Questions, Thoughts, & Concerns

Day three of being sick and doing nothing but watching Netflix. I’ve Binge watched Stranger Things S2, AHS Roanoke, and Mindhunter S1. Cuz I know you all care so much about my opinions and I’m bored, here are my reviews:

Stranger things season 2: excellent! Not as strong as season 1. Very predictable at times. But still very entertaining.

AHS Roanoke: ehhhhh.... strange story format. Weird ending. Some plot holes. And things that annoyed me from a production aspect- **spoiler alert- skip to Mindhunter review** If the crew is dead who was getting those close up angles? Certainly those wide angle security type cameras would not be capable. Also shutter speed 180? WB 5600k indoors? AHS Graphics dept- you’re so silly!

1.) Esrever ni uoy dnatsrednu I.  As an editor you literally have to watch footage not only forwards but backwards a million times.  So you developed an ability to understand the English language backwards.  Yes Christians, I may be the devil.  Or maybe I just spent too much time in the black lodge that one time...

2.) “Ummm..... AH CHOO!” Any good editor will go to great extremes to make an actor/talent/interviewee look and sound good.  Which usually includes things like- the actor had a cold or something and accidentally snorted/coughed/sneezed loudly half way through a good take... You are then tasked with fixing that unattractiveness.  Which means cutting it out and replacing it with an audio clip of normal inhaling.  Then, of course, there is the becoming obsessed with seamlessly removing every “um”, “uh”, and “so”.   Not super normal things to spend hours sometimes days on...

3.) Haven't We Met Before?  You feel like you've met people you actually haven’t.  When you watch the raw footage of actors or interviewees, you get a sense of their personalities.  Sometimes you even learn things about them.  This one actress talked excessively about her new boyfriend between takes- which were recorded...  I knew his name, where he was from, his favorite color, how they have different favorite colors, and that she thinks he’s super cute when he’s sleeping...   Another time I had edited this short film and months later I passed one of the actor (not a famous one) on the street.  My mouth started to form the word “hey”, just before my vocal cords begin to produce the sound; my brain kicked in and brought the whole things to a screeching stop.  He and I had never actually met so he would’ve had no idea who the hell I was.  However, in the “outtakes”, he mentioned that he lived in Brookline with his boyfriend and he’s original from upstate New York.  Not weird or creepy at all that I know that...

4.) Funny Faces are Not that Funny.  When a non-editor stops by your edit suite, you hit pause and it happens to be someone mid blink or making an awkward face.  The non-editor burst out laughing and you're like what just happened?  They point at the screen “Look at his/her face!  That's hilarious!”  You’re like “oh haha...” Internally you’re thinking: I stopped finding that sort of thing funny half way through my first editing class.  Editors are so used to and unfazed by this. 

5.) I’m the Good Guy I Swear!  Some people are so concerned that you’ll take something out of context and make them look stupid.  You have to somehow convince them that you’re not the Enquirer or TMZ and totally respectable!  It’s really hard to do that.  Thanks trashy tabloids.   

Ever since the now infamous Trump sexual assault remarks I find myself reliving the times I was sexual assaulted.  I really don’t know why.  It makes me so angry that a selfish, sexist, xenophobic, racist, orange pig has brought these feeling up…  I hate that this has had such an effect on me…

Yes.  I’ve been sexual assaulted.  It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to talk about… until now.  

Actually I still don’t want to talk about it.  But I’ve had this overwhelming feeling to write about it instead.  

Honestly, most of my family doesn’t even know about it. 

When I was in high school I befriended this really ugly trashy boy at my after school job.  Simply because he was 21 and could buy me and my friends alcohol.  That, and his best friend was a well known drug dealer in town.  For the record- The drugs were for my friends.  At the time I didn’t care if my friends did drugs.  I however, have never done drugs in my life.  I definitely drank in high school but I’ve always been petrified of drugs.  

Anyway, I flirted and strung him along so that he would help me get my hands on alcohol and drugs for my friends.  I looooooooooovvvvvvveeeeeedddd feeling like the party hero.  Even if it meant making out with this gross dude a little bit here and there.  

The making out turned into pressure for more.  My friends were all having sex.  They never said they thought I was less than for not having sex, but I felt it was between the lines.  Although when you’re a hormonal teenage girl it’s hard to figure out if you are over analyzing things or not.  In retrospect, I think maybe they really didn’t give a rats ass….

There was more than one occasion when the gross 21 year old boy took advantage of a beyond drunk 16-17 year old me at/or after a party.  Even thought I said no I told myself it was completely my fault.  I mean, I had been flirting with him for months.  He’s older, and I was drunk - what did I expect?

I didn’t know that sexual assault and rape were real.  I thought those terms only pertained to when someone was murdered.  Like when a headline reads “16 year old victim was raped and murdered”.  I didn’t know you could get raped or sexual assaulted without being murdered…

So, I bragged to my friends about how I was as cool as them now that I wasn’t a virgin.  I allowed him to talk me into calling him my “boyfriend”.  I was never comfortable with this…  But I had sex with him so this must be the “right” thing to do. 

Finally sometime during the middle of my senior year of high school I finally saw the light.  I realized that there was something wrong with him and what happened.  But I still didn’t want to tell anyone.  I tried to just “break up” with him and “move on”.

That’s when the stalking started.  He called and texted me constantly.  One day I was home sick from school.  I had strep throat I think.  I took a nap and awoke to literally 28 missed calls and voicemails from him.  Each voicemail more agitated and threatening than the last.

He would literally sit in his car at the end of my street waiting for me to get home from school.  He would also wait outside my work(I had changed jobs at this point and no longer worked with him).  Whenever I saw him I would just get in the car out of fear that he would make a scene in front of my co-workers or neighbors…

For those wondering where my parents were in all this- I hid all this very very well.  I was convinced I was in the wrong.  No part of me was willing to admit to my parents that I had drank or had sex…  Also- he was stupid, but not stupid enough to pull anything in front of my parents.  If he saw my parent’s cars in the driveway he just kept driving.

Eventually I got good at dodging him.  So he started showing up at my high school, walking the hallways looking for me.  I had friends calling me and texting me things like “Just saw him near the gym…”  So I would know to avoid that area.  

As I write all this, part of me is like “Did this really happen?  It almost feels like I’m making it up…” It’s all true.  But between the time passed and how screwed up the whole thing was - I guess this is my brain coping by making it all feel like a bad dream.

The stalking continued until I got my license.  Having my drivers license and a key to my dad’s car made it easier to avoid him.  In fact, one of the first things I did once my dad handed the key over was drive to Verizon to have my cell number changed.  After all that he finally went away….

Sadly, I heard that he did something similar to another high school girl a few years later.  I feel deeply guilty.  I should have gotten the authorities involved.  Instead I was too scared of what my friends and parents would think.

Years later I was 25 living the life in downtown Boston.  I shared an amazing apartment in North End with my best friend.  Life was like a sitcom.  For us and our amazing group of friends - weekends were nothing but partying and misadventures.    

This one night started like any other.  We were at a crowded bar standing in a circle throwing back mixed drinks.  I was listening to my friend tell a funny story when suddenly I felt the back of my skirt shift.  Before I could even flitch a hand slipped between my legs, and a finger was inserted…  My underwear was shoved up there with it.  

I obviously immediately jumped.  He quickly retracted.  Which resulted in a painful scratch.  When I spun my head around I only saw him for a second.  He was cocking his head back, laughing.  I’m being serious.  He looked like a marvel villain…  Then he disappeared into a crowd of similarly looking guys.  I yelled something I can’t remember at him.  Then started to try to chase him in my four inch heals.  My friends, who didn’t see a thing, grabbed me and were like what the fuck are you doing?

I told them and because they didn’t see anything they were very confused.  They tried to get me to forget it by buying me a couple of drinks.  In case you are wondering - no I am no longer friends with these people.  This was the first of a few things that signaled to me that I should not be friends with them.

After those free drinks I started thinking (again) that it was my fault.  I told myself that this happened because my skirt was too short…  I threw out that skirt the next day.

So that’s my story…  Up until recently, I never considered talking about it - never mind going public…  However, over the last few days I’ve had this overwhelming paramount feeling in my chest that I need to write about this.  This was not easy.  I suppose it’ll never been easy.  

The list below is based on my personal experiences working in news and as an event videographer.

This is Video. "Take my picture!"  Ummm no.  I will not take your picture.  Why? Because this is V-I-D-E-O, VIDEO.  You know, like moving pictures.   In this day and age you seriously can't tell the difference between a photo camera and a video camera? Come on now... (Note: This type of confusion is only kind of acceptable when the videographer is using a DSLR.  However, I don’t.  Please reference the very first sentence)

Photoshop. "Oh you can just photoshop this right?  While you’re at it, can you make me skinny like they do to celebrities?"  Firstly, while I'm at it?  Also, this is still VIDEO... Believe it or not PHOTOshop is for PHOTOS!  So no.  I cannot.  And I am absolutely judging you for asking me to digitally alter your appearance.

Leave it to the Professionals. "So I arranged for us to be able to do the interview here instead" Oh did you now?  Isn't that special?  So you, the guy/gal hired me because you wanted a professional video right?  Yet you made a decision about changing the location and didn't think to consult me, the professional.  You just assumed that the massive window wouldn't be a problem.  Cute.

Sorry Not Sorry.  When someone you just met says: "Oh you work in TV? My sister/brother/girlfriend/boyfriend/wife/husband/dog/cat/uncle/aunt is an aspiring actor!"  Cool.  Good luck to them.  I really don't care.  And no, I'm not going to just cast them in my next production just because I met you once. That and I'm not in charge of casting.

Editing isn't Magic. Editors are magic.  The process is technical, artistic, and methodological.  At times it’s fun, inspiring, tedious, mind numbing, soul crushing, baby punching level of frustration.   Repeat: EDITORS ARE MAGICAL!