not sure who's still here, but jj has been moved to @noreaturn
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open

❣ Chile in a Photography ❣
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trying on a metaphor
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PUT YOUR BEARD IN MY MOUTH
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@jareauj
not sure who's still here, but jj has been moved to @noreaturn

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constantly thinking about how jj named her second born after the man that kidnapped and tortured her and i really have to hate the writers for doing her so dirty like that
“ i didn’t lie to you. ” ✉ @r3f1ect.
the older he gets, the tighter her chest grows; it still felt like only yesterday she was bringing him home from the hospital for the very first time – now he was taller than her, slowly but surely years away from surpassing roslyn. it spreads through her like poison, the ache beneath her chest growing, growing, growing – her brittle bones moments away from crumbling into ruins. ( please, please, please – may he never have to bare that weight, feel such darkness. )
“ you didn't exactly tell me the truth. ” there's no malice to her tone, the edges of her lips twitching before she's letting out a quiet sigh and slipping into the empty seat beside him. “ oh, henry. ” an arm coming to wrap around his shoulder, gently pulling him towards her as her lips meet his temple. “ you know you can tell me anything. ” gently squeezing his shoulder as she leans back. they used to tell each other everything, but she has to remind herself that he's not six anymore. ( despite the wish she could keep both her boys small forever, it was inevitable. ) “ you also don't have to tell me everything, i was your age once, i know how it is. i just want to know that you're safe. ”
something something jj and her appearance being a big indicator on how she's doing mentally
there's the urge as her fingers trace the lace to tear it apart with no remorse because of how long she's waited for a moment like this with the blonde. over a year felt like more than enough time, but she had just enough restraint. regardless of the urge, she wanted to remember every second, to enjoy every feel of her skin and every breath that fell from the blonde's lips.
the warmth that spread throughout her body was like no other, her imagination couldn't have given her this from just thinking about the feeling of jj's lips on her own, the way her mouth moved against her skin. she couldn't imagine the way she could feel goosebumps run across the expanse of the skin on her neck when there was an absence and the hiss that came at the teeth on her neck. it didn't matter if it was fair, if she couldn't do the same to jj if she was still seeing the man, for once emily had something she needed (what she couldn't admit).
tell me. she couldn't figure out how to let the woman against her know just how deep her desire went, how many positions she's imagined them both in. tone is breathless as she finally lets the words roll from her tongue, ❛ i don't.. sleep with anyone because i know i would think about your head between my legs when i need to get there. ❜ instead, she took care of herself in her bed at night, with some battery operated assistance or by her own hand depending on what scene she was imagining behind her eyes. guilt only consumed her the next morning, gaze averting every time she pictured jj's tongue across her skin the night before.
lips are bruised as she gazes over at jj, pulling her in by the lace before her finger shifts to hook under her chin, pulling her up to eye level. ❛ now tell me, tell me what you've wanted me to do to you, where you've thought about me. ❜ eyes are darker than they'd ever been, wondering if she'll see the places mapped out of every surface she's considering fucking her on at one point or another.
she's never wanted someone this much, never felt the gravitational pull towards another human being until the raven-haired woman entered her life, surprising her in too many ways she's begun to lose count. she found herself yearning for much more than she could've ever anticipated, only confirming to herself what she feels with how perfectly emily's mouth moulded against her own, how easily the organ beneath caged ribs beat and beat till blood was rushing to her head at the mere feel of emily's skin. jj's hands unable to stop mapping out her back, nails slowly dragging up her spine, unhooking her bra before sliding her palms higher, curling over to grip her shoulders.
the confession from the other woman stirs something deep inside of her, stomach rumbling with hunger, skin beginning to prickle as the hairs on the back of her neck starts to arise. there's too many images flooding her mind; bare skin slick with sweat, plump lips spewing out muffled noises as teeth hold the lower lip captive 'till a metallic tang spreads through – the desperation to keep her true desires from surfacing. except, jj isn't capable of containing the small moan that audibly spills out from what runs through her mind now, what shoots straight through her body and has her grip on emily tightening.

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they were just babies :(
jj starting the season off by only wearing long sleeves and being so unhappy, only for her to end the season with a smile on her face and wearing a sleeveless vest </3
ok but … jj in her yj verse is so fitting for episode 3x08 in cm when they’re tracking a serial killer that turns out to be cannibalistic. jj saying “who would wanna eat people” while zoning out afterwards …. she’s definitely thinking about the girls and checks up on their locations after the case to check they’re all still alive or not in any trouble
[ win ] sender lets receiver beat them in a game. ✉ @prentitsss
winner has to not only buy the other a drink, but make rossi's famous dish.
a hand comes to emily's hip, fingers gently squeezing as jj's pupils blow, the blue in her eyes drowned out by darkness as she smirks at the other. “ you are so going down. ” there's no helping the grin that blooms, a hint of something else lingering as her tongue dips out, running along her lower lip as a giddiness spreads through her insides. she finally lets go of the woman, rolling her shoulders back as her t-shirt rides up to expose sunkissed skin. she plucks the dart from emily's fingers and comes to stand in front of her. “ i make this, and i win, you know that, right? ” glancing over her shoulder, cheeks glowing under the dimly lit bar lighting as she takes in the other and winks.
spinning back around, jj pulls her lower lip into her mouth, lifting the dart to her eye level as she squints. she does her best to ignore the ongoing chatter and music blaring through the place before she flings the dart and watches it soar through the air, landing directly in the middle. hands clasp together before raising high as she takes in the victory. “ how does it feel to lose, prentiss? ” her cheeks hurt from how long she's been grinning, swiping the nearly empty beer bottle to finish it off before lifting her brows at the other. “ you, owe me a drink. ” bumping her hip into the other, eyes focusing on the other as she taps her empty bottle in the air. “ i'm free friday if we don't get a new case. ”
you're oblivious to how i feel. it wasn't that she missed the signs, it was the fact that she'd seen them in her past with other women. embraces that could last longer than necessary, glances from across the room could all amount to nothing, she was reminded of how deep friendships could run and wouldn't risk ruining the team that she fought so hard to become part of. she couldn't afford to be wrong when it came to the woman in front of her, she wouldn't just lose her, but every person of the family that she'd found in the team.
❛ hope is a dangerous thing in this job, and it can blur anything when you want something bad enough. you start to feel like you're going blind. ❜ her eyes closed, every time she got the idea that she was closer to having what she wanted, who she wanted, she was reminded that in a team of profilers, no one else commented on it or it hadn't been notable enough for them to so she pushed it down. the feeling of legs being entwined, her own locking jj's between her own, she feels like she can exhale.
the hand on her face leaves a path of warmth, warmth that's never been there with people she's dated in the past and hadn't even been there with the woman she thought could've been something. eyes open into a sea of darkness and her breathing is labored now, too many thoughts swirling in her mind of what came to mind when she pictured the blonde. ❛ i'm not good at this, jj, i'm not.. ❜ she was far from smooth, her only experiences in love had been for the sake of a job or bad romances that felt empty when she looked back at them. poetry could flood her mind when she thought of jj, because it was what she deserved and then it becomes apparent what she can say. ❛ you deserve so many things, i don't think anyone could have you. it doesn't stop me from wanting you, knowing it could ruin everything i have. ❜
the feel of her touch on her skin, what she leans into, her head tilting to press her lips against the palm of her hand. her eyes pricked with tears because it could be well be the only moment she has, she still knows there's the chance that it wasn't mutual, that jj could've been as comfortable with her as a friend as she was with anyone else. ❛ if you want to pretend i said nothing maybe it would be easier for both of us, you deserve that out so i don't ruin what we do, who we are to each other. ❜
there's no stopping the quiet gasp spilling from her lips at the words that fall from the other woman's lips. bad enough. it fills her whole body, toes curling as her knee bends between emily's legs. she's always gotten what she wanted, no matter how badly she wanted it – the determination ran through her bloodstream at alarming speed. it just hadn't been till emily came along that she was running into a wall; sometimes she couldn't get everything, no matter how badly. “ hope doesn't always have to be so bad. ” a quiet sigh, her body shuffling closer, her hand beneath the sheets bumping against emily's stomach, her fingers barely reaching to lightly grip the fabric.
she hopes among the darkness emily will be able to see the way her lips pull at each side, forming into a wide, toothy grin. she's unable to help the quiet laugh that spils at emily's words, i'm not good at this. oh, if only the other woman knew all she had to do was merely look at jj, and it was good enough. she barely shakes her head, stretching out her neck as her palm comes to gently splay out against her cheek. “ oh, em... ” her breath gets caught in her throat, pulse thudding hard and fast that she's sure the other woman would be able to hear it, feel the movement between them as it rumbles through her chest. “ you're good at so many things. you're... you're so good at making me fall so hopelessly for you. ” she lifts her head off the pillow, moving her hand from emily's cheek to dig into the mattress beside her, shifting half her body weight onto the other before she's leaning down, her lips finding emily's, her own starting to tingle as she kisses her soft, and sweetly. “ you've already ruined me. i've never wanted anyone this– ” shaking her head, pressing her forehead into the others as both palms come to cup her cheeks. “ i don't want an out. you mean too much to me, emily. don't you get that? can't you see how worthy you are to me? i wish you could see yourself the way i do. ” untangling her leg from emily's, shifting each knee to either side of her body, she holds back the moan that threatens to expose her as she leans back down. “ wish you could see you see how badly i want you. ” her palms slide down the expanse of emily's neck as she kisses her harder, digging her teeth into her lower lip before soothing over with her tongue.

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there was an irony or an unfairness to jj being the one targeted for doing everything right throughout the years because of how public her position had been. she was too good. it was a thought that ran through her mind since she met her, multiple meanings underlying the thoughts. she was too good for her position to just remain a media liaison, she was too good for a man like will that didn't give her the benefit of knowing how much time their job took away. she was too good for her. ❛ we both know how these kinds of people work, they have types and you fit that. i hate that you had to be the one that did, trust me. it's not like... ❜ it's not like she meant to stumble across images of the woman that she loved for years on a site created by someone so sick. it wasn't supposed to be the image she had in her mind of jj, not when guilt sunk itself into her at the realization that every thought she'd had in a fantasy with jj was no better than baugate.
❛ trust me, i know that now and i regret it somewhat. i just thought i'd have a handle on it before then. hotch made this all look so easy you know, i don't get how he did it. ❜ her head moved from side to side, knowing that the weight on his back was probably the reason he left.
it's why you have me. she knows not to misconstrue what jj's telling her, to give her the illusion that she means outside of work, it would be a miracle if she got a text from her on her days off after all this. ❛ it's above your pay grade and i don't have anyone waiting for me at home, you all do. ❜ the idea of a social life died when she took section chief, it gave her something to focus on, something to live for. that was, until she absorbed the bau into every fiber of her being.
she listens intently and as much as she tries to steel her features, to pretend that not having the experience of being as involved as she wanted with henry didn't have a lasting impact on her and yet the mask slips with the blonde's words. a quivering lip she couldn't control until she swallows and blinks back the tears that threaten to fall, i can see it. you, kids. it was such a simple statement and the obstacles that life threw at her ruined it: doyle, will, work and everything else in between. ❛ it was easy with him, but he's always had plenty of people looking after him. ❜ leaving him had been difficult because when she came back to visit and saw him, she saw confusion across his features and realized how much time passed by how much he'd grown. when the one you love. her throat tightens at it and she steps forward and shakes her head, ❛ the only time i was glad you weren't here was when doyle was after me, because it meant you were both safe. i couldn't have lived with myself if anything happened to henry because of me. it made leaving easier when i did. ❜
unable to allow herself to think of such things when the sun was still hung high in the sky, only letting herself spiral into darkness. she'd done everything and more; a one way ticket out of east allegheny. pushing herself through the desperation to freeze herself in time. why did it have to be her? hadn't she suffered enough? roslyn's own innocence had been ripped away from her, exposing her raw and rotten – she didn't want to feel any of this. “ it had to be me. i did everything right, i did fucking everything! and it still wasn't enough! ” she'd scream if she thought it would help, if it would take away the pungent taste on her tongue, if it would stop her from wanting to claw away at her skin till she could shed it all, become something untouched and unseen. “ not like, what? ” curiosity builds, an arm wrapping around herself as her free hand fiddles with her necklace. “ if you actually did love me, i should've heard it from you, regardless of whether you had a handle on it. ”
“ hotch made everything look easy. what he had to go through with haley... i don't know how he kept coming back. ” she misses him, misses jack. it had been so nice to see her own son growing up alongside another, until life caught up with them one too many times. she knew it wouldn't last forever, as much as she wished they all could've stayed as close as they had once been. “ i don't know how he walked away knowing everything... he didn't once look back. ” she wonders now, if that had been why he continued to encourage her to become a profiler – to leave behind her liaison days and be out of the public eye. she wants to be angry, at him – at emily. but she knows they're placeholders for the ones that have actually done this to her. “ you always have top shelf, i'll take that compensation. ” there's a slight smile that pulls, still not quite reaching her eyes, too caught up on i don't have anyone waiting for me at home. one the days will had the boys, were the ones she felt twice as hard. coming home to darkness was never unusual, it had always been quiet when she got in late, the boys tucked away, will lurking around. but now, now the quiet was due to the emptiness, nobody lurking in the depths, nobody sleeping soundly upstairs. only jj alone with herself and her thoughts.
she watches emily carefully, a pang beneath her chest watching the woman's face desperately try not to crumble that there's no stopping her feet from carrying her closer, her fingers moving from her necklace to reach out and cup the older woman's cheek. her skin was cool, burning jj's already warm palm as her thumb swipes across the bone beneath her eye before her hand is slowly retracting. he's always had plenty of people looking after him. she has to stop herself from opening her mouth, spilling out the desperation to have had emily by her side, for her son to view the other woman as more than a mere family friend. “ he does have a lot of people that love him. ” its all she's ever wanted and more, isn't it? her children to have more love than physically possible, to never feel the stark aching emptiness she had once felt. “ i know. god, you've always protected him like he's your own. ” she can feel her throat closing in, the tightness expanding to her chest as she feels liquid build in her eyes. “ you had no idea... you really had no idea how much i wanted you to be with henry and me. ” the mere confession has her head shaking, the liquid daring to spill as she pulls down the edge of her sleeve, tries to wipe away what dares to fall. she can't go back and uncover what she thought she'd buried a decade ago.
she can't help the laugh that rumbles through her chest at the realization of just how inebriated they both were, ❛ you know, that thing you do. ❜ it should've been obvious, but god that last cheeto was really doing a number on her brain. ❛ you just.. know me too well or don't let me get away with just anything like every other person in this team does, you never look the other way. ❜ she'd seen hotch and reid do it, morgan did it up until doyle came around and decided he couldn't afford to again. jj never needed a reason to step over a line so many of the people they all worked with wouldn't dare to cross, that took a kind of courage none of the bau had. it was why they were lucky to have the woman in front of her, it was why she was lucky she still had her in her life at all not that she deserved her with how terrible she'd been of a friend as of late.
how vital you are to me. it lingers in the air for a second, the same way the words before she hears the addition of the team being involved. while she knew it was true and she was grateful for it to a degree, her hopes had been that it went beyond the job. ❛ hey you're twisting my words and that's.. not fair with everything right now. ❜ there was doubt the longer jj talked and she knew if there was anyone capable of talking her out of it, it was the woman in front of her. the smallest poke against her shirt sets her skin on fire, her senses heightened as she takes in the words for what they were. ❛ you wouldn't have to worry anyway, you're a good girl. ❜ jj went by the book and did everything asked of her, she didn't meet old neighbors in parking garages when the case was supposed to be closed. she wasn't getting arrested because she let the case get to her, when rationality should've told her to stop and move on to everyone else that needed their help.
the truth was she didn't think she was being obvious in the way she wasn't looking at her, but maybe it was the contrast of how much she used to that brought jj's awareness to it. ❛ that's not the only reason, but others don't matter. i wish there was nothing to tell, not when it came to that site, they should've just stuck to anime. ❜ nothing would've been the best possible option, but anime was distinguished from images of what they really looked like and could be passed as different people. her brows knit together as she looks over at her, a hand snaking over to capture jj's with her own, ❛ then call me on those nights, you don't have to do that alone. ❜ a look of confusion comes over face as the daunting question now occurs to her. ❛ where's will? not now, but on those nights. ❜ she hated that it was a question because it meant he was either sleeping through it, ignoring it or not being there when jj needed someone most. it's a reminder that her hand over jj's probably isn't the person she needs in the moment.
there's a lightness to her features for one of the only times of the night where despair and the impending doom of the lifted suspension is a sign that eyes are on her, wanting her to disappear from the unit. the tug of a smile comes to her lips and she rolls her eyes playfully at the sentiment. ❛ god you're so optimistic it kills me sometimes, it's why i think you're not real half the time. ❜ she was too good to be real in emily's mind and that part never changed, her hand slips from the blonde's as she moves to get up and she's overly aware of the other's hand on her shoulder. ❛ you don't look like you're losing it, not anymore than any sane person would. ❜ she teases, her eyes taking in the blue eyes she strayed away from over the last couple of years and now found herself wanting to get lost in how delicate and bright the iris of blue could be. ❛ i'm not keeping you out from this point, but if you don't like it, don't say i didn't warn you. ❜ she gave her a pointed look, though her eyes remained studying the blue eyes she wouldn't let herself look for more than two seconds since guilt dictated what she did and what she deserved to have.
“ i can feel my eyes, emily. i really don't know what thing i do. ” a laugh might spill from her lips, but the confusion was still evident with the knot between her brows and the strain laced through her features. at least the walls had stopped closing in on her, albeit now it meant she was far too hyper aware of her internal organs and the thudding beneath her chest that synchs to a tune she's never been able to forget when in the other woman's presence. “ why would i look the other way? that's not what i do, especially when it comes to you. ” when it came to their dynamic – everything they've built; there's not a time in which she hasn't been able to understand emily, to know something deeper remained. even when she'd first found out about injurejeanfear; all that had run through her mind is why emily would keep such a thing from her. she's note sure she'd even have the slightest clue on what to do if the roles had been reversed. ( she'd have protected her, just as she knows emily was trying to do for her. ) “ it used to be i couldn't do this job without spence and penelope. ” they'd been with her right from the very beginning; so young and unprepared for what they would endure, what this job would bring and take from them all at once. “ you were gone for so... long. but i could. i could get through it because i knew if it really came down to it, you'd be there in a heartbeat. ” it builds without warning, the vile climbing her throat as tears form. the once steadiness of her pulse has derailed, the need to physically steady herself coming with placing a hand down on emily's shoulder. “ i'd be so lost without you, emily. ” the words barely fall above a whisper, her slight grip on the other's shoulder tensing. she's far too afraid to let them bounce off each wall in penelope's apartment. she composes herself rather quickly then, swallowing back vile, blinking back tears as she rolls back her shoulders and lets her hand fall back to her side.
a good girl. it shouldn’t effect her, at least, to this degree – not with what set of words come before. yet, heat surges through her body in an instant. cheeks staining darker, pulse beginning to plummet, her lower stomach rumbling. there's no controlling the state her body was in, even if it was the first time she's felt light in weeks–months. it’s visible enough, clear as day with how hazy she becomes, the hitch in her breath when her chest stutters to rise, the darkness swallowing the sea as currents rush over; she needs to place her mind anywhere but where it was heading. “ yeah... yeah. uh, i think i'd worry even more if you weren't. ” letting out the breath she hadn't realised she'd been holding, her sight shifting from emily and down the expanse of her neck, to the worn out fbi sweatshirt and down to where the woman's hands resided, her own almost itching to reach out. “not the only reason? come on, em. i deserve more than that. ” she could see it in luke’s eyes, as much as he tried to stay focused on the task at hand; where their number one priority resides. but oh, there’s no missing the hurt – the anger, the sorrow filling him that radiates onto jj and makes her feel acutely aware. “ they used a fucking anagram of my name. and i am... i am so scared henry is gonna come to me one day soon and– ” she stops herself, chest lifting as a sharp pain shoots through her. she can't help but recall almost a decade prior; the older woman's hair much darker, less lines accompanying her features – holding jj as she mourned, ensuring each piece of her was kept intact when they all dared to fall beyond repair. “ i’ve always done that alone. ” she doesn’t mean for it to become audible, quickly swallowing as she shakes her head. “ on those nights? ” her mind goes blank, fingers fidgeting as she reaches out to the silver strands delicately hanging round emily's face. “ new orleans. ” she has to think about it, brows pulling together, a lump lodged in her throat as the tightness in her chest returns. she hasn't told any of them yet, how could she? between injurejeanfear and gold star, no time ever felt reason enough to disclose her dwindling marriage. “ i like what you’ve got going on here. ” a sly grin slowly forming, a bubble of air spilling from roseate lips as fingers gently twist each strand framing emily's face.
“ oh, please. ” rolling her eyes, crimson creeping up the sides of her neck and splashing across her face as she tries to suppress a grin from forming. that was always her, wasn't it? unable to view anything as half empty. even with all she's endured, even with how many times life kept knocking her down, down, down. she still couldn't succumb to darkness, to what had overpowered her own sister she's now outgrown. “ i'm in my mid fourties getting divorced, and i'm pretty sure henry is too much like me, which isn't a good thing. and now this stupid fucking site. trust me, emily. i am... slowly losing it. ” despite the lightness in her tone, there's an ache beneath her chest that causes her fingers to finally retract from emily and drift to the necklace wrapped round her neck.
shaking her head, jj's hands drop to emily's knees as she pushes them apart, stepping into the small gap as her arm snakes around the older woman's shoulders, her other hand coming to cup her cheek as she pulls the woman into her chest, her chin coming to rest atop of her head. she needs this. even if she won't admit just how much she's missed the simplicity of lingering touches and warm arms. “ i don't have to like it, but i don't want to be in the dark, not anymore. ” she's already lost too much, they both have.
never not thinking about the fact the writers made jj name her son after a man that not only abducted and tortured her, but was the cause of her miscarriage ?
it's a night where she's caught up looking at the stars, a reminder of how wishing on them seemed pointless and irrational, but she would try for a chance with the woman she was in front of. it would be stupid, juvenile even and she'd let herself look like a fool if it meant there was the slightest chance. it's why she ends up there, where her feelings are made as bare as she can without ruining what's between them in that current moment in time.
signs weren't her thing in the slightest, anything to do with wishes wasn't something she believed in, but the feeling she got when she was around jj was real. always relieved from the hardest of cases, always the person she turned to look to during a movie when something exciting or good happened in it. it was a reminder that good or bad, every moment she shared with jj was better than it had been with anyone else.
coming back from london made her that much more aware of the imprint jj had in her life, one that couldn't be replaced. it doesn't feel real, the words that fall without hesitation from the blonde's lips paired with her soft touch, even still she knows not to let her hopes get the best of her. when you're here i know i'm safe. ❛ i wouldn't live without knowing you were safe. ❜ it became a condition after she left between her and penelope that she was always made aware when anything was wrong when it came to jj. as hard as it was for her to watch the blonde marry will, being in the dark about everything around the bau would've been worse so she went the extra steps to make sure that never happened.
it's uncharted territory with her breathing shallow as dark eyes trace over jj's form, leans into her touch and eyes drop to her lips. ❛ i can't keep running from you, it's not working. ❜ her eyes fill with tears and she hooks her index finger under the other woman's chin. ❛ tell me you want me back and i'll stay, give me a reason to stay this time. ❜
i can't keep running from you. is that what emily had been doing all this time? not that she could place the sole reason for so much physical space hanging between them on the other woman. life itself had inconvenienced them. perhaps that in itself was a sign; one she'd twist till it fit her own narrative. this was how it had to be. she couldn't stray far from what was expected of her, of the added pressure weighing her shoulders down. still – it didn't matter what was happening, there was only ever one consistency throughout her mind and soul. “ oh, em. ” slowly her chest lifts, the skip in her pulse almost unbearable watching emily's gaze drift down, the index finger beneath her chin only guiding her closer. “ i never wanted you to leave. ” head barely shakes, her palm slowly sliding along emily's shoulder before making contact with her neck, gently cupping the side as she closes the remaining space between them.
her mouth meets emily's and there's no stopping the strangled noise hidden at the back of her throat that spills out. her hand drops from emily's shoulder, both palms coming to her hips as she pulls the woman closer, almost desperate to merge their bodies into one. she's known love; has felt it deep within her bones as it nestles itself into each crevice to keep her whole. what she felt for emily went beyond, it had seeped into her bloodstream so long ago now that she's sure she'd always been there, that no matter how long it took, they would eventually find their way back to each other. it's where they both belonged. she knows that now. “ i want you, i need you. i always have, i always will. its always been you. is that reason enough? because i am so tired, emily. i am so tired of having to watch you leave when all i want is for you to stay. ” it didn't matter what milestone she reached, she'd always wanted emily there; a selfish part of her that had wanted the woman to stop her before she promised herself away. it felt too late then, as though the end had neared and it was time to let emily go. her forehead comes to rest against emily's, palms slowly sliding around her waist to find residence against the middle of her back. “ stay because– ” her chest lifts, the words getting stuck in her throat as her fingers slowly curl and bunch at the fabric covering the woman. “ stay because you want this... us.” she's not sure when the liquid had slipped from confinement, slowly spilling from each eye one by one as she gently kisses the woman, pulling emily's lower lip into her mouth as a hand travels up to cup the back of emily's neck. slowly pulling her head back, a sigh falls, a small knit forming between her brows. “ i thought i could let you go. ” how foolish could she have been to believe such a thing? “ i should've known that's not possible. ”
despite the fact that it might've been nice for her to go back to a time where being close to her neighbors was once a good thing, ever letting brian garrity into her life was one of the worst ideas both times. ❛ of course i know better and after he tried to sue me, i should've left it alone, but that's not the job. we don't get to decide who lives or dies just because we can't stand them. ❜ it takes everything not to roll her eyes at herself because with everything she was going through now because of brian, she should've let things be, no matter how much guilt it would've given her (more than she was already carrying).
her lips part to respond before closing again at the thought of how long it had been, how much time had slipped away back to when it was the two of them, back to when she didn't let work rule her world. it consumed her and even the blonde found time between it, between the kids to just ask for them and she'd blown it off. she blew off penelope's birthday party, she was sinking under case files, ones that were put off for gold star or pushed aside when they shouldn't be. she takes in the sight of jj's eyes, water filling them and realizes that the loneliness wasn't just one sided. ❛ you got closer to will during the pandemic, i didn't think you had the time with date nights and the kids. even if you did, it's not like i would find the time when not having the jet has put us behind like never before. hotch would never have let it get like this. ❜
she was stuck in a stalemate of comparing herself to all the men that came before her, knowing that a female legacy coming after her in this position was unlikely with how much damage she'd done to the unit. it was a miracle they were still standing and she kept herself buried in paperwork to prolong it as long as she could.
we don't get to decide who lives or dies. “ if we did, none of us would be here. there wouldn't be a need for profilers if we could make those decisions. ” she can't think any further on it; what her life would've been without the bau. (without emily) she'd still have gone into liasion, which now makes her skin itch and burn, a desperate desire to protect the version of herself still full of innocence, only ruined by her sister's death – not what others could inflict upon her, what she'd go on to endure becoming a vital part to the bau.
she wants to laugh, and does – the bubble climbs up her throat, slipping past roseate lips without permission. it startles her, fingers quickly travelling to her lips to suppress any further noise. “ will and i have separated. ” as though it was the most obvious thing in the world. aside from the boys, it’s the first time she’s uttered it outside their home, outside of confined walls that were meant to protect and not make her repeat history. “ during the pandemic we still… we couldn’t have been further from each other. ” the sigh falls then, hand dropping back to her side, fingers rubbing against the ends of her sleeve. she's still wearing her ring, the band now serving as a cruel and incredibly unfunny reminder. she knows it’s partially her own fault, consistently keeping herself just outside the door – despite almost two decades held between them. “ he started to catch on when i kept distracting him with sex instead of talking about our problems. ” even after all this time, it was still easier to convey her thoughts to emily, let out what she’s feeling, what she's incapable of saying alone to herself. emily always made it easier. “ hotch isn’t here. you are. even through all this shit. you’re still here, emily. it has to count for something. ” her pulse skips, the rhythm becoming sporadic beneath caged ribs as her lips part, more words slipping out without permission as she looks to emily. “ i couldn’t do this job without you. ” a lump find itself lodged in her throat, a beat surpassing as silence falls between them that she's sure emily could hear her swallow, see it roll and bop down her throat. tentatively stepping closer, hesitating as fingers stretch out from her sleeve to gently squeeze emily's elbow. “ we're all standing because you keep fighting for us. hotch gave up, and i know why he did, but – he left, you haven't. you were thrown into the deep end and left to pick up what those before you couldn't. i keep going, because you keep going. so whatever this is, you'll figure it out, and we'll be right behind you to help. we're a team. we always have been. ”

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“ i kept dreaming of the day you'd come back. then hours turned to days, turned into months and–fuck, emily. do you know how hard it was for me? having to pretend that you were actually dead? i felt sick every single day, i could barely eat or sleep, just wondering if you were safe... i couldn't let myself even think about you like... i don't– ” shaking her head a little too vigorously, liquid burning in her eyes as they spill down her face without warning, unable to contain everything she's stuffed deep within and kept suppressed for far too many months. once the gates had been opened, there was no turning back. it was all coming to the surface, it was all becoming far too much. fingers come to her own chest, pressing above where the organ beats out of rhythm, threatening to burst through her chest and decorate the place with her guts and organs. “ i couldn't think of you in the same way that ros– ” her chest lifts, the tightness growing inside, she can't seem to catch her breath without a sharp pain shooting through her, reminding her of all that she's lost. “ spencer wouldn't leave my place, and it felt unfair. he was grieving you, and i couldn't. i wouldn't let myself. ” every part inside of her had ached, becoming unbearable as she tried to busy herself. nothing had worked. nothing, nobody, ever could.
“ he was a distraction. that's all he was. ” she takes a tentative step forward, brows pulled together as liquid sticks to her face, each piece of her shattered heart barely holding itself together. “ except he couldn't distract me, because you're the only person that ever could. you're the one i can't stop thinking about, no matter how hard i try. you take up so much space inside me. ” your corner in my mind is well established. she doesn't notice her own hands flattening out against her chest when she speaks, practically pleading to emily where the woman would always reside. jj wants to close the gap between them, hold the older woman as tightly as she possibly could. (ensure she never let her go, that she didn't have to go without her again) though, with that comes the possibility of rejection – and jj isn't so sure she could sustain that level of pain. after all, it was emily elizabeth prentiss that was capable of breaking her heart, capable of taking what remained and letting it be discarded into the depths of despair. there'd be no possibility of her picking up the tiny remnants, there'd be nothing left. “ i'm in love with you. i love you. you have to believe me, emily. ”
PROMPTS FOR ORDINARY THINGS THAT FEEL INTIMATE * inspired by this post. these don't have to be romantic - you can specify romantic or not when you send them. in essence, these are simply intimate, affectionate moments to share with someone you love and care about. adjust as necessary, send 'reverse' for the reversal of the prompt
[ lean ] sender rests their head on receiver's shoulder
[ shop ] sender and receiver go to the grocery store together
[ brush ] sender brushes receiver's hair
[ tie ] sender helps receiver with their tie, either by putting it on or adjusting it
[ necklace ] sender helps receiver with the clasp of their necklace from behind
[ zip up ] sender assists receiver with zipping up a piece of clothing
[ unzip ] sender assists receiver with unzipping a piece of clothing
[ shoelaces ] sender bends down to tie receiver's shoelaces
[ swipe ] sender notices a smudge of something on receiver's face and gently wipes it off
[ braid ] sender braids receiver's hair
[ jacket ] sender takes their jacket off and hangs it on receiver's shoulders
[ puddle ] sender hurries to stop receiver from stepping into a puddle
[ drinks ] sender brings receiver a drink from a bar/their kitchen
[ feed ] sender feeds receiver's pet/s for them
[ cook ] sender and receiver cook a meal together
[ feed ] sender allows receiver to try a bite of their dish, holding their fork out for receiver to taste
[ teach ] sender, an expert at something, takes time to teach receiver how it works and how they can get better at it, too
[ readjust ] sender comes up behind receiver and readjusts their stance (maybe holding a gun, holding a golf club, aiming for something, etc.) to help them
[ makeup ] sender fixes receiver's makeup for them
[ bathroom ] sender and receiver go to a public restroom together and have a normal conversation in between the stalls
[ aloud ] sender reads aloud to receiver
[ refill ] sender refills receiver's glass without asking
[ massage ] sender notices receiver looks tense, steps up behind them, and massages their shoulders
[ listen ] sender listens to receiver explain something they're passionate about
[ silence ] sender and receiver comfortably exist in silence together, both of them working or reading or focusing on something different
[ food ] sender brings food over to receiver's house
[ hum ] sender hums along to a song receiver is singing
[ see ] sender sees something that reminds them of receiver and texts them a picture of it
[ admire ] sender stares at receiver across a room, silently admiring and appreciating them from afar
[ win ] sender lets receiver beat them in a game
[ puzzle ] sender helps receiver solve/put together a puzzle
[ carry ] after receiver falls asleep in an inconvenient place, sender carries them to a bed and tucks them in
[ kneel ] sender finds receiver sick in the bathroom ("tossing their cookies"), and kneels beside them, holding their hair back and cleaning their face
[ clean ] sender helps bathe receiver
[ wash ] sender helps receiver wash their hair
[ patch ] sender carefully patches one of receiver's wounds