Enantiomerically me

He found him in the the middle of the dark. There were no artificial lights, no moon shining, the reflection of the stars did not exist, it was dark. Black. Empty. An infinite obscure world.

There he was. Not shining at all. He was just standing there, waiting for me to come. Waiting to save me. To show me the way in the middle of the non-lighted space. I was lost. I had given up looking for him. The man who would open the doors of my soul. The man that would take me out of this black lake. The soul sucking mass of water, that took all my feelings away. There he was. Floating like a feather when it falls down an eagle and let the wind softly carry the way out.

He found me. We’ve got into each other. He knew the way through the darkness, back to the green, hopeful land where we should be. At that moment I should had questioned myself “is it good that he can survive in the darkness? Is it a positive point that he knows the way out? That he can see in the middle of so much black?”. As we got out of the empty world and reached the cheerful land, I’ve realized that this would not be an easy love. Not because he knows the roads of the obscure labyrinth! Because I was there, in this no mans land, empty souled world for too long. I’ve realized that I would be the problem. My heart was infected with the deadliest virus I’ve ever heard of. Solitude and doubt.

The symptoms are quite simple: blindness to small acts of love, questioning every single act and not being able to be by myself with a positive and cheerful thinking.

Styling worshiping.

@PortugueseSoul Magazine

Designer: Nuno Baltazar

Styling: Fernando Bastos Ferreira

Photography: Frederico Martins

It was just a matter of time.

Johana, a lovely 26 years-old girl, studying to be a Chinese Medicine Practitioner. She though she had it all, she imagined she had the answers to the bigger questions of the existing individual, and to smaller routine questions of “What will I eat for lunch?”.

Till the day she crossed her life with a random man, in a downtown Chiado café, in Lisbon, she never asked her self of what was going on with the world. She had the idea she fitted in massive, schematic society, where people live without doubting the meaning of what should they do for the surrounding environment. Where subjects center the inner forces, to improve their selves, neglecting many times how this self-evolution would reflect on others. With no sense that love and friendship are a teamwork process. With no idea that maybe if they stopped looking to their own flaws, they should try to fix the air around them, balance it with positive energy and ignore what else is going in their electric field for a while.

Johana met Pedro, like a lot of random non linear function people meet each other in many different places, such as airports, bus stops, subways or just waiting for the doctor appointment. Pedro felt that she had this “aurea”, this purple light that reflected security but at the same time, doubt! He knew he had to open her eyes, to something she has been neglecting for a while, for the inner questions that many sane, mentally balanced persons try not to realize which was “Who am I, and what the hell am I doing here?”. Just like the song of Creep! This is why many people don’t like to answer to typical questions, o social networks profiles of about me, or describe yourself. It takes a lot of thinking and re-evaluating what you’ve done, what you are, what you want to be and what you feel. Johana though she knew briefly what she wanted, which was just to be happy. To evolve herself for a bigger human being, by understanding natural medicine and the energy surrounding us. But she never thought if she fitted, or if she could fit this wonderful, careful, peaceful state of mind, to the urban, busy,capitalist, careless life that surrounded her in the streets of Lisbon.

The before and after.

Today is one of those that I just feel like cooking and eating, just so I don’t have to go through all my responsibilities and obligations of school and work.

Working.

Challenging the self is a peculiar way to reach self improvement and discover new abilities, never known before.

Chances had always come to the individual to get out of the familiar ground, step into new territories of the unknown, where the psychological mechanisms are not instantly ready to react into the defense and preservation of the self. Keep in mind that most frequently, the human mind acts in the self preserving and protection direction, so all reactions are conditioned to this main goal, does not matter how well does it know the area that is inserted.

A nice cosy room we built in our place. I used to sleep in this one during the winter and it was quite nice. To wake up with direct sunlight in a tree house kind of room, is really inspiring. 

Luca was a young Italian man, in his early thirties living in Amsterdam already for 3 years, trying to start a career in architecture. The year is 2011, Europe was facing a crises already for 3 years and that was why he decided to leave Italy. That and the fact he always wanted to live in a place where there was a more open to the unknown cultural background, more tolerance and more freedom. However he would find out that the Netherlands was not the hypothetical universe he expected. Dutch people were really living in a pre-conceived box where everything has a rule. Like physics that explains almost everything by formulas.It wasn't that obvious for him in the beginning. The first year went by with an internship in an architecture studio so there was no time to notice the existence of a vacuum in hi soul. Second year, he had to make a living so he start giving cooking lessons, as he's granny taught him how to. Success granted since Italian cuisine is quite a hit and really hip in dutchy lands.The new year had started, January one I the coldest month ever, and a kind of nervous short circuit kept possessing Luca everyday. It was something he could not describe, a kind of unquiet sense of living. A sentimental questioning and doubt. He thought that maybe the reason was he still did not have a job in architecture, that the lack of creative development was the reason for such negative thrill!

It was a celebration day in the Netherlands. The celebration of queen’s day or “koningdag” in Dutch. This would be a remarkable day for Luca. He was about to find the answers for a lot of his inner interrogations. Not in this day precisely, but the Universe found a way to get him in touch with someone that would open those unread letters in his mind. The meaning to all this doubtfull thoughts, unquiet bugs digging in his head.

In the middle of an outdoor party, on top of the canal with the view to one of the main canals of Amsterdam, that leads to the North Sea, this particular guys pulled his attention.

A middle-east, contemporary dressing, long hair with a few dreadlocks jumping out of his ponytail. Looked like a really happy, cheerful person. Jumping around, talking with everyone who crossed his way, sharing all his happiness by painting peoples faces. Others will ask him for cigarettes and he will roll them with pleasure, it looked like. Who was this intriguing guy, thought Luca. He had to meet him. No one could be such a nice a person, or at seems look like one. He was sure of either two things were happening, or he was on drugs, or he is just another wannabe hipster, that this positive outside was just fake.

Yes sometimes you just need to kick your own but! I mean it!

This comes because I have been trying to lose weight for a while. I’ve gain this muffin top that I’ve always hated. I actually always had it. But I don’t like it. Makes me feel insecure, ugly, fat, and fat reminds me of being lazy which I don’t like.

So this week I did it. I started working out! Well I went running twice for an hour. Actual running only happened for 25 minutes, and 10 were the walk from home to the river side. So I guess it is a good start.

I have made a complete working out plan, since I finally found some ballet classes for adults or individuals who stopped dancing for a long period of time.

So this is what is going to happen the following weeks:

Mondays and Wednesdays- Ballet;

Tuesday and Thursdays - Running;

Also I really started to be close to vegan which makes me feel really good, physically and mentally speaking.

Although you’re pretty sure of what you want to be, and what you want to do for your life, the road can be quite lonely.

Real freedom comes when you don’t feel that need to socially exist, more specifically to get energy from the external circle of your own mind. However is an essential part of the evolution process and you should be sure that if you don’t interact with other rationalized souls, you will not grow the full potential inside you. What I mean is the often need of being with others. Feeling that you should have not been missing the actual gathering between people you know, just because. Specially when you have important things to do professionally I mean.

First week of working out. Fighting to kill the muffin top.