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hi this blog is now an archive, you can find me at the same url <3
annalise consistently seeking out people that hold some form of power over her (sam being her therapist) and how she falls for them in the hopes that they'll fix her - just in the same way she seeks out others (bonnie) to fix and mend.
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tloz: twilight princess (manga) starters
❝ i was shattered. i lost everything. ❞ ❝ i warned you not to take me lightly. ❞ ❝ we’re partners, aren’t we? ❞ ❝ ever since we’ve met, you’ve been disobedient and rude. ❞ ❝ take suffering as your companion, and unease and fear as friends. if you do, darkness will become light. ❞ ❝ it’s a cold world out there. you’ve gotta learn to trust folks. ❞ ❝ as you stand before me now, you’re all desperation and bravado. that is not true bravery. ❞ ❝ you can’t change your past and you can’t change who you were. you can only decide who you’re going to be. ❞ ❝ resentment is a trap of the heart into which everyone falls. ❞ ❝ you don’t look well. are you ill? ❞ ❝ you were born into life with a destiny. you cannot run away from that. ❞ ❝ you carry a smouldering darkness inside you. ❞ ❝ it’s considered impolite not to give your all in a fight. ❞ ❝ at dusk and dawn…it’s easy for all sorts of things to sneak by. ❞ ❝ since that day, so much has changed for me. ❞ ❝ i’m sorry. it’s been hard, huh? ❞ ❝ a true hero must shoulder a heavy responsibility. ❞ ❝ stay calm. move cautiously and remain vigilant. ❞ ❝ one more time. try telling the truth. ❞ ❝ why keep fighting until you’re just a broken wreck? ❞ ❝ if we start a fight, we must be ready to hit back. ❞ ❝ in the end, it’s easier just to be selfish. ❞ ❝ i was lost without you. i was lonely. ❞ ❝ why do i so often taste this sense of loss? ❞ ❝ i think both our journeys are pointing to the same place. ❞ ❝ power does not inhabit a blade without bravery. ❞ ❝ did you hear something? like the cry of a beast… ❞ ❝ what’s wrong? if you’re too weak, then just leave. ❞ ❝ what is strength? is it displays of power mocking the weak? destroying beauty simply to satisfy your greed? ❞ ❝ you get too worked up over things. ❞ ❝ easy for you to say. i’m the one getting beat up. ❞ ❝ i don’t need thanks. i didn’t do it for you. ❞ ❝ depending on your attitude…i might be able to help. ❞ ❝ if you don’t do as i say, i’ll take your arm off. ❞ ❝ as leader, i will not choose the path of pain and death for my people. i must protect them. ❞ ❝ strength isn’t about power…it’s about being brave. ❞ ❝ you have good eyes. the eyes of a proud beast. ❞ ❝ if the need arises, i will not hesitate to pick up a sword and fight. ❞ ❝ i guessed you had a secret past. people can try to hide it, but nature shows through. ❞ ❝ i was lying when i said i’d never held a sword.❞ ❝ there’s no time for sentimentality. ❞ ❝ if someone comes in who knows about your past, i’ll protect you if they try to hurt you. ❞ ❝ is there something strange about me? ❞ ❝ be careful…there have been monsters around here lately. ❞ ❝ choose…surrender or die. ❞ ❝ when i feel uneasy or afraid i just think: ‘this is my mission’. ❞ ❝ don’t take me for nothing more than a fine doll good only for decoration. ❞ ❝ i’m nothing more than dirt. i’m not worth all that effort. ❞ ❝ why do you think we’re any safer here? ❞ ❝ don’t die on me now. ❞ ❝ ha! even you have a good idea sometimes. ❞ ❝ i fought through all kinds of monsters to get here…and i survived. ❞ ❝ i’ve spent so long looking for you! i’m so glad you’re safe. ❞ ❝ people are always hovering over me…and it’s so suffocating! ❞ ❝ some detours lead to unexpected good luck. ❞ ❝ you say whatever you think…i’ve never done that. ❞ ❝ there is no greater joy than helping a friend. ❞ ❝ what do you mean ‘never mind’? ❞ ❝ these days such peaceful travels are rare indeed. ❞ ❝ wildly rushing into danger isn’t courage. ❞ ❝ didn’t you say there’s something you need to do, no matter what it takes? ❞ ❝ i sense unprecedented danger approaching. ❞ ❝ how do you feel now, looking back upon yourself at that time? ❞ ❝ as usual, you’re a wimp. ❞ ❝ resentment is dangerous. it comes in through the slightest crack in your heart. ❞ ❝ i’d go to the ends of the earth for you. ❞ ❝ it really hasn’t been that long, but you’ve grown into a fine man. ❞ ❝ now is the time for us to take back all that was stolen. ❞ ❝ one thing’s certain — those aren’t human. ❞ ❝ what do you fight to protect? answer. ❞ ❝ i wish you wouldn’t do such dangerous things. ❞ ❝ if you got hurt due to my mistakes…i don’t think i could live with that. ❞ ❝ why would you do all that…when we’ve only just met? ❞ ❝ it’s a pretty name. perfect for you. ❞ ❝ once your wounds heal, you’ll need to leave right away. ❞ ❝ the hero on his knees! quite a sight. ❞ ❝ how does it feel to be so strong? quite a rush, isn’t it? ❞ ❝ you’re all puffed up on your own arrogance…drunk on your own pride. ❞ ❝ i once wondered how good you are…now i see you’re really skilled. ❞ ❝ i’m not physically strong like you…but my wits, brains and analysis can be helpful. ❞ ❝ don’t say you can’t accept that this is the end. ❞ ❝ you just want to satisfy your own ambition and lust for power. ❞ ❝ it’ll be all right because we’re together. ❞ ❝ why would you leave me at a time like this? ❞ ❝ for the first time i feel like i’m overflowing with incredible power. ❞ ❝ there’s no time for doubt. you are the chosen one. ❞ ❝ your problem is that you demand absolute perfection. ❞ ❝ there is no easy path. but you can definitely overcome it. ❞ ❝ i’m so very sorry. i broke my promise. i hurt you. ❞ ❝ that’s the spirit. hate me more. only then will this fight be worthwhile. ❞ ❝ i thought you were dead. ❞ ❝ well…? say something. or has my beauty left you speechless? ❞ ❝ i never forgot you. not for one moment. ❞ ❝ sorry for killing the mood. ❞ ❝ light and shadow are two sides of the same coin. one cannot exist without the other. ❞ ❝ if you desire something…then that is my desire too. ❞ ❝ who says i’m afraid of you? ❞ ❝ your weapon is little better than a toy. ❞ ❝ all that awaits you is despair. ❞ ❝ i’ve done the unforgivable. i betrayed you. ❞ ❝ i’m here to repay you for what you’ve done. ❞ ❝ since i’ve met you, we’ve travelled a long way…and a lot has happened. ❞ ❝ are you on a journey of self-discovery? ❞ ❝ that was a great strike. if i was a hair slower, you’d have gutted me. ❞ ❝ when i was young, i wanted to be a hero. ❞ ❝ your struggle is futile. ❞ ❝ as you can see, i know how to fight. ❞ ❝ my hatred toward you will not be satisfied by merely killing you once or twice. ❞ ❝ you’ve been through a lot. ❞ ❝ whose side are you on? light or shadow? ❞ ❝ if you run then we’re done for! fight to survive! ❞ ❝ i’m not strong enough. not good enough. ❞ ❝ i must crush your bones, rip out your organs and relish your lingering cries of pain. ❞ ❝ that was close, huh? ❞ ❝ rest now. you don’t have to fight any more. ❞ ❝ i bear this sword so i can protect my home in times like this. ❞

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LIFE IS STRANGE: BEFORE THE STORM SENTENCE STARTERS ´ˎ˗
A compilation of sentence starters from and inspired by Life Is Strange: Before The Storm. Feel free to adjust as necessary. ♡
EPISODE ONE: AWAKE ——
“Hey... thanks for trusting me.”
“Whatever's going on between us is special.”
“You aren't a problem. You're a person.”
“My attitude is what makes me special.”
“Isn't it past your bedtime?”
“It isn't a big deal. Like, a hundred people submitted work, and my work won.”
“It would break your mother's heart to hear you being so disrespectful.”
“If you could travel anywhere, where would you go?”
“I wish I could tell everyone to get a life.”
“So far what I've learnt about you is that you're into acting, lying, and playing games.”
“I'm proud of you for being so self-sufficient but the whole world's not out to get you.”
“So—did you bring flowers for my dressing room?”
“I am excessively sober right now.”
“How would you like to join me on a little field trip?”
“Do I look cute—or do I look like I'm going to kick your ass?”
“We've been ditching now, for hours, and we haven't even gotten wasted yet. That's got to be against some school ditching rule.”
“You realize I hate your boyfriend with every fiber of my being, right?”
“You need to shape up, get your act together, and put someone else first for a damn change.”
“What I wouldn't give to leave this place and never look back...”
“You should be more careful. It's a rough place.”
“Sometimes when we're incredibly desperate and lonely, we choose the absolute wrong kind of people to let into our hearts.”
“I know you're dealing with a lot.”
“You earn a spot on the squad. You don't have your dad try to buy off the coach.”
“I figure if she's hanging out with you, she's got to be into some effed-up shit, you know?”
“You don't ask a girl out—then not buy her a drink.”
“Dream life over real life. That's my motto.”
“You're the real thing—and I don't know anyone like you.”
“I know all the world's a stage and shit—but I'm not an actor.”
“Whatever's going on between us, it's intense, and new, and awesome, and you had the courage to tell me that you feel it too, and I treated you like shit.”
“I don't like your attitude.”
“You sure you don't want to grab a bus or...”
“What happened to your face? Do you need to go to the nurse or something?”
“So, it's kind of weird that we're hanging out.”
“You make it so hard to trust you.”
“I've heard that actors are moody, but wow, [NAME].”
“So maybe your acting could use a little work—but at least you committed to the performance.”
“We're at the end of the campaign, so it'll only take like, twenty minutes? What else have you got to do before class?”
“I understand you don't need me as much as you used to—but I need you.”
“The honors student wants to show the school delinquent how to party? Be my guest.”
“Alright, here's the game: You find some people for us to spy on, then you and I will act out what they're saying and thinking.”
“So that's what we're doing now? Whatever your boyfriend likes?”
“You don't have to tell me anything you don't want to.”
“Trust with me is earned in actions, not words.”
“You know, you could actually be good at this, if you lost the attitude.”
“You're a badass, [NAME].”
“I couldn't let the day end with whatever this afternoon was.”
“Sometimes people need you though—even when they don't admit it.”
“I guess I forgot, it's always about how you feel, isn't it? Maybe you should try giving a shit about other people for once.”
“The whole point of lowering expectations is so you won't be disappointed in me ever again.”
“I think we should play two truths and a lie.”
“I hate that you're on the team now. You're such a loser.”
“Sitting in the back row and making fun of the drama kids might not suck.”
“That took me months to put together!”
“Sometimes when you meet someone who's going to change your life, you just know it, I guess.”
“Your boyfriend's an asshole.”
“At least my family pays tuition. How much financial aid does your deadbeat dad need again?”
“You used to love to learn.”
“I don't want to ruin this the way I ruin everything else in my life.”
“I'm not moody—I just need some space. Is that alright with you?”
“I'm serious. Let's do it, [NAME]. Let's leave this place forever.”
“These days I'm at like, the collegiate level of not giving any fucks.”
“Not everything revolves around you, [NAME].”
“I'm lucky that you were with me today.”
“You really don't think before you act, do you?”
“You don't know how lucky you are to have a mother like yours.”
“Didn't you two go out last night, or was it like, a friend thing?”
“Look at that get-up. Studs? You're trying too hard.”
“I thought we were having a great day together. Why are you acting like this all of a sudden?”
“Are you kidding me? I know you're like, the school princess and all, with the perfect grades, and everybody kissing your ass but seriously? Fuck you.”
“I want to talk to you about something—but I don't know how to talk about it.”
“Sometimes all I want to do is shut my eyes and tell the world to go to hell.”
“Don't be surprised if one day I'm just out of here.”
“I like games. Deal with it.”
“Sometimes I feel like I've got no reason to stay.”
“[NAME], I'd really like some space right now.”
EPISODE TWO: BRAVE NEW WORLD ——
“That text was a rare courtesy, by the way. I don't normally get involved in other people's dumb decisions.”
“I cannot imagine how difficult these last few years have been for you.”
“Can we do this later? I don't think I can handle another fight right now.”
“Hey, I was thinking that... after the show, we could go do something, just you and me.”
“You know what we both could do with? Therapy. You start. Kick back and tell me what's bothering you.”
“I know what you did. The money, in my bag? And I appreciate it, but where did it come from?”
“I'm starting to feel like everything in my life is bullshit.”
“He's hurt and he needs help—but whenever I try to help him, it always seems to make things worse.”
“I've been wanting to make a move on [NAME] but not if you two were together.. so are you?”
“You're making me think you're nervous about something.”
“I'm tired of living up to the perfect image everybody expects out of me.”
“I think we should leave tonight.”
“Are you sorry? You don't even know what you're apologizing for.”
“If you want to talk to me, you know you can, right?”
“[NAME], what would it take to convince you?”
“I've been shutting you out even though I've needed you, and you need me, and I know that.”
“If you don't mean this, it's just making me feel like shit that this life you're describing isn't going to happen—...”
“You've gone through so much shit today.”
“Your willingness to stand by me even now is inspiring.”
“I'm sorry your life is a mess but it's not my fault, 'kay?”
“I know our parents have been shitty—but we can't just leave them.”
“Do you think there's a point where you've been acting so much that you don't even have your own personality anymore?”
“Are you getting cold feet? I thought you were all bye-bye [LOCATION] last night.
“So my new friend, who everyone thinks is perfect, did something batshit-fucking-nutso last night. What do I do?”
“Aren't you supposed to be at home, thinking about your endless list of questionable decisions?”
“You're just whatever you think other people want you to be.”
“You've been through a lot and a lot of people unfairly judge you for it.”
“We're not friends. We don't braid each other's hair, or whatever dumb shit girls do together.”
“Are you angry all the time because you like the way that it feels, or is it merely a desperate defense against experiencing true intimacy with others?”
“You know you're never supposed to tell an actor 'good luck' before a show? It's bad luck, and you're supposed to say 'break a leg.'”
“How do you know which way is up, when your whole life has been turned upside down?”
“It's like you always say, I'm the worst student the school's ever had. Doesn't it feel good to be right?”
“This isn't a fight, [NAME], it's a conversation.”
“In a million years, I never would have thought you would choose [NAME] over me.”
“Why can't you just tell me the fucking truth? Stop lying!”
“Listen, we've got some business to discuss. Where can we meet?”
“What if I said let's leave tonight?”
“You're more of a hero than I think you realize.”
“Hey, uh, I wanted to say it sucks what's happening to you.”
“They hate me—and they're just going to laugh at me.”
“You said you wanted to skip town and never look back, and like I said last night, let's do it.”
“You just need someone who likes you for who you are and isn't afraid to call bullshit when needed.”
“[NAME], look, whatever you saw or whatever you think you saw... I know it's hard, but I need you to trust me.”
EPISODE THREE: HELL IS EMPTY ——
“I believe [NAME] trusts you more than anyone else right now.”
“Everyone dies sooner or later. It's okay—I can handle it. I've had a short... but adventurous life.”
“You didn't have to bring me ice cream.”
“I've always loved stars. They remind us there's so much beauty out there, which we almost never see.”
“I think you're the only one in the world that I can trust.”
“Just remember that I'm here, okay? If you suddenly need something.”
“No one else gave a shit about you except for me.”
“She's so young, you are too, but you've experienced loss. Protect her from that.”
“I just think it's sweet you wanted to take my photograph.”
“You saved my life. You hear me? You. Saved. My. Life.”
“It's not about what you can and can't do. It's about the greater good. I know you'll make the right call.”
“If I want to stay sane, I need to stay busy.”
“I'm worried I missed something important.”
“I think I need to lie down.”
“I know wherever she is, she loves you so much.”
“The truth can be hard to look at. Is this really something you're ready for?”
“I could barely believe it when she picked me. Sometimes I think that's what kept me blind for so long.”
“I'm going to tell you everything. Everything I've shielded you from for so long.”
“I can't trust any of them.”
“You cook all the time. I want you to have a break at home.”
“Will you at least tell me where you're staying?”
“Look at me. Hey, look at me. It's going to be okay.”
“It doesn't matter how painful the truth might be. You don't lie to someone that you love.”
“Start over and tell me everything. I'm not going to chastise you or blame you, I just need to know the whole story.”
“You're going to be a good dad.”
“The stars we're seeing have already been dead for millions of years. They're all lies.”
“I'm the one that cares about you, me, not [NAME].”
“It pained me to hurt them like that... but I'd do it again, and again, and again to keep you safe.”
“Your dad's a real piece of shit, you know.”
“I guess I'm not great. [NAME] and I were really happy a few hours ago... and now..”
“[NAME] said they feel a lot safer around you.”
“If you can't save everyone, you should at least save someone. Save yourself.”
“It'll be some time before [NAME] wakes up—but I promise I'll let you know when she does.”
“This is exactly what I was afraid of.”
“I made myself believe she was still a good person.”
“I'm glad you're here, [NAME].”
“Don't be afraid, [NAME]. You're destined for great things.”
“Don't fucking touch her.”
“We never actually escaped, did we?”
“Maybe the lies we tell each other are less horrible than the truths we keep hidden.”
“I have no idea what's wrong or what's right in this situation. I just know that whatever you decide, I'm in.”
“I see you for what you truly are, a destructive person.”
“When you meet someone who changes everything, you just know.”
“I don't want to be an actor. I just want to be myself.”
“I'd do anything to keep you safe.”
“When will you realize what they're doing to you?”
“Well, my room's down the hall. You should come by sometime.”
“I'm grateful [NAME] has someone as strong as you.”
“They're so cute—but not as cute as you.”
“Well—maybe they're different now. People change, right?”
“You're like, the most heroic person I know. You help everyone. It's my turn to save you from something.”
“I'm— I'm not staying long. Just picking up some stuff.”
“Are you coming home tonight?”
“Touch her again and I'll kill you.”
“Becoming your father was the greatest moment of my life.”
“[NAME] was there for me—and they did everything they could to protect me.”
“Who cares if the stars are dead? As long as we can still see them, that means they're real, to us, right?”
“He's a liar, and a cheater, he'll screw you over the first chance he gets.”
“Don't worry about me, okay? I— I can take care of myself.”
“[NAME], I'm seriously worried about you.”
“If you're this useless now, what are you going to do at 3AM when the baby needs something?”
“You guys— you've grown close, haven't you?”
“That's it? That's your apology?”
“I had to hide the game from the nurse. She thinks it's 'negatively affecting my mood.'”
“You're one in a hundred infinities, [NAME].”
“Stop suggesting that they're somehow bad for me—”
“I'll find her—then I'll tell her how fucking cool you are.”
“Are—... Are you in some kind of trouble? You can tell me if you are. I'm not going to judge.”
“I can't imagine what I would do if I lost her.”
“I don't go to a fancy academy—but that doesn't strike me as smart.”
“It's all lies, everything, my entire life..”
“Hey... Sorry for losing it there.”
“Hey, maybe you should let me drive.”
“You're stronger than you realize.”
“You don't scare me, asshole.”
“You know you don't have to make me breakfast. I'd settle for flowers.”
“When will you have time—for me? You have all the time in the world for [NAME].”
“I'm sick of you not seeing who [NAME] really is.”
corporate wants you to find the differences between them-
❝ everybody's falling in love and i'm falling behind. ❞ ✉ @vaeile.
if you'd told her ten years prior she'd be sitting in her own apartment, emily prentiss at her side with an empty bottle between them, another being used to top up each of their glass, she may have asked why the future would zero in on this particular moment and what weight it would hold, but she wouldn't be mad about it. no, instead it'd fill her with joy – euphoria unleashing itself inside her body. she wasn't alone! she'd built a new family full of individuals that complete her in different ways. she never wants to be away from them ever again.
“ love isn't a race! ” gently swatting at the woman sitting beside her as penny takes another sip from her glass, sitting herself up and carefully discarding the crystal onto her coffee table. “ you're not falling behind anything, there is no time limit to love, honey. ” a small grin forming on her face, fingers pushing back rimmed frames. “ you are a very lovable person. but we are not having a pity party, because then i will have to accept the fact i fell for a man who i knew wasn't trustworthy and still fell for and then it's going to get very messy. ”
we’ve had a pretty fucked up year. ✉ @doomdays.
her head is still spinning, an ache submerged deep within that stings each time she dares to touch it. the words from her mother pull her from each thought, immediately easing the tension stifled through her – lips cracking at each side, shoulders slugging as the tightness loosens before its inevitable reel. fucked up was an understatement. but it still earns the shake of her head; even in the most grueling of times could her mother still make her feel safe and sound. at first she'd been waiting for the gotcha! moment – the one in which the camera's roll out, all those they've lost coming out covered in guts galore as they grin from ear to ear showing her it was all a facade; a shitty fucked up prank! the longer she sat waiting, waiting, waiting for her mother to come to it, the more she knew here's no waking up from such a nightmare. “ i don't know if fucked up really covers it, mom. ” carefully she shifts to the edge of her seat, reaching across the bed to take a hold of her mother's hand. “ i'm just glad you're still here. ” thinking too intently about the what ifs – all that could've gone wrong only blurs her vision and tightens her chest, so she steers clear, gently squeezing her mother's hand instead. “ how are you feeling? ”
❛ i've got no clue what i was thinking agreeing to it, i should've thought it through a lot more than i did. ❜ the closer they get to jj's, the closer they get to the restaurant where it all becomes a reality that she's dating and she could've messed it up with the drinks in her system already. hearing the question, she realizes it wasn't exactly a team oriented mission because it was penelope's birthday after all. she deserved to have as many people there as she could, especially with the fact that she missed it. emily wasn't wanting to drag them all down with her just to find out who gold star was. ❛ yeah, i had her meet me around midnight. ❜ she waved the apology off and shook her head, ❛ you don't need to be, you've got enough at home and with our case load piling back up again you deserved a night off, no interruptions. ❜ worrying more people on the team than necessary felt ridiculous especially when people (rossi) was looking at her like she was the one losing it.
❛ you don't need to go there, don't need to think about that yet. ❜ the truth was emily didn't want to think about being a wing woman to jj if the time came where will wasn't involved. it would only cement the fact that there wouldn't be a point in time where jj thought they were a good idea. ❛ you're lucky i went easy on you and didn't throw any latin in there. ❜
it was a wonder how will not only got the chance with jj but was able to keep her there, it felt ridiculous he didn't remind her of how lucky he must've been to be with her. ❛ anyone, trust me, there's not many people that could do that, but you're one of the few. ❜ the words surrounding who it was make her wonder and she doesn't automatically assume it's her, it's probably anyone else, maybe a married man so doesn't pry. there's a comfort in not knowing, especially with what the likelihood would be on emily not liking the answer. ❛ you tried to be somewhere and stayed, can't say that i did the same. the only thing i've ever known is this job, what we do it matters more than most people understand. ❜ that was always the thing about dating she hated, it wasn't finding someone that wanted her for her looks, it was someone willing to get what she did and not come after for it later.
her eyes are locked on the blue ones across from her and it makes her swallow, she swears there's more to them than what they've shared, but god she could let her mind wander where it shouldn't. she can't hide the frown at the reminder of her date, one she should be looking forward to, but everything that transpired over the course of the night made her want to be elsewhere. ❛ right, tomorrow. ❜ she breathed out, eyes watching the other woman disappear before she finally moves to stand up, handing the cab a large enough bill to cover the fare and the tip. ❛ jj, wait. ❜
“ you were thinking maybe you deserve someone in your life. you can't think it through too much. ” a lot had changed from when she'd last seen the other with mendoza. it had been then something lifted inside, a peculiar and unsettling feeling that she believed she'd buried in the past. she ought to have known burying ones feelings would never do her any good, it never did. “ explains why she left before i did, usually she's the last. you wouldn't have been an interruption, emily. i would've been there if you asked. ”
yet. at this rate, it might be the only thing she's sure about. perhaps it had always been inevitable, a long time coming – one she should've seen coming. her path had always been paved back to the past – to people she thought she'd never be. “ my minds already gone there, but that's still the last thing i'd want to be doing. ” there wasn't a slither of a desire to go on dates, to unravel all her bearings and get to know somebody who wouldn't be able to handle the chaos of her life. “ easy, right. nothing to do with you not being able to admit there are some things i'm better at. ” unable to help the tease in her tone or the smirk that washes across her face, eyes shining just a tad too much. rolling her eyes, doing her best to contain the heat flaring across her cheeks. “ one of the few, okay charmer. ” she'd like to believe it, not that she thought so low of herself, but it hadn't been a thought to occur when she was married. “ that's all i've ever known, sticking it out. especially when it comes to the bau. all of it. ” it goes deeper than her marriage, than anything she feels for emily – but she hasn't reached that level of despair to start unwinding.
she's barely gotten to her front door, hand submerged in her bag rummaging through for her keys when she hears the wait and her pulse skips, turning round as her brows knit together in confusion. “ emily, what are you doing? ”

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she doesn't need to be a profiler to know why jj doesn't want to be around when she has to disclose it to the team, or penelope at least. she wanted to keep it as contained as she could, no matter how much she trusted them, they didn't all need to see it. ❛ i'm only bringing in penelope in with this now, when you're not here anyway. ❜ it was the one thing that she could do for jj and there was no way in hell she wouldn't give her the one thing she was asking for.
it wasn't the way she wanted it to come out, it wasn't what she wanted, but if jj wanted the truth she would give her something even if it was at the wrong time. ❛ you wanted to know what else i was holding back, you wouldn't stop until i said it. you think this was how i wanted to tell you? god, i would've taken it to the grave if i had to. ❜ she could've lived with it and now it was in the air between them, what elias voit wanted to destroy between the bau was easily being swallowed up by every wrong action that she made. maybe dave was right, maybe it was time to take a step back, to quit digging her own grave. ❛ that's not why i said it, jj, i'm not trying to make you feel better or myself. ❜ every moment that passed after the words were said only made her feel worse and the comparison to will was what took the cake. despite the predicament, the caution she should've treated the blonde with, there's a flash of anger in her eyes with her jaw clenched. ❛ someone's using you as a pawn, it's my job to protect you and this unit. what will does isn't the same and you know it. ❜ her own justification is weak, honest but it didn't make any of it right. ❛ i should have told you i get it, but it was to save you from what you're feeling now. ❜ she should've realized that betrayal was going to be one of the consequences, one of the dominant feelings for keeping this. her eyes are stuck on jj now as she reels and she feels the warm liquid flow down her face at the reminder of the one chance she did have to take what she wanted. ❛ i didn't know, i didn't think he'd last. you deserved a chance with someone, i saw how you looked at him and i couldn't take it away from you. he gave you what i couldn't. ❜
“ when she takes it down, voit's inner circle might find other ways - and it could... she'll never forgive herself if she's the reason for something going wrong. ” she shakes her head again, unable to drag herself back to what had kept her up all night. staring into nothing as her mind spun round and round. even if they could finally find gold star – put voit behind bars for life, there was still too many out there that could easily pull it all up again; or do worse.
“ i thought it was work related, i didn't think you were holding that back! i didn't think you ever felt that way. ” it had been a figment in her own imagination, something she'd buried deep down with each step she took closer to will. she doesn't know where to put herself, her thoughts racing as they dive into each hurdle, unable to shake it off but carry it with her as she rounds the track.
the reminder of being used has her arms slipping round her own body, blunt nails digging into her sides. she knows emily's right, they weren't on the same playing field. their only common denominator was being the only two people she'd ever truly loved that had been letting her down – taking away decisions she should've been allowed to make, regardless of how much the choice would've pained her. “ save me from what i'm feeling now? you have no idea what i'm feeling! its not you – it's me. why did it have to be me? ” it causes a pang beneath, her insides shattering, causing her face to crumble as her fingers quickly come to cover her mouth as she sucks in a shaky breath.
“ i wasn't even a profiler back then, but you were. if you had stopped focusing on how i looked at him you would've seen who i was looking at before he even came along. why do you think it took me so long to marry him? ” she'd foolishly held onto naive hope, until it never came. she'll always love will, that won't change. (even if she was no longer in love with him) she couldn't go back, even if she wanted to. he'd given her the two most important people in her life – the two she wants to protect and shield from all of this, from the terrifying thought of it ever being revealed to them. “ you could've. but you never let me make that decision. ” there's an urge to move closer, wipe away what falls from emily's face, until it all resurfaces and she stands still.
there was doubt in her leadership left and right, this was the time she understood, but coming from jj it hurt more than she could say. ❛ i'll go to her now because i can't go back and change what i didn't do. ❜ she lets out a sigh, knowing she failed her and realized everything she felt and any hope she had years ago for something coming out of the feelings was gone anyway. the words edged at the back of her throat for over a decade and she blocked them time and time again until they had to come out. she didn't have anything to lose and the thought of it made her eyes prick with tears.
❛ fuck. ❜ she muttered to herself, her breathing slowing as she realized the options were running out there were no more excuses or runarounds now. ❛ for years i loved you, i... you had will and it's terrible, i know. when you fall for someone, you think about them in every way. ❜ her jaw steeled as she inhaled deeply, continuing on, ❛ i saw the pictures and i knew they weren't you, i wanted to take them down myself without any of you involved because i didn't know how far i'd go. ❜ she let out another breath, it felt like a weight was lifted from her shoulders only to be filled with another as the words hung in the air. ❛ there was no chance for you and i after all the time it was, but this was how i know i'd fucked up so it wouldn't be a no, it would be never. ❜
“ don't go to her yet, just– ” lifting her head, letting out a sigh. “ i don't want to be here when she finds out. when any of them do. ” well, at this rate – it'd only be tara and dave left in the team who didn't know. how was she supposed to face any of them? she hadn't even told will yet, how could she?
the curse has her head turning, sight fixating on emily and its only now jj can visibly see the stress tensing through her body. what she doesn't expect, is for what falls from her lips that causes a pang beneath her chest, one that slowly feels like it might be caving in. maybe she shouldn't have pushed. left it alone, left it all alone. two days earlier her life hadn't been this. it was too much information hitting her, too many things changing the trajectory of her whole life, beginning to now. “ what. ” she can barely get the words out, thankful she's already sitting with how much her knees want to buckle and drag her further down. her hand lifts to her necklace, fingers squeezing the metal as her other hand plants itself on the coffee table, fingers curling around the edge. “ you do not get to tell me that now. not after i– jesus, emily. what the fuck? ” she'd wanted anything to focus on other than what she'd uncovered, what's still sitting front and centre in her mind tormenting her as the seconds tick by. she just hadn't thought it would be this. “ no. you do not get to pull that card. ” forcing herself to stand, albeit wobbly, tightening her jaw as she forces herself to focus on emily, boots taking her towards the woman. “ you don't get to pull that! not now. you don't get to keep something like this from me and then tell me you loved me! god, i am so sick and tired of the people i love keeping everything from me because they think its for the best! first will, now you. you two are no different! its lie after lie to save your own asses! ” her voice shouldn't lift, but it does, the disbelief woven through as her vision starts to blur, tears building round her eyelids. her chest rises and falls far far too quickly as her palm flattens itself out against her chest, doing her best to steady her raging pulse from knocking her out. her head shakes, eyes closing as she rubs her lips together, tries to think of anything that isn't her heartbeat threatening to burst through her chest. “ you want to know the worst part of it all, emily? i fell in love with you, and all you could do was push me into will's arms. ”
as practiced as she was at navigating around how she felt about jj, the walls were closing in around her in a way that made sense beyond what the truth was. the truth wasn't something she said out loud, admitted to anyone because it could spread and expose her and tear down the life she built and the one jj already had. it wouldn't have been fair to either of them and there it was, at the worst possible moment.
❛ my options were limited jj, i couldn't get penelope on it. you know as well as i do, she wouldn't have been able to handle it, not when it comes to you. ❜ she could barely stomach it and the only reason she could was because she had to, it's the role she stepped into and one that forced her to step away from what the right thing was. ❛ you mean a lot more than you'll ever know, than is fair for me to tell you when... ❜ she shook her head, eyes finally landing on the blonde, her breath hitched at the base of her throat. ❛ i handled it wrong, okay? i just didn't want to see you hurt, you're the one person that's never done anything wrong here. ❜
she wouldn't have been able to handle it. oh, that tightens the knots in her stomach, the vile climbing up the inside of her throat once more. she could already envision the pity that'd wash across penelope's sweet face – tearing the light from her eyes, pushing her further into despair. the woman had seen it all, and yet – even jj knows this would be the tipping point. she wouldn't be able to handle the looks from the other, just as much as she can't handle emily barely casting a glance in her direction. “ limited? we have the worlds best tech. the only tech that has ever been able to fix, anything – and you didn't even try. ”
fingers dig into her skull, teeth sinking into her lower lip till she's sure she's drawing blood. she can barely take it; its kept her up all night, crawling home to an empty space, nobody but her own two arms to keep her safe and contained. how was she supposed to face will? her boys? “ fair? you really want to talk about fair? emily, at this point. whatever it is you're holding back for my sake, stop it. i need you to be honest with me. i need you to tell me what the fuck is going on because i am slowly losing my damn mind. ”
she doesn't have to see the expression on her face, the glance she does give the blonde to know it's bad. she knew there would be blowback if it ever came out, but she hadn't counted on it until it was contained. she was really doing a bang up job the more it all came down on her and this was the one she would've fixed over all of the others if she could. there weren't words or apologies that would make any of this okay, it left her at a loss because the only thing she could do was go back and bring jj into the loop. instead, she sat on it and monitored it enough to make sure it didn't shift anywhere but that portion of the dark web. ❛ look, i made a bad call, a terrible call and i'd go back ant tell you if i could, but i can't. ❜
every word thrown at her was deserved, it was what she learned she'd have to take on with the roles she took hold of, but it coming from jj was harder than it would've been coming from anyone else. the muscles in her neck tightened, her lips pressed together as she finally brought her head up to meet the blue eyes, ones that she could see pain in behind the anger and her lips part to say something, anything to dial it back and she comes up empty. ❛ that's not.. god, jj. ❜ she lets out a breath, eyes glancing up at the ceiling for a moment before redirecting her gaze back to the blonde, giving way to the memory of when she saw the pictures so she can give jj what she wants (the only thing she's asked). ❛ you don't have a clue what you mean, why i did it. i know you're not new, it would've been easier if you were. ❜
it was easy to redirect her pain elsewhere rather than focus on the pain circulating inside. she'd been tortured before, came to face death more than once; this exceeded them all. rubbing her skin raw wouldn't do enough justice, it wouldn't take away what's seared into her mind. she wanted to claw away at her skin till her insides were removed and she was nothing more than a living carcass – unable to be identified, to be viewed so explicitly heinous.
“ then tell me! tell me what i mean. ” her chest lifts high, head shaking as her palm flattens against her chest, the metal from her necklace digging into the centre. her sight doesn't leave the other, trying to focus on anything but the way her vision blurs, her knees threatening to buckle. “ i don't need to know why you did it. its the same reason i lied to the team about you, you did it to protect me. i get that. what i don't get is that you saw it – you saw all of them. and instead of telling me... all you could do was turn around and walk away. even now you can't – you still won't look at me. its why you don't want anything to do with me anymore. why you can hardly look at me – talk to me. ” it builds itself high inside of her till she has to sit, finding the edge of the coffee table as she falls down with a quiet thud, face burying itself in her hands.
it's awful and she knows it, she's always been able to keep a handle on secrets longer than most people and this was one she wanted to resolve before it got out. it didn't look like she had the option and god, had time passed too quickly. ❛ a few years, maybe three or four. we've been caught up with sicarius and everything else got put on the back end. ❜ a hand ran through her hair as she heard the blonde continued with every concern that came to her mind.
❛ i know you do, jj. god, i know. it's one of the reasons i wanted to fix it first, i didn't want that burden to be on you. you have more than enough going on and... ❜ she let out a sigh as everything came full circle, jj finally bringing up how difficult it was to look at her and she swallowed again. ❛ i didn't, i should've but you never deserved any of this, jj. i couldn't fix it without penelope because i thought you deserved to have someone who could still see you the same. how was i supposed to look at you when i didn't protect you? ❜ it just served as a reminder how much she was failing at her job.
it hits her then, a forceful wave crashing over that whirls her down, down, down. years. emily had known for years, she shouldn't ponder on it, search through her memories for the exact moment emily had started pulling herself away – unable to even look at her, just as much as jj can't seem to look at herself when passing a mirror. a sickness threatening to climb up her throat and decorate the contents around her. “ oh my god. ” eyes are widening in disbelief, the tightness in her chest expanding as her body shakes, fingers reach for her necklace as she clutches the metal as tight as possible.
“ i have more than enough going on? fuck you, emily. don't treat me like some newbie with training wheels on. you and i have been doing this long enough. you should've told me! how could you keep this from me? were you ever going to let me know? god, have i meant nothing to you? ” she wants to laugh at the irony, how cruel it all felt. there's no stopping what spills down her face, the back of her hand quickly lifting to swipe each tear away. penelope would've told her straight away, the other blonde couldn't keep a secret to save herself; but this... oh, she could already see the pity that would come to decorate her delicate face and it made jj feel worse. “ look me in the eyes when you're speaking to me. ” her jaw tightens again, lifting her chest as she pushes herself across the room to where emily resides. “ i want to see your disgust. ”

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her head nods slowly in its place, eyes focused on the sight in front of her. it's one she's looked away from since the minute she'd become aware of what was on the site and what the focus of it was. ❛ i'm not. ❜ she wasn't mad at luke the way she was herself, she thought she could stop it and tear it all down before it was something that jj had to endure. she'd endure all the pain she could for her as long as she could. this wasn't what she wanted, she could see the look in her eye and it made her upset for herself for wishing for something a bunch of desperate men created that didn't see a harm in it.
it's there in the open, what the right thing was and she couldn't be upset with luke about it. she needed jj's focus on the case and ripping off the band aid now wouldn't have been the right call. the further up the ladder she climbed, the more it became about politics and god, she hated politics. ❛ i thought i could get a handle on it, i.. ❜ she ran a hand through her hair as she moved the glass of red wine aside. ❛ it wouldn't have done you any good and it's not. i should've given you the choice, maybe if i had voit wouldn't be able to hold it over us. ❜ she purses her lips at the reminder that while the focus of it's jj, there's a video that kept her from letting her know, the blonde wasn't the only woman on that page or video. it was a damn nightmare.
she doesn't know where to direct her anger – the pungent taste of acid on her tongue that spreads down into her stomach, twisting each knot tighter and tighter. its an instinct, to keep her arms around herself, even with what she wore – a new found sense that she was very exposed. “ you thought? just how long have you known about this, emily? ” luke could barely meet her eye, now she knows why. not that she's sure he's looked at the site, something telling her that he's preventing himself from doing so. or maybe that was jj's wishful thinking in wanting to know who had seen it, who saw her in such a state.
“ its why voit kept calling me jennifer. not agent jareau, not even jj. its how i addressed the public back then. ” shaking her head, jaw tightening as liquid continues to build and burn round her eyelids. she was at a loss for words, at a loss for what to feel. it was too much, the walls closing in on her, too many eyes following her. “ i have kids! what if this got out there – what if somebody from henry's school– ” stopping herself with a gasp, a shaky hand lifting to her mouth as her eyes close, liquid spilling down her face. “ you came to work every single day, and you said nothing. you couldn't even look at me! ”
@svnbleach said: “what the fuck, emily!” from jj
god he had one job, luke couldn't follow the one order that she gave him. it was one that was meant to protect her, nothing good would come from it. emily knows beneath it all, she's the one accountable for witholding the information from her all because she didn't think that jj deserved to carry that burden. ❛ luke told you, didn't he? ❜ she pursed her lips and swallowed, knowing from the swear that there was nothing else that could be responsible for it.
it was horrific to see the person she loved at one point exposed that way, even if it was fake and she wanted to burn the site down and every image that came with it. garcia would've been able to scrub it, but she knew that was someone that wouldn't keep it from the blonde and she needed discretion until she could get it under control. she just needed a little more time. ❛ tell me you didn't look. ❜
she'd understood why emily hadn't said anything at first – the discretion being the obvious choice; doing her job. along with the fact it wasn't much of a threat, torn down a decade ago. why bother wasting breath or testing fate? it wasn't hurting anyone. even when luke had mentioned a secret, she knew voit's plan immediately; together they could uncover it all – tear them apart and they all fall down. “ he did. and you're not going to be mad at him. not about this. ”
she can't look at the other, too afraid of what might come out – how she'll react. “ he thought i should make the call, instead of having it made for me. ” she hasn't been able to think accordingly, her whole body and mind finding itself slipping back into that state of freeze. “ injure. jean. fear. a god damn anagram. why was luke the one to tell me this? why the fuck didn't you? ”