valium girl

well I got hacked but have my account back now Formerly “eatdicks1992″, “nachoesandfeminism” before that, better known as formerly “kattomatic” Just incase you’re confused who tf this is.

People are still here and you’re the biggest babe ever, have a fab night x

uhhhhh is anyone still on here anymore? hello?

I think a lot about the person I was a few years ago and I have a lot of regret towards the bad decisions I made and people I hurt. I don’t want to make excuses, I’ve been very selfish and I’ve done wrong. There isn’t a day that goes by that I don’t feel sick thinking about it. On the days where I think I don’t, my subconscious unleashes the worst of my guilt when I dream that night. I’m guilty of letting my insecurities do the decision making, accepting any attention that came my way to gain instant gratification in attempts to just numb the issue at surface value. I do know that this aspect of me has been taken advantage of and manipulated before, and I’ve gone along with it because sometimes we can’t identify toxic behaviours when they’re coming from a friend. Because friends don’t do that, right? I wish that back then, I was who I think I might be now. I might have been able to look at things objectively, be assertive and say no. But I was so fucking stupid then. God fucking dammit, what was I even thinking? I can’t even begin to understand how one might rationalise what I’ve done. If I had to come across someone like who I was then, I wouldn’t get along with them at all. It’s hard to remember a time back then when I didn’t just follow the instruction  of people who I befriended or go along with whatever they said or wanted. I can remember plenty of times in that part of my past where guys would just start hooking up with me and I would think “okay I guess we’re gonna have to have sex now and it’s too late to stop now”. Shit I’m doing it again, making excuses. It’s just that the extent that I hated myself ran my entire life. Obviously I wasn’t completely inanimate or stripped of free will. I’m so fucking sorry and guilty and I don’t deserve to just get over it to feel better. I deserve to feel sick. I deserve to look over my shoulder everyday anticipating karma’s bite in my ass. And I probably deserve that karma too.