Good omens 3 If i wrote the movie
Disclaimer: I am not saying that mine is better, this is just how I would do it bc i like to write
WARNING YAPFEST!!! ITS LONG I REWROTE THE WHOLE MOVIE!!
Okay, we start off pretty much the same.
Aziraphale is in heaven having the worst time dealing with bullshit from mean ass angels (and Muriel <3)
meanwhile Crowley is having sadboy hours on earth, giving up his bentley for the bookshop everything sucks
All hell breaks loose when Jesus, looking for a semblance of a life he's lost, waffles off to earth and finds Crowley.
Crowley, despite being drunk as fuck, sobers up and has a "AAAH GABRIEL" moment bc hey i know you i havent seen u in 1700 year- JESUS??????
Meanwhile Aziraphale is trying his damndest to keep everything afloat and stick to his vision. But the only ones hearing him out are Muriel, and surprisingly... Michael.
Crowley is dragged to hell and asks if he knows the bullshit goin on in heaven and Crowley is like "dunno don't care" but inside he's shitting bricks bc Jesus is literally on earth eating cheesy bread and the demons are asking where tf he is.
meanwhile, Aziraphale is slowly being manipulated by michael into following a plan of their own, BUT!!! Aziraphale is a bit smarter and happens to keep suggesting things that move back with his Happy World plan. Michael, every time, has a moment of "... of course (:" but all of aziraphale's plans keep ending in "Coincidental" failure because of "Convenient coincidences" (Its michael you know i know we all know)
Muriel, being Aziraphale's emotional support angel (and lowkey exposition) Tells Aziraphale to ask for Crowley's help, but Aziraphale is hesitant.
Meanwhile, the archangels are watching Michael's downward spiral and they are all getting concerned. They go to the metatron for help but wouldn't ya know it? HES GONE.
Back on earth, Crowley is taking care of Jesus and taking him to his little gambling ring and Jesus manages to learn his lesson there, and manages to help Misty to the point where she helps them win against her father.
Aziraphale finally gives in to ask crowley for help when the Book of life goes missing as well as the fuckin metatron
Crowley ofcourse is not easily swayed into helping. It takes Aziraphale getting his bentley back (in the crossword scene bc i genuinely laughed so hard at that) to have crowley CONSIDER a chance. Meanwhile, jesus, after helping Misty, is now off wanting to help more people like he did all those years ago. Aziraphale and Crowley catch up with him and hijinx ensue.
All the while, Michael is spiraling further into mania as they call their connections in hell, Dagon. Dagon and Michael have a lil Toxic Yaoi/Yuri moment as they discuss, through begrudging tolerance, that the end times are afoot and that it can't be stopped.
Uriel walks in on Michael and Michael banishes them in a fit of mania. Camera pans out to show that the same has happened to Sandalphon. Muriel, terrified as FUCK runs to saraquiel. Saraquiel tells Muriel to run to Aziraphale to warn him of Michael's Manic Episode (... manic season...)
As the ineffable idiots help Jesus navigate the world, they slowly remember their their time as godfathers and it makes them reminisce. Through Jesus's Hijinx, we get to see them growing closer again as they are reminded why they fell in love in the first place; Their mutual love for humanity.
Aziraphale finally tries to explain to Crowley that he was just trying to save the humans he loves so much, but realized that Crowley was right about Heaven and its angels being flawed beings as well who also needsd guidance. Aziraphale thought he could provide that.
Crowley explains that its not easy to just forget about how pushed aside he felt, how unimportant and overlooked he felt when Aziraphale would dismiss his concerns thinking that he, like he was as an angel, was having his suggestions and questions ignored or punished
It doesn't solve there as Aziraphale's mind is still set on saving heaven and Crowley knows this, but its a step in the right direction.
all the while jesus is paralelling them as he preaches forgiveness and calls out to those of soho london who are lost, afraid and weary.
Just then, Muriel runs down and is saying that they know where the Book of life is, and that its being abused by Michael.
Before C and A can react properly, a whole chunk of land disappears and Jesus is like "??? did i do that????"
Now they need to find michael. They go to heaven and ask saraquiel but well.... it seems Michael got to them first.
So they go to hell and we get Aziraphale and Muriel's silly demon forms as Crowley stays behind with jesus.
While muriel and aziraphale are doing their silly moment (and i self-indulgently add eric and muriel interacting) Crowley and Jesus finally speak. Jesus talks about the past and how much he misses his friends and how mean the angels were. crowley talks abouy how the humans were mean too, why did jesus forgive all of them?
Jesus said that it wasn't easy but that at the end of the day he believes in humanity. That if he himself is human and feels love and goodness, that all humans must feel it too.
Crowley ponders this as another chunk of land disappears.
We get to see Michael traveling the galaxy, wide eyed and manic as hell, mumbling about the greater good and the plan and Gabriel's "betrayal" and Aziraphale's "incompetence" and how if they were the one to take down Satan then they could do it again that this was always meant to happen it says so in the book, this is god's plan it HAS to be? It doesn't matter if God hasn't spoken in millenia this is the right way!
Michael and Aziraphale will parallel eachother in trying to do the "right thing" but unfortunately leaving pain and destruction in their path to do so
Eventually the conversation with the Demons leads to the flashback of the war in the center of the universe with the eternal flame at the core. The flame looks different, you can see a bunch of flaming swords surrounding it indicating that this is where they were all forged.
Michael, walks up to the flame, and drops a bunch of pages in their wake. Each page that falls causes another catastrophe, but they don't disappear until Michael burns it, using the flaming sword from Aziraphale.
Michael drops aziraphale's sword into the pit and the eternal flame comes to life again. Michael keeps chanting prayers and God's name and the plan as they cry about how this is it, all of it was for God, how they were loyal and that only they can save God's plan.
Crowley and Aziraphale HAUL ASS towards the center of the universe, while Muriel and Jesus spend time on earth. Muriel helps Jesus around and Jesus slowly starts performing his own Miracles to help the humans escape the chaos.
Ineffables get to Michael who is on the final brink of sanity. They have several voices talking to them and they are in Pain and crying about to throw the book of life into the fire, aziraphale and crowley slowly try and calm them down and hand the book over. It almost works, until Aziraphale says that damn "I forgive you" line. Crowley looks up in shock and pain as Michael breaks again.
Michael yells about how they were the only loyal angel to God's plan and that the others should be the ones begging for forgiveness. They hold their head in pain as all the knowledge and voices yell at them to stop this and that they know something is wrong but Angels don't have free will and intellect so Michael just writhes in agony as they finally shatter and slam the book into the fire.
In a moment of desperation, Crowley pulls out the bookshop's page, as Muriel pushes Jesus into the bookshop recognizing the signs and hoping that the bookshop being a sanctuary will help. Wrong idea but it works!
The Bookshop is the only thing that remains as Aziraphale and Crowley, with nothing left to do, have the conversation about their relationship. Aziraphale asks for Crowley's forgiveness, but crowley still feels conflicted. He instead asks Aziraphale what he would do now that they have nothing.
Aziraphale instead replies that he would wait til crowley is ready. Even if it takes another 6000 years. Crowley pauses, contemplates, and then a stack of books falls
and there's Jesus. Standing there not knowing what to do.
They talk and ask Jesus how he got here, and Jesus is just as confused. Without warning, Satan (who has been perusing) explains that since this is the end of everything, they must hold onto anything.
Satan talks to Aziraphale and Crowley and Jesus and explains some things. Aziraphale starts to piece togethrr that crowley joined with satan because no matter what, satan had an answer for every question asked.
Satan has a silly moment introducing himself as Jesus's weird Uncle Brother??? and Jesus is taken aback. All of them are.
Satan, while a bit of a presence, feels just as human and grounded as the four of them do.
Satan admits that the war was truly for naught and that all he wanted to do was to prevent humans from suffering (I READ THE BIBLE I KNOW THE REAL REASON LUCIFER FELL) But went about it wrong.
Pride got the best of him, thinking that he could make a better world over God and soon it overtook him and his cause, which lost them the war.
Now they are stuck in the void here, awkwardly not knowing what to do, surrounded by blank books and the void.
Finally, crowley asks again, if it were possible to finally call upon God for some answers. Not like there was a hell to banish him to or a heaven to fall from.
Satan and Jesus look at Crowley and say that not even they have heard from God in a hot minute. The last person to talk to God in that room, was aziraphale. 6000 years ago.
Aziraphale prays to God and asks forgiveness, and everyone wonders why until he brings out his flaming sword. That he lied to God and that he just wanted to protect thr humans.
God startles them all saying "I knew. But I have a feeling that you already know that."
The ending plays out much like the original. God dodges questions while Satan answers them with vagueness. Finally, God gives them the choice.
Crowley and Aziraphale talk about humanity, and how there is so much good that can come from the angels and even the demons, if they just gave earth and humanity a chance.
But as they are about to make a decision, Jesus pipes up and asks Crowley if he could have an apple from the tree they are standing by.
crowley has a sense od deja vu as he asks jesus if thats really what he wants. Jesus says that there can't be harm in a little apple, and Crowley begs to differ. As he does though, Jesus takes an apple regardless and takes a bite.
Aziraphale is absolutely horrified but intrigued. Jesus says that he honestly ought to thank Crowley for making the humans what they were. Humans were nothing without free will and intellect, and that the apple was what truly made their souls.
Jesus then tells the two that they don't need to make a decision, because he has already made one.
Just like before, Jesus will sacrifice himself to bring the humans back. To give the angels, demons and humans all a chance to take a bite from the apple tree.
They go back and Jesus talks to his mother. He wants to save humanity at the cost of his life once more. Satan scoffs and asks him if he's serious, and makes a joke about how he's never allowed to live past a certain age isn't he?
But Jesus has made up his mind. He holds up a souvenir that he got from misty earlier in the movie and holds it close, saying that Crowley and Aziraphale were right and that humanity will always be worth it.
In the end, we get a sequence of Michael walking out of Heaven's elevator to join the angels and demons at a restaurant as Muriel is teaching Eric how to drink tea with saraquiel rolling their eyes.
Dagon and Uriel speak and sandlphon miracles a napkin to wipe off some crumbs from his shirt. Michael sits by them and awkwardly says hello, and they all stare pensively before offering them an apple tart and smiling.
the metatron serves a grilled cheese to the person Jesus had taken it from earlier and we see Misty sitting with them and helping her father into a seat with a cane.
Finally, we pan to the Ritz, where Aziraphale and Crowley are dining, finishing up a meal before walking to Berkley square. They sit on their bench, and look up at the evening sky. Aziraphale talks to crowley about how beautiful the stars really are and how much of an artist he is. Crowley interjects with a prod about being too sappy. Aziraphale apologizes snarkily, and Crowley, suddenly very sincere says that he forgives aziraphale.
Aziraphale, misty eyed, looks to crowley as Crowley takes his hand.
Later in south downs, we see them starring at the night sky and we FINALLY GET THAT KISS. A nightingale sings
as the camera pans out to reveal Jesus, sitting in a bookshop, writing "The End" on a once blank Book before closing it, looking around and smiling at the blank books he will fill.
AND FIN
lmk if i ate or if this is trash
