I love fat cats that get picked up and look kind of alarmed about it as if their magnificent girth could have prevented this sort of injustice

the nice thing about horses is that you don’t have to guess their intentions because at any given time they’re figuring out how to shred our reality into pieces

victor hugo titling a chapter “wherein will appear the name of enjolras’ mistress” and it ending up just being france itself was the original clickbait 

No offense but for so many self proclaimed introverts who “prefer reading books to partying” y'all nerds on here have really only read seven damn books and you know exactly what they are

Liking only good characters and 100% completely unproblematic things (which don’t exist) is not a replacement for actually being a good person

You want my phone number? It’s useless. The best way to contact me is to fill a human skull with acorns and vigorously shake it into the night. I will hear you eventually.

Myself @ me: you need to wake up earlier so you don’t waste the day Me @ myself: sorry I was sleeping and just saw this lol wyd

vampires always like “i could kill you if I wanted” like? yeah? so could another human being. so could a dog. so could a dedicated duck. you arent special

*republican voice* I got called an asshole once for saying i wanted to kill minorities and that’s how i know the left is a hate group

physically? im here, but mentally im in a renaissance painting wearing a silk dress and looking wistfully into the distance