All the things I have thought.

After a while you learn the subtle difference Between holding a hand and chaining a soul, And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning And company doesn’t mean security. And you begin to learn that kisses aren’t contracts And presents aren’t promises, And you begin to accept your defeats With your head up and your eyes open With the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child, And you learn to build all your roads on today Because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain for plans And futures have a way of falling down in mid-flight. After a while you learn… That even sunshine burns if you get too much. So you plant your garden and decorate your own soul, Instead of waiting for someone to bring you flowers. And you learn that you really can endure… That you really are strong And you really do have worth… And you learn and learn… With every good-bye you learn.

The worst thing in the world is to try to sleep and not to.

You are so brave and quiet I forget you are suffering.

me when I start getting feelings for someone

She’s love in all of its most hateful forms. She’s this hurricane that takes over But not because she wants to Or cares to Because believe me she doesn’t. It’s just that the plates beneath The world have shifted And she’s the only answer. She never came to destroy, Devastation wasn’t part of her plan But unlike the natural disasters that Occur The obliteration of my home And my soul occurs after she leaves. That’s when I realize the mess she left in her wake. And I’m dumbfounded to realize I want her back. Because she destroyed walls I built Buildings I had placed That had only blocked my view. She tore everything down Not out of hatred or jealousy But out of love. She’s love in all of its most hateful forms. Reminding me that in the end Love is the only thing that matters. And when opposing versions of air Collide She’s forced to take over. Forced to remind us That brokenness doesn’t destroy us But rather, saves us. When all these broken people join Because of her, they don’t break each Other more. They don’t rip at each other’s seams and demand justice in wrong forms. No, they join and and offer each other what the world should have years ago- A chance to rebuild. A chance to mend what has been broken with people who understand Their pain and loss. She was so many so called “disasters” She was the hurricanes and tornadoes. But to me, she was just a lifesaver. A reminder that sometimes Everything gets broken, But there’s a reason we’re Still standing. She never destroyed me, She built me. Crafted me with the splintered wood, With the shattered glass, With the charred remains Left in her absence. She built me after my life seemed gone, And while she cost me, It is I who can never repay her.

I want to write and have beauty pour from my fingertips onto this canvas sitting in front of me. I want to untangle my thoughts on this paper, Filling its blank slate with grace and emotion. But instead I sit here Forcing the words out of their confined boundaries, hoping that no one will notice That reading my own writing Makes me cringe. Because I only want to move others With these damn words And I know that the thoughts are there With depth, And emotion, And charm. But they refuse to leave this prison So I force them out of my mind’s concrete walls And our execution looks like processed meat, not nearly as beautiful as the creature it started as. This mess laying before you Is the best I can write. And it’s awful And I’m sorry.