I SURVIVED EVERYTHING

“I want Aurora. Okay, so since we have some time for chitchats, let’s fuck through the possibilities. Hacking the alarm is out of question, they’re gonna notice that and I’m not high enough for running – – – it sounded better in my head. Anyway, nope, sixth floor is too soon for chases. So, seventh, the boys are young and energetic or haven’t seen a threat in a long time? Talk to me, beauty.”

“Wouldn’t it be a not-so-useless genius thing if it was meant for controlling beyblades and happened to be useful for hijacking the missiles? I don’t know, these beyblades sound fun though, I want seven. And a cruiser. Okay, time to climb a little. – – I’m gonna start at six though. If it looks anyhow better, five armored dudes don’t sound like fun and I bet they’re gonna make way more noise than the lower floor buddies. Bye, bye, Walmart security, you will be missed.”

“We can think of importing some beyblades, I’m pretty sure I can add designing some of my own into my ever going lost of things to do. About cruiser, well, any particular model? I could work something out with a little help. Sixth is locked but that could only mean the whole floor is empty. You’ll be breaking in anyway? I can disable the alarm but something tells me that would bring attention to you...”

“Under the influence of this particular shit? Nothing really, you’d be asleep, drooling all over yourself. But some good shit? Probably something genius – or useless. Or genius and useless. – – – – – This shaft doesn’t go all the way fucking up, great, only four floors. Seven’s clear?”

“If it’s genius it can’t be useless, that’s the rule, dear. Remember that app I wrote for hijacking the missles? As it happens it will also control new series of beyblades, these toys for kids. They put an nfc chip inside. About seventh... nope, not clear, two targets on the left, fifteen meters from you, three targets on your right, ten meters from you. They wear some kind of heavy armor, it looks thicker than a kevlar vest.”

“So – the bottom floors dudes know their basics, some krav maga shit, nothing too impressive but they’re upgraded, not downgraded Target security. Block this emergency elevator, I’m leaving the boys here and using the shaft to go up. Each of ‘em got enough Thiamylal to keep ‘em out of the game for two hours.”

“Oh hello handsome... So now you can grow pockets too? I mean, I’m not surprised, it’s totes you to have that stuff stashed everywhere. My question is, why you never fucking share. I’m probably too curious what I would invent under the influence of this shit. And yeah, the elevator’s blocked, you’re clear. For now.”

“Okay, so now we know why they’re hiring people that Target fired for being clumsy shits. Because if the whole place gets locked down, I’m dead and uncle’s precious whistle-blower is gone forever, yay. – – – Okay, got your map. Oh, lovely fifth and sixth floor is blocked. Is there a CCTV-free zone anywehere near me? I need a new body and a new card.”

“CCTV? Geeze, Morri, we’re not back in London, you know, they don’t have this crap here, all they have is casual monitoring cameras and a few gopros on the highest level... I’d hack to check, but if you don’t wanna, I’ll do it tomorrow before first coffee. About fifth and sixth being locked down... you can do the Tom Cruise mission impossiburu thing sans the gloves... um, nah, that’s stupid. Okay there’s a blind alley, basically twenty meters away from you on your ninth. There should be entrance to emergency elevator shaft and there should be ladder you can use. About dying... yeah, like I would let that happen.”

“That’s prolly because the only people knowing that something’s actually happening are the two of us? I wouldn’t complain if they were just like Sokovia police but we’ll find out sooner or later. Now – third floor, section F, pass ID F28, can I open this door? Let’s not play with hacking the doors security system at this point, I can figure out another way to the sixth floor. Also, elevators have fucking biometrical scanners that are apparently not included in the main security system so fuck plan C.”

“That biometric shit will give me cancer someday I swear to Thor. Retnal scan identification is so much better and ... well so much harder to hack, honestly. But I swear on Odin’s beard there was an app for that... There’s no way we could’ve known, so yeah, that’s a cardio for you, dear. ... ummm wait a minute, these doors are fucking sealed, like it’s an R&D or some shit, there are unlocked doors on the other side of the hall if you want to play with the guards.”

He poured some random bath mousse into an empty bathtub and pushed the stopper in before turning the water on. “But what you’ve been up to though? Something exciting, eh?” Morri asked, leaning against the edge of the bathtub.

When she turned around, she saw Morrigan acting like a model of Mutant Gentelman Quarterly, a blue one, tensing his muscles and shit. Well that was predictable and boring. She let a sigh and shook her head. ‘Well, not much except for the whole redecoration thing. I had sweaty workmen almost living here for a week because apparently the walls weren’t so easy to just break, they had to dismantle them brick by brick and mount pillars and... Yeah, it was a mess. Lucky thing they have comfy couches in new HQ...’

“I waltzed there as one of the guards, hello, good morning, sunshine? They’re gonna find him in the basement at some point, y’know, while turning all the floors upside down and looking for us.”

“Oh poor soul, if you hid him in the basement I’m pretty sure they’ll find him like in a week, not like they are strategic geniuses or something. If walk in through the front door and wave like a fucking penguin of Madagascar... do you think it will give them a heads up in the chase or will they be just like ‘what the fuck did just happen?’ Sorry if I sound like I underestimate them, after all they are just a bunch of minimum-wage mall cops...”

“We have such a beautiful evening today, the batteries are charged and no EMP is going to screw us up, things are looking great here and damn, I love this new Samsung phone, I might end up asking uncle Stark for it, the birthday is coming… How are things there? Tell me what you see, since you refused to have fiber-lenses installed on you. Dear Thor I hate the monitoring there, it’s absolutely impossible to see anything.”

“Nothing too exciting really, the guards seem lazy but they’ve got the big bad boss that we definitely want to keep out of business tonight. Also, I’m sending you data from the card I’ve borrowed together with the body, figure out which scanners I should stay away from because one mistake and the party pooper is suddenly sitting on my face and let’s agree that no matter how great the view would be, the only person ever allowed to do it is you. At this point it’s too easy to be true but I have a feeling that it’s not gonna last long.”

“So you just waltzed there like a boss and the guards were like ‘no big deal it’s just a bro of the bitch?’ or did you use the force like Luke in that terrible joke? Most of the paths look clear; obviously there’s plenty of men gathered around the cell so you might have to use your charm.”

“Don’t we have stuff to do, honey? We’re gonna discuss all of my possible problems with leaving Bro-hood when bull-S.H.I.E.L.D. has the bitch and we’re not under pressure of time anymore. Who do you think I am in Bro-hood though? Angry magnetic grandpa’s right hand? Nope, I’m nobody, they won’t give a fuck about me because I know nothing one way or another.”

“Yeah and somebody said they’re hungry and their stomach is fucking growling at me and to be honest it’s been long time since I’ve watched you cook last time.”

“Lovely, I’m not gonna risk blowing one of the only three covers I kinda legally have for the bull-S.H.I.E.L.D. mission, you gotta excuse me being all picky. And also let me sign out of this amazingly interesting conversation about social problems of Bro-hood because even I don’t give a fuck about them and I’m still theoretically a part of it. Not for long though. Coffee.”

‘You’re technically risking blowing all your covers being friends or whatever the fuck is this with me. Please, you can’t risk it any more than this, really. But please, indulge me, what is your plan of getting rid of your v.i.p. membership card at Brotherhood, because one way of another, they’re going to chase you to Attilan and back, to the end of the Galaxy and back just to kill off the traitor you’d become. Seriously, you’re like one of the people I wouldn’t like to part with at their funeral. We can protect our people at SHIELD, but I don’t think we are ready to fight off angry level 5 Mutant. Just saying.”

“Yeah, good you informed me so I can skip sticking the cardboard spoiler to that Tesla, y’know, to avoid recognition. Number plates, GPS, all that stuff, hello, that’s what I mean. – – – And Bro-hood used to be cool back in the good ol’ days. We had fun then and now it’s all politics and bullshit.”

“Wouldn’t you borrow that precious one from the dealer, so when it comes to tracking they would track actual shop, not us? That would be wise from my perspective. Also, GPS can come in handy, as in, jamming their signal or fucking with them in terms of locating us. I’m not going to convince you, but you said it yourself, ain’t nobody got time for that. Coffee? Dear Thor, you still have a thing for that blue skank? Not that I’m jealous, it’s just sorta funny, since she went all psychopath on basically everyone, from what I know. Brotherhood was always out of style; their policy is what makes a straight white man empowered and nothing is going to take a straight white man out of his throne, not even set of powerful mutations. Come on, being bad used to be sexy for like two years after they made that Avengers movie.”

“Yeah, you’re pretty, totally. – – – Okay, a car. I’m gonna prep it as well, we’re not driving around the town in the car everyone can track and identify. What? – Bro-hood is poor, we’ve commited so many cool crimes using rented cars that got returned later like no big deal.”

“You’re spilling idiocy everywhere, dear, careful... If you didn’t notice half of this freaking city drives Teslas, geeze, I’ve been here not so long and I know that? We’ll blend in, no problem. Brotherhood and cool? That’s two words I’d never expect to be in one sentence, but hey, you did it, yay!”

“Yeah, sure, get me a Tesla S today and fly me to the moon inside of it but keep on dreaming about fucking around – not that it’s anyhow connected – where am I going with this? – Well, I can get you a Tesla S or three, no problem. Anything else? Besides something to eat, I’m starving – again.”

“I’m pretty sure I don’t need anything more from you... You know where is the fridge, right?”

“It’s not the one and only cloak of invisibility science has ever done, baby – Harvard told me so. I thought it’s gonna require some driving and breaking into places but, yeah, do it the easy way, break into your cupboards, we have no time for fucking around. Well – today, when we’re done with the bitch, we can fuck around anytime you want.”

“Who said I wanna fuck around with you? Keep on dreaming, Morri. About dreaming... We need an electric car. They’re troublesome to charge, I get it, but they;re silent. The kind of silent we need. Can you get us one for today? I know you don’t look like a car dealer, I am well aware, but come on! A Tesla S would be a nice one to try. That being said, I need to put the kettle on.”

“So check if it’s arrived from London and I’ll take care of the coffee. If it hasn’t – I can get you HEU before tea time, there shouldn’t be a problem with whatever you need. And we have to do it tonight if we want to have everything done in 48 hours. We’re left with tomorrow for planning and tomorrow night for the operation itself. Fair enough.”

“I’m pretty sure you can’t get hold of retroreflective particle dust because I invented it, darling. I can make some in the kitchen while waiting for another coffee… I have a few chemistry sets in cupboards. And air compressor next to the rubbish bin… Yeah. Of course, I have nothing better to do tonight, to be honest. I mean work on protector pad design for my new armor can wait, right?”