𝜗𝜚 just a girl 𝜗𝜚

I want to live in London and be a writer, I want to live in New York and be a musician, I want to live in Paris and work in fashion, I want to study depressing old literature, practice law, political science, and maybe even architecture. I want to be a publicist and a photographer, I want to learn every language in the world and teach them all! Imagine if I were to do all that possibly before turning 25...

Xoxo, Catherine.

It's overrated.

Growing up, I've seen people indulge in that sickening, unfamiliar word. Isn't it just a chemical reaction you get down your genitalia? A rush of hormonal teenage excitement! Quite frankly, I should've understood how important you should have love in your life...

A love that makes you sleep from a lullaby in the arms of your mother. A love-colored blush which creeps up your cheeks when your heart feels his presence. A love that allows you to heal from the traumatic childhood you run away from. A love that you never expected would come, but always needed.

I wish I could grasp real love. Maybe I had it-- once or twice? Now I simply cannot fathom to feel anything but regret for myself, for rejecting love. Note to self; I will sit here and wait. Life held me on this train, and my patience was slowly losing all its hope until I found you.

Now on this blue night, I call out your name, waiting for a response or at least a sound of your voice in this hellish nightmare I call life without you.

I don't know when I will see you, love.

I must find you in all other life forms. I will learn how to swim! Going as far down the deepest oceans of the Bermuda Triangle to see all the treasures of mystery you keep to yourself. I will know how to ride a bike! So I can search the entire world for your vast beauty which sets the wheels on fire. I won't stop. Until I've explored the multiverse to catch a glimpse of every version of you. And if I fail to find your heart, use mine. If I fail to catch your lingering lips, kiss someone better. Satisfy your needs.

If I never see you, at last, then I can finally give up. For without your holy presence, I can declare myself dead.

And if my heart palpitates one last time as it slowly sinks in the restless thoughts of your disappearance, then let me drown in you.

Hold me for I will do nothing more than to remove your excruciating pain I have once felt because I will never leave.

Ever again.

Xoxo, Catherine.

Hello, you.

welcome to my girl blog! this sacred space is where i post girly things the voices say to me in my head.

What you'll find:

1. i make aesthetic mood boards

2. tons of intrusive thoughts

3. art, movies, music, and poetry

4. dark literature

5. love letters to everything

6. 90s supermodels

7. girlhood is female hysteria

8. absurdism