NY STATE OF MIND

It's been a long time since i've posted here. Years! Is anyone even using this anymore?

This ! 😍😍

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Too many to name but mostly celebrities

I'm not entirely sure what the symptoms are because I have yet to look them up, but surely I cannot be this sad all the time, it must be something BIGGER. After all, my mother has depression so why couldn't it be possible for me to have it? I sometimes feel like I'm getting nowhere in life, like I'm someone who's just THERE and have no real purpose. I tend to get sad at what everyone else has, what they've accomplished and how beautiful they are compared to me and then feel that I'm not good enough. That's just some of what I go through mentally. My mind skips sometimes and I can go days or weeks without feeling so "useless". I find it to be a dangerous way of thinking because it makes you feel almost suicidal (which I am not by the way, so don't be alarmed!). It also makes you not want to try, thinking you've already failed at something before even approaching it. Mentally, it's draining and I wish it weren't happening to me but it is. I can try to be one of those people who think positive all the time, who says they will try something new and adventurous and different and actually accomplish it, But I'm not. I've already talked myself into thinking the glass is half empty before I'd even poured the water. It's sad really, because you compare your life to other people's lives constantly and tell yourself how lucky they are that they have such a great career, lovely house, New car, beautiful wedding, cute kids and so on , then you look at what you DON'T have and say how unlucky you are when really you're not counting your blessings and seeing what you have that they might not have! By now I'm just rambling on, but there's a clear vision of how my brain thinks. And here I thought it was on my side but clearly my mind is against me.

This sunset was just crazy beautiful to me so I had to record it.

Custom earrings the boo made. He's so creative. Gosh why do I look so mad?

A must read!

Someone posted this article on facebook and as I read each one, I realized, OMG I do every single one of these things! That's why I'm always miserable and crabby. Smfh seriously something has to change! Read below.. 1. You ascribe intent. Another driver cut you off. Your friend never texted you back. Your co-worker went to lunch without you. Everyone can find a reason to be offended on a steady basis. So what caused you to be offended? You assigned bad intent to these otherwise innocuous actions. You took it as a personal affront, a slap in the face. Happy people do not do this. They don’t take things personally. They don’t ascribe intent to the unintentional actions of others. 2. You’re the star of your own movie. It is little wonder that you believe the world revolves around you. After all, you have been at the very center of every experience you have ever had. You are the star of your own movie. You wrote the script. You know how you want it to unfold. You even know how you want it to end. Unfortunately you forgot to give your script to anyone else. As a result, people are unaware of the role they are supposed to play. Then, when they screw up their lines, or fail to fall in love with you or don’t give you a promotion, your movie is ruined. Lose your script. Let someone else star once in awhile. Welcome new characters. Embrace plot twists. 3. You fast forward to apocalypse. I have a bad habit of fast forwarding everything to its worst possible outcome and being pleasantly surprised when the result is marginally better than utter disaster or jail time. My mind unnecessarily wrestles with events that aren’t even remotely likely. My sore throat is cancer. My lost driver’s license fell into the hands of an al-Qaeda operative who will wipe out my savings account. Negativity only breeds more negativity. It is a happiness riptide. It will carry you away from shore and if you don’t swim away from it, will pull you under. 4. You have unrealistic and/or uncommunicated expectations. Among their many shortcomings of your family and friends is the harsh reality that they cannot read your mind or anticipate your whims. Did your boyfriend forget the six and a half month anniversary of your first movie date? Did your girlfriend refuse to call at an appointed hour? Did your friend fail to fawn over your tribal tattoo? Unmet expectations will be at the root of most of your unhappiness in life. Minimize your expectations, maximize your joy. 5. You are waiting for a sign. I have a friend who won’t make a decision without receiving a “sign.” I suppose she is waiting on a trumpeted announcement from God. She is constantly paralyzed by a divinity that is either heavily obscured or frustratingly tardy. I’m not disavowing that fate or a higher power plays a role in our lives. I’m just saying that it is better to help shape fate than be governed by it. 6. You don’t take risks. Two words: Live boldly. Every single time you are offered a choice that involves greater risk, take it. You will lose on many of them but when you add them up at the end of your life you’ll be glad you did. What I Wish Someone Had Told Me Before I Moved To A New City Colleagues melt into happy hour buddies, gym acquaintances are good for a smoothie run, and old classmates who now live in the city are always good to grab brunch with and spend a few hours catching up. 7. You constantly compare your life to others. A few years ago I was invited to a nice party at a big warehouse downtown. I was enjoying the smooth jazz, box wine and crustless sandwiches. What more could a guy want? Later in the evening I noticed a steady parade of well-heeled people slide past and disappear into another room. I peeked and saw a large party with beautiful revelers dancing and carrying on like Bacchus. Suddenly my gig wasn’t as fun as it had been all because it didn’t appear to measure up to the party next door- a party I didn’t even know existed until just moments before. I do this frequently. Those people are having more fun. Mary has a bigger boat. Craig gets all the lucky breaks. Ted has more money. John is better looking. Stop it. Always remember what Teddy Roosevelt said: “Comparison is the thief of joy.” 8. You let other people steal from you. If you had a million dollars in cash under your mattress, you would check it regularly and take precautions to insure it is safe. The one possession you have that is more important than money is time. But you don’t do anything to protect it. In fact you willingly give it to thieves. Selfish people, egotistical people, negative people, people who won’t shut up. Treat your time like Fort Knox. Guard it closely and give it only to those who deserve and respect it. 9. You can’t/won’t let go. These are getting a little harder aren’t they? That’s because sometimes you have to work at happiness. Some hurdles are too difficult to clear by simply adjusting your point of view or adopting a positive mindset. Do you need to forgive someone? Do you need to turn your back on a failed relationship? Do you need to come to terms with the death of a loved one? Life is full of loss. But, in a sense, real happiness would not be possible without it.  It helps us appreciate and savor the things that really matter. It helps us grow. It can help us help others grow. Closure is a word for people who have never really suffered. There’s no such thing. Just try to “manage” your loss. Put it in perspective. You will always have some regret and doubt about your loss. You may always second guess yourself. If only you had said this, or tried that. You’re not alone. Find someone who understands and talk to that person. Reach out for support. If all else fails, try #10 below. 7 Struggles Every College Student Home For The Summer Faces Back at home means back to old rules. 10. You don’t give back. One way to deal with loss is to immerse yourself in doing good. Volunteer. Get involved in life. It doesn’t even have to be a big, structured thing. Say a kind word. Encourage someone. Pay a visit to someone who is alone. Get away from your self-absorption. When it comes down to it, there are two types of people in this world. There are givers and there are takers. Givers are happy. Takers are miserable. What are you? 

I feel my mouth moving! You’ve seen those movies about demon possession or exorcisms and the like, where the person being possessed starts speaking some other unknown language which seems like jibberish but really it’s the evil spirit communicating through them. Well, that’s exactly what happened to me. This did not happen in my own voice but in a more manly voice instead! I can’t even tell you how scared I was. If I was afraid before, well it was amplified by 100 now! I couldn’t move and I couldn’t get myself to look at anything in my dark room for fear I might see something moving or eyes looking at me from the darkness. I cried again and the only thing I could think of was to pray and play gospel music on my phone. Slowly but surely I calmed down, I forced myself to forget about anything evil and only thought of God. Repeatedly saying to myself “God loves me. He won’t let anything happen to me”. The fear was slowly fading and Before I knew it I was smiling. The music helped so much in keeping my mind filled with happy ave positive thoughts. The prayers of course helped and soon enough my eyes shut and I was asleep again. Resting peacefully with only God in mind. Now I don’t know for sure what happened that night. Whether it was indeed an evil spirit or just sleep paralysis but if that was the case, why did I mumble things in my sleep which seemed to not be in the English language? Why did it come out in a man’s voice rather than my own? There may be some skeptics who don’t believe in spirits possessing you or evil lurking about and trying to take over your body for whatever reason but I do! This experience was NOT NORMAL!

This is a good read and so true!