My Little Love Bug's Life

Sergio, I couldn’t sleep at all last night. I woke up at every hour missing you. I cried all night because of how things are between us now.

All I want to do lately is stay in my bed and cry but I force myself to go out and be surrounded by people to keep my mind busy.

I wanted so badly to text you and to get a response back.

You haven’t said anything to me since May.. and the more time passes on the more I realize that you’re not coming back this time. It really is over between us and all I can do about it is work on moving on.

I just wish you were talking to me again and things between us are on good terms.

It’s been over a month since we last held a conversation. I miss you so much Sergio. The more time passes the more I begin to accept that it’s really over this time… I cried a little bit tonight just silently and only a few drop. A cry is a cry.

You’re not coming back.. are you?

This time really does feel different. You’re not coming back and we both know it.

I reached out on the instagram account that you unblocked. Then you blocked me again.

I guess it’s safe to say that you are committed to no longer trying.

It really is over between us.

Just like that.

At least I can move forward with dating other people knowing that you will never be part of my life again.

You made this decision, not me.

I realized on June 10 you unblocked one of my instagram accounts but not the other.. why? What was the point of that?

I went ahead and deactivated that account. I just pray that God gives me the strength to turn you away if you ever try to come back.

You have shown me who you are, you have shown me that it’s nothing more to you than just a fun time for a few hours.

How do you go from saying I love you too, to don’t come close to me.

All I can do is respect your decision and support it by removing myself from this situation.

I hope in the end, we both end up happy with whoever is meant to be in our future.

I cried really bad tonight. It got so bad I felt the pain in my heart and all I could think of was to call him to maybe hoping he would answer the phone and comfort me.

The reality is he didn’t. My number was still blocked my instagram is blocked and Facebook completely ignored. I left him a sobbing voicemail. Me at my most vulnerable state begging for him to talk things out. I have reached a new low.

Tonight i just continued to cry and cry until I comforted myself and told myself I’ll be okay.

I just miss him.

Dear S,

Today I missed you the most. I’m doing my best to not reach out to you.. and tonight I almost broke the streak. I figured, since I was the last to say something, if I mattered you would respond back. You haven’t said anything to me since April 4th. I wonder if you will be part of my life again or if that date night was the last time we’d be together.

I know I have to be okay and come to terms with the fact that we may not end up together but it just really sucks when for about a year I imagined spending my life with you and our kids. I do cherish every moment I spend with you and each time we get together is a new memory being made. I try not to think back to the past because that’s what brings me down. All the fun times we spent together all those little moments we get I keep wishing that’s how you’d treat me every day. I just really miss you, more than you’ll ever know.

1,2,3 strike a pose.

....

June 26, 2019

We went to eat seafood and you weren’t a fan of it.

You’re so silly bug. But I love you, always. This was our second time at Carmel. We returned to my favorite door.

April 13 and April 14 2019

Here we are celebrating Easter a bit early and you spending your second year at the Cambodian New Year celebration!!! Next year I’ll stick you in some Khmer outfits hehe

Much love,