La la la

florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen

keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe

jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess

harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s 

lorde: 1920′s flapper era

hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE

john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would

many of Hozier’s songs reference being buried in the earth (In a Week, Work Song), and some are directly inspired by bog bodies (Like Real People Do, Run). two of the most famous Irish bog bodies, Old Croghan Man and Clonycavan Man, are dated between 392 and 175 BCE, and both are speculated to have been kings ritually sacrificed to the goddess of the land. in Take Me to Church, Hozier demonstrates a willingness to offer sacrifices to a goddess, and in Foreigner’s God, he thinks fondly upon the image of a pre-Christian Ireland (“when the land was God-less and free”). as well, Old Croghan Man is estimated to have been about 6′6, and Hozier is about 6′5. 

the only possible flaw in this theory is that in a Facebook Q&A (here at 5:28), Hozier says that he is over 3000 years old. 400 BCE only puts him at ~2400. it could be that after so many years he’s lost track of how many thousands, but another possibility is that he is more contemporaneous with an older bog body, the Cashel Man, also presumed to be a sacrificed king. that would put him closer to 4000 than 3000, but again, we could forgive an immortal for getting his millenia wrong.

I could have watched an entire episode of Holt and Kevin talking on the phone about rice. (via @santiagoswagger)