Vanwood

A few days ago I created a little doodle using a voice file I found on this very Tumblr account, recorded way back in 2017. I've taken the background music from that and... fiddled.

I get... pretty obsessive with these digital, looping melodies and layers. I don't know if it's anything anyone else would like, but I get chills from stuff like this.

I think it's time to get back to work on the songs that are currently sat in a neat little folder on my desktop. Waiting.

In the spirit of using this account as a journal (a choice, made years ago, which has seemingly helped me, many years later), I'm going to continue.

Ze and I made this last week.

They did great, I think.

What a week.

I spent an entire night a few days ago backtracking through my tumblr, steadily reminding myself of the creative work I'm capable of.

I found this audio message I recorded in 2017, which I sent to a discord server I was in at the time.

Jesus.

Me from the past had some bars.

So I added some more.

So much time has gone by.

So much time has been wasted...

...

No.

No, no, no.

No no.

This can't be it. This CANNOT be everything.

I am NOT satisfied with the corner I've been hiding in.

I...

A long time ago (but maybe not as long as I'm afraid it was), I created.

I created with my own voice, and with my own hands. I recorded. I edited. I wrote. I produced.

And the work was good. It was fulfilling, and beautiful, and funny, and it widened my soul. It made me feel excited, inspired, motivated, open, communicative, confident, and kind.

The momentum died. I withered. I sat, still as a stone, for... years.

I'm no longer willing to stay here. I will NOT stay here.

The work will have suffered in my absence. There will be things to learn, ways to return to my old space of productive thinking, skills to resharpen, and connections, long dormant, to rekindle.

But now is the time.

My name is Ness. My voiceover and online production alias is Vanwood.

I tend to post something in January, so....

I hope to add lyrics to this (maybe a bit more of a structure) and perform this live at The Actors, Brighton.

It's become something of a safe space for me.

When the world needed her most, she returned.

@ze-fanatic14

Dungeons and Dragons is good

Happy New Year