f o c u s

One of Milo’s eyebrows raised as Vanessa swatted off the nickname and continued on with calling their conversation trivial. “I’ll never move past being friendly,” he commented, his smile not leaving his face despite her tone. “Oh, I’m alright. Busy with basketball practice, and school, and doing frat things. Not as stressed as one would imagine. What about you? You’ve always got such a busy schedule.”

she couldn’t look at him the same way anymore. she’d heard people say it was possible to be friends with your ex, but it seemed this was getting less and less probable by the minute. she couldn’t see him in any other light;; any light other than the one she’d left. vanessa couldn’t just ignore that fact that sometimes she caught a glimpse of something residual in his eyes that made her feel so guilty she couldn’t think straight, and it killed her. the conversation was so normal. it was something they might have discussed when he came over, after pushing away her papers and resting his head on her lap, like things were still the SAME. and it was all her fault that they weren’t. she didn’t have it in her to keep up the defensive position.

                    “i, uh,” vanessa started, hitting the bottom                      of her highlighter against her palm as she                     looked at the papers scattered around her,                      “i’m working on a, um, a mock trial right now                      for government. so, nothing new, i guess.” a                      beat. she looked anywhere but him, then back                      towards his face, eyebrows furrowed. “how’s                      basketball going? i, uh, i haven’t really gotten to                      any games lately.”

While some people thought those students involved in Greek Life to be obnoxious partying people who wasted their parents’ money failing classes and getting drunk at all hours of the day - Catalina liked to believe she was the living proof of why that wasn’t the case. She loved her sorority - from the sisterhood to the philanthropy, Cat was proud to call herself a Delta Zeta. Cat was serving as recruitment chair for the upcoming semester’s rush and there was no better way to advertise than tabling - a sorority girl’s tried and true. With a few of her sisters in tow, Cat set up a table outside one of the most popular apartment complexes by campus. “Hi there! Happy move in day! The sisters of Delta Zeta are offering free cookies and lemonade for everyone! It’s definitely a hot one,” She grinned her sorority-perfected smile as she held out the napkin bearing a cookie and small plastic cup.

this was the last thing vanessa needed today. the air was damp with humidity, her skin sweaty from her workout and baby hairs sticking to the back of her neck. anyone who had known vanessa parker-santos for more than five seconds would know that she was not a SORORITY SISTER, and would more likely jump into a vat of acid than be one. she had enough family as it was, she didn’t need a gaggle of ( mostly ) white girls with monogrammed everything in all of her business. akatendeka and veronika were enough for her, if not too much. and so, needless to say, she was a bit more than annoyed by this public display of philanthropy, which didn’t seem, at least to her, philanthropic. it was a recruitment tactic;; the same way she’d been taught to appeal to the jury in court. the jury, of course, did not take lemonade bribes. 

                     “dios mío,” vanessa said under her breath,                       hoping to slip by unnoticed and failing                       miserably, as she often did when the ever-                      persistent catalina was involved. the lawyer                       ran her palm over her forehead, pushing                       back hairs that had strayed from her ponytail                       at the front. “are you serious with all this?” she                       asked, gesturing loosely to the provisions                       catalina had extended but not taking them.

boxes filled the various rooms of the place, with its white walls and wood floors, it was an invitation to create. At least, Nika felt she could breathe life into it and she was hopeful at the prospect of it feeling just as warm and complete as H O M E had been. Nessa didn’t seem as full of joy as Nika tried to inflate herself with at every watchable moment and she understood her sister in ways she never thought possible. Pausing in her doorway she forced a gentle smile, in place of her usual radiant one, to keep it soft for the person in front of her. 

                                  “Oh, well—I just wanted to say that the neighbors                                           down the hall gave me this flyer–” 

                                                         she held it up in all its orange and yellow glory. 

“They say its the best pizza place for miles, and they deliver.                   Think you might be hungry soon?”

vanessa’s face softened visibly at the sound of her younger sister’s voice. nik was good at modifying herself to be quite gentle, especially around vanessa, which on some level she appreciated. on another, more bitter level, she felt the need to assert her capability and self-advocacy. but then again, this was her sister. she nodded towards the picture, a quiet yet familiar gesture for her to bring it towards her. 

                    “is that for pepe’s? cause then they                      don’t know shit. best pizza is rocco’s,                      if you’re hungry.”

Milo’s hand moved to his chest, laying over his heart as he pretended to be wounded by Vanessa’s words. He knew her well enough to know that her brushing him off wasn’t anything personal, at least not really. “Aw, come on, V. I just stopped by to say hi and see how you were doing. Hi, how are you doing?” He smiled genuinely and slipped his hands into his jean pockets.

          “my name is vanessa,” she said, a bit quieter. nicknames were reserved for a select few, and it seemed he was no longer one of them. “what kind of question is that?” the girl asked, and she could feel an unstoppable word vomit coming on. it was the kind of thing she used in mock trials to stall when her partner had a hangover, or the witness was a bumbling idiot. “i mean, small talk is really so trivial, milo. i assumed we moved past this sort of thing. but i’m fine, how are you?”

Going to school with an ex is always difficult. But living in the same apartment building as one? That just made things a bit harder, even if you did consider each other friends still. “Now is that anyway to talk to your neighbor?” Milo asked Vanessa, leaning against her doorframe even though she told him to leave her alone.

the sound of milo’s voice made vanessa’s jaw clench. she was suddenly all too aware of her heartbeat, pounding in her chest like a war drum. how could he make her so nervous? he was just a BOY and she was supposed to be made of galaxies, but around him, she was soft starfall. and she hated it. slowly, painfully, she tore her eyes from the paper before her and looked up at him, and jesus christ if he didn’t look just as good as the day she laid eyes on him. she swallowed thickly.

                    “as you know, i’m not a very neighborly                      person,” she said, making pointed eye                      contact. a beat. “did you need something,                      or?” she trailed off, looking him briefly up                     and down, trying not to think about the                      fact that she was wearing his t-shirt.

                    “déjame en paz. keep moving.”