb. “No cry.”

“I can’t help it.” You sniffle. “Pregnancy hormones. I’ll be fine in a bit.”

He rumbles low in his chest before he pulls back, gathering your plate.

“I still want that Dr. Pepper.” You say, laughing through the still falling tears.

****

Two weeks pass in routine, you and Ute going about your day, treading lightly around your hormonal mood swings. You can’t help it, crying at the drop of a hat, getting irrationally angry at the smallest things. You kicked him out of bed halfway through the night one night because he was breathing too loud. You felt terrible afterward, but he hadn’t taken any offense. If anything, he’s taking your mood swings better than you are.

It’s just after lunch when a visitor arrives, knocking at the front door. You glance at Ute but he doesn’t seem tense or even surprised. You set your tablet aside as he opens the door, Ako standing on the other side, holding something in his hands.

Ute lets him in and you stand to greet him, your eyes dropping to what he’s holding.

“Oh my god.” You say, tears welling in your eyes. “You...you went to earth to get me Dr. Pepper?”

Indeed, in his hands is a 12 pack case of Dr. Pepper. You take the case from him, holding it against your chest as more tears stream from your cheeks. You quickly set it on the chair before wrapping your arms around him, holding him tightly.

“Thank you. Thank you so much. You’re the best brother-in-law I could ever ask for.”

“What is she saying?” Ako asks, holding his hands up like he’s not sure what to do with them.

“She’s saying thank you.” Ute says, looking rather pleased at his brother’s discomfort.

You let him go, remembering yautja don’t really hug each other. “Sorry.” You wipe your tears, staring up at the big yautja. “Thank you. Truly. This is the best gift anyone has ever gotten for me.” Ute bristles a bit at that comment but you ignore it, squeezing Ako’s hand.

“You are welcome, human.” He says, patting your shoulder awkwardly.

Ute and Ako talk as you take the pack of soda to the kitchen, putting a couple in the fridge. Fuck, you could chug one right now, but you want your first taste of soda in months to be crisp and cold. The tears are still falling as you stare at the cans, touched by the fact that not only did Ute take your craving seriously, but he convinced his brother to travel to earth and rob a grocery store for you.

The mental image of Ako walking into a 24-hour Walmart in full gear in the middle of the night to grab a 12-pack of Dr. Pepper makes you laugh. The workers probably see so much weird shit they wouldn’t even look twice.

Ako doesn’t stay long, bidding farewell before leaving you and Ute alone. You wrap your arms around your soulmate, holding him tightly.

“You didn’t have to do that.” You say, clinging to him. “The craving would have gone away eventually.”

“I wanted to do it.” He says. “For you.”

“How much did it take to get him to do it?” You ask.

“First choice on our next hunt together.” He says.

You hum. You’re not quite sure what that means, but you assume it has something to do with getting the best prey. It’s touching, even if you can’t fully conceptualize it. The fact that he did that for you is more than enough.

“Thank you.” You say, looking up at him. “I’ll never be able to thank you enough.” You slide your hand down his chest. “But maybe I could do something for you.”

His mandibles flare as your fingers reach the waistband of his loincloth. You tease the skin above the fabric, dragging your blunt nails across it. He shifts on his feet, a low rumble vibrating in his chest as he stares down at you. You dip your fingers beneath the waistband, tugging it down his legs.

He steps out of it, your fingers sliding along his slit. It’s slowly opening, the skin inside slick with his natural lubrication. You dip your fingers in, brushing them along his cock. He hisses, mandibles flaring as he starts to harden, slipping out of his sheath right into your hand. He’s warm and slick, your hand dragging up his length easily.

You stare up into his eyes as you stroke his cock, your hand moving slow, teasing him. One of his hands finds your waist, claws dragging across your skin. You shiver, teeth sinking into your lip as you grip him tighter. He grunts, his hips bucking into your hand as you squeeze him, his own hand dropping down to grab a handful of your ass. You’re starting to get wet, arousal thick in the air as you stroke him.

A deep growl rumbles in his throat, his other hand dropping to your waist. He pulls you away, spinning you around before pushing you onto the floor. You drop to your hands and knees on the cold metal floor. Not exactly comfortable, but Ute tugs the skirt of your dress up over your hips and all thoughts of discomfort leave your mind.

He knees behind you, hands cupping your ass as his thumbs spread your slick folds apart. His breath fans across your pussy, drawing a shiver down your spine.

“This is supposed to be about you.” You say, looking over your shoulder.

“It is.” He says before dragging his tongue through your folds.

A low growl rumbles in his chest as he tastes you, lapping at your juices as they practically dribble down your thighs. You never knew you could get this wet, and he’s barely touched you. Your body responds to him in ways it hasn’t to anyone ever before. It’s the soulmate bond, you know it, but it still surprises you each time. The two of you were made for each other, made to be together.

Ute grips your hips, pulling his head from between your legs. The slick head of his cock drags through your folds before he’s pressing into you, not pausing to give you any time to adjust.

You drop to your elbows on the floor, pushing your ass back against him as you moan from the stretch. It’s just a bit uncomfortable but you push through, relaxing your body around him. His hands grip your hips tightly, nails biting into your soft skin. You ignore the prickling pain, focusing on his cock as he starts to rock his hips.

That deep, rumbling growl still vibrates in his chest as he thrusts in and out of you, wasting no time as he picks up speed. The sound of your bodies meeting and the slick squelch of your pussy is loud in the otherwise silent house. It sounds louder out here than it does enclosed in the bedroom, echoing in the larger space.

“Shit,” you gasp as Ute shifts positions, angling his hips downward. Your legs start to shake, the head of his cock driving into that spot inside of you. “Fucking hell, you’re trying to get me to-”

Your words cut off with a sharp cry, your legs starting to shake from the overwhelming pleasure. Your fingers claw at the metal floor, searching for something to cling to as he keeps the fast pace, driving you closer and closer to an explosive orgasm.

Your eyes roll back, your entire body spasming as your orgasm washes over you, fluid gushing all over the floor. Ute lets out a roar, forced out of you by the intensity of your pussy’s spasms. Your entire body is shaking, your cheek dropping to the floor as your arms give out. Ute is the only thing keeping your legs under you, his hands gripping your hips tightly.

“Holy shit.” You whine, getting little reprieve before he’s sinking back into you, thrusting hard and fast, chasing his own high.

Sweat is beading on your skin, adding to the fluids already pooling on the floor. You push back against Ute, bracing your arms on the floor to keep from slipping forward. He folds over your back, sinking his claws into your hair before tugging your head back, forcing your back into an arch.

This is new.

“Fuck, Ute!” Your hands scramble for purchase on the slippery floor, trembling as they hold you up.

Ute growls, his thrusts starting to get sloppy as he pulses inside of you. He’s close, the hand on your hip tightening to the point of pain. You can feel the warm trail of blood from his claw digging too far into your skin mixing with the sweat coating you.

You’re thrown into another orgasm suddenly, your body trembling, hands slipping just a little. Your brain has gone numb, reduced to mush from the pleasure and it’s only just getting started.

Ute spills into you with a roar, his hips pressing tight against your ass as he fills you. You whimper, dropping down to your elbows again as he releases you. You roll over onto your back, ignoring the pressure against your spine on the hard floor as you gulp in deep breaths of air.

“Fucking hell.” You say, your legs still shaking a bit. “You did that on purpose.”

He grunts, trailing his fingers over the small smear of blood on your hip.

“Don’t even start.” You say, grabbing his hand. You push yourself up to stand, careful not to slip in the puddle of fluids as you tug on him. “Come on, I know you’re not done.”

He rumbles, letting you lead him into the bedroom. You crawl onto the bed, laying yourself out flat, letting your legs flop open. He stares at you like a hungry predator, his eyes raking over your body.

He’s every inch that predator as he crawls onto the end of the bed, creeping up between your legs. You reach up, wrapping your arms around his neck as you smile. His claws trail down your outer thigh, leaving welts in their wake. You hiss, sinking one of your hands into his locs. You tug hard, a roar leaving his lips as you force him over onto his back, quickly climbing onto him. You pin his hands under your knees, putting your hands on his shoulders.

He could easily overpower you but he stays still, watching, waiting for what you’re going to do next.

You sit up over him once you’re content that he’s not going to fling you right back over, trailing your fingers across the raised lines on your thigh. “It’s not fair, you know.” You say, eyeing the knife on the nightstand. “You can mark me so easily,” you lean over him again, trailing a finger down his chest, digging your blunt nail in as deep as you can but it doesn’t even leave a mark. “But I can’t even dent your skin.” You reach over to the nightstand, grabbing the knife. His eyes flare as you grab it, a hiss leaving his lips. You put a hand on his chest, pushing him flat against the mattress. “It’s only fair.”

You trail the knife across his pec, careful not to slice too deeply. A line of neon green appears, a droplet of blood leaking out. You lean down, holding his gaze as you drag your tongue across the cut, gathering the blood in your mouth. It’s metallic, but not quite the coppery tang you expect. Not that you really thought his blood would be close to a human’s, giving it glows neon green.

He’s breathing heavily, his chest heaving as you draw another line across his pec just below the first. You draw four lines, one for each finger, just like you’d leave if you were capable of breaking his tough hide. You drag your fingers along the cuts, gathering some of the blood sitting on top of his skin.

“There.” You say, sitting back up on his stomach. “Now you know what it’s like.”

He growls at you, his mandibles flaring.

“You’re a good boy.” You say, trailing a finger down his chest. “I know you could toss me right off this bed if you wanted to. You probably want to right now, but instead you’re laying here, totally at my command.”

His hands flex beneath your knees, muscles bulging on his arms. You toss the knife off the side of the bed, scooting yourself back until the tip of his leaking cock bumps your ass. It moves your knees from his hands, and they’re immediately grabbing for you. You grab his wrists instead, pinning them back onto the bed.

“I didn’t say you could move.” You scold him.

He growls, the sound vibrating through you, but he relaxes under your hold, and you move your hands. You wait just a second to see if he’ll move but he doesn’t, keeping his hands at his sides.

You slide back further, lifting up your hips so you’re hovered over his cock where it rests against his stomach. He’s slick still from his own lubrication and your juices still coating him. You stroke his cock a couple times before lining him up, sinking down onto his length. His mandibles flare, his head dropping back on the bed as you sit down on him, taking him until you’re seated on his hips.

The stretch is almost too much with the tapered base, your legs already shaking from the sensitivity. You’re not sure how long you’ll be able to stay in this position, with your already shaky legs and the added weight of your spawn. You’re no yautja female, but you’re determined to give him a taste of what it must feel like mating with one.

Despite your shaky legs you press upward, nearly rising off of his cock before lowering yourself, taking him nice and slow. His mandibles are spread wide as he pants, hands clenching into fists where they rest against the bed.

“Not so fun, is it?” You say, keeping the slow pace.

He growls, the sound vibrating through his chest into his stomach where you press your hands for leverage. You pick up speed just a bit, moaning softly at the drag of his cock in your pussy.

“Fuck, you’ve ruined me for anyone else.” You say, grinding your hips against him.

“Don’t need anyone else.” He says, suddenly sitting up. You slide back in his lap, his hand coming to wrap around your throat. “Only me.”

You stare up at him, his hand not squeezing, just sitting there, holding you in place. You stare deep into his eyes, into the intensity burning in those bright yellow irises. “Only you.” You breathe, starting to move again against him.

His other hand grips your ass, aiding your movements as you fuck him. You keep your gaze locked on his, one hand wrapped around his wrist where he holds you, the other on his shoulder for leverage. The moment is intense, heat pooling in your stomach. There’s no fear that he could snap your neck easily. You trust him entirely, giving yourself over to him completely.

He pulls you off his cock, maneuvering you so you’re laying on your side. He slots up behind you, lifting one of your legs over his before he presses into you. His hand cradles your stomach, face pressed into your hair as his tongue laps at your neck.

You let him take the lead, happy to just lay there and let him do the work. Your legs are still trembling, thighs clenching in pleasure as he rocks into you. “Ute,” you breathe, tilting your head back.

His tongue drags across your chin, tusks brushing your cheek. He growls your name, snapping his hips into you. The deep rumbles in his chest tells you he’s close, his hot breaths fanning your face as you cling to him.

“Fuck, just like that.” You breathe, your legs starting to tremble in earnest as you get closer and closer to your own orgasm.

His hand slides down your belly to your clit, his finger rubbing quick circles over the sensitive bud. Your hips jerk, pussy squeezing around him tightly. He growls, teeth nipping at your jaw before he rears back, letting out a roar.

You’re thrown into your own orgasm from the feeling of him filling you, your legs clenching together around his hand. “Shit!” You cry, back arching in pleasure.

You’re both breathing heavily as you come down from your highs, his arms wrapping tight around you. Sweat has soaked your body but you don’t care, your skin sliding against his rough hide.

“I’m never going to get tired of that.” You say, gulping down deep inhales of warm air.

Ute growls, holding you tight against his chest. “Feel good.”

You chuckle, nodding your head. “It does indeed.”

The two of you relax, Ute’s cock slipping out of you, leaving a mess of fluids behind, but you don’t care. That’s a problem for later you.

****

A while later after you dozed off you wake, Ute still holding you against his chest. He’s breathing evenly and deeply, but you know he’s not asleep.

“Ute?” You ask, tilting your head back.

He grunts, shifting against you.

“Will you grab me a Dr. Pepper?”

He grunts again, pausing for a moment before he unravels his arms from around you. He pushes himself up from the bed, making his way to the kitchen. You sit yourself up, ignoring the slight ache between your thighs as you lean against the headboard.

He comes back with a can from the fridge, the can looking comically small in his big hand. He passes it off to you before laying back down on the bed. You crack it open, reveling in that sound for a moment. You never thought you’d hear it again.

You take a sip, the ice cold liquid like gold on your tongue. You let out a moan, tilting your head back as you swallow. The urge to chug it all in one go is there, but you want to savor it. “Fuck, that’s better than sex.”

Ute grumbles, probably something about his pride but you ignore him, taking another sip.

It’s exactly what you needed.

“Your brother is my hero.” You say, savoring the liquid in the can. You have a whole 12-pack, but there’s no guarantee you’ll be getting more than this. You’ll have to make them last.

Ute grunts, laying himself on his back. His cock has receded back into his slit, leaving just damp skin behind. You both need a shower, but this Dr. Pepper is more important than anything else in the world right now.

“I feel like I should pay him or something. Make him something nice in return for doing this.” You relax back against the headboard, resting the cold can on your belly. “Fuck I could go for a cheeseburger right now too.” You glance at Ute. “I don’t think a McDonald’s cheeseburger would survive the trip, though.”

He huffs, staring at the ceiling. “You convince Ako this time.”

You giggle, shaking your head. “No, he’s done enough for us. I won’t put him through having to take his spaceship through a drive-thru.”

You erupt into laughter at the absurd mental image of a giant yautja spaceship trying to go through a McDonald’s drive-thru. Ute glances at you before shaking his head. He must think the Dr. Pepper has driven you insane.

Maybe it has, having carbonated sugar after so long. You’ve been living every health influencer’s dream life, eating completely clean for months. Maybe it really is the chemicals in the food making everyone crazy.

If nothing else, you’re about to have one hell of a sugar high.

****

At first, you’re not quite sure what pulls you from sleep. It’s still dark out, the light of the moons shining in through the window. The air feels cool inside the house, which should have been the first red flag.

Ute sleeps soundly beside you, stretched out under the furs. You pull the one over you tighter, wincing as a sudden cramp burns through your stomach. You gasp as it pulls the breath from your lungs, your entire body contracting from the sharp pain.

Fuck.

You’re shaking, sweat slicking your skin, dampening your hair. You can’t control it, your entire body nearly vibrating. Another cramp burns through you, a pained whimper leaving your lips. They’re trembling too, your breaths hardly more than shaky gasps.

“Ute.” You whisper, fingers shaking where they touch his shoulder.

Something is wrong. Something is horribly wrong. You reach between your legs, feeling for any kind of liquid but there’s only the slickness of sweat against your cold skin.

“Ute!” You cry out as another cramp spasms through you, your entire body contracting into a ball again.

He jolts awake, turning to face you. Tears blur your eyes as you stare at him, your words coming out in a stutter around your trembling lips.

“Something’s wrong.”

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