past lives

like wow that was your life before [redacted] huh. maybe i should stop acting like it was some big deal that affected me so much but the fucking truth of it is is that it DID affect me that much. he affected me that much??? and i hate it so much

either way i know no one’s on here anymore.. so maybe i’ll keep up an aesthetics blog again.. vent blog.. lmao

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vent

god i wonder when this is going to stop hurting 

i do this to myself yet i cant help the thoughts and feelings that enter my mind and it fucks me up because i cant remember anymore if thats how it really was at the time or just some fucked up heightened perception of it now since all i have are my own memories

how little my relationship w my ex really affected me while how MUCH this past one continues to hurt despite everything despite being honestly nothing and going nowhere im still so fucked up about it and i can no longer tell if i even have a right to be mad

but id rather stay mad than whatever the fuck it is im really feeling, having the ‘right’ to or not .would rather tell myself that im better off this way. go to fucking hell

one day i’ll get over this just like i got over her, and i dont even remember anything i felt w her

this fucking sucks bc for years all this place held were my thoughts and feelings for you and it doesnt matter how far i scroll theres still hints of you scattered everywhere

what sucks even more is that so many of these sad texts and etc are still relevant, just not for you, in that way 

i should be scared of this but my feelings overcome my fear as usual and i dont know how to make things any better or move on

im scared of myself the most, i think. of the things ive done and continue to do 

im scared of fucking up again im scared of hurting people and getting hurt, although i guess since it seems ive already done just that ...