a veil falls upon you

ellen baker appreciation post  ↴ ginny & georgia | season 1, episode 1: pilot

ANNA TORV as Dr. Wendy Carr (Mindhunter) | 1.06

‘you and i both know that i could have returned at any time.’ emily reasoned as she placed a hand on the blonde’s shoulder. the only reason why she hadn’t wasn’t just for her safety but also her friends. ‘he just needs sometime.’

❛ you know exactly what could have happened if you did and i.. don't.. i don't regret what i had to do to keep you alive. ❜ blue eyes were filled with tears at the sacrifices that were made to keep emily safe from ian doyle, she knew why she was doing it, but she wasn't prepared to lose spence when she saw him every day by her side. ❛ he thinks i was wrong for doing it and i hate that more than anything. ❜

goodbye.  for your muse to hold mine as they lay dying in their arms.

“ i hope you know it's not the wine that makes me want you. ”　her hands slide along emily's shoulders before coming to cup each side of her neck.　“ though it definitely has a lot to do with how you look right now. ”　it was much more than that, but she's not sure she could muster the right words with how clouded her head had become.　“ have you thought about this before – me? ”　her eyes briefly stay fixated on darker ones she wants to slowly immerse herself in, settling for pressing her mouth softly along her jaw, her fingers drifting up curling into dark locks as she gently tilts emily's head. her mouth drops to her neck, tongue and teeth not wasting a moment before finding her pulse point and latching on, a hum mumbled against sweet porcelain skin.

the wine was something that lingered in the back of her mind, if it was the only reason she received the message to begin with. another part of her wondered if they were the same, where a bottle of red was the only time she let herself wonder the possibility of her and jj, allowing her desires to run free in her mind for a change. ❛ so you're telling me you would've changed your mind if i came in sweatpants? ❜ not that she could blame her, the teasing smile tugs at her lips at the thought of it. the next question has her lips parting at just how many times she's thought about the blonde, in what ways she's thought about her and many of those ways were far from innocent. ❛ you have no idea. ❜ she breathed, eyes closing at the feel of lips on her skin, her hands roaming down the center of her chest and then down her sides, giving her every chance to pull away. she lets out a noise she didn't know she was capable of releasing from low in her throat at the feeling of teeth and lips on her neck, and she grips at her hips, pulling her in, signaling the need for more.

it's not like you.　she almost wants to scoff, let out a bitter noise as she thanks her for noticing. really, it shouldn't be surprising; the behavior from anyone else might've not been concerning, but rarely did she ever miss a call, let alone shut her phone off – you could always get ahold of her.　“ maybe it is a coincidence. ”　if she tried sounding less defensive and more certain, maybe she would even believe herself. she had to do better than that to convince emily otherwise, she could already see the the exhaustion engulfing her, she couldn't add even more to it.　“ look, i didn't realize it was off, there's been a lot going on i guess i wanted a break. it won't happen again, you've got enough on your plate. i'll make sure its on. ”　forcing a smile as arms come to fold across her chest.

maybe it is a coincidence. she can't place the moment where the distance started, when she took over as unit chief and baugate was uncovered and it became impossible to look jj in the eyes again. she'd been under orders from above to keep it from her and the guilt caused bile to rise to her throat that someone out there took from her at her most vulnerable years, the innocence gone of no fault of her own. gold star coming closer to this, voit's taunts angered her more for that reason, it wasn't something she wanted revealed. ❛ a coincidence, right. ❜ there's disbelief in her tone, her eyes narrowing in on the blonde, concern written across her features. ❛ i know i want this case closed, we all do, but if you need the time, just tell me. i was worried, jj. with everything, the targets aren't just going to be on brian's back if they really want to get under our skin. ❜ and with the thousands of photos of jj on the site mixed with voit bringing it all up as a piece of leverage to get him out, she needed to keep an eye on her.

“ nothing's going on with me. ”　brows knit together as she tries to let out a laugh, the sound falling more strangled than anything as she clears her throat. this wasn't important – maybe it never had been and that's why she'd never been made aware. 　“ this case is taking its toll on everyone. i mean, you got arrested, emily. i should be asking you what's going on. ”　she tries to push it back, fingers lifting to her necklace as she tries to focus on emily, tries to relax each muscle in her face that threatens to contort and expose her completely.

❛ the point is there's not anything i can do about that right now, not until penelope goes every inch of that block's footage. ❜ she waved it off, as fixated as she was on the case, as much as she wanted it to be closed, brown eyes caught something different in the blonde's features over the last few days. she wasn't primarily profiling the way she would with the shift in her position. everything was focused and entangled with paperwork, with finding leads and making sure no stone was left unturned. ❛ you've never ignored my calls, jj. it's not like you, it wasn't case related or maybe it was because you never got to tell me what was on your mind. now, you're shutting your phone off. am i supposed to think that's a coincidence? ❜

THE BOYS 4.03 We'll Keep the Red Flag Flying

her hand resides in a fist, thumb slowly rubbing over each knuckle to try soothe the knot tightening inside her stomach as her mind tries to stay focused on what emily had said. she'd seen her name flash across the screen once, twice – continuing on until the hours blurred together, time no longer making much sense. none of the others had called, nobody was showing up at her door, it had felt safe to assume it wasn't case related. 　“ oh, you did? sorry, i had it turned off all weekend. ”　she doesn't believe herself,　(not for a single second)　shoulders lifting too quick, sight flicking down and shifting to the left before she's clearing her throat and finally looking at emily.　“ was it important? ”

“ i wasn't even a profiler back then, but you were. if you had stopped focusing on how i looked at him you would've seen who i was looking at before he even came along. why do you think it took me so long to marry him? ”　she'd foolishly held onto naive hope, until it never came. she'll always love will, that won't change.　(even if she was no longer in love with him)　she couldn't go back, even if she wanted to. he'd given her the two most important people in her life – the two she wants to protect and shield from all of this, from the terrifying thought of it ever being revealed to them.　“ you could've. but you never let me make that decision. ”　there's an urge to move closer, wipe away what falls from emily's face, until it all resurfaces and she stands still.

there's no doubt she's frustrated at what elias voit has brought on in combination with gold star now, but the layer of her that she'd held off for years being exposed made it impossible to mask the face that could be steeled so easily (save for her eyes). why do you think it took me so long to marry him? it had been something she considered during her late nights with cool sheets on the other side of her bed, but she swore it was all in her head. it had to be, there was no way jj would want someone who couldn't hold a relationship, someone that couldn't be fully open about her past, not with ian doyle dragging her down. ❛ i saw you with henry and knew i couldn't do anything after that, you were too good, you were happy. i saw what i wanted to with you, i was scared of ruining everything if that decision didn't go in my favor. ❜

she's barely gotten to her front door, hand submerged in her bag rummaging through for her keys when she hears the wait and her pulse skips, turning round as her brows knit together in confusion.　“ emily, what are you doing? ”

she moves out of the cab and walks over to her, waving the cab off and watches him leave before hearing the question. ❛ i don't want to take any chances with the case being what it is right now. there'll be other dates, i'll call the restaurant and pass on a message if i need to, but you shouldn't be alone tonight. ❜ the truth was she didn't want to be alone tonight, but a stranger wouldn't make her feel how she had been throughout the night already.